Last Man Standing s07e02 Episode Script

Man vs. Myth

Was that box here yesterday? I think these things are multiplying.
Yeah, well, your dad did have a lot of stuff.
I think the Egyptians had it right; when they died, they were buried with all their crap.
You know, it's been four months and you haven't even gone through this stuff.
How do you know it's crap? Because it's my dad's.
My garage is where I work on my truck to de-stress.
Now I can't do that.
It's like he did this on purpose.
Oh, honey.
I really don't think your father died to prank you.
I wouldn't put it past him.
But joke's on him.
Goodwill's coming this Saturday to take all this stuff away.
- Don't you want to keep anything? - No.
Now, w-what about this? What about his favorite chair, huh? I mean, every time I see it, I imagine Bud sitting here, holding a glass of whiskey.
That's why it's going.
I really think you should keep something, just here.
I don't think whoa, wait a minute.
(Grunts): How about this? His bowling shoes.
Wasn't he wearing those the night he had his heart attack? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, obviously, they're lucky.
- Hey.
What's cooking? - Hi.
And I mean that in both ways, as in, "What's new?" and also the literal question, "What food are you preparing?" My God, you're exhausting.
Shrimp scampi.
Do you want to stay? Farm-raised shrimp or wild-caught? Trapped at the border.
What's up? You know, when I agreed to look after your dad's pot dispensary, didn't think there'd be quite this much business stuff.
So, that is the new lease, the insurance premium schedule.
Oh, and we had a building inspection and we have some structural issues, so when can you meet with the city engineer? Look at all this stuff.
This is insane.
You're preaching to the choir, man.
All that paper is a leading cause of deforestation.
I hate this shop.
Really? Wow, you never mentioned it.
All it attracts is potheads, just like the Democratic party.
You know what? That's it.
He's gone.
That's it.
Let's just get rid of all of it.
Including Bud's Buds? You're damn right, Bud's Buds.
I'll sell Bud's Buds.
And if you act now, I'll toss in a lumpy chair and 20 boxes of mystery crap.
Wait, you want to sell the shop? I work there.
Act now, you get a slightly used, irritating son-in-law.
Pardon me, I'm new in town.
Is there where a poor gal might find work? Yes, ma'am.
And you're in luck, because I do the hiring.
And you're married to me.
Let's start your interview.
(Chuckles) Kyle, you're so funny.
I've never had to interview for a job.
Oh, yeah.
I always forget you're hot.
So, how was your first day in the personnel department? Great.
I think I'm getting the hang of it.
Sorry, Brenda.
It's just me.
You seem nervous.
I feel a little out of place.
I mean, look at these people.
Everybody's dressed like a lawyer.
Especially the lawyers.
Ooh, we could upgrade your look.
The rule of thumb is that you should always dress for the job you want.
Oh, no.
I can't come to work dressed like an astronaut.
You are married to an up-and-coming fashion designer, Kyle.
And I'm gonna give you a look that will fill you with confidence.
I like the sound of that.
Sorry, Brenda.
- Hey, Dad.
You busy? - MIKE: Hey.
Can I talk to you anyway? Always.
So, uh, Ryan told me that you're thinking of selling the pot shop.
I'm not thinking about it.
I'm selling the pot shop.
Well, uh, I know that you're too busy to deal with it, so Ryan and I decided that we could take over all the responsibilities.
That way you don't have to sell.
Do you or Ryan know how complicated the drug business is? I know business, okay? I run the Grill.
With your help.
How about this? You're looking at a financial statement.
Do you know the difference between accrual basis and cash basis? Well, they're both basis es.
Only you know, different.
Look, I appreciate your help, but you guys can't run it alone, and I'm not gonna do it.
Dad, it's Grandpa's.
Well, Grandpa's not here.
He's at that big hookah bar in the sky.
But it meant the world to him.
H-He told me it was his legacy.
