Las Vegas s02e12 Episode Script
When You Got to Go, You Got to Go
The other half if you please, my man.
I believe that's seven straight.
How do you beat that, Billy Murphy? Can't beat that with a stick, Samantha Jane.
Set a date yet? I'm working on a plan.
It's good to have a plan.
Right, what's with this whole "I heart" thing? Well, it's just the natural progression of the whole "I love" thing.
Hence, "I Heart Duran Duran Weekend.
" I think it's cheesy and it bugs the hell out of me.
Which is exactly why we're gonna keep saying it.
Like, I heart a big butt.
Yeah, I heart another drink.
I heart it, too.
It's cute.
I think you two like it because of the whole Duran Duran thing.
Yeah, I heard that their new album is supposed to be pretty awesome.
Yeah, I heard that, too.
Don't change the subject.
That's right, didn't you two see Duran Duran together back in the day? That's right.
I seem to remember some talk about a high school adventure that culminated in some post concert shenanigans.
I'd heart to hear all about it.
Me, too.
I'd heart to hear all about it.
Hello, boys and girls.
Good night, boss.
Good night.
You guys all set for Divine Divine? Duran Duran.
Yeah.
I knew there was no last name.
All set.
Oh, my God.
Here you are.
I thought you'd never come.
Danny, you see that guy over there? Don't look.
Yeah, okay.
Just pick up his tab.
Give him anything he wants.
Anything, okay? Who is he? It's Frank, the repairman.
We're comping a repairman? Never mind.
Just do it, okay? Okay.
Darn it.
Tell him I'm real late for this Steve Wynn thing.
And just tell him I'll be right back.
Okay? Okay.
Don't forget.
Okay, I won't.
All right, have a great time, okay? Bye, Daddy.
Bye, boss.
Hey, Ed.
We heart you.
What's that? We heart you.
Breathe wrong and you're dead.
I don't know what you want but this is definitely not the way to get it.
Shut up.
Polanti.
I hear these keep pretty good time.
Yeah.
I wouldn't know.
I got a Swatch.
Hey, look man, if you're with the Company Company? I haven't worked in three years.
I just want what I'm owed.
Nothing more.
I owe you something? I don't know who the hell you are.
What the hell.
It's not gonna matter, anyway.
Yeah, so? So.
You fired me.
I fired you? I just told you I have no idea who the hell you are.
You run the place.
I hold you responsible.
You're a wacko, man.
Shut up.
I just want what I'm owed.
You listen to me, you ugly ass punk.
You make sure you kill me, you hear me? 'Cause if you don't I swear to God on my mother, I'll kill you.
Yes! Unconscious.
Ain't I just? Ask her, Billy.
Ask me what? Abby I mean, we want to get married.
What do you know about that? I just happened to have checked into the Montecito chapel and there's a few ceremonies tomorrow but I think we can fit in Mr.
And Mrs.
Billy.
Well, we want to get married now.
It's 3:00 a.
m.
It is? And when I get back from the ladies room, I expect there to be a car out front.
A lot of moxie in that girl.
Yeah, Abby, she bought these rings.
Irish Claddagh rings.
See the two hands holding the heart? Romantic.
Whatever, they were, like, $30 for the pair.
Jimmy, keep an eye on my chips.
You got it.
But they're lucky as hell.
Now Abby says she's gonna throw hers into the Bellagio fountain if we don't get hitched tonight.
Now, I'm on one hell of a streak.
How bad can marriage be? I can have a limo waiting in the main valet for you in three minutes.
It's $55 for the license.
Now the Marriage License Bureau is open 24 hours on the weekends.
There's always a line but I happen to know the clerk so I can have you back at the tables by sunrise.
Ed.
Yeah.
Listen carefully.
I'm holding Ed Deline.
A series of non-negotiable demands will follow.
Who is this? Is this some kind of joke? Get up and go to your office and wait for me to contact you.
If you fail to follow my instructions, what happens next will be your fault.
I wanna talk to Ed.
Leave a message for Ed Deline.
Okay, here you go.
We're all set.
Oh, cool.
All right.
Where's the judge? It's 4:00 a.
m.
, so there's no judge.
All night priest? I'm afraid not, Billy.
So who's gonna marry us? The only rules are that you've to get married in the State of Nevada within a year of the issuance of the marriage license so anybody who's authorized to perform ceremonies.
Where do we find said person? Would you like to walk the gauntlet? I'll marry you.
Right here.
Free Cabala bracelet of $300 value with every ceremony.
Wise men say only fools don't get married at the Moonlight Fantasy Chapel.
Only $399.
Sunrise special, $279.
This is crazy.
This is hilarious.
It's Vegas.
What do you think, hon, the King? I think the King.
Yeah, all right.
Right this way, folks.
What are you doing, Marty? They're mine.
You heard the lady.
She said she wants the King.
What am I? A fried peanut butter and banana sandwich? Sweetie, take it ease.
I like the lady King.
She's got a better deal.
He likes you.
Let's go.
See? But You've undercut me for the last time, Charlene.
Shut up, Marty.
You shut up! Right this way, please.
So what does this guy want? He didn't say.
Money? You'd think.
You think it's a CIA thing? No.
If the CIA's gonna kidnap somebody they're sure as hell not going to call and say they did.
You don't think he's testing us, do you? No.
Look, the call came from Ed's cellphone, right? So we ought to be able to figure out where the caller was.
I'm already on it.
Cell calls are easy to trace because you can identify the originating cell site.
My buddy at Southern Nevada wireless is sending us the data right now.
Think we should call his house? Maybe Ed lost his phone, or somebody lifted it and they're trying to grift us.
