Life & Beth (2022) s01e05 Episode Script


BIG SEAN: Last night took an L but tonight I bounce back Wake up every morning By the night, I count stacks Knew that ass was real When I hit, it bounce back You ain't getting checks.
Last night took an L but tonight I bounce back Boy, I been broke as hell Cashed a check and bounced back D town, LAX, every week I bounce back If you a real one, then you know how to bounce back Fuck you.
BIG SEAN: I woke up in beast mode With my girl, that's beauty and the beast though [GROANING.]
Do you want a coffee? What time is it? JOHN: It's 5:50.
Actually, I already got you a coffee.
- I would love a coffee.
- JOHN: Great.
BIG SEAN: So last night took an L But tonight I bounce back Boy, I been broke as hell Cashed a check and bounced back D town, LAX, every week I bounce back If you a real one, then you know how to bounce back Bounce back, bounce Bounce, bounce back, bounce Bounce, bounce, bounce, bitch, bounce Yeah - Morning.
- BETH: Morning.
- [SIGHS.]
- How do you feel? BETH: I'm thriving.
- Ready to work? - Fuck yeah.
God, you go.
I'm on a break.
JOHN: Okay, okay, may I? Hmm.
- They're not my favorite.
- Yeah.
Grab a couple.
- One.
- Oh my God.
Did you see all the water? I did.
And I felt the water.
Put it in here.
Don't release because they'll explode.
- So.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- That was perfect.
And then if you wanna be really pro, you can put them like that.
- In that way.
Like a pair of shoes.
I don't see how those are shoes, but that's simple.
Um God, I just kind of wanna dunk my head in here right now.
Did you go that hard last night? No, but it was kind of a rough a rough night, just yeah.
Well, please don't dunk your head in there.
That would pollute the whole basin.
Okay, yeah, and I wouldn't wanna mess up my hair.
I can feel it looks really amazing right now.
It looks pretty bad because of the dirt and sweat.
God, what are these monsters? That's celery root.
That is the unsung hero of root vegetables.
It's an honor.
I hope some of this is useful for your job.
Yeah, learning anything is useful, right? Well, come on, I'll show you how to clean out the chicken coop.
Is it okay on your back? - Yeah.
- JOHN: This is precious compost.
Oh, yeah.
It seems like precious.
What's the smell? - Uh, probably ammonia.
- Yeah.
JOHN: Don't you think it's funny that their poop and their eggs come out of the same hole? I didn't know that.
That is that's funny.
JOHN: Do you think this is a good idea? Cleaning up the chicken shit? We're obviously attracted to each other, but we work together.
No, I know you have a girlfriend.
Yeah, no.
So yeah, I'm happy to be friends.
- JOHN: Yeah.
- Yeah.
- JOHN: I thought maybe - No, no, I'm happy to JOHN: I was gonna say just friends.
Friends, right.
Yeah, till the end.
Man, smelly Yeah, just group all this together into one big pile, and then we can easily scoop it into the wheelbarrow.
- Okay.
- Just make a central pile.
Thanks for coming to Elena's party.
It was fun.
Yeah, I think it meant a lot to her, even though she's never met you before, and she's probably forgotten about the whole event.
Yeah, it was nice.
It was nice meeting, you know, almost everybody.
Does Katie ever do this stuff with you? Katie doesn't like the outdoors.
- SKYLER: Hey, John.
- Hey, Skyler.
SKYLER: Hey, uh, I saw the boat and, yes, it's good.
You're the best, man.
SKYLER: Uh, am I gonna see you at the fair tonight? Yeah, you know it.
SKYLER: All right.
See you there, buddy.
See you there.
The fair.
Yeah, there's this fair we do every year.
No, I know, I know.
- Like, what - [COUGHING.]
- Ew.
- I'm sorry.
Do you want some water? - Thank you.
- Yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna go, so.
- You want your water? - BETH: That's for you, keep it.
Oh, wow.
What am I doing? What am I doing? MAYA: What are you doing? I don't know.
- He has a girlfriend.
- I know.
- Do you? - Yes.
Okay, Because that's exactly how my marriage broke up.
I know.
At this point, I'm just following him around like some sad - SHLOMO: Loser.
- Okay, Shlomo.
I, like, really had it together up until two weeks ago.
So please just Beth, you know he's right.
What happened last night? It was disturbing.
- Is that it? - Yeah, that is it.
Well, I need more details than that, come on.
You really don't wanna CHARLES: What are you talking about? Um, absolutely nothing.
Ew, mind your business.
- Hey, Beth.
- BETH: What's up? WILL: Heard about your mama.
I'm sorry.
- Thanks, Will.
- "I heard about your mama.
" You don't give a damn about her or her mother, phony-ass.
And PS, do not bring Charles back here hopped up on sugar, talking about violence and video games.
All right.
But you know I know you give him soda, right? I can't believe it, my own son you little narc.
No, I am not.
No, I am not.
What did I tell you? That snitches get stitches.
MAYA: You know it.
My parenting is in question? Really? - SHLOMO: They're on.
- Who that? This is Shlomo.
- Shlomo.
- I'm Shlomo.
- Slo-mo.
- No, Dad, Shlomo.
Shlomo Shlomo.
Come on.
Let's get, 'cause I ain't got time for this.
Ew, I married that.
Anyway, girl, we're about to do this bris on Zoom.
- SHLOMO: My nephew.
- Oh, very nice.
- SHLOMO: Yeah, thank you.
- Congratulations.
All right, babe.
Weird if I stick around? No, come on.
PARENT: All right.
I think he's had enough.
We're gonna wrap things up here.
Thanks, guys.
This tradition is fucked.
Not my favorite ritual, but they all have their purpose.
So you're, like, really Jewish.
I only really started observing again two years ago.
BETH: Oh, yeah? What Like, what brought you back to it? Oh, my dad died, and I didn't really know what to do with myself.
I like all the rules Judaism gave me.
How long you sit shiva, what to say, what to eat.
Rending of the garment.
I mean, all of it.
Um, my mom was no, she converted to Judaism, like, for my dad.
So I don't think she'd really be a candidate for all of that, you know.
SHLOMO: No, shiva is not about the dead person or even God.
It's all for the mourners.
By day five of my dad's, I thought I was ready to be done.
Then day six came, and I couldn't stop weeping.
It's like a prescription.
Like antibiotics.
Even though you feel better, you have to finish 'em.
And you can't drink on them.
"Will you guys come meet me at Maya's? I'm so bored".
Beth, I'm on this text chain.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm not bored.
I wrote that earlier when I was bored.
- Rude.
- Hey, is that Beth? Oh, ah, look at that.
I thought I heard you - in my house.
- Hey.
GRANDPA DON: How you doing with everything, girl? Oh, you know, better than I should be.
Oh, fuck all that.
No, such thing.
Slo-mo, huh? - Shlomo.
- Shlomo.
Look here, I'm going out tonight, so don't wait up.
It is Motown quiz night at the rec center.
And I will be winning that $100.
Get 'em done.
All right, Pop.
Girl, he ain't gonna win shit.
But, um, you know we still gotta talk about last night.
- No, I don't - MAYA: What? I'm so tired, and I don't wanna SHLOMO: It's fine.
I have to prepare for the sabbath anyway.
- BETH: Okay.
- Shabbat shalom, ladies.
And also, with you.
- So, Travis.
MAYA: Come on.
- What do you mean piles? - Like, I mean piles.
Like piles, like to the ceiling of the shit.
Yeah, we don't care about the piles.
We wanna know about the sex.
- Was it like fucking a god? - No, it was it was disgusting.
It wasn't - No.
- Yes.
No, okay, this isn't fun.
No, we want hot details.
No, I know that.
I'm sorry that I can't deliver that to you, but it was like a really fucked up experience, okay? We shouldn't have our bodies, like, didn't belong together.
It was like a sea otter fucking, like, a slab of marble.
