Lost In Space (1965) s02e12 Episode Script

A Visit to Hades

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall we left Will and Dr.
Smith examining a strange alien instrument unaware that it would soon unlock an invisible door to an incredible fiery dimension.
Oh, upon my soul it looks like a lyre-- a kind of harp played in ancient times.
Well, it must belong to somebody.
Hmm! Oh, my.
Whatever these stones are they must be of tremendous value.
Smith, I think you'd better leave it alone.
Warning! Object is a form of key to an alien prison! Anyone can see it's only a-- Oh! Where am I? All these rocks.
And the fire! And that dreadful smell of brimstone.
Oh, no! It can't be! To think that kindly, noble Zachary Smith should end up in this infernal place.
[ Whimpering .]
It's not fair! If that's what he wants to believe, why not? - Oh, dear! - Well, Zachary so you finally got here.
- Good heavens.
- [ Chuckles .]
Guess again.
Heaven has nothing to do with this place.
Where am I? And who are you? Now, who the devil do you think I am? And where in Hades do you think you are? [ Yelps, Shrieks .]
[ Screeching .]
No! - [ Yelps .]
- [ Laughing .]
- [ Continues Laughing .]
- Devil? Hades? The pain.
The pain.
[ Laughing .]
Well, Zachary, now that we got that out of your system, shall we get on with it? Why do you suppose you're here? Upsy-daisy.
This has all been a-- a dreadful mistake.
I'm quite sure I shouldn't be here at all.
There's been a terrible error in your accounting department.
Yes, that's it.
Those accountants, you know how they are.
Inky fellows, always making mistakes.
Come with me, and we'll examine your record.
Well, come along, Zachary.
Step in, Smith.
Don't dawdle.
My, what a charming home you have.
May I go now, please? No! Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Now let's get down to business.
Stand over there.
" "S.
" Smith.
Smith, Zachary.
- Prefix, "T.
" - What does that mean? "T" for "tiny.
" Let me assure you, sir, I'm well known for my good deeds.
I'm famous, among other things, for-- I know about your boasting.
But here, we measure the size of your heart not your mouth! Now we must focus you in.
What is that contraption? An intertemporal projector.
- Stand in the small circle.
- Small circle? I must tell you, Your Infernal Majesty that on Earth, I travel only in the large circle.
Well, the larger the circle, the larger the punishment.
As I was saying, in the smaller circles.
- Is this the smallest one? - As a matter of fact, there's one smaller.
That's for flies, mosquitoes and other tiny mischief makers.
This one will do nicely.
I must tell you, Your Highness that, on Earth, I am held in the highest regard.
Perhaps news travels a bit more slowly here.
Well, if we don't have it by breakfast, we're sure to have it by lunch.
Lunch? I'm famished.
Isn't it nice that you serve regular meals.
Regular but slightly overdone.
I seem to have lost my appetite.
That's an improvement.
Keep that up and I'll have no further use for you at all.
- Nothing could please me more.
May I go now? - No.
I've almost got it.
Why are you taking so long? I'm having trouble focusing on your heart.
Perhaps the supermagnifier.
- Ah! Now I've got it.
- [ Humming .]
You've got it? My heart? No.
You still have it temporarily.
[ Humming .]
[ Humming .]
Ah, the picture's complete.
Step over there.
Now let's have a look at your childhood.
Teacher? [ Lisping .]
Johnny Sorenson is the one that's been whispering in the class.
Miserable little snitch.
As a youth.
[ Drawer Rattles .]
[ Tsk-Tsking .]
A thief.
Tell me, Smith, how much did you get for those stolen exam papers? Only a hundred dollars.
Only a hundred dollars.
- As a man.
- No.
No more.
As a man! [ Smacks Lips .]
Mm! - A cake stealer! - I was very hungry.
That cake was made especially for the child Penny by her mother.
- For her birthday! - It was a very small theft.
I only took the middle.
An abominable theft! And all the more abominable because it was petty.
There is your life, Smith, past and present-- a life of petty misdeeds.
And now your future.
- No, no! I won't look! - Behold! Oh, please, my dear Infernal Sir there must be some way that we can make an arrangement.
- I must have more time.
- Come, Zachary.
But, my dear Infernal Majesty I know that we can make some mutually advantageous deal.
A deal? With me? There must be some way that I can be of use to you.
Just name it.
I shall be at your service.
- Anything? - Anything.
Well, there is some small service you can do me.
Just name it, my dear Infernal Sir.
- That blasted harp.
- That dreadful harp.
Destroy it, Smith.
Occasionally, the wind blows through the strings.
The sound jangles my nerves.
Destroy it? I? But why don't you do it, sir? - I mean to say, with all your power-- - Silence! I want you to rip out the strings break the frame, destroy it in a thousand pieces.
- After all, you can't expect harp music to be popular with me.
- Oh, certainly not.
If you destroy the harp, Smith you will have your second chance.
Of course, it won't do any good.
You'll be right back here.
With all due respect, Your Infernal Majesty I shall turn over a new leaf.
Zachary Smith will devote his entire future to good work-- visiting the sick, aiding the poor-- - Bilking the widow.
- Bilking the widow.
- I didn't say that.
- Hah! You don't believe I can change, do you? Well, you shall see, sir.
In the future, perhaps I shall be known as Saint Zachary the Pious.
Oh, I'm so tired of your humbug, Smith.
Get out.
I'm back.
Oh, thank heaven.
- What'd you say, Dr.
Smith? - I'm here.
- I'm not there after all.
I'm here.
- Are you sure you're all right? Moved back through time for another chance.
Thank you.
Thank you.
My dear boy, I've just had the most ghastly visit-- to Hades.
You merely slipped into an alien space-time dimension.
How would you know, you ninny? At any rate, my dear boy, there's no cause for alarm.
It's merely that I've just undergone the most terrifying psychic experience that you would never understand.
[ Shudders .]
Where were we? The harp.
How did it get down here? Don't touch it, William.
It is not our property.
But the jewels in its frame-- They belong to somebody else.
Now come along.
It may be dangerous to linger here.
It's all your fault.
Now you stay here and cover our retreat you bubbleheaded booby.
The hunters have returned.
- Well, did you spot any birds? - No, but you oughta see this-- The ruby-throated grackle? I thought you said you didn't see any.
Ah, but we heard its song, didn't we, dear boy? To the skilled ornithologist, the birdsong of a particular type immediately calls to mind the glorious plumage the distinctive markings of its kind.
We heard the ruby-throated grackle.
Ergo, we saw the ruby-throated grackle.
Isn't that so, dear boy? - If you say so, Dr.
- Of course I do.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few notes to make for my proposed monograph.
Don't fail to call me for dinner.
Smith gets curiouser and curiouser every day.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Deep Breathing .]
Ah! Patrolling the area, I see.
Eternal vigilance.
[ Exhales .]
What are you doing up at this late hour, Dr.
Smith? My breathing exercises, as you can plainly see, you ninny.
Move on.
It expands the diaphragm.
[ Deep Breathing .]
Ah! Ah! This should do nicely.
The sledgehammer is missing.
Manual labor and Dr.
Smith? That does not compute.
- [ Reverberating Shrilly .]
- [ Alien .]
No! No! No! No! No! [ Gasps .]
Your Infernal Majesty.
You idiot! You howling idiot! You murdering lunatic! I might have known that something like you couldn't destroy the harp.
Is there anything else I can do, Your Infernal-- - Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! - [ Yelping .]
Boiling oil.
Molten lava baths.
No, by thunder, that's too mild for ya.
- I'll think of something.
- Did I do something wrong? Oh, no.
Merely tried to take the top of my head off.
Oh, but I should have realized they wouldn't make it easy for me.
"They"? Who are "they"? Never mind who "they" are.
Now get out of here.
I've gotta think.
Yes, Your Infernal Majesty.
Is there something about the harp that disturbs Your Majesty? - Get! - Yes.
And if you need me at any time please let me know, Your Royal Darkness.
- I want you to know I'm doing good deeds all-- - Hah! [ Yelps .]
the time.
Oh, what an ingenious lock you've put on my prison, my enemies.
If it was your intent to keep me a prisoner for all time why did you put the key to my jail in this place? Simply to taunt me? Perhaps the lock can be broken by someone on this dreary planet someone pure in heart.
[ Thunderclap .]
But who? Who will unlock the gates? - Breakfast is ready.
- Come and get it, or we'll throw it away.
Oh, Penny.
My goodness.
Remind me to do something about your manners.
You're growing up like a little savage.
Ah! Good morning, good morning, good morning! What are you so happy about this morning, Smith? My dear Major, I've had occasion to reflect on the joy of living in a world of crystalline delight.
- Oh.
- I thought all you wanted to do was get off this planet.
There are worse places, my dear sir, much worse.
Ah! Scrambled eggs.
How delightful.
Of course, they're not the delicate omelet prepared by my good friend Madame Poulard in halcyon days but they are filling and nutritious.
- Good morning, dear boy.
- Good morning.
Uh! Uh-uh-uh! Manners, manners.
- Age before beauty.
- You sure are in a good mood this morning.
I'm a changed man, my dear boy.
I've had the opportunity to review my past life and I found many areas open to improvement.
I thought you said you were a changed man.
Oh, indeed I am, my dear boy.
Indeed I am.
Utterly changed.
From this point on, I shall be kind, industrious generous to a fault and modest to a fare-thee-well.
Pass the butter, please.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Judy, breakfast is ready.
I'm not hungry.
Judy? - Where are you going? - Just for a walk, Mother.
Is there any rule against that? I will not have you taking that tone of voice with me, Judy.
I'm not a child anymore, Mother.
I would just like to be alone once in a while without someone always asking me where I'm going.
[ Sighs .]
All right then.
Well, don't go too far.
- Trouble? - Oh, those growing pains.
- You want me to talk to her again? - No.
She'll be all right.
She'll get over it in time.
Well, don't be afraid.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
- Where did you come from? - You mean originally or just now? Really, if you're gonna ask questions, you have to be more specific.
Well, you needn't worry.
I'm not a monster.
I have five fingers, two arms, one head and, I assure you, no webbing between the toes.
- You're human? - As human as you are.
Who are you? - Who are you? - I asked first.
I'm Judy Robinson.
How long have you been watching me? What's wrong with watching a beautiful girl? You still haven't told me who you are or where you came from.
My name is Morbus.
- How did you get here? - How does anybody get anywhere? Hmm.
You must have a ship.
[ Sighing .]
You could get away from here.
I'm sure I could with your help.
What kind of help? Oh, we can talk about that.
There's plenty of time.
If you knew we were here, why didn't you come to our camp? I had to be sure you were friendly first.
- Are you friendly? - Of course we are.
I'll take you back to the ship.
Everyone will want to meet you.
Come on.
Your eggs were delightful, madam, considering the fact they were just, uh, eggs.
- [ Laughing .]
- Mom? Dad? - I'd like you to meet Morbus.
- How do you do? I'm Morbus of Lyrae.
How do you do? I'm John Robinson.
He's been hiding out in the rocks watching us until he was sure we'd be friendly.
- Dr.
Smith? Meet our new friend.
- Friend? Dr.
Have we met before? No, no.
No, no.
I'm sure we haven't.
I'm sure we haven't.
Excuse me.
I have work to do.
Busy, busy, busy, you know.
The days are all too short for the good that must be done.
Oh! Busy, busy! [ Laughing Idiotically .]
Industrious little fellow, isn't he? Yes.
It seems to be a recent development in his character.
- Won't you join us? - Oh, thank you.
- Um, may I fix you some breakfast? - No, thank you.
Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you all.
- Where's Lyrae, Mr.
Morbus? - Oh, it's a very great distance away.
If I had my star charts, I'd point it out for you.
Unfortunately, they were destroyed with my ship.
That's strange.
Our instruments didn't tell us of any alien ship approaching.
Instruments aren't always reliable.
- But what a charming family you have.
- Thank you.
[ Robot .]
Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Alien life forms! What happened to him? Wow! Will you look at this.
It's melted.
Something must have overloaded the system.
Get another power pack, Will.
The Robot mentioned an alien life form before he burnt out.
- You seem to be the only form of alien life around here.
- Don, what are you saying? Just that Morbus here better not make any sudden moves before the Robot can tell us more about this alien form of life and why it might be dangerous.
- Anything you say.
- Here, Dad.
Now, you warned us of danger.
What danger? "Danger.
" That does not compute.
I have no record in my memory banks of any threat.
You mentioned an alien life form.
Was that who you were referring to? I do not recall any such warning.
The individual you have indicated is obviously human.
Satisfied, Major West? I guess I don't have any choice at the moment, do I? - We'll put this through the analyzer.
Come on.
- Yes, sir.
You must excuse Don.
Oh, I can understand the purely human emotion of jealousy.
Don jealous? Of whom? Well, perhaps he sees in me a rival for the only prize worth taking on this planet.
[ Reverberates .]
What's it like on Lyrae? Oh, it's quite a musical place-- full of human song, birdsong the jangle of musical instruments.
You might call it a cacophony of boredom.
- Well, you asked.
- Is that why you left it? I left by request.
I tried to stir things up a little.
The governors decided I needed a little vacation.
- How long have you been gone? - Ages.
- Now, how about you? - What about me? Oh, life, love, the pursuit of happiness-- that sort of thing.
How do things stand between you and Major West? - Well-- - Ah, like that.
Oh, I suppose someday we'll marry.
Everybody seems to think we're a good match.
- Except you.
- Well, a girl likes to have a choice.
[ Moans .]
- Are you all right, Morbus? - [ Groans .]
- What is it? - Nothing.
Excuse me a minute.
- Drop it! Don't do that! - Hah.
"Hah"? Did you say "hah"? Yes.
- Stop that! - How do you like that, Your Infernal Majesty? "Infernal Majesty" indeed.
That's what you are--humbug.
Oh! Stop it! - Nasty little snitch, am I? - Oh! - Cake stealer, am I? - Please! - Thief, am I? - Stop it! Now, look.
There must be some mutually agreeable arrangement some mutual deal that we can arrive at.
You interest me.
What's your price? I'm quite sure that you do possess certain powers, Your Majesty.
And I'm also quite sure that you can grant me anything I wish.
Within limits.
- Riches? - Of course.
- Power? - "Power"? Uh-- Well, let's say I can help you acquire power.
The dearest wish of my heart is to return to Earth with both riches and power.
Well, that'll be a little more difficult.
- But I didn't say I wouldn't do it.
- Then get on with it.
It's within your hands, Doctor.
In my hands? You mean the harp? A certain combination of musical tones.
Really? Like this? No, no! Stop it! Stop that! I can't take this! - Morbus! - Judy.
Judy, go back! Good heavens.
What have I done? [ Shrieks .]
Earlier, you warned us of an alien life force.
Tell us about it.
That does not compute.
My memory banks do not contain any such information.
It's no use.
He doesn't remember.
- What's wrong with him? - He's got amnesia.
That's silly.
Robots can't have amnesia.
- Well, this robot does.
- Don.
- John, could I speak to you and Don for a minute? - Sure.
I don't want to sound a general alarm, but I'm very worried about Judy.
- What happened? - She went for a walk about two hours ago with Morbus.
- Why'd you let her go? - Well, after all, Don she's pretty much grown up now.
Dad? You'd better hear this.
I think I've got all his memory circuits working.
Begin report.
My message is most important.
It involves aliens.
- How'd you get him to remember, Will? - I don't know how it happened but one of his sensor modules burned out along with the power pack.
I just replaced it.
Do you recall giving us a warning about an alien life force? Affirmative.
A dangerous alien life force was loose on this planet at the time I gave warning.
You say it was loose on this planet.
- Does that mean he's no longer here? - Affirmative.
This life force, is it the man who calls himself Morbus? - Affirmative.
- And he's got Judy.
- Oh, John.
- Don't worry, darling.
We'll find her.
- Keep your eye on the scanner for alien aircraft.
- All right.
- Can you locate the alien? - Negative.
- Ask Dr.
Zachary Smith.
- Why Dr.
Smith? Because Dr.
Smith was responsible for bringing the alien here.
John, I swear-- this time, I'm gonna tear that phony apart.
What is this? Did I hear my name being bandied about? - [ Yelps .]
- Don! Take it easy! Good heavens! Are you angry with me? - Just once.
Let me take one good swing at him.
- Control yourself, Major.
- I fear for your blood pressure.
- You're not getting anywhere like this.
Just calm down.
All right, Smith.
What do you know about this Morbus? Morbus? Morbus.
Is that a person or a thing? - You know what I'm talkin' about! - Then it's a person.
The chap who dropped in for dinner.
- I know nothing about him.
- Dr.
Smith, you are telling a nonfact.
It is due to you that the alien came here.
How-- How perfectly silly.
You tin-plated snitch.
I'm sure you gentlemen refuse to take the word of this metallic monstrosity against mine.
You wanna bet, Smith? You've got 10 seconds to start talking! Professor, will you permit this outrage? I appeal to you, sir, as one savant to another.
Will, let's go inside.
I think Don would like to talk to the good doctor in private.
You can't do this.
You don't know what you're doing to me.
- I'm in a terrible situation.
- Let us know when you're through, Don.
William, my dear little friend, don't forsake me in my time of need.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Smith, but you brought it on yourself.
Wait! Wait! Don't go.
I'll tell everything.
All right, Smith, start talking, and make it the truth.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
It all began with that dreadful lyre.
I mean the harp.
[ Moans .]
How do you feel? Mm.
All right.
I think.
What kind of place is this? Oh, it's a terrible place, absolutely beastly.
It's a rotten little warp out of time and space.
That out there, that's the way it was before the universe was born-- absolutely chaotic.
- Why did you bring me here? - Why did I bring-- I-- I told you to go back, and, like all women, you wouldn't listen.
Then you tricked Dr.
You knew playing that harp wouldn't take him back to Earth.
You knew we would only come back here.
What did you want me to do? Let him torture me with that blasted harp? - Well, just get me out of here.
That's all.
- Hah! - I wish I could.
- What do you mean? Well, this is a prison.
I'm a criminal.
I don't mean I robbed anybody or anything like that.
But you remember I told you about that-- well, trying to stir things up on that planet where I came from? Well, it was more of a-- a revolution.
That sort of thing.
- And they sent you here.
- Mm.
- For how long? - Mm? For how long, Morbus? Well, until I can think of a way to get out.
Well, don't look at me like that.
It isn't as though I haven't tried.
I don't like it here.
How long have you been trying? Oh - Well, I told you time doesn't mean anything here.
- All that time? Oh, I'm allowed out from time to time like an exercise period for an imprisoned convict.
And every time I think I'm free the sound of that blasted harp drives me back.
- What's the harp got to do with this? - Everything.
The harp created this place.
Sort of an interdimensional key, lock and jailor.
But I've got an idea, and this time I think it'll work.
- What's that? - I'm gonna get somebody to break that harp.
And then? I don't know.
Maybe it'll be worse.
- But on the other hand-- - How long before you can try? Oh, a thousand years or so.
A thousand years! - Oh! - Judy! [ Whimpering .]
- [ Screams .]
- [ Roaring .]
Oh, help! Help! Get out! Get out! - Out, you monster! - [ Whimpering .]
Get out! Out! [ Growling .]
[ Gasping .]
There are many frightening things in this place between worlds.
Never leave this room unless I'm with you.
I found it there in that niche.
- Look at that.
- This niche has been carved out of this solid rock.
- No.
Look at the shape of it.
- Yeah.
It's kinda shaped like an old-fashioned keyhole.
The lyre's the key.
The key to what? A terrible place.
I beg you-- don't pursue this.
- What about Judy? - Poor soul.
- But we have the key to her prison.
- What do you mean? It is the sequence of sound produced by the instrument that unlocks the door into another dimension.
That's great, but how do we know which sounds to play? Dr.
Smith knows the sequence of sounds.
- Play, Dr.
- Yeah, play! I really have a very poor ear for music.
- You got a good enough ear for that.
Now play.
- How dare you, sir? Play! - What happened? - Where'd he go to? No doubt to the place where the woodbine twineth and the iceman ventureth not.
Some sense of humor.
Oh, dear.
I'm back again.
I don't like it here.
And I don't like you either.
[ Roaring .]
Oh, Mr.
Morbus, you gave me quite a turn.
You certainly have changed, sir.
- Up to your old tricks.
- [ Roars .]
You are Mr.
Morbus? [ Roar .]
You're not? I must see him immediately.
Excuse me, please.
[ Roaring .]
Now, Smith was standing right under this niche when he disappeared.
- What do you make of it? - I'm not sure.
The answer seems obvious.
The vibrations of the musical notes cause a warp in the time-space continuum which has the effect of opening a door into another dimension.
- How about that? - Can you reproduce those notes from your memory bank? - I can.
- Then do it.
- John, I hope you know what you're doing.
- Do as I say.
[ Lyre Playback .]
Apparently, the key doesn't work unless you're standing right under the arch.
- Well? - One of us has to go.
It might as well be me.
- She's my daughter, Don.
- Yeah, but I've got strong feelings toward her too.
- Besides, you'll be needed here.
- We'll simplify matters.
We'll both go.
What are the chances of effecting a return from that other dimension? If there was no chance of return I would not be able to send any human through the space "walk.
" It would be against the prime directive of robotics to expose human beings to danger of any kind.
We get the message.
You ready? - Now.
- ## [ Lyre Playback .]
Try that way.
[ Roaring .]
Down, boy.
- [ Sobbing .]
- Will you stop whimpering and sniveling? Look, I'm a very tenderhearted fella.
- I hate seeing women cry.
- I wanna go home! Well, you can't go home, and that's that.
Now, try to be a big, brave girl, huh? I don't wanna be a big, brave girl.
[ Whining .]
I wanna go home! - Oh, if you say that again, I'll-- - [ Whines .]
- Oh! Judy? - [ Sniffling .]
- See what I have for you.
- I don't wanna see it.
Oh, you'll want to see it.
A diamond, Judy, as big as a goose egg.
Oh! [ Sobbing .]
Will you stop acting like a child? All right, all right.
I'll get you outta here one way or another.
- You will? - Yeah.
It'll take a thousand years of your time continuum.
- But it'll pass quickly.
- Don't say that again! [ Whining .]
- Oh! - [ Sobbing .]
Women crying.
Women cry-- Women crying.
Women crying.
Women crying.
Women crying.
No reference! [ Sobbing .]
What's the matter with me? I'm not ugly.
I can be very kind and charming.
Now, what more do you want? A tender little nest riches, me.
[ Whines .]
Oh, no! Judy.
Judy, I'll show you something nice.
I'll show you something that's fun.
See? - ## [ Calliope .]
- It goes around, see? - It's fun, Judy.
- Oh! [ Whimpers .]
- Real fun.
See? - [ Sniveling .]
No! - You wanna try it? - No! This is a prison, and-- and you're a criminal! [ Whining .]
Don't start that again.
That was political.
Oh! [ Whimpering .]
[ Humming .]
- What was that? - Help! Oh! Help! - Oh, dear! - Dr.
Smith? The fire is so hot, and I'm so cold.
Which way shall I go? To the left? To the right? Which way is up? That's the way I really want to go.
Won't somebody help me? Oh, dear! Oh! Oh, sadness.
Oh, sorrow.
Is this you, Mr.
Morbus? No? [ Shrieks .]
- Help! - Some fools never learn.
Now, don't you leave this room until I get back.
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I'm lost, and I'm frightened.
If I ever get out of this, I must give serious consideration to mending my ways.
I really mean it, Mr.
Morbus, wherever you are.
I really do mean it.
I will.
I will mend my ways.
Won't somebody help me? Help! Help! Help! Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Whatever shall I do? I shall never survive this.
I know it.
- [ Growling .]
- [ Gasps .]
Oh! Stay away from me! Stay away from me! Go away, I tell you! Go away! Oh, no! No! No! Oh, dear heavens! - What sort of demon are you? Now get away.
- [ Growling .]
Don't just stand there.
Whatever it is you're going to do get it over with quickly, please! - Major, do something! Save me! - Don't move, Smith.
What do you want to do that for? Shoo! He's harmless really.
He's quite beneficial.
- He helps keep down the vermin.
- He was going after Smith.
That's what I said.
He helps keep down the vermin.
Oh, Your Infernal Majesty.
Thank heaven I found you.
This is all a frightful mistake.
I'm here quite by accident.
You will recall, sir, I trust, your promise to take the proper steps to return me to the world of living things.
- Oh, stop babbling at me.
- What did you call him? His Infernal Majesty.
Surely you know who he is and where we are.
The man's an idiot.
He thinks I'm the devil and this is Hades.
Although if there's anyone who deserves to be there-- You mean to say that you aren't? - And this isn't? - Of course not.
Indeed! Whoever you are, sir, you're a cheat and a fraud.
You have deliberately deceived me, and I hold you in complete disrespect.
- Just who are you? - I told you before.
My name is Morbus, and I come from Lyrae.
I got mixed up in a political movement, and they sent me here.
- Where's Judy, and what have you done with her? - Oh, relax.
She's fine.
I just have to think of some way to get you out of here.
- Perhaps the harp.
- The harp? - I have it, you see.
- Oh, it won't work here.
Nothing works here.
I guess I'm stuck with the both of you.
Come on, West.
We'll go to my quarters.
Not you.
You stay.
- Here? With these horrors? - You brought it on yourself, Smith.
If you'd done as I asked in the first place, none of this would have happened.
But I told you.
I tried to break it.
I really did.
- Look, look.
- [ Reverberating .]
See? It simply won't break.
Well, you're gonna have a nice long time - to figure out how to break it.
- Hold on, sir! You forget I know the secret of this harp.
- I can make you suffer.
- He never quits trying, does he? I told you that thing has no effect on me here.
Stand back, sir.
I warn you! Give me that harp! [ Screams .]
Pick up the harp, West.
- You gonna leave Smith out here alone? - Why not? It'll teach him a lesson.
What's to become of me now? [ Shrieks .]
- Demons of the pit.
I must fly.
- [ Growls .]
Now, you stay away from me, sir.
Oh, please.
Please don't hurt me.
I've done nothing to you, have I? Dear, dear friend.
Oh, Mr.
Morbus! Please, please don't hurt me.
I haven't done anything to you, have I? And I never would.
I really never would.
Please, please don't harm me, sir.
You seem to be a quite nice person yourself, sir.
Please don't do that! Why would you want-- I don't know why you have to ostracize me.
I've done everything I can to make things all right.
Why did you inflict yourself on us in the first place? "Inflict"? Ho, ho, ho.
I like that.
Who was it who was singing sad songs because there was no romance in your circumscribed life? - What a thing to say! I never-- - I like that! I saw it on my screen.
Why do you think I chose to visit you in the first place? To bring a little sunshine into your drab existence.
- Sunshine! - And what was my reward? A torrent of tears.
I feel for you, Major.
The woman is a veritable Niobe.
She'll drown you in tears in the next hundred years.
Mark my word! - Now just a moment here, Morbus! - Don, control yourself.
Yes, Don, you'd better control yourself.
- I may be forced to do something unpleasant.
- Oh, yeah? Now, just what is it you think you're gonna do? Oh, boy.
This is gonna be a happy threesome through all eternity.
No, never mind that.
Just repeat what you just said.
All right.
I said, "Don, control yourself.
" And stop acting like a child or I may have to treat you like one.
- Yeah? - Not a very articulate child either.
Okay, Morbus, now you listen.
You just-- - Please! You're not making anything easier.
- Judy, you just stay out of this.
Okay, I'm ready.
Come on.
Oh, no.
- All right.
Throw the first punch.
- No, no.
You hit me first.
- Come on.
Let's go.
- Oh, I insist.
Be my guest.
- Stop it, both of you! - Judy, just keep out of this.
I've been waiting for this moment for a long while.
Come on.
Put up your dukes, buddy boy.
Come on.
Oh, all right.
- How did you do that? - Elementary, my dear boy.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're gonna get it this time.
Come on.
Put 'em up.
Oh, fast ducker, huh? Okay.
Come on.
Get up again.
One more time.
Come on! [ Moans .]
[ Out Of Breath .]
Will you stay still so I can hit ya! Oh, very well.
[ Sighs .]
Let's go.
- [ Clang .]
- Ow! Ow! Oh.
Major-- Major, listen, I'm terribly sorry.
- Will you stay away from me! - I want to apologize.
Please, Major.
- You broke my hand! - Will you just wait one minute? - Now listen-- - I'm telling you-- Just don't hit me.
- Will you please listen? - I'm telling you-- [ Reverberating .]
Oh! Oh, dear! Oh! Oh! Oh.
The harp.
It's broken.
It can't hurt me.
It doesn't-- I'm free.
After all these ages, I'm free.
- But how did you do it? - I don't know.
Smith tried it.
Hundreds before him.
I appealed to their every greed and vice to destroy the harp and break my prison.
And you-- But of course! Oh, of all the infernal idiots.
The prize fool--me.
- When it's so simple.
- What are you talking about? The pure in heart, the ingenuous the kind and generous spirits of this world like you.
You are the only people who could smash the harp and set me free.
And all this time, I've been appealing to the greedy, evil creatures of the world like Smith.
- Morbus! What's going on here? - Oh, no.
Not another one.
It's all right, Dad.
Don's not really hurt.
It's all my fault.
Judy, what's happening? A minor miracle, my friend.
Good-bye, Judy.
- "Good-bye"? Where are you going? - Home.
But they'll just put you back in prison.
Ah, that presupposes my new revolution will fail.
This time, it's gonna be different.
I've had 12,000 years to think about it.
Morbus! How do we get out of here? Just follow me.
- That guy packs quite a punch.
- Oh.
- [ Explosion .]
- What are we going to do? Do like the man says.
This place is breaking up.
[ Judy Gasping .]
- Oh, Mom! - Judy.
Oh, my! Well, do you still feel that this place is too cut-and-dried for you? I never wanna leave any of you ever again.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Will! Will! - [ All Laughing .]
John, have you ever seen a bird like that before? Well, it might be a ruby-crested grackle.
- [ All Laugh .]
- Oh, very funny.
Very funny indeed.
Will you kindly assist me down from this wretched tree? The seat of my trousers is impaled on this branch.
- Ah, Dr.
- Okay.
We'll help.
[ All Chattering .]
Careful! Careful! For heaven's sake.
Please get me down.
- Good heavens! - [ All Chattering .]
Don't just stand there like a frozen Eskimo.
Set them up again, boy.
William, fetch your ball.
The game is over.
The score-- You lose, Dr.
Everyone has a bad game in his system.
That one was mine.
All right, William, shall we try it again? We've played five games, and I've slaughtered you in every one.
Never fear.
Smith is here.
I've merely been building up your confidence.
Now I shall apply the crusher.
Set them up again, boy.
[ Straining .]
They just don't make us robots like they used to.
The truth of the matter is this bowling ball just isn't proper.
- Looks all right to me.
- The weight isn't suitable.
To an expert like me, the slightest variance in the ball can make a vast difference.
- Here.
You can use mine.
It's lighter than yours.
- Ah.
This is what I've needed all along.
Prepare yourself, William.
Down you go down to ignominious defeat.
The pins are ready.
Watch the stance, William, the flawless form the perfect coordination.
Less talk, more action, please! Silence, you ninny.
Smith! Are you all right? Seeing is believing.
He did everything perfectly.
Unfortunately, he forgot to release the ball.
[ Straining, Groaning .]
Oh, good heavens! This stupid thing is stuck on my finger.
You blithering booby! William, will you please help me get it off? Pull harder, Will Robinson.
What are you doing? You'll maim me for life! - We might have to blast.
- Oh! I'll blast you, you bumbling birdbrain! Oh! Dear! Whatever shall I do? - Doomed forever.
- [ Thuds .]
Well, we got the-- Look at the ball! I don't believe it.
It's rolling away all on its own.
The ball, it's coming back.
[ Robot .]
Warning! Warning! Extreme danger! He's right! Run for your life!