Maybe it's nothing.
Do we want to freak Jillian out? Screw it.
I'm calling his home number.
Hi, you've reached the Delines.
Jillian's in New York until Tuesday and I'm wherever I am, so please leave a message.
I got the data from the cellphone provider.
That pinpoint is where the call from Ed's phone to you originated.
It's the airport parking lot.
Let's go.
Hey, man, where you been? To put things in motion.
Hey, look I gotta piss.
You know, for a guy in your situation you don't seem to be too worried.
You see, you know, if you gotta go, right? Just uncuff one of my hands so I can get myself in the right position.
Thanks, man.
See, I heard about your whole Delta Force, CIA Piss in your pants.
Come on man, you've asked Ed about kidnapping before? It happens a lot in this town, Mikey.
You know that.
Vegas is full of high-profile people with ready access to untraceable cash.
So what are we supposed to do? Ed told me specifically, never pay a ransom, never call the cops.
Why? Because once a kidnapper gets the money, why take the chance you can identify him? It's safer for him to kill you than it is to let you go.
It's Ed's watch.
"Check your email.
Tick tock.
" Damn.
Let's go.
As the sun rises once again over this city of dreams we are gathered together to make one more a reality.
I need that ring back on my finger.
Can she please cut to the chase? Billy.
Sweetie, chop, chop.
Okay, sure.
Okay, sure thing.
Do you William Henry Harrison Murphy Stop.
Marty? What're you doing here? The power vested in me.
Man and wife.
Say that part.
I told you not to mess with me, Charlene.
Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, Marty! Let's shake, rattle and roll, boys.
My wig! Stop! He wants $213,000.
We'll receive the location of the drop later.
$213,000? Who the hell is this guy? Dr.
Evil? "It's what I'm owed.
" You will receive the That's not spelled right.
What? "L" before "E" except after "C.
" So he misspelled "receive," so what? "Make no mistake, if you contact law enforcement of any kind "Ed Deline is a dead man.
" Well, he spelled "dead" right.
Why $213,000? Maybe he's crazy or maybe he lost this exact amount in the casino.
Could be reason enough to grab up the boss.
Let's check that amount.
No one's lost exactly $213,000 here since the Montecito opened.
All right.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you looking at porn? Yeah.
Cool.
Let me see.
No.
It's probably not for you.
All right.
Just FYI that stuff stays on your hard drive even after you erase it.
That's good to know.
Either of you seen my dad? No.
Probably dead.
What? His cellphone.
I've been trying to call him all morning and it keeps going to voicemail.
You guys gotta get him a charger for his office.
That's a good idea.
Will you let him know that Mary's moved the VIP Duran Duran show to Mystique and I'm going to be helping her out? Okay.
Sure.
Okay, you guys are weird.
Hey.
Hit it.
Whatever's happened so far we can work it out.
You have a daughter.
Listen, you worthless sack of crap.
Don't you ever think about Save the macho garbage for the casino, all right? I have a daughter, too.
Her mother took her because she said I couldn't provide for her.
I haven't seen her in three years.
What's her name? Kiss my ass, that's her name.
What happened to you, man? You happened.
You screwed up my life.
You know how bad it hurts, not to see your kid? Yeah, I do.
You said I owe you.
$213,000 even.
And I'm not charging interest.
I'm a fair guy.
Look, I like to think of myself as a standup guy, too.
So if I've hurt you in anyway financially we'll work it out, man.
You mean it? Yeah, I do.
Look, just let me out of here and we call this thing a mulligan.
Spare me the hostage-negotiator psycho garbage.
It ain't working.
Listen, you yellow rat bastard, my people have strict instructions.
They're not going to pay you a dime in ransom 'cause, see, if you pay one douchebag word gets out.
Then all the other douchebags, they get cocky.
You know what? You better pray they pay 'cause I've had three years to think about what I'd do to you if they don't.
Then let's pray together, shall we? This is going to be a great story you can tell your grandchildren.
I'm gonna go upstairs and get some sleep.
I'll be right up, hon.
Good night, Sam.
Good night.
I'm sorry.
Pleasant dreams.
Listen, the police are going to launch a full investigation.
But you have your marriage license.
I can have the Montecito chapel available to you anytime you want.
Not without the rings.
Yeah, I'm gonna replace those rings personally.
I'm going to have two platinum, diamond encrusted three carat D flawless, there you go.
Money plays outside.
Here.
Come on.
Come on.
Two.
28 Black.
Yeah.
It's just one bet, Billy.
Yeah, marriage is a bet, too.
A big one.
My luck is in those rings, Sam.
And now they're gone.
Yes, but, Billy Just give me some time, Billy.
What's this? I traced the kidnapper's email sent to you.
He sent it from an Internet coffee house up in Henderson.
This is the sign-in sheet.
I had them fax it over to us.
Only one person rented computer time at the same time the email was sent to you.
So the guy calls himself Brain? What, does he want us to think he's smarter than we are? I don't know.
So I'm gonna search the database and try to match the handwriting.
It's worth a shot, I guess.
Or we could just call Luis.
Just Luis.
We talked about this, no cops.
Danny, you're not listening to me Look, Mike.
I've never had to pull rank before but I will.
Tell me you don't feel this thing getting away from us! Are you done? Start that database research.
I'll be back.
I hope you like chocolate.
It's not Mystique but for the guy who screwed up my life, I think it's pretty generous.
You've been to Mystique, huh? Bella Sera, Jester's Court.
I know the Montecito from the inside out.
Yeah.
Look what the hell is this thing here? It's a heated bidet toilet seat.
Yeah? It comes from Korea.
