Knight Squad (2018) s01e07 Episode Script

A Knight's Tail

1 Hey Hey, hey [APPLAUSE] Welcome to the Astorian Fish Gut Grab.
[CHEERING] Every year, I bring good luck to our fishing season by searching for a worm in a tub of disgusting fish guts.
[CHEERING] Oh, that's why it smells like an ocean's butt! The king always pukes before he finds the worm.
It's hilarious! I'm sure you'll all eager to watch me barf.
[CHEERING] But it doesn't matter what you want.
I'm the king.
So I'll be digging a gummy worm out of pudding instead.
[BOOING] No puking? Of course this happens the year I show up.
Take these guts away and fetch my pudding tub.
If he's not heaving, this giant's leaving.
Me too.
The new combat cards are coming out today at the Tasty Trunk.
Combat cards? The last time you guys played that game, you got into a huge fight.
Yeah, I heard about that.
The back of the castle still has a Warwick-shaped hole.
My bones healed, and so did our friendship.
See, our mistake was playing against each other, so we agreed to never do that again.
More than agree, we made a Phoenix swear.
BOTH: Phoenix swear! Swear, swear, swear, swear.
Do you Phoenix swear never to do that again? Come on, Friend.
Let's go enjoy an afternoon destroying other people.
Ooh, we can take the shortcut through the Warwick-shaped hole.
Ah! [CHUCKLES] The pudding has arrived.
Behold the sweet and delicious rice pudding? That's like the fish guts of pudding.
Princess?! I need you to dig through this yucky pudding.
I can't put my hands in that pudding.
Of course not.
You need a pudding straw.
If I dig through that slimy stuff, I could lose my pixie ring.
Arc, that cannot happen! Are you asking me to hold your magic ring? Because, uh, yeah! Princess? Oh, no.
It's happening.
[CHEERING] What is wrong with you people? [TINKLING] There's no time to explain.
But whatever you do, don't use the ring.
Got it? Got it.
Just go.
Well, well, well.
What do we have Don't even think about it! You don't know me! She knows me.
Ah Oh, na, na Na, na Do, do, do [YELLS] [GRUNTS] A battle gnome? Ha! That's no match for Jenny the Giant's hammer smash.
[GRUNTING] Oh, come on! Get it together, Jenny! All right, Mermaid.
Say hello to Willy the Wizard.
[ZAP] [GROANS] Why, Willy, why? My lousy cards lose every time.
I hear ya.
I'm gonna shuffle the snot out of you! Welcome, nerds! I know you're all here for the release of the newest line of combat cards.
But we have a very special surprise.
[OOHING] One of these packs contains the exclusive, unbeatable, two-handed Sir Gareth card.
ALL: Wow! Yeah, I know.
Back in the day, I used one hand for slaying dragons and one hand for fighting off the ladies.
An unbeatable combat card? Prudie, if one of us gets that, we could actually win.
Oh, man.
I just know we're gonna get it! [GASPS] I got it! Look, it's Sir Gareth before life broke him! [GIGGLES] And before Tammy the Tiny yanked his hair out.
[CHUCKLES] It took me 10 years to grow it.
And it took her 10 seconds to rip it from my scalp.
Buttercup, can I please hold the card? No! You cannot hold anything.
You'll get your loser juice all over it.
- What about me? - You are even jucier.
Now scram! - Did you see that? - Yeah.
Prudie got a new vest.
It's adorable! No, Prudence and Warwick can't keep their eyes off this card.
You think so? Don't you remember the last time those two played each other in combat cards? No.
But I remember to not look up when it's raining so water doesn't get up my nose.
[GIGGLES] They got into a fight.
We can use this card to get them fighting again and split the Phoenix Squad apart.
[MOANS SADLY] - No, no, no, it's a good thing.
- Oh, then yay! I can't find the worm! [RETCHES] And this pudding's so warm and chunky! [RETCHES] I see why this is so funny now.
Hey, everyone, look! She's gonna barf! [PRETENDS TO GAG] [CHEERING] What is wrong with you people? If you press the ring, Ciara will be mad.
But if you don't press the ring, you'll never know what awesome thing you could turn into.
[IN A BRITISH ACCENT] I say, tisn't it obvious, you silly bloke? Whoa, the ring's so powerful, it gave my imagination a fancy accent.
Oh, indeedly do.
Now, if the ring turns the princess into Ciara, - it'll turn - Me into a prince.
Oh, that's using your bean, old boy.
Now, push that rrring like a boss! You really think I should do it, Your Handsome Highness? How could listening to me go wrong? I'm imaginary! Okay, I'm gonna do it.
- [TINKLING] - [ZAPPING] What the heck? I'm a monster! Very funny, ring.
Now it's time to prince it up.
