Lost In Space (1965) s02e20 Episode Script

The Space Vikings

[ Man Narrating ] Last week, as you recall we left our space pioneers rehearsing a play unaware their harmless words were now summoning the ancient Norse gods from the void of space.
"I am Freya.
I love the clouds in the sky "the birds on high, the silver fishes below - under the ground, all the worms aglow.
" - Deathless prose.
I love-- Oh, why do I have to be Freya, Dr.
Smith? I've only got four lines.
Why can't I be Norse god Odin? - For the simple reason that Odin was a man.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna be Odin.
Let's not quibble, my dears.
"The play's the thing.
" Places, please! [ Thunderclap ] We'd better get back to the Jupiter, Dr.
Smith.
- That looks like a cosmic storm.
- Of course it's a storm.
I wrote it into the third act.
We're not playacting now! That's a real storm! - What? - [ Thunderclap ] Hurry up, Dr.
Smith! Maybe Odin's trying to prove that you're all wet.
All wet, indeed, young upstart.
I'll have you know I'm a match for Odin or any of the other mythological gods.
[ Thunderclap ] No.
No, I really didn't mean that.
Let's not be hasty up there.
If I've said anything to offend anyone, I'm sorry.
You must understand that this is only playacting of the most harmless sort.
Come on, Dr.
Smith! [ Screams ] Oh, good heavens! Giant hands-- they're coming for me! [ Screaming ] Help! Take them away! - [ Thunderclap ] - [ Screaming ] - Take them off, Dr.
Smith! - I can't! I can't! They're pulling me apart! [ Screams ] Oh, no! - No! - You've gotta get them off! I can't! They're stuck! - Help me! Help me! - [ Thunder Continues ] Ah! Ah! [ Yells ] Where'd they come from? Out of the sky, out of the blue out of the nowhere, into the here.
- Didn't you witness the phenomenon? - No.
I tell you, we've incurred the wrath of the gods.
We were meant to be smitten by the legendary gloves of that celebrated god-- Oh, dear.
What is the name of that celebrated god who wore those legendary gloves? No matter.
Had it not been for my quick thinking in getting those gloves off no telling what violence we might have suffered.
Well, maybe we'd better not do any more plays about mythology.
Uh, Dr.
Smith, I think you're-- I mean, I think we're taking our acting too seriously.
I certainly don't want to wear any costumes that can cause cosmic storms.
Scoff if you will.
I shall try to endure the pain of rejection the humiliating knowledge that the two people whom I consider my true friends would question my impeccable honesty and question my word.
Very well.
You may go.
Go back to the Jupiter 2.
Back to the bosoms of fellow doubters and scoffers.
[ Gasps ] William, be careful how you point that loaded glove.
There must be some power source in here.
I just can't seem to find it.
Maybe it was just static electricity.
Indubitably.
It must surely be time for lunch.
I think you'd best go back to camp.
- I shall be along presently.
- You're not gonna fool around with those gloves, are you? Certainly not.
I merely wish to be alone to entertain my muse.
Leave me.
Come on, Penny.
He's in one of his moods.
Static electricity, indeed.
There's a power in those gloves.
Nordic runes, the writings of the ancient Vikings.
Now, how did they come here? Could it be-- No, it couldn't be.
Odin was a myth.
But if they did really come from-- Oh, my.
Imagine the power for the one who possesses these gloves.
[ Thunderclap ] [ Screams ] Get away! No! No! [ Thunder Continues ] [ Screams ] Why, it looks like a hammer or an implement of labor.
You jest.
Still, it must have some function.
Guide me to the richest treasures in all space! Take me back to Earth! Bah! Just a worthless, useless hammer.
- Will! Penny! Are you all right? - What was it? - Dr.
Smith was attacked.
- By gloves out of the sky.
Oh, what have I-- - [ Screams ] - [ Thunderclap ] done.
Will, Penny, lunch is ready.
- What was the damage, Father? - Negligible.
Just that hole back there and some damage from flying debris.
- What caused it? - I thought it was an earthquake but it looks like the effects of a large caliber shell to me.
We'll reconnoiter the entire area.
There was no indication of an alien approach, but we might as well make sure.
Have you seen Dr.
Smith? - Isn't he inside? - No, he isn't.
He probably ran for his life when the Jupiter 2 started shaking.
But he'll be back, mark my words.
He never misses a meal.
Yoo-hoo! - See what I mean? - [ Laughing ] - A good day to one and all.