I don't know if I'd want to put my naked behind on that.
It's electrical, right? It's low voltage, dummy.
It's perfectly safe.
These things These things are gonna be big over here.
Your boy Danny doesn't screw up you might be out of here in time to give it a try.
Really? Looking at porn, again? Have a seat.
We need to know if anyone's lost $213,000 who's not on the books.
That's easy to check.
The casino computer tracks the wagers of every player on the floor.
Except the ones that you tell it not to.
That would violate company policy, Danny.
Come on, Ness, we know some of your players deal only in cash.
And we also know that you don't always put everyone's info into the system.
$213,000? Yes.
Steven Chae.
He writes the column for the as Vegas Mirror the "Sin City Undercover.
" Right? Yeah.
Chae welshed on a big marker last year.
Ed had him 86'd.
Chae came back with an offer.
He'd keep our high profile clients out of the paper if Ed worked out a payment plan.
You know where this guy lives? Wait.
What's with all the questions? Where's Ed? Where does he live, Nessa? Is this the new Duran Duran? Yeah.
So? You gonna tell me what happened in high school? Nope.
Mike, we're watching the guy's house here.
Come on.
Look, I'm not Joe Stakeout.
I didn't know there were rules about making conversation.
I think you should tell me why you clammed up when Nessa brought up the Duran Duran concert you and Danny went to.
Ancient history.
And I was an archeology major.
You never graduated.
What happened? Come on, we swore we would never discuss it.
Okay.
Senior year.
I get tickets to Duran Duran at the Thomas and Mack and we decide after the concert we're gonna you know, do it for the first time.
As in the big nasty Sex, Delinda.
Yes.
You're gonna play the album from the same band while you're doing it.
Yeah, I had the whole thing planned out.
Juvenile, yet romantic.
Yeah.
No, but Danny, right he's a little nervous beforehand about Performance anxiety? Yes.
So before the concert, we break into my father's liquor cabinet.
So I stop at a liquor store and talk some older guy into buying us a bottle of peppermint schnapps.
How foul.
I know, right? We sneak the bottle into the concert and Danny proceeds to drink the entire thing.
And she drinks the whole thing.
Damn, man.
Yeah.
About 10 minutes into the concert she blows chunks all over my Air Jordans.
And he hurls all over my white cowboy boots.
Your Jordans? Yeah.
That's just wrong.
I know.
Then I finally drag her out to the car, and she's all over me.
And he tells me that he loves me.
Talking all this crazy "I love you forever" nonsense taking her clothes off.
Somehow, I dragged him out of there, I got him home and I put him to bed.
You didn't.
No, trust me, he woke up in the middle of the night and tried.
No.
Come on, man.
She was wasted.
We never spoke of it again.
That was the last we talked about it.
This is just between us? Yeah.
Of course.
And that's just between you and me, brother.
That's him.
Where'd you get these? I'm a Marine, where do you think I got them? Hands in the air! Don't move, I swear This ain't the guy.
I know.
We were never here.
We're running out of options here, partner.
Yeah, I know.
Wait.
Yeah.
The money should come only from the drop boxes on the casino floor not the cashier or the counting room.
Put the money in a black 30-gallon trash bag and wait for further instructions.
Wait.
How do we know you're gonna let him go? Hey.
Son of a Yo, Elvis? Bride's dressing room to the left.
Vending machines to the right and crapper's right behind the altar.
Charming.
I'm not here for a wedding.
Hi.
You were at the melee at Charlene's this morning, right? What's your name? I'm gonna have you subpoenaed.
I need the rings.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Right.
Well, we searched the other chapel so what's it gonna take? No amount of money's gonna work on me.
I will not give Charlene the satisfaction.
I've been married to that water buffalo for 12 long years.
So, you and little girl Elvis are married? Yeah.
But our divorce is final next week.
Okay.
Six months ago she decides to open up a competing chapel just to chap my hide.
I need the rings.
Even if I had them, and I'm not saying that I do there ain't a chance I would give them back.
Screw the happy people.
You're still in love with her.
Marty, you're not fooling anyone.
Just give me the rings.
No.
Listen, jumpsuit Elvis.
I'll be getting those rings.
Trust me.
Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it! Look, I feel really terrible about what happened.
In fact, I'd like to pay for the rings.
Well, it's not about the cost.
The rings had sentimental value.
You go see Marty? Yeah.
Yeah, he wouldn't help you out, would he? No.
He is so damn stubborn when it's got anything to do with me.
Maybe it's because he still in love with you.
You think so? You know, when Elvis and Priscilla were splitsville it never got bitter.
That's nice.
He tell you we're married? Yeah.
He said it ain't over yet.
Really? Anything? Nothing.
The last call came from a payphone on The Strip.
All right.
We pay.
Wait.
I thought Ed said no ransom.
You said it yourself, we're running out of options.
Besides this might give Ed time to do something.
I'm calling Nessa.
Get the money.
Okay.
Security check.
Surprise count.
Yeah.
What's going on in here? You son of a bitch.
What's this, huh? You think you can get away? You think I'm gonna let you go? You're gonna die in this room, like the turd that you are.
$213,000 exactly.
You sure about this? Not at all.
Hey, sweetie.
I need your comp list for the Duran Duran show.
I'm in the middle of something.
I saw your whales checking out.
I thought they were coming to the show? Which whales? The guy from Philly and the cute brunette.
Wait.
Were they going to another hotel? I think I heard them say they were going to the airport.
Hang on.
We gotta go.
Come on.
It's from Ed.
It's from his phone, but how do we know it's him? Push in right there on his hand.
That's Ed's wedding ring.