You know what? I want the Baxter legacy to be the love of the great outdoors, not a strain of weed named after Miley Cyrus.
So you're just gonna throw it all away? After all of his hard work? I don't know what to tell you, kiddo.
We have to get rid of it.
No, we don't have to.
You want to.
Can't believe I care more about your father than you do.
(Door closes) I've been thinking.
Now that Tom Petty's gone, that makes Bob Dylan the only surviving Traveling Wilbury.
You know, it's amazing the conversations I'm willing to have in this office for free scotch.
- ED: Hi, Mikey.
- Hey.
Mike, I saw Kristin come out of your office looking a little agitated.
Is everything okay? I tell you, it was weird.
She just marched in my office and told me she cared more about my dead dad than I did.
So, were you angry with her or impressed at how well she knows you? To be honest with you, it bugs me.
You know, I'm glad she loves my dad, but it was easy for her.
She didn't have to do her homework locked in his car outside of Jolly Jack's.
Sad day when that gin mill closed down.
Jack, by the way, was not jolly.
It was just one of those ironic nicknames.
My dad was good to her.
He came to a lot of her games, her recitals.
(Chuckles softly): You know where he was on my graduation? Oh.
Jolly Jack's.
It was Balloon Night.
It's time my daughter found out the type of guy her grandpa really was.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- No, no, no.
That's a bad idea, buddy.
- That's a bad idea.
- Do not go there, Baxter.
Do not speak ill of the dead.
Really? Coming from you? Didn't you tell me you saw your dad at the funeral parlor, lying there with a smile on his face, and you actually said, "Who's this guy?" (Chuckles): Yeah, but I didn't say it to my son.
I let him believe his grandpa was a great guy who knew Muhammad Ali and may have dated Obama's mother.
I'd smile and say, "Well, she did like black guys.
" Look, Kristin only knows the myth.
Think it's about time she got to know the man.
You just don't understand your father's generation, my generation.
We didn't set out to make you kids miserable.
Hell, we hardly thought about you at all.
Got that.
To my dad, I was just a pain in the ass.
Not just to your dad.
You modern fathers changed the game.
Now dads feel things, you know? You know, a-and they cry and But don't-don't hold us to the same standard.
We were men.
I just want her to know the whole truth, you know? And it's not all bad.
It's (Chuckles) It's fifty-fifty.
Eh, sixty-forty.
If we're gonna be talking about our dead dads in here, you are gonna have to start buying better scotch.
I think it says, "I'm in charge.
I'll decide who works here.
" Do you love it? (Sighs) Um I don't love it.
But that might be because I don't like it.
Okay, let's see.
Uh, you didn't like the one-piece.
You didn't like the Nehru jacket.
- Mm.
- Still may fight you on that.
Uh, oh, and-and what did we decide on the drop crotch pants? Well, the length of that zipper is a little intimidating.
H-Hey, what if I just wear my regular shirt with this tie I have? It's shaped like a fish.
No, I-I thought you wanted me to help you feel more comfortable around those people at work.
I do, but You know, I-I need to feel more than just comfortable.
I need to feel confident.
No matter what I do, I just feel like Kyle.
Oh, honey.
This is a process.
We'll find something.
Now, just to be clear, it's a tie, but it looks like a fish.
Oh, wait.
Did you say a fish? - Yes! - No.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You're home early.
- Yeah.
Hope I didn't make your boyfriend jump in the bushes.
(Chuckles): No, he's gone.
Took my heart with him.
Oh, Goodwill's coming tomorrow.
I'm gonna go inventory - those boxes.
- Oh, great.
Um, Kristin's coming to dinner.
Said she needs to talk to you.
Well, great, 'cause I need to talk to her, too.
That's sweet, you both need to talk.
What's wrong? She gave me all this stuff yesterday about her caring more about my dad than me.
I thought I raised my daughters to be annoyed by the same people that I was annoyed by.
Well, they all agree on Geraldo.
