Lost In Space (1965) s02e19 Episode Script

Mutiny in Space

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall we left Will and the Robot working with Dr.
Smith on his rainmaking device unaware that they were soon to be shanghaied on an incredible voyage through outer space.
Ready on the left? Ready on the right? Ready on the firing line! - Oh, no! I think it's headed for the Jupiter! - Ridiculous! Will Robinson is correct.
- Your calculations are snafu, Dr.
- Oh, dear.
- It's gonna hit the ship! - Everybody, behind those rocks, quick! Well, it missed the ship, but I don't know how.
A little bit of luck? Whew.
It smells as though someone just blew out 10,000 candles.
I think it smells like the Fourth of July.
- If you ask me, it smells like Smith.
- We better start repairing this.
- Come on, Penny.
We'll get the tool kit.
- Okay.
Until we make a new set of instruments we're gonna have to rely on our senses to tell what kind of weather's blowing on the wind.
Here's a piece of the casing that contained the charge.
[ Sniffs .]
Hydrochloric acid.
- Phosphorous.
- And nitroglycerine.
Aren't those some of the chemicals we have in our lab? - Had, Maureen.
- Will! Did anything happen? Oh, I see that it did.
Well, that's the end of Dr.
Smith's rainmaking experiment.
- And the end of Dr.
- Where is he? Back there.
He asked me to come here and ask you if it was raining before he came.
As you can see, it has been raining.
It's been raining flak! It's a miracle none of us were hit, or the ship! You go back and tell Dr.
Smith that I want to see him right now! Yes, sir, but I don't think he'll come.
Then he can stay out there till it really rains, and then some! Oh, there now, Will.
Don't worry about Dr.
Ah! I felt a drop that time.
It's wet.
Experiment concluded and successful.
The wetness on the palm of your hand, Dr.
Smith, is cold sweat usually produced by fear.
And what have I to fear, you nattering ninny? Do you wish me to draw you a diagram? - Where is that boy? Why hasn't he come? - The reason is obvious.
"The best-laid plans of mice and Smith, gang aft agley.
" You are in hot water, Dr.
Smith, up to your neck.
I was only trying to convince the heavens to release a bit of rain.
- Surely they'll understand that.
- Do you wanna bet? Certainly not! Betting is vulgar.
What's that? I just saw a shadow on those rocks.
Will? Will, my dear boy, is that you? [ Gasps .]
Good heavens! Some poor unfortunate's obviously made an involuntary landing.
- Wouldn't you say? - Affirmative.
Upon me soul, what extraordinary creatures.
Poor devil.
Sucked into space when the hull split apart, probably.
A reasonable deduction, but not entirely true.
Is it possible it could be made to fly? Possible, but highly improbable.
You are planning a getaway, Dr.
Smith? We shall see.
Yes, indeed, we shall.
As for you, sir mind your manners if you intend to keep your friends.
- [ Alarm Wailing .]
- [ Gasps .]
This will bear a little looking into, I think.
Hold your tongue.
Come along.
Fugitives or castaways, by the look of 'em.
Planning a getaway, are you? Well, Admiral Zahrk is not averse to helping those who can help him if I can make mariners out of them.
You haven't seen the last of Admiral Zahrk Mr.
Kidnoh! Not by a long shot! [ Snorting .]
[ Inhaling .]
[ Sneezes .]
Won't someone say something to me? Even a friendly smile would be enough.
Judy? Oh, sadness, oh, sorrow.
We were such good chums.
Major, I give you permission to talk to me as harshly as you like.
Insult me, please, Major.
Oh, dear.
Not even a single venomous word.
In that case, I have no choice but to remove myself at the earliest possible moment from this torment of ostracism.
By a fortunate happenstance I have discovered a vehicle which, with a few minor repairs will take me into a silence that is far, far better than the silence of friends.
I shall take with me only those few necessaries which will enable me to survive until my untimely end.
With your permission, I should like to borrow a repair kit.
Thank you.
- Dr.
Smith, are you-- - Yes, dear girl? Adieu.
- Now, do you suppose that he really-- - I don't understand-- - I'm gonna tell you one thing about Smith-- - One at a time! I don't know.
He may really mean it, especially if he's found the vehicle.
I think he was just saying that to make us feel sorry for him.
As a matter of fact, I did feel sorry for him.
- I don't feel a bit sorry for him.
- Oh, poor Dr.
Poor Dr.
Smith? Oh, poor Dr.
Smith! Why don't we throw him a party to show how happy we are that he blew up our weather station? Look, I don't care whether he's telling the truth or not about finding that vehicle.
One thing's certain-- he's incapable of repairing it.
So whatever scheme he's got up his sleeve to get off the hook just remember this-- until further notice, Dr.
Smith is off-limits.
My sentiments exactly.
What are you trying to do, ruin everything, you lamebrained lump? I wish to correct your omissions, Dr.
Without proper caulking adequate pressure within the ship cannot be maintained.
You could not survive in the vacuum of space.
Simple Simon, don't you realize that this pitiful rattletrap of a vehicle will convince the Robinsons that they will be responsible for my death if they let me go? As humanitarians, they will at once regret the cruel and unusual punishment that they've bestowed upon me and restore me at once to my rightful place in their midst.
Oh, dear.
Now I really must rest.
My back is extremely delicate.
You, sir, will come along and give me adequate warning when the Robinsons' curiosity induces them to come and see me at work.
[ Yawns .]
Oh, dear.
Rest, rest, rest, rest.
What a foul weaver of cowardly conspiracy that fellow is.
He and Kidnoh are two of a kind-- scheming rascals.
[ Gasps .]
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
If I didn't need his help, I'd have him flogged for this.
Scamping his work like a galley scullion.
Oh, well.
[ Sighs .]
Hardly fitting work for an admiral but needs must when the devil drives.
Warning! Warning! Danger! Warning! Danger! Warning! Warning! Will you stop that blather, you bubbleheaded booby? - A person is approaching.
- That's better.
- What kind of a person? - Diminutive.
Active, imaginative, inquisitive.
Except for the diminutive part, sounds exactly like me.
Well, I suppose we'd best get back to the alien ship.
- Is he coming this way? - He will be here directly.
It will give me a chance to convince him.
What you are doing is not honest, Dr.
Spare me the accurate appraisals, dunderhead.
Gosh, Robot, there really is a spaceship.
Looks like it's a pretty good one too.
In a manner of speaking, you are correct, Will Robinson.
Have you no greeting for me, dear boy? Tell Dr.
Smith I'm sorry, but he's still off-limits.
That is, he's ostra-- ostra-- - Ostracized.
- Yeah, that's right.
Tell Dr.
Smith not to worry, 'cause I don't think that the-- the silent treatment will last too long.
But I have my pride, you know.
I cannot allow myself to be treated like a pariah.
I made the only choice that was open to me.
- Did you hear that, Will Robinson? - Uh-huh.
- Then I do not have to repeat that either.
- Oh.
I see you've been working on the spaceship.
Tell Dr.
Smith he did a real good caulking job on the hatch.
Thank the young man.
Thank him-- The hatch? Who is responsible for this? Do not look at me.
Tell Dr.
Smith that I'm sorry that he has to go but I understand how he feels about being off-limits and everything.
- Tell him that if I can help in any way-- - Oh, he can.
He really can.
I would like a spare astro-compass and some food a few pressure patches and some extra food a little fuel and whatever small delicacies in the way of food he can spare.
Tell Dr.
Smith I'll do the best I can and that I'll see him later.
Thank the young man.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
They'll never let me go, once he tells them how ill-prepared I am for such a flight.
Don't you dare to ask me if I want to bet on that.
No one would take a bet on such skullduggery, Dr.
Silence, you presumptuous pip-squeak.
Ah, I agree with you, laddie.
An excellent caulking job.
Admiral Zahrk's hand has not lost its cunning or his spirit its determination.
Cast me adrift to perish in space, would you Mr.
Kidnoh? Well, you're wrong! You're wrong, you mutinous dog! [ Snorting .]
Smith? Dr.
Smith? Hey! Come along, boy.
Come along.
Don't dawdle in the companionway! There's work to be done.
Come along, boy.
Come along.
Come along.
Man the helm! Man the helm.
We're casting off.
- Where are we going? - "Sir," boy.
" - Yes, sir, but-- - "Aye, aye, sir.
" Aye, aye, sir, but where are we going? Stand by for castoff! As quartermaster pro tem, boy your duty is to obey orders, not ask questions.
Sir, I just want to know where we're going because wherever it is, I don't wanna go.
I live here with my family, and you had no right to drag me aboard.
"Sir," boy, "sir" when you address an admiral of the Imperial Cassiopeian fleet.
I'll relay a signal to your grandfather informing him that you are now under the protection of Admiral Zahrk.
You'll be well taken care of, boy.
If you mean Dr.
Smith, he's not my grandfather and I don't want anybody taking care of me except my own family sir.
Listen, boy.
He who ships with Admiral Zahrk ships to glory! Your family will be proud of you.
They'd rather have me with them.
By order of Admiral Zahrk, for the good of the fleet for the honor of your family you are now articled as a volunteer.
Stand by for takeoff! Clear the bow! Admiral, listen.
- You've got to listen to me! - Man your helm, mister! Oh, uh, uh, attend to your helm, mister.
Stand by! Blast away! [ Rumbling .]
Nothing makes a man more proud of his profession than a splendid liftoff.
You'll-- You'll get your space legs in just a few moments, laddie.
Ah! The Sipheus on the starboard bow.
Here, take a look.
Good old Sipheus.
Send a flare of friendship out to 'em, Quartermaster.
I think we're still on the ground, sir.
Are you presuming to question my navigation on my bridge, Quartermaster? - I'm afraid I am, sir.
- What? Oh, damnable incompetence below decks! I could have staked my life-- Ah! Here's the trouble.
Crossed power line.
Stand by for takeoff! Blast away! Drat! We seem to have sustained some minor damage, Quartermaster.
Oh, our chronometer seems to have suffered too.
Ah, there she goes.
Nil desperandum.
It'll all be repaired, lad, after I've dined.
Attend to table, boy.
Aye, aye, sir.
Did it again.
Excellent roast.
Done to a turn.
Had some experience in the galley, have you? That roast was cooked by my mother, sir.
It wasn't really intended for you.
It was meant for Dr.
- Bah! - Do you happen to know where he is, sir? Carousing in some infamous grog shop, no doubt.
More wine! There, there, boy.
[ Clears Throat .]
We'll attend to the damage presently.
Duty can wait on an excellent repast, eh? [ Gasps .]
It's a word that swine Mr.
Kidnoh seems to have forgotten! But I'll make him remember it! That I will.
There'll be no quarter for Mr.
Kidnoh when I catch up with him.
And when he learns what punishment I've devised his eyes will start from their sockets in mortal terror.
Kidnoh, take that and that and that! That and that! Cuckoo! - Cuckoo! - Who said that? Cuckoo.
- Is Will all right? - Yes.
I put him to bed and told him to save his wild stories for the morning.
Let's see now-- an alien spaceship a rough, tough admiral who shanghais children a Dr.
Smith who can't be found, let alone a robot.
It's wild enough to be believable.
Where did Will say he found that ship? Over in the rock canyon area, I believe.
We could see the rocks with the scope, but, uh, anything below that, nah.
Something tells me you're planning to investigate.
Only to find out how much truth there is to Dr.
Smith's story about finding a ship.
Certainly not Will's about an admiral.
Aren't you curious about Will's story? No, just fascinated by that boy's fantastic imagination.
Admiral Zahrk of the Imperial Cassiopeian Navy-- wow! Do we go out there in the morning? Yeah, I guess so.
- What'd you find? - A burned-out propulsion unit.
At least I guess that's what it was.
And other instruments that could be in working order or not.
I'm not familiar with them.
Lower deck looks like it could've been crew's quarters.
- Not admiral's quarters? - No evidence that it was even used by a midshipman.
But it is an alien ship, so that part of Smith's story-- as well as Will's-- is correct.
I guess you owe Will an apology for that part of it.
But what do you owe Smith, if you can find him? I'm still working on that one.
There's no hurry.
This ship isn't going anywhere, nor is Smith.
John, it might be kind of interesting if we could pretend that he was.
- What do you mean? - Well, just suppose that-- [ Chuckles .]
- Come on.
I'll show you.
- All right.
Are you going to lie in the sack all day? It is well past breakfast time.
- Did you say "breakfast"? - I said it was well past breakfast time.
That hard bed leaves a great deal to be desired.
My back is a disaster area.
Do you suppose Will has arrived with the supplies I ordered? If you mean food, you should say "food.
" Hold your tongue, you silly goose! Food is essential to sustain the inner man.
Nobody seems to understand that but me.
Ah, the dear boy kept his word.
What have we here? It is not one of the extras you ordered, Dr.
However, it is an extra propulsion unit from the Jupiter 2 surplus stock.
"With the compliments of the Jupiter 2.
Bon voyage.
" - Is this one of Will's jokes? - Negative.
The handwriting indicates that the message came from Major West.
[ Laughing .]
What do you find so funny, you hardware hyena? Major West is calling your bluff, Dr.
He believed you meant it.
I think that is very funny.
- [ Laughing .]
- Silence, you sniggering cinder box! Avast there, ye scheming shore vermin! Mr.
Spindlelegs, what have you done with that lad? - If you mean Will Robinson, General-- - General? I'm an Admiral of the Imperial Fleet, you bumbling ignoramus.
Where is he? Well, you see, Your Worship my metallic friend will explain all.
Begging the admiral's pardon, sir, but if my senses serve me correctly Will Robinson is now safe and sound in the bosom of his family.
Most regrettable.
I could have made a man out of him instead of a mollycoddle drowned with mother love.
Ah! You seem to have shown some resourcefulness this morning, Mr.
This power unit will serve my purpose admirably.
You may take it aboard.
But I had nothing to do with it, sir.
Modesty ill becomes a man of your staggering vanity, Mr.
Take it aboard! We shall cast off the moment it's installed.
"We," sir? You seem to be afflicted by some unwarranted fears for your safety.
Am I to understand that you would prefer not to sail with Admiral Zahrk? - I would prefer not to sail with anyone, sir.
- Indeed? It seems to me I distinctly remember your telling the lad that you intended to sail in my ship.
Now, hoist the engine aboard, sir - and don't try my patience any further! - [ Bell Clangs .]
Yes, Your Worship.
Yes, indeed, Your Worship.
Well, you heard what he said.
- Hoist it aboard.
- He said for you to hoist it aboard.
You know very well that my condition does not warrant such manual labor.
- That does not compute.
- Compute, my foot! You, down there! Didn't you hear what I said? Hoist it aboard! Yes, Your Worship.
Aye, aye, sir! [ Yelling .]
Hi, Admiral.
Have you seen Dr.
Smith this morning? Hi, Admiral.
Have you seen Dr.
Smith this morning? Good morning, boy.
Climb the rigging.
- I just want to know if you've seen Dr.
- Didn't you hear what I said? Climb the rigging.
Smith? Are you in there? Dr.
Smith, are you in there? Gee! Hey, what are you doing? [ Will Grunting .]
And now we are ready for takeoff, Mr.
Kidnoh! I'm on my way! You'll rue the day you ever crossed me Mr.
Kidnoh! Mom! Dad! I just heard that alien spaceship taking off.
Yes, we're looking at it right here.
I can't understand it.
Smith couldn't have gotten that propulsion unit to work.
Will said that propulsion unit was all Admiral Zahrk needed.
Where's Will now? He was afraid the admiral would shanghai Dr.
Smith so he went out there to warn him.
You've just gotta take us back, sir.
You could drop us off and then go wherever you wanted to.
There, there, laddie.
Just a momentary pang of homesickness.
Quite understandable.
My, you're a plucky one, returning here but I shall expect you to write to your mother once a week while we're away.
Couldn't resist the great adventure with Admiral Zahrk, could you, now? [ Coughing, Laughing .]
Ohh! Fess up, laddie! Space is in your blood, as it is in mine.
I just came back to get Dr.
Of course, of course.
- Quartermaster! - Aye, aye, sir.
We shall bear on Zubenelgenubi, Quartermaster.
Zubenelgenubi it is.
Otherwise known as the southern claw of a scorpion.
Knowledgeable little rascal, aren't you? Go below! - Aye, aye, sir.
- [ Bell Clangs .]
Take the wheel, lad.
Go on, take the wheel.
It won't bite you.
- [ Sighs .]
- That's a good lad.
It's good to have somebody sturdy and dependable by my side.
Where are we? I think that's Zubenelgenubi to the starboard bow, sir.
Ah, so it is.
Hard aport to Miaplacidus.
Hard aport, lad! There.
- That's a good lad, Midshipman Robinson.
- Midshipman? Admiral Zahrk is sufficiently impressed with your abilities to reward them as they deserve.
Sail with Zahrk, and you'll be first mate in a year or two.
We'll run a splendid ship together, you and I, Midshipman.
The pride of the fleet when we sail into our home port with Mr.
Kidnoh's head hanging from the highest yardarm! [ Laughing .]
However, never make the mistake of assuming that my liking for you will excuse a dereliction of duty, Midshipman.
Discipline will always come first with me, as it always has.
My father's like that when we're in space.
No one is like Admiral Zahrk, Midshipman Robinson.
No one! [ Snorting .]
[ Inhales, Sneezes .]
Steady as she goes! Steady as she goes it is, sir.
There's a good lad.
Dad? Yeah? Hey, Dad, look at this.
That may be the ship's log.
It could give us a clue to their whereabouts if I could decode it.
Let's get back to the ship.
It's your watch, Robot.
When there is work to be done to be done a sailor's lot is not a happy one.
Oh, be gone! [ Groaning .]
Oh, William, he's had me swabbing decks scrubbing bulkheads, polishing brass.
All ignominious tasks for a man of my quality.
I would not be in this predicament if your family hadn't sent me to Coventry.
None of us would be in this predicament if you hadn't made threats you weren't going to keep.
Be that as it may, we must find some way of making him take you back to your sorrowing family regardless of what may happen to me.
Well, I tried to talk to him, but he's got his mind fixed on just one destination and he knows enough about navigation to get us there.
Do you suppose he knows enough about navigation to get us back to Earth, William? I guess so, but I don't think it would fit in with his plans.
One can but try.
I must make myself presentable before I speak to him.
Ah, yes.
What have we here? I think this might just do the trick.
Now, come along.
Let's try the next page.
[ Zahrk's Voice .]
Mutiny! In the dead of night, I was seized and cast adrift in a leaky space cutter by order of my thieving dog of a mate, Mr.
Kidnoh! But I have outwitted him.
Though he be a hundred light-years away I will never give up the pursuit.
With the crew which I have assembled on this uncharted planet the chase is on! Death to all mutineers! Well, at least we know why he came here and what he's doing.
Yeah, a ragtag and a bobtail crew on a leaky space cutter.
And with our propulsion unit.
Say, that, uh, unit-- that unit had magnetic drive, didn't it? Yeah.
Meaning it could run forever on a minimum of fuel.
- Yeah, I know, but-- - But what, John? Listen, let me get this more clear in my mind.
Then I'll tell you about it.
Don, I'm gonna need a lot of help.
I don't know who I hate more, Smith or myself.
Aah! Who are you? Top of the evening to you.
Everything below is scrubbed and shipshape, sir.
[ Grumbling .]
Kidnoh! Mr.
Kidnoh you mutinous dog! What have you done with my ship? Answer me before I plunge my cutlass into your gizzard! Well, sir, dear, sir, my name is Smith, Dr.
Zachary Smith.
I was press-ganged, remember? Aah.
What are you doing on my bridge? I came up to help, sir.
I can be of great assistance to you, sir.
Assistance? Why, you clumsy swab your very presence on board this ship is an insult to navy tradition! [ Gasps .]
But I'm an old space-hand.
Indeed, I am.
I've sailed many a craft in this deep.
I've sailed four-stackers, twin-riggers, pancakers.
You name them, Admiral.
I've sailed them all.
Now you'd like to see my papers, wouldn't you? I have them right here.
Or possibly here.
Oh, dear.
Ah, yes, I remember.
I left them in my old space chest back on Earth.
Perhaps we could make a brief stop there until I join you officially if you would be kind enough to appoint me quartermaster.
You have a glib tongue, Mr.
I am sincere, sir.
[ Grunts, Snorting .]
[ Inhaling, Sneezes .]
Lock on Fontax, Quartermaster! Begging your pardon, sir, but a lock on Fontax will take us directly into the path-- Are you presuming to navigate my ship, Quartermaster? Lock on Fontax immediately! Lock on Fontax it is, sir.
A shortcut to Earth, sir? A shortcut to Mr.
Kidnoh you slimy-tongued cuttlefish! And when I catch up with him the mutinous dog and his pack of filthy cutthroat scavengers there'll be no vengeance in all the universe to match mine! [ Coughing .]
- [ Groans .]
- Aren't you well, sir? Not recently.
I'll dance a hornpipe to the rhythm of their cries Mr.
Have you danced today, Mr.
Spindlelegs? - Danced, sir? - Yes, danced, blast ya! It's a standing order for my crew! Clears the head, tones the muscles stimulates the nerves! Come on.
Dance, Mr.
Spindlelegs! Dance! - ## [ Upbeat .]
- Faster! Faster! Oh, dear.
Couldn't you play a simple waltz, sir? - No.
Faster! - Oh, dear! I can't move faster! Faster! Blast ya! Faster! Faster! Riptide of solar fire on the port bow, sir.
[ Screaming .]
Ah, that did it.
Steady as she goes.
Hoist the hurricane signal, Mr.
I believe an opportunity to test our mettle is close at hand.
Aye, aye, sir.
Oh, dear.
Hoist the-- whatever it was he said.
What are the orders, sir? We shall drive through at full power, of course.
Full power ahead! [ Screams .]
- Faster! - [ Dr.
Smith Gasps .]
- [ Gasps .]
- What's going on here? Where are we? Faster, faster, you blithering idiot! He's headed straight for that solar fire.
We'll all be melted away! Already I can feel my bones softening! [ Screams .]
I mean-- Maybe we should alter our course a little.
It's gettin' awfully hot.
Alter my course? Are you assuming that I don't know what I'm about? - Not exactly, sir, but-- - Midshipman Robinson! Your standing in the roster of the officer class is something below that of the lowliest apprentice in the forecastle.
We are driving through, Midshipman Robinson.
[ Snorting, Gasping, Sneezing .]
This day will be remembered to our eternal glory! - He's like a wild man.
- [ Gasps .]
Death to the mutinous dogs! Shh.
[ Bell Ringing .]
Did it again.
Steady as she goes.
Full speed ahead.
[ Raspy Voice .]
Steady as she goes it is.
Full speed ahead, sir.
You lost your voice, Quartermaster.
My computers are awfully dry, sir.
They'll be a good deal drier before this day is done.
As soon as we've found the guns, I'll engage him in amusing conversation while you thrust a gun into the small of his back, at which point-- I don't know, Dr.
What's all this confounded muttering? Speak up, sir! I was just telling the midshipman how much I admire your superb navigation, sir.
Blather and bilgewater, Mr.
Spindlelegs! Go below and holystone the deck.
I want it scrubbed until it gleams! At a terrible time like this, sir? I should be a poor master if I allowed a mere solar fire to interrupt my ship discipline! Go below, Mr.
Spindlelegs! - That is an order! - [ Gasps .]
Yes, indeed, Admiral! Quartermaster! - Yes, sir.
- I've just set the wheel to automatic control.
- Keep an eye on that fellow.
I don't trust him.
- Aye, aye, sir.
- Midshipman! - Aye, sir! You may set the table for the captain's mess.
[ Inhales, Sneezes .]
Aye, aye, sir.
There's no question about it, old friend.
We must take action.
I am familiar with the expression but not with its significance in this instance.
We're going to seize command of the ship.
It will be your duty to stand guard over the admiral while Will and I take the controls.
I am not programmed for mutiny.
You prefer to be reduced to a heap of molten tin, you nervous ninny? I am not nervous.
You are.
I have complete faith in the admiral's navigational skill.
Besides, I am the quartermaster.
So that's how it is, you silver-plated sellout.
Very well.
Will and I will have to go it alone.
Go away and holystone the deck, Mr.
Quartermasters do not talk to ordinary swabbies.
Swabbies, indeed! I'll pay you back for this, you fugitive from a scrap heap! [ Shouts, Screams .]
I think we're ready to give it a whirl.
Not until you tell me what you're going to do, I hope.
The propulsion unit on Zahrk's cutter is powered by magnetic drive.
So's this, only in reverse.
So far, I understand I think.
When reverse or negative power is applied it'll attract any vehicle powered by positive magnetic drive.
- Including Zahrk's cutter? - That's the one we're interested in.
- Ready? - Power on.
Maureen, get on the scope.
Report anything you see.
All right.
Girls, turn on the radar power unit.
Ready for beam? Ready.
[ Gasps .]
Where's my dinner, boy? That's all I could find, sir.
Oh, well.
Short rations are nothing new to me, boy.
[ Grunts, Screams .]
Oh! Ah! There.
[ Sighs .]
Man has the will to survive.
When the will to live is uppermost in his mind that's more important than thirst or hunger.
[ Growls, Howls In Pain .]
[ Sighs .]
Kidnoh didn't think of that! Sir, I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything and I know how you feel about manners, but not everybody feels the same way you do.
Explain yourself, boy.
Well, when a crew thinks you're running 'em into danger, they get ideas.
[ Yelling .]
Ideas? If you could just change our course so we could go around the solar fire-- Avast there, boy! [ Groaning .]
Our bearing is Fontax, solar fire or no solar fire! Fontax, boy, is Mr.
Kidnoh's wretched hiding place and it's there that I'm going to surprise that mutinous hound and I expect my crew to be loyal to the end! To the end! - Aye, aye, sir.
- There, boy.
Be of good cheer.
I've undertaken to protect you, and protect you I will.
We shall find some goat cheese in the pantry locker, boy.
Oh, yes.
There we are! Aah, drat! There's nothing in the locker but cobwebs, sir.
[ Yelling .]
Cobwebs? Where is my goat cheese, boy? I don't think there's been any goat cheese in that locker for years, sir.
Silence, you impertinent pup! Mr.
Kidnoh! Mr.
Kidnoh! Mr.
Kidnoh's on Fontax, remember? Don't make it necessary for me to come to you Mr.
Kidnoh! All right! I warned you! Midshipman! [ Bell Clangs .]
Kidnoh! Stand to attention, Mr.
Kidnoh! My pantry locker, Mr.
Kidnoh, is empty.
My name is Smith, sir, although I do answer to Spindlelegs under duress.
It's too late to attempt the use of an alias, Mr.
Now, Mr.
Kidnoh who stole my goat cheese? - Surely you don't think it was I? - Think, Mr.
Kidnoh? Why, you pilfering scoundrel I know you've been at my goat cheese my emergency rations! Blast your thieving hide! - I'm charging you with grand theft in space.
- Oh, no, sir! Put him in irons, Midshipman, and throw him in the box.
You're making a mistake, sir.
Smith's not Mr.
Midshipman, do your duty or I'll throw you overboard and let you hang in space until you burst your seams! Yes, Midshipman.
Do your duty.
You'll find a gun in the gun locker.
Forgive me, sir.
The young man really has very little experience in guard duty.
I don't mind at all his learning on me.
Go ahead, my boy.
Get the gun.
He's really a charming young man.
Don't you think so? - A charming young man.
- I don't really want to do this, Admiral! You're under arrest.
We are seizing your ship.
Point the gun at him, William! Did I hear you right, Mr.
Spindlelegs? Did I hear you say that I, Admiral Zahrk was under arrest? Be sure you have him covered before I answer that! - You mutinous dog! - Warning! Warning! The ship is going out of control.
[ Screams .]
It's coming closer, John.
- Let me know the minute it changes course.
- All right, dear.
- Increase the power two points.
- Roger.
[ Engine Powering Down .]
[ Engine Powering Up .]
It worked.
We reversed their course.
We need more power! We're at full power now, sir.
However, our course is now 180 degrees off.
In other words, we are flying backwards, Admiral.
Backwards? Now's your chance.
Put the gun in the small of his back.
I don't know, Dr.
He's got enough problems of his own.
Besides, I thought you were gonna engage him in amusing conversation before I did anything like that.
That's out of the question, now that I've told him we intend to seize command of his ship.
In that case, maybe you'd better handle the gun.
What's Miaplacidus doing out there, Quartermaster? Begging your pardon, sir but we are going back the way we came.
Zubenelgenubi coming up on the port bow, sir.
Stay close beside me, William.
I think we'd better forget this whole thing, Dr.
And have him toss me out into space for mutiny? Unidentified planet dead ahead, sir! Aye, Quartermaster.
Ah, Mr.
The hand of fate seems to be smiling upon us.
I believe that we have caught up with Mr.
Kidnoh and his pack of mutinous scoundrels.
Ah, I see you're already armed for a fray.
That's strange how you remind me of Mr.
I could have sworn that I heard you use his very same words to the effect that you were taking over command of my ship.
I, sir? Oh, no, sir! [ Grumbles .]
Half speed ahead, Quartermaster.
Stand by to orbit.
Half speed ahead, stand by to orbit it is, sir.
You, down there! I have you clear in my sights, you mutinous dogs! Mr.
Kidnoh, show yourself! Show yourself, you sniveling scoundrel or I'll blow you and your murderous gang to kingdom come! - Do you hear me? - Get the force field going.
Force field's on.
Defy me, will you, you mutinous swine? Man the missile gun, Midshipman Robinson.
- Ready, aim-- - Please, Admiral, listen to me.
That's my family down there.
Take another look.
Are you suggesting that I don't know Kidnoh and his gang when I see them? Yes, sir, I am.
You could be wrong.
You thought Dr.
Smith was Mr.
Kidnoh for a while.
- Yes, you did! - You may fire when ready, Midshipman.
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not going to.
Why, you insolent pup! Ohh! - I'll take over the wheel, Robot.
- Aye, aye.
Now we shall fire the gun.
Ready? Fire! Steady as she goes! Ready? Fire! Steady, I say! Ready? Fire! Stop that, you traitor.
You're making me miss my target.
Begging your pardon, sir, but the ship is now within the planet's gravity field.
Stand by for landing.
Drat! [ John .]
Don, get the guns.
Looks as if Admiral Zahrk has changed his mind about blowing us all to kingdom come.
- He'd rather take us alive.
- Are we gonna wait for him to come to us? No, I think it's better that Don and I go to him.
- Be careful, John.
- All right.
[ John .]
Will! - Hi, Dad.
- Are you all right? - Sure, I guess so.
- I took excellent care of him, Professor.
Offhand I'd say he took excellent care of you.
Say, what happened? When Admiral Zahrk realized that you weren't Mr.
Kidnoh, he didn't want to stay.
- He was in a real big hurry to catch him.
- I guess so.
"Though he be a hundred light-years away, I will never give up the pursuit.
" I sure would like to have met him.
What was he like? Mr.
Kidnoh, who stole my goat cheese? Blast your thieving hide! Mr.
Kidnoh! Steady as she goes, Quartermaster! Okay, I get the picture.
Oh, batten your bubble! All right, young thespians, we all have our parts.
Now let us rehearse.
Places, please.
Assume your positions.
You may begin, Penny.
"I am Freya.
I love--" Don't mumble, dear.
Recite the lines trippingly on the tongue.
And don't slouch, dear.
Head and chest proud.
Your eye on the balcony railing gives a natural poise to the head.
[ Gasps .]
Oh, dear.
- Start again.
- Yes, Dr.
"I am Freya.
I love all things of beauty-- "music, spring, flowers.
"I love the clouds in the sky "the birds on high, the silver fishes below under the ground, all the worms aglow.
" Deathless prose.
"I love--" Oh, why do I have to be Freya, Dr.
Smith? I've only got four lines.
Why can't I be Norse god Odin? - For the simple reason that Odin was a man.
- Yeah, I'm gonna be Odin.
You will play the part that I've assigned to you, William.
Odin, the mythological god of Valhalla was most glorious, most great.
- Naturally, it follows that I should play that part.
- Naturally.
All these lovely long speeches.
I shall be magnificent.
Of course.
You've written them all for yourself.
Let's not quibble, my dears.
"The play's the thing.
" Places, please.
[ Thunderclap .]
We better get back to the Jupiter.
That looks like a cosmic storm.
Of course it's a storm.
I wrote it into the third act.
We're not playacting now! That's a real storm! - What? - Hurry up, Dr.
Smith! Maybe Odin's trying to prove that you're all wet.
All wet indeed, young upstart.
I'll have you know I'm a match for Odin or any of the other mythological gods.
- [ Thunderclap .]
- No, I really didn't mean that.
Let's not be hasty up there.
If I've said anything to offend anyone, I'm sorry.
Understand that this is only playacting of the most harmless sort.
- [ Thunderclaps Continue .]
- Come on, Dr.
Smith! [ Screams .]
Oh, good heavens! Giant hands-- they're coming for me! [ Screaming .]
Oh, no! Oh, take them away! [ Screaming .]
- Take them off, Dr.
Smith! - I can't, I can't! They're pulling me apart! [ Screaming .]