Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s03e01 Episode Script

... We Have a Lot to Talk About

Lois, I've been thinking.
Me too.
What about? You first.
okay.
Sometimes you think you're immortal.
You start to think that the people around you are too.
It just takes a second to realize how wrong you are about everything.
Come on.
Give me a break.
You wanna go back? If the earth opened up at my feet, I wouldn't move until I'd said this: Lois will you marry me? Who's asking? Clark or Superman? It's the new glasses, isn't it? They just don't work as well as the old ones did.
okay.
I guess the first question is, how long have you known? Really.
I would've thought it would have been "How did I figure it out? " That's kind of neck and neck with "How mad are you? " -Let's save that one for last.
-okay.
Here.
Thanks.
So how long have I known? Since yesterday.
How did I figure it out? When you did this: You've touched me before.
Both of you.
But I guess almost dying sort of heightened everything, all my senses.
Sort of like putting on a pair of glasses.
It's stopped.
So how mad are you? -l' m not mad.
-Excuse me? I' m not mad at all.
-This is not really a time to hold back.
-I'm not.
I'm sorry, I was talking to Lois Lane.
I know she was here a second ago and I know she wouldn't react-- I'm hurt.
I'm really, really hurt.
Which is gonna be worse than mad, isn't it? okay, Lois, okay.
I've been rehearsing this for months.
Let's see if I can get it right.
I know this is a shock and I wanted to be the one to tell you so that you could understand how hard this has been for me how I've carried this secret by myself and how long I have wanted to tell you.
But when I decided to become Superman, l-- Became a target.
And so anybody close to you became a target and it just got more complicated when you realized you loved me.
Which was about two minutes after I met you.
-Don't try and score points.
-Sorry.
Look, I get it.
I really do.
It's logical.
It's even thoughtful.
It's just, when you get right down to it you made me believe that you were two different people and you did that by lying.
And that makes me feel like I don't know you and that really hurts me, and you know what? -I am mad.
I'm really mad.
-okay.
I'm really, really mad.
Clark, I'm furious.
-Go ahead, Lois.
Get it out, okay? -Help! Please, somebody, help me! -Go.
-Help! -Please! -Go.
Help me! Drop that knife.
Let him go.
No! Superman, they saved me.
I was walking home and this guy jumped me and these two came out of nowhere.
-lf it wasn't for them, l-- -Hello, Superman.
We're members of the Church Group.
The Church Group? -As in Bill Church? -As in lntergang? Mr.
Church wants Metropolis to be a better place to live and he's committed his fortune to that end.
Situation green.
Continue patrols.
Thank you.
All clear.
So you're some sort of vigilante group? Church's private storm troopers? Well, that's against the law.
If you check with the police, you'll find we're operating under their purview.
Let's get this man into custody.
Sir, come with us.
The police will need your statement.
Superman, thanks for trying to help.
Well, gotta give Church and his son some credit.
They love Metropolis and they never stop trying to take it over.
I should take a look around the city, just to make sure everything's all right.
But I don't wanna fly off with you mad.
I'm not mad.
Okay, I am.
It's all right, I just-- It was easier talking to Clark.
-You still are.
-That's just it.
I don't know anymore.
Well, let me prove it to you.
No.
I mean, I can't yet.
I just-- I need time to think.
Clark, you understand? Sure.
-No, so you're not upset--? -I asked, you answered.
Well, I'm the one who was lied to.
Don't get petulant with me.
okay, I see.
So it's okay for you to get mad but I shouldn't feel anything when you say--? All I'm saying is it's too much too fast.
Right, I get it.
No, I don't think you do.
No, I do get it, Lois.
It's fine.
Now I really-- I should, you know, check the city.
That is so unfair.
You know I can't fly.
Dad? Son, it's so good to see you.
How was Tokyo? Well, that little territory spat with the yakuza's all settled stores are going up, the foreign minister took the bribe.
-How are you feeling? -The doctors say I'm doing great.
A new heart, a new man.
That's my motto these days.
Billy, I've got so much to tell you, I don't know where to start.
What are you doing to your office? Well, that's part of what I wanna tell you.
-Hunky! -Mindy! oh, no.
Billy, I want you to meet your new stepmom.
-Step-- -oh, hello, Billy.
Your dad's told me so much about you.
Well, that certainly gives you the advantage, Mindy.
Son, I know what you're thinking: "The man's gone soft since the heart attack married his pretty nurse, and now he's a few grapes shy of a bunch.
" But I wanna tell you, I've never seen things clearer.
I've never felt with more absolute fervor my true destiny.
I'm guessing I'll need a drink.