So, what are you going to say to her? I'm gonna tell her the truth about Bud.
He wasn't just this fuzzy grandpa that gave her five bucks on her birthday.
Hmm, hmm.
Actually, it was 20 bucks.
- What? - Honey - Okay, so he bought her love.
- Okay.
Y-You know, maybe this isn't the best time to talk to her about it, because you-you seem pretty worked up.
Okay, I-I'm at my best when I'm pretty worked up.
Look, you have barely spoken - about Bud in four months.
- Oh, come on, come on, come on.
This could be the longest conversation we've had about him since the night he died.
Well, what's to say about him, you know? He was a lousy father.
He dropped dead at a bowling alley.
And? - And it was a tragedy.
- Yeah.
'Cause he was on his way to bowling 220.
All right, look.
You know, I-I'm just worried because you haven't grieved.
- I don't Honey.
- And But it's fine.
It's fine.
- I'm-I'm good with - Everybody grieves in their own time, but maybe you should put off any dramatic revelations until you have.
Here's a dramatic revelation: I'm good.
I'm good.
It's Kris that needs to know the truth about my dad.
This ought to be good.
I can't wait to hear the truth about me.
I forgot how comfortable this chair was.
All right, Michael, let's hear all the awful things you have to say about your dear, departed dad.
I don't think we should get into this, it's kind of a long list.
Well, it's not like I have any place to be.
Come on, hotshot.
Spill it.
Dead and still cranky.
Okay, you know, as a boy, I don't remember a lot of pats on the back.
It was, more literally, kicks in the ass.
That's because you were kind of a knucklehead.
But you became a big success.
You're welcome.
Whoa, nice try, Dad, but I am who I am despite how you raised me, not because of it.
You said it was a long list.
You were distant.
Holy crap, I sound horrible.
Did I wear black socks with shorts, too? At my wedding.
You just weren't that involved in my life, Dad.
Well, I was kind of busy living mine.
I worked, came home tired and went to bed.
Repeat, repeat, repeat, drop dead in a bowling alley.
I work, too; I get tired, too; I like to bowl, too.
At least I used to, now it's just a bit too creepy.
But I made time for my kids.
I am getting the distinct feeling that you are trying to say you're a better dad than me.
That's because I'm saying it.
Well, guess what? I said I was a better dad than mine, too.
I thought he was a miserable bastard.
You think I'm a miserable bastard.
Now Kristin thinks you're a miserable bastard.
That's being a dad.
Maybe on a pirate ship.
Kris is upset with me, but she loves me and she knows I love her.
That's being a dad.
I think we're getting to the real issue, kid.
I tell my kids I love them all the time.
I don't think I ever remember you saying that.
(Exhales) I feel the need to say something to you right now.
Really? Go ahead, say it.
(Sharp inhale) Boo-hoo! I didn't know that was part of the job.
I did the best I could.
What a waste of time.
Isn't there a bowling alley you should be haunting right about now? Hey, wise guy.
Did you ever think about this? I also don't remember you ever saying you loved me.
I was going to.
Yeah, me, too.
Funny how life doesn't wait for us sometimes, huh? Yeah.
Kyle, I've ju Kyle, my boy, look at you, sitting there with your suit and tie.
You look like one of those Mad Men.
Well, thank you, sir.
Mandy and I worked on this together.
Well, this is, this is a cause for celebration.
Come up to my office for a drink.
You're earned it.
Come on, son.
Uh, you know what? I still have some work to do.
Kyle, it's the end of the day, son.
It's all right, come on.
Come on.
(Chuckles) Come on, come on, son.
Blistering barnacles in a hot pot of coffee.
- Chuck, come in here, quick.
- What? Oh, hell no.
(Laughing) It's what they're wearing in London right now.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Just admiring Kyle's new ensemble.
- Yeah, isn't it fun? - Mm-hmm.
(Laughing): It's the most fun I've had all day.
Excuse us.
