Kung Fu Panda: The Dragon Knight (2022) s01e09 Episode Script

Slow Boat to England

[exclaiming, grunting]
[majestic music plays]
[gong chimes]
I've underestimated Po.
Clearly, my best aren't up to the task.
But if anyone can help me catch him
- It's you.
- [suspenseful music plays]
I refuse to give up information
on my beautiful boy.
I'd rather die!
Whoa! Hey. I was just gonna have you
send him a letter or something.
You'd have to shoot me with your crossbow!
Whoa, there.
- You'd have to snap my neck in half!
- [growls] Excuse you.
You'd have to rip me limb from limb,
chop me up into little tiny pieces,
fire me into the sun,
collect my ashes, and reassemble me
before I let one word escape from my bill!
I didn't expect such a fight
from a common cook.
You have to be a little crazy
to open a restaurant.
I'm telling you,
60% fail within the first year,
and almost 80% by the fifth.
Go ahead, go ahead, try me.
I'm a loose cannon
loaded with paternal love
[guard] Uh, your Highness.
[groaning] Let go!
Excuse the, uh, interruption,
but a very impatient old monkey
is here to sell you a, uh
[suspenseful music plays]
I'm a sucker for impulse buys.
Bring them to me! [clapping]
- [mystical music plays]
- Ooh!
[chuckling] Now that's how
you make a dramatic entrance.
[suspenseful music plays]
- [gong chimes]
- [dramatic music plays]
[Po] Woohoo! Yes! We did it!
We caught Klaus and Veruca,
or whatever their names are.
You can call me anything you like,
hunky bear.
Uh [chuckles awkwardly] Okay.
Kind of uncomfortable now.
I suppose it's time for us to
Do the secret handshake
we never came up with?
To part ways.
Partnerships end when the goal is met.
That's how these things work.
Oh. Uh [hesitates] Right.
What? What are you doing? What is that?
Bring it in. Hug time.
No, knights don't hug.
What? Wait a second.
You're telling me knights and squires
aren't constantly hugging?
Goodbye, Po.
So long, hunky bear.
Safe journeys to you.
- [soft music plays]
- [gasps]
[music intensifies]
[exclaims softly]
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Your mission isn't over,
and, uh, neither is mine.
I said I'd guide you through China,
and that means
all the way through to the docks.
Don't you need to return the gauntlet?
So I'm a disgraced former Dragon Master
for one more day.
I know where the whip is,
I'll head there after.
[gasps] He knows where the whip is.
I heard that too, Klausy, I did.
[cackling continues]
Cackle a bit less obviously, would you?
[cackles softly]
Let me help you one last time.
Plus, I know a shortcut.
[atmospheric music plays]
- Very well.
- Yes!
- Yes! [laughs]
- [triumphant music plays]
High five.
Or not. That's cool, that's cool.
We'll get that later.
Po and Blade! Po-lade!
[Po] Blade-po!
[Blade] Oh,
please don't mash our names together.
[majestic music plays]
Great Emperor,
I come to you this day with an offer.
A weapon of immense power,
capable of defeating any foe.
Any foe, huh?
Any foe.
- Big foes?
- Any foe.
- Big foes who
- Any foe!
[suspenseful music plays]
But it won't come cheap.
I'm not walking out of here
with less than half of China's treasury.
[all laughing]
[stops laughing]
[gradually stops laughing]
You're serious.
Well, where is it?
That's it? A stick?
I have sticks!
Uh, shuffle her out into the snowbank,
or wherever we put them.
[dramatic music plays]
- [atmospheric music plays]
- [whirring]
[gasps, exclaims softly]
As I was saying,
I'm not leaving without half the treasury.
[chuckles] Sounds like a steal.
[atmospheric music plays]
Alls we gotta do is rent a boat,
head downriver, and bam,
we hit the docks.
Uh-oh. Only two boats left, huh?
[gasps] Ah, now we're talking.
[Po] Ooh, and it comes
with a convenient cup holder.
Hi, we'd like to rent your boat.
- [boat owner whimpers]
- [dramatic music plays]
[boat owner] I don't want any trouble.
[spluttering] In fact,
I'm not even here. I, um Nope.
- I, uh I left a few minutes ago.
- Uh
We can still see you.
[boat owner] But I can't see you,
which is what matters.
I've seen the posters.
You're wanted by the Emperor.
Oh, that's all a big
Look, these are our prisoners.
We're the good guys.
[sighs] Stand still
or I'll turn you into weasel pudding.
Is this what sunlight feels like?
She only lets us out of our rooms
once a month.
[boat owner] Sorry. No boat for you.
Aw, man. No cup holder.
