Life's a Glitch with Julien Bam (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

[Julien] For the first time, I saw it,
my second me.
What do you say at such a moment?
I like you.
And I like you.
Let's switch again.
Something like that would have been nice.
Hi, I would like to take a taxi
to my world, where that loser
Julien is about to destroy my life.
You're a famous influencer
who thinks he's better than everyone.
Do you know what I've been through lately?
I had to drive this shitty rapper home.
He suddenly distracted me.
- And then, bang, crash.
- [tires screeching]
I thought I was dead,
but then I woke up in a strange car,
with that crazy dude.
And he tried to kill me.
Do you know how awful that was?
Then I woke up in a hospital
and had tattoos all over my body.
And then I was picked up by strangers
who are supposed to be my employees.
They wanted me to sign things.
And my wallet was full of money,
but I just spent it all.
I'm sorry, but I needed it
to keep the people off my back.
Why does everyone know me?
Even a beautiful woman spoke to me.
I panicked!
The next day I see in the paper
that I'm an "influencer."
INFLUENCER GOES NUTS
What the fuck! And unfortunately
the kiosk was also robbed.
Holy shit! I thought
I was going to die! Now it's over!
Sounds like a spa compared to my days.
Are you kidding?
Your life has destroyed my life!
Come on, what is there to destroy?
"Oh, I'm a taxi driver."
- "I have people drug me for a few bucks."
- Boys!
Oh, your life is better?
"Breaking news, I've got diarrhea."
"Let's make a story so the fans
know about the tragedy of my life."
- You're the tragedy of my life.
- Boys? You done?
Yeah. No wait, one more thing.
Son of a bitch! So now that's it.
No one is insulting mothers but me.
Joon!
You're together?
That's perfect.
- It's okay
- No front.
The four of you have to go back
to the same glitch
in the same place at the same time.
The four of us?
But there are only three of us.
There is one more little problem.
[indistinct screams]
- I have a hostage!
- [sirens blaring]
Going to jail?
Probably a year.
It will be settled in court tomorrow.
Not that bad. It's good PR.
That means we have to switch today.
Tonight. I'll get Joon.
- I'm here.
- My Joon. Joon 1.
There is another Joon? Joon 2?
Let's meet today at
What? They're gone.
[electricity crackling]
- Shit!
- Destructive interference.
The electromagnetic waves
seem to have erased each other.
To re-establish contact
we need a stronger radiation.
- 5G mast?
- 5G mast!
[upbeat music playing]
KOREAN RESTAURAN
YANGPA
[laughs]
Oink oink.
At least someone's having fun.
These fucking pig costumes haunt me.
Can't I just wear my normal clothes?
- Gold chains and grillz?
- Yes.
[scoffs] That's a crappy costume.
Flyers are under the counter.
Okay.
[Joon grunts]
SECOND REMINDER
DEBTS TO PAY: €12,456.23
- [door opens]
- [Julien] Joon? Joon!
[door closes]
- Hana.
- Julien.
Joon. We have to leave soon as possible.
- [Joon] I can't now.
- [Julien] We have to.
[whispering] I found the solution.
[whispering] You promised her,
that's why I have to do this.
- I have something much more important.
- [car door closes]
[Dima] Joon?
- Dima!
- [Dima] Joon!
Joon. We have to get to the mast.
Create a connection to our other selves.
Set a time for the switch.
Lia is already waiting at the mast.
- Which Lia?
- Sillberg!
But we have to keep Dima
off Hana's back for now
No, Joon, that's not our business.
Of course that's our business.
She's my sister!
She's some woman you've known for two days
who won't matter to you in two days.
Wake up! You do not have a sister.
And you're not a superstar. You're just
Just what?
Just Joon.
Sure. Just Joon.
- [door opens]
- [Dima] Joon?
Joony Boy.
Welcome to the Yangpa!
Quite remarkable, same family, same DNA.
Joon becomes a superstar and you
Look, I'll make it quick.
I've dealt with enough shit
the last three days.
You're not good for him. Where is he?
Unlike what you said, he seems to be doing
well for the first time in a long time.
I wanted to spare you this, Hana,
but you leave me no choice.
Bro, stop it with that Hana, will you?
