Life & Beth (2022) s01e04 Episode Script


NADINE: Yeah, yeah - Oh, yeah - [SIGHS.]
NADINE: Action - TERROR: Not a bag a mouth - NADINE: Sweet TERROR: Loving make de gal dem bruk out NADINE: Action - Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- [GASPS.]
Fuck you! - [LAUGHS.]
Uh, can I interest you guys in a beverage? There's a way you can get 'em real easy.
- What does that mean? - Hey, Jackson? - Why is Amanda even here? - [KIDS CHATTERING.]
She follows the boys wherever they go.
Um, I'm gonna go home.
No, Liz! Stay out.
I'm scared of my mom.
I'm sorry.
Okay, well, I'm scared of your mom too.
I wish she was like your mom.
She lets you do whatever.
- Okay, well - All right.
I'll see you.
Get out of here.
Okay, I'll give you the rest of the beers if you do it for, like, one minute.
We'll do it, but for 5 seconds.
No, ten.
This is so dumb.
Why are we doing it? I mean, we don't like beer.
You'll learn to like it.
I mean, that's what my brother said.
We're gonna do it, but first we want the beers.
Okay, we've held up our end of the bargain.
Ready to flash the boys on three? - No.
- AMANDA: Ready, girls? One, two, three.
- Your nipples - So big.
Like, that big.
Oh, my God.
They look like pancakes.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
I I just thought I thought we were lifting - Just lifting our shirts.
- Not our bras, Beth.
How desperate are you? Oh, my God.
Um Sorry.
FRIEND: How embarrassing.
Oh, my God.
SINGER: No water in the water fountain No side on the side walk If you say, "Old Molly Hare, whatcha doin' there?" Nothin' much to do when you're going nowhere Woohaw! Woohaw! Napa is like Disneyland, okay? You can't even sniff a glass of Merlot without having spent, like, $70.
This place, I'm telling you, you will feel like you're at your your sister's.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, it's also a fully-certified organic farm and just the most darling vineyard you've ever seen in your life.
Oh, well, the Moscato caught me completely by surprise.
Okay, that's actually the perfect amount for you to order.
So you already ordered.
Okay, well, you're my best friend.
Are you kidding me? I love a bold Riesling order.
You're adventurous.
All right.
- Bye, bitch.
SINGER: Gonna get the water from your house, your house We're gonna get the water from your house, your house [DISTANT BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Is life worthless? [SOFTLY.]
Girl, life is trash.
Yeah, I had a feeling.
Why are you whispering? - [TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- I'm at the spa today.
BETH: Oh, cool.
I didn't know they were giving you regular shifts there.
Wanna get a drink tonight? Oh, my God, yes.
Jess and Jen have been dying to go out.
And I can get my grandpa to babysit because he owes me with his dumb mouth.
What did he say? Girl, some shit about my ankles I don't care to repeat.
- Classic Don.
- MAYA: Ugh.
He's literally the worst roommate I've ever had in my life.
But since he's about to take Charles to a pitch and putt, I'm gonna forgive his ass.
So are we celebrating? - What, promotion? - BETH: [CHUCKLES.]
I haven't heard yet.
- I just wanna get out.
- MAYA: All right.
Big night out with New York's flyest honeys.
Whoo-oo! Just some seaweed snacks.
SINGER: You think she's pretty nasty Tasty, touchy Sleazy, funny, see her tummy - Oh, girl, my feet hurt.
- I'm tired.
- Can we sit? - ALL: Yeah.
- BETH: Thank God.
- Mm.
There are so many hot guys.
BETH: Yeah.
Oh, you gotta meet Bryan's half-cousin.
He's getting divorced, like, any minute.
His second wife is fucking nuts.
You think I should have an affair, is your advice for me? Just to hook up.
He's barely married.
Oh, God, I miss hooking up.
Just a near-stranger, so excited to put his finger in you.
When you say it like that, it does sound pretty great.
Hey, did I tell you I'm gonna go back to that vineyard? - I'm gonna follow up.
- Everyone shut the fuck up! There's Travis.
Is that Travis? Oh, my dick, it is.
