Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e12 Episode Script
Pants on Fire
Whoa! Wait up! I can't keep up pace.
Hey, look, to be fair, I was the one going for a run.
You followed.
You're wearing jeans.
What's with this rink anyway? Why is it closed? How should I know? - You're a reporter.
- An investigative reporter.
Well then, investigate this.
Why do we have a rink that no one can actually use? I prefer human interest stories.
God, I remember my childhood, Saturday mornings at the rink.
Yeah, me too.
The tights, the glitter, practise my camel spins.
Mom wanted a girl.
Can we just change the subject? You should really look into this.
The kids in this town deserve a real hockey rink.
Don't you think it's time somebody got behind that? - For the kids? - That's a great idea! "Imam vows to restore town rink for the kids"! I never said that.
Amaar, if it wasn't true, I don't think it'd be in the paper.
Season 4 Episode 12 Pants on Fire I've said it before and I'll say it again, we need more promotionicity.
I don't care if you use it in a sentence.
That is not a word.
And how did you get so many letters? It's possible I was cheating.
- How possible? - Verylicious.
Oh, hey, Sarah, there you are.
We, uh, need to talk about my grout.
- I'll take care of this.
- Gotcha.
Wait, why are you talking to Fred about grout? Oh, look, you can make "qrzlntr"! Doh! I should have seen that! Yeah.
Fred - I can't talk reno right now.
- Yeah, but I'm paying you to talk.
- Shhhh! - You know, the customer's always right.
But not here.
I told you to come to Hamoudi Construction.
- Well, what's the diff? - Well, I promised Ann that I would quit the construction biz once I finished the church.
Yeah, but you've been done for a week.
But she doesn't know that.
Oh-h.
So if Popowicz found out you've been redoing Freddy's porcelain palace, - she'd be ticked? - She'd be furious! - You don't want her to find out? - Absolutely not! Well, your secret's safe with me.
- Oh, I'm so glad you understand.
- Just like you'll understand when I ask you to knock That's blackmail! No, no, no, no, this is blackmail: - 20%.
- 20? You drive a hard bargain.
"Qrzlntr".
Oh-h! - Hey, are you cheating? - Yeah.
I can't save the rink.
You have to print a retraction.
Relax.
It's one story.
It doesn't mean anything.
Amaar, it means everything to me that you're fixing up that old rink.
I spent so many happy teenage evenings under those bleachers.
Oh, uh Actually, Mrs.
Wispinski, I was misquoted.
- No, you're not changing your mind! - No, I am not changing my mind.
Oh, thank goodness, because Oh, Mayor! Nn-nnh! Good for you, kiddo! A thought: The Mayor Ann Popowicz Memorial Arena.
Just a suggestion.
Amaar, I see you made the papers.
That's a lot of money you need to raise.
You're going to need some real help.
Are you offering? "Am I offering.
" - This is terrible.
- They love you.
But I can't save the arena.
Then enjoy it while you can.
They'll hate you tomorrow.
I've already planned the front page.
"Imam crushes hopes of Mercy"! - You're a real friend.
- It's good, huh? Okay, Fred, hold your horses.
I'll swing by the office, grab your plans and be right there.
- Right where? - Got to go.
- Nowhere.
- Busy tonight? Of course not.
Why would I be busy? Great! Let's grab dinner.
I can't.
Busy.
Okay, let's do this again.
Are you busy tonight? Oh! Oh, no, I'm not busy-busy, but I'm kind of busy.
In fact, make that pretty busy with a chance of busy-busy.
- Doing what? - Guess.
Is it the church? Good guess.
Nailed it! It's the church.
Oh, that pesky church! Wow, what's left to be done? It has to be - It's complicated.
Really, really, really So I better go.
Church stuff.
Boy, that arena gets fixed up and Bob's your uncle.
No, Obafemi was my uncle.
Bob was his monkey.
So, Bob was your uncle's monkey? Then I'll be a monkey's uncle! That was also Bob.
All of our monkeys were named Bob.
Listen to that.
Thanks to you, everyone's convinced that I'm going to get their arena back.
Look, Amaar, how hard can it be to raise a big whack of money? Really hard.
Yeah, that's what I always found.