Come on, Ed, if you can send us a picture, why can't you call us? Thank you.
The cellphone provider says they can narrow the picture mail call down to a four square block area.
I'll meet you downstairs in two minutes.
Wait.
That four square block area has over 14,000 hotel rooms in it.
It's Danny.
Send your four best people up to surveillance right away.
You.
Get your ass in the car.
Hey, jumpsuit.
Grab the rings.
But Now.
Yes, ma'am.
Go to every Strip hotel from Desert Inn Road to Sahara.
Find the head of housekeeping, show them this picture.
We need to know if they can identify anything in this bathroom.
The tile, molding, toilet, anything.
Ask them, "Does this exist in your hotel?" Go.
Go.
Get back to us.
Yeah.
On top of the trash can.
Employee parking lot 8, northeast corner.
Five minutes.
I'll release Deline in one hour.
Yeah.
We're out of time.
Watch it.
Move! Forget it, man.
What do we do now? What can we do? We wait.
One hour.
Billy.
Hey, Sam.
We found your rings.
These are them.
Thanks.
But I think it's a little too late.
Billy, is it ever really too late for true love? Hey, you got a quarter? A quarter.
Yeah.
I got one.
Right here.
There you go.
I won $10.
Look at that! Look at that, you're back.
I think we should go over to the Montecito chapel.
Let's go get married.
What the hell? Let's do it here.
Or, let's do it here.
You guys? You guys ready? Sure.
Dearly beloved Marty? Charlene? You were expecting somebody else? Danny McCoy paid up.
I'm very happy for you.
You got what you were owed.
You know somehow it's not as satisfying as I'd hoped.
I think if you died of hypothermia, then I'd feel like we were really even.
You know, those are backwards.
No, they're not.
But you're a dead man.
You coward.
You mark my words.
You're the dead man, you understand? Dead.
Goodbye, Ed.
Six hours and nothing.
Not a phone call, not an email address.
We blew it, Danny.
We ran this thing ass backwards.
You checked the tile and the moldings? It's all Home Depot stuff, too common to trace.
I've been through it a dozen times.
What about the toilet seat? What about it? It's a toilet seat.
Dude, just push in on it, please.
Fine.
A little more.
Right there.
Stop.
Look.
Right there on the side.
There's something attached to it.
Whatever it is, it's out of frame.
Wait.
There are some numbers.
9-6-0.
Numbers doesn't matter.
I've checked on all the toilet seats I care to think about.
You know my old man's a contractor, right? Of course.
He used to make me help out with the plumbers.
And a couple years ago we were remodeling a bathroom for this old lady neighbor and she had hemorrhoids, something fierce.
The "ring of fire," she called it.
You're losing it, man.
I remember her saying that the only thing that helped sort of put out the ring of fire was the warm water that squirted up from this special seat.
Like a bidet toilet seat? Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty awesome actually.
You gotta pucker up the first couple of times but after a while I liked it.
Got it.
It's the CleanJet 960.
Made in Korea, not sold in stores, special order only.
Who are you calling? It's the middle of the night.
Not in Seoul.
Great.
I'm calling from Las Vegas, USA.
I ordered a CleanJet 960 some time ago and I never received it.
Can you tell me where you shipped it to? Yeah.
That's me.
We got an address.
I'll explain the Korean later.
You the guys with the pizza? Bobby.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Mr.
Be Right Back.
Four different countries, you know what you said to me? Be right back.
Guess what? We got a little back problem here.
Ed, getting to see you is getting tougher than to see the Pope.
Pope? You think there's a Pope alive that would take a look at you? What you got going there? It's like a lovely contusion there, Bruce Lee.
I just been practicing.
Really? What are you doing here? I don't know.
I had a few days to kill so I thought I come over to your joint and hang around.
Eventually, you'll feel sorry for me and come up and say: "How you doing, old friend?" Well, I did.
And I'm feeling sorry for you so what I thought I'd do for you is put you up in the Presidential Suite.
No, you're kidding? I swear to God.
Upstairs? Upstairs.
Running water? TV? Everything? Bathroom.
Pass.
To tell you the truth, this place isn't quite you know, what I like.
Too many high steppers.
Yeah.
But on a serious note, I got a gap in the schedule.
So if you need any repair work, just you know which chain to pull and just ask for, I don't know Mr.
Be Right Back.
Yeah, you are.
Come on, old man.
Old man? I got your old man.
Take it easy.
You want me to send you that raw steak? It's a retainer.
Hey, boys.
How are you? Good.
Mike.
Thanks.
I just want to see if it hurts.
You jerk.
The only real mistake you guys made was to pay that ransom.
You should have known this guy would have never let me go.
Hey, it bought us enough time to figure out that picture you sent us.
The Montecito has fired 3,217 people in the last three years.
That's all? So we're going to split these up and start looking.
Hey, sweetie.
What the hell happened to you? New karate instructor.
Do you know I've been calling you all day long? I know, sweetheart.
I'm sorry.
Daddy, you got to remember to charge your cellphone.
I will, sweetie.
In fact, I'm gonna get a new one.
I have to.
All right.
Duran Duran is about to come on.
You guys ready? No, why don't you guys go without me? We'll take care of that thing in the morning, okay? You sure? Oh yeah, sure.
All right.
Bobby, give me another one, will you? You got it.
Hey.
Long day? Good luck.
Let me ask you.
The hot and cold, they're reversed, right? Yeah.
It's been like that since they built this bar three years ago.
Whoever installed the thing must have put them in backwards.
Yeah, right.
Okay, Mystique, let's show a little love and give it up for Duran Duran! From the lady.
From the gentleman.