- Where have you been? Oh, here and there attuning myself to the glories of nature on this planet.
- What were you doing? - I was in deep and quiet meditation marveling at the wonders of the universe.
Then you didn't feel the earth tremor? Earth tremor? What earth tremor? Good heavens! Don't tell me the Jupiter 2 was in peril and I was not here to protect you all! Wretched victim of happenstance that I am off in gratifying meditation while you-- Smith! Why don't you just eat? Since my deep concern for my comrades is obviously not appreciated I certainly shall.
Will and Penny said something or other about you being attacked by gloves.
Gloves? What gloves? Dear lady, this is the time to satiate the body, not the inquiring mind.
- Oh.
- We're gonna scout the entire area.
I want you to take the robot and check the perimeter of the Jupiter 2.
I see.
In that case, if you'll permit me, madam I shall take my dinner and proceed immediately.
Never let it be said that mere nourishment kept Zachary Smith from the swift completion of his appointed rounds.
There.
Inadequate, but it will have to do.
Never fear, Smith is here.
You, sir, come along.
- I'm surprised he left us some.
- At least he left us a little.
Well-- Well-- Come along.
Come along.
Section 6 of perimeter defense intact and totally operable.
Silence, you plasticized parrot.
There's far more important work to be done, even more important than eating-- worse luck-- Later.
Fortunately, you have your electronic synthesizer unit.
I shall require the use of it.
My simulator is to be used only to reproduce vital component parts.
That's an exciting bit of news.
Now listen carefully while I put it to you another way.
How would you like your power pack removed for the remainder of the day? What do you wish reproduced? A mere trifle-- these gloves.
One two.
What fabric would you care for them in? Blue kid? Pink shantung? Just as they are, you pusillanimous pinhead, and quickly.
- [ Device Humming ] - Every time I come upon a really wondrous device some sneaky alien comes along and takes it away from me.
But this time I shall be prepared.
Done.
Oh, lovely.
A perfect facsimile.
A perfect facsimile.
Yes.
Turn your bubble.
Oh, joy.
Oh, bliss.
Now I shall have all the treasures in the entire universe.
And then my triumphant return to Earth.
[ Approaching Footsteps ] - Hi, Dr.
Smith.
I've been wanting to talk to you.
- Really? About what? About those gloves you found.
I wonder if they had anything to do with that earth tremor.
That's ridiculous.
A perfectly harmless pair of gloves? They were a part of my costume for the play.
- But you said those gloves dropped out of the sky.
- Merely an optical illusion.
But think about it.
Everything happened after you put those gloves on.
What about that energy discharge? I merely dipped the gloves in some metallic paint to give them the appearance of steel.
Metal is a conductor of electricity, as you well know.
And there happened to be an electrical storm at the time.
Ergo, an electrical system was created around the gloves.
It's really quite simple.
Where are the gloves now? Possibly in my quarters or somewhere.
- Why don't you have a look? - I'll do that.
See you later.
Good-bye.
I dislike prying people.
[ Gasps ] Lovely.
Lovely.
And the other.
If anyone should find these, they belong to you.
Understood? Gloves are not worn by cybernetic servomechanisms.
It does not compute.
- Compute, my foot.
- Danger! Danger! - [ Growling ] - [ Screaming ] [ Screams ] Warning! Warning! Alien approaching.
To-ho, ha, yo-to-ho Ha, yo-to-ho - [ Moans ] - # To-ho, ha, yo-to-ho # To-ho, to-ho Warning! Warning! Alien presence! Who is responsible for this heroic deed? Is this our dead hero? Dead? Negative.
Hero? Double negative.
He is a dead hero.
As a Valkyrie, it is my duty to carry him away.
Give him to me.
If you let go of him, I will prove he is not dead.
Then you awaken him.
I can only awaken dead heroes.
I shall employ the only certain method.
Dr.
Smith, it is time to eat.
Medium rare for me.
[ Gasps, Screams ] Not again, Dr.
Smith.
I am Brynhilda, the Valkyrie! To-ho How do you do, madam? I have come to the Hammer of Thor.
Thor.
Of course! The legendary Hammer of Thor.
Never before has the hammer left the hand of Thor the most powerful of all Valhalla's warriors.
I quite understand.
Perhaps we can make some sort of an arrangement with Thor.
Naturally, I would not expect compensation for returning his property.
His property? Well, the hammer has come to the slayer of mighty beasts one who must be even more powerful than Thor.
I come to seek this hero this hero of all the Valkyrior! You mean, you are not angry? Angry? [ Laughs ] Whoever possesses the hammer rules all.
His will, his slightest command will be obeyed.
All wishes will be granted.
All wishes? How interesting.
- Right! - [ Gasps, Laughs ] Now, which of you do I now call mightiest of them all? Who possesses the hammer? [ Together ] I do.
- Silence, ninny! - According to my memory banks it was I who found the legendary hammer.
It was I who threw it toward the Jupiter 2.
- It was I who-- - Not another word, you bumbling bag of bolts! Pray continue, madam.
- What a magnificent suit of armor.
- No! [ Gasps ] Clumsy clod.
Let me see the face of the mighty one beneath that visor.
Good heavens, madam! This is a mere mechanical structure! It does my bidding.
Here is my legendary hammer, and here are my gloves.
Silence! It shall be decided in Valhalla! To-ho But I assure you, madam, it is I who should rule.
I must tell you, I have no particular interest in riches, none at all.
However, a possible trip to Earth? And now, excuse me, please.
Waste not, want not, Mother always told me.
To-ho - Oh! - Hold on.
Put your arms around me.
Indeed, madam.
I have no intention of so doing.
[ Laughs ] By the icy dragon blasts of Nifflheim just to hold on! Hai-yo-to-ho Hai-yo-to-ho To-ho, to-ho Dad! [ Panting ] Dr.
Smith just disappeared! - He disappeared? - Yeah, on a flying horse.
- On a flying horse? - Oh, Will.
It's true! The horse had wings.
Now, son, we've had just about enough of these wild stories.
First, it's Penny and her, uh, magic gloves.
- But, Dad-- - And now a winged horse.
- Really, John, I think you should have a talk with Dr.
Smith.
- I think I will.
Dad, it's true.
Honest, it is.
If I could just go back there, I'm sure I could prove it.
Can I, Dad? - [ Sighs ] - All right, Son.
- Oh, John.
- Thanks, Dad.
- I'll be along in a moment.
- Okay.
- I'll be along in a moment.
- Okay.
Mead! More mead! Mmm! You're a divine cook, Madame Brynhilda.
I am a gourmet cook myself.
We should compare recipes when we have the time.
No, thanks.
[ Barking, Growling ] - [ Snarling ] - No, no! Get away! Get away from me! Stop that! Help me.
- Be gone! - [ Barking ] To the greatest warrior of them all! To-ho [ Shrieking ] To-ho - [ Both Laughing ] - Oh! To think of such a great honor accorded to me.
How delightful.
Here.
Have some of these.
Oh! They look delicious.
What are they? A rare delicacy served only to the bravest of our warriors.
Naturally.
I do hope they're not fattening.
Mmm! What did you say they were? Dried dragonflies.
Delicious.
Oh, nothing is too good for a hero of Asgard.
Nothing? - What we have is yours.
- I see.
Perhaps a little trip to Earth, my dear.
Earth? Oh, yes.
We were there a few thousand years ago.
- You wouldn't want to go there.
- I see.
Then jewels? Emeralds, rubies, diamonds? [ Laughs ] We only keep such trinkets to amuse the trolls of Nifflheim.
Trolls of Nifflheim? How interesting.
I must visit Nifflheim.
Only a fool would venture there.
Thor alone has control over the icy forces of Nifflheim.
- You mean he's still about? - Oh, he's off charioteering across space thundering and yo-to-ho-ing around like a mad thing, as usual.
- [ Man ] # Yo-ho, to-ho # - There he goes again.
- [ Dogs Growling ] - But I assumed-- Naturally, I thought that the mighty powers of Thor were now bestowed upon me.
Oh, but of course.
The hammer came to you.
[ Chuckles ] It is apparent to me now it did not come to this mechanical being.
[ Snaps Fingers ] However, Thor will wish to do battle against you.
- It is compulsory that you defend your position.
- I feel a sudden chill.
You probably feel the cold breath of the Frost Giants.
- I've grown used to them.
- Giants? [ Screaming ] - [ Thundering Footsteps ] - [ Laughing ] Those mammoth horrors hover about like that just waiting for the day when Thor will lose his power.
And then? - Then they will attack.
- But if I now have his power-- Then you have a warrior's double delight, do you not? The threat of the Frost Giants and the wrath of Thor.
But I beseech you, madam, that as the possessor of the mighty, legendary Hammer of Thor I should be allowed to leave for Earth immediately.