Look, I can barely keep the Mosque going.
Do you know how much money it would take - to get the arena going again? - $100,000.
Where did you get that number from? Oh, well, it's what you get when you win this competition.
"Kraft Hockeyville"? Go online, sing Mercy's own praises, and the cheque's in the mail.
This is perfect! Why didn't you mention this before? Hey, it's not my job to put together pieces of information into a cohesive whole.
It's my job to be an investigative journalist.
This is it! We enter this, we actually have a shot.
Excellent! Yeah.
What else do you have planned? Else? Yeah, I mean, you're the hero, right? Isn't he, everybody? Yeah! Yes! I mean, you must have something else up your sleeve? Are you kidding? This is Amaar we're talking about.
He's going to come up with something extra special to knock their socks off.
Ooh, extra special! Hmmm! Stop helping.
I know, Fred, I know, I am on my way.
No, I can't move any faster! But these things take weeks.
You're just going to have to find another bathroom.
Well, plan ahead! Surprise! - Ohh! Uh, Ann! - Oh! Oh! Oh, what are you doing here? Couldn't let my bestie starve.
Oh, well, you really shouldn't have.
Why, are you all done here? Oh, no, I was just, um popping to the truck to pick up, um to pick up the the ice scraper.
Oh, don't ask.
That is a bear.
Yeah, I really need you with me - at City Hall.
- Oh If I knew how long this church job was going to drag on, I never would have let you do it! I know, but you did, and that's what I'm doing.
The job you let me do.
So, with your permission Think I could have a little peek? I'd love that, but I'm also doing some re-pewing.
Mainly in the pew area.
You know, you should really wait until the pews are pewed and get the whole pew effect.
You're starting to sound a lot like Yasir.
Well, you know what they say.
I I'm sure you do.
We both do.
Both of us just standing here knowing.
Well, I've got to go to the church, which is, as I've already established, where all the work I have to do is at.
Yep.
Were you there When they crucified my Lord? Were you Sarah? Oh, no, Father.
Sorry, I was pretty busy that day.
Hiding from the Nazis? Yeah, we get that a lot.
No, no, no, I'm just here admiring my work.
There it is.
My work.
Looks good.
Good work, darling! I'll just leave this way.
She's beginning to sound just like Yasir.
So, hiding from the Nazis? No? Does anyone It's "The Sound of Music"! I swear, it's funny.
It's done.
It's all done! the pews are pewed.
But I wouldn't alter the altar.
You know? Come on, now, that was a little funny.
Give me something.
Forgive me, Father, for I have got to go give someone hell.
Hey.
Hey! Someone's happy.
I have finally figured out how we are going to make our campaign stand out.
We are going to shoot our very own movie! Yeah! I've got a camera, so I could be the camera guy.
Great! Now all we need is sound and lights.
Well, my camera has a mike in it, so that takes care of sound.
And we'll only shoot in a room with lights, so that's done.
Also I'm pretty good at hair and makeup.
Like I said, Mom wanted a girl.
Hmm.
This is going to be perfect.
I have always wanted to be a director.
And I always wanted to be an entire film crew! Yeah! -Yeah! -Okay.
Joe, we want you to tell the people of Kraft Hockeyville what hockey means to you.
And - go! - Okay.
Well, hockey means Wait, I'm not shooting.
Okay, now I'm shooting.
Well, hockey means Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't say "go".
Go! Okay.
Well, hockey means No, you're supposed to say "action", - not "go".
- Right.
Ahh, okay.
Action! Okay.
Well, hockey means Uh, I'm sorry, I thought you were going to interrupt me again.
Right, sorry.
It's okay.
Let's start again.
And, go! No Action! Hockey means Ah, just a sec.
Got to change tapes.
What? We just started.
Yeah, but I can't use the rest of the tape.
My high school cheerleading finals are on here.
Mom -- girl.
Amaar, how's your little film going? - Uh, so far, so good.
- They shot nothing.
Right, which means so far, no bad shots.
Amaar, if it was going this badly, why didn't you ask for help? I did.
You laughed at me.
With you, Amaar.
I laughed with you.
- I wasn't laughing.
- Why would you? You're in over your head.
Okay, you know what? - Everyone is counting on me.