Peppermint schnapps.
Here, beat me.
I believe that's seven straight.
How do you beat that, Billy Murphy? Can't beat that with a stick, Samantha Jane.
Set a date yet? I'm working on a plan.
It's good to have a plan.
Right, what's with this whole "I heart" thing? Well, it's just the natural progression of the whole "I love" thing.
Hence, "I Heart Duran Duran Weekend.
" I think it's cheesy and it bugs the hell out of me.
Which is exactly why we're gonna keep saying it.
Like, I heart a big butt.
Yeah, I heart another drink.
I heart it, too.
It's cute.
I think you two like it because of the whole Duran Duran thing.
Yeah, I heard that their new album is supposed to be pretty awesome.
Yeah, I heard that, too.
Don't change the subject.
That's right, didn't you two see Duran Duran together back in the day? That's right.
I seem to remember some talk about a high school adventure that culminated in some post concert shenanigans.
I'd heart to hear all about it.
Me, too.
I'd heart to hear all about it.
Hello, boys and girls.
Good night, boss.
Good night.
You guys all set for Divine Divine? Duran Duran.
Yeah.
I knew there was no last name.
All set.
Oh, my God.
Here you are.
I thought you'd never come.
Danny, you see that guy over there? Don't look.
Yeah, okay.
Just pick up his tab.
Give him anything he wants.
Anything, okay? Who is he? It's Frank, the repairman.
We're comping a repairman? Never mind.
Just do it, okay? Okay.
Darn it.
Tell him I'm real late for this Steve Wynn thing.
And just tell him I'll be right back.
Okay? Okay.
Don't forget.
Okay, I won't.
All right, have a great time, okay? Bye, Daddy.
Bye, boss.
Hey, Ed.
We heart you.
What's that? We heart you.
Breathe wrong and you're dead.
I don't know what you want but this is definitely not the way to get it.
Shut up.
Polanti.
I hear these keep pretty good time.
Yeah.
I wouldn't know.
I got a Swatch.
Hey, look man, if you're with the Company Company? I haven't worked in three years.
I just want what I'm owed.
Nothing more.
I owe you something? I don't know who the hell you are.
What the hell.
It's not gonna matter, anyway.
Yeah, so? So.
You fired me.
I fired you? I just told you I have no idea who the hell you are.
You run the place.
I hold you responsible.
You're a wacko, man.
Shut up.
I just want what I'm owed.
You listen to me, you ugly ass punk.
You make sure you kill me, you hear me? 'Cause if you don't I swear to God on my mother, I'll kill you.
Yes! Unconscious.
Ain't I just? Ask her, Billy.
Ask me what? Abby I mean, we want to get married.
What do you know about that? I just happened to have checked into the Montecito chapel and there's a few ceremonies tomorrow but I think we can fit in Mr.
And Mrs.
Billy.
Well, we want to get married now.
It's 3:00 a.
m.
It is? And when I get back from the ladies room, I expect there to be a car out front.
A lot of moxie in that girl.
Yeah, Abby, she bought these rings.
Irish Claddagh rings.
See the two hands holding the heart? Romantic.
Whatever, they were, like, $30 for the pair.
Jimmy, keep an eye on my chips.
You got it.
But they're lucky as hell.
Now Abby says she's gonna throw hers into the Bellagio fountain if we don't get hitched tonight.
Now, I'm on one hell of a streak.
How bad can marriage be? I can have a limo waiting in the main valet for you in three minutes.
It's $55 for the license.
Now the Marriage License Bureau is open 24 hours on the weekends.
There's always a line but I happen to know the clerk so I can have you back at the tables by sunrise.
Ed.
Yeah.
Listen carefully.
I'm holding Ed Deline.
A series of non-negotiable demands will follow.
Who is this? Is this some kind of joke? Get up and go to your office and wait for me to contact you.
If you fail to follow my instructions, what happens next will be your fault.
I wanna talk to Ed.
Leave a message for Ed Deline.
Okay, here you go.
We're all set.
Oh, cool.
All right.
Where's the judge? It's 4:00 a.
m.
, so there's no judge.
All night priest? I'm afraid not, Billy.
So who's gonna marry us? The only rules are that you've to get married in the State of Nevada within a year of the issuance of the marriage license so anybody who's authorized to perform ceremonies.
Where do we find said person? Would you like to walk the gauntlet? I'll marry you.
Right here.
Free Cabala bracelet of $300 value with every ceremony.
Wise men say only fools don't get married at the Moonlight Fantasy Chapel.
Only $399.
Sunrise special, $279.
This is crazy.
This is hilarious.
It's Vegas.
What do you think, hon, the King? I think the King.
Yeah, all right.
Right this way, folks.
What are you doing, Marty? They're mine.
You heard the lady.
She said she wants the King.
What am I? A fried peanut butter and banana sandwich? Sweetie, take it ease.
I like the lady King.
She's got a better deal.
He likes you.
Let's go.
See? But You've undercut me for the last time, Charlene.
Shut up, Marty.
You shut up! Right this way, please.
So what does this guy want? He didn't say.
Money? You'd think.
You think it's a CIA thing? No.
If the CIA's gonna kidnap somebody they're sure as hell not going to call and say they did.
You don't think he's testing us, do you? No.
Look, the call came from Ed's cellphone, right? So we ought to be able to figure out where the caller was.
I'm already on it.
Cell calls are easy to trace because you can identify the originating cell site.
My buddy at Southern Nevada wireless is sending us the data right now.
Think we should call his house? Maybe Ed lost his phone, or somebody lifted it and they're trying to grift us.
Maybe it's nothing.