[Dima] Screw your sister.
[Joon] She better shut this dump down.
Sucks for the image.
What sister? I don't have a sister!
Well, well, well
Finally in a costume that suits you.
Have something to say?
Yes I
- There's another one.
- If I could just
Joon, we gotta go.
Then why don't you just leave?
You just do what you want anyway.
I'm staying.
So sort out whatever
you think is necessary.
See you at the mast in two hours.
I'm counting on you.
Don't let me down, digga.
[door opens]
Joon, dude! You want me to kick your ass?
An unfinished music video,
a fucked-up interview,
and now this destruction video?
I'm really sorry about the video.
- "I'm sorry" doesn't help me.
- I meant Hana.
Dude, Joon, don't you get it?
- We have to deliver or we're screwed.
- We do have the feature with Diego.
His management's been breathing
down my neck for days
as he disappeared because of you.
No release without Diego.
No release, no money.
From now on, we'll do it again like I say.
Hold on. Joon is the artist.
You are not his boss. Joon is your boss.
[Dima] You've got fire, I like that.
But you forget
that I've done more for Joon
than you've done in your whole life.
- Isn't that right, Joon?
- [Hana] Fuck it.
Your ass depends on his,
not the other way around.
My ass is my ass!
Chill, okay?
Don't be so fucking aggro
all the time. I'll fix it.
You'll get your old Joon back,
and I'll also find Diego.
But in return
Fifty percent of all my income
will be given to the Yangpa.
What?
You got ideas, dude! 50%?
She can open up a hundred
of these dumps with that money.
What if I say no? What will you do then?
Then you're fucking fired.
Your ass is mine.
That's my Joon!
That's how I want to see you.
[Julien] Do you know that feeling
like you've forgotten something?
Or like you haven't
finished something properly?
[panting] Okay, first find Lia.
Then to the mast.
Then contact Loser-Julien.
Coordinate the time,
and then wait for Joon.
He'll be here.
[indistinct conversation]
Then back to Clara.
Get married. Have kids. Happy ending.
[pleasant music playing]
[clanging]
Hi?
[Lia] Psst.
Just keep walking.
[grunts] Lia, what did you do?
Did you turn back time?
Just play along.
[in English] This is LARP.
Live Action Role Play.
- [in German] Here, put this on.
- Oh, no.
I had to come here in disguise too.
The medieval fans
have made the forest their map.
And they take it damn seriously,
even the battles.
Asta la gunica!
It's about authentic skills.
Till the bitter end.
Fair enough, but why now?
Did you reach the other Julien yet?
No, I have not reached the mast yet.
It's pretty well guarded.
Seems to be some kind of
sanctuary for the LARPers.
But we just need to find a place
where we can make a phone call.
What about your buddy?
- [Julien] I need to make a call. May I?
- Are you crazy?
- Put that away! It's against the rules.
- Why? Calm down!
What are they gonna do?
Pillory? Guillotine?
You have a knife right here.
[metallic rustling]
[soldier 1] Hold it!
We're heading for the 5G mast. Cool?
The Obelisk of Destiny
is only to be entered by those
who bow to the crown of the king.
No obelisk, no king, 5G.
We want to go to the mast.
You should watch your tongue, stranger.
[Julien] Or what?
Otherwise the king's soldier
will beat me up with his plastic sword?
[mimics fighting]
[metal clinks]
[soldier 1] On your knees!
I told you they were serious.
Don't worry, I'll get us out of here.
[dramatic music plays]
You?
- You?
- Who?
- [Julien] What are you doing here?
- Yeah, what, digga?
[Diego chuckles]
You little pricks
kicked me out of the car.
- [engine revving]
- [screaming]
Do you want me to walk all the way?
Sons of bitches! [sniffs, spits]
I caught on to that
as soon as I sobered up.
Because of you little sujuks,
I wandered through the jungle for days
like some fucking sat nav.
[owl hooting]
I ate woodlice.
I wiped my ass with those fucking berries.
Dude, do you know how itchy that was?
I drank stream water.
I munched mushrooms.
Wallah, I almost died, yes
[eerie music plays]
Little bastard kids.
[owl hooting]
before I found this village.
Eventually, I understood.
