Lost In Space (1965) s02e02 Episode Script

Wild Adventure

[ Man Narrating ] Last week, as you recall we left the Jupiter 2 and our space pioneers contentedly streaking through the heavens unaware that a giant space mass was even now hurtling out of the blackness directly towards them.
We must be nearly a million miles out in space, Dad.
Closer to two million, son.
Wow.
We must be traveling at close to speed of light.
Just about, Will.
What a pity we have no idea where we're traveling to.
We'll know, once we spot a familiar star and get a fix on it.
Trouble is there are billions of stars out there, and they all look familiar.
He's right.
I can't tell one from the other.
Of course not, silly.
You don't know anything about astronomy.
But Dad does, and so does Don.
That is devoutly to be wished.
Howsoever, I think I shall do a little stargazing on my own.
You mean you're gonna take another nap.
Spare me the barbs, Major.
Just remember, they laughed at Copernicus too.
You, sir, come with me.
And you can come with me, my dears.
I wanna stay here with Dad and Don.
They may need my help.
- Not as much as I do.
- Holy cow! Now, let's see.
Earth should be back here.
- [ Beeping ] - John! Maneuver around it! We can't get around it! We've had it! Whoa! [ Shouting ] We're gonna crash! We're passing right through it.
- Will, switch on the analyzer.
- Right, Dad.
It's okay, Dr.
Smith.
We're not gonna crash.
You don't have to be afraid.
Afraid? I? It's just cosmic dust, Dad, a big ball of cosmic dust.
We're coming out of it.
- Well, for a minute, I really thought we had it.
- So did I.
There was no need to panic.
If either of you had thought to switch on the matter analyzer before you hit the alarm the women and children would have been spared a terrifying ordeal.
In space that can be a dangerous mistake.
Try not to let it happen again, please.
Come along.
- Someday.
- [ Chuckles ] [ Shouts ] I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! - Got what? - Our present position and our course for Earth.
There's no question about it.
The Robot has verified my instrument sightings and my calculations! Now, I'll just reset the astrogator and we'll be back on Earth in exactly four days seven hours and 43 minutes! Wait a minute, Smith! Wait a minute! Stop! Our destination is Alpha Centauri, not Earth, Doctor.
But we can find Earth, thanks to me.
And that's exactly where we're going! Aaah! - Aaah! - Will! Aaah! - Get away from there, Smith! - No! We're going back to Earth! Aaah! Good heavens! We're going out of control! Do something before we're all killed! Aaah! Get it open so I can put a jumper cable on it.
Right.
[ Shouts ] Help! Help! We'll all be electrocuted! [ Groaning ] Off! Get off me, you bloated blimp! Switch circuits! It's okay now.
We're back on course.
Couldn't have held on much longer.
Oh, that's all right, dear.
You did well.
Both of you.
From now on, you stay away from this! Surely, Major, you don't blame me for this mishap? - Who should I blame? - Why, yourself, of course.
- If you hadn't been so heavy-handed-- - Why, you-- Stand back, sir.
I warn you! Stand back, sir! Stay away from me! - Give me that slip of paper.
- You mean this? Our position and course for Earth? For the last time, Smith, our destination is Alpha Centauri.
I see.
Then, of course, you will have no further need for this.
- Just a minute.
- Yes? If you've plotted our position, I want you to give it to me.
Only if you give me your word you'll use it to get us back to Earth.
- Why, that's blackmail! - Call it what you will.
I have really no interest in camping out again on some dreary cinder in space! I'll get it from him.
One step closer, Major and I'll swallow it.
And since I was only able to find our position by accidentally sighting a familiar star the odds are a million to one that neither of you will be able to duplicate my calculations.
- He's right about that.
- Then Earth it is? Oh, come, come, Professor.
Every second you delay is taking us thousands of miles further off course.
All right, Smith.
You win.
We have a deal? Provided your calculations are correct, we have a deal.
Of that, you may be sure.
Verify them with the Robot.
Meanwhile, I'll go spread the good news that we shall be changing course for Earth in a matter of days! Ahhh! We're going back to Earth To wonderful wonderful Earth A ball, I recall as the best spot of all in all the universe We're going back to Earth We're really going back to Earth! A ball, I recall as the best spot of all in all the universe You shouldn't have made a deal with him.
Our orders were to go to Alpha Centauri, not back to Earth.
Until we know our position, we can't go anywhere.
Are Dr.
Smith's calculations correct? Affirmative.
However, the calculations are not Dr.
Smith's.
- They are mine.
- Well, it appears we made a deal with the devil.
A deal you intend to keep, right? I gave him my word.
Okay, then I'll set the astrogator on the course for Earth.
As I informed Dr.
Smith, Earth course is not advisable.
- Why? - From our position at this time of year the azimuth and inclination-- And for what we are about to receive we give thanks.
- Amen.
- Amen.
You might add a word of thanks that I was inspired to plot our course for Earth.
- We've already thanked the Robot, Dr.
Smith.
- Really? Well, Mrs.
Robinson, what did our environmental computer come up with for our first meal in space? Well, let's push a button and see.
- Hey, now.
- Hey, there we are.
- Hey.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- There, now.
- Oh, really! Here.
Eat it, Debbie.
It's concentrated hyperprotein.
- Oh, Debbie! - My sentiments exactly.
I'm going to miss our hydroponic garden.
I think I'll go on a hunger strike until we reach home.
Dad, when exactly will we reach Earth? We're not returning to Earth, son.
What? You gave me your word of honor.
- Yes, provided your calculations were correct.
- And they were! You forgot to mention the one detail that makes our return to Earth impossible.
I see.
You've been talking to that traitorous, electronic junk pile! That's right, Smith.
And it's a lucky thing we did too because he told us that right now, at this time of year the sun is between us and Earth.
We wouldn't have found out until we were caught in the gravitational pull of the sun.
We can maneuver around the sun.
Perhaps.
But that's a risk I don't intend to take.
- Then we're not going home at all? - No, darling, we're not.
You've broken your solemn word of honor, Professor.
I warn you.
I will not go to Alpha Centauri! No one says you have to, Smith.
Anytime you want, I'll stop the Jupiter 2 and let you off.
Bah! Never mind about Dr.
Smith, Dad.
He'll probably even like Alpha Centauri once we get there.
- We all will.
- If we get there.
Oh, we'll get there, all right.
The astrogator's been programmed, and it's well on course.
Try not to make any more noise than you can help, you clumsy clump.
- They've locked the astrogator.
- That is a true statement.
- Do they think that will stop me? - Your question cannot be answered-- insufficient data.
I'll answer it for you, you ninny.
Do you see this ring? - Magnetic material.
- Exactly.
Quite capable of deflecting this astrogator to any course I choose.
Observe.
There.
Now it's on the right course.
There.
We're on our way to Earth again to wonderful, wonderful Earth again - # A ball, I recall, as the best spot of all in all # - May I offer you-- Shh! Quiet, you goose! We're on our way to Earth again To wonderful wonderful Earth again - # A ball, I recall as the best spot of all ## - [ Robot ] Attention! Attention.
New course requires reprogramming of fuel consumption distance ratios.
Why don't you attend to that problem, dear boy? Negative.
I have no information on the procedures.
But it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out.
Let me see.
Yes, it's all right here.
There.
And here.
Ah, yes, here are some pretty ones.
There.
You see.
[ Beeping ] What? What's happening? You have dumped the reserve fuel cells.
Our whole fuel supply went into space.
Did-- Did we need that fuel? In a few hours this ship will be out of fuel and helpless.
- Get out of the way, Smith! - [ Groans ] How bad is it? We have power for 20, 25 hours.
No more.
We'd better find someplace to land.
Switch to manual controls! Right.
Something's wrong.
The controls are frozen.
The astrogator won't cut out.
How did this ring get here? Uh, I-I must have absentmindedly left it there.
- Oh, so it altered our course for Earth, huh? - [ Yelps ] All right, Smith, this time you've had it.
I'm gonna take you apart bit by bit and throw the pieces away.
Smith, get below and stay there! My ring, sir.
Nothing.
No place to land.
Oh, that's great.
So we just keep going till we run out of fuel and then we, uh, just drift into space.
- Now, wait a minute.
There is something we can do.
- Yeah, what's that? The fuel cells have to be replaced, and we don't have any replacements.
And there are no service stations in outer space, remember? Maybe there are.
Here, look.
- Here's our present position.
- On the edge of the Siribidus galaxy.
Right.
Now, you remember the year before we left Alpha Control set out a string of fuel barges somewhere in this area.
Yeah, as, uh, refueling stations for the Intergalactic Probe 22, wasn't it? Now, these barges should be somewhere within oh, 21 hours of our present position.
We might make it.
Yeah.
I'll set a new course.
[ Steady Beeping ] Holding steady on course for the fuel barges.
- [ Beeping ] - We're picking up something else on the radar.
A whole series of blips right around those fuel barges.
- Blips? How big? - Oh, about four, six feet.
About the size of a man, Dad? That's right, son.
But obviously they couldn't be men.
- There aren't any planets around here.
- At least not that we know of.
All right, stand by for lock-on.
I'll maneuver into position while you get in the air lock.
Right.
- All right, Will, stand by to switch off engines.
- Right.
Engines off! Lock in.
Engines off.
Locked in.
Good boy, son.
Okay, Don, we've moved into position.
- We can pick you up on the monitor.
- [ Don's Voice ] I'm on my way.
Can you hear me? How are you doing? You're coming in loud and clear.
I'm going to maneuver in toward the barge now.
Stay in close voice contact.
You're moving past our monitor radius.
Everything's A-okay.
I'm at the barge now.
Right now, I'm connecting the fuel line.
John, the fuel gauge in this barge reads down a quarter but there's no indication that any other ship docked here.
That's not possible! Well, something's been at this fuel supply.
Maybe it was a leak.
If it was, the fuel would still be moving past the barges.
[ Don ] Everything's still A-okay.
The refueling is completed, and I'm on my way ba-- Who are you? Who's there? Don, what's wrong? I'm okay.
I'm coming in now.
Don, what happened? I don't know.
I just thought I saw something out there.
- Good job.
- Thanks.
Bravo, Major.
Bravo.
You've done it again.
I congratulate you on your bravery.
What are you doing up here? You were ordered to stay below.
I just wanted to make sure that you were all right after your little walk in space.
Now, let me help you off with this.
There we go.
And I'll check you over.
Later.
John, did either you or Will see anything while I was out there? Not a thing.
Could it be that our poor major is suffering from hallucinations? - What did you see? - Ah, it was nothing, I guess.
There couldn't be anything out there in space.
Yeah, that's right, Will.
I just thought I saw something moving around out there.
Now we're seeing things, are we, Major? Well, you'd better let me check you over.
Tell us about it, Don.
Well, there's really nothing to tell.
I just thought I saw what might be a figure ducking in and out behind the fuel barge, but-- You've been out in space too long, Major! That's enough, Smith! - Are you sure? - No.
But I am sure that I think I saw something.
Space rapture.
That's probably what it was.
When the too rigid military mind snaps, it goes all the way.
- I'm afraid our poor major is sick.
Sick, sick, sick.
- Listen, Smith-- - That's quite enough, Smith! - I wish I'd have seen it.
You might, my boy.
You might.
But a fine scientific mind like mine could never be fooled by such a mirage.
- [ Scoffs ] - Escort Dr.
Smith to the lower level and see that he remains there.
Until further notice, he's confined to his quarters! Very well, Professor.
And the next time you need an aspirin, Major I'll refer you to the nearest drugstore.
Traitor! I'll attend to you later! Well, next stop Alpha Centauri.
Stop following me, you clanking clod! I have my orders.
Well, I'm giving you new orders.
You get up there and reset our course for Earth.
- My orders are not to leave you.
- Well, disobey them.
- Have you no mind of your own? - Negative.
- I am a robot.
- You are a deplorable dummy! [ Yells ] Somehow I've got to find a way to alter our course.
Oh, hello, Dr.
Smith.
Hello, dear child.
Where are you off to? To the control room, to say good night to Daddy and Don.
Penny! Penny did, uh, did you say to the control room, my dear? That's right.
Wanna ride up with me? I wouldn't dare to show my face up there.
Why? What did you do? I fell asleep on watch.
- Dr.
Smith.
- Oh, Dr.
Smith-- - Shh! - You have made an incorrect statement.
Either rectify it, or I-- You disconnected his power pack.
His memory banks are corroded.
One must not overtax them.
As I was saying, what's even worse than falling asleep I forgot to reset the astrogator before I went off duty.
- Oh.
- When your father and Major West find out I don't know what they'll do.
- I think you should tell them.
- I'm afraid.
Do you remember how you felt when you lost your father's charts? Oh, yes, but you helped me find them.
Yes, I did.
I have an idea, Penny.
Would you like to return that favor and help your poor old friend, Dr.
Smith? How? Just reset the astrogator on this course.
- Well, I-I don't know.
- I don't blame you.
Why would you want to risk getting into trouble just to help an old friend? - Because that's what friends are for.
- Yes, they are.
You'll do it? Well, I'll have to tell Dad about it in the morning.
We'll talk about it later.
All right, my dear.
But-- But-- Thank you, my dear, dear little friend.
Big mouth.
What is keeping that child? Good heavens! As I was saying, what do you suppose is keeping that child? Insufficient data.
You're a fund of information, aren't you, you lily-livered, lead-lined lummox! [ Elevator Clicks ] There you are, dear, dear little friend.
There you are.
Ah, yes.
- Did you do it, dear? - Sure.
- And no one saw you? - Nope.
Lovely.
I think you should go right to bed, my dear.
Right to bed.
Off you go.
- [ Chuckles ] Good night, Dr.
Smith.
- Good night, dear child.
Pleasant dreams.
[ Sighs ] There is more than one way to skin a cat, dear boy.
There are exactly And I've used them all.
Oh, Dr.
Smith? - Yes.
- You disconnected my power pack.
I must ask for a complete report of what transpired while I was deactivated.
None of your business, you scurrilous scatterbrain! It is required that my memory banks be constantly in operation in order for me to record any dangerous scientific phenomena in outer space.
Dangerous scientific phenomena, indeed, you blithering booby! What could possibly be out there in all that nothingness? - [ Cooing ] - Whoa! - [ Cooing ] - [ Dr.
Smith Screaming ] [ All Laughing ] But I tell you-- She was here.
Right outside the view port.
A pretty little thing, all green with a transparent dome for a hat.
[ Chuckling ] What else was she wearing? One of those skintight things.
You know, a sort of golden-green leotard.
Very pretty, I must say.
Dr.
Smith, how big was this green thing, or girl, or whatever it was? Well, I don't really know.
She was floating around and I was trying to hear what she was saying.
What she was saying? [ Laughing ] I don't know why I'm wasting time listening to these ravings.
Smith, you've finally flipped your wig.
- I think we should all turn in.
- And leave me here all alone? Well, of course, Dr.
Smith, if you're afraid - I'll have someone-- - I'm not afraid.
Of course, I'm not afraid.
It's just that I'd like a witness just in case she comes back.
That's all, a witness.
Mom, I'll stay up with Dr.
Smith for a while.
I'm not very tired.
And besides, I'd like to see the green lady if she does come back.
Well, I-- All right then.
But don't stay up too late.
[ All Chuckling ] - Good night.
- Good night, Will.
Good night, Dr.
Smith.
You're a stalwart little chap, my boy.
I've always said so.
We might even be able to play a game or two of chess.
Okay, Dr.
Smith, I think I'd like that.
Yes.
[ Gulps ] I think I'll have your queen in two moves, Dr.
Smith.
Don't be a nasty little boy.
[ Screams ] Will-- Will it's her! I know what you're thinking.
But I tell you-- she was there.
It's my move, Dr.
Smith.
Good move.
You saved your queen.
But if I'm right, I'll have you in check by three moves.
- Will.
Will.
- Yes, sir? Don't look now but when I give you the word turn slowly around.
- Is she there again? - Let's not frighten her away.
Just turn slowly-- No! No! Will! Quick! Quick! Well? You saw her that time, didn't you? You see? She's all green, just as I said.
What do you think of her? Dr.
Smith, I didn't see anything.
Of course you saw her.
She was there big as life and twice as green! Dr.
Smith, there was nothing there.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Mom once told me about people who see things.
She said they're the cause of a guilty conscience.
A long time ago, Penny made some fudge for a Space Scouts meeting.
Well, I found it and ate it, and I didn't tell anyone.
Right after that, I started to have bad dreams.
I told Mom about it, and she said I must have a bad deed on my mind.
When I admitted eating the fudge, the bad dreams stopped.
Very interesting story, my boy, but in no way does it apply to me.
Yes, it does, if you've done something wrong.
I tell you, that green beauty swimming in space is real.
So were my bad dreams.
Indeed.
I think it's time you went to bed, young man.
All right, Dr.
Smith.
- Are you sure you'll be okay? - Of course.
And if I should require company, there is always that one.
That's true.
At least you can beat him at chess.
Go to bed, young man! Go to bed! - Aaah! - [ Cooing ] [ Cooing ] Smi-ith.
[ Groans ] Oh, the pain.
The pain.
[ Gasps ] Oh.
I need you, sir.
Come here! Oh! Keep a sharp lookout for a girl, about 5 foot 2 green hair, green eyes-- She's all green, and she sings a lot.
Opera or pop? Opera or pop indeed, you ninny! It doesn't matter what she sings.
What matters is that I say she's out there and they say I'm balmy.
As soon as you see her, signal me immediately.
- Do you understand? - Your instructions are clear.
Watch carefully! Oh, dear.
I'm exhausted.
It's all this stress and strain.
It's just too much.
I-I simply can't-- [ Muttering ] [ Groaning, Snoring ] Attention, Dr.
Smith! Attention, Dr.
Smith! I'm innocent! Smi-ith.
[ Cooing ] Smi-ith.
- [ Cooing ] - It's her.
She's back.
- You, uh, you see her, don't you? - Yes.
- Oh, thank goodness.
- But she does not compute.
You've got to make her compute.
I must know who she is, what she is and why no one but you and I can see her.
It does not compute.
Others can see her if I can.
- But they don't! - She may not want others to see her.
Only you.
- [ Cooing ] - Listen.
Listen.
[ Cooing ] She's singing her little song again.
[ Cooing ] Her language is a mathematical progression.
I can translate.
- [ Cooing ] - She states that she is from the people of the green mist.
She is in love with you.
She wants you to come away with her.
- [ Cooing Continues ] - She does? Well, of course, she does.
I can understand why she'd choose me.
But the point is, what can she offer? What sort of life could we have living in green mist? I'm terribly flattered, dear.
But really there's no way, no way at all.
[ Alarm Beeping ] - What is it? - I don't know! I'm going with you.
- How dare you! - My orders are to keep you here.
- Be still, you dunderhead.
Hurry! Hurry! - Dr.
Smith.
[ Beeping Continues ] What is it, John? Do you know what the trouble is? We only know it's the outside atmosphere warning system.
- What's happening, Dad? - I'm not sure.
- The temperature outside the ship's started to climb.
- Look at the astrogator.
- We're off course again.
- We're heading for Earth again! Do you know what you've done? Do you realize what's gonna happen because you wouldn't listen? Take a look! Take a look out there! Do you see that? That's our death warrant! I don't know what you mean.
I don't see anything.
Oh, no? Well, look again at that flaring star out there.
You mean that flaring star? - Yes, I can see it.
- [ John ] It happens to be the sun.
Our sun! The sun that Earth orbits.
Its temperature is so high it can reduce the hull of this ship to butter! And we're heading straight for it! I had nothing to do with it.
I haven't touched the instruments.
Well, if you didn't, I'd certainly like to know who did! - Dad-- - Not now, Penny! Dad, Dr.
Smith didn't do it! - I did.
- Oh, Penny.
Penny, what are you saying? I touched that thing, that knob.
Penny, w-why did you touch it? Can I tell you even if I promised not to? Whom did you promise, dear? Dr.
Smith, when I helped him.
- Well, Smith, you really hit bottom on that one.
- I can explain everything.
What's more, you've set this ship on a course for certain destruction! There must be something we can do, John.
We'll plot a new course, extend it into a space-time solution.
The best we'll do is a near miss.
- Is that going to be good enough? - I don't know.
We'll have to cope with temperatures hundreds of degrees higher than normal.
Will the ship melt, Dad? The titanium hull should be able to withstand the heat, son but it's gonna get pretty bad in here.
- Do you think you can take it? - Yes, sir.
There'll be one pleasure in this, Smith-- watching you fry.
[ John ] Look! [ Don ] We'll have to get out of the sun's gravitational pull.
- John, have we got a chance? - We haven't given up yet, dear.
We've got to pull out now, or it'll be too late! [ John ] Give me a gravitation count.
[ Don ] 42.
8, 40.
3 39.
4 and dropping.
We are gonna make it.
[ Sighs ] I knew it all the time.
[ Chattering ] If I could have everyone's attention for a minute there's something I think you should all know.
Before Don and I came down, we completed our computations.
We decided we have just enough fuel for one course change without endangering our landing.
So, now that we're safely past our sun and since it is closer than Alpha Centauri - we've decided to head for Earth.
- [ Gasping ] Oh, Earth! Earth! Mother Earth! Home and hearth! Oh, crêpe suzette! Pheasant under glass! - I've done it.
- Dr.
Smith, try to control yourself.
- I've done it.
- Dr.
Smith, try to control yourself.
I simply can't wait.
When will the joyous occasion of our landing take place? - Don? - Our course has to be adjusted at precisely three minutes after midnight tonight.
We'll only have one chance.
If we hit our course on time we'll be firing our retro-rockets sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Dr.
Smith, maybe we'll be in time for the World Series.
Oh, yes.
That.
We can go horseback riding and swimming and have bicycles! All right.
Now, that's enough.
I suggest we all go to bed as soon as we're through eating.
We're gonna have a very busy day tomorrow.
Besides, Don and I have some important maneuvering to do just before midnight.
Come on, now children, back to the table.
Oh, joy.
Oh, bliss.
Oh, crêpe suzette.
[ Cooing ] [ Cooing Continues ] - Smi-ith.
- [ Snoring ] [ Cooing ] Smi-ith.
Come away with me.
[ Coos ] Smi-ith.
Smi-ith.
[ Cooing ] Ye-es.
[ Cooing ] - Smi-ith.
- Smi-ith.
- Come away with me.
- [ Cooing Along ] [ Trancelike ] I'm coming.
[ Cooing ] Smi-ith.
Yes, my darling.
I hear you.
Come away with me.
Yes, I know.
It is our destiny.
[ Sighs ] Eighteen minutes to firing for new course.
Right.
[ Sighs ] We should be able to see Earth by now passing by Uranus and Arcturus.
- John, do you see? - Yes, I see it.
Then he was telling the truth.
[ Cooing ] I better get the rest of the family up here right away.
Right.
[ Giggling ] [ Cooing ] [ Giggling ] - I see it, but I don't believe it.
- I know what you mean.
- What is it, John? What's wrong? - Well, take a look.
[ Cooing ] She is all green, just like Dr.
Smith said.
Where could she have come from? - From the green mist.
- By the fuel barge? [ Will ] Maybe there were a lot of them.
That would explain the blips we picked up on radar.
I have had time to compute this creature and have found that she and her kind feed upon atomic fuel.
She has followed us for our fuel supply.
- Golly! - She looks like a kind of fairy princess.
Poor Dr.
Smith.
It looks like he's been hypnotized.
- He thinks he's in love.
- In love? You're kidding.
I have not been programmed for humor.
She has created this state of mind in order to try to get fuel from us.
What are we going to do? Well, I'm gonna make a course change in 12 minutes.
- Twelve minutes? - That's right, or we'll never make it back to Earth.
Well, then we'd better get Dr.
Smith back on board right away.
We can't! He's too far from the ship to shoot him a line.
And if we did change course to get in closer we wouldn't have fuel enough to make a second course change for Earth.
But you can't just leave him there.
Well, what would happen if we did change course? We'd miss Earth entirely.
We'd shoot right out the other side of the galaxy.
We'd be lost in space again.
Well, then that's the way it has to be.
We've got to save Dr.
Smith.
Why? He's caused us nothing but trouble from the beginning.
Now, why should we sacrifice everything just for him? Because he's a human being.
I say we go to Earth.
Let him stay out there.
For the rest of eternity? Preparing course deviation of three degrees.
- .
0-4-50? - Check.
Twenty-five azimuth degrees.
Coming in slow.
[ Sighs ] Well, somebody has to haul him back in.
Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! Yes, my darling.
Oh, wake up! What? What? What is the meaning of this? What am I doing in my space suit? We rescued you, Dr.
Smith.
Rescued me, indeed.
From my bed? You were out there, with the green lady.
- What? - He's right.
You were in some sort of hypnotic trance.
We just pulled you in.
- Or rather Don did.
- Oh? Well, help me up, Will.
Careful.
My back! - [ Whimpering ] - All right.
All right.
Uh! How thoughtful of you, Major.
- I suppose I'm deeply in your debt.
- Forget it.
I've always heard that only superior intellects are subject to hypnotic influence.
[ Man On Intercom ] Alpha Control to unidentified space vehicle.
Do you read us? Over.
It's Earth! They've located us! Earth.
Earth? Alpha Control.
Alpha Control! Come in, Alpha Control.
Try it again.
Alpha Control, this is Jupiter 2.
Do you read me? This is Alpha Control.
Your signal is very faint.
Your identification sounded like the Jupiter 2.
Please reconfirm.
We are the Jupiter 2, you idiot! Help us! - The Jupiter 2 was lost in space over a year ago.
- But we've come back! - We are pioneers, heroes! Save us! - Shut up, Smith! Alpha Control, we're on auxiliary power.
- Can you track us? - Only with a radio telescope.
- Can you try telemetry? - You are beyond the range of our telemetry.
You seem to be passing Earth, departing this galaxy.
- Can you change heading? - Negative, Alpha Control.
- Rocket fuel unavailable.
- We are losing your signal.
You're exiting the galaxy, headed for outer space.
- Good luck.
- No! No! Come back! Then it's true? We can't get back to Earth? Oh, dear.
No crêpe suzette.
No pheasant under glass.
Never mind, Dr.
Smith.
We'll be okay.
And anyway, we're on an adventure now.
That's better than crêpe suzette any day.
Oh, the pain.
Dad, where are we going now? We'll know when we get there, son.
We'll know when we get there.
## [ Guitar ] ## [ Robot Singing ] [ Continues ] [ Stops Abruptly ] You bubbleheaded booby.
Do you realize what you've done? I was on the point of landing on the Isle of Capri.
Now I'll never get there.
Sorry, Dr.
Smith, but it was only a dream.
Only a dream, indeed, my dear boy.
Don't you know that dreams are the true interpreters of our desires? Once more, sir, from the top.
- And try not to sing flat.
- Negative.
Due to worn conditions of memory bank compliance impossible.
That's right, Dr.
Smith.
As a matter of fact, I was just testing him to see how many of his worn-out memory banks have to be erased.
Very well.
In that case, erase everything but facts figures and his capacity for strict obedience.
I've had enough of his sentimental nonsense anyway.
Have a heart, Dr.
Smith.
It's that sentimental stuff that makes the Robot one of the family.
Your family, my boy, not mine.
This addle-pated armor bearer is no kin of mine.
Correction.
I know you like a big brother.
- Do you indeed? - Example-- Who chickens out when all hands are needed? Example-- Who sneaks food when all personnel are on short rations? - Example-- Who-- - [ Clicks ] You're quite right, Will.
Many of his memory banks do appear to be in a very sorry state indeed especially his memory for facts.
Go through them carefully and erase all references to me.
I want no part of this dehumanized lie dispenser.
And get rid of his sentimental twaddle at the same time.
But, Dr.
Smith-- I couldn't do that to you, Robot.
It would be like brainwashing my best friend.
All I wanted to do was give you a little more thinking room.
[ Beeping ] There's something out there.
It's some sort of spatial body.
What? - A familiar planet? - More likely an unfamiliar asteroid.
Maybe I can get a fix on it.
[ Woman's Voice ] Jupiter 2.
Jupiter 2.
This is your space controller.
Please prepare for entry into our atmosphere.
Your compass heading should now be 8-5.
Repeat, 8-5.
Please conform all instruments to requested heading.
This is Jupiter 2.
Instructions received.
But who are you, and what's your astral number? Don't ask foolish questions, my boy.
Like everyone else who's ever been lost we have been going around in circles, and now we've returned to home base.
The planet Earth.
And there it is.
That can't be Earth.
I suppose you think it's Alpha Centauri? What do you think you're doing? Conforming our instruments to the requested heading.
Warning! Warning! Periodicity of signal indicates flight path of space vehicle is on collision course with zone of high intensity particulate radiation.
Advise immediate evasive action.
Dr.
Smith, look! We're heading into a radiation belt.