- Travis! Travis! - Yes! Over here! Travis teaches Beach Butt at Muscle Confusion.
SINGER: Hey, all right, it's working again Kay, all right, it's working again You ladies are lookin' for trouble tonight, I can feel it.
Hey, I'm Beth.
I heard about your your "Butt Confusing" class.
I'm in.
Did I tell you guys I got 6,000 steps today? Yeah.
I get 25K a day or I don't let myself sleep.
- Yeah.
- Travis.
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Oh, okay.
Hey, Travis.
Who are you here with? Oh, yeah.
JESS: His girlfriend works at the gym too.
TRAVIS: I'm here just with the boys, actually.
Trish and I broke up a while ago.
Oh? Yeah, I don't wanna talk bad about anybody, but she was a little too young for me.
Also, I don't wanna body-shame anybody, but she was a little too skinny for me.
That sucks you have to work with your ex.
- Yeah, it totally sucks.
- I just went through that.
It was so annoying.
I transferred out of Manhattan.
Wait, you work in the city? Yeah, I'm just out here for a few weeks.
Just taking care of some stuff at my mom's.
- My mom just died.
- I love the city! I go all the time Rangers games, get a slice.
Those nuts? - You know what I mean? Like - The nuts.
- Yeah.
- The nut the nut carts.
On the corner.
Like, the smell of the nuts.
I fucking love it there.
- The energy.
- Right.
The energy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
All right, I'm gonna go back to the guys, but are you on Instagram? Yeah.
We're all on Instagram.
- Okay, well, follow me.
And we'll message each other and we can make a plan to meet up in the city.
Maybe we can get one of those characters with the big heads and the little bodies that they do in Times Square.
Yeah, for sure.
- Do you ever see the parade? - What parade? The Thanksgiving Day Parade with all the floats.
Yeah, yeah, with the floats.
It's a big deal on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, the big Snoopy that comes through.
And the weather but if the weather's not good, they can't do the parade.
- Yeah.
- Sure.
All right, well, you just hit me up and we can meet in Penn Station.
- We'll figure it out.
- Cool.
All right, well, have fun tonight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Promise me.
- You have to fuck him.
- Travis used to be fat.
That's why he's so nice now.
Okay, but he's, like, so hot, it's it's confusing.
Like, I don't even know if I'm attracted to him.
- You are.
- What? All right.
I'll follow him.
Hey, can we leave? This place is upsetting, right? - Yes.
Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.
Oh, I think Nordstrom Rack is still open.
MAYA: Ooh.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're back.
I came back.
Hey, Gerald is - Is fucking crazy.
- Okay, thank you.
Let me guess, he gave you the pinot.
He gave me the pinot.
It's really good.
Everybody freaks out about it.
I think it smells like socks.
Yeah, but that's a good thing.
So who are these assholes? This is the workforce.
Oh, yeah? What's his name? Her.
And I never name them.
That's a completely wasted opportunity.
He's not hungry.
Like, this one's obviously Cinnabun.
And then, pfft, I shouldn't even have to say this, but this one's White Rabbit, like from the Jefferson Airplane song of the same name.
That's Attila the Bun.
And Bunny and Clyde.
Oh, yeah.
- See? - Yeah.
It's just, like, better to name them.
- Okay.
Hey, John.
Hey, Skyler.
Beth, this is my friend Skyler.
- Hi.
- Hey, uh, before you ask, the boat is fine.
I was right by the dock.
- Very good.
- Wanna play tennis? Shit, I can't.
It's Elena's birthday.
I have to get everything ready.
I'm using the grill.
- SKYLER: Bummer.
- Tuesday morning, though.
- You got it.
- JOHN: Cool.
- See you, man.
- SKYLER: See you.
He's a really good tennis player for his age.
I usually beat him, though.
JOHN: You want some lunch? BETH: Yeah.
Can you bring that table over here? Yeah.
- Oh.
It's pretty heavy.
You wanna help me? Obviously, you have to use your legs.
Try with that in mind.
If it's still too heavy, I'll help.
My legs.
It's good.
It's fine.