The dimension travel worked, moruk
Look at this, look at that,
look at all these things, bro. It worked!
So, if you're here, Joon must be here too.
Where is the little traitor?
[dramatic music playing]
Wait a minute.
Aren't you that [clicks tongue] That one?
Wallah! Dr. Sillberg!
I absolutely admire you, yes!
[in English] Your shit is dope!
[in German] Real dope! [clicks tongue]
- Thanks?
- No! No!
I thank you.
Why would he still be here?
Look. Because he was high as a kite.
He's probably
still lying around somewhere.
For three days?
No idea, but, Hana,
you really don't have to do this.
You're my brother.
And if that means I have to trudge through
the forest with you and find some rapper,
then that's the way it is.
And hardly anyone comes
to the Yangpa anyway.
But after the deal with Dima
I mean, then you don't
even need the shed no more.
You can live a carefree life,
do whatever you want.
[sighs] I love this shed.
And no money in the world
could make me close it down.
But, yes, traveling sounds good.
I've always wanted
to go to Korea for a year
and study there and learn Korean
[echoing] and definitely
become a K-pop star
[in English] Baby ♪
We were meant to be ♪
Nothing can tear us ♪
- [in German] I love you.
- What?
[grunts] Nothing!
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
There's Diego, come! [mumbles]
Hey, here's a funny idea.
How about releasing us?
What are you talking about? Those who
snitch on the king must be punished.
But those who wander
through the peaceful forest
will find wondrous things in the clearing
that brightens the undergrowth.
Diego, you are the clearing
and Julien is the forest.
Wow!
[in English] Mind blown!
[in German] Fierce woman!
But Joon still deserves slaps
from the king. He is the undergrowth.
I'll do a Chinese burn with him.
So, where's the bastard?
I'll get him for you.
One call is all it takes.
Hey, hey, hey! Put the phone down, dude!
Cüs. You're a real troublemaker.
Like those rebels!
What rebels?
The bitches trying to steal my mast.
My holy obelisk, bro.
[chuckles]
These woodsmen from the east coast
are just waiting to take down the king.
Want war against the king.
But the king remains strong.
S-T-R
ONG!
Say "ONG!" You say "ONG!"
ONG!
Tamam. [sniffs]
Come here, whisper in my ear.
[inaudible whispering]
Tamam.
Time for judgment, then.
You? Pardoned. You?
Screwed, bro! Yallah!
Don't worry, I'll be out soon.
Take the phone.
[grunts]
[Julien] And when I thought the situation
could not get any shittier
[grunts]
What are you doing? Let me out of here!
I ended up in this dungeon
[Olek] Hey, Ju!
with you.
You made it here.
[Julien] Olek?
I thought we can chill a bit
Good to see you.
[lock clanking]
[blade swishing]
- Wait a second. Did you hear that?
- Hear what?
- Diego?
- Diego?
- Stop, in the name of the king.
- You cannot pass here.
[groans]
[groans]
Fuck, man, I just got here!
Oh, no, is that this weekend?
What, exactly?
[dramatic music playing]
- Don't shoot! I didn't do anything.
- Whose side are you on?
On the right side.
For, or against the king?
Definitely against.
The monarchical principle of autocracy
is always based on the exploitation
of the weak and disadvantaged.
Wise words.
Especially for a selfish king
who constantly consumes alien herbs
and speaks with an insulting tongue.
Hold on, is that how your king speaks?
[mimics Diego] "Dimension, dimension!
Wallah, I'm the king! You motherfuckers!"
"I fuck you all!"
- Yes, that's him.
- That's Diego!
We have to get to him. And then
we have to go straight to the mast.
To the obelisk?
That's where we are heading too.
But first we must free our leader.
He is the only one
who can take down the king.
May we accompany you?
[pleasant music playing]
[Julien] I really thought
I had everything under control again.
Now Joon is out there somewhere,
if he comes at all.
Maybe he's already given up on me.
I can only hope Lia manages
to get everything ready at the mast
and hasn't given up on me too.
And the question remains
if the other Julien can handle
the other Joon in my world.
Shit.
[upbeat music playing]
- [Lia] Come on, come on.
- [device powering up]
- Yes!
