Lexx s04e08 Episode Script

Vlad

Out of my way! Out of my way! My circuits are shorting - Kai, let me circuit your shorts.
Seven-Ninety boy, I didn't miss you.
It's touching me with its lips! Guess who got lucky when we went down to the little blue planet? If you didn't fall off a cliff and break every bone in your body, it wasn't me, so I don't care! Stan met some nice Earth girls.
They seemed to like him quite a bit.
Jealous, little robo-buddy, hmm? Tweedle, as soon as I get teeth I will bite you - and I know some dead flesh I will nibble on as well.
We've just come from a place called Transylvania, where people bite each other - a lot.
Did anyone bite my sweet sweet stud of necromance? No.
My protoblood is running down.
I must refresh it now, or return to my cryopod.
I love it when he plays hard to get.
You know, 790 - Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley Tweedle, feel the urge! Feel the urge with us - be with us - join with us - you are our slave! Feel the urge with us.
I'm - I'm feeling - an urge.
LEXX 4.
08 "VLAD" Kai, I want to freeze you.
LEXX 4.
08 "VLAD" Why? You should be in cryostasis for a while, to save your protoblood.
For what? For when we really need you.
I mean, we always need you, you know we like to have you around, but someday we could need you even more, and then you might have used up all your protoblood.
Do you think Stan is all right? No.
He's been acting different ever since we left Transylvania.
Did you find what you were looking for there? No - but what I was trying to find there, may now be looking for me.
If it was another Divine Assassin from the Cluster, - could it - hurt you? - It could hurt us all.
You are safe here on the Lexx, but I recommend that you awaken me before returning to the planet.
Sweet dreams, Kai.
You know the dead do not dream.
Maybe this time you will.
- It's not working.
- Yes it is.
- No it isn't! - I think it is.
- But you're not sure? - Maybe - he's too far away.
Maybe he's pure of heart.
No.
He needs to be closer to us - a lot closer.
In thunder, lightning and in rain! In mountain valleys and on the plains! In snow and fog, and on the train! The train?! Well - you said plane -.
Not that kind of plane - idiot! Start again.
Stanley! Stanley! Stanley Tweedle, feel the urge! Feel the urge with us - be with us - join with us - you are our slave! Feel the urge with us.
Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley Tweedle, feel the urge! Feel the urge with us - be with us - join with us - you are our slave! Hello? Hello? Anybody there? No! Nobody there.
Go back to bed.
How'd you get there? What's going on? In lightning, thunder, on the train.
We've already done that bit, and there's no flippin' train, is there?! It's all I could think of.
My turn.
Come on, quit fooling around.
Follow the urge, Stanley Tweedle.
What's the matter? Don't you remember us? Feel me inside you, Stanley.
Mandragora? You can't forget us, Stanley.
Your ours - forever.
Muffy? Kai? We are reaching out to you.
You are our - love slave.
You're so far away from us now.
We have to rebuild the relationship.
What are you talking about, how do you do that? Like this.
This is definitely too weird.
- Where are you going Stan? - We need you, Stanley.
- I feel an urge! - To what? To take a ride in this moth, to er, to clear my head.
And when I come back I want to see you all acting the way you normally do, starting now! That's good, Stanley.
We'll be waiting for you.
You are definitely mixed up people.
Yeah, that's it, that's it, just fly around for a while.
This way, that way, yeah.
Then everything will be nice and normal, Xev and Kai, they'll be nice and normal when I get back, yeah.
No no no! I definitely don't wanna go down there! Come on Tweedle, get a grip on yourself! Oh no - not down there! Not down there! No, no, not there, not there no, no You will help us revive our lady.
I'm not your slave, you know.
- Yes you are.
- No I'm not.
Stanley - bark like a dog.
Woof.
Good boy.
This is so cool, you could just film like the skankiest video.
Uh huh - well, this is where we eat.
Stan, we're not here to eat.
Yeah yeah yeah, of course.
We're not hungry in that way.
Yeah, well Big Stan knows that -.
- Big Stan? - Yeah, yeah, but Little Stan - - has another idea.
- What's that? Well, Little Stan would like to end the tour of this great big ship, and start taking a tour of your lovely white bodies.
- Is this Little Stan? - Yes! The protoblood, Stanley - now! Put your tongues back in, girls.
Is this the protoblood, Stanley? Yes - I mean, no! Yes - no - yes - - Who do you serve? - You! - Stanley Tweedle's been a naughty boy.