Don't put it on an angle.
I would straighten it.
What? You have it on an angle right now - Right.
- And because the floor is uneven, I would straighten it so that it's square with the - Yeah, no, I - Window.
I was making my way around.
- Yeah, it's - That's great.
That's good.
- Get the water.
So big birthday party tonight.
Yeah, it's just the people we're closest to, but that is a lot of people, I guess.
You should come.
Yeah, maybe I will.
Elena is her name? Yeah.
Um But wow, I mean, she must be a pretty special lady for you to be throwing her a whole birthday party.
Oh, thank you.
That's great.
Yeah, I don't Know if I'm gonna be able to make it, actually.
I just ugh.
I have a date.
It's this guy.
Um He's like, this, like like, ripped model-y guy.
He's so not usually my thing.
It's just he's been, like, begging me to go out.
Um, so Yeah, but he's just really interesting.
He, like, goes into the city a lot.
You guys could both come to the party.
I'm cooking, and we got sparklers.
Yeah, maybe we will.
So good.
Those are my grandfather's blackberries.
Ever since he died, I've entered them into the competition at the fair in his name.
They win a blue ribbon every year.
Wow, that's kinda cheating, isn't it? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Uh, they're amazing.
They're even better when they're warm from the sun.
Oh, thank you.
That is delicious.
Rabbit liver.
And the bread is from this incredible baker in Amagansett.
- Are you serious? - Yeah, she grew up there.
- No, this is rabbit? - That's why I don't name them.
SINGER: Betty got booty, got booty, got body Maybe that booty gon' hurt somebody Betty got booty, got booty, got body Maybe that booty gon' hurt somebody Can you breathe, are you okay? 'Cause the beat got me going Shoulders, knees, touch your toes, babe Betty bussit down, bussit down, bussit down I don't know if you've seen those bucket drummers.
Those people in the street where they're, like they're, like, holding the buckets - Yeah.
- And it's like with drumsticks - but it - Yeah.
And they go, like [RAPPING ON TABLE.]
Yeah, no, no.
I yes.
I have.
Oh, you're good at it.
- Yeah, I have seen them.
- I see them a lot.
- Right.
- Yeah.
I love that you're a personal trainer.
I mean, you can really change people's lives.
Yeah, it's really fulfilling.
Uh, the Blue Man Group.
Have you seen that? - It's like, they're still blue.
- Will you excuse me? Uh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
- Yeah, of course.
- Okay.
I'll get you another 'rita.
- Uh, margarita.
- Yeah.
- Uh, hello.
- Hey, Beth.
Beth's here.
Sorry about your mom.
- Thank you, Bryan.
- How's it going with Travis? - Does he smell so good? - Oh, he seems really into you.
Have you touched his shoulders yet? - They're so warm-looking.
- Are you serious? You guys are so sad that you're here with your families.
They have my favorite white zin.
That's not a real wine, Jeff.
- Is this happening or what? - Oh, God.
Yeah, we've been depending on this.
It got me through sex with Jeff this morning.
- That is hurtful.
- BETH: Okay.
Maya's the only normal one that she's not here.
Girl, what did we miss? This is Shlomo.
Hi, I'm Shlomo.
Hi, Shlomo.
Okay, he's pretty brutal.
And I think the only reason that he's even interested in me is because I live in the city.
- So you're not gonna eff him? - [SCOFFS.]
I really don't think he's ever even been to the city.
Doesn't matter.
Jeff's never even been on a plane.
I would, I just haven't had the opportunity.
I don't care if he's never whatevered anything ever.
- We are banging him.
- Yes.
Is anyone gonna talk about the fact that it's my birthday? - Jeff, please.
- Okay, Jeff.
This is not about you.
Please? - Our birthdays are over, man.
- Happy birthday.
Thank you, Shlomo.
Actually, I have a friend that's having a birthday party tonight.
Uh, girl, don't nobody care about that, okay? - Okay.
- Focus up, Beth.
Shlomo, I I will try.
- All right? - Okay.
But just relax over here.
This is very sad.
You're our hero.
You're our hero.
Remember that, okay? - You got this.
- BETH: Stop staring at us.
Is is that like, a like a journal, like a diary? Oh, man.
This is so embarrassing.
- I didn't see you walking up.
- No.
- Fuck.
- No.
I love that you're writing in that.
That's amazing.
Yeah, I'm like a little girl, basically, keeping a diary.
No, no, I mean, I was a little girl.
I don't know what but, um, I've been rereading my journals from - You had journals too? - Yes.
Yeah, and I've been rereading them and it's crazy.
I could read a little bit if you - are interested.
- I'd really I'd really enjoy it.
- Really? - Yes, absolutely.
- Please read it to me.
- Okay.
This this is today.
"Today was a hard day.
I maxed out at three sets at 3-50 and Halo said that my resting heart rate was under 60 bpm today.
- I had a smoothie" - I wanna go.
Okay, yeah.
Should we go to another bar? Act I just I just remembered - that I need to go home - Ahh.
Away from here.
Back to the city? - Yeah.
- Ah, man.
Yeah, so how do you think you're gonna get there? Would it be, like, a cab there? Or maybe you'll do the Long Island Railroad? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think I think just the Long Island Railroad.
Yeah, 'cause that'll get you that actually gets you right into, uh, Penn Station at 34th Street.
- Right.
- And I think there's a - there's an entrance on 33rd.
- Okay.
- I'll look for that.
- There's lots of ways you know, like, the subway is crazy.
- Oh, my God.
Don't even.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Be safe, it's dangerous.
SINGER: Can you breathe? Are you okay? 'Cause the beat got me going Shoulders, knees, touch your toes, babe ANNOUNCER: All right, well, this next song has a dedication.
"Happy 12th birthday to Jim.
Listen to your heart.
Love you.
From your social media therapist.
" This song's for you, Jim.
SINGER: Extraordinarily pretty teeth Beauty lingers out of reach You're my DC, oh, Lee Oh Man Ray went cray cray over you [BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYING.]
I was in the neighborhood.
So glad you made it.
- Yeah.
- Is your date here? No, he had to get back to the city.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Well, do you wanna meet Elena? - Of course.
- Cool.
You guys'll love each other.
Elena, this is my friend Beth.
Hi, Elena.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Did you know they said I'm 90 years old? What? Sneaks up on you, right? Someone get this woman some whiskey! - It's her goddamn birthday! - [ELENA LAUGHS.]
It's my goddamn birthday, God damn it! - [LAUGHTER.]
- Whoo! - All right.
- BETH: Yes.
Let's get some whiskey.
Oh, wow.
- Thank you.
- The service here thank you.
- Cheers.
Ahh, this is gonna be the best birthday yet.
- Oh.
SINGERS: Ooh Okay.
I advise you to really think hard about this.
- I'm folding.
I'm folding.
- Yeah.
BETH: Hey, Bob.
- Mm.
Yeah? What? - BETH: [LAUGHS.]
Were you asleep? - No, no, no.
- BETH: Oh, okay.
- Oh, no.
Not me.
- JOHN: That's Bob's poker face.
- He was asleep, right? - JOHN: That's Bob's poker face.
That's his move, right? - He was asleep.
It feels so good to be out here.
We're harvesting a bunch of produce tomorrow if you wanna come help.
I'm in.
- Great.
- Yeah.
Hey, I was just leaving.
This is my girlfriend, Katie.
- It's so nice to meet you.
- This is Beth.
Aw, you, like, really got dressed up.
Oh Thank you, yeah.
I didn't know I was coming here when I left my house today.
Katie usually feels pretty cold.
Do you want my jacket? Well, um, happy Elena's birthday.
Hope it warms up out here for ya.
Oh, Beth, we'll probably start late tomorrow, so just, like, 7:00, 6:45-ish.
Yeah, yeah.
To to, um, harvest.
Um Great.
Yeah, I'm up then anyway, so - JOHN: Perfect.
- Yeah.
If you want, I can show you how to clean out the chicken coop.
Mm, yeah.
I would love to do that with you at 6:45 in the morning.
JOHN: Right.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, should we just we don't have to formalize it.