Hey, just ignore them.
This is an outfit that really says something.
It says, "This guy forgot his pants.
" Well, you know, in sort of a clever twist, tomorrow you'll be in long pants with a sleeveless jacket.
No, Mandy.
I've made up my mind.
I want to wear what I want to wear.
Where did that come from? I don't know.
I-I'm sorry.
No, it was great.
You were all bossy and sure of yourself.
Yeah, wow.
I guess I really was.
That's confidence.
And it looks great on you.
Not as great as the Nehru jacket, but that ship has sailed.
Thank you, Mandy.
This is what I've been missing.
Wouldn't feel this way unless you made me dress like a dork.
Yeah, do me a favor and don't say that in my Yelp review.
You know, the new confident Kyle - is taking you out to dinner.
- (Gasps) And if they try to leave onions on my burger, oh, they're getting a piece of my mind.
Oh, babe, I just had a great idea for what you can wear tomorrow.
It's a tie, but it looks like a fish.
I think you have one of those.
One? I have a whole school of fish ties.
- Dad? - (Screams) (Yells indistinctly) - I'm sorry.
- Holy - I didn't mean to scare you.
- You didn't scare me.
I was working on this and so it Whoa.
Uh, but I'm glad you're here 'cause I think we need to talk.
Oh, okay.
Uh, me first.
Please? Okay.
I had no right to say what I said to you yesterday in your office.
It was really thoughtless, Dad, and I'm so sorry.
Kristin, I appreciate that.
What did you want to tell me? Okay.
You had no right to say what you said to me in the office the other day.
It was wrong and you should be so, so sorry.
(Laughs) Well, I'm glad we took care of that.
Actually, what I want to say is, if you and Ryan think you can run Bud's Buds Oh, my gosh, yes.
It's going to be a lot of work and a real pain in the ass, honey.
I know, I don't care.
Oh, thank you.
I'm a I'm available for consultation.
I'm not going to run this place.
- Yes, this is so cool.
- Okay.
It's like, it's like Grandpa's still with us.
Yeah, I know just what you mean.
He was, uh He was kind of special to you, wasn't he? He was my hero.
And yet, I remember pulling you out of the river when you fell out of the canoe, but he's your hero.
So, huh.
You're my all-time hero, Dad.
Grandpa was my Your what? (Chuckles) I'm 17.
In my backpack, I've got a pregnancy test with a neon, blinking plus sign on it the size of a manhole cover.
(Laughs) I'm thinking, "I'm dead.
My life is over.
" And I'm driving to get pizza with Grandpa, and he pulls over and he looks at me and says, "What the hell's with you today?" All the tact of a construction boot.
And so I look at him and I tell him.
I tell him everything.
My dad was the first person you told? Yep.
- And he didn't kill Ryan? - (Chuckles) He offered.
Mostly we-we talked about how scared I was to tell you.
How I was afraid you'd be ashamed of me.
But he said, "Kristin, I know your father, "and he will love you even more than he loves you now.
'Cause that's the kind of dad he is.
" H-Huh.
- And he was right.
- Yeah.
You know what? - I'm gonna fix this.
- Okay.
I hate Don't want anybody hurt in here.
I'll-I'll see you at dinner, okay? Okay.
Oof Uh, Kris? Yeah.
I love you.
You know that.
Look at that.
Finally getting my garage back, and baby, you look great.
(Chuckles) I'd say get a room, but your girlfriend is a room.
Mmm, mmm, mmm Oh, no.
The bust of Ronald Reagan, that stays.
In the garage.
It stays in the garage.
- The chair going? - No.
It stays.
In the living room.
In the living room.
I'm glad, honey.
I'm really glad.
This is the most uncomfortable chair I've ever sat on.
Now I know why my dad was so grumpy all the time.
You guys need any hel Oh, my God.
(Chuckles) You look just like Grandpa.
Oh, boy! Take the chair! Hey! Take the chair!
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