[male voice] Did I just hear
you're a wanted criminal on the run?
[Po] M-Maybe we focus
more on "wanted" than "criminal."
Oh ho ho, that's rich!
Hunky bear's a fugitive too?
Hey, I'm only a criminal
because of what you guys did.
Playing the blame game, are we, sweets?
You know that saying:
if you look around and don't know
who the criminal is, it's you.
Wait, what? That makes no sense.
Enough! Will you rent to us or not?
[boat owner 2] Take it!
Fugitive from the government?
I hate the government.
Kudos to you for sticking it to the man.
Here's the anchor.
Uh, shouldn't it be
tied to a rope or something?
Thanks for your generosity, good sir.
Just be careful.
It's a lease.
A lease! [squawks]
[both grunt]
[suspenseful music plays]
[serene music plays]
Are you sure this is a shortcut?
This thing seems slow.
Yeah. This is, like, the shortest shortcut
to get through China.
For sure. Definitely.
[Po] Super short
Oh, Pandy Wandy is so fuzzy.
- I just wanna give him a hug.
- [sighs]
Stay focused, Veruca.
- We've got to find a way
- Don't even think about it.
[Klaus] The only thing
I'm thinking is you need a mint.
[male voice 2]
Good morning, Dragon Master.
Lovely day for a walk, isn't it?
Yes, there's nothing
quite like a lovely stroll
to get you where you want to be.
- He's walking faster than we are!
- [dramatic music plays]
[goat] Fine day, indeed.
[groans] That's it! We're getting out.
No, no, no. It's faster, Blade. I promise.
What are you gonna do? Am I right?
[serene music plays]
Are we there yet?
We're almost there.
Maybe halfway.
But we're making great time.
[quietly] Probably.
Take your time,
Pandy Wandy Fuzzy Poppy Fluff!
[rhythmic music playing]
[clamoring, cheering]
[laughing, whooping]
I'm so excited for the Moon Festival!
Yeah! The Moon Festival!
Moon Festival?
Moon Festival?!
Moon Festival
- Moon Festival?
- [mystical music plays]
Wha What?
Who knew that the Moon Festival
would be on our shortcut?
[scoffs] Not this guy.
- It's the day of the Moon Festival.
- Yeah, the Moon Festival!
- The Moon Festival's upon us! Yay!
- Hooray for the Moon Festival!
- Yay! The Moon Festival's upon us!
- [grunts]
I'm so excited for the Moon Festival!
There's got to be a way through.
Try to pass that boat on the left.
No one's moving.
Can't use my powers
if we're stuck on the water.
Do something, would you?
Patience, Veruca.
Our opportunity will come.
How awfully confident
for someone who ain't got no plan.
Who says I don't have a plan?
Try to pass them on the right.
No, trust me,
we stay in the left lane, it's way faster.
Just do it!
Wait your turn!
- [grunts]
- Whoops! Oh, sorry!
Got distracted placing my drink
into this convenient cup holder.
Aw, man! Lucky.
[sighs] Let's walk the rest of the way.
Not a terrible idea.
Oh! Wouldn't mind
a stretch of the ol' legs, I wouldn't.
I don't know what mind tricks
you're trying to play, but quiet!
Hey, I know it's stressful,
but if we go with the flow,
we'll get through the festival and reach
the docks faster than if we'd walked.
In the meantime, just look around!
What better place to spend
your last day in China? It's fun.
I know, knights don't "fun."
Not even when they're surrounded by it.
But, come on!
They're tied up. Try to relax.
Knights don't relax, either.
Okay, let's compromise.
How about 50% relaxed, 50% vigilant?
How about 99% vigilant, 1% relaxed?
Deal. Wait
Ninety-nine percent Fifty-one Aw
[serene music plays]
[gasps] Blade!
You can't leave China
without learning to play erhu!
[plays, strums]
Yeah, I've never played it.
I'm more of a flute guy.
[ominous music plays]
Blade! Look at this.
You can't leave China
without poking a mummy.
This is a Chinese cultural experience?
[chuckling] It should be.
- [suspenseful music plays]
- [groans softly]
- [gags] Too gross. I'm done.
- [gags] Gross!
[suspenseful music plays]
Blade! You can't leave China
without eating dim sum.
[cheerful music plays]
[sighs] Service is terrible here.
[chuckles] You don't go
to dim sum for the service.
You go for the taste. [snorts]
Mm, mm, mm.
Oh. Mm. [muffled] This is
[chuckles] Right?
A little piece of heaven?
Mm, mm, mm.
You know, I have to admit,
today was pretty fun.
I guess it really is okay
to be 1% relaxed
Help, guards! We've been kidnapped.