- Thank you, Beth.
- Yeah.
JOHN: Yeah, just enjoy the morning with your family.
- Beth's totally up for it.
- Happy to help.
Should we just kind of play it by ear, though? Like, in the morning, we'll text.
That kind of vibe, or [WOMAN LAUGHS.]
- BETH: Good.
- She's excited.
BETH: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, good.
Uh, yeah.
Very psyched.
And what time did we land on? I want to say 8:00.
Was it 8:30? - Let's say 6:20 to be safe.
- BETH: 6:20.
Better to be safe.
JOHN: I'll have coffees for us.
Whoa, is it windy outside? Um, can I just have a drink? Yeah, definitely.
Would you mind taking off your shoes? - My shoes? - Or your boots.
Oh, yeah.
Right here is okay? Perfect.
I'll grab you a drink.
How was the trip back out to the island? - Oh - [GLASSES CLINK.]
The train was, like, empty.
Sorry, my place is kind of a mess.
Oh, you should see my place.
It's like SINGER: I feel so bad I got a worried mind I'm so lonesome all the time It's through here.
SINGER: Since I left my baby behind On Blue Bayou TRAVIS: The Jack is all I have right now, I hope that's okay.
BETH: Oh, anything's fine.
TRAVIS: Let me actually clear some of this stuff.
You wanted a drink? [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, how'd you know? Oh, uh, just the bottle.
I'm a liquor girl.
SINGER: Where the folks are fine And the world is mine On Blue Bayou Bottom's up.
SINGER: With their sails afloat If I could only see That familiar sunrise Through sleepy eyes How happy I'd be Gonna see my baby again Gonna be with some of my friends Oh, I I leave my bra on.
I leave it on.
SINGER: Saving nickels, saving dimes Working till the sun don't shine Looking forward to happier times On Blue Bayou I'm going back someday Come what may To Blue Bayou Where the folks are fine And the world is mine On Blue Bayou Where those fishing boats [MUSIC FADES.]
- Oh, hey.
- Um ADAM: Hey, Beth.
Did you have breakfast this morning? Yeah.
Let me guess, pancakes.
Like, big ol' pancakes.
Don't forget your syrup.
- KID: Ooh.
- Come on.
BOBBY: Because her nipples are big.
Shut up, Amanda.
You cheat on Spanish tests.
Beth, you dropped your pancakes.
Shit, shit, shit.
Everything all right? Uh the condom broke.
I'll just get Plan B on my way home.
Okay, yeah.
I'll join you.
I'll go with you.
- I really wish you wouldn't.
- What? What? LAVAR: Plan A didn't work out? Shut up.
You must be Matt.
Are you in here a lot? This is not Matt, okay? - This is Trevor.
- Travis.
You wanna just take that now? - Excuse me? - Oh, damn.
What? You just take it now and then you get it over with.
Do you think I'm planning on not taking this? Look, Beth having a baby is a really big deal for guys.
Oh, my God.
Well, I guess we can't grow old together.
You did catch me.
I really I wanted to trap you into marriage.
I wanted to live in your apartment and have a family.
Oh, God.
Wow, I'm sorry if I made you feel No, no, no.
Oh, my God, no.
Don't apologize.
Don't you dare apologize.
You you did not hurt me.
I wanna if anything, I wanna thank you for giving me one of the best moments of my life.
I have pulled my knee boots up for the last time, gentlemen.
Okay? And for that, I thank you.
Fuck you.
I'm taking a loofa.
SINGERS: Oh, I, oh, I I better learn how to face it She's gone Oh, I, oh, I [TRUCK EXHAUST HISSES.]
GARBAGE MAN: Holy fuck, she's fine.
- MAN: Hey.
- Oh, yeah.
Check 'er out.
MAN: Let's go.
Get a load of these pancakes! How do you like these? They're all mine.
SINGER: She's gone Oh, I I better learn how to face it She's gone, she's gone Oh, I I'd pay the devil to replace her She's gone Oh, I I better learn how to face it - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone Oh, I I'd pay the devil to replace her - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone - SINGER: She's gone
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