Lip Sync Battle UK (2016) s03e01 Episode Script

Sally Phillips v Robert Webb

1 Friends say it's fine Friends say it's good Everybody says it's just like rock and roll Well, it's plain to see you were meant for me Yeah, I'm your boy Your 20th-century toy.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to get this party started.
Please make some noise for Mel B! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello.
Welcome to Lip Sync Battle UK! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Now, the game is simple.
Two stars lip-sync two songs, and the audience decide who did it best.
The mics may be off, but the battle is definitely on.
Come on! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - And here to help me out, as always, is a man who knows a thing or two about rap battles.
Please give it up for Professor Green.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - How are you doing? - I'm doing all right.
How the hell are you moving about in that skirt? You know what? I don't know.
I kind of can't really move, and everything's sticking to me.
Bad choice, but hopefully it will survive the show.
I like your jacket, though.
Thank you.
Bit of spray paint and all that.
- Yeah.
- OK, tonight is not just a matter of pride.
Our two stars are battling to get their hands on the biggest prize in showbiz this, our Lip Sync Battle championship belt.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK, it is time to meet tonight's guests.
First up, it's Bridget Jones's best mate.
It's the gorgeous Sally Phillips.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Next up is the star of Peep Show, and the man who puts the "Webb" in Mitchell and Webb.
So, how are you both feeling about tonight? - I'm extremely glad to be here.
- That's good.
- LAUGHTER - Are you going to win? I don't know.
I'll be literally the last person to know.
(LAUGHTER) Do you think you're going to win? No, he's going to win.
- Erm LAUGHTER - Oh.
- Where's the fighting spirit? - This is all a bit diplomatic.
Can you start being a bit less nice to each other, please? - Darling, we're actors.
We're being nice.
- OK.
- We love each other.
- We don't mean it.
Now, I get to decide who should go first, and I've decided it's Sally because she's a lady.
Simple as that.
So, Robert, please take a seat in our VIP bar.
So, Sally, are you ready for this? - No.
- LAUGHTER I'll tell you what I've done.
It seemed like a really great idea.
I thought, "If I do Gangnam Style, that'll be hilarious.
" - CHEERING - So, is that the song - that you've chosen? - Yeah! - LAUGHTER - OK, then! Kicking things off with Gangnam Style, it's Sally.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Put my glasses on cos Robert Webb likes women that wear glasses.
AUDIENCE: Ooh! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE MUSIC: Gangnam Style by PSY SHE MIMES: Oppan Gangnam style Gangnam style SHE MIMES KOREAN LYRICS AUDIENCE: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! MUSIC PAUSES SHE MIMES: Oppan Gangnam style Gangnam style Op, op, op, op Oppan Gangnam style Gangnam style Op, op, op, op Oppan Gangnam style Hey, sexy lady Op, op, op, op Oppan Gangnam style Hey, sexy lady Op, op, op, op Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Now, I don't know about you lot, but I only know the chorus because that's the only bit that I can actually understand.
- But you lip-synced Korean.
- Part of it, I did.
LAUGHTER But I have to say, for a lip-sync battle, that was very good cos I watch the lips very carefully.
And she did a bloody good job, don't you think? - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Thank you.
Yeah, you did.
- What did you think of Sally? - I think I might as well go home now.
LAUGHTER - How are you going to top that, though? - I'm not.
What a song choice.
We've never really gone down that lane.
No, that's definitely the first time anyone has chosen a song in a foreign language to lip-sync, probably because it's the most difficult thing to do if it's a language you don't And Korean! Do you like making life hard for yourself? - Yeah, probably.
You deserve a drink right there.
Robert, you are up next, brother.
Are you nervous? - Yes! - LAUGHTER What song are you going to lip-sync for us? I'm going to be giving my Careless Whisper by Mr George Michael.
- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Oh, we are in for a treat.
Here's Robert with Careless Whisper.