[tense music plays]
There he is! The Dragon Master!
Like I said, 1% relaxed is 1% too much.
Oh no! What are we gonna do?
You are hereby under arrest
for stealing the WuGao Gauntlet.
Hi, yeah. Funny story,
I was just on my way to return it
after capturing the actual thieves.
Please! You have to help us.
This madman abducted us from our homes!
He's mad crazy insane, he is!
What? No! That's not true.
I was going to the Emperor
to clear it all up. I love the Emperor.
[guard 2] This Emperor?
- That's them!
- [gasps]
They stole from our shops.
A priceless vase!
An erhu!
Not priceless, but it was up there.
They just took brushes from me,
but they had sentimental value.
Okay, that's ridiculous.
Where would I even put that stuff?
[Klaus clears throat loudly]
- [Klaus] Over here?
- Huh?
[tense music plays]
So, you're gonna love this.
[to Blade] Paddle.
We were on our way to see you
Paddle, Blade, paddle!
[guards] Whoa!
- [cackling]
- [dramatic music plays]
Ugh! I knew these two were
up to something. They set you up.
- We did!
- Classic us.
He's getting away! Follow him!
[guard 3 grunts]
- Shashabooey!
- [groaning]
[grunts, yells]
- [dramatic music plays]
- [grunting, yelling]
- [grunting]
- [yelling]
It's here!
It's so beautiful!
[majestic music plays]
[in unison] Huh?
[both gasp]
[gasping in awe]
This way.
[suspenseful music plays]
[guard 4] I think they headed this way.
[insects chirp]
[Blade] Move it.
This is not how I saw today going.
What do you mean?
The festival!
You knew the festival was today?
Uh, I mean, not the festival. I, uh
I may have noticed a flier.
- Hm
- [suspenseful music plays]
You're leaving, and it happened so fast.
I just wanted to have
one more fun day together!
I can't believe you lied to me!
You know how important this mission is,
you knew I was anxious,
and you used that against me!
[sighs] This is what happens
when you trust people.
You were just gonna leave forever!
So I wanted to show you
what you'd miss about China, and
Maybe what you'd miss about me.
You wanted to trick me into having fun?
I wanted to encourage you
to admit we're friends.
Why is that so hard for you?
[sighs] Because we're not friends.
[soft music plays]
And I'm very glad
this is our last day together.
This is where our mission ends.
You don't even want me
to walk you to the docks?
I think I'll be better off on my own.
Goodbye, Po.
[exhales softly]
Uh, how about just "until we meet again"?
[ominous music plays]
[gasps] Hey!
Hey, give that back, plant!
Not a plant.
Credit where credit's due.
- [Blade] Dark magic!
- [Po] Whoa!
No. No.
No! [grunting]
I won't let it end this way!
- [dramatic music plays]
- [grunting, yelling]
Wouldn't do that if I were you.
[Veruca cackles]
- [whirring]
- Huh? [groans softly]
Tell us where the whip is or
I'm turning the cute one into plant food.
[suspenseful music plays]
I lied to you
because I wasn't ready to let go.
A real friend wouldn't do that.
[Po] I'm sorry, Blade.
[dramatic music plays]
Don't let them
get another weapon because of me.
Some ideas for my epitaph:
"Here lies Po, kung fu master,
and five-time Little Mister Plum Blossom."
- [groans]
- [dramatic music plays]
A monkey named Rukhmini took the whip
to the Emperor's vacation palace
in the Northern Mountains.
Blade! What are you doing?
Wouldn't be lying to us, would you?
[tense music plays]
Another time, Pandy. [kisses]
[suspenseful music plays]
- [music intensifies]
- [yells]
So why am I not plant food?
Klaus and Veruca are
on the way to the Emperor's palace.
That means the gauntlet
and the whip will be there.
And we're going to go get them.
- We?
- [soft music plays]
A team?
You still owe me a shortcut,
but now we need it to meet the Emperor.
Come on, squire.
We still have a mission to finish.
He's not gonna be happy to see me.
[Blade] What's Little Mister Plum Blossom?
[Po] A very cool competition for good boys
and I'm not ashamed of it.
[stirring music plays]
Oh, finally! After 30 long years
Now, hand over the whip.
- Oh, once I'm outside, you'll get it.
- [growls]
But you were never going to get outside.
- [tense music plays]
- [guards growl]
[chuckles, claps]
[scoffs] Well, at least it's a fair fight.
- [emperor] Get on with it then!
- [yelling]
- [whooshing]
- [exclaims]
[atmospheric music plays]
- [dramatic music plays]
- [grunting, yelling]
[rhythmic music plays]
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