Do we want to freak Jillian out? Screw it.
I'm calling his home number.
Hi, you've reached the Delines.
Jillian's in New York until Tuesday and I'm wherever I am, so please leave a message.
I got the data from the cellphone provider.
That pinpoint is where the call from Ed's phone to you originated.
It's the airport parking lot.
Let's go.
Hey, man, where you been? To put things in motion.
Hey, look I gotta piss.
You know, for a guy in your situation you don't seem to be too worried.
You see, you know, if you gotta go, right? Just uncuff one of my hands so I can get myself in the right position.
Thanks, man.
See, I heard about your whole Delta Force, CIA Piss in your pants.
Come on man, you've asked Ed about kidnapping before? It happens a lot in this town, Mikey.
You know that.
Vegas is full of high-profile people with ready access to untraceable cash.
So what are we supposed to do? Ed told me specifically, never pay a ransom, never call the cops.
Why? Because once a kidnapper gets the money, why take the chance you can identify him? It's safer for him to kill you than it is to let you go.
It's Ed's watch.
"Check your email.
Tick tock.
" Damn.
Let's go.
As the sun rises once again over this city of dreams we are gathered together to make one more a reality.
I need that ring back on my finger.
Can she please cut to the chase? Billy.
Sweetie, chop, chop.
Okay, sure.
Okay, sure thing.
Do you William Henry Harrison Murphy Stop.
Marty? What're you doing here? The power vested in me.
Man and wife.
Say that part.
I told you not to mess with me, Charlene.
Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, Marty! Let's shake, rattle and roll, boys.
My wig! Stop! He wants $213,000.
We'll receive the location of the drop later.
$213,000? Who the hell is this guy? Dr.
Evil? "It's what I'm owed.
" You will receive the That's not spelled right.
What? "L" before "E" except after "C.
" So he misspelled "receive," so what? "Make no mistake, if you contact law enforcement of any kind "Ed Deline is a dead man.
" Well, he spelled "dead" right.
Why $213,000? Maybe he's crazy or maybe he lost this exact amount in the casino.
Could be reason enough to grab up the boss.
Let's check that amount.
No one's lost exactly $213,000 here since the Montecito opened.
All right.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you looking at porn? Yeah.
Cool.
Let me see.
No.
It's probably not for you.
All right.
Just FYI that stuff stays on your hard drive even after you erase it.
That's good to know.
Either of you seen my dad? No.
Probably dead.
What? His cellphone.
I've been trying to call him all morning and it keeps going to voicemail.
You guys gotta get him a charger for his office.
That's a good idea.
Will you let him know that Mary's moved the VIP Duran Duran show to Mystique and I'm going to be helping her out? Okay.
Sure.
Okay, you guys are weird.
Hey.
Hit it.
Whatever's happened so far we can work it out.
You have a daughter.
Listen, you worthless sack of crap.
Don't you ever think about Save the macho garbage for the casino, all right? I have a daughter, too.
Her mother took her because she said I couldn't provide for her.
I haven't seen her in three years.
What's her name? Kiss my ass, that's her name.
What happened to you, man? You happened.
You screwed up my life.
You know how bad it hurts, not to see your kid? Yeah, I do.
You said I owe you.
$213,000 even.
And I'm not charging interest.
I'm a fair guy.
Look, I like to think of myself as a standup guy, too.
So if I've hurt you in anyway financially we'll work it out, man.
You mean it? Yeah, I do.
Look, just let me out of here and we call this thing a mulligan.
Spare me the hostage-negotiator psycho garbage.
It ain't working.
Listen, you yellow rat bastard, my people have strict instructions.
They're not going to pay you a dime in ransom 'cause, see, if you pay one douchebag word gets out.
Then all the other douchebags, they get cocky.
You know what? You better pray they pay 'cause I've had three years to think about what I'd do to you if they don't.
Then let's pray together, shall we? This is going to be a great story you can tell your grandchildren.
I'm gonna go upstairs and get some sleep.
I'll be right up, hon.
Good night, Sam.
Good night.
I'm sorry.
Pleasant dreams.
Listen, the police are going to launch a full investigation.
But you have your marriage license.
I can have the Montecito chapel available to you anytime you want.
Not without the rings.
Yeah, I'm gonna replace those rings personally.
I'm going to have two platinum, diamond encrusted three carat D flawless, there you go.
Money plays outside.
Here.
Come on.
Come on.
Two.
28 Black.
Yeah.
It's just one bet, Billy.
Yeah, marriage is a bet, too.
A big one.
My luck is in those rings, Sam.
And now they're gone.
Yes, but, Billy Just give me some time, Billy.
What's this? I traced the kidnapper's email sent to you.
He sent it from an Internet coffee house up in Henderson.
This is the sign-in sheet.
I had them fax it over to us.
Only one person rented computer time at the same time the email was sent to you.
So the guy calls himself Brain? What, does he want us to think he's smarter than we are? I don't know.
So I'm gonna search the database and try to match the handwriting.
It's worth a shot, I guess.
Or we could just call Luis.
Just Luis.
We talked about this, no cops.
Danny, you're not listening to me Look, Mike.
I've never had to pull rank before but I will.
Tell me you don't feel this thing getting away from us! Are you done? Start that database research.
I'll be back.
I hope you like chocolate.
It's not Mystique but for the guy who screwed up my life, I think it's pretty generous.
You've been to Mystique, huh? Bella Sera, Jester's Court.
I know the Montecito from the inside out.
Yeah.
Look what the hell is this thing here? It's a heated bidet toilet seat.
Yeah? It comes from Korea.
I don't know if I'd want to put my naked behind on that.