[ZAPPING] The ring's not working? [SPUTTERS] Oh! No, that is most horrifying! [SHRIEKS] Na, na, na, na Oh, oh, oh hey Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh hey Ah hey Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh hey Oh Oh, we will be here We are the Knight Squad Hey Oh Na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na Arc? Arc, I need my ring.
Where are you? I'm here.
Ah, good.
Where's my ring? [SCREAMS] Monster! What? No! No, no, it's me! Remember, Arc? The one that knows your secret and has a tail? You used the ring? How could you be so selfish? I asked you to do one thing for me.
I know.
But then I did something for me instead.
The ring has a security feature.
If anyone besides me uses it, it stops working and turns them into a I want to say monkey pig.
Why didn't you tell me this would happen? Remember when I told you I didn't have time to explain? That's part I didn't have time to explain! Oh, so this is your fault.
Without the ring, I can't become Ciara.
I'll never be able to go to knight school again.
Ah, hello? Slightly worse problem.
My ring came from the Pixie Crystal River.
Maybe someone there can help.
I know how to get there.
I passed through on my way from Seagate.
[SNORTS] Oh, no, I'm oinking.
Let's get to the river, and maybe someone can fix my ring.
Uh, and fix me? Yeah, sure if we have time.
Ah Hey, hey, hey Whoa, the Sir Gareth combat card! Buttercup, you let her hold it? We're using it to get you two to fight.
Fight your way out of the slump you're in! That's probably what I meant to say.
[GIGGLES] So Buttercup asked me to decide which one of you to give this card to.
BOTH: I'll take it! Ooh, this is so hard.
No, it's not! Give it to me.
Or better yet, give it to me.
Wait a second.
We made a Phoenix swear not to fight each other.
Yeah, you're right.
Ooh, a Phoenix swear? That sounds super unbreakable.
So I guess I'll have to find a different home for this little guy, since none of you will ever, ever, ever want it.
Let's get out of here.
Our Phoenix swear is more important than some amazing, life-changing card.
I mean, who needs that card when I can have nothing instead? [PEACEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] It's beautiful.
My tail? Yeah, I'm starting to think so, too.
Okay, we have to convince the Pixie Queen to help us or we're stuck like this forever.
[WHOOSHING] PIXIE QUEEN: Greetings, human travelers.
What was that? Hold on.
[SIGHS] Oh my stars and moonbeams! Welcome to the Pixie Crystal River, Astorian Princess and her pet.
- I am not her pet.
- CIARA: Sorry.
He thinks he's people.
Who's my little monkey pig? Oh, you are! You are! Pixie Queen, we've come to beg for your help.
There's no begging here.
We only accept smiles, hugs, and laughter.
This selfish fleabag broke my ring.
Hey, I do not have fleas! Dang it, I have fleas.
Once I repair your ring's crystal, you'll be as pretty as a princess.
And you? Well, miracles happen.
Your Highness, Arc and I are so grateful.
Did you just call him Arc? I heard Horatio.
Horatio, the handsome and loyal pet.
Talking about how handsome you are? Definitely Arc.
- Wait, you know him? - Oh, I know him all right.
Arc, you mess with the pixies, you get the sparkles! [GRUNTS] - [WHOOSH] - [GRUNTS] You know, a regular person would've said, I know the Pixie Queen she hates me! [CLEARS THROAT] I know the Pixie Queen.
- She hates me.
- Too late! Ah, ah, ah, ah Ah Na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na Ow, ow! These sparkles sting! What exactly did you do to anger the sweetest creature in the universe? My gosh, you're so nice.
[GIGGLES] I'll tell you what he did.
When Arc came here, we fed him our entire crop of tiny raspberries.
It was one thimble! How did I know it took three years to grow? In return for his feast, he promised to bring back a champion strong enough to lift a log that fell on our village.
Long story short, no champion.
And the raspberry festival was canceled.
Well, in my defense, I found an ogre and was gonna ask him.
But he was headed to knight school, so I forgot about you and decided to follow my dreams.
Is this helping? Yes, it is helping.
Helping me to remember how much I hate you! But are you going to help me? That's a big, sparkly no.
So I'll never be Ciara again? I'm gonna be a monster for the rest of my life? Only until hunting season.
[LAUGHS] Na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na Hey And my evil scheme commences in three, two one.
Oh, hello, Sage.
Warwick, what a wonderful surprise.
- What can I do for you? - Oh, nothing.
I just want to talk about life, the weather, and, you know The all-powerful Sir Gareth combat card? Yes, I need it in my life.
This is for you.
Cobra venom? My favorite perfume! You know, this makes me think you deserve that Sir Gareth card.
Thank you so much, Sage.
Just do me a favor and don't tell Prudence.
Don't tell her what? That you betrayed her? Yeah, don't tell her that.
Hey, is that for Sage? Heh! No.
It literally says "For Sage.
" Ah oh, does it? I yeah.
Sage, this must be for you.
