Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s05e01 Episode Script
The Proposal
Rayyan! - Salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
- I've been looking for you.
- I've been hoping you'd find me.
It's just there's so many people around lately.
Yeah.
But not now.
Now it's just me and you.
Huh.
Things had been pretty crazy.
Yes.
First you were the iman, then you weren't, then you were again.
Then we didn't have a mosque, then we did.
And then you told me you love me.
Yes, and you mentioned something about loving me too.
I did.
I do.
That hasn't changed.
And that's why I have an important question to ask you.
- Rayyan Hamoudi - Baber: Astaghfillurallah! What is going on here? Stop looking at each other like that! I can guess exactly what you are thinking and it is totally inappropriate.
- Avert your thoughts! - Baber, I'm in the middle of something.
And so am I! I am in the middle of the two of you and I am staying right here.
Oh I wish I'd brought my lunch.
- Talk later? - I'd like that.
No, no, no, no, no.
There will be no later, not until you propose.
Which I was about to do.
Ah, but you lost your nerve.
Rayyan can be very, very scary.
- Those eyes? Ugh.
- No, Baber, you ruined the moment.
Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you had Yasir's permission.
Oh, my God Yasir's permission.
I forgot to ask Yasir's permission.
- Things have been so hectic lately - I know.
First I'm the Imam, then I am not the Imam, then you're the Imam, then you told Rayyan that you love her I have to go call Yasir.
So, I hate to say it, Baber, but you're right.
Why does everyone hate to admit that? ( ) Season 5 Episode 1 The Proposal ( ) - Sarah, - Hi.
is this, uh, Yasir's number in Lebanon? Yep.
Oh, I know, the cell service isn't exactly great over there.
They only have one tower and goats keep knocking it over.
All I keep getting is a recording of someone screaming at me in Lebanese.
Yeah, well, Lebanese is pretty much all screaming.
Of course, I've only ever heard Yasir's mother.
Ugh.
Um it's really important.
Ooh, important.
I love important.
- Maybe I can help.
- Well, um - Sarah, you know I love Rayyan, - Mm-hmm.
and if it's okay with you, I want to ask her to marry me.
(Gasp) Oh, Amaar! Oh! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
Oh, I'm so happy for both of you.
That is so romantic! But first, I need Yasir's permission.
Oh, and that is so unromantic.
Well, you know, it's how we do things.
(Sigh) Here, take my phone.
I have a good rate and it might take you a while to get through.
Thanks.
- (Exhalation) - (Dialling beeps) Wow.
Are you going to watch me? This is my office.
- And what if I leave? - I'll follow you.
Right.
Oh! ( ) (Dreary organ ) What do you want? To be back in Toronto dining on steak at Jacobs, but since I'm stuck here for what may be the rest of my natural life, I'll have the grilled cheese.
- Yummy.
- You expect to get service from me? Well, I wouldn't call it service, but you do your best.
You are not welcome in my café.
What? Are you joking? Of course not! If I were joking, I would say "knock knock".
- Who's there? - Not you.
- Get out! - But why? Why? You kicked us out of our mosque! Yes, but I did say I was sorry.
You did? Well, in that case get out! I understand you're upset, but I'm the one who got hurt in the end.
I'm stuck in your terrible town! I'm making things worse, aren't I? Uh, can I get that to go? ( ) Mrs.
Hobbs! Ah! What a relief it is to see a friendly face.
Ah.
Well, I was hoping for a little more friendly, but still, a relief to see a face.
And why would I be friendly with you, Reverend Mister hide in the grass and wait until people come by so you can bite them with your fangs? Are you calling me a snake in the grass? Snake in the grass! Thank you! I could not remember the word.
- (Laughing) The grass Thank you! - (Awkward chuckle) Yes, that's what you are, you are a snake in the grass! But what did I do to you? First you turn us against those nice Muslims, then you kick them out of their mosque, and then you do this! Rev.
Thorne: (On cell video) It can't be! You can't leave me here in this one horse town filled of morons and imbeciles! Go to hell! Oh, God! (Hysterical sobbing) We are not a one horse town.
I'll have you know we have seven horses.
And Buttercup's about to foal! - Who took that footage? - I did.
And I posted it on the YouTube.
So, you just be glad I turned all those comments off.
( ) - It's busy.
- Sarah: Good.
Don't want to miss any of the excitement.
Wait a second, I thought you said this whole permission thing was sexist.
Well, it's exciting and sexist at the same time.
It's like Mel Gibson.
- (Cellphone ringing) Oh! It's ringing! - (Gasp) No it's my phone.
Oh, God, it's Rayyan.
I don't want to talk to her until I sort this out.
- I don't want to ruin the surprise! - I'm on it.
Hello? Oh, hi, Rayyan.
Sure, he's right here.
I'll put him on.
Oh, no, he can't talk.
Well, I-I mean, he can, but, um, he doesn't want to.
Well, no, he he wants to, but he's not here.
No, I am not lying.
Huh! What do you mean you can tell I'm lying? No, you can't.
No, I am not playing with my hair.
Just tell her I'll meet her at Fatima's.
If he were here, he'd tell you he'll meet you at Fatima's.
Uh-oh, I'm going through a tunnel! (Imitating static crackling) (Sigh) She may be on to us.
( ) Ah, Mrs.
Wispinski, I know, I'm late for the church steering committee.
I'm posting my Facebook mea culpa to my flock.
It's cancelled.
Nobody showed up.
What? Well then, the sooner I finish this, the better.
Wait a minute.
What happened to all my Facebook friends? I'm down to Oh, that's terrible.
You know, people can be so unforgiving.
Yes, including you, I see.
They told me you wouldn't be notified.
Ahh, I've been cyber-shunned.
You know, people in this town can really hold a grudge.
But chin up.
Yes, this Sunday's sermon will vindicate me.
- Oh, now, that could work.
- Good.
- If anybody shows up.
- Oh.
Most of my friends said they'd never set foot in Mercy Anglican again.
It's a nightmare! Except my mother's not here.
Well, don't worry, I'll be here.
God bless you.
It's like a train wreck.
I can't look away.
Yeah.
(Exhalation) - Hey, Rayyan.
- Hi.
What's with the goofy smile? Oh, I'm waiting for Amaar.
From the way my mom was lying, I think he's planning something.
Something romantic? I hope so! I've waited for this day for such a long time and I can't believe he's finally going to walk - through that door and - Is Amaar coming here to propose? - Who is coming here to propose? - Well - Amaar.
- Ann! - Don't worry, I'll take care of this.
It's a secret.
Are you saying I cannot keep a secret? What secret? Fatima: Amaar is coming here to propose! He must have finally talked to her father.
Amaar is going to propose! (Mixed gushing congratulations) Well, this isn't how I pictured it.
Don't worry, you won't even know we're here.
Amaar is coming to propose! Baber: I can't believe it! ( ) This is ridiculous.
I still can't get through.
And Rayyan knows something's up.
Because you're a terrible liar.
Well, isn't that a good thing? Yes, it's a good thing not to lie, but if you're going to lie, which I don't recommend, - you should always - Got it.
I will work on my lying.
Look, maybe I should just talk to Rayyan.
And say what? "Would you do me the honour "of allowing me to propose to you once I get permission from your dad in Lebanon?" I have to do something! (Cellphone ringing) Hamoudi Construction.
Oh, hi, Yasir.
Can I call you back? - We're right in the middle of something.
- No, no, no, Sarah! Sarah! Yasir, Yasir, Yasir! Yasir! Salaam aleikum, my dear friend, yes! - Yes, I have been trying to reach you! - (Giggling) I-I'm sure the figs are delicious, look, but Yasir A dry heat? Look, Yasir, I have something important to ask you.
Yasir Hamoudi, can I ask your permission for Rayyan's hand in marriage? Yasir: (Elated yelling on phone) I think that's a yes.
( ) Rev.
Thorne: Amaar, I need your help.
Everything's falling apart.
What a shame.
Got to run.
Of course, I understand.
Why should you, of all people, care? - Exactly.
- (Stammering) Look, what did I do to deserve this? Besides all those things I did.
- So long.
- Ah, ah Will this persecution never end? - Not unless you change.
- Change? Yes, you have to try and become a better person.
Then maybe they'll start to forgive you.
That's right! All I have to do is convince them that I've changed! No! You actually have to change.
You know what? You're hopeless.
Thanks, Amaar! I knew I could count on you.
I've changed.
No (Cheerfully) I've changed! Mm (Solemnly) I've, uh, changed.
That's the one.
( ) How long before Amaar proposes? I can't wait around all day! Then don't wait.
Please, go.
No! No way! This is so romantic.
The handsome guy, the pretty girl.
The air is thick with the smell of (Sniffing) Is that goat curry? This isn't supposed to happen like this.
Don't you worry, I'll take care of it.
All right, everybody, listen up! When Amaar comes in, I don't want anyone looking at this table.
Act naturally, keep your distance.
Don't talk to him.
Don't cheer.
He's coming! Everyone - hide! - Nate, it's not a birthday party.
- Then why did I buy these? - Ugh.
Salaam aleikum, Fatima.
I am not even here.
Okay.
- Hello, Mayor.
- Ignore me, I'm a statue.
(Whispering) Surprise! Rayyan, I have something to ask you.
The most important thing I've ever asked anyone.
Maybe this isn't the best time.
No, it's as good a time as any.
'Cause when you have something like this to say, the last thing you want to do is wait.
Here it comes! Was that out loud? Sorry.
Rayyan, I just got off the phone with your father Which is correct.
I mean, this bill is correct and I shall pay it right now.
And he's as excited as I am.
So, the only thing I need to know is the only thing I've ever really needed to know is Rayyan Hamoudi Shouldn't he be down on one knee? Baber: Muslims don't kneel.
- Why not? - Well, why do you kneel? I don't know, that's a good question.
You know who would know? My mom.
I should call her Rayyan: Stop commenting! Stop interrupting! Just stop it! This is supposed to be the most romantic moment of my whole life and you've ruined it! Various: Oh Rayyan, please! Ray You heard her, you ruined it! ( ) It all happened so fast.
By the time I got out there, she was long gone.
Oh, don't worry, it's not your fault.
I've waited years for this, Sarah.
Why couldn't I wait just a little longer for the perfect moment? It's not too late.
You just have to wait for the next perfect moment to be even perfecter.
Pull out all the stops, put in all the goes.
I've never felt like this before.
You are over- thinking this.
You just have to set the mood and find the right place.
Oh, there is this nice little hill at the west end of town I like to walk to.
Oh Bo-ring.
Come on, Amaar, this is a time to think big.
We need monumental.
We need gargantuan.
- How about dinner? - (Gasp) Perfect.
A big dinner.
A little candlelight, some soft music, and then a really scrumptious dessert.
- And a proposal.
- Right, we'll squeeze that in somewhere.
( ) I thought I told you to get out.
I know.
You're right.
It's what I deserve after what I've done.
Fine.
Here you go.
But that does not mean that I forgive you.
No, nor should you after what I've done to the people of Mercy.
Ugh, my actions were reprehensible.
And so are the things that you did.
Yes.
You know, I-I wouldn't blame people if they never spoke to me again.
Well, I would.
That would make me look bad, because I happen to be talking to you right now.
Oh, Baber, you've taught me the meaning of true religious faith.
And you, Reverend, have taught me - that a man can change.
- Yes.
As long as that man is not me.
God bless you, Baber, you have a heart of gold.
You know, Reverend, it sounds as if you've really changed.
Well, it's all thanks to the power of prayer.
How wonderful! Well, it won't be long till you win back the hearts and minds of Mercy.
Oh, what a fortunate side effect, but clearly not the primary objective of such an obviously penitent man.
Ummm, how long do you think it'll take to, uh, win them back? If you were a betting woman.
Oh, oh, I don't know, uh six months.
A year, maybe two at tops.
Two whole years to win back the lousy hearts and minds of Mercy? No, no, no, t-the that is beyond the pale.
I've been here almost a year as it is, and now two more? (Dismissive laugh) And plus, Mercy years aren't like human years.
No, one year in Mercy is like seven reincarnations in hell! You know, you you're not sounding so changed after all.
I can't do it.
I can't last that long.
(Gasping) I need a drink! I thought you weren't a drinker.
Well, hallelujah! Looks like I've changed after all! ( ) (Giggle) Well, that was a fantastic dinner.
It was.
Just like mother used to make.
And she still does.
Pretend I'm not even here.
In fact, you don't have to pretend.
(Deep breath) This is exciting! I'm really sorry about the other day, it was just all a little bit too much for me.
But, I'm fine now, and I'm ready for anything that you may happen to say or ask.
Good, because tonight, it's just about you and me and Ahem! (Gasp) Okay.
Rayyan the question I want to ask you is the most important question of my life.
And I want to give you the most important answer of mine.
Rayyan Hamoudi, will you (Door opening) (Violin ) will you excuse me? - Sarah.
- What? I thought we agreed no violin.
Oh, but then Betty Sue's schedule opened up.
How could you say no to that face? Watch this.
Betty Sue.
We won't be needing you tonight.
Fine, but I'm keeping the deposit.
Sarah, I know you mean well, but we need some space.
I know, I know, Betty Sue, I know.
- Oh! - Oh, you mean? Oh, right.
I'm sorry.
(Exhalation) - Forget about that.
- Mm-hmm.
It's about you and me Me and you.
It's about us.
Us.
I thought I said you didn't have to play! I'm waiting for my ride.
Well, you could wait outside.
Crepes are ready! It's the perfect moment.
Great! ( ) Not such a perfect moment.
Brothers and sisters, let us talk about our loving God.
Whether he's chasing innocent mortals out of the Garden of Eden as punishment for a refreshing snack or torturing his servant Job to win a capricious bet with the Devil, is it possible that God isn't love? Hmm? Or just that he just doesn't love us? Specifically me.
Communion today will will just be wafers.
There's not much wine left.
(Dreary ) Rev.
Thorne: (Flatly) Peace be with you, et cetera.
God bless if there is a God.
Well, Rev, about your sermon.
A little bleak, wasn't it? Really? I meant to sugar-coat it.
Life isn't that bad.
It's a long, lonely road to a cold, unwelcoming grave.
And then there's the bad days.
Wow.
Look, I know you're a terrible person but maybe you should talk to someone.
Not me.
- Find some friends.
- Friends? I left them behind when Beelzebub's handmaiden banished me here! I mean, where in God's green Mercy will I find another well-educated big city boy who dedicates himself to his faith and Wait wait, that's it.
I've been so blind.
Maybe I'm not alone after all! ( ) "Go to the place - where we saw those shooting stars.
" - Hey! You can't read that.
It's personal.
And oblique.
I mean, who'd understand that? There's someone who will.
Oh-h-h! A little romance, eh, pal? You and I have never been pals.
Which is a shame, really, because we have so much in common.
You kicked me out of the mosque.
And you were kicked out of the mosque by me! You see? So much in common.
You and me.
Amaar! Every time I've trusted you, you've sucker-punched me.
So we got off to a rough start.
So did Jesus and, um Judas? Okay, but Jesus forgave Judas.
- After he was nailed to the cross.
- See? Look at this.
You and me, discussing ideas just like real friends.
Thorne, you and I will never be friends.
You're scheming, you're underhanded, - you're - Manipulative? - manipulative, and everything you say sounds sinister.
Oh, I'll make you my friend if it's the last thing I do.
He's right, that that does sound sinister.
( ) Mom, I just wanted to thank you for that wonderful dinner last night.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Last night was a disaster, - and it's all my fault.
- Oh, it was all of our faults.
Especially Betty Sue.
Oh, I know.
She looks sweet, but she's a dark ride.
I can't believe we got so caught up in trying to create the perfect moment, that we ended up having no moment at all.
I know.
You know, we need a new scheme.
Mom, I'm going to ask him to marry me.
That's a great idea! (Doorbell chiming) How did you think of that? Hundreds of years of Islamic tradition.
Ask him to marry you You know, that's just like "The Bachelorette", except you're not a floozy! And you're going to need a rose.
That was fast.
How did you do that? Change of plan.
I'm going to the gazebo.
Why? I guess I'll find out.
(Suspenseful ) Joe: Mmm! Mm, mmmm Joe? (With mouth full) This is awkward.
I guess these are for you.
Oh thanks.
"The spot we made up after our first fight.
" Where's that? Uh You can keep those.
Mmm! Oh! ( ) "Where you found me when I lost the mosque.
" ( ) Amaar, what is all this? Uh, well, we've been worried so much about creating the right moment, I wanted to remind you of all the moments we have had.
And will have.
Care to join me for a picnic? Oh, I don't need any food.
I just need you.
That's good 'cause, um this is all I have.
Amaar.
(Both exhale) This is the moment I've dreamed about.
For music, cicadas, for mood lighting, the prairie sky.
For ambience, gentle breeze.
I just want to hold you so much.
And I can't wait for the day that we're married and that can finally happen.
So Rayyan Hamoudi, will you marry me? Of course I'll marry you.
( ) ( ) (Deep exhale) Amaar: Dad, yes.
Yes, yes.
Listen, Dad, would you, uh, like to speak to my fiancée? (Elated yelling on phone) I guess that's a yes.
Salaam aleikum.
Mrs.
Hobbs: I had two years ago.
Mine was three.
Oh, I had a year and a half ago.
I thought for sure they had at least ten more years of on again- off again.
Baber: So, that is it! It is mine! I am the closest.
I win the Amaar-Rayyan engagement lottery.
I win absolutely nothing, which is Islamically permissible.
Okay, I'm the mayor.
Next closest, pony-up.
- Come on! - Crap.
Yep, thank you.
- Walaikum assalaam.
- I've been looking for you.
- I've been hoping you'd find me.
It's just there's so many people around lately.
Yeah.
But not now.
Now it's just me and you.
Huh.
Things had been pretty crazy.
Yes.
First you were the iman, then you weren't, then you were again.
Then we didn't have a mosque, then we did.
And then you told me you love me.
Yes, and you mentioned something about loving me too.
I did.
I do.
That hasn't changed.
And that's why I have an important question to ask you.
- Rayyan Hamoudi - Baber: Astaghfillurallah! What is going on here? Stop looking at each other like that! I can guess exactly what you are thinking and it is totally inappropriate.
- Avert your thoughts! - Baber, I'm in the middle of something.
And so am I! I am in the middle of the two of you and I am staying right here.
Oh I wish I'd brought my lunch.
- Talk later? - I'd like that.
No, no, no, no, no.
There will be no later, not until you propose.
Which I was about to do.
Ah, but you lost your nerve.
Rayyan can be very, very scary.
- Those eyes? Ugh.
- No, Baber, you ruined the moment.
Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you had Yasir's permission.
Oh, my God Yasir's permission.
I forgot to ask Yasir's permission.
- Things have been so hectic lately - I know.
First I'm the Imam, then I am not the Imam, then you're the Imam, then you told Rayyan that you love her I have to go call Yasir.
So, I hate to say it, Baber, but you're right.
Why does everyone hate to admit that? ( ) Season 5 Episode 1 The Proposal ( ) - Sarah, - Hi.
is this, uh, Yasir's number in Lebanon? Yep.
Oh, I know, the cell service isn't exactly great over there.
They only have one tower and goats keep knocking it over.
All I keep getting is a recording of someone screaming at me in Lebanese.
Yeah, well, Lebanese is pretty much all screaming.
Of course, I've only ever heard Yasir's mother.
Ugh.
Um it's really important.
Ooh, important.
I love important.
- Maybe I can help.
- Well, um - Sarah, you know I love Rayyan, - Mm-hmm.
and if it's okay with you, I want to ask her to marry me.
(Gasp) Oh, Amaar! Oh! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
Oh, I'm so happy for both of you.
That is so romantic! But first, I need Yasir's permission.
Oh, and that is so unromantic.
Well, you know, it's how we do things.
(Sigh) Here, take my phone.
I have a good rate and it might take you a while to get through.
Thanks.
- (Exhalation) - (Dialling beeps) Wow.
Are you going to watch me? This is my office.
- And what if I leave? - I'll follow you.
Right.
Oh! ( ) (Dreary organ ) What do you want? To be back in Toronto dining on steak at Jacobs, but since I'm stuck here for what may be the rest of my natural life, I'll have the grilled cheese.
- Yummy.
- You expect to get service from me? Well, I wouldn't call it service, but you do your best.
You are not welcome in my café.
What? Are you joking? Of course not! If I were joking, I would say "knock knock".
- Who's there? - Not you.
- Get out! - But why? Why? You kicked us out of our mosque! Yes, but I did say I was sorry.
You did? Well, in that case get out! I understand you're upset, but I'm the one who got hurt in the end.
I'm stuck in your terrible town! I'm making things worse, aren't I? Uh, can I get that to go? ( ) Mrs.
Hobbs! Ah! What a relief it is to see a friendly face.
Ah.
Well, I was hoping for a little more friendly, but still, a relief to see a face.
And why would I be friendly with you, Reverend Mister hide in the grass and wait until people come by so you can bite them with your fangs? Are you calling me a snake in the grass? Snake in the grass! Thank you! I could not remember the word.
- (Laughing) The grass Thank you! - (Awkward chuckle) Yes, that's what you are, you are a snake in the grass! But what did I do to you? First you turn us against those nice Muslims, then you kick them out of their mosque, and then you do this! Rev.
Thorne: (On cell video) It can't be! You can't leave me here in this one horse town filled of morons and imbeciles! Go to hell! Oh, God! (Hysterical sobbing) We are not a one horse town.
I'll have you know we have seven horses.
And Buttercup's about to foal! - Who took that footage? - I did.
And I posted it on the YouTube.
So, you just be glad I turned all those comments off.
( ) - It's busy.
- Sarah: Good.
Don't want to miss any of the excitement.
Wait a second, I thought you said this whole permission thing was sexist.
Well, it's exciting and sexist at the same time.
It's like Mel Gibson.
- (Cellphone ringing) Oh! It's ringing! - (Gasp) No it's my phone.
Oh, God, it's Rayyan.
I don't want to talk to her until I sort this out.
- I don't want to ruin the surprise! - I'm on it.
Hello? Oh, hi, Rayyan.
Sure, he's right here.
I'll put him on.
Oh, no, he can't talk.
Well, I-I mean, he can, but, um, he doesn't want to.
Well, no, he he wants to, but he's not here.
No, I am not lying.
Huh! What do you mean you can tell I'm lying? No, you can't.
No, I am not playing with my hair.
Just tell her I'll meet her at Fatima's.
If he were here, he'd tell you he'll meet you at Fatima's.
Uh-oh, I'm going through a tunnel! (Imitating static crackling) (Sigh) She may be on to us.
( ) Ah, Mrs.
Wispinski, I know, I'm late for the church steering committee.
I'm posting my Facebook mea culpa to my flock.
It's cancelled.
Nobody showed up.
What? Well then, the sooner I finish this, the better.
Wait a minute.
What happened to all my Facebook friends? I'm down to Oh, that's terrible.
You know, people can be so unforgiving.
Yes, including you, I see.
They told me you wouldn't be notified.
Ahh, I've been cyber-shunned.
You know, people in this town can really hold a grudge.
But chin up.
Yes, this Sunday's sermon will vindicate me.
- Oh, now, that could work.
- Good.
- If anybody shows up.
- Oh.
Most of my friends said they'd never set foot in Mercy Anglican again.
It's a nightmare! Except my mother's not here.
Well, don't worry, I'll be here.
God bless you.
It's like a train wreck.
I can't look away.
Yeah.
(Exhalation) - Hey, Rayyan.
- Hi.
What's with the goofy smile? Oh, I'm waiting for Amaar.
From the way my mom was lying, I think he's planning something.
Something romantic? I hope so! I've waited for this day for such a long time and I can't believe he's finally going to walk - through that door and - Is Amaar coming here to propose? - Who is coming here to propose? - Well - Amaar.
- Ann! - Don't worry, I'll take care of this.
It's a secret.
Are you saying I cannot keep a secret? What secret? Fatima: Amaar is coming here to propose! He must have finally talked to her father.
Amaar is going to propose! (Mixed gushing congratulations) Well, this isn't how I pictured it.
Don't worry, you won't even know we're here.
Amaar is coming to propose! Baber: I can't believe it! ( ) This is ridiculous.
I still can't get through.
And Rayyan knows something's up.
Because you're a terrible liar.
Well, isn't that a good thing? Yes, it's a good thing not to lie, but if you're going to lie, which I don't recommend, - you should always - Got it.
I will work on my lying.
Look, maybe I should just talk to Rayyan.
And say what? "Would you do me the honour "of allowing me to propose to you once I get permission from your dad in Lebanon?" I have to do something! (Cellphone ringing) Hamoudi Construction.
Oh, hi, Yasir.
Can I call you back? - We're right in the middle of something.
- No, no, no, Sarah! Sarah! Yasir, Yasir, Yasir! Yasir! Salaam aleikum, my dear friend, yes! - Yes, I have been trying to reach you! - (Giggling) I-I'm sure the figs are delicious, look, but Yasir A dry heat? Look, Yasir, I have something important to ask you.
Yasir Hamoudi, can I ask your permission for Rayyan's hand in marriage? Yasir: (Elated yelling on phone) I think that's a yes.
( ) Rev.
Thorne: Amaar, I need your help.
Everything's falling apart.
What a shame.
Got to run.
Of course, I understand.
Why should you, of all people, care? - Exactly.
- (Stammering) Look, what did I do to deserve this? Besides all those things I did.
- So long.
- Ah, ah Will this persecution never end? - Not unless you change.
- Change? Yes, you have to try and become a better person.
Then maybe they'll start to forgive you.
That's right! All I have to do is convince them that I've changed! No! You actually have to change.
You know what? You're hopeless.
Thanks, Amaar! I knew I could count on you.
I've changed.
No (Cheerfully) I've changed! Mm (Solemnly) I've, uh, changed.
That's the one.
( ) How long before Amaar proposes? I can't wait around all day! Then don't wait.
Please, go.
No! No way! This is so romantic.
The handsome guy, the pretty girl.
The air is thick with the smell of (Sniffing) Is that goat curry? This isn't supposed to happen like this.
Don't you worry, I'll take care of it.
All right, everybody, listen up! When Amaar comes in, I don't want anyone looking at this table.
Act naturally, keep your distance.
Don't talk to him.
Don't cheer.
He's coming! Everyone - hide! - Nate, it's not a birthday party.
- Then why did I buy these? - Ugh.
Salaam aleikum, Fatima.
I am not even here.
Okay.
- Hello, Mayor.
- Ignore me, I'm a statue.
(Whispering) Surprise! Rayyan, I have something to ask you.
The most important thing I've ever asked anyone.
Maybe this isn't the best time.
No, it's as good a time as any.
'Cause when you have something like this to say, the last thing you want to do is wait.
Here it comes! Was that out loud? Sorry.
Rayyan, I just got off the phone with your father Which is correct.
I mean, this bill is correct and I shall pay it right now.
And he's as excited as I am.
So, the only thing I need to know is the only thing I've ever really needed to know is Rayyan Hamoudi Shouldn't he be down on one knee? Baber: Muslims don't kneel.
- Why not? - Well, why do you kneel? I don't know, that's a good question.
You know who would know? My mom.
I should call her Rayyan: Stop commenting! Stop interrupting! Just stop it! This is supposed to be the most romantic moment of my whole life and you've ruined it! Various: Oh Rayyan, please! Ray You heard her, you ruined it! ( ) It all happened so fast.
By the time I got out there, she was long gone.
Oh, don't worry, it's not your fault.
I've waited years for this, Sarah.
Why couldn't I wait just a little longer for the perfect moment? It's not too late.
You just have to wait for the next perfect moment to be even perfecter.
Pull out all the stops, put in all the goes.
I've never felt like this before.
You are over- thinking this.
You just have to set the mood and find the right place.
Oh, there is this nice little hill at the west end of town I like to walk to.
Oh Bo-ring.
Come on, Amaar, this is a time to think big.
We need monumental.
We need gargantuan.
- How about dinner? - (Gasp) Perfect.
A big dinner.
A little candlelight, some soft music, and then a really scrumptious dessert.
- And a proposal.
- Right, we'll squeeze that in somewhere.
( ) I thought I told you to get out.
I know.
You're right.
It's what I deserve after what I've done.
Fine.
Here you go.
But that does not mean that I forgive you.
No, nor should you after what I've done to the people of Mercy.
Ugh, my actions were reprehensible.
And so are the things that you did.
Yes.
You know, I-I wouldn't blame people if they never spoke to me again.
Well, I would.
That would make me look bad, because I happen to be talking to you right now.
Oh, Baber, you've taught me the meaning of true religious faith.
And you, Reverend, have taught me - that a man can change.
- Yes.
As long as that man is not me.
God bless you, Baber, you have a heart of gold.
You know, Reverend, it sounds as if you've really changed.
Well, it's all thanks to the power of prayer.
How wonderful! Well, it won't be long till you win back the hearts and minds of Mercy.
Oh, what a fortunate side effect, but clearly not the primary objective of such an obviously penitent man.
Ummm, how long do you think it'll take to, uh, win them back? If you were a betting woman.
Oh, oh, I don't know, uh six months.
A year, maybe two at tops.
Two whole years to win back the lousy hearts and minds of Mercy? No, no, no, t-the that is beyond the pale.
I've been here almost a year as it is, and now two more? (Dismissive laugh) And plus, Mercy years aren't like human years.
No, one year in Mercy is like seven reincarnations in hell! You know, you you're not sounding so changed after all.
I can't do it.
I can't last that long.
(Gasping) I need a drink! I thought you weren't a drinker.
Well, hallelujah! Looks like I've changed after all! ( ) (Giggle) Well, that was a fantastic dinner.
It was.
Just like mother used to make.
And she still does.
Pretend I'm not even here.
In fact, you don't have to pretend.
(Deep breath) This is exciting! I'm really sorry about the other day, it was just all a little bit too much for me.
But, I'm fine now, and I'm ready for anything that you may happen to say or ask.
Good, because tonight, it's just about you and me and Ahem! (Gasp) Okay.
Rayyan the question I want to ask you is the most important question of my life.
And I want to give you the most important answer of mine.
Rayyan Hamoudi, will you (Door opening) (Violin ) will you excuse me? - Sarah.
- What? I thought we agreed no violin.
Oh, but then Betty Sue's schedule opened up.
How could you say no to that face? Watch this.
Betty Sue.
We won't be needing you tonight.
Fine, but I'm keeping the deposit.
Sarah, I know you mean well, but we need some space.
I know, I know, Betty Sue, I know.
- Oh! - Oh, you mean? Oh, right.
I'm sorry.
(Exhalation) - Forget about that.
- Mm-hmm.
It's about you and me Me and you.
It's about us.
Us.
I thought I said you didn't have to play! I'm waiting for my ride.
Well, you could wait outside.
Crepes are ready! It's the perfect moment.
Great! ( ) Not such a perfect moment.
Brothers and sisters, let us talk about our loving God.
Whether he's chasing innocent mortals out of the Garden of Eden as punishment for a refreshing snack or torturing his servant Job to win a capricious bet with the Devil, is it possible that God isn't love? Hmm? Or just that he just doesn't love us? Specifically me.
Communion today will will just be wafers.
There's not much wine left.
(Dreary ) Rev.
Thorne: (Flatly) Peace be with you, et cetera.
God bless if there is a God.
Well, Rev, about your sermon.
A little bleak, wasn't it? Really? I meant to sugar-coat it.
Life isn't that bad.
It's a long, lonely road to a cold, unwelcoming grave.
And then there's the bad days.
Wow.
Look, I know you're a terrible person but maybe you should talk to someone.
Not me.
- Find some friends.
- Friends? I left them behind when Beelzebub's handmaiden banished me here! I mean, where in God's green Mercy will I find another well-educated big city boy who dedicates himself to his faith and Wait wait, that's it.
I've been so blind.
Maybe I'm not alone after all! ( ) "Go to the place - where we saw those shooting stars.
" - Hey! You can't read that.
It's personal.
And oblique.
I mean, who'd understand that? There's someone who will.
Oh-h-h! A little romance, eh, pal? You and I have never been pals.
Which is a shame, really, because we have so much in common.
You kicked me out of the mosque.
And you were kicked out of the mosque by me! You see? So much in common.
You and me.
Amaar! Every time I've trusted you, you've sucker-punched me.
So we got off to a rough start.
So did Jesus and, um Judas? Okay, but Jesus forgave Judas.
- After he was nailed to the cross.
- See? Look at this.
You and me, discussing ideas just like real friends.
Thorne, you and I will never be friends.
You're scheming, you're underhanded, - you're - Manipulative? - manipulative, and everything you say sounds sinister.
Oh, I'll make you my friend if it's the last thing I do.
He's right, that that does sound sinister.
( ) Mom, I just wanted to thank you for that wonderful dinner last night.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Last night was a disaster, - and it's all my fault.
- Oh, it was all of our faults.
Especially Betty Sue.
Oh, I know.
She looks sweet, but she's a dark ride.
I can't believe we got so caught up in trying to create the perfect moment, that we ended up having no moment at all.
I know.
You know, we need a new scheme.
Mom, I'm going to ask him to marry me.
That's a great idea! (Doorbell chiming) How did you think of that? Hundreds of years of Islamic tradition.
Ask him to marry you You know, that's just like "The Bachelorette", except you're not a floozy! And you're going to need a rose.
That was fast.
How did you do that? Change of plan.
I'm going to the gazebo.
Why? I guess I'll find out.
(Suspenseful ) Joe: Mmm! Mm, mmmm Joe? (With mouth full) This is awkward.
I guess these are for you.
Oh thanks.
"The spot we made up after our first fight.
" Where's that? Uh You can keep those.
Mmm! Oh! ( ) "Where you found me when I lost the mosque.
" ( ) Amaar, what is all this? Uh, well, we've been worried so much about creating the right moment, I wanted to remind you of all the moments we have had.
And will have.
Care to join me for a picnic? Oh, I don't need any food.
I just need you.
That's good 'cause, um this is all I have.
Amaar.
(Both exhale) This is the moment I've dreamed about.
For music, cicadas, for mood lighting, the prairie sky.
For ambience, gentle breeze.
I just want to hold you so much.
And I can't wait for the day that we're married and that can finally happen.
So Rayyan Hamoudi, will you marry me? Of course I'll marry you.
( ) ( ) (Deep exhale) Amaar: Dad, yes.
Yes, yes.
Listen, Dad, would you, uh, like to speak to my fiancée? (Elated yelling on phone) I guess that's a yes.
Salaam aleikum.
Mrs.
Hobbs: I had two years ago.
Mine was three.
Oh, I had a year and a half ago.
I thought for sure they had at least ten more years of on again- off again.
Baber: So, that is it! It is mine! I am the closest.
I win the Amaar-Rayyan engagement lottery.
I win absolutely nothing, which is Islamically permissible.
Okay, I'm the mayor.
Next closest, pony-up.
- Come on! - Crap.
Yep, thank you.