It's electrical, right? It's low voltage, dummy.
It's perfectly safe.
These things These things are gonna be big over here.
Your boy Danny doesn't screw up you might be out of here in time to give it a try.
Really? Looking at porn, again? Have a seat.
We need to know if anyone's lost $213,000 who's not on the books.
That's easy to check.
The casino computer tracks the wagers of every player on the floor.
Except the ones that you tell it not to.
That would violate company policy, Danny.
Come on, Ness, we know some of your players deal only in cash.
And we also know that you don't always put everyone's info into the system.
$213,000? Yes.
Steven Chae.
He writes the column for the as Vegas Mirror the "Sin City Undercover.
" Right? Yeah.
Chae welshed on a big marker last year.
Ed had him 86'd.
Chae came back with an offer.
He'd keep our high profile clients out of the paper if Ed worked out a payment plan.
You know where this guy lives? Wait.
What's with all the questions? Where's Ed? Where does he live, Nessa? Is this the new Duran Duran? Yeah.
So? You gonna tell me what happened in high school? Nope.
Mike, we're watching the guy's house here.
Come on.
Look, I'm not Joe Stakeout.
I didn't know there were rules about making conversation.
I think you should tell me why you clammed up when Nessa brought up the Duran Duran concert you and Danny went to.
Ancient history.
And I was an archeology major.
You never graduated.
What happened? Come on, we swore we would never discuss it.
Okay.
Senior year.
I get tickets to Duran Duran at the Thomas and Mack and we decide after the concert we're gonna you know, do it for the first time.
As in the big nasty Sex, Delinda.
Yes.
You're gonna play the album from the same band while you're doing it.
Yeah, I had the whole thing planned out.
Juvenile, yet romantic.
Yeah.
No, but Danny, right he's a little nervous beforehand about Performance anxiety? Yes.
So before the concert, we break into my father's liquor cabinet.
So I stop at a liquor store and talk some older guy into buying us a bottle of peppermint schnapps.
How foul.
I know, right? We sneak the bottle into the concert and Danny proceeds to drink the entire thing.
And she drinks the whole thing.
Damn, man.
Yeah.
About 10 minutes into the concert she blows chunks all over my Air Jordans.
And he hurls all over my white cowboy boots.
Your Jordans? Yeah.
That's just wrong.
I know.
Then I finally drag her out to the car, and she's all over me.
And he tells me that he loves me.
Talking all this crazy "I love you forever" nonsense taking her clothes off.
Somehow, I dragged him out of there, I got him home and I put him to bed.
You didn't.
No, trust me, he woke up in the middle of the night and tried.
No.
Come on, man.
She was wasted.
We never spoke of it again.
That was the last we talked about it.
This is just between us? Yeah.
Of course.
And that's just between you and me, brother.
That's him.
Where'd you get these? I'm a Marine, where do you think I got them? Hands in the air! Don't move, I swear This ain't the guy.
I know.
We were never here.
We're running out of options here, partner.
Yeah, I know.
Wait.
Yeah.
The money should come only from the drop boxes on the casino floor not the cashier or the counting room.
Put the money in a black 30-gallon trash bag and wait for further instructions.
Wait.
How do we know you're gonna let him go? Hey.
Son of a Yo, Elvis? Bride's dressing room to the left.
Vending machines to the right and crapper's right behind the altar.
Charming.
I'm not here for a wedding.
Hi.
You were at the melee at Charlene's this morning, right? What's your name? I'm gonna have you subpoenaed.
I need the rings.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Right.
Well, we searched the other chapel so what's it gonna take? No amount of money's gonna work on me.
I will not give Charlene the satisfaction.
I've been married to that water buffalo for 12 long years.
So, you and little girl Elvis are married? Yeah.
But our divorce is final next week.
Okay.
Six months ago she decides to open up a competing chapel just to chap my hide.
I need the rings.
Even if I had them, and I'm not saying that I do there ain't a chance I would give them back.
Screw the happy people.
You're still in love with her.
Marty, you're not fooling anyone.
Just give me the rings.
No.
Listen, jumpsuit Elvis.
I'll be getting those rings.
Trust me.
Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it! Look, I feel really terrible about what happened.
In fact, I'd like to pay for the rings.
Well, it's not about the cost.
The rings had sentimental value.
You go see Marty? Yeah.
Yeah, he wouldn't help you out, would he? No.
He is so damn stubborn when it's got anything to do with me.
Maybe it's because he still in love with you.
You think so? You know, when Elvis and Priscilla were splitsville it never got bitter.
That's nice.
He tell you we're married? Yeah.
He said it ain't over yet.
Really? Anything? Nothing.
The last call came from a payphone on The Strip.
All right.
We pay.
Wait.
I thought Ed said no ransom.
You said it yourself, we're running out of options.
Besides this might give Ed time to do something.
I'm calling Nessa.
Get the money.
Okay.
Security check.
Surprise count.
Yeah.
What's going on in here? You son of a bitch.
What's this, huh? You think you can get away? You think I'm gonna let you go? You're gonna die in this room, like the turd that you are.
$213,000 exactly.
You sure about this? Not at all.
Hey, sweetie.
I need your comp list for the Duran Duran show.
I'm in the middle of something.
I saw your whales checking out.
I thought they were coming to the show? Which whales? The guy from Philly and the cute brunette.
Wait.
Were they going to another hotel? I think I heard them say they were going to the airport.
Hang on.
We gotta go.
Come on.
It's from Ed.
It's from his phone, but how do we know it's him? Push in right there on his hand.
That's Ed's wedding ring.
Come on, Ed, if you can send us a picture, why can't you call us? Thank you.