Ooh, a pocket mace.
You get me.
You know, maybe you deserve that card.
You broke our Phoenix swear.
So? You did the same thing.
Yeah, but I didn't think you'd find out about it.
I am shocked to see such loyal squad mates fighting like this.
That sneak doesn't deserve the card.
- Give it to me.
- No, give it to me.
Well, there's only one way to settle this A nice, friendly game of combat cards.
Or a not-so-friendly game! You're going down, Giant.
I can't wait to slap the magic out of you.
[SOBS] [SNORTS] I don't know why you're crying.
If I can't turn back into Ciara, then my knight school dreams are over.
So are mine! [SNORTS] There isn't a hole in the armor for my tail.
I've had enough of your snort crying.
I'm going home.
It's the pink house.
The one that's still under a log! Wait.
Your Majesty, if I remove the log, will you fix the ring? Um, I've spent all summer sharing a toilet with a chipmunk, so no.
I know my fate is sealed.
Please, help my friend.
Very well.
Save our village and I'll restore the princess's ring.
[WHOOSH] Arc, are you sure about this? Yeah, it's the least I could do.
Besides, with my monster strength, this is gonna be super easy.
[GRUNTS] [BUZZING] Uh oh! It's infested with fire-breathing dragonflies! Why does this forest hate me? Oh, oh Ah, oh Na, na, na You did a great job making this problem better, Arc.
Maybe you can drown us next.
Don't worry.
I know what to do.
- What do I do? - You're a monster.
Make monster noises and scare them away.
I don't make monster noises.
[ROARS] The dragonflies left.
Nice work, Porkchop! [BUZZES LOUDLY] Uh oh! They left to go get their mom! Don't worry, moms love me.
[RUMBLING] It must be a dad.
Dads hate me! [RUMBLING] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Welcome to the combat card clash! Two mighty competitors will face off [WHISPERING] and end their friendship forever.
Did you just whisper something evil? [SCOFFS] Doesn't sound like me.
Sure it does.
You know what else sounds like you? Ugh, I hate cilantro.
Who wants this card? And clash! [BATTLE MUSIC] [GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] Ooh-hoo-hoo, I love combat cards.
Did you put cilantro in this? [GRUNTING] [GROWLS] Okay, I was gonna take it easy on you, but now the magic gloves are coming off.
Scrunchie, scrunchie, punchy, punch! [ZAPPING] [GRUNTS] [PANTS] I got that hammer for my sweet 16.
That's it! [YELLS] BOTH: Warwick-shaped hole! Warwick-shaped hole! A warwick-shaped hole? Does this seem familiar to you? This is how you were holding me the last time you threw me through a wall.
We've lost our minds again.
No card's worth our friendship.
This combat's over, Sage.
[MOCKING] Oh, we're friends.
We won't hurt each other.
That's what you dum dums sound like.
Well, at least I can sell that card for, like, a billion gold coins.
No, you can't.
I gave that card to Sir Gareth! What? He traded me for a Buttercup card.
[GIGGLES] He said it was one of a kind! Ah, look at those hands and my luxurious dreadlocks.
I bet this was when I still had my spleen.
[RUMBLING] Arc, if that thing doesn't fry you, I will! [RUMBLING] Ugh, the dragon bug's gonna roast me like a marshmallow and I still have pudding in my pits! The pudding, that's it! You are not eating pit pudding.
Dragonflies love sweets.
Use the gummy worm to draw it away and I'll lift the log.
How do you know I still have the gummy worm? My snout is super sensitive.
That's a lovely shampoo, by the way.
[SNORTS] Hey, Dragonfly! Come get some yummy nummy gummy worm! [RUMBLING] [BUZZES] [RUMBLING] Go, Arc! Now's your chance! [RUMBLING] [GRUNTS] DRAGONFLY: [BUZZES] [RUMBLING] Hey! Go get the gummy, dummy! [BUZZES] You saved our village! Princess, thank you.
Arc, you're not completely horrible.
I'm so happy, my tail is wagging.
A deal is a deal.
Princess, I've repaired your ring.
Thank you.
Your Majesty, what Arc just did was incredibly unselfish.
That should count for something.
You're right, it should.
But it doesn't.
Buh bye! PIXIES: [BUZZING] Yes, pixies, I know Arc saved our village.
No, he broke his promise.
PIXIES: [BUZZING] Well, that language is inappropriate! Fine! [SIGHS] It's the feeling of the pixie community that you deserve to be returned back to normal.
Please note this decision was not unanimous.
Thank you so much! Is there anything else we can do? Yes.
Go away! [ZAP] I'm Ciara again! And you're not a monkey pig! Hello, beautiful nose.
Hello, beautiful tail-free butt! I am so glad everything's back to normal.
Me too.
[SNORTS] Oh, no, I'm still oinking.
We are not going back there.
That is a part of you now! Ah