Lip Sync Battle UK (2016) s03e03 Episode Script

Joey Essex v Louie Spence

1 MUSIC: 20th Century Boy by T.
Rex Friends say it's fine Friends say it's good Everybody says it's just like rock 'n' roll Well, it's plain to see you were meant for me, yeah I'm your boy Your 20th century toy.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Ladies and gents, you know why we're here and you know who we need to get this party started.
Please make some noise for the sensational, the saucy, the spicy, Mel B! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK.
Well, welcome to Lip Sync Battle UK! CHEERING Now, the game is simple.
Two stars lip-synch two songs and the audience decides who did it best.
The mics may be off, but the battle is definitely on.
CHEERING And here with me as ever is my partner in crime, give it up for Professor Green! CHEERING - How you doing? You all right? - I am.
You know, I'm a bit out of breath today.
I think this audience just took my breath away and so did you.
Ain't that cute? Thank you, Mel.
See, I am I'm not so scary, I'm nice.
- LAUGHTER - Well, whatever.
OK, tonight is not just a matter of pride.
Our two stars are battling it out to get their hands on the biggest prize in showbiz, this: our very own Lip Synch Battle championship belt! CHEERING Now, first up, this is a man known for his good looks, his great hair and his incredible ability to tell the time.
We've dragged him away from the mirror for one night only, it's the reem dream Joey Essex! CHEERING Yes, yes, yes! MEL LAUGHS Up against Joey, we have a man who doesn't usually like to be the centre of attention and might need a little bit of encouragement.
It's the shy and retiring Louie Spence! CHEERING MEL LAUGHS MEL SCREAMS Oh, my God, the fight is already on! Oh, my God! Wait.
Listen, how are you both feeling? - I don't know, but he's a little man - Do you know what? He can't even count to eight, this one.
You need Yeah, but you don't need to count.
This is Lip Sync Battle, mate.
No, you need to count.
- You need to count.
-You don't need to count.
- You need to count to get into rhythm.
- You don't need to count.
It's Lip Sync not Jeremy fucking Kyle.
LAUGHTER - CHEERING - What have we got ourselves in for? Oh, my God! Where's the ? Where's the security? CHEERING Joey, Joey, Joey, are you going to bring it tonight? I'm bringing it.
I'm bringing everything I've got.
You're going to see a different version of Joey Essex tonight, mate.
I am serious.
He's going down and I shouldn't say that to him.
- LAUGHTER - Let's keep it clean.
Keep it clean.
Louie, why do you think that you could win this? Because this is what I do: performing.
You know, this is what I've done all my life.
- I mean this boy can't - This is what you've done? - This is what you've done? - This boy can't tell the time.
I don't need to tell the time.
Who cares about the time? As long as you know what time it is.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
Now, we had to decide who goes first so we had a big dance off backstage, and the biggest dancing queen was - BOTH: Joey.
- LAUGHTER - What does that mean? - So, Joey, you're going first.
You'll find out.
Louie, get yourself to the VIP bar right now.
OK, Joey, what song have you chosen? I've chosen No Scrubs, TLC.
What?! - CHEERING - Oh, off you go, then.
Off you go.
Keeping things all types of clean with No Scrubs, it's Joey! CHEERING MUSIC STARTS Oh A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly And is also known as a busta Always talkin' about what he wants And just sits on his broke ass So, no, I don't want your number No, I don't wanna give you mine And, no, I don't wanna meet you nowhere No, I don't want none of your time And, no, I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hangin' out the passenger side Of his best friend's ride Trying to holla at me I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hangin' out the passenger side Of his best friend's ride Trying to holla at me Well, a scrub checkin' me But his game is kinda weak And I know that he cannot approach me Cos I'm looking like class And he's looking like trash Can't get with a deadbeat ass So, no, I don't want your number No, I don't wanna give you mine And, no, I don't wanna meet you nowhere No, I don't want none of your time No, I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hangin' out the passenger side Of his best friend's ride Trying to holla at me I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hangin' out the passenger side Of his best friend's ride Trying to holla at me.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wowzer! Well, well, well.
So the shirt came off.
- Oh, that hurt, slut drop.
- LAUGHTER Louie, what are you thinking of this that you're seeing right here? - Jesus.
- Oh.
LAUGHTER That delivery, Joey, that ain't even fair! CHEERING Now, I have to ask you a question.
- Do you think you've scrubbed out the competition? - I mean, I don't know.
Like, Louie Spence is a professional dancer.
So, at the end of the day, he could scrub me down.
He probably would love to scrub me down.
- CHEERING - I scrub better than you, man.
Look at you with your skinny little arse.