The cellphone provider says they can narrow the picture mail call down to a four square block area.
I'll meet you downstairs in two minutes.
Wait.
That four square block area has over 14,000 hotel rooms in it.
It's Danny.
Send your four best people up to surveillance right away.
You.
Get your ass in the car.
Hey, jumpsuit.
Grab the rings.
But Now.
Yes, ma'am.
Go to every Strip hotel from Desert Inn Road to Sahara.
Find the head of housekeeping, show them this picture.
We need to know if they can identify anything in this bathroom.
The tile, molding, toilet, anything.
Ask them, "Does this exist in your hotel?" Go.
Go.
Get back to us.
Yeah.
On top of the trash can.
Employee parking lot 8, northeast corner.
Five minutes.
I'll release Deline in one hour.
Yeah.
We're out of time.
Watch it.
Move! Forget it, man.
What do we do now? What can we do? We wait.
One hour.
Billy.
Hey, Sam.
We found your rings.
These are them.
Thanks.
But I think it's a little too late.
Billy, is it ever really too late for true love? Hey, you got a quarter? A quarter.
Yeah.
I got one.
Right here.
There you go.
I won $10.
Look at that! Look at that, you're back.
I think we should go over to the Montecito chapel.
Let's go get married.
What the hell? Let's do it here.
Or, let's do it here.
You guys? You guys ready? Sure.
Dearly beloved Marty? Charlene? You were expecting somebody else? Danny McCoy paid up.
I'm very happy for you.
You got what you were owed.
You know somehow it's not as satisfying as I'd hoped.
I think if you died of hypothermia, then I'd feel like we were really even.
You know, those are backwards.
No, they're not.
But you're a dead man.
You coward.
You mark my words.
You're the dead man, you understand? Dead.
Goodbye, Ed.
Six hours and nothing.
Not a phone call, not an email address.
We blew it, Danny.
We ran this thing ass backwards.
You checked the tile and the moldings? It's all Home Depot stuff, too common to trace.
I've been through it a dozen times.
What about the toilet seat? What about it? It's a toilet seat.
Dude, just push in on it, please.
Fine.
A little more.
Right there.
Stop.
Look.
Right there on the side.
There's something attached to it.
Whatever it is, it's out of frame.
Wait.
There are some numbers.
9-6-0.
Numbers doesn't matter.
I've checked on all the toilet seats I care to think about.
You know my old man's a contractor, right? Of course.
He used to make me help out with the plumbers.
And a couple years ago we were remodeling a bathroom for this old lady neighbor and she had hemorrhoids, something fierce.
The "ring of fire," she called it.
You're losing it, man.
I remember her saying that the only thing that helped sort of put out the ring of fire was the warm water that squirted up from this special seat.
Like a bidet toilet seat? Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty awesome actually.
You gotta pucker up the first couple of times but after a while I liked it.
Got it.
It's the CleanJet 960.
Made in Korea, not sold in stores, special order only.
Who are you calling? It's the middle of the night.
Not in Seoul.
Great.
I'm calling from Las Vegas, USA.
I ordered a CleanJet 960 some time ago and I never received it.
Can you tell me where you shipped it to? Yeah.
That's me.
We got an address.
I'll explain the Korean later.
You the guys with the pizza? Bobby.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Mr.
Be Right Back.
Four different countries, you know what you said to me? Be right back.
Guess what? We got a little back problem here.
Ed, getting to see you is getting tougher than to see the Pope.
Pope? You think there's a Pope alive that would take a look at you? What you got going there? It's like a lovely contusion there, Bruce Lee.
I just been practicing.
Really? What are you doing here? I don't know.
I had a few days to kill so I thought I come over to your joint and hang around.
Eventually, you'll feel sorry for me and come up and say: "How you doing, old friend?" Well, I did.
And I'm feeling sorry for you so what I thought I'd do for you is put you up in the Presidential Suite.
No, you're kidding? I swear to God.
Upstairs? Upstairs.
Running water? TV? Everything? Bathroom.
Pass.
To tell you the truth, this place isn't quite you know, what I like.
Too many high steppers.
Yeah.
But on a serious note, I got a gap in the schedule.
So if you need any repair work, just you know which chain to pull and just ask for, I don't know Mr.
Be Right Back.
Yeah, you are.
Come on, old man.
Old man? I got your old man.
Take it easy.
You want me to send you that raw steak? It's a retainer.
Hey, boys.
How are you? Good.
Mike.
Thanks.
I just want to see if it hurts.
You jerk.
The only real mistake you guys made was to pay that ransom.
You should have known this guy would have never let me go.
Hey, it bought us enough time to figure out that picture you sent us.
The Montecito has fired 3,217 people in the last three years.
That's all? So we're going to split these up and start looking.
Hey, sweetie.
What the hell happened to you? New karate instructor.
Do you know I've been calling you all day long? I know, sweetheart.
I'm sorry.
Daddy, you got to remember to charge your cellphone.
I will, sweetie.
In fact, I'm gonna get a new one.
I have to.
All right.
Duran Duran is about to come on.
You guys ready? No, why don't you guys go without me? We'll take care of that thing in the morning, okay? You sure? Oh yeah, sure.
All right.
Bobby, give me another one, will you? You got it.
Hey.
Long day? Good luck.
Let me ask you.
The hot and cold, they're reversed, right? Yeah.
It's been like that since they built this bar three years ago.
Whoever installed the thing must have put them in backwards.
Yeah, right.
Okay, Mystique, let's show a little love and give it up for Duran Duran! From the lady.
From the gentleman.
Peppermint schnapps.
Here, beat me.