- Ah? Say "Stanley Tweedle's been a naughty boy".
Stanley Tweedle's been a naughty boy.
Stanley Tweedle's hankering for a spankering.
Oh, Stanley Tweedle's hankering for a spankering.
A hard one.
Oh yeah, a hard one! - Here it comes.
- Oh yeah! Somebody's messing with my man Kai! Time to fly, ladies.
I can't move! Now you can.
Xev, Xev! Stan? My protoblood has been taken.
My darling Kai's love juice! That man rat Tweedle is at the bottom of this, I know it! It was the three girls we met from Dracul's castle.
They are the servants of my hunter.
They will give my hunter life.
OK, OK, I'm awake, I'm awake! - Sorry.
- I was having the weirdest dreams.
You're not gonna try to kiss me again, are ya? - Oh, is that really necessary? - Yes.
configure the protein regenerator to determine how the girls are controlling Stanley.
- You find anything unusual? - Yes.
Yes.
So far I've discovered and viral infection - no wonder he smells! I am looking for something more specific - a neuro-chemical messenger that would open Stanley to suggestion and control by others.
You mean something like this, my love? Yes.
That is it.
Parablood.
A small quantity of it is - ugh! Dissolved in a female human's saliva.
They give their master's gift, with a kiss.
Well, they were cute girls, how was I supposed to resist? I was not feeling sorry for you, Tweedle, I was feeling sorry for them.
Kai, what is parablood? I must go.
He's so magnificent when he's moody, don't you think? Hey - what - ? Stay here Xev.
It is not safe to come with me.
Don't argue.
I'm coming with you and that's it.
You think that because Stan and I are just ordinary human beings that we can never help you, right? But you're wrong.
I'm half Cluster lizard, remember? And there's no way I'm gonna stay up here in space knowing that you are in trouble on that planet, OK? I thought I recognised a figure from the images that Dr Longbore showed me.
The presence of parablood in Stanley confirms what I had suspected.
You must keep as far away as you can from Vlad.
- Who is Vlad? - I cannot feel fear, but when my memories tell me why that hunter was blooded, I know what fear is.
Vlad is a Divine Assassin like you, right? His Shadow developed a special breed of killer designed to hunt down and destroy those assassins who failed to serve his purposes.
They were called Divine Executioners.
Like me, Divine Executioners need protoblood to function, but their bodies are also imbued with a special bio-venom called parablood.
When injected into its human victim, it turns them into the Executioner's slaves, and like a virus it replicates itself in the host's body, to perpetuate its evil.
You are strong in many ways, Xev, but you are not strong enough to fight a Divine Executioner.
The Earth is likely doomed.
You must never go back there.
But I don't understand, why do you have to fight Vlad at all? Leave here with us.
Given the chance, she will quickly set fire to the house of man.
If a Divine Assassin is death incarnate, then a Divine Executioner is the apocalypse made flesh.
The blood is the life.
We have all the blood you need, our lady.
Bring it here, child.
Good! Good! Is this all of his protoblood? - Yes.
- Where is he? We left him on the Lexx.
He will come for me.
Our lady, we have served you well.
Your gift runs weak in our veins.
You promised that when you had risen you would bite us again.
Yes.
You have served me well - but no.
I will not keep that promise.
However - I have a new gift for you.
- Me first.
- No, me first! - Me first.
How about all of you - together? Cool! Cool.
I worship His Divine Shadow.
This is exactly where we were before, and there was no Vlad.
We saw no Vlad.
There - the moth.
And the Cluster symbol.
The old priest I met in the village, Father Borscht, claimed to have found Vlad's tomb when he was a young man.
I suggest you search his things for any information that could be useful in the fight against her.
Farewell, Xev.
Kai, stop - I must enter the fight.
Vlad? I knew you would come to me.
I could taste it.
Show yourself.
Soon.
Let us play, before we dine - before I dine.
You think you can destroy me? You think you can hunt the hunter? I know what you will do to every soul on this planet, once you have new protoblood.
I have new protoblood - and you only suspect what I will do to the people of this planet? What I will, in fact, do, is merrily infect the local villagers with parablood, and then I will instruct them to scatter - throughout this world and each infect a hundred others, who will in turn infect a hundred more.
And once every mother, father, son and daughter is my slave, I will order the human race that pollutes this sphere to visit upon themselves a suicidal horror beyond their darkest dreams.
And destroying the last of the Brunnen G will be the glorious headstone to the tomb of my satisfaction.