- [warbling]
[static crackling]
Okay Yes!
- Julien?
- Yes?
We have some problems here.
- But we will deal with them.
- Okay.
Go to the mast,
we will get back to you immediately.
Yes. That's more or less
how everything happened.
Well, actually, exactly like that.
I see.
Wow.
What a story.
- I didn't expect you to believe me.
- I haven't said that.
Come on. I already realized at university
that something was wrong.
That was not the Ju that I know.
Pretty crazy how the same person
can turn out so differently.
What is he like?
- The Julien in this world.
- Cool.
In his uncool way.
Some would say a little bit distinct.
[both chuckle]
But the best friend you could ask for.
Well, not everything goes to plan.
Especially for Ju.
But we stick together.
The accident, for example.
That was my Ju who got you home safely.
Keep an eye out for each other.
Same as you and Joon.
- That's what it's about, right?
- Think so.
How about you? Tell me.
You're a huge star in your world?
No idea.
- [thud]
- [soldier groans]
[spear clatters]
[Olek] Finally. Let's get started.
Leader Kelo. You're all right?
Hana!
Julien.
Joon! I knew you'd show up!
Of course you got yourself in trouble.
- And you are the leader?
- In person.
Today we bring down the king
and reconquer the obelisk.
Rebel leader?
Cool!
[electronic trilling]
Hey!
- What's up?
- Uh, nothing.
Listen
[Diego clears throat]
Now that you're already here
and I'm the king,
I was wondering, would you be up to be
queen?
Uh
Yallah. Go ahead.
- [exhales]
- [bard singing in German]
Doctor Professor Mrs. Lia Sillberg,
my darling, my sunshine,
will you be my queen?
Hmm?
Uh, no?
What do you mean, "no"? Stop that.
No to "up to be queen," okay?
A hundred, no, a thousand times no
to every question out of your mouth
beginning with "kneel down"
or with "you want?"
[mocking] "Hey, do you want?"
On behalf of all the women who have to
put up with your macho behavior every day,
just no.
Won't you reconsider?
Sounds like you're not sure.
- [scoffs]
- You're cheeky. Give me your phone.
- Give it!
- Are you crazy?
- Give that back!
- Privileges granted after you apologize.
- You mean person!
- Privileges?
[war horns blowing]
Battle mode on, dude!
Let's fuck some shit up!
Yallah!
[suspenseful music playing]
What are we doing here anyway?
It's our best shot.
[all shouting]
[swords clashing]
[clamoring]
We gotta find Lia.
Hana!
[Hana yells]
[Julien] Come on, Joon!
[static glitching]
[Julien sighs]
[exhales]
[coughs]
Can you not smoke right in my face?
[coughs]
- [epic music playing]
- [grunting]
Now what?
Cool.
Just so you know, I'm still mad at you.
Don't be so vindictive.
I just saved your life.
[soldier yells, groans]
- Yes? Now we're even.
- [grunts]
We're no longer even.
[Hana yells, grunts]
[both yelling and grunting]
- [shouts]
- Whoa!
- I'm not even part of the game.
- Me neither.
It's still fun, though!
I don't want any trouble.
I just need to get to the king.
[both yelling]
Nice hit!
Thanks. Being Joon's sister,
I had to learn how to hit.
So it's you with that monster microwave?
If I was able to afford a fryer,
I would get one.
- [man yells]
- [Hana and Lia grunt]
[Hana and Lia yelling]
[man whimpers]
[man groaning]
Diego?
[both grunting]
Diego.
Ju! Ju! There's Diego.
[Diego] I'll chew you up and spit you out!
[screams]
My obelisk, dude.
[screams]
Fuck it. If we don't hurry,
the other Joon will end up in jail.
Then we can kiss our world goodbye.
Jail? In our world?
- Hey!
- Jail?
So what?
- We're almost there.
- If we go back, I'll go to jail after all.
Oh, shit. I didn't think about that.
- Chill, Joon, we'll find a solution!
- [grunting]
Shut the fuck up!
I'm tired of all your solutions.
This time, I'm the one with the solution.
I'm staying here! [grunts]
Is his name Joon over there as well?
If you ask me more stupid questions
I'll run you over with the car.