- Yes, well, they're counting on someone.
Someone with vision, someone with know-how.
Someone who took a took a film appreciation minor in the seminary.
- Would you like to help? - Direct? I'd love to! All right people, look lively! We've got a masterpiece to shoot here.
And action! Good morning.
Oh, morning.
I bought you a Danish.
Why? Are you feeling guilty about something? Guilty? No, why would I be guilty? I just thought you might like a Danish.
It's strawberry.
You know what I like about strawberries? They don't lie.
Unlike tomatoes.
Vegetable or fruit? Make up your mind, liar! Am I alone here? Are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me? No, why? Who told you that? Was it Fred? It was Fred.
He's a liar.
He lies all the time.
He can't stop himself.
It's sad, really.
What's this got to do with Fred? Oh, phew! So it's not that.
- It's not what? - Not nothing.
So it's something! I knew it! It's always something! Look, if you're trying to suggest the church reno is long since over and I've been using my time to do renovations for other people, I resent it! I'm not saying that.
Oh, good.
Can we pretend I didn't? Pack up your desk.
You're fired.
Ahh! I can't believe she fired you.
I know.
I am so mad, I could quit! After all I did for her! Well, you did lie to her.
Nothing she hasn't done Oh, man, I would like to walk in her office and quit.
"I quit!" "What?" "Choke on that.
I quit!" "Oh, but I never thought you'd quit!" "Oh, I quit, baby.
Sweet revenge!" You do know you've been fired, right? Hmm.
Which makes my revenge so very un-sweet.
It's the rhubarb of my revenge.
Hamoudi, be at my place at 6:00.
I want that bathroom fit for a king.
It's a two-piece.
King of Burkina Faso.
It's a small country.
Get a globe! Oh, forget it, Fred.
Oh, really? Well, then I guess I'll just have to tell the Mayor a little something.
She already knows! That's right, Fred.
I'm done with you.
But my bathroom's all torn up.
What man would want that now? Oh, you want me to finish it? I'm marking it up 10%.
That's blackmail.
No, this is blackmail: - 20%! - But, but Fred, your "but" is showing.
Nope? No one? Mom, Mom, maybe you should just go and apologize to the Mayor? Oh, that's brilliant! Then she has to give me my job back.
Exactly.
Then I will have the brilliant satisfaction of quitting on her.
"I quit.
"I quit.
"I quit! "How do you like that? Not much? Then I quit!" What? Okay, if I'm not the director and I'm not cameraman, uh, what am I? Ah, you can be the producer.
Yeah, I've never really understood what a producer does exactly.
Well, if the director's the guy who doesn't really do anything, then the producer's, like, director squared.
Yeah.
Hey, there's my little star! Who's the kid? Oh, that's Dylan.
He'll be playing the part of Billy.
You hired an actor? Ah, he works for peanuts.
Well, not literally, he has an allergy.
Yeah, I thought this was supposed to be a documentary.
Picture it: Billy, small town boy with dreams of playing hockey in the NHL.
The only thing stopping him? His town needs 100 grand to renovate their rink.
What do you think? Be brutal.
This isn't a documentary any more.
There is no Billy in Mercy! Amaar, don't be so literal.
Billy represents every boy who has a dream.
Now, look, the community has put their faith in you.
Do you really want to let them down? No, of course not.
Then trust me.
He does.
Fatima, give me a fudge sundae.
Extra fudge.
And nuts! Lots of them.
Aren't you going to ask me what's wrong? You fired your best friend and now you're upset.
You're good.
Yeah, she was my best friend.
Not any more.
She lied.
I can't trust her.
You lie all the time.
That's not true! That will be $3.
I left my wallet at the office.
Isn't that your wallet? Damn.
You know, I'd rehire her.
She wouldn't come back.
Oh, I believe she would.
Fred, how long have you been sitting there? Well, let's just say I'm 20 minutes older, So, about 20 minutes.
Did Sarah say something? Oh, she said something.
Said she wanted her job back.
Really? She doesn't care that she was fired? Oh, she cares.
The only reason she wants her job back is so she can quit.
What? Oh, she'll pay for this.
That'll teach Sarah to blackmail a blackmailer.
And it'll teach me to tick off the only contractor for miles.