Go for it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE MUSIC: Careless Whisper by George Michael HE MOUTHS SILENTLY LAUGHTER HE MIMES: Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh I feel so unsure As I take your hand And lead you to the dance floor As the music dies Something in your eyes Calls to mind the silver screen And all its sad goodbyes I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool Should've known better than to cheat a friend And waste the chance that I've been given So I'm never gonna dance again The way I danced with you Oh-oh-oh.
I actually thought, at one point, your legs or your ankles were going to snap or fall off or something.
I thought you did it justice.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- I did.
That was my hope.
Sally, do you think that you can beat that or do you think you have already beaten that? No, I think Well, actually, maybe, because it's not a dance contest, is it? I mean, obviously, his dancing, we know, is epic, but it's not a dance contest.
So, would you say you're more confident going into round two or less confident going into round two? It's definitely an easier song than Gangnam Style, my next one.
- Right.
- But I think I still have the capacity to get it very, very wrong.
LAUGHTER Well, we will see, Sally.
OK, erm - Wow.
- CHEERING I just realised I saw it said George, but I didn't know it said, "I heart George.
" You are clearly a George Michael fan.
I mean, I like George Michael as much as the next man.
When I'm the next man, maybe not as much.
What did you think of his performance, though? I thought it was wicked.
Had me in absolute stitches.
- There you go.
- I'm not sure that was the purpose of the song originally.
Time now for a break, but do not go anywhere because we're going to be finding out which of our two comedians have the last laugh as they try and get their hands on that belt in round two of tonight's Lip Sync Battle.
Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle UK.
So far tonight, Sally did it Gangnam Style.
And Robert's guilty feet definitely did have rhythm.
LAUGHTER Time now for round two, where our stars up their game and do whatever it takes to get their hands on the ultimate prize - the Lip Sync Battle championship belt.
Sally's first to take the stage, so let's see how she's been getting ready for tonight.
I'm so excited about today.
I can't wait to see Rob.
I've been trying to call him, but he's changed his number.
I was just wondering where Robert Webb He tends to run away if he sees me coming, so I've tried loads of different ways of getting close to him today.
I think he's in here.
There he is.
I wonder what he's wearing under there.
I like his trousers.
I like his knees.
- I love his knees.
Yeah, it's Daffy Newman from Channel 5.
Yeah, just ringing about costumes for today's Lip Sync Battle.
Just wondering if Rob could wear less.
Less is more and all that.
Yeah, just quite a lot less.
I've got him a present.
I love his clown mouth, and I love his pointy nose.
He has a really strong effect on me.
I think, when I finally do see him today, - I just don't know what I'm going to do.
- Hey.
Oh! - Hi.
Nice to see you.
- Hey.
How you doing? His beautiful clown mouth's turning up at the corners.
- You look lovely in purple.
- Well, thank you.
He has such beautiful hands.
Piano player's hands.
Like pipe cleaners, but wider.
He looks after his nails.
I wonder if he'd look after me the way he looks after his nails.
Oh, yes, perhaps you'd Would you like one of these? - Yeah, I'd love one of those.
- Thanks.
Yeah, you can Yeah, if you want.
All right, cheers.
Erm - Great.
- I know I'm here to do a Lip Sync Battle, but I can't battle someone I love.
I just I just want to wrestle him.
LAUGHTER MUSIC: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers SHE MIMES: When I wake up Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next you When I go out Yeah, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you If I get drunk Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you And if I haver Yeah, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be that man who walked 1,000 miles To fall down at your door When I'm working Yes, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you And when the money comes in for the work I do I'll pass almost every penny on to you When I come home When I come home Oh, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you And if I grow old Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be that man who walks 1,000 miles To fall down at your door Da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da Da-da-da-dun, diddle-un, diddle-un, diddle-uh-da-da Da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da Da-da-da-dun, diddle-un, diddle-un, diddle-uh-da-da.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Come on over here, Sally.
Come here.
- You must be knackered after that.
- Yeah, I'm quite unfit.
LAUGHTER - How did you find it? Was it fun? - Oh, you're so nice.
Yeah, it was, actually.
It was good fun.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I like the fact you had cows.