You can never be satisfied.
- True.
- How did you know to find me here? The Time Prophet told me you would come to this planet - before I killed her.
How did you cross over from the Light Universe to this one? I located a bruise in the time space fabric that separates the Light Universe form this dark one.
My killing you will not just be an act of vengeance - it will be an act of necessity.
You're sounding very motivated for a Divine Assassin.
As I am dead I do not feel emotions, but having recovered my memories, I understand the difference between good and evil, and I know that I must destroy you.
Call that motivation, if you will.
But you cannot destroy me.
I was built to destroy you, and you were built to be destroyed by me.
That is, what is - said the cat, to the mouse.
Vlad has risen.
You must all get away from here, as fast as you can and as far as you can.
Right now - tonight! Listen, those three girls bit Stanley Tweedle on the neck, and they got control of him by injecting parablood into his system.
And they took Kai's protoblood and brought it down to Vlad, who wants to kill him and everyone else on this planet - and she now can do it.
That's, um, really - really interesting - in a mentally deranged sort of way.
No no no, it's really happening.
No no - the only thing that's really happening is your complete disconnection from reality, to a degree which exceeds even what I'm used to - and I'm used to a lot.
See, if you stay here, she'll destroy you, all of you! She? So the big evil is a she this time - that's unusual.
I need your help.
I am Joseph Van Helsing, last of the Van Helsing line.
My family - who were almost as nutty as you - fought vampires and the like their whole lives.
I do not - I'm a bar tender, I serve drinks.
I think you need one - a stiff one.
Kai told me to see if - to see if Father Borscht left anything behind that might help us.
No-one's touched his room since he - disappeared.
Since he was killed.
I've written Father Borscht off as good as dead, after many a late night myself, but so far he's always managed to surprise us and rise from the dead in the morning - a little the worse for wear, mind you.
I'm serious, I need to see his things.
- Lexx? - Yes, Stan? Lexx, er, Xev and Kai have gone down to that planet, Earth, and I am very worried that there is something very evil on that planet, and it may get loose, and it may head up this way - now, you don't want that to happen, do you? I do not want anything to happen, that you do not want to happen.
You are my captain, Stan.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So Lexx, I am commanding you, to keep a very careful eye on that planet, well, all of your eyes on that planet, and I am ordering you to blow that planet up without hesitation if you see anything evil heading this way, do you understand? I will do as you command, Stanley.
You are my special, one and only captain.
Good.
- Stanley? - What? I just want to point out to you that since the time you were the arch traitor Stanley Tweedle, the most reviled man in the whole Light Universe, that you've really gone downhill - way downhill! This room contains the full accessory kit of a very - paranoid and deranged mind.
You should feel at home here.
I'm assuming that the particular sort of madness that both Father Borscht and many members of my family suffered from skips the odd generation.
That's why I don't have any children - but that doesn't mean I'm above a little - play in the hay.
Even if you do have a few alien bats in your belfry.
What does that say? You can't read? No.
You know, in the wife bank on B3K, we were only taught what was necessary to perform our wifely duties.
I can see it in your eyes, Brunnen G.
- See what? - Defeat.
Look at this.
I thought you said they didn't teach you to read in the - wife bank.
Yeah, but - I recognise this picture.
It's the symbol of the Divine Order.
It ruled the Cluster and the 20, 000 Planets.
OK.
"It's Borscht's diary.
Here - it says here "Before he died, he grabbed me by the collar and whispered into my ear - 'The beast cannot dim the light of a pure heart' So, there you go - nothing to worry about.
As long as you have a pure heart, which I'm sure you all do.
Kai doesn't have a heart at all - just a pump for his protoblood.
I don't know if I can go through with this.
I hunger for your blood.
The moment I first felt protoblood churning through my body, I knew it was all I desired.
The way it spills, and pools, and tastes - ! You are a hunter of assassins.
You will always seek protoblood, and you can never be - sated.
Can you imagine the pain? Of a thirst unquenched for thousands of years? It is a pain, you deserve.
I will swallow every drop of your juice.
That's it, little mouse - play the game a little harder.
Shocked again.
The blood is the life - and yours, is over.
Xev! Xev - maybe on the other hand, a good shag might help sort out some of the mixed up files in your cabinet.
- What's a shag? - A shag - sex.
I like sex - a lot! - But we have to help Kai.
- Do what? Destroy Vlad.
Xev, there is no Vlad.
Yes there is.
Xev - you must forgive me.
I know I may be a bit direct in my approach, but it's not every day that a woman like you - Goodness, what's that? - A moth.
- It's rather large for a moth.
Coming? Where? To get the other moth, the one the three girls took, to make sure that Vlad doesn't get it.
Calm, now.
Soon you will be empty, just as the dead should be.
Free of thoughts, and names.
My name - My name is Kai, last of the Brunnen G.
I killed His Divine Shadow and destroyed the insect enemy of mankind.
His Divine Shadow is dead? Yes.
Your master is gone.
There is no longer any purpose in your plan to destroy the human race.
Yes.
There is no longer any purpose to it.
But there is still pleasure in it.
- There.
- Huh? Take that moth while I look for Kai.
I've nev I've never flown anything in my life.
Oh, it's easy.
The moth is alive and will fly itself.
All you gotta do is use this thingy to make it go where you want.
Shouldn't I just wait here for you? You can wait for me, or you can fly away wherever you'd like to go.
The moth is yours to keep, as long as you take it away from here - now.
- Kai.
- I am very weak.
She almost drained me of my protoblood.
- I'll take you back to the Lexx.
- She is likely near.
Go, Xev.
Kai.
Kai! How did you get here? I have wings.
I can fly.
You wouldn't happen to be - Vlad? I am Vlad.
Where is the other moth? I gave it to Van Helsing so that Vlad couldn't get it.
Stan, talk to me Stan.
Are you yourself, Stan? Yeah yeah yeah, I'm myself.
I'm fine, how are you? I'm fine, but Kai is in trouble.
I'm bringing him back to the Lexx now.
As soon as we get back to the Lexx we have to destroy the planet, because that's the only way to destroy Vlad.
OK, good.
Now I'm glad you called, because I told the Lexx to destroy anything that approached - you know, in case it wasn't you, so er - I'll tell the Lexx not to do that now.
We'll be there soon, Stan.
Lexx, whatever you do, don't destroy any approaching moths, OK? OK, Stan.
Should I blow the planet up now, captain Stanley? No Lexx, no no no - not yet.
But soon, soon - very very soon.
Is that you Xev? - No.
- Who is it then? Vlad.
You look evil.
Are you any threat to my beloved dead man in black? Yes.
I have come here to destroy him.
You will not tire for me.
Could you bite me again, please? No.
Hang on, Kai.
We almost home.
Stan quick, we have to freeze Kai right away.
Help me get him to the cryochamber.
You didn't see anyone else coming up from the planet, did you? Stan? Stan? Your time is up, last of the Brunnen G.
You are a strong one.
You will make a most excellent slave.
Run.
I live for the hunt.
Stan, listen to me.
Vlad will have my protoblood.
Find it, and bring it to me.
Bring me to the cryochamber.
Vlad wants you to bring me - to the cryochamber.
No, she does not.
I give myself to her.
I can do nothing if I am frozen.
You are mine - forever.
I am yours - forever.
Your time is almost up, Kai.
Our lady is coming for you.
Fight it, Stan.
You have a will of your own.
No, I do not.
Yes you do.
Try to resist.
Yes.
I do have a will of my own.
My will is to serve my master.
There is no light in this dark universe, Kai.
Only - me.
I find this moment extremely satisfying.
You will not have me Vlad.
I will have you - now.
Tell me you love me.
I love you.
Tell me, you love me.
Mine, mine, mine! I'm not your slave, I don't have the same type of blood as a human being, and you cannot control me! Father Borscht said the beast cannot dim the light of a pure heart.
You have a pure heart, Stan.
No, I don't.
Yes you do! Sorry! We must cleanse Stanley of Vlad's parablood.
You could at least say thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right Stan - now we're going to clean your blood.
I say we kill the security guard.
It's the only way to be one hundred percent certain he'll never double cross us again.
Forget it.
We're not going to kill Stan, he's pure of heart, aren't you Stan? Vlad is my master! Vlad is my master.
Vlad is my master.
Vlad, Vlad, Vl -.
Whoa, that's a scary thought! Oh hey, I feel better.
I feel, I feel much much better.
Is his blood clean now? No, it's a foul effluent - but it's free of the parablood.
Well - you're not perfect Stanley H Tweedle, but I always knew you had a good heart.
He's definitely not good - far, far from it.
Ñóáòèòðû: bankolya Mikl, Bars (ñèíõðîíèçàöèÿ è êîððåêòèðîâêà)