Wow, I really didn't think this one through.
Hmm.
Let me help you, son.
Boy, mister, it sure would be easier to get better at hockey if this rink had some ice.
A boy can dream, Billy.
A boy can dream.
And, cut! Nailed it.
Okay, we're going to go once more, for you.
Ah, now, it's coming from here.
But I need it to come from here.
All right? Child actors Ah-ha, Mr.
Producer, glad you could join us.
Any thoughts? Yeah.
Just one.
This whole story's a lie.
Amaar! Sorry, take five.
Amaar, even Jesus spoke in parables.
It brings a greater truth to the light.
You're not Jesus.
Of course not.
He had a budget.
Now, look, just wait till the community sees what I've done.
I think they'll be pleasantly surprised.
All right, everybody, get set for take two.
Who are you talking to? Quiet on set.
Ready? Reverend Thorne, thank you for all you've done for Mercy.
You're amazing.
You're welcome, Billy.
But I'm just a man, not a God.
Never forget that.
If I only had one wish, besides $100,000, a visit from "Hockey Night In Canada", and an NHL exhibition game, I'd wish for everyone in small towns were as awesome as you.
Me too, Billy.
Me too.
Well, that's it.
My vision, God's truth.
A work of timeless beauty.
But enough of my thoughts.
What do you people think? Anyone? All I can say is "Wow".
Yes, I knew you'd like it.
She didn't say "like", she said "wow".
Close enough.
That was terrible.
And that is not constructive criticism.
Destructive criticism is the only kind suitable for that disgrace.
Uh-huh.
Anyone else? Your movie blows.
Ouch.
Well, sounds like people don't like your film, Amaar.
I know, it My film? Yeah, you're the producer.
What do you intend to do? Me? Yes, Amaar, remember the headlines.
You vowed to save our arena.
That is what you said, Amaar.
Ann, we need to talk.
I know, I know.
- I overreacted.
- You did? Absolutely.
So you made one little mistake? - You're only human.
- Really? So, you're saying I'm rehired? I am saying it loud and clear.
- You are rehired.
- Officially? Totally.
Then let me tell you a little something, something I should have told you a long time ago.
- I - You're fired.
What? I - Wait, that's not fair.
- Isn't it? - Sorry, you're rehired.
- Oh, good, because you ought to know - that I - You're fired.
- What? Stop that! - Stop what? - You're rehired.
- Stop saying that I - Wait a minute.
- You're fired.
You can't do that.
Oh, I think I can.
You're hired.
You're fired.
You're hired.
You're fired.
- I quit! - No, you can't quit after you've been fired.
You can only quit after you've been rehired.
- But I - You're fired.
Reverend, can we, uh get a few words? Really? You're back to this idea? Interviews? What's wrong with it? What's right with it? It's going pretty well.
I gave you a singular vision.
Now you're left with a bunch of people who can't even agree if the Earth is flat, let alone what Mercy means to them.
That's it! That's our movie! You think that none of them are right about Mercy.
But what if they all are? Let's roll.
Ah, for the record, I want my name off the credits.
There are no credits.
I can't believe she fired you - again! - I know! I am so mad I could quit! Didn't you already have this conversation? You must be so mad.
Furious.
After all these years, how could she be so cold? - Ruthless.
- Cruel.
- Inhuman.
Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about! Or, she was.
Oh, I miss her so much.
Then you shouldn't have lied to her.
But you lie all the time! Sure, I lie.
I cheat.
Sometimes I steal, but only really pretty things.
But you don't.
You're honest.
You're decent.
That's why you're my best friend.
You complete me.
Okay, I stole that.
I-I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry I fired you.
Would you consider coming back? Of course! I quit.
- Wha! - Oh I just had to get that in.
Not really! Well, um we think you'll like the new version.
I hope so.
I'd hate to see you disappoint the whole community again.
Yeah, start the movie already! All right.
Mercy is my café.
Mercy is my cross.
Mercy is my mosque.
Mercy is my field! Mercy yes.
Mercy is best friends.
Mercy is me.
Mercy is our home.
Oh, wasn't that Oh, look away.
It's allergy season.
My my eyes are watering.