Control yourself, both of you.
Pro Green? Don't get me involved in this.
I was quite uncomfortable with the fact he was gyrating up against my podium.
Now, you know, Scrubs, the song, would you give him your number? - A fake one.
- LAUGHTER Well, we loved it, didn't we? CHEERING And I think that you deserve a drink, - so get yourself off to that bar.
- Thank you.
- Louie, you're up! Come on.
- Oh, am I up? - Yes, you're up.
You're up next.
- Sorry.
- Go on, show them what you've got.
- So Well, I nearly did after that performance! So, what song are you going to sing for us? I'm going to sing a bit of old school Rapper's Delight.
OK, hoping to 'rap' us round his little finger with Rapper's Delight, it's Louie! - Come on! - CHEERING MUSIC STARTS I said a hip hop, the hippie The hippie to the hip, hip hop And you don't stop The rock it to the bang bang boogie Say up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat Now, what you hear is not a test I'm rapping to the beat And me, the groove, and my friends Are gonna try to move your feet See, I am Wonder Mike And I'd like to say hello To the black, to the white The red and the brown The purple and yellow But first, I gotta bang, bang the boogie to the boogie Say up jump the boogie to the bang bang boogie Let's rock, you don't stop Rock the rhythm that'll make your body rock Well, so far you've heard my voice But I brought two friends along And next on the mic is my man Hank Come on, Hank, sing that song Check it out, I'm the C-A-S-AN, the O-V-A and the rest is F-L-Y You see, I go by the code of the doctor of the mix These reasons I'll tell you why You see, I'm six foot one and I'm tons of fun And I dress to a T You see I got more clothes than Muhammad Ali And I dress so viciously I got bodyguards I got two big cars That definitely ain't the whack I got a Lincoln Continental and a sunroof Cadillac So after school, I take a dip in the pool Which is really on the wall I got a colour TV so I can see the Knicks play basketball Hear me talking 'bout chequebook, credit cards, more money Than a sucker could ever spend But I wouldn't give a sucker or a bum from the Rucker Not a dime till I made it again Everybody go.
That was pretty full-on.
Oh, my God, the censor that! WOLF WHISTLES - MEL LAUGHS - That was That was proper.
- Now, are you pleased with how that went? - Proper unnecessary.
I had to dig deep for testosterone there, but I knew I had it.
And, yeah, you know, I thought, like, I knocked it out.
- Yeah.
- That wasn't bad, do you know what I mean? CHEERING Joey, Joey, Joey, were you delighted by Louie's performance? Yeah, it was all right.
All right, well, on a scale from one to ten, how confident are you about your next performance, round two? Oh, I don't know.
I mean, look, like I say, again, - like, Louie, he's a professional dancer - I just wanted a number.
- What? - I just wanted a number from one to ten.
Are you trying to say ? - No! From one - Never mind! Never mind, never mind.
I told you he couldn't count at the beginning of the fucking show! - CHEERING - OK, listen.
It's time for a break now, but do not go anywhere because coming up, our stars get a reality check as they pull out all the stops and try to get their hands on that belt in round two of tonight's Lip Sync Battle UK! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle UK.
Now, so far tonight, Joey has given us some TLC.
And we saw Louie Spence rapping not words I ever thought I would say on television.
Time now for round two.
First to take the stage is Joey.
Now, let's take a look at how he got ready for tonight's show.
Did it go without a hitch? Apparently it went really, really well.
Really? - Yeah.
- Let's see.
Plumbing, I mean, there's not a sink that I can't change.
There's just one thing that really bugs me.
You know the U-bend? I just can't get my head round them.
MAN: Joey, you know it's actually Lip Synch Battle, so like singing, miming, you know, to songs.
I'm fuming.
Like, I've actually got a certificate that I'm a qualified plumber.
- What you saying, Joey? You all right? - What you saying? You all right, mate? I know Louie very well.
He comes across very confident, but inside, he's just a little pussy.
- I don't know, you're getting in my - You've got to be able to count.
- Listen, yeah - Five, six, seven, eight.
Louie one, two, none.
I really want to win this.
I'm not going to sit here and say I don't.
I really want to win that belt.
This is Louie's room.
He's going to come back any second as well.
All his little toys.
Oi, get me out of here.
HE LAUGHS Oi, mate, if that was my room, I would be pissed off, me.
Fuming, bruv.
Oi, don't tell me yous ain't told me this is my room.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE COIN JANGLES MUSIC: Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson As he came into the window Was a sound of a crescendo He came into her apartment He left the bloodstains on the carpet She ran underneath the table He could see she was unable So she ran into the bedroom She was struck down It was her doom Annie, are you OK? So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? Annie, are you OK? So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? Annie, are you OK? So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? Annie, are you OK? So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? Annie, are you OK? Will you tell us that you're OK? There's a sound at the window Then he struck you A crescendo, Annie He came into your apartment Left the bloodstains on the carpet And then you ran into the bedroom You were struck down It was your doom Annie, are you OK? So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? Annie, are you OK? So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? - Annie, are you OK? - CHEERING So, Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? You've been hit by You've been hit by a Smooth Criminal.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I mean Can I just say Can I just say I am really genuinely impressed? Like, literally.
You had the move coming out.
And you did the lean and everything.
Yeah, man.
Got that going down, man.
OK, Louis.
Louis, the truth.
The proper real truth.
If I've got to give you the proper real truth, I mean, I've got a tough battle.
I wasn't expecting that from Joey Essex.
- I really wasn't.
- Nor was I.
LAUGHTER He pulled out his trump card! - Pro Green, what was your take? - Do you know what? I had a little joke all prepared about how his Smooth Criminal was a bit rough around the edges but it weren't.
You're going to have a very hard time just beating him.
Joey, go and join Louis at our VIP bar.
Well done.
- Louis - Yes? You've got to beat that but before we do, let's see what you've got planned for us and let's take a look at your very lucky preparations for tonight.
Yeah, right.
This is Louis Spence reporting for duty.
I am taking this 100% serious.
This could be the pinnacle of my career.
I was born with a thing called dancer fever.
It's just involuntary dance moves.
I can't stop it.
I didn't even want to be a dancer.
I wanted to be an accountant.
- Who did you say I'm up against? - It's Joey Essex.
Joey Essex! A complete utter idiot.
I am the queen of Pineapple Dance Studios.
He can't even spell pineapple.
He is a pineapple.
Sorry, it's the dancer fever coming on.
My costume is fantastic so you know I've really made sure that I've upped my game there.
Because I'm sure Joey's stuff is going to be absolute crap.
Why are you dissing me already, bro? - No, Joe, Joe - I do stuff like that! I didn't mean it like that, Joe.
Do you know I'm saying? You can't do shit.
Stop throwing pixie dust at me as well.
You're pissing me off.
- Stop doing that, bro.
- I mean, come on.
Joey Essex is so stupid, if you gave him a penny for his thoughts he would give you change back.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE MUSIC: I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston Oh, yeah Ah Oh, yeah Ah-ah Yeah I wanna dance Clock strikes upon the hour And the sun begins to fade Still enough time to figure out How to chase my blues away I've done all right up till now It's the light of day that shows me how And when the night falls The loneliness calls Oh, I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody With somebody who loves me Oh, I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah, wanna dance with somebody With somebody who loves me CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh, my gosh! Louis, Louis, Lou, Lou.
So this is your outfit.
You just happen to have this outfit lying around.
Well, the shoes are mine.
LAUGHTER - The shoes are mine but it's a designer outfit.
- It looks designer.
And the hair is mine.
Joey, I mean, thoughts? It was good.
It was amazing.
Well done.
And I love your hair.
- Cheers, Joe.
- I liked it.
I loved all that thing and that.
Loved that, man.
Pro Green, two amazing lip syncs but was Joey's criminally good enough? Or do you just want to dance with Lou-Lou here? I don't know.
It's difficult, innit? Louis is a performer.
I would expect the performance to be good but I think Joey really, really brought it tonight.
It is very, very close.
I think so too.
I really do.
Well, it all comes down to this.
Let's see who will be crowned Lip Sync Battle Champion tonight.
Joey, come and join us.
And, Professor Green, the belt, please.
Here we go.
Are you ready? So we have heard what Pro Green thinks but it is up to you, the audience, to decide.
So is the winner Joey? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Or is the winner Louis? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That is really close.
I really want you to scream for the one who you think is the winner.
Is it's Joey? CHEERING Or is the winner Louis? CHEERING So you lot have decided, the Lip Sync Battle Champion is Joey! Louis, I mean, I know it is all fun and games and stuff but are you a little bit devo? Well, I mean, the truth is, you know, Joey has won the gold so I am a bit pissed but, do you know what, I thought he was fantastic.
That was nice.
And now you have got the belt round your neck.
How do you feel? I never thought I would be able to pull it off myself so it is ridiculous, really.
I can't even believe I could actually pull off Michael Jackson even one move yet alone all of them.
You did all the moves, it was great, right? But, you know what, that is all we've got time for tonight but we will be back next week for our next Lip Sync Battle UK.
And until then, it is bye from me.
And bye from me.