Okay, so who are you in this situation? - Obviously she's a sea otter.
- I'm the fricking sea otter.
- What are you talking about? - JESS: I don't know.
- Why would I be the marble? - I don't know.
There's no world I'm the marble.
- Sea otters are kinda hot.
- What? - There is, like, a guy that - [GASPS.]
Okay, this is what I mean.
No, no, no, but it's nothing.
I think it's nothing.
I just You got, like, a little blushy.
- No, shut up, it's not - She's smiling.
Are you guys going to the fair? Oh, yeah.
The fair is tonight.
- Yeah.
- I should bring the kids.
- Yes.
- Uh, I'm too tired.
- Oh.
- Really? I think I'm gonna tell my kids it's canceled.
Yeah, Liz made it an assignment - for them to go, but fuck that.
- I'm not doing that.
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, enough of that.
What's going on? Did you talk about Travis' dick yet? - No, no! - She's giving us nothing.
What? Come on, we've been waiting.
No, I'm not going to.
No, can we talk about you and Shlomo? These two? No, you guys have chemistry.
MAYA: Okay, all right, yeah.
We got chemistry.
Let me just say this twice last night, once this morning.
Okay? Twice last night, once girl.
- Yes.
- MAYA: Come on.
Tell us everything.
Beth is bumming us out.
Listen, let me just tell you something.
He is a communicator.
La-la-la-la, la, la-la-la, okay? - What does that mean, though? - He talks dirty.
I knew that.
I love that.
It's not even just that.
It's like, I tell him what to do, and he does it.
He asks me what do I want, and he does it.
- JESS: Oh, my God.
- JEN: Oh, damn, that's good.
I can't even imagine just to like say what you actually want.
- No, I tell Bryan everything.
- Oh, yeah.
I can't wait for Jeff to figure it out down there.
Oh, gosh.
Yeah, what's weird for me is that actually like, it's like your dad is like reading my mind, - so I don't have to say shit - [SQUAWKING.]
No, no, he's like, you know, he's just a wizard.
It's not my fault.
No, but seriously, like sex is really hard for girls for a long time.
Yeah, sometimes forever.
Um, excuse me.
Hi, where'd you get that corn dog? Brought it from home.
JOHN: Make some kind of a tart, berry tart, or a savory tart with them.
They kinda burst Give me all your snap peas, and no one gets hurt.
- It's a carrot.
- I know, I wasn't afraid.
You made it.
Hi, yeah, I made it.
- It's so nice to see you.
- Katie here? No, it's mostly outside, so.
That's the thing with fairs.
That's the thing.
So where's oh, Grandpa's famous blackberries, right? - Um.
- Mind if I Yeah, you're not really supposed to eat the display, actually.
- There's three left.
- There are six judges.
They can share them.
Should we go hang? - Yeah.
- Can you leave the display? - I think so.
- Yeah.
Ooh, this looks good, right? Is it part of the contest? Yeah, we're not supposed to be doing that or that.
You shouldn't even be touching them.
- Are we gonna get in trouble? - Yeah.
Oh, my gosh, the water balloon race game.
- Should we play? - This game doesn't hold the same emotional weight for me as you.
That sounds like a yes.
Oh, look at the happy couple here.
Oliver Twist needs a friend.
Water racer, water chaser, what do you say? - How much? - CARNIVAL BARKER: $5 a head.
- Bargain.
- Got it? - Okay.
- Oh, beautiful.
- Okay.
- Three players.
- Three players.
- Okay, You ready? All right.
A-one, a-two, spray.
Ooh! Hey, his stream is clearly faster than ours.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, look at that.
This is bullshit.
- This is bullshit.
- This isn't fair.
Yes! Suck it, nerds.
Oh, okay.
Really? CARNIVAL BARKER: Winner, winner, chicken dinner, my friend.
Where did you get that corn dog? - From your mom.
- My mom is dead.
You didn't really win that bear.
Yeah, that bear is a lie, and I hope it gives you a rash.