So you liked it? They really liked it! So, Amaar well done! Your film is great.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven
Hey, look, to be fair, I was the one going for a run.
You followed.
You're wearing jeans.
What's with this rink anyway? Why is it closed? How should I know? - You're a reporter.
- An investigative reporter.
Well then, investigate this.
Why do we have a rink that no one can actually use? I prefer human interest stories.
God, I remember my childhood, Saturday mornings at the rink.
Yeah, me too.
The tights, the glitter, practise my camel spins.
Mom wanted a girl.
Can we just change the subject? You should really look into this.
The kids in this town deserve a real hockey rink.
Don't you think it's time somebody got behind that? - For the kids? - That's a great idea! "Imam vows to restore town rink for the kids"! I never said that.
Amaar, if it wasn't true, I don't think it'd be in the paper.
Season 4 Episode 12 Pants on Fire I've said it before and I'll say it again, we need more promotionicity.
I don't care if you use it in a sentence.
That is not a word.
And how did you get so many letters? It's possible I was cheating.
- How possible? - Verylicious.
Oh, hey, Sarah, there you are.
We, uh, need to talk about my grout.
- I'll take care of this.
- Gotcha.
Wait, why are you talking to Fred about grout? Oh, look, you can make "qrzlntr"! Doh! I should have seen that! Yeah.
Fred - I can't talk reno right now.
- Yeah, but I'm paying you to talk.
- Shhhh! - You know, the customer's always right.
But not here.
I told you to come to Hamoudi Construction.
- Well, what's the diff? - Well, I promised Ann that I would quit the construction biz once I finished the church.
Yeah, but you've been done for a week.
But she doesn't know that.
Oh-h.
So if Popowicz found out you've been redoing Freddy's porcelain palace, - she'd be ticked? - She'd be furious! - You don't want her to find out? - Absolutely not! Well, your secret's safe with me.
- Oh, I'm so glad you understand.
- Just like you'll understand when I ask you to knock That's blackmail! No, no, no, no, this is blackmail: - 20%.
- 20? You drive a hard bargain.
"Qrzlntr".
Oh-h! - Hey, are you cheating? - Yeah.
I can't save the rink.
You have to print a retraction.
Relax.
It's one story.
It doesn't mean anything.
Amaar, it means everything to me that you're fixing up that old rink.
I spent so many happy teenage evenings under those bleachers.
Oh, uh Actually, Mrs.
Wispinski, I was misquoted.
- No, you're not changing your mind! - No, I am not changing my mind.
Oh, thank goodness, because Oh, Mayor! Nn-nnh! Good for you, kiddo! A thought: The Mayor Ann Popowicz Memorial Arena.
Just a suggestion.
Amaar, I see you made the papers.
That's a lot of money you need to raise.
You're going to need some real help.
Are you offering? "Am I offering.
" - This is terrible.
- They love you.
But I can't save the arena.
Then enjoy it while you can.
They'll hate you tomorrow.
I've already planned the front page.
"Imam crushes hopes of Mercy"! - You're a real friend.
- It's good, huh? Okay, Fred, hold your horses.
I'll swing by the office, grab your plans and be right there.
- Right where? - Got to go.
- Nowhere.
- Busy tonight? Of course not.
Why would I be busy? Great! Let's grab dinner.
I can't.
Busy.
Okay, let's do this again.
Are you busy tonight? Oh! Oh, no, I'm not busy-busy, but I'm kind of busy.
In fact, make that pretty busy with a chance of busy-busy.
- Doing what? - Guess.
Is it the church? Good guess.
Nailed it! It's the church.
Oh, that pesky church! Wow, what's left to be done? It has to be - It's complicated.
Really, really, really So I better go.
Church stuff.
Boy, that arena gets fixed up and Bob's your uncle.
No, Obafemi was my uncle.
Bob was his monkey.
So, Bob was your uncle's monkey? Then I'll be a monkey's uncle! That was also Bob.
All of our monkeys were named Bob.
Listen to that.
Thanks to you, everyone's convinced that I'm going to get their arena back.
Look, Amaar, how hard can it be to raise a big whack of money? Really hard.
Yeah, that's what I always found.
Look, I can barely keep the Mosque going.
Do you know how much money it would take - to get the arena going again? - $100,000.
Where did you get that number from? Oh, well, it's what you get when you win this competition.
"Kraft Hockeyville"? Go online, sing Mercy's own praises, and the cheque's in the mail.
This is perfect! Why didn't you mention this before? Hey, it's not my job to put together pieces of information into a cohesive whole.
It's my job to be an investigative journalist.
This is it! We enter this, we actually have a shot.
Excellent! Yeah.
What else do you have planned? Else? Yeah, I mean, you're the hero, right? Isn't he, everybody? Yeah! Yes! I mean, you must have something else up your sleeve? Are you kidding? This is Amaar we're talking about.
He's going to come up with something extra special to knock their socks off.
Ooh, extra special! Hmmm! Stop helping.
I know, Fred, I know, I am on my way.
No, I can't move any faster! But these things take weeks.
You're just going to have to find another bathroom.
Well, plan ahead! Surprise! - Ohh! Uh, Ann! - Oh! Oh! Oh, what are you doing here? Couldn't let my bestie starve.
Oh, well, you really shouldn't have.
Why, are you all done here? Oh, no, I was just, um popping to the truck to pick up, um to pick up the the ice scraper.
Oh, don't ask.
That is a bear.
Yeah, I really need you with me - at City Hall.
- Oh If I knew how long this church job was going to drag on, I never would have let you do it! I know, but you did, and that's what I'm doing.
The job you let me do.
So, with your permission Think I could have a little peek? I'd love that, but I'm also doing some re-pewing.
Mainly in the pew area.
You know, you should really wait until the pews are pewed and get the whole pew effect.
You're starting to sound a lot like Yasir.
Well, you know what they say.
I I'm sure you do.
We both do.
Both of us just standing here knowing.
Well, I've got to go to the church, which is, as I've already established, where all the work I have to do is at.
Yep.
Were you there When they crucified my Lord? Were you Sarah? Oh, no, Father.
Sorry, I was pretty busy that day.
Hiding from the Nazis? Yeah, we get that a lot.
No, no, no, I'm just here admiring my work.
There it is.
My work.
Looks good.
Good work, darling! I'll just leave this way.
She's beginning to sound just like Yasir.
So, hiding from the Nazis? No? Does anyone It's "The Sound of Music"! I swear, it's funny.
It's done.
It's all done! the pews are pewed.
But I wouldn't alter the altar.
You know? Come on, now, that was a little funny.
Give me something.
Forgive me, Father, for I have got to go give someone hell.
Hey.
Hey! Someone's happy.
I have finally figured out how we are going to make our campaign stand out.
We are going to shoot our very own movie! Yeah! I've got a camera, so I could be the camera guy.
Great! Now all we need is sound and lights.
Well, my camera has a mike in it, so that takes care of sound.
And we'll only shoot in a room with lights, so that's done.
Also I'm pretty good at hair and makeup.
Like I said, Mom wanted a girl.
Hmm.
This is going to be perfect.
I have always wanted to be a director.
And I always wanted to be an entire film crew! Yeah! -Yeah! -Okay.
Joe, we want you to tell the people of Kraft Hockeyville what hockey means to you.
And - go! - Okay.
Well, hockey means Wait, I'm not shooting.
Okay, now I'm shooting.
Well, hockey means Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't say "go".
Go! Okay.
Well, hockey means No, you're supposed to say "action", - not "go".
- Right.
Ahh, okay.
Action! Okay.
Well, hockey means Uh, I'm sorry, I thought you were going to interrupt me again.
Right, sorry.
It's okay.
Let's start again.
And, go! No Action! Hockey means Ah, just a sec.
Got to change tapes.
What? We just started.
Yeah, but I can't use the rest of the tape.
My high school cheerleading finals are on here.
Mom -- girl.
Amaar, how's your little film going? - Uh, so far, so good.
- They shot nothing.
Right, which means so far, no bad shots.
Amaar, if it was going this badly, why didn't you ask for help? I did.
You laughed at me.
With you, Amaar.
I laughed with you.
- I wasn't laughing.
- Why would you? You're in over your head.
Okay, you know what? - Everyone is counting on me.
- Yes, well, they're counting on someone.
Someone with vision, someone with know-how.
Someone who took a took a film appreciation minor in the seminary.
- Would you like to help? - Direct? I'd love to! All right people, look lively! We've got a masterpiece to shoot here.
And action! Good morning.
Oh, morning.
I bought you a Danish.
Why? Are you feeling guilty about something? Guilty? No, why would I be guilty? I just thought you might like a Danish.
It's strawberry.
You know what I like about strawberries? They don't lie.
Unlike tomatoes.
Vegetable or fruit? Make up your mind, liar! Am I alone here? Are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me? No, why? Who told you that? Was it Fred? It was Fred.
He's a liar.
He lies all the time.
He can't stop himself.
It's sad, really.
What's this got to do with Fred? Oh, phew! So it's not that.
- It's not what? - Not nothing.
So it's something! I knew it! It's always something! Look, if you're trying to suggest the church reno is long since over and I've been using my time to do renovations for other people, I resent it! I'm not saying that.
Oh, good.
Can we pretend I didn't? Pack up your desk.
You're fired.
Ahh! I can't believe she fired you.
I know.
I am so mad, I could quit! After all I did for her! Well, you did lie to her.
Nothing she hasn't done Oh, man, I would like to walk in her office and quit.
"I quit!" "What?" "Choke on that.
I quit!" "Oh, but I never thought you'd quit!" "Oh, I quit, baby.
Sweet revenge!" You do know you've been fired, right? Hmm.
Which makes my revenge so very un-sweet.
It's the rhubarb of my revenge.
Hamoudi, be at my place at 6:00.
I want that bathroom fit for a king.
It's a two-piece.
King of Burkina Faso.
It's a small country.
Get a globe! Oh, forget it, Fred.
Oh, really? Well, then I guess I'll just have to tell the Mayor a little something.
She already knows! That's right, Fred.
I'm done with you.
But my bathroom's all torn up.
What man would want that now? Oh, you want me to finish it? I'm marking it up 10%.
That's blackmail.
No, this is blackmail: - 20%! - But, but Fred, your "but" is showing.
Nope? No one? Mom, Mom, maybe you should just go and apologize to the Mayor? Oh, that's brilliant! Then she has to give me my job back.
Exactly.
Then I will have the brilliant satisfaction of quitting on her.
"I quit.
"I quit.
"I quit! "How do you like that? Not much? Then I quit!" What? Okay, if I'm not the director and I'm not cameraman, uh, what am I? Ah, you can be the producer.
Yeah, I've never really understood what a producer does exactly.
Well, if the director's the guy who doesn't really do anything, then the producer's, like, director squared.
Yeah.
Hey, there's my little star! Who's the kid? Oh, that's Dylan.
He'll be playing the part of Billy.
You hired an actor? Ah, he works for peanuts.
Well, not literally, he has an allergy.
Yeah, I thought this was supposed to be a documentary.
Picture it: Billy, small town boy with dreams of playing hockey in the NHL.
The only thing stopping him? His town needs 100 grand to renovate their rink.
What do you think? Be brutal.
This isn't a documentary any more.
There is no Billy in Mercy! Amaar, don't be so literal.
Billy represents every boy who has a dream.
Now, look, the community has put their faith in you.
Do you really want to let them down? No, of course not.
Then trust me.
He does.
Fatima, give me a fudge sundae.
Extra fudge.
And nuts! Lots of them.
Aren't you going to ask me what's wrong? You fired your best friend and now you're upset.
You're good.
Yeah, she was my best friend.
Not any more.
She lied.
I can't trust her.
You lie all the time.
That's not true! That will be $3.
I left my wallet at the office.
Isn't that your wallet? Damn.
You know, I'd rehire her.
She wouldn't come back.
Oh, I believe she would.
Fred, how long have you been sitting there? Well, let's just say I'm 20 minutes older, So, about 20 minutes.
Did Sarah say something? Oh, she said something.
Said she wanted her job back.
Really? She doesn't care that she was fired? Oh, she cares.
The only reason she wants her job back is so she can quit.
What? Oh, she'll pay for this.
That'll teach Sarah to blackmail a blackmailer.
And it'll teach me to tick off the only contractor for miles.
Wow, I really didn't think this one through.
Hmm.
Let me help you, son.
Boy, mister, it sure would be easier to get better at hockey if this rink had some ice.
A boy can dream, Billy.
A boy can dream.
And, cut! Nailed it.
Okay, we're going to go once more, for you.
Ah, now, it's coming from here.
But I need it to come from here.
All right? Child actors Ah-ha, Mr.
Producer, glad you could join us.
Any thoughts? Yeah.
Just one.
This whole story's a lie.
Amaar! Sorry, take five.
Amaar, even Jesus spoke in parables.
It brings a greater truth to the light.
You're not Jesus.
Of course not.
He had a budget.
Now, look, just wait till the community sees what I've done.
I think they'll be pleasantly surprised.
All right, everybody, get set for take two.
Who are you talking to? Quiet on set.
Ready? Reverend Thorne, thank you for all you've done for Mercy.
You're amazing.
You're welcome, Billy.
But I'm just a man, not a God.
Never forget that.
If I only had one wish, besides $100,000, a visit from "Hockey Night In Canada", and an NHL exhibition game, I'd wish for everyone in small towns were as awesome as you.
Me too, Billy.
Me too.
Well, that's it.
My vision, God's truth.
A work of timeless beauty.
But enough of my thoughts.
What do you people think? Anyone? All I can say is "Wow".
Yes, I knew you'd like it.
She didn't say "like", she said "wow".
Close enough.
That was terrible.
And that is not constructive criticism.
Destructive criticism is the only kind suitable for that disgrace.
Uh-huh.
Anyone else? Your movie blows.
Ouch.
Well, sounds like people don't like your film, Amaar.
I know, it My film? Yeah, you're the producer.
What do you intend to do? Me? Yes, Amaar, remember the headlines.
You vowed to save our arena.
That is what you said, Amaar.
Ann, we need to talk.
I know, I know.
- I overreacted.
- You did? Absolutely.
So you made one little mistake? - You're only human.
- Really? So, you're saying I'm rehired? I am saying it loud and clear.
- You are rehired.
- Officially? Totally.
Then let me tell you a little something, something I should have told you a long time ago.
- I - You're fired.
What? I - Wait, that's not fair.
- Isn't it? - Sorry, you're rehired.
- Oh, good, because you ought to know - that I - You're fired.
- What? Stop that! - Stop what? - You're rehired.
- Stop saying that I - Wait a minute.
- You're fired.
You can't do that.
Oh, I think I can.
You're hired.
You're fired.
You're hired.
You're fired.
- I quit! - No, you can't quit after you've been fired.
You can only quit after you've been rehired.
- But I - You're fired.
Reverend, can we, uh get a few words? Really? You're back to this idea? Interviews? What's wrong with it? What's right with it? It's going pretty well.
I gave you a singular vision.
Now you're left with a bunch of people who can't even agree if the Earth is flat, let alone what Mercy means to them.
That's it! That's our movie! You think that none of them are right about Mercy.
But what if they all are? Let's roll.
Ah, for the record, I want my name off the credits.
There are no credits.
I can't believe she fired you - again! - I know! I am so mad I could quit! Didn't you already have this conversation? You must be so mad.
Furious.
After all these years, how could she be so cold? - Ruthless.
- Cruel.
- Inhuman.
Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about! Or, she was.
Oh, I miss her so much.
Then you shouldn't have lied to her.
But you lie all the time! Sure, I lie.
I cheat.
Sometimes I steal, but only really pretty things.
But you don't.
You're honest.
You're decent.
That's why you're my best friend.
You complete me.
Okay, I stole that.
I-I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry I fired you.
Would you consider coming back? Of course! I quit.
- Wha! - Oh I just had to get that in.
Not really! Well, um we think you'll like the new version.
I hope so.
I'd hate to see you disappoint the whole community again.
Yeah, start the movie already! All right.
Mercy is my café.
Mercy is my cross.
Mercy is my mosque.
Mercy is my field! Mercy yes.
Mercy is best friends.
Mercy is me.
Mercy is our home.
Oh, wasn't that Oh, look away.
It's allergy season.
My my eyes are watering.
So you liked it? They really liked it! So, Amaar well done! Your film is great.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven