Lip Sync Battle UK (2016) s03e02 Episode Script

Aston Merrygold v Chris Ramsey - Guest Crew

1 Tonight on Lip Sync Battle, the worlds of music and comedy collide.
No, we haven't booked Kanye West.
Instead we've got the human backflip.
It's Aston Merrygold! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Plus it's the very funny Chris Ramsey! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE This Is Lip Sync Battle UK! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, please make some noise for the one, the only Mel B! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome to Lip Sync Battle! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK, so, the game is simple.
Two stars lip-sync two songs and the audience decide who did it best.
Their mics may be off, but the battle is definitely on.
Are you lot ready for that? CHEERING And give it up for our very own rap battle god, who will be judging tonight's battle from the heavens above.
Make some noise for Professor Green.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - You look lovely tonight, Mel.
- Thank you.
- You really made an effort tonight.
- I did, didn't I? My skirt's a little bit short, but I am wearing underwear.
LAUGHTER OK, our two stars have only one thing on their mind tonight and that is to take home the biggest prize in lip-syncing.
Yes, the Lip Sync Battle Championship belt.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Let's welcome this evening's performers.
He's one of the nation's top young comics, bringing that cheeky Geordie charm.
Give it up for Chris Ramsey.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Now let's meet his opponent.
He's a former member of boyband JLS, so he should be used to lip-syncing, right? I can say that.
- I'm a Spice Girl, I can say what I want, all right? - LAUGHTER It's Aston Merrygold! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh, game on already.
- So, I'm guessing you guys are ready for this, then? - Don't be fooled.
We were just kissing so passionately back there.
LAUGHTER - Crazy, man, I've got his chewing gum now.
- Oh, lord, lord.
LAUGHTER Professor Green, what are you expecting from these two? - They look very serious now! - What's going on there with that shirt? - You look like a supply teacher.
- LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I think, you know, Aston might have to bring some humour into what he's doing to pull it out of the bag, and I think Chris is going to actually have to bring something to the table performance-wise.
Will you accept a forward roll? - No.
- OK.
- Aston - Yes.
- You are going to bring it tonight, well and truly, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll give it a good go.
- He's got the moves, right, ladies? CHEERING - Course he has.
All right.
Let's get on with this.
- That felt good.
LAUGHTER - "He's got the moves, hasn't he, ladies?" - And you've got! "And, Chris, how has your day been?" LAUGHTER We have to decide who's going first, so let's flip an Aston.
- Chris, heads or tails? - Heads.
- OK.
- What? If I land on my head, that means LAUGHTER - You haven't got to move back to - Mate, I'm terrified.
- LAUGHTER - I'm getting out of the blast radius.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I did get a bit scared there.
- OK.
- It's my face! - I got a tingle, I got a tingle.
- I'm deciding.
I think that means, Aston, you definitely deserve to go first.
Oh, thanks.
Chris, please go and make your way to our VIP bar area.
- Aston - Yes? This is going to be a little bit of a walk in the park for you, don't you think? - I'm going to have some fun.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, just have a bit of fun, do what I do.
- All right.
"Do what I do.
" I like that.
What's your first song? Sexy Back, Justin Timberlake.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Give it up for Aston Merrygold! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm bringing sexy back Them other boys don't know how to act I think it's special, what's behind your back? So turn around and I'll pick up the slack Take it to the bridge Dirty babe You see these shackles Baby I'm your slave I'll let you whip me if I misbehave It's just that no-one makes me feel this way Take it to the chorus, come here girl Go ahead, be gone with it, come to the back Go ahead, be gone with it, VIP Go ahead, be gone with it, drinks on me Go ahead, be gone with it, let me see what you're twerking with Go ahead, be gone with it, look at those hips Go ahead, be gone with it, you make me smile Go ahead, be gone with it, go ahead child Go ahead, be gone with it and get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on Go ahead, be gone with it Get your sexy on I'm bringing sexy back Them other don't know how to act Come let me make up for the things you lack Cos you're burning up I gotta get it fast.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You should be in a boyband, you know.
Did anybody tell you that? I think a few girls in the audience actually were fainting a little bit.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes! Sorry about trying to destroy your I didn't know what was going on, mate.
Not a clue.
LAUGHTER I thought I was going to have to bloody dance! Professor Green, what's the verdict? You've got your work cut out, Chris.
- You've got your work cut out.
- Knew that from the beginning.
- We haven't had a performance like that on here yet.
- We haven't.
OK, Chris, what did you think, honestly, genuinely, seriously? He looked like a little elf.
LAUGHTER It was really cute and lovely and when he jumped like that, honestly I thought he was going die.
Yeah, it was great, it was good, but when you finished I looked at a lady in the crowd and she went LAUGHTER Cheers, love.
Thank you very much! Well, I thought it was very sexy.
- Oh, thank you.
- Very.
- Aston, get over to the VIP Bar right now.
- OK.
Get yourself a lovely drink.
Chris, come on over.
You're up next.
Are you going to bring out some moves? I'm going to bring out my version of moves.
Oh, that'll be interesting.
I can't wait to see that.
What's your song? My song is Remix To Ignition by R Kelly.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hitting back, it's Chris Ramsey! Now, usually I don't do this but uh Go head on and break 'em off with a lil' preview of the remix No, I'm not trying to be rude but hey, pretty girl, I'm feeling you The way you do the things you do reminds me of my Lexus coupe That's why I'm all up in yo grill tryna get you to a hotel You must be a football coach the way you got me playing the field So, baby, gimme that toot toot Lemme give you that beep beep Running her hands through my 'fro bouncing on 24s While they say on the radio It's the remix to ignition hot and fresh out the kitchen Mama rolling that body got every man in here wishing Sipping on coke and rum I'm like so what I'm drunk It's the freaking weekend, baby I'm about to have me some fun Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce, bounce Now it's like Murder She Wrote once I get you out them clothes Privacy is on the door still they can hear you screaming more Girl, I'm feeling what you feeling No more hoping and wishing I'm 'bout to take my key and stick it in the ignition So, baby, gimme that toot toot Lemme give you that beep beep Running her hands through my 'fro bouncing on 24s While they say on the radio It's the remix to ignition hot and fresh out the kitchen Mama rolling that body got every man in here wishing Sipping on coke and rum I'm like so what I'm drunk It's the freaking weekend baby I'm about to have me some fun.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You raunchy little thing! Hold on, hold on.
First of all, I'm sorry.
LAUGHTER Did you mean to pull a bloke out of the audience? You know what, when you make eye contact with someone in the crowd, you make eye contact with someone in the crowd.
Genuinely, can we check, cos he might need the morning after pill? LAUGHTER - Aston - Yeah.
Your face dropped, literally dropped.
I He LAUGHTER What about the moves? You've obviously just become a dad, as well, like you said backstage.
- I get it from that.
- Oh! - Dad dancing.
- It was nice.
Yeah? You did practice that.
- Yeah.
- OK, just checking.
LAUGHTER Professor Green, who is in the lead after the first two songs? Erm, I mean, they're both very different performances.
Aston was very on-the-money performance-wise.
I think they're going to have to switch it up a bit.
I'm just going to hedge my bets for Round 2.
Thank you, Professor Green.
So Round 1 is in the bag, but it's still all to play for as these two pull out all the stops.
And by that I mean some clothes are going to be coming off! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle.
So far we've seen Aston bring sexy back.
And Chris Ramsey share a very interesting moment with another man on this very stage.
- How you doing, Chris? You all right? - Great, man.
Feel good, yeah.
I feel whole.
LAUGHTER I felt his hole! LAUGHTER OK, so here we go.
It's time for Round 2.
Chris and Aston are about to go for broke to be crowned tonight's Lip Sync Battle champion! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE First up is Chris and here's how he prepared for tonight.
The journey from comedian to lip-sync star has been a pretty rough one, actually.
I got a call saying, "Do you want to do Lip Sync?" And I said yes.
And that was the journey.
I'm feeling as confident as a Geordie man holding Elton John's dildo can feel.
JLS from The X Factor.
Yeah, they're probably the most successful No, not the most successful band to come from The X Factor.
Probably, like, fifth, sixth, seventh.
Were they the ones that got beaten by a dog? I'm going to take it to a new level.
Right.
- I'll take him with me.
Right, OK, yeah, yeah.
Dead weight, he is, honestly.
He is full of shit, him.
Keep me away from him.
- Keep me away from that - All good? Yeah, man.
Two seconds, yeah.
Sorry, just doing me What a fucking BLEEP he is.
Aston, party's over, sunshine.
You're not through to judges' houses.
You're not through to the live shows.
You're going home on the bus on your own for a lonely posh wank into one of your own condoms.
Fuck you! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE MUSIC: St Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion) by John Parr.
Growin' up you don't see the writing on the wall Passin' by Movin' straight ahead you knew it all But maybe sometime if you feel the pain You'll find you're all alone everything has changed Play the game You know you can't quit until it's won Soldier of Only you can do what must be done You know, in some ways you're a lot like me You're just a prisoner and you're tryin' to break free I can see a new horizon underneath the blazing sky I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher Gonna be your man in motion All I need is a pair of wheels Take me where the future's lying St Elmo's fire Ooh-ooh-ooh Burning up Don't know just how far that I can go Soon be home Only just a few miles down the road And I can make it, I know I can You broke the boy in me But you won't break the man I can see a new horizon underneath the blazing sky I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher Gonna be your man in motion All I need is a pair of wheels Take me where the future's lying St Elmo's fire I can climb the highest mountain cross the widest sea I can feel St Elmo's fire burning in me.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow! What is it with you like gyrating your bits and pieces? Well, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm doing quite well.