- Fuck you, you fat lepers.
- Okay.
Does that make you feel good, to be rude to strangers and cheat? 'Cause you I know you come from an unstable home, but I - fuck you.
- Whatever, hag.
Let's go, let's go.
Yeah, let's go.
- BETH: Do you hear him? - JOHN: He's not worth it.
JOHN: Let's find you a corn dog.
BETH: Please, let's find me a corn dog.
I mean, really, if you think about it, this fair blows.
Limited secret corn dogs, no roller coasters.
Where are you even supposed to get fingered anymore? Excuse me? The movie "Fear.
" Missed that one.
Stop it.
Are you serious? Reese Witherspoon? Mark Wahlberg? Mark Wahlberg gets fingered? I'll have to check that out.
No, we have to watch that.
I mean "Fear" or something.
I don't know if you like watching.
Yeah, I do.
I don't have a TV, but we could watch it on a computer if you download it somewhere first with internet.
Yeah, I have Wi-Fi access.
Oh, my God, I mean, "Fear"? You've never seen "Fear"? - God.
- JOHN: I'm going to.
Prime Witherspoon.
- You've ever seen "Brown Bunny"? - [LAUGHTER.]
Oh God, I hate this.
I hate this.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! - JOHN: Don't look.
- BETH: Okay, okay.
JOHN: Whoa.
Don't look left or right.
That's my advice.
If you close your eyes, it's okay.
No corn dogs, but I got two waters.
Oh, great.
Um, I will be right back.
I'll hold the waters and wait right here.
Oh, my God.
- How are you? - Um, I'm okay, I just Um, I'm just in town.
My mom died.
Did you know that? I didn't.
I'm sorry.
BETH: Yeah.
Um, it's fine.
What about you? Is your family here? Yeah, my, uh, my son's around here somewhere actually.
- BETH: Oh, wow.
- Yeah, I have a son.
- He's like - BETH: Yeah.
- Yeah.
- That's so cool.
Do you wanna get like a coffee sometime or like, you know.
This is mommy's very old friend.
- This lady screamed at me.
- BOTH: What? You said I come from an unstable home.
- Um.
- Excuse me? - And you attacked me.
- I did not.
Because you're a bitch.
Okay, all right.
He's obviously a little drunk.
Okay? No, look, - your son cheated, okay? - Mm-hmm.
- You cheated.
- BETH: You cheated.
- You cheated.
- Beth.
BETH: It was you that cheated.
- You cheated.
- Beth.
No, listen, do you wanna just exchange information? Like we could just get coffee or a drink.
We could like clear it all up? You need to leave, Beth.
You need to leave now.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- LIZ: That's enough.
Okay, okay, great.
I'm gonna leave.
I mean it.
Yes, I'm leaving.
Do you know where they have corn dogs? I'm leaving.
- Okay.
- I'm leaving.
I drank both waters.
BETH: Can we leave? - Yeah.
We should go check out my boat.
- Great.
- Free corn dogs here.
Get your free corn dogs here.
- So that's your boat? - Yeah.
It's great, right? It's great.
JOHN: I love it.
JOHN: It's really relaxing just to spend a day on it.
Do you wanna walk back through the woods? - Yeah.
- It's nicer.
BETH: Yeah, no, wait.
I can't, um my cell phone died.
Can you use your phone light? Mine doesn't have a flashlight, but it's okay.
No, okay.
Uh, actually, it's not okay 'cause I can't see anything, and I don't know where I am.
Can you stop walking? It's okay.
I know these woods.
I've lived here my whole life.
Yeah, but, you know, I feel scared.
I don't feel okay about it.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- No, I Can you can we get a light? I'm not walking if I can't see.
I've got you.
Hey, trust me.
It's okay.
YOUNG JANE: Come on, Bethy, get in the pool.
YOUNG BETH: It's not our pool.
YOUNG JANE: The Solbergs said we could use it anytime, and this is anytime.
Come on in.
- Come on! - Fine.
YOUNG JANE: It's not cold.
You little baby.
You little baby, you're so cold.
YOUNG BETH: I am a little baby.
YOUNG JANE: Don't get dizzy.
Pull your legs up.
Trust me.
I got you.
- I do.
- Straighten your legs.
- I trust you.
- There you go.
And just float.
Oh, is this like someone's lawn? I know the guy who lives here.
He's never home.
BETH: Oh, okay.
I called you from right here the other night.
I sat there.
You called me? They have great reception here.
I didn't know you called me.
- Your voicemail isn't set up.
- I know.
Might have been over here, actually.
Are you sure nobody's home? He's never there.
It's a waste of really excellent reception.
Should we just undress ourselves? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- I think that's better.
- Yeah.
- It's easier.
- Here.
- Can I put my shirt on it? Yeah.
You could put anything on it.
This is called a wrap dress.
- Oh.
- Because it wraps around.
Oh, yeah.
It's kind of like a robe.
I don't know, yeah.
I guess it is.
I'm gonna take my boots off.
I'm gonna take my bra off.
Would you would you do that but, like, side to side instead? Yeah.
Just like that.
Oh, wait, would you go back to doing the thing I just said when I said just like that? Yeah, that's perfect.
It's not as easy to put on as you would think.
What are you thinking about? Ticks.
- Tits? - Ticks.
- Dicks? - Ticks.
GUY ON PORCH: Ticks! BETH: Oh, my God! JOHN: Fuck, fuck, oh, fuck.
It's okay.
It's totally [LAUGHING.]
Oh, my God.
Wait, let me just [LAUGHTER.]
What the fuck? Oh, God.
I can't believe that.
The woman who lives there is selling her blueberry bushes.
I'm gonna buy a couple next month.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I-I really, I can't I can't believe that.
I know, she's practically giving them away.
No, no, no.
But that was insane.
I mean, wait, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm - I'm, like, not okay.
- With what? Like, with with you know.
Like, I'm actually not okay.
Like, you said that you said he wasn't home.
JOHN: I thought he wasn't.
Yeah, but he but he was, he was home, and you you said he wasn't, and I believed you.
I'm sorry, I thought he wasn't there.
Right, right, but you That was unsafe.
Just everything tonight was has been unsafe.
Beth, I'm sorry.
I didn't think he was home.
No, no, I but I but I you told me to trust you, and I like totally trusted you, and I felt close to you.
- I thought he wasn't home.
- Right, okay.
You keep saying that.
You keep repeating yourself.
I hear you.
You lied.
And you have a fucking girlfriend, okay? You have a girlfriend, and what am I doing? What am I even doing other than becoming my fucking mother? Fuck! Fuck, John! - Are you a sex addict? - No.
No, are you? Are you a sex addict? No, I've gone years without sex.
No, tell me the truth! Is that like your friend's house and he watches and he like films it? Tell me the fucking truth.
- No, not at all.
- You have to tell me.
No, he does have binoculars, but he's a bird watcher.
He has specific plants to attract hummingbirds.
What the fuck are you talking about? What does that mean? Beth, I thought he wasn't home.
No, but you said you knew he wasn't, and he was.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
What the fuck are you talking about, John? Or you're just saying to me shit to me, so I feel things.
That's what you're doing.
You're just saying shit to me because you want me to trust you, and you want me to need you.
Well, fuck you because I see you coming, okay? I see you coming a mile a fucking way.
So nice try.
Nice try.
- I thought he wasn't home.
- No.
Stop repeating yourself.
You keep saying that.
You keep saying that.
I hear you, okay? I'm leaving.
John! Beth? I don't know where I am.
I'll take you to your car.
It's this way.
I'm sorry.
AFIE JURVANEN: I'm lost in the light I pray for the night To take me To take you too After so many words Still nothing's heard Don't know what we should do So if someone could see me now, let them see you Was my greatest thrill When we just stood still You let me hold your hand till I had my fill Even counting sheep Don't help me sleep I just toss and turn right there beside you So if someone could help me now It's so easy.

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