- What? What did you say?
- Nothing.
- Do you wanna kill me?
- No.
- Yes, you said you will.
- No, I didn't.
Wait
If I am dying here,
is the other Joon dying as well?
Come on.
Don't leave me alone with this idiot.
[static glitching]
[clamoring]
I'm staying!
Here, where people care about me.
[grunting]
Here, where people respect me.
Here, where I have
a fucking driver's license.
- Just get your fucking license.
- [grunts]
[dramatic music playing]
[music peaks and fades]
Come on, finish it and run off without me.
Shit, man. Why do you
think of me like that?
We are bros.
Joon!
Dude, come on.
Dude
This guy's annoying, right?
Yes.
[men yell]
Now what?
Asta la gunica!
What was that?
[Lia] Magic.
Magic.
[Diego yelling]
[dramatic music playing]
No
Oh.
Not even anymore.
[Diego] You'll never beat me,
no matter which dimension we're in.
You are, and will always be,
just an image rapper.
[Dima grunts]
My image rapper. [chuckles]
- Dima?
- Dima?
[female rebel] The king is dead!
- [man] The king is dead.
- [all] The king is dead!
[all cheering]
- The king is dead!
- The king is dead!
Hana told me you found Diego.
Man, shit, Joon, I love you guys.
You okay?
[groans]
[triumphant music playing]
- Long live the king!
- [all] Long live the king!
[all chanting]
[sighs]
[Julien] Listen, Joon.
I'm sorry.
- For what?
- [Julien] Everything.
But most of all,
that I took you for granted.
You know what? I have an idea.
We stay here.
Here, where things are going well for you.
Are you serious?
What will you do?
- [grunting]
- [warbling, static crackling]
[electricity crackling]
[Lia] Are you out of your fucking mind?
We had a deal and the others are waiting.
- We're staying here.
- What?
Give me the phone
before everything collapses.
[electricity whooshing]
- Hana!
- [chuckles softly]
You didn't lie. It was stupid
of me not to believe you.
If you'd believed me,
that would have been stupid.
Listen, I think I have to get back to
[sighs]
- I'd really like to stay here, but
- Hey! It's okay.
You should go back to your world.
Take responsibility.
Are you gonna be okay here?
I mean, with your brother.
Don't I look like the assertive type?
- I didn't say anything
- Besides, I have support now.
[all chanting] Long live the king!
Long live the king!
[both chuckle]
You can just give me a call.
I mean, you guys have, like,
an interdimensional phone now.
You're gonna regret offering that.
I can be quite the chatterbox.
[both laugh]
What about you? Can you manage without me?
Yeah, why wouldn't I manage?
I thought you might miss me a bit.
Do you think two days with you
and, bam, I'm dependent or what?
I was just trying to be nice.
- I have something nice for you.
- Mmm-hmm.
That selfless thing earlier with Joon,
it suits you quite well.
You should keep it up.
- So you will miss me a bit.
- [chuckles]
- [Julien, in English] Yeah
- [Lia, in German] Don't screw up again.
- Shall we go?
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I mean, me as a rapper?
- Nah.
The fact that you
would have done that for me
means a lot to me.
There is one thing, though.
What?
- Limited Power Ranger.
- No!
Yes! I get the limited Power Ranger.
- You're getting shit.
- I get the fucking limited Power Ranger.
- One week.
- No.
Not a week, not a month.
I'll get your limited Power Ranger.
[sighs]
[in English] Okay.
Okay, deal.
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
[cell phone chimes]
[in German] Yes, thank you, thank you.
- [Lia] Excuse me.
- Why did it take so long?
- It's been a little escalated here.
- Is that the other Joon?
But all set up now.
We're good to go. Are you ready?
Yes, yeah, we're ready. We can start.
[in English] Let's go.
- Let's go.
- [in German] Where?
[pensive music playing]
[electricity crackling]
[groans]
- [in English] Ready?
- Ready.
[in German] We will deal with
the jail thing. It's just a year.
Wait, boys, take me with you.
[static crackling]
[tires screech]
[distorted shouts]
[both yelling]
[triumphant music builds]
[music ends]
[closing theme music playing]
[Julien] Joon, are we back?