LAUGHTER - Anyone want some? - I KNEW it! - What does it say on there? - Aston sucks.
Do you suck? I didn't mean it like that! I did not mean it like that, I swear to God! Aston, give us your comments.
There's a lot going on here, I know.
I mean, that was out of order, whatever that was.
LAUGHTER He could have warned me about that at least, but it's fine.
If that's how we're playing, all right, cool.
Were you trying to teabag Aston? - That was offensive.
- I was trying to teabag this whole studio, mate! That's what '80's rock's all about! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I mean, it was quite Brokeback Mountain.
LAUGHTER If anyone had told me a couple of years ago I'd be presenting a show where a bloke would be wearing that wig, wearing double denim, singing a power ballad up a mountain, I'd have probably hit them.
- Aston, you've got this, right? - Yeah, I've got this one.
Before we see what Aston has in store for us, let's check how he got ready for tonight's Lip Sync Battle.
I've had a lot of experience lip synching, especially in rehearsals.
Training, I've been eating a lot of apples to get wide on the lips.
This is bound to make me the winner.
Shopping trolley, get the shopping trolley out, woo! A lot of people won't actually realise this is a grudge match for me.
Before JLS actually went on to The X Factor and you saw the four-piece, there was five of us.
Chris Ramsey was in JLS.
Obviously I had to make that decision to say, "Chris, you're just not pulling your weight" so I had to let him go.
What a prick.
Fuck him.
I'm very surprised actually he's gone on for a massive career as a comedian, because he was never funny.
Look, I don't want to come back.
I'm doing my own thing now.
- Same.
- I don't want to come back in the band.
What is a back flip, you know? It's arrogant is what it is.
Pathetic.
Here's a flip for you, mate.
How about that? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE MUSIC: Like A Virgin by Madonna I made it through the wilderness Somehow I made it through Didn't know how lost I was Until I found you I was beat Incomplete I'd been had I was sad and blue But you made me feel Yeah, you made me feel Shiny and new Like a virgin Touched for the very first time Like a virgin When your heart beats Next to mine Gonna give you all my love, boy My fear is fading fast Been saving it all for you Cos only love can last You're so fine and you're mine Make me strong Yeah, you make me bold Oh, your love thawed out Yeah, your love thawed out What was scared and cold Like a virgin, hey! Touched for the very first time Like a virgin With your heartbeat Next to mi-i-i-i-ine Whoa-oh-oh-oh.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Aston, come on down.
Come on out of your Martini glass.
Come down from there.
I want to talk to you.
How about THAT, you lot? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE You really seemed like you enjoyed that one too, again, with the ladies, the glass, you had some props.
You had the whole thing like wrapped up.
There were some good looking ladies.
Yeah.
Did you enjoy that? That was mainly for your benefit.
What did I say to you? The aim of this entire show is to get me in trouble when I get home.
Every bloody show! I mean, you were great, yeah.
- What did you think? - It was very impressive, mate, yeah.
- Oh, thanks.
- Really good.
I did enjoy it.
At this point I feel like I've definitely got it in the bag, so I might as well be gracious.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OK, Chris, come and join us over here.
Let's get Professor Green's final thoughts.
I've never been to G-A-Y, but I think G-A-Y has come to me.
LAUGHTER It was very, very entertaining.
I thought you were both really blooming good tonight.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very committed.
Thank you, Professor Green.
So right now it is judgment time.
Let's see if tonight's title goes to Aston or Chris.
Professor Green, the belt, please.
APPLAUSE Now, audience, you are the decision-makers.
You decide who wins by how loud you cheer.
Is the winner Aston Merrygold? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Or is the winner Chris Ramsey? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So the winner and Lip Sync Battle champion is Chris Ramsey! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Even though you didn't win, are you happy you did it? - Oh, look at that! - Definitely.
Very, very happy I did it.
Probably the best show I've done in a very, very long time.
Amazing.
Really great.
Really, really great.
- We're just talking to the loser here.
- Sorry.
Key word: loser.
No-one cares! LAUGHTER Give both our stars a huge applause.
They were amazing.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Make sure you join us for our next Lip Sync Battle.
From me, Professor Green, Chris and Aston, goodnight! Goodnight! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE