Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s02e22 Episode Script

Lois? Hang on, Clark.
It's open.
Lois? I'll be out in a minute.
You're a little early.
Yeah, I know.
I I wanted to talk to you about something.
I can't hear you.
Hang on just a minute.
I'll be right out.
- Where are we going for breakfast? - I thought we'd try Callards.
What? I didn't hear you.
Lois, there's something I wanna tell you.
I'm Superman.
Hey, did you ever notice how Superman and I look kind of alike? Well, it's funny that you should say that, because Hey, guess what? I'm Superman.
Lois there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time.
And before our relationship goes any further I think it's important that you know that l What are you doing? I was Lois, I've got something I wanna tell you.
- It's not good news, is it? - Well, I don't know.
- Maybe.
- No, it's not.
I can tell by your face.
Lois, maybe you'd better sit down.
Oh, yeah, this is good news.
You know how you're always complaining that I seem to run off every time we start talking about something important? I recall mentioning it once or twice.
Well, there is a reason for that.
It has nothing to do with my having a fear of intimacy or being afraid of falling in love or anything like that.
I think I should just tell you this as simply and as honestly as I can.
Lois l'm Super Maybe you should just answer that.
- Well - Just Hello? Yeah.
It's for you.
Who knows I'm here? - Hello? - We know everything about you, Mr.
Kent.
Or should I say Superman? If you don't want the world to know your secret, go to a Dumpster behind the Planet.
You'll find an envelope with your name on it.
Who was it? - That was my barber, Waldo.
- Your barber? Yeah.
I'm late for an appointment.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
You were in the middle of telling me something.
- Was I? - Yes.
You said, "Lois, I'm Super" Lois, I'm super late for my appointment.
And I can't have breakfast with you.
But I'll be in the office later.
Maybe we can have lunch.
- Clark.
- I gotta go, Lois.
I'm sorry.
Boy, that was fast.
I guess you were moving at superspeed, huh? Whoever you are, you've made a big mistake.
I'm not Clark Kent.
He's just a friend of mine, that's all.
I've got a diary here that says otherwise.
- And I believe it.
- Well, whatever that is, it's wrong.
Let me ask you a question.
This diary was written by a man named Tempus.
- Ring a bell? - No.
He claims to have traveled through time with H.
G.
Wells.
In his diary, he writes about traveling back to when you were a baby.
He wanted to kill you.
But you and Lois Lane went back in time and stopped him.
As punishment, Wells dumped Tempus in an insane asylum in 1866 Smallville where he wrote the whole thing down.
- Getting a case of déjà vu? - No.
And only a fool would believe the ravings of a madman.
At first, I thought he was crazy too.
But this diary accurately predicts every single major event from 1866 to the present.
I mean, he makes Nostradamus look like a freaking palm reader.
He's still wrong about me being Clark Kent.
Well, then won't I have egg on my face when I tell everyone.
Now, here's the deal: There's $20 million in uncut diamonds in a safe in Mayzik's Jewelers.
You bring them to me your secret's safe.
I'll be in touch.
Bravo.
Lovely performance.
- Thanks, Nigel.
- So tell me, Mr.
Mayzik how exactly did you come by possession of that diary? I found it.
Buried in a box of my old man's stuff.
He died four years ago.
Nobody got around to going through his junk.
And now you're going to rob one of his jewelry stores.
Just getting back what should've been mine.
The old man left everything to my suck-up brother.
I see.
So whereas your father made his fortune the old-fashioned way you're just going to steal yours, is that right? Let me tell you something.
Everybody thinks my old man was just some humble junk man who made it big through hard work, but all he did was follow this and invest wisely.
Plastics in the '60s, oil in the '70s, computers in the '80s.
And why is it he never revealed Superman's identity? Mainly because he died before Superman showed up.
- How very fortunate for you.
- Very.
You know, I'd like to see that.
No can do, buckaroo.
Perhaps we should clarify our relationship.
You called me.
- You need kryptonite, which I have - Which you stole.
Which I have agreed to share with you in return for certain rewards.
Right.
Half of what we make by having Superman under our control.
That's the deal, and the diary ain't part of it.
Got it? Oh, it's so romantic, spending our anniversary in Metropolis.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it was a good idea.
Martha, did Clark seem okay to you? He was acting kind of odd.
Jonathan, of course he was acting odd.
Haven't you been listening to him? He's in love.
And speaking of love Happy anniversary.
Oh, thank you.
I made you a memory box.
- I carved it.
- You carved it? Open it up.
There's a pebble inside for every year of our marriage.
I figured that if I wrote them down, we'd have all our memories in one place and that way we couldn't forget.
- Yeah, right.
I love it.
And you.
Happy anniversary.
An envelope.
- A gift certificate.
- Yeah, from Cost Mart.
Some people say it's run by crooks, but they have some nice stuff there.
Well.
I really don't know what to say, Jonathan, except thank you.
You're hard to shop for.
I never know what you need.
I know.
Clark, is that you? I know that look.
What's wrong? Someone found out I'm Superman.
- Oh, my God.
- But how could that be? He said he has this diary that tells him everything about me.
Diary? What kind of diary? It's a long story, Mom.
But the important thing is is that he's threatening to reveal who I am unless I do what he wants.
And that's what? Steal for him.
I don't know what to do.
Well, this may be kind of drastic but maybe the time has come for you to reveal who you are.
That way this guy won't have any power over you.
That must be some story.
Seen enough? You're not actually gonna say that stuff to C.
K.
, are you? None of my business? Right.
- Hey, Jimmy.
- Hey, nice coat.
Although a flak jacket might have been a better call.
She upset? You only wish.
- I think we need to talk.
- You read my mind.
Or my screen.
- Look, I owe you an explanation.
- Don't.
I cannot listen to one more stupid story about your barber or your doctor or how you suddenly remembered that you have to return a book to the library.
What you owe me is some respect.
I am so tired of the excuses, Clark.
How can we have a relationship if you're not gonna be honest? Lois, I have always been honest with you.
Always.
Except for one thing.
And when I tell you what that one thing is I hope you'll understand.
What is it? - Lois - C.
K.
? Jimmy, we're talking here.
I'm sorry, but there's a phone call for Clark on line one.
Can you take a message, Jimmy? Okay.
But the guy says you'd wanna talk to him.
Something about a Dumpster.
Lois, I have to take this call.
You're gonna take a call about a Dumpster rather than finish this? Lois, please.
You pick up that phone now Lois, I have to.
- Did I call at a bad time? - There won't be any more bad times.
I hate to ruin your fun but I've decided to go ahead and tell everybody that I'm Superman.
Interesting change of attitude.
Did your folks have anything to do with this? My folks? We're sharing some quality time together now.
Well, at least that's what I call it.
They call it kidnapping.
I know you wouldn't want anything to happen to them.
Clark, we're in a lead-lined room - Jonathan! - Let them go.
- They mean nothing to you.
- Sure they do.
Because now you have to do what I want no matter what happens.
- I can't steal for you.
- You can do anything.
You're Superman, remember? All right, whoever you are.
Let's see what your fingerprints look like.
Wiped clean.
Okay.
What else did you touch? Hey, Superman, how's it going? We didn't make too much of a mess, did we? Don't bother looking for me.
I'm nowhere nearby, but my eyes are everywhere.
- What do you want? - You remember that little job I mentioned? I forgot to tell you where to take the stuff.
Now, I want it delivered by midnight tonight behind the fountain in Centennial Park.
No diamonds, no parents.
And if I smell anything funny, you'll be an orphan.
"Smell anything funny.
" Gotcha.
- I thought it was a bat.
- Sorry.
Even if we could get the grate off there's no way either one of us could ever get through it.
- Martha, you all right? - I'm fine.
Maybe I can use my gift certificate to get some Band-Aids when I get out of here.
If you don't like it, Martha, just say it.
It must be sealed off.
You don't often see something like that.
You want me to get you something else, just tell me.
I'd be happy to.
Excuse me, sir.
What kind of orchids are those? Star Stadium 52 Blitz Go Right Stun.
I breed them myself.
Now, unless you know something about getting rid of aphids, beat it.
Well, I could give them a stern talking-to.
Superman.
Sorry, I didn't know it was you.
- Didn't you play football for the Bills? - Till I blew my knee out.
Now I do this.
It's much more relaxing and definitely less painful.
I know what you mean.
I'm looking for a man who was wearing one of these.
I don't sell many of these to people off the street.
- I haven't sold one to a man in weeks.
- This one was fresh.
It smelled like cherry vanilla.
Oh, yeah, that's the 52 Blitz Go Right Stun all right.
See, it's the only orchid that smells that way.
- Is your friend Swiss? - He doesn't sound it.
Why do you ask? Well, my biggest customer is Zurich Air.
They hand them out to all the first-class transatlantic passengers.
Really? Yes, hello.
I've been on hold for 20 minutes.
No, no.
I can't call back later.
I wanna speak to someone who can tell me who flew with you the last couple of days.
No.
I know that you don't normally release passenger lists, but this is an emergency.
Is there a supervisor or someone in Zurich that I could speak to? No, no! Don't put me on hold.
Oh, looking to buy me something? I was gonna get an anniversary present for my parents.
I'd better get to the stores before they close.
Good idea.
You better do that.
- You're not mad? - At what? - At Once again, I'm running off.
- Well, why should I be? Dr.
Frisken really helped set me straight.
She helped me realize and even accept that people have separate lives and no matter how involved we are sometimes it's appropriate to do things apart.
Right.
It'll take a second.
I left it right on the counter.
Oh, you look fabulous in black, Clark.
Where are the diamonds? Right here.
Show them to me.
No, don't bother.
I'm sure you wouldn't double-cross me.
- Not as long as I've got your parents.
- Look, I've done what you've asked.
Now, where are my parents? I don't think that they're enjoying their visit.
- They keep trying to find a way out.
- Tell me where they are.
It warms my heart to watch them.
There's something so bovine about them.
Well, I'm glad you find them so heartwarming.
Now tell me where they are.
Drop the diamonds in the fountain.
Thank you very much.
And, Clark, don't wait for the courier don't follow the courier.
If you do, Ma and Pa will die.
- I'll be in touch.
- Hey! Yes, Clark.
I bring you these diamonds you release my parents.
Was that the deal? Was that what we said? Yes, Clark.
Well? I lied.
- Isn't this fun? - Getting greedy, are we? I'm thinking maybe another little job or two.
Might as well get stinking rich before we kill him.
You look good in black.
It's perfect with your skin tone.
Perfect for a funeral.
Maybe yours.
Perfect for robbing a jewelry store.
- Lois, I can explain.
- Boy, do I know how to pick them.
I thought I knew you.
I thought that you were a decent and straight-up guy.
I thought that you were the last honest man.
I thought that you were I thought that you were Clark Kent.
Who are you? Lois my mom and dad have been kidnapped.
What? My mom and dad have been kidnapped.
That's why you ran off today? That's why you robbed a jewelry store? Yeah.
He threatened to kill them.
I had to rob that store.
Did you call the police? The FBI? I can't take that chance, Lois.
If I do anything that makes him suspicious, anything he might kill them.
Well, is he gonna let them go now? I don't think so.
I think he wants more.
Clark, I'm so sorry.
Oh, God.
You know, I'll do anything I can to help.
Thank you, Lois.
No, don't put me on hold.
It's taken eight hours to get a human being.
This is an international airline.
Someone should be covering your phone lines 24 hours a day.
Well, no, voicemail doesn't count.
Look, I need to talk to somebody who can authorize the release of a passenger list.
Is this okay, Mr.
White? Oh, yeah, Maxwell, that's fine.
Let's get a composite of that.
- Okay, chief.
- Thank you.
Hey, Jimmy.
That dress Lois has on, didn't she have that on yesterday? I don't know.
Jimmy, if you wanna be a newspaperman, you gotta be observant.
Now, doesn't Clark look a little haggard to you? - Yeah.
- You know, like he's been up all night worrying about something like a dog trapped in a cage.
Yeah, I guess.
You know what I think? What? I think they eloped.
Can I talk to you, Kent? Sure, sergeant.
That jewelry store that got hit last night they have this hidden security camera.
It sure looks like you.
Well, that could be anybody, Zimack.
Same nose, same chin, same glasses.
Where were you last night from, say, 9:00 on? He was with me.
Sergeant, you know us.
Do you really think that I'd commit a burglary? And that Lois would lie about it? No.
No, I don't.
But you got a double out there somewhere, Kent.
Sergeant if I ask Superman to help you find your thief, could you do me a favor? We need some information from Zurich Air regarding something that we're working on.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, this is Sergeant Zimack of the Metropolis Police Department.
Badge number 0864.
Clark will find us.
I know.
- But if he doesn't - He will.
If he doesn't I want you to know, I wouldn't trade a minute of our life together.
What about the time I told your mother to stuff a sock in it? That's what made me love you in the first place.
How about when we found out we couldn't have children? You were a tower of strength and understanding.
You're the best man I know, Jonathan.
The best man I'll ever know.
I loved you then, and I love you now.
Oh, Martha.
I love you too.
Martha, about the gift certificate Lois, look at this.
Nicholas S.
Janacek.
Ring a bell? It sure does.
It's an alias Nigel St.
John used when he was working with Lex Luthor.
Clark, what would Nigel want with your parents? Yes, hello, this is Sergeant Zimack again, Metropolis P.
D.
You had a passenger, Nicholas S.
Janacek, on your flight 697 two days ago.
- Could you tell me how that fare was paid? - Is Nigel your kidnapper? No.
My guy didn't have an accent.
But it's too much of a coincidence that Yes.
Mayzik? Jason T.
Mayzik? As in Mayzik Jewelers? Thank you very much.
Yes, as in Mayzik Jewelers.
Wait here.
When pigs fly.
You're not bothering me at all, Miss Lane.
No, I'm honored.
Your articles are wonderful.
So are yours, Mr.
Kent.
Yours are just super.
Thank you.
Do you know somebody named Nicholas S.
Janacek? Janacek? No I don't, I don't.
Why? Why do you ask? We're trying to trace him for a story we're doing and it seems you paid for his airfare from England a couple of days ago.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
I lost my wallet last week.
My credit cards were in it.
- You don't seem too worried.
- You report them lost, get new ones.
But what I'm really impressed by is your resourcefulness.
You know, I would've thought it would've taken, I don't know Superman to pry that kind of information out of the airlines.
I'm really sorry I couldn't be of any more help.
- Well, thank you for your time.
- Oh, no.
My pleasure.
Believe me.
Here.
That woman is a menace.
We have to do something about her.
- We are following my agenda, not yours.
I have the kryptonite.
You want it, you do something about her.
She's been a thorn in my side for far too long.
All right.
Anything to see your sunny smile.
I'm telling you, it's him, Lois.
It's the same voice.
C.
K.
, there's a phone call for you.
Take it at Stanley's desk.
Clark, he lied.
He didn't report his credit card stolen.
- Hello? - Hello, Clark.
So nice of you to visit.
- Just tell me what you want.
- I've called with your new assignment.
Oh, but first, tell me you and Lois, you guys close? - Maybe.
Why? - Oh, bummer.
Well, here's your assignment.
You have 30 minutes otherwise Ma and Pa will die.
Bring it to the old air base outside of town.
- Bring what? - The body.
Bring the body.
Your new assignment is to kill Lois Lane.
That was him.
That was Jas, wasn't it? - Lois, don't - What did he say to you? Clark, what did he say? He wants you dead in 30 minutes or he's gonna kill my parents.
- It's Nigel.
We got too close.
- Lois, I want you to get out of town.
- Get on a plane, get as far away - No.
No.
- Lois, please.
Lois, please.
- I have an idea.
I want you to tell Superman to meet me at my apartment as soon as possible.
Lois Everything is gonna be all right.
- Freeze you? - Yes.
Like cryogenics.
You know, people who fall into frozen lakes and then they get revived? You could freeze me with your breath.
Fast.
I've seen you do it a hundred times.
And then I would look like I was dead, and you could take my body Lois, do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You could have arterial ruptures, permanent brain damage.
Lois, you could die.
Yes.
I could die.
But Clark's parents will die unless we help them.
Please, Superman.
You haven't seen him.
You don't know what he's going through.
He needs me.
And I have never needed you more than I do right now.
You just can't turn me down.
You can't.
All right.
Lf anything happens tell Clark that I love him.
He knows but I'll tell him.
Close your eyes.
The way you just touched me Close your eyes.
Well, well.
Dream all you want but nothing quite prepares you for the thrill of the moment.
There's not a mark on her.
- How'd you do it, Superman? - Where are my parents? "Where are my parents, sir?" Now, boys, boys.
Let's not fight.
After all, it wouldn't be quite fair to Superman.
It's relatively simple to use, Jas.
Very few moving parts short-term exposure leads to lasting effect.
Give it a whirl.
Clark! Clark! Now, I know you're in a lot of pain right now but here's the good news: Lt'll all be over real soon.
Move me over there.
Oh, you must feel very pleased now that Lois Lane is dead.
Yes, it would warm my heart if I had one.
My father always said: "Close a good deal with a toast.
" Obviously a man of excellent breeding.
He was a pig.
If it hadn't been for that diary Yes, yes, the diary.
Subject of our next negotiation.
Oh, man.
No.
I guess I should've known.
This says that you double-crossed Lex Luthor.
Well, it is what I'm best at.
- Did I ever tell you how my old man died? - No.
I poisoned him.
I guess it's true what they say: Reading is fundamental.
Clark, I have an idea.
Do you think you have enough strength to freeze that vent? - Yes.
- Jonathan, get the kryptonite.
Throw it at the vent, Jonathan.
My God, Lois! Okay, live.
Come on, Lois.
Come back to me.
Fight, Lois.
Come on, fight.
Don't you die on me, Lois.
Now, come on.
Don't give up.
Come on.
Breathe, Lois.
Breathe.
Okay.
Okay.
That's it.
Come on.
Okay.
Okay.
I heard you calling.
I heard you calling.
How much is your biggest yacht? Don't you have anything bigger? I'll call you back.
Superman, I think you should know, I had a horrible childhood.
Well, it will seem idyllic compared to where you're going.
I'm not going anywhere.
Not unless you want the world to know that you're Clark Kent.
I've decided that's not such a good idea after all.
You've helped prove that if the world knows too much about me the people I care about can get hurt.
Not much you can do about that, is there? I know the truth.
Unfortunately for you, we live in skeptical times where people demand proof.
And you don't have any.
- How's Lois? - Lois is fine.
She's at home resting.
She caught a little cold.
Well, we'd better get going or we're gonna miss our flight.
That reminds me.
Martha, I hope you don't mind, but I used that gift certificate.
You used my gift certificate? To pick up that book I told them to hold for you.
- Jonathan.
- Like it? Jonathan, anything from you I love.
Well, the kidnapping kind of screwed up my plans.
But the idea was: Gift certificate to book, book is in Italian and hopefully we know some Italian by the time we get back from Rome.
Oh, Jonathan! I can't believe it.
Jimmy, you heard from Lois? - She's feeling better.
- Got any idea how they bagged this? Nope.
They're a couple of clams.
Yeah.
You ever get the impression that we'll never know everything that's going on with those two? - Chief? - Yeah.
Instead of standing around watching Lois and Clark wondering what they're doing, what if we got more interesting lives of our own? Now, son, you just hit the bull's-eye.
It's like we're supporting characters in some TV show that's only about them.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like all we do is advance their plots.
And I'll tell you the truth l'm sick of it.
- Man, me too.
Come on, son.
I'm buying.
- You chilly? - No.
Lois, I've been thinking.
Me too.
What about? You first.
Okay.
Sometimes you think you're immortal.
And you start to think that the people around you are too.
And it just takes a second to realize how wrong you are about everything.
What I'm trying to say, Lois is I almost lost you and I feel ashamed.
Ashamed? Why? I kept pushing you away even when I promised I'd stop.
If you died without ever knowing why l'd never be able to forgive myself.
Because I love you.
Come on, give me a break! You wanna go back? If the earth opened up at my feet I wouldn't move until I'd said this.
Lois will you marry me? Clark