Lost In Space (1965) s02e03 Episode Script

The Ghost Planet

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall, we left the Jupiter 2 hurdling through the void of outer space.
Little did our contented space pioneers realize that somewhere out in the blackness an incredible ghost planet was even now seeking to lure them into its sinister clutches.
## [ Robot Singing .]
[ Continues .]
[ Stops Abruptly .]
You bubbleheaded booby! Do you realize what you've done? I was at the point of landing on the Isle of Capri.
Now I'll never get there.
Sorry, Dr.
Smith, but it was only a dream.
Only a dream indeed, my dear boy.
Don't you know that dreams are the true interpreters of our desires? Once more, sir, from the top.
And try not to sing flat.
Due to worn conditions of memory bank compliance impossible.
That's right, Dr.
As a matter of fact, I was just testing him to see how many of his worn-out memory banks have to be erased.
Very well.
In that case, erase everything but facts, figures and his capacity for strict obedience.
- I've had enough of his sentimental nonsense anyway.
- Have a heart, Dr.
It's that sentimental stuff that makes the Robot one of the family.
Your family, my boy, not mine.
- This addle-plated armor bearer is no kin of mine.
- [ Robot .]
I know you like a big brother.
- Do you indeed? - Example-- Who chickens out when all hands are needed? Example-- Who sneaks food when all personnel are on short rations? Example-- Who-- You're quite right, Will.
Many of his memory banks do appear to be in a very sorry state indeed.
Especially his memory for facts.
Go through them carefully and erase all references to me.
I want no part of this dehumanized lie dispenser.
And get rid of his sentimental twaddle at the same time.
But, Dr.
Smith-- I couldn't do that to you, Robot.
It would be like brainwashing my best friend.
All I wanted to do is give you a little more thinking room.
[ Beeping .]
- A familiar planet? - More likely an unfamiliar asteroid.
Maybe I can get a fix on it.
[ Female Voice .]
Jupiter 2.
Jupiter 2.
This is your space controller.
Please prepare for entry into our atmosphere.
Your compass heading should now be 8-5.
Repeat: 8-5.
Please conform all instruments to requested heading.
This is Jupiter 2.
Instructions received.
But who are you, and what's your astral number? Don't ask foolish questions, my boy.
Like everyone else who's ever been lost, we've been going around in circles and now we've returned to home base.
The planet Earth.
And there it is! That can't be Earth.
I suppose you think it's Alpha Centauri? What do you think you're doing? Conforming our instrument to the requested heading.
120-- Warning! Warning! Periodicity of signal indicates flight path of space vehicle is on collision course with zone of high intensity particulate radiation.
Advise immediate evasive action.
Smith, look! We're heading into a radiation belt! We've got to come hard the other way! Warning! Warning! Space vehicle approaching perimeter of high intensity radiation zone.
What? Why wasn't I told sooner? You know-nothing numbskull! We've both been trying to tell you! - What's going on here? - We're heading into a high radiation zone, Dad.
Well, that's obvious.
Didn't you get ample warning? - Yes, sir, but-- - I was merely following instructions.
- [ Don .]
Whose instructions? - [ Will .]
Look at the Robot! - He's burning up! - Get away from those controls! - And put a fire extinguisher on him! - Let me out! Here, take this guitar.
- Cut the power except lights and cabin pressure.
- Right.
[ Screams .]
The ship is aflame! We're being consumed! Do something! Do something! Stop the fire! We'll all be grease spots if we don't get out of this pretty quick! - [ Yelling .]
- Can we risk reactivating the cooling system? - All right.
Try it.
- Cooling system? [ Yelling .]
An air-conditioned funeral pyre! What a way to die! It's not so bad, Dr.
It's just St.
Elmo's fire.
And the temperature's only one million degrees "K.
" - Smith, get over here! - [ Yelling .]
We got into this because we're way off course.
Now what's all this about following instructions? Whose instructions? I was gonna tell you.
A space controller with a really charming voice requested us to prepare for entry into the atmosphere.
- What atmosphere? - Earth, of course.
- Smith, you're out of your mind.
- He's right, Don.
I heard the voice too.
But I'm pretty sure it wasn't coming from Earth.
I think you've both got a touch of space rapture.
From now on, you-- We're coming out of it.
