Lodge 49 (2018) s01e04 Episode Script


1 Don't touch it.
It's not an it.
It's a him.
His portrait is on the wall.
Our pal, Wallace Smith, Sovereign Protector, 1959-1962.
[BREATHES SHAKILY] Larry must've known him back in the day.
His mom took over for Wallace.
You don't think Larry knew about all this, do you? If he did, he sure as hell never told me about it.
This guy was trying to make gold! [CHUCKLES] And what's what's the "True" Lodge? I don't know.
Larry mentioned it once.
[YAWNING] Well, try him again.
I did.
And he's still not picking up.
There he is! - You look terrible.
- Thanks.
Aw, don't worry about it.
None of us got any sleep, bro.
Blaise here gave us one of his "supplements," and we took a walk on the beach.
[LAUGHS] I can't remember the last time I stayed up until the sunrise.
Last night was the craziest shit I've ever seen.
- [LAUGHTER] - ERNIE: Um I need to show you guys something.
Et in Arcadia ego.
What did you say? I said this is the craziest shit I've ever seen! [LAUGHS] [BIRDS CHIRPING] [SIGHS] KELLY: Right now, 100 degrees in Bakersfield, 108 out in Palm Desert, 78 in Santa Barbara, 79 in San Diego, and 79 degrees in Long Beach.
Looks like we got a beautiful Sunday ahead of us.
Now get out there and enjoy it! MAN: Okay, thanks, Kelly.
We'll give it our best.
Now, here is Blake with a look at sports.
Dated 17th July, 1962 "To my fellow Lynx, I, Wallace Smith, have completed the Magnum Opus.
Like our founder, Harwood Fritz Merrill, I have aligned the stars and built a bridge to the True Lodge.
" The True Lodge? Eventually, he gets to the part where he decides to drink a bottle of formaldehyde.
And that's how he turned into a mummy? No, that's what killed him.
The body's preserved because he hermetically sealed this room.
We're standing in a time capsule.
Finally, "I've sold my Plymouth and donated my tap-and-die set to the metal shop at Long Beach Millikan High School.
I cannot use these where I'm going.
" A freakin' mummy.
Actually, it's not a mummy.
Uh, it's a "reliquum corpus" the body that remains after the soul moves on.
SCOTT: Hello? - It's Scott.
- Who's up there?! Shit.
- So he killed himself.
- Yeah no.
I mean, I don't think that's what he thought he was doing.
Total nut case.
All right, I'll call it in.
No, you can't.
We have to take an inventory.
Everything he did in this room, he did with a purpose.
This is an alchemical text.
Wha? Are you kidding me?! There is a procedure.
LBPD, they'd make a report, and then the coroner comes - and they take the body.
- Shouldn't we call Larry? - I've been trying.
- Hey, hey! I'm the only one qualified to handle this.
Besides, Larry said to call only if it was an emergency.
Oh, I think finding a mummy qualifies.
Reliquum corpus.
- Mummy.
Who cares? - I care! I care! I found him.
I was supposed to find him.
You know, my oath is sealed, my path is waiting.
- Let me by, man.
- Okay.
Calm down.
[ALL GASP] - Oh.
- Okay.
- E-E-Easy.
- Close your mouth.
- Ow.
- Wow.
- Okay, all right.
- Easy, easy.
- It's in your mouth.
- You're okay.
All right.
- Oh, oh.
- [GAGS] You're okay.
No, you're not.
No, you're not.
No, you're not.
Go, go, go! Your Squire has lost his mind.
We've got to get this thing out of here.
Hey, listen, a hundred Scouts are about to arrive.
We can't have a coroner wheeling a body out in front of them.
The dude's been here since the Kennedy administration.
A few more hours won't make a difference.
I've made a decision.
Blaise, do whatever you want to do.
I will take care of the breakfast.
After that, this situation will be legally processed with the utmost discretion.
Now, come on, we can't have the Lodge's name associated with this loony stuff.
So, until then, not a word about the mummy.
It's not a mummy! [MOANS] [TOILET FLUSHES] [BREATHING HEAVILY] - Not here.
- Talk to me.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
I didn't know what to do.
I thought I scared you off.
What? No.
Ernie, God, no.
The perfect Saturday I know.
I was disappointed, too.
It's not just being disappointed.
It's about time.
I'm running out of Saturdays, and I want to spend the rest of them with you.
Is that an ultimatum? I'm just telling you how I feel.
If that's an ultimatum, so be it.
Ernie there's a lot I want to tell you I'm sorry.
It's all too much right now.
Scott, my job I think we need a break.
I got some of it in my mouth.
Or him.
I got Wallace in my in my mouth.
Whoa! [CHUCKLES] - Jesus.
- Connie [DOOR CLOSES] [Birds [DOOR SLAMS] [SIGHS] Hey.
Hey! We got a major problem, people.
There's no pancake mix! Now, last time I checked, we had tons of boxes.
Ernie, you knew the breakfast was comin' up.
You are "in charge.
" Why didn't you stock up? I forgot.
You need to go to Smart and Final.
Right now.
I'll be back in a flash.
- Thank you.
You know what we should do? We should We should go get Larry.
And And he can tell us about Wallace Smith.
He can can tell us about the True Lodge.
[QUIETLY] But the pancake mix Okay, yeah.
Good idea.
I'll stop by his house.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? I'm gonna come with you.
It's It's my path.
Let me handle this.
You just help out here.
[GROANS] Ernie.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] [SIGHS] - [ENGINE SPUTTERS] - AUDIO BOOK: Stone put the gun to Pavel's head.
"Tell me the truth, you Magyar son of a bitch!" [STARTER CLICKING, ENGINE SPUTTERING] [STARTER CLICKING, ENGINE SPUTTERING] Buckle up, man.
It's gonna be a wild ride.
Where is it? Uh, there's no belt on that side.
What is it about the light on Sundays, huh? It's brighter, but more empty.
[ENGINE STARTS] Sundays are haunted.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER] I can't give you tables.
Please, I need to work.
It's not even noon, and I'm going bonkers.
- Why? - Because I have an incredible work ethic.
I'm what America is all about, okay? So, just give me some tables.
Liz, we're we're staffed.
It would be unfair to everybody else.
If I can't work, I'll enjoy the Sunday Spirits Special.
Why are you double-clutching? To match the revs of the gears.
Hey, can you get the [RINGING CONTINUES] Hands-free.
It's the law.
[LAUGHS] GLORIA: Hello? Oh, hey.
Uh, Gloria.
Where are you? You were supposed to come in today.
I totally forgot.
I just, um Something came up and You said you were coming in today.
I know.
I know.
Look, something crazy happened.
Okay, listen.
Last night at our Lodge, we found a dead body in a secret room.
Sorry, I had to say it.
- What? - Yeah.
[SIGHS] I feel like you're making fun of me.
No! No, no, n You need to come in.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I will.
I will.
As soon as I can.
I just got to, um, run an errand.
- [BEEP] - [SIGHS] Hello? Hel Oh.
Your relationship with your temp boss seems a little intense.
Well, the Orbis shut down really screwed her up.
You know, her job is to terminate people.
You know, I think she just she just wants someone to talk to, you know? - So does everybody.
- Yeah.
Turn up there.
Wh-Whoa! Careful! Calm down.
[HORN HONKS] What? Uh Had a lotta wild times here, I bet, huh? [CHUCKLING] No, I've only been here once.
Years ago.
Larry practically lives at the Lodge.
- Oh.
Is Larry home? No.
Um, man, Larry hasn't lived here in a long time.
I might have a forwarding address, though.
I mean, his Playboys and National Geographics were being misdelivered here for a while.
That would be great.
Pardon my, uh progress.
[HUSHED] Larry didn't tell you that he moved? [PAPERS RUSTLING] Now, here it is.
Oh, this is my installation.
I'm showing at the Zero Gallery in Costa Mesa.
Oh, so this is art.
[CHUCKLES] So, what are the spikes for? Oh, that's a, uh that's a witch's collar.
I mean, it helps to push the witch out far enough so they can't touch you.
Because of the spikes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Anyway, there you go.
Is that? Hmm.
Liz, hi.
Um, you know, I keep thinking about the fact that on, your day off, you came into work.
[CHUCKLES] So, if I can, maybe I can put on my "Mr.
Insight" hat for just a minute.
[CLEARS THROAT] I-I feel like maybe you're uncomfortable being alone with yourself.
- That's so true, Jeremy.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
Have you considered therapy or? Right, you're worried about the stigma, aren't you? Some pathetic crybaby who can't handle life.
That's what I used to think, anyway, but but then The stigma is I can't afford it.
Okay? Uh, vodka tonic.
[CLEARS THROAT] Might want to take it easy on that stuff.
It's your day off.
I'm just nervous.
[CLEARS THROAT] The new corporate guy is coming today.
Why are you nervous? Because he's young and good-looking and he's got some kind of advanced degree in management.
Screw that guy.
You're a good manager.
Just do your thing.
Thanks, Liz.
You know, I'm glad you're here.
Yeah, I really feel like you bring out the best in me.
- Yeah? - Ernie, uh, Scot wants an ETA on the pancake mix.
Tell him to send someone else.
We're dealing with more important stuff.
Any news on Wallace Smith? Still dead.
[CHUCKLES] Uh, so I found an old Minutes Book.
The last meeting he presided over was July of '62, then they had a going-away party for him.
He told everybody he was moving to Montana.
I don't think anyone in the Lodge knew what he did.
Okay, see you when we get back.
I-I think someone is following us.
[SCOFFS] What? Yeah.
Black SUV.
I saw it earlier.
Who would be following us? Come on.
I don't know.
When did they stop making these things? VANCE: Fontaine! Hey, Vance been a while.
What's your sorry ass doing on a Sunday? - Nothin'.
- Yeah, me, too.
Hey, nice sled.
Who's your chauffeur? Oh, I'm I'm Dud.
How's it going? Yeah.
Um, I'm part of Ernie's Lodge.
Still doing that Dungeons & Dragons shit? - Yeah.
- No.
No, there's not a gaming component to it Is there? Hey, me and this fool went to high school together.
Oh, nice.
That's great.
Hey, I heard Connie Clark's back in town.
Have you seen her? No.
Well, I'd call that girl up, man.
I hear she's still lookin' good! We gotta go.
[HUSHED] That was weird.
Why'd you Gotta go.
All right.
Hey, let's hang sometime! I'll call you.
So, why'd you tell him you hadn't seen Connie? Can we just get to Larry's place? Okay.
All right.
There it is.
- What? - The black SUV.
What? No.
There's nothin' there, man.
I can't I don't see anything.
- [SEAL BARKING] - Whoa! Shit! [TIRES SQUEAL] What? What? There was a There was a seal! - A seal?! - There was a seal in the road! - There was a There was a seal! - What are you doing? A s There was a seal.
It was a seal, right It was It was Get out of the road.
You're gonna get yourself killed.
[HORN HONKS] Ugh! - Are you okay? - Why would he Why would he do it? Why would he What did he know that we don't? What's the Maybe he swam up the San Gabriel River.
He locked himself in a room, and he drank formaldehyde.
When that snake bit me, there was this moment that happened before before I passed out, that w-w-w-where I could feel the venom.
I could feel the venom going up my leg.
I could feel the death inside of me.
I could feel it.
And it wasn't like my life flashed before my eyes or anything like that.
I-I What I remember is, I remember looking up and and all I could feel was just the darkness that was just waiting for me down below.
It You know, and and and I just forgot who I was.
I forgot and and and I was just the the a thing a thing that was gonna die, and it and it didn't matter.
[SEAL BARKING DISTANTLY] [ENGINE IDLING] I think about my dad, and if that's how he felt at the end I [SIGHS HEAVILY] Uh, there's this darkness, and it's just still waiting there.
But you're here.
Hmm? Yeah.
That's something.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
You survived for a reason.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
So that I could find the Lodge.
- Well, there's lots of reasons.
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
But [CHUCKLES] You know what, I feel that, like we're connected in ways that we don't even know yet.
You know? Well, maybe.
No rush.
No rush.
No rush.
We've been up all night.
Uh, let's get something to eat.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Go get some - Okay? - Yeah, that's good.
Dancing with my pain I'm dancing for the rain Through the darkness until the waters flow You seriously did not have to drive all the way down to see me.
BILL: Heck, I don't care about you.
I was just looking for an excuse to hang out in beautiful San Diego.
So, how's the paralegal game? It's steady.
We'll never run out of lawsuits.
- Hmm.
- I'm good at it, you know? I'm the hammer of justice.
I bet.
You are on your way to the top, sweetheart.
- Oh, man.
Poor guy.
Birds are idiots.
So, what's up? I don't know, the usual.
- Work, et cetera.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm actually trying to take out a little loan, you know, for the shop.
Just to get us through until the summer business kicks in.
- Uh-huh.
- Kind of a lean time of year.
I'm sure.
Everyone's got a tarp on their pool.
And, of course, the banks are being extra cautious right now, after the recession.
I mean, I think they're over-correcting, really, but they've been giving me the runaround, so Well, anything I can do to help Well, I mean, actually, if if you could co-sign the loan, that would really grease the wheels.
I mean, I've been in business for 30 years.
All right, it's a pretty safe bet.
You know, and it's just until the summer business starts.
No problem.
Uh, send me over the stuff.
Will do.
Thank you.
Hey, now, for something - really important, okay? - Mm.
What are you watching these days? I mean, I need a new TV show.
[CHUCKLES] May the waters wash away your pain Make the holy rivers flow again I'm dancing with the rain [WHEEL CLICKING] Anybody eating? - Did you get - Look this way.
- Picture's for your mom, okay? - Hey, did you, uh You guys get food yet? Uh, the pancake line's backed up, but it's fine.
This is ridiculous.
Where's Big Ben? It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
Uh, hey, Scott used to be a Scout.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some of the best times of my life.
And helped prepare me for a career in law enforcement.
A police officer! That's pretty cool, huh? Long Beach P.
I bet you have some crazy stories.
Oh, sure.
Well, a-actually, I'm Harbor Patrol.
But I-I am responsible for I mean, you know, the amount of cargo that comes through.
There's There's some serious potential, you know, for Scott's our first line of defense.
That's That's right.
You know what? Hey, I protect Long Beach from terror.
Uh, yeah.
Guys, he's not feeling it.
Uh, we're gonna go.
[CLEARS THROAT] Come on, bud.
Oh, come on.
Look at this.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] DUD: Yeah, my dad started off digging pools, and then he cleaned them.
And then he opened up the shop.
Knowledge from the bottom up.
- You can't fake it.
- Mnh-mnh.
Yeah, so, you know, once I raise enough capital Right.
So, are you going in with your sister or something? No.
No, my dad always wanted my sister to do her own thing.
She's way too smart for the pool biz, you know? What does she do? Had a bunch of jobs.
Now she works at Shamroxx.
- I knew it! - Ernie.
- You've been following me.
- What? I'm all paid up! What do you want from me? That's you in the black SUV.
I drive a scooter.
It's red.
H-How do you know Herm? He works for my bookie.
No, h-he's the sign-spinner guy for Burt.
Who's Burt? This is a trip.
The voice on the other end of the phone.
We've been talking to each other for over a decade.
See? Told you we were connected.
[CHUCKLES] So what do you want? Nothing.
Now I know my bookie.
That's all.
I'm gonna get that back.
See, here's the thing, Burt.
You're operating a criminal enterprise.
And, as I see it, you have two options.
One, I call the police and you go to jail.
Two, you cancel my loan and you give me my dad's watch back.
[RAPS FINGERS ON COUNTER] And also Ernie's flat screen.
This is about justice.
Your loan meets the requirements of the relevant sections of the California Finance Lenders law, Section 2200.
And if you say anything about my book, Herman will cave your face in and turn you into a worse cripple than you already are.
Scott needs help downstairs.
Uh okay.
Well we have a library now.
Pretty cool.
So many first editions.
What the hell was he doing? I think it all has to do with Harwood Fritz Merrill and the legend that he's buried in a crypt under Lodge 1 in London with the alchemical scrolls he found in the desert.
I think our guy was trying to duplicate that.
Why wouldn't he? It's always been my plan.
[CHUCKLES] I know it's crazy, but also What? [LAUGHS] I feel like the Lodge is waking up.
Pancake time.
Time to go rescue Scott.
[BELLS CHIMING] [CHIMING STOPS] [CELLPHONE RINGS] - She's just gonna keep calling.
- [GROANS] - Just answer it.
- Mnh-mnh.
It feels like Larry is trying to disappear.
It reminds me of Drysdale.
- What? - My old cat.
He walked out into the yard one day and just curled up under a bush.
He was looking for someplace to you know.
So, you think that Larry's getting ready to check out? I mean, Wallace Smith did sell his Plymouth.
And maybe this is something that, like, you know, Sovereign Protectors got to do before the die? Is it Is it part of the mysteries? I hope not.
- Well - [ENGINE SPUTTERS] What's that? [ENGINE STOPS] - Oh, no! - What-What's What's going on? Uh Oh are you out of gas? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm out of gas.
- You're out of gas? - Yep.
[SIGHS] This happen often? Uh, no.
No, not really.
I don't get it.
Is it Is it advertising something? The future.
I was straight-edge for a long time, but when I turned 14, I decided to embrace a Dionysian lifestyle.
- What is it? - It's tequila and Kool-Aid a friendship drink for joyful times.
Isn't that basically a Tequila Sunrise? No, it's bigger.
And red.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS] - Thanks for comin'.
- Bye.
- See you next time.
- Bye.
- See ya.
- Bye.
- Have you seen my son? - [SIGHS] [BOY SCREAMING] - [BELLS CHIMING] - BOY: Hey, why'd you do that? Hey.
Oh what the hell?! [CHILDREN CHATTERING] [SIGHS] I know the Lodge could be better.
But Larry's so cheap and lazy and set in his own ways.
A few years ago, we really got into it, and I almost quit.
But Larry, man [CHUCKLES] he's got a little con man in him.
[CHUCKLES] He said something to me.
He said, "Ernie, stick around.
The Lodge is gonna give you a gift.
I promise.
" - Did it? - Yeah.
It did.
[BIRDS CHIRPING] - You're talking about Connie.
- What? - [CHUCKLES] - No! Yeah.
Shit Yeah, sometimes I got a little feminine intuition.
Listen, you can't tell anybody.
A lot of people would be hurt.
It's a mess, okay? And I don't ever want to talk about this again.
Once Connie's parents found out, we tried to keep it on the down-low, but that didn't work.
They made her transfer to Lakewood.
I graduated, and she went off to college, and we didn't see each other for 40 years.
And then, one day, she just walks into the Lodge with Scott.
- Wow! - Uh-huh.
- Wow! - Scott! [CELLPHONE RINGS] - Hey, what - He's not coming in.
- WOMAN: Hello? - [CLICKS] That was a little unnecessary, right? You're not going over there.
Stop pretending you are.
It's not fair to keep someone's hopes up.
You want anything from inside? Diet Dr Pepper.
Bottle, preferably.
- Cash or credit? - Credit.
MAN: Sign here.
If we wanted to kill you, - you'd be dead already.
- [CHUCKLES] Stop it, Leo.
Fontaine, after you left our planning meeting at Kaplan, well, we got to talking, and we regret the curt manner we may have used when we asked you to leave.
Please accept this with our heartfelt apology.
- Mm.
- We thought it was important to tell you this face to face.
The relationships with the guys who make this industry run - it's paramount.
- Mm.
No problem.
And I'm sorry for crashing your meeting.
Let me ask you, did you see or hear anything in the meeting that interested you? Well, it looked like a big mixed-use deal.
A little retail, a little residential? - Hmm.
- I just saw one of your billboards.
- Hmm.
- Mixed-use is a, uh, solid bet.
Once you're ready to spec, I'm the man who gets the price.
Captain will be completely satisfied.
Do you actually know Captain? Well, sure, I Actually, no.
I've never met the dude.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, he's a he's a tough guy to pin down.
- [LAUGHTER] - Okay.
Let's head back.
Uh, and thank you for your time.
We love getting to know the players in town.
[LAUGHS] Oh, yeah.
This is for you.
There are blood orange-infused chocolate truffles in there.
- Ah.
- You ever had that? Yeah, at "Taste of Long Beach" last summer.
Prepare for an education in pain! Then you're about an education to get a PhD, guera! - Deus lo vollllt!! - Aah! [THE BARON FOUR'S "BECAUSE OF YOU" PLAYS] - [GRUNTS] - Yeah! [SINGING INDISTINCTLY] Whoo! Yeah! - Guys! - [MUSIC STOPS] [HUSHED] Corporate! Never been a one girl man, but you make me want to try - So come on over, baby - Rematch.
I'll tell you the reason why, because of you Oh, oh I can be true Did I ever think that we would find a reliquum corpus in our Lodge? Uh, well, the answer to that, Melissa, is "No!" - Well, do you mean the mummy? - I mean the reliquum corpus.
That's why I said I'm sorry, it's just that I'm getting pretty pretty tired of people saying, "It's a mummy!" Um, regardless, it does raise the question of a material component of the soul.
SCOTT: Oh, this is a nightmare.
Uh, if we look at the early writings of Harwood Fritz Merrill, um, and for those of you who are unfamiliar, that's the founder of our order back in 1866.
Well, he was positive that there were aspects of his soul that So these guys followed you around all day.
- Mm-hmm.
- Then they abducted you.
I was not abducted.
I got into their car of my own free will.
All right, okay, and so and then they gave you a gift basket.
And And that's, like, normal for the plumbing industry or? Well, these are high-level developers.
They need relationships with guys who make the industry run.
- Oh.
- It's, um It's paramount.
[DOG BARKING] This is Larry's place? We've driven all day, and we're a block away from the lodge.
What? Larry owns an oil well? I've driven by this place for years and never gave it a second thought.
[KNOCKING] It's awfully quiet.
You don't think that he's you know? Larry? Comin' in.
This place is great.
All right, so - where next? - [SCOFFS] We're done.
What's the point in looking for someone that doesn't want to be found? I want to know what Wallace Smith meant by the True Lodge.
Like, what if it's code for eternal life? All I know is that dude must've really hated his life on this side.
Otherwise, you don't drink formaldehyde.
"The Magnum Opus.
" Why would anyone want to live forever? I just want to live for real, for a little while, right here.
[SIGHS] People always go looking for unicorns when we've got rhinos.
[CHUCKLES] Rhi-Rhinos? A rhinoceros is a fascinating animal.
All this beautiful stuff, right here in front of us.
Screw unicorns, man.
What's the use of living forever if you're all alone on a Sunday? [KNOCKING] Sean You You bailed on me.
I Uh All I see It follows me A local fraternal order has given new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme" after an unexpected and gruesome find today.
Members discovered a sealed-off room and, within it, the preserved body of a man that had been there since 1962.
It's a mummy! Police have ruled out foul play, and the results [SIGHS] [EXHALES] [SOFT CLATTERING IN DISTANCE] [DOOR CLOSES] [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] Oh, hey.
I'm back.