We're criminals.
Greedy, opportunistic vermin preying on innocent people.
-And? -I can't do it anymore.
What, so you wanna retire? I want to dismantle lntergang.
I wanna pull the plug on this whole stinking operation and I wanna use our resources to make the world a better place.
-You're serious? -Totally.
Between the jet lag and the airplane food, I think I'm taking this pretty well.
I've earmarked $500 million to establish the Church Group.
Four thousand men and women patrolling Metropolis with the singular purpose of making this the safest place on earth.
You shell out some pretty good drugs in that hospital, don't you, Min? What? Exactly.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Hi.
So I called you last night.
A couple times.
Yeah, I was-- -Anything happen? -No, it was pretty quiet.
I wanted to keep an eye on that Church Group.
-There sure are a lot of those guys.
-Yeah.
I was doing some research on them.
-Here.
-Thanks.
Look, last night we both got pretty emotional.
It's understandable, I guess.
It's just, I feel a lot clearer today and-- Great.
Me too.
Look at this.
Completely legitimate, huh? Funded entirely by Church.
Look at this board that he's assembled.
A former governor, a vice president, a general.
-Yeah, it's got a nice, polite exterior.
-Let's see what's under the surface.
Clark.
You know what? Can you go this alone a little bit longer? I hear a siren.
But-- Of course, it's now becoming a well-known fact that our streets are dramatically safer from crime.
But the Church Group doesn 't stop there.
They've taken it upon themselves to offer free auto assistance safety checks of homes, businesses, and all manner of public transportation management of busy intersections, teaching kids about community service taxis for the elderly and the infirm even going so far as to guarantee food freshness in restaurants and grocery stores.
Polls indicate citizens have never felt safer.
Mindy? What is it? oh, Billy.
Nothing, nothing.
Is Dad okay? Hey, hey, hey, what is it? Well I know we don't know each other real well and there's no reason why you should trust me.
-Well, l-- -I think your father's very sick.
-Sick? How? -Well, he's going crazy.
He keeps talking about his new mission, and the way he's spending money.
-Yeah, I've seen the reports.
-He bought half a museum in London because he wanted to be surrounded by beauty.
oh, if this keeps up, there won't be anything left for us.
Well, the thought had occurred to me.
I.
oh, well, I'm just his wife.
I don't understand all this business.
But I really think it'd be best for everybody if maybe he -Yes? -retired? And I ran things the way they should be? Well, he's not just gonna step down.
oh, I know.
I'll do anything you say, Billy.
Anything? Wait a minute.
You're married to my father.
This is great.
Please, please tell me you're working on a story full of mayhem and scandal.
No such luck.
Boy, tomorrow's lead's gonna read, "Girl Scout Jamboree Big Success.
" If this keeps up, we're gonna have a one-page city section.
Hey, hold up, chief.
Why does news always have to be bad? -Why can't we report the good things? -Jimmy, you've been sniffing Linotype.
This is a newspaper.
It's either catastrophe or atrophy.
I know the Churches are up to something, I just can't get a fix on it.
I called Bobby Bigmouth but I haven't heard back.
Maybe it'd help if I set up an interview with my old golfing buddy, Bill Church.
See if you and Clark can find a skunk in the rose garden, so to speak.
Speaking of Clark, you know, I haven't seen him around here too much lately.
Is--? Is he okay? Well, professionally speaking, of course.
Y eah, we're just both trying to get our facts straight so we can figure out what's going on, make some decisions.
About the story.
-Right.
Absolutely.
-oh, yeah.
Y eah.
The story.
It has to make you wonder:.
With all the good work being done by the Church Group what's left for Superman to do these days? You're out! Oh, man, are you blind? That's the fifth lousy call today.
Come on, that's not a very sportsmanlike attitude.
This was a lot better before we had some umpire that we never asked for.
The bats and the balls are mine and I'm out of here.
-You tell him.
Come on.
-Boo, Superman.
Hey, come on, guys.
Hey.
Come on, guys, let's go play at another field.
-Come on, you guys.
-Man.
-That's kind of silly, now.
Let's play ball.
-Let's go.
Come on, you guys.
I'm Superman.
-Guys.
-You stink.
With just a few hundred million, we can have all of this beauty.
The bargain of the century.
I mean, what have I been doing with money all these years? Hoarding, investing.
It's ridiculous.
Preposterous.
I'm glad you've come around, son.
Well, I had a nice, long talk with the newest Mrs.
Church.
Say, Dad, can I tempt you? Well, if it's all right with the nurse.
okay.
She can be very persuasive.
Don't I know it.
Honey bun, the man with the Rodin wanted to see you about the bill.
Isn't she wonderful? -I have a kind of a thought.
-Yeah, me too.
But this thought's business.
Your dad keeps talking about having this fundraiser.
And so maybe it could be at a museum and maybe the museum could be full of really important people and art.
And then maybe it could, I don't know, blow up, which would maybe-- Which would make the cops think Dad did it to increase the value of his own burgeoning collection? You expect me to frame my own father for the murder of hundreds of innocent people? I love it.
The whole thing is just so Greek.
off he goes to a nice cozy jail.
of course, he'd have to turn the business over to-- Us.
oh, I hadn't thought of that part.
That's good.
That's really good.
Yeah, now all we need is a good explosives man.
So been pretty busy? Yeah, pretty busy.
Doing what, exactly? It's been pretty slow around here, action-wise.
Well.
You wouldn't be using your other identity to avoid talking to me, would you? Look, Lois, there are certain things about me being Superman that you're just gonna have to get used to.
Really? Like the urgent need to umpire a kids' baseball game for two hours? That was a very tense situation because the kids were yelling.
They had bats and stuff-- Clark, what is wrong? Why won't you talk to me? What is there to talk about, Lois? -I asked you to marry me, you said no.
-I didn't say "never.
" You found out something that you don't like.
That's not true, I didn't say that.
I cannot change who I am and I can't change what I've done-- Lois, Clark.
Wonderful to see you.
Come.
There's something you've got to see.
Come.
And every Cost Mart is going to have a display of the world's great art so people can shop for bargains and experience the beauty of culture at the same time.
-Must be costing you a fortune.
-one thing I've learned from my wife: You don't ask the price when the reward is joy.
-Right, pookie? -Right, hunky.
Mr.
Church, given the allegations that you're involved with lntergang-- one thing I've found is that when you're married to someone you love it's like nothing else in the world.
It's life-altering.
It's soul-changing.
It's the summit of all human desire and when you finally achieve it, it's as if mind and body finally merge and you're set free.
Totally.
-Cookie? They're low-fat.
-Thanks, no.
-Back to the lntergang allegations-- -Hey, you guys a thing? Excuse me? You going out? You seem like a thing.
Not a very happy thing, but.
oh, look, hunky, she's blushing.
Clark, do you realize what just happened? We were sent to investigate and we spent the whole time wallowing.
We wallowed.
I hate wallowers, and that's what we've turned into: A couple of sighing, slack-jawed, self-pitying wallowers.
For whatever it's worth, I x-rayed underneath the store.
I found evidence of machinery being dismantled.
-So Church could be telling the truth.
-Are you kidding? Next you're gonna be telling me you bought that lovey-dovey spew.
I hope being married does change your life make you look at things in a new way.
Don't you think a part of that change is communication getting things in the open? I did get things out in the open, starting with "Will you marry me? " No, I got things out in the open, starting with, "You are Superman.
" A little louder, I don't think they heard you in Gotham City.
Speaking of which, when were you planning on telling me? The honeymoon? our first anniversary? When the kids started flying around the house? First, I needed to know that you would marry me.
Not Superman, not his powers.
Just me, Clark.
I needed to know that, okay? -Then I was gonna tell you everything.
-Well, I guess we'll never know, will we? I guess we won't.
-Are you coming? -No, I think I'll just: -Fine.
-Fine.
It's like we both, like, all of a sudden, aren't even sure that we like each other.
You have to remember, she has a lot to think about.
Yeah, you both do.
You're taking some big steps, it's bound to be scary.
-I guess.
-oh, honey, you sound so sad.
How are things in Metropolis? Still slow? Well, today I spent two hours polishing my boots, an hour ironing my S saved a runaway hamster from a cat.
.
You make the reservations, I'll pack.
--tightened my glasses.
Pretty exciting, huh? Pickles and mustard? All you got is pickles and mustard? What kind of person lives like this? If my mother saw this, she'd put a curse on you.
-We can order takeout.
-Wait a minute.
You don't have any crackers? No nuts? -lce? -oh, come on.
What am l, a beverage? No, it's all right.
It's okay.
I've been feeling lately that this food obsession of mine is masking a deeper emotional trauma.
Bobby, really? No, actually, I'm trying to talk myself out of eating your chair.
Anyway, about your query.
I got a tip the Church boys reached out to Joe Arlo.
I know that name.
He's an explosives expert out of Atlanta.
-His nickname-- -Joe the Blow, used to work for the ClA.
Hey, you're quick.
Anyway, look, he just flew in, that's where he's staying.
Good luck.
-Thanks.
-I'm not just doing this for you.
Hey, if this town remains crime-free I'm looking at having to live on three meals an hour.
No, I think it'll be smoother if I'm partner-free tonight.
Housekeeping.
We have a problem.
-The reporter-- -ls on to Joe the Blow.
If she links him to that museum.
Well, I know I'm kind of new at all this business talk but is it a big problem killing her? She's kind of tight with Superman.
It makes it complicated.
-Unless -Yes? you came up with some kind of really brilliant way of keeping him busy Iike getting him out of town by causing some kind of big disaster someplace else.
-Hi, Clark.
-Hi, Marsh.
Can I get a cap, please? .
.
is becoming ever more serious as the reactor is continuing to emit deadly radioactive gas.
Authorities in Philadelphia don 't know how many workers are still trapped or how long their oxygen will last.
I'll be right back.
Don 't move, Lois, and don 't step off of the mat.
Do you like to exercise? You look like you 're in pretty good shape.
Do a lot of jumping jacks, do you? Well, start now.
Stay on the mat and keep the beat.
The rules are simple.
Stop and die.
Slow down and die.
Okay, Lois Iet's feel the burn.
Come on, Lois, faster.
You see, you gotta double your speed every 1 0 minutes or Mr.
Bomb gets very upset.
Superman.
Superman! Help! That's it.
Go, girl.
Think of what a great.
Iooking corpse you 'll make.
Want some water? Just kidding.
Super-- Superman.
I can't-- Superman, help.
Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock.
Break a sweat yet, Lois? No pain, no gain.
Keep those knees up, girl.
Can't-- No-- Bye.
bye.
Are you all right? Fine.
Thanks.
-What is it? -What is what? Come on, Lois, I know that look.
I' m not giving you any look.
Exactly.
It's your not-giving-me-any-look look.
Well, since you asked, what took you an hour? A nuclear reactor was melting down in Philadelphia.
What's your point? I just think maybe you're taking my jeopardy a little for granted these days.
-What? -You know, I can understand.
It's not the same new, sizzling romance.
I don't look at you like a cheerleader.
Maybe you see me differently too.
I'm just good old Lois, get to me whenever.
That's ridiculous.
Well, just food for thought.
Anyway, if you're not too busy maybe we should try and find the guy who did this.
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
This is going to be the greatest party ever.
Great art, great food, lots of money raised for the Church Group.
And everyone is going to love the new you as much as I do, hunky.
As much as we do, Dad.
Look.
Balloons.
You know, I wanna go buy them all and give them to the children.
He's losing brain cells by the second.
Well, as crazy as he is, he can still read a paper.
-lf Lois Lane publishes what she knows-- -No, she still doesn't know anything except she's about to get an invitation to a party she won't be able to resist.
And what about Superman? oh, we plan just a little better for him this time.
So we went back to the hotel, but Joe the Blow was gone.
In fact, according to the computer register, he was never there.
-So we don't have clue one.
-Well, we have clue half.
I went into his toolbox and I found a diagram of the Museum of Art.
And then this morning, Clark and I both got one-- Me too.
Bill Church, Sr.
This Saturday, at the museum.
So the only connection I can see is that Bill Church, Sr just started buying Picassos like they were comic books.
I'll tell you what.
We-- We're all going to the party.
But we are going with the Metropolis Bomb Squad.
Martha.
I know it's rude to stop by without calling first and even ruder to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, but l-- Clark told you.
Everything? Come on in.
Son, I never told you this before but your mother turned me down the first time I asked her to marry me.
What? You're kidding.
Actually, the first two times.
Well, what did you do? I sulked, dove into my work.
Unfortunately, it was winter so I looked pretty silly plowing up all those fields in the snow.
Anyway, around springtime, I finally realized that getting married wasn't just about my feelings.
Your mom was young, she was scared.
She knew that she loved me.
But was it a lifetime kind of love? -She needed-- -Time.
You know, time to think it over to get to know him for who he really is.
I mean, that's not unreasonable.
oh, not at all.
But you need to understand that Clark has always been alone.
When he was 1 3 and just beginning to be really strong, really, really strong he made the decision on his own never to tell anybody.
He said he wanted to fit in.
But, of course, he couldn't.
Not really.
It broke my heart, watching him having to hide so many things afraid he was always gonna be alone.
You know I love him.
Then tell him.
And make him tell you.
You can get through everything else.
God, I turned Jonathan down four times before we finally made it down the aisle.
-Really? -Yes.
I thought he was crazy.
Every time I turned him down, he'd go out and plow another field of snow.
This is so nice.
Almost 30 years.
You're the first woman I've ever been able to talk to about my boy.
The bomb's all set? In a few minutes, this museum is going to be the world's most expensive pile of ashes.
oh, Billy, I promise we'll visit your dad in prison every Sunday.
Every other Sunday would be fine.
He wasn't much of a father.
Hi.
Hi.
-You looking into things? -Yeah.
So that's what you've been doing when you pulled your glasses down.
I thought you had astigmatism.
-Look, I had something I wanted to say.
-Me too.
The bomb squad boys are in the museum.
They're making a clean sweep.
They're dressed as guards.
They're gonna be out of here in a few minutes.
Get ready for an exclusive.
olsen! Where's your camera? Anyway, I guess we should try and find the bomb catch the bad guys, blah, blah, blah, and we can get out of here and talk.
Good plan.
What? Just found a job for Superman.
Superman, this is the prerecorded voice of your friendly neighborhood bomber.
I'm at a frequency only you can hear to let you know that your singularly dense molecular structure has triggered my autosensors and if you move a millimeter:.
Clark, what's wrong? Lois, I can't move or I'll set off the bomb.
Enjoying the party? Pardon me.
Don 't even think about getting to the bomb before it goes off.
As fast as you are, you 'll never make it.
The bomb is underneath the table.
But the sensors are locked onto me.
I can't move.
-I have an idea.
-Wait, Lois, don't-- Lois! I lost something very personal.
Excuse me, Dad.
I wonder if you could spare five minutes.
-I've got a surprise for you.
-What kind of surprise? Well, a little something I bought.
I'd like us to donate to the museum together.
oh, son.
It's being delivered to the store, so I thought we could bring it back.
Why don't you go ahead and I'll meet you in the car.
-Sure.
-That's an excellent suggestion.
Bye, pookie.
Don't be long.
The bomb is set to go off at 4:00.
Cops will get that anonymous tip from you come get Dad at Cost Mart, and then-- And then a little family reunion at your place.
Clark, if you can hear me, say my name.
Loud enough so I can hear you.
Lois.
-I didn't hear you.
-Lois! okay, what I'm looking at appears to be some sort of computer clock and it's wired to this real big canister of what I can only assume is-- oh, let's not dwell on that.
Do I want to detach the wires? If I'm right, say "Lois.
" -lf I'm wrong, say "Lane.
" -Lois.
Okay, there's a red wire and a blue wire and a green wire.
-What happened, son, you lose her? -No, chief.
-I think I should detach the red wire.
-Lane.
-The blue? -Lane.
oh, boy.
Things so bad between you two you gotta resort to calling her Lane? -So it's the green? -Lois.
That's better.
Now, you know, Clark I kind of took a private vow to steer clear of you two, but, well-- -Should I detach it from the clock? -Lane.
oh, Clark, please.
Will you stop playing around? -The explosive? -Lois.
Got it.
What the sam hill's going on here? Kent, you gotta figure out how you're gonna treat her and you gotta be consistent.
Now-- Now, go find her.
Bad boy.
oh, Lord, this is worse than I thought.
-You okay? -Yeah.
Little shaky.
-You did great.
-We did great.
Billy, this is beautiful.
It's gonna look wonderful in the museum.
Well, in about two minutes, it'll sure stand out.
I think I'm gonna cry.
oh, don't cry, Dad.
I'll visit every other Sunday.
What? What is this? -Be gentle.
-I'm in recovery.
No, no.
Wait.
This is some kind of mistake.
Yeah, a mistake, right.
We got a tip linking you to him.
And that bomb in the museum.
Bomb? What's going on? Mindy.
It was Mindy, that double-crossing, two-timing-- Billy, don't talk about your mother like that.
Boys it doesn't look very good for father and son which means there's a new boss in town.
So get ready for some changes.
"Churches Arrested, Bomber Confesses.
" Now, these are what I call headlines.
And the fall of lntergang.
I' m not so sure about that one.
I miss all those guys in the black suits helping everybody.
I wonder what they're gonna do, now they're all fired.
Very good question.
Here's my very good answer.
Give me your wallets.
I don't think so.
You should turn around.
Look, I'm willing to admit this was a bad career move.
I didn't really think it out.
Well, the nicest thing about jail there's plenty of time to ponder those life choices.
Come on.
-Lois, can I speak with you? -Sure.
There's something I'd like to show you.
-You cold? -A little.
Here.
It's so beautiful.
I used to come up here a lot by myself and just drift.
Not part of the stars, not part of the Earth not really knowing where I fit in, until I met you.
-Oh, Clark.
-Lois, I'll wait for you.
I'll wait for you as long as you need.
I want you to know I love you.
And you're not alone anymore.