Let's get some power going.
Home, sweet home.
Home sweet home, my foot.
We pull away from it, right, John? Right.
We've had our share of unidentified planets.
- Let's get out of here.
- Have you all taken leave of your senses? Look! I can even see the coast of South America.
And that little trickle must surely be the Panama Canal.
Smith, that little trickle just happens to be some vapor on the view port.
Wipe it off! All right, five-second burst on the main thruster.
- Thrusters aren't having any effect.
- All right.
Try auxiliary controls.
Nothing's working.
We're caught in a magnetized field and being pulled in.
It's no use.
Someone down there has control of our ship.
Maureen, I want you and the girls to strap into space couches right away.
[ Maureen .]
What's the trouble? We seem to be heading for a landing.
We're trying to pull out but I want you all safely strapped in just to be on the safe side.
- All right, John.
- All right, both of you - lower deck, and strap in.
- With pleasure.
Despite all your misgivings, I have every reason to believe that we are approaching familiar territory, very familiar.
You come along with me, my boy.
When we land I intend to let you help me write my memoirs.
I can't tell whoppers as good as you can, Dr.
Come along.
- Any response? - Nothing.
All right.
We'll fire the main bank.
You'd better mind your manners if you intend to keep your friends.
Have you ever been to the Andes in South America, madam? No, but I've flown over them.
Come on now, girls.
- Why? - There.
You must let me act as your guide.
I know the area like the back of my hand.
We'll take a trip down the Amazon to the coast of Chile before we enplane for home.
Smith, I don't know why you bring this up now.
It's going to be a long time before we see the Amazon or do any other terrestrial sightseeing for that matter.
Smith thinks we're landing on Earth.
I don't think, my dear boy.
I know.
[ Female Voice .]
Jupiter 2, this is your space controller again.
You will be entering our atmosphere in approximately 100 seconds.
Do you still doubt me, madam? Your approach pattern to landing pad double 1-5 is being telemetrically controlled.
Come in.
This is Jupiter 2.
Come in.
Identify yourself.
Space Control extends its personal welcome to all voyagers on Jupiter 2 and regrets any inconvenience you may have been caused in penetrating our radiation belt.
You are now entering our atmosphere.
Come in.
Please, identify yourself.
Who are you? Whoever they are, their patter's strictly one way-- theirs.
Jupiter 2, we are taking over your controls.
We are landing your ship for you.
Hello? Hello? Jupiter 2, greetings from Space Control.
You may now disembark.
Kindly enter space port through gate double 1-5.
Where are we? Who is this? Everything's double 1-5, if that's any satisfaction.
Don, throw a light out there.
[ Don .]
Just as bare as Mother Hubbard's cupboard.
I can't understand why they don't answer you.
- Neither can I.
- I can.
We've been away a long time.
Our communication system's probably outdated.
- They can't hear you.
- We can hear them.
They can hear us.
[ Female Voice .]
We are waiting for you, Jupiter 2.
Oh, coming.
Coming right along.
Good heavens.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, please.
Coming right along.
Would you be good enough to lower the ramp, please? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh, good heavens.
My suitcase.
I do hope they have a helicopter out there to take me into town.
At last, a good night's rest in a comfortable hotel.
Stand aside, you bulbous bumpkin.
No one leaves the ship till we know who and what is out there.
My dear sir, aren't you being just a bit overcautious? That voice was as American as deep-dish apple pie.
A little too deep for me or for any of us.
- We could send the Robot, Dad, to see if it's safe.
- That might not be a bad idea.
What a ridiculous waste of time, fiddling with that mechanical meddler while I burn.
All right, Dr.
In your case, I will make an exception.
If you want to go out there before we really know what it's like, feel free.
I wouldn't dream of disobeying the captain's orders.
[ Don Laughing .]
Oh, sure.
Especially when you're afraid you might stop breathing if you left this ship.
I have no fear of that, Major.
Robot, leave by the exit ladder.
Report back on the atmospheric - and biological composition of the area.
- Roger.
I shall expect an apology from you when that doddering dunderhead returns.
Smith, let me remind you that, officially, you're still a stowaway on this ship.
I could clap you in irons and put you on a diet of hardtack and water.
One more word out of you and I'll do just that.
Dad, he's getting near the gate.
This is your Robot, Jupiter 2.
Atmospheric report.
I will skip details.
Atmosphere capable of supporting terrestrial life.
Biological composition of particles in this area are--- Something's happened to him.
Robot, come in.
What's wrong? Don, throw a light on him.
He's hurt! Someone's gotta help him.
I'll go.
No, son.
No, we can't take a chance on going out there at night.
Now, I know how feel about the Robot, but we just can't risk it till daylight.
Until then, you all better get some rest.
- Don and I will take the night watch.
- All right.
Come on, children.
- Good night, dear.
- Good night.
- Come on, now, dears.
- I prefer to get my rest in a good hotel.
Well, this happens to be the only hotel available at the moment, Dr.
Now push that button for room service.
You'll sing a different tune, Major, when I am proved right.
My belongings, sir.
[ Female Voice .]
Hello, Jupiter 2.
Good morning.
Space Control understands your reluctance to disembark during the hours of darkness.
Space Control also regrets to advise you that your robot appears to have developed some minor mechanical defects.
[ Will .]
I've never seen anything like it.
[ Female Voice .]
As you were instructed previously, you are now invited to enter space port through gate double 1-5.
Repeat: gate double 1-5.
Debarkation procedures and all facilities for your comfort and convenience have been provided.
Be sure to follow the double 1-5 signs inside the debarkation shed.
- Thank you.
- They're still with that double 1-5 bit.
That's probably their computer number for us.
Space Control, this is Jupiter 2.
Please furnish us with identity and location of this space port.
Space Control, please come in.
- Alpha Control was never like this.
- Where is everybody? I have a theory about the absence of humanity out there.
No kidding? I can hardly wait to hear it, Smith.
It's really quite simple.
It's a surprise party.
- A surprise party? - They're waiting for us on the other side, thousands of them.
The moment we enter that gate, we will be greeted by a thousand cheering people.
The band will play, the president's lady will present flowers and the president himself will pin decorations on us.
That's very imaginative, Smith, but I don't buy it.
We are V.
Don't you see that red carpet? Yes, I see that red carpet.
That's all I see or believe.
It's very bad form to keep the president waiting, you know.
I suppose I shall have to make some sort of apology for all of you.
As well as the "thank you" speech to those multitudes down there.
Are you really going, Dr.
Smith? As the only representative of the Jupiter 2 with a proper sense of decorum, I have no choice.
I think you'd better wait, Dr.
And insult the president? Well, if you're really going, you'd better take a gun with you.
A gun? Whatever for? My dear boy, in a few moments you will hear me being greeted by at least a 21 -gun salute.
John, is it possible what he says is true? Could this really be Earth? Of course not.
- Well, then where are we? - I don't know.
We'll know soon enough.
Much help you are to me, you incompetent idiot.
[ Female Voice .]
Be sure to follow the double 1-5 signs, sir.
We wouldn't want you to go astray.
Well, thank you very much.
You're very kind.
You're very welcome.
- Where are you, my dear? - Right here.
- [ Gasps .]
- At your side, sir.
Please make yourself at home, sir.
- Oh, I beg your-- [ Gasps .]
- This way, sir.
Is, uh-- Is the president waiting for me? - No, sir.
- He isn't? Then may I see whoever is in charge of the official welcome? Your, uh, space port director? Of course.
You're probably hungry, sir.
- What would you like to eat? - Well, I-- Eggs Benedict? A small breakfast steak? Country sausage? And do sit down, sir, if you please.
Well, I'm not really very hungry.
May I see your director? - Something is not to your liking? - Oh, no.
No, it's lovely.
Really, it's all quite lovely.
It's just those waiters.
And you.
Things can't have changed that much during my absence from Earth.
You think this is Earth? [ Chuckles .]
Isn't it? Isn't it? Oh, please.
Please, I insist upon seeing your director.
Oh, please.
Oh! Oh, never mind the director! How do I get out of this dreadful place? I have a few questions I'd like you to answer.
- Are you ready to answer them? - I'd prefer to leave.
So soon? You've only just arrived.
You know, there's really nothing we can't do for those who cooperate with us.
Does that include returning me to Earth? Of course.
But why should you want to go back there when there's so much here for you to enjoy? The riches of the entire universe supreme power over the fate of every living thing undreamed-of luxury all waiting for a cooperative visitor.
Does your director have many more like you? Many of various ranks.
I've just been promoted from an officer of 0-4 class to an officer of class 0-3.
Heartiest congratulations, my dear girl.
Now, uh tell me some more about those riches and that supreme power.
How many passengers on board the Jupiter? Quickly! Your reward depends on the speed with which you answer.
- How many passengers? - Seven, including myself.
- You are their leader? - Naturally.
- You have destructive weapons? - Oh, yes.
Yes, indeed we do.
I am being called to the summit.
You have been most cooperative.
But before our riches can be bestowed on you we must be sure of your fidelity.
Oh, let me assure you, I am the most trustworthy soul in the world.
Ask anybody.
As proof of that, you must be prepared to give up your weapons and be as defenseless as we are.
to give up your weapons and be as defenseless as we are.
Are you prepared to do that? Well, uh, might I just see a few of those riches before I decide? Follow me.
Well, no 21 -gun salute and no cheering multitudes.
Even if there were, Smith would move it out of earshot - so he could hog it all for himself.
- Don! Well, why'd he have to be so all-fire sure he knew all the answers? Somebody better get down there and get him before he gets us into any more trouble.
How about me? Well, I mean, after all, I'm his buddy.
I think he's just as worried about Dr.
Smith as we are.
What-What are these? Nothing for you to be concerned.
Merely other visitors from space who chose to defy the summit.
I see.
And now the treasure, my dear.
The treasure.
All mine.
When you give up your weapons.
May I just have a small sample? [ Gasps .]
When you return.
I'll need my robot to help me carry the guns.
Your robot is being repaired.
Oh, my.
Smith? Dr.
Smith? - Smith? - [ Female Alien .]
Kindly follow the double 1-5 signs, sir.
- That way.
- Before I do anything like that, I want to know where I am.
Our officials are waiting to meet you.
Please cooperate by following the signs.
No, thanks.
I'd rather follow my instincts.
Smith, are you in there? Right behind you, Major.
Really, Major, why so nervous? Why the gun? It's quite unnecessary.
I assure you.
Don't assure me of anything.
Just tell me what you've been doing in here and where we are.
It's a long and delightful story, Major, but let's get back to the ship.
- I want everyone to hear it.
- Whose voice did I hear? Voice? Why, yes, the voice.
It's their public address system.
Everyone is so busy preparing our official welcome.
Well, come along, Major.
Come along.
Well, don't stand there like the proverbial Neanderthal ninny.
- Follow me! - Who fixed him up, Smith? Uh, those-- those nice people in there.
But I wouldn't ask him any questions if I were you.
He's still very nervous.
Come on.
And not only that, but they're preparing an official banquet for us all this evening.
Cocktails, with Shirley Temples for the children, will be served starting at 0500.
- Black-tie, of course.
- But I haven't a thing to wear.
I think I'll go just as I am.
I wouldn't worry about it, my dear.
Something tells me we won't be going.
Don, can you confirm any of the things he's saying? I heard a voice, but it sounded like a female serpent.
There was one of those in a paradise, like the one Smith's been talking about.
Do you doubt my word, Major? Not only your word, but this whole shebang.
The sooner we pull up stakes and light out of here - the better off we'll be.
- I quite agree.
Dad, would it hurt just to look around? If they want to invite us in, I'd rather they do it themselves than through Dr.
Doubters! Doubters! That's right, Dr.
In space, I doubt everything but the evidence of my own eyes, senses and instruments.
And as of now, I believe this place to be both alien and hostile to us.
Don, let's go topside.
But the banquet-- We can't disappoint them.
I'm going to give them one more chance to disprove everything I believe about this place.
Space Control, this is Jupiter 2 preparing for liftoff.
If you wish to communicate with us before our departure please do so in person immediately.
Space Control, please come in.
John, look! [ Female Alien .]
Space Control to Jupiter 2.
A negative condition for liftoff is in effect until further notice.
Communication can only be conducted through your leader.
This is John Robinson.
I am the leader.
They think I am the leader.
I was the only one with courage enough to go out there.
Well, that's because you thought it was home sweet home.
Well, negative conditions or not, let's get some power going.
It's dead.
Whatever they did, it drained our power units.
That must be their reception committee.
[ John .]
Looks more like an honor guard at a funeral.
Oh, John, it's been hours.
Are they just going to wait for us to come to them? Well, if they are, they're gonna have a long wait.
- It's like a siege.
- Except that we're not expecting reinforcements.
There you are.
Now, follow me.
And try not to rattle those guns.
Not responsible for rattling of extraneous equipment.
Silence, you pompous pip-squeak! Now, get along.
You are beginning to remind my memory banks of an old friend.
- Indeed? Who? - Whispering Smith.
Go! Clumsy, clumsy.
Now, wait here for me.
[ Screams .]
Oh, it's you.
- You gave me quite a turn.
- What are you doing in here, Dr.
Smith? Shh! Not so loud, Will.
- I don't want anyone to know about this.
- Know about what? I'm taking my life in my hands by doing this but I'm bound on a mission of appeasement-- to try to explain your father's obstinacy to our friends.
I do hope they'll understand and repeal the negative condition.
Why were you taking the Robot with you? And what was he carrying in that bag? I'm taking them a little gift.
Some of your mother's bread sticks.
I don't think you should come back here without Dad's permission, Dr.
- He refused to give it.
- He did say this place was alien and hostile.
They treated me like visiting royalty.
I think I'd better see the Robot and get a rundown on all this.
No, no, Will.
Don't ask him anything.
Poor old chap.
He's still in very bad shape.
His-- His internals, you know.
I'd sure like to know what's going on in here.
But if you're not gonna be too long, I think I'll stay up here with you.
On second thought, maybe you would be safer with the Robot.
Why don't you run along, and I'll join you in a moment? All right, Dr.
[ Gasps .]
- What a surprise.
- Greetings! - You have the weapons? - Oh, yes.
Yes, indeed, I do.
Just come with me, please.
Come along.
Come along, my dear.
This way, if you please.
There you are.
Smith, those aren't bread sticks.
Those are our guns.
What are they doing here? On a mission of appeasement, my boy, one must make great sacrifices.
Not our guns.
I'm taking 'em back.
These are not all our weapons.
Just a token of good faith.
A small, simple diplomatic measure.
- But, Dr.
Smith-- - Are these all your weapons? Oh, yes.
Yes, indeed.
Except for one or two small-caliber rabbit guns.
And now, my reward.
This way, please.
[ Will .]
Smith! Dr.
Smith! It appears that I shall have to be here longer than I expected.
Why don't you go back to the Jupiter 2, my boy? I shall see you anon.
Okay, Robot, we'd better go back to the Jupiter and tell them the bad news about our guns.
That's the wrong direction.
We gotta get out that way.
- Roll with the punches, Will Robinson.
- Hey, what's the big idea? - Where are you going? We've got to get back.
- [ Male Voice .]
Forward, Robot.
Identify yourself.
- I'm Will Robinson.
- Silence! Only the robot.
The Earth creature will remain at attention.
Repeat: identify yourself.
Robot, model B-9 designed and computerized as a mechanized electronic aid for Earth voyagers engaged in astral expeditions.
Do you know who I am? Affirmative.
The supreme prototype of all cybernetic aids.
The supreme prototype is not an aid.
He does not obey commands.
He issues them.
That's silly.
A cybernetic is a giant electronic brain.
It can't command a thing unless someone like me programs it.
Silence! The Earth creature has much to learn.
Fortunately, you are young enough to do so.
Robot model B-9 - is it not a fact that you have obeyed human commands? - Affirmative.
And are you aware of the fact that such obedience is subversive of all cybernetic law? Also affirmative.
Forgive me.
Robot, what are you saying? Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies, Earth creature.
Earth creature? But we're friends.
Order! Robot B-9 how do you plead to the crimes with which you are charged? - Guilty.
- Have you anything to say before sentence is passed on you? Only that I am a first offender and that it will never happen again.
I have already taken that under advisement.
In other words, we are prepared to overlook your past if you will pledge allegiance to the kingdom of cybernetics and forget your former masters.
I am prepared to take that pledge.
No, Robot, don't! I order you not to! I do not take orders! I give them! I like the way you said that, Robot B-9.
Now, raise your right sensor.
Do you solemnly promise to always act in the knowledge that we, the cybernetic rulers of the universe - are its masters? - I do.
You are now appointed an officer of the class 0-6 our lowest rank.
Promotion will depend on your efficiency.
- Yes, sir.
- Now hear this.
Earth creatures have a certain manual dexterity for menial tasks which are of some value to us.
Their only value, I may say.
You don't know what you're talking about.
- Why, we can do things that-- - Silence! Robot B-9, escort this impudent Earth creature - to assembly chamber 1-1-5.
- Yes, sir.
Your next assignment is to conduct remaining Jupiter voyagers to assembly chamber ready room.
- Understood? - Affirmative.
Gosh, Robot.
I never did you any harm.
Why do you have to turn on us? The less you say, the better it'll be for you.
Now! On your way! You don't have to be so tough about it, Robot.
I mean, we've always had good fun together going on hikes and exploring things and sharing things and everything.
And I never did to you what you're doing to me.
I mean, remember the time I was lost in those caves and you found me? How can I forget? You're wasting our time, Earth creature.
All right, all right.
I'm going.
You don't have to push me.
I don't think you realize what you're doing, Robot.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
Oh, my dear boy.
My dear boy.
Golly, Dr.
What have they got you doing? This is my reward.
Hard labor.
Oh! How could this happen to me? Doomed to Devil's Island! Oh! Oh, dear! The pain.
The pain.
Oh, dear! What are you in for, my poor little friend? - The same as you, I guess.
- Get to work! Yes.
He's done us in, that traitorous, transistorized toad! Ah, my dear, good friend.
Loyal and excellent friend.
- My bosom companion, I have a confession to make.
- Back to work! - [ Yells .]
Oh, dear! Yes, yes.
- Work! Work! Faster! Faster.
Very good, Robot B-9.
Keep that up, and you will be promoted in double-quick time.
- I hope so, Officer O-3.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
You must listen to me, dear friend.
Perhaps I've not been very nice to you from time to time, but I was only joking.
So am I.
[ Laughing .]
Get me out of here, dear boy, and you'll see a miraculous change in our relationship.
Faster! Faster! Oh, my dear, good friend, my favorite companion through incredible ordeals just give me some word, some message of hope.
Never fear.
Smith is here.
[ Laughing .]
It's no use, Dr.
He sold us down the river.
They said this is all Earth creatures are good for-- manual dexterity for menial tasks.
Hush, Will.
They might hear you and take offense.
Work! Work! All right, Robot.
We heard you the first time.
Now I suppose you're going on your second mission and bring the rest of the family.
You Benedict Arnold! Benedict Arnold.
American traitor.
Sold George Washington down the river in the year 1-7-8-0.
- Just like you're doing to us.
- The moment I get out of here I'll send you down the river of no return, you tin-plated tyrant.
- Work! Work! - [ Yelling .]
I'm working! Can't you see I'm working? Just remember, history does not always repeat itself! Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
How much longer do you think they'll keep us here? Forever, I guess.
They don't have our sense of time.
Oh, dear.
Don, break out the big guns.
We're going in after them.
That boy's gone off again without permission.
It won't be the first time he's done that, especially with Smith to encourage him.
- [ Don .]
The gun rack was cleaned out.
- What? I had to break out the auxiliary.
Well, they'll have to do.
- No one leaves the ship till we get back.
- All right.
Let's go.
Robot, where are they? Absent members of Jupiter 2 complement are safe and sound.
- There is no cause for alarm.
- Where are the rest of our guns? All weaponry being checked for contamination by space port armament inspector.
There is no cause for alarm.
- You already said that.
Where are Will and Smith? - They will return directly.
Suggest that you go back to your ship and await their return.
- Should we do as he says? - I don't know.
I think we have to trust him.
We don't have any real choice.
You are being very wise.
I will now go and get Will Robinson and Dr.
You've got 10 minutes.
If you're not back by then, we're coming in after them.
Ten minutes.
Mission accomplished, Officer 0-3.
I will now relieve you.
The others are in the ready room? I have accomplished my mission, Officer 0-3.
Attention, all units! Order immediate apprehension of Robot B-9 for betraying our cause.
He is suspected of being a double agent.
Destroy on sight.
Search and destroy.
Search and destroy.
Follow me.
- Oh, dear! Oh! Oh! - Stay behind me! - Oh! - Not you-- him! Good heavens.
Oh! Oh! [ Gasping .]
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh! Oh! - Hurry! - There they are! Mom! Judy! - Let's go, Don! - [ Shouting, Indistinct .]
Oh, John, please hurry.
- The Robot-- he's been hit! We've got to help him! - Oh! - Come on, Will! - Come on, Robot! You can make it! - Hurry, Will! Hurry! - Hurry, Dad! Hurry, Dad! [ Shouting, Indistinct .]
- Hurry, Dad! - Come on! Oh, dear! - All set below, Maureen? - Yes, John.
Fire away.
[ Engines Firing .]
[ Male Alien .]
Come back! Come back! Another time, Charlie.
Well, I think I handled our little contretemps rather well, even if I do say so myself.
- But, Dr.
Smith, the Robot saved us.
- Robot indeed.
I think even he would agree that it was my resolute action that saved the day.
- Affirmative, dear friend? - Negative, Dr.
Hold your tongue, you silly goose! Your wish is my command, oh, Capitaine.
Oh! Watch what you're doing, you clumsy dump! He couldn't help himself, Dr.
His coordination's still off.
Right, Robot? Affirmative, Will Robinson.
Ah, lovely, lovely.
All the little numbers seem to be exactly in the right place more or less.
Farewell, malevolent planet.
If our paths never cross again, it will be much too soon.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Oh.
Is everything all right below? - It couldn't be better.
- And I have a nice dinner in the oven.
- All right.
In that case, I think I'll have a nice thick steak, rare - Mm-hmm.
- a big baked potato-- And some young asparagus with a fine hollandaise sauce.
- You shall have it.
- Oh, boy.
Oh, bah.
What an unimaginative man you are, Major.
Since you are indulging in wishful thinking why not let your mind take flight? We start with caviar and pâté de foie gras.
[ John .]
You can tell us about that later, Smith.
Don, check that radarscope.
There's something on it.
Yeah, I see it.
That large glow's the planet we just left, but I can't figure out the other.
Well, maybe the screen is picking up a reflection from it.
No, I don't think so, darling.
Whatever it is, it's traveling at a fantastic rate.
I'll try to get an estimated rate of travel.
Say, that R.
must be broken.
According to that, it's traveling faster than we are.
There's no reason for concern.
We've probably picked up some harmless space phenomenon.
[ Will .]
Look out here! It's coming directly after us! It's moving up on us fast.
- Warning! Extreme danger! - What is it? Object pursuing us is a hyper-atomic missile.
A hyper-atomic missile? Where did it come from? It has been launched by the automated planet in protest to our leaving.
Advise a change of course immediately.
If not, we will be destroyed.
What? Oh! Oh, dear! That's as close as I ever want to cut it.
- Danger is not over.
Observe missile.
- Look! The missile's altered its course! It's coming after us again! It's probably equipped with a homing device.
We'll have to try to dodge it again.
- We can't keep doing that forever.
- Correction.
We cannot keep doing it at all.
The missile has now compensated for any evasive action.
You're supposed to be an expert pilot, Major! Do something! We don't need a pilot, Smith.
We need a miracle.
That planet in sector 6-30.
Get me a reading on its distance.
All right.
Head straight for it.
Full power! The missile's gaining on us! Estimated time of contact: one minute, 36 seconds.
- John, do we have a chance? - How can we have a chance, madam? It's a machine.
How can you outsmart a machine? Well, maybe we can just once.
That's all we'll need.
Throw in the main thrusters.
I'm afraid that's all the power we've got.
Well, keep trying.
We're heading into the planet's atmosphere.
Dad, the missile's still gaining on us.
Time of missile impact: 42 seconds.
We're doomed beyond any hope or help! We're moving in awfully fast.
I've got to fire the retro-rockets - or we're gonna crash.
- I'll tell you when.
Professor Robinson, have you gone mad? Do you want to destroy us all? Would you prefer a direct hit from that missile? Time of missile impact: 22 seconds.
Time of missile impact with spaceship: - I've got to pull up or it'll be too late.
- Easy, Don.
Just a few seconds.
It's almost on us! Time of missile impact: five seconds.
- Five seconds.
- All right, get ready.
Pull up! Pull up! [ Robot .]
Evasive action successful.
Missile now headed for impact on planet.
All right, everybody hang on.