We had, like, a builder, and the bird.
Yeah, look at that.
How do you think she did, walking those 500 miles? I thought that was the best thing ever.
- I thought it was brill.
- Aw.
Pro Green, what are your thoughts? I thought it was really, really good.
The horrible thing about it is that that song is going to be - stuck in my fucking head for days.
- LAUGHTER Good tash.
Very good tash.
33 years old and I still can't grow a tash.
LAUGHTER Robert, do think that you can do enough to beat what you just saw? - It's too soon to say! - LAUGHTER - Well, you're up next.
- Maybe.
Well, maybe.
Before we see what you've got planned, let's take a peep at how you got ready for tonight.
- Ah.
- Ah.
APPLAUSE Looking forward to doing a bit of lip-syncing, then.
This is the sort of thing that can cause a lot of hate in the world.
So, I had these made as part of my campaign to win tonight.
It's a popularity contest, essentially, isn't it? I'm getting them to vote for me.
Hi there.
Thanks for coming.
- So, everyone's clapping for me, yes? - APPLAUSE No, no, no, no.
Not now.
Save it.
Save it! You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can't do it.
You can't do it! Maybe we could bribe them.
Have you got any money? - Professor, sorry All right? You dropped that, so - What? He's not even a real professor, is he? I'm a big fan of the Spice Girls.
I like them even more than I like Westlife.
I'm not in favour of democracy when it goes wrong.
Let's make lip-syncing great again.
Yeah! THEY CHANT: Webb! Webb! Webb! Webb! Stop that.
Stop that.
It's like a fascist rally.
MUSIC: Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue HE MIMES: La-la-la La-la-la-la-la La-la-la, la-la-la-la-la La-la-la La-la-la-la-la La-la-la, la-la-la I just can't get you out of my head Boy, your loving is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head Boy, it's more than I dare to think about La-la-la, la-la-la-la-la La-la-la, la-la-la I just can't get you out of my head Boy, your loving is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head Boy, it's more than I dare to think about Every night Every day Just to be there in your arms Won't you stay? Won't you lay? Stay forever and ever And ever.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow! I mean, move over, Kylie! Look at you.
How did that feel in the outfit, the routine, the lip-syncing, everything? - Very, very comfortable.
- LAUGHTER And I saw you had, like, a lot of the I didn't want to look too much down there, - but I saw a lot of the hip stuff going on.
- Yes.
You were really giving it some, huh? - Yes.
- Yes.
That performance was called If Kylie Liked Beer, Too.
LAUGHTER Do you think you've done enough to win? - It's too soon to say! - LAUGHTER - Do you think Robert makes a good Kylie? - Yeah, an amazing I find this version of Robert actually more convincing - than the other one.
- LAUGHTER What did you think of his performance? Erm, I thought it was I mean (HE STUTTERS) Yeah, you went for it.
Erm - I have that effect on men sometimes.
- LAUGHTER Sum it all up for us, Pro Green.
From a song that I can't get out of my head to a picture that I can't get out of my head.
LAUGHTER Well, now it all comes down to this.
Let's see who will be crowned Lip Sync Battle champion tonight.
Sally, come and join me.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And Professor Green, the belt, please.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We've heard what Pro Green thinks, but the only opinion that matters is the audience.
It's your opinion.
You decide who wins, OK? So, are you ready? Is the winner Robert? WILD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY CHEERS Or is the winner Sally? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE The winner and Lip Sync Battle UK champion is Robert! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Congratulations.
- I'm sorry, Sally, but did you enjoy yourself? I did enjoy myself.
Thank you very much.
And do you have any parting words for Robert? Congratulations, and I'm not that surprised.
LAUGHTER How does it feel holding the belt, winner? Modesty is restored.
LAUGHTER Put your hands together.
They were both incredible tonight.
Thank you, Sally, and thank you, Robert.
Thank you so much.
Well, that's all we've got time for tonight.
We'll be back soon for our next Lip Sync Battle, and until then, it's bye from me.
- And goodbye from me.
- BOTH: Goodnight!