[ Thor ] # Yo-to-ho # - Or sooner.
- He comes! Prepare the battle halls! Summon the warriors! - Thor will want his evening's entertainment.
- Oh, dear! - I think I shall retire to my quarters.
- Right! Gird yourself for the fray! He comes He comes Hai-yo-to-ho Hai-yo-to-ho - # To-ho, to-ho # - [ Thor ] # Yo-ho, to-ho # - # To-ho # - [ Thor ] Brynhilda! Oh, dear.
Well, it's vital to maintain one's strength at all times.
Proceed! Proceed! One more.
[ Thor ] Brynhilda! I'm home! Brynhilda! I'm home! Brynhilda! Brynhilda! Brynhilda! I am home! [ Softly ] Brynhilda? Brynhilda! Oh, where is that other glove? I distinctly remember arriving here with two items-- one legendary hammer and one-- one glove.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Legendary hammer, come! Come! Oh, dear.
Half a glove is worse than none.
It was I who found the legendary hammer.
It was I who threw it toward the Jupiter 2.
It was I who-- Silence, you bubbleheaded booby.
Forget that.
Forget everything.
- It does not compute.
Nothing computes.
- Hold your tongue! - [ Brynhilda Laughing ] - [ Thor ] Where is he? [ Shouting ] Where is he? Where is he? Serves you right to lose your honor! - I didn't lose it! - Rumbling and thundering about! Bragging from Asgard to Jotunheim! Now here's your challenge you big thunder roll! I go! [ Growls ] Where is he? Feastin' and meadin' with Hildy while I-- By the powers of Odin, I'll have his head! I'll use his skull for muggin' my mead.
Where is he? Of course! The guest hero's chamber.
Yo-ho, to-ho [ Gasps ] Where is he? [ Imitating Tiger Growling ] Meow! I've got you under my skin.
[ Whimpers ] How do you do? What kind of a warrior do you be? Oh, sir, there's been a dreadful mistake.
By the tides of time, there has been a mistake, and you're the one who's made it.
- Where are they? - Where are what? Where's my hammer and my gloves? Huh? [ Growling ] [ Laughs, Growls ] Where's the other one? [ Shouting ] Where's the other one? - One glove's no use, and I guess you know it! - Yes, I know it.
You know it, you know it! I assure you, Mr.
Thor, my dear friend I really had no designs upon your exalted position.
I pleaded vehemently with Brynhilda, but she was too powerfully persuasive.
She's that, all right.
Mystifyin' and mortifyin', seein' the likes of you for a warrior.
- What's your name? - My name.
It's-- Good heavens, I've forgotten my name.
It'll come to me in a moment.
No prompting, please.
My name.
Oh, dear! - Smith! Smith! It's Dr.
Zachary Smith! - [ Laughing ] What kind of a name is that for a warrior? It oughta roar, like Thor! Now, what am I gonna do with you till I get that other glove back? - Where will I put you? - You can send me home.
[ Growls ] Ah! Of course! [ Laughs ] Come, Dr.
Smith.
Come.
After you, dear sir.
[ Growls ] Fat lot of help you've been! - [ Gasps ] - Pick up your feet, clumsy! Yes, sir.
[ Gasps ] After you, dear sir.
[ Growls ] Smith! - Where are we going? - You'll see.
- Where are we going? - You'll see.
Oh! Oops-a-daisy.
Clumsy me.
You know, my dear sir, I'm so glad that your anger has subsided.
You know, actually, I don't mind at all being in a menial position.
I could be your valet.
Yes, I could.
I could iron your fur and sew on your thorn buttons and, uh, polish your saddle thongs.
And I could barber your beard, comb your mane and give you a manicure and a pedicure.
Wouldn't you like that? Oh! What's that? Nifflheim, the regions of darkness and cold.
The only water down there is fed to the adder Nidhogge who has a nasty habit of gnawing on anything at hand.
Elves and trolls and dragon's lice blow the snow and crack the ice.
Should he try to leave before I get back you have my orders-- slash and hack! Oh, they wouldn't do that.
- Down you go, Smitty! - [ Screaming ] Yo-ho, to-ho [ Thor Laughing ] [ Wind Howling ] [ Metal Rattling ] [ Sinister Laughter ] - [ Laughter ] - Don't come near me! [ Both Tittering ] Stay away from me, you dreadful little elves! You are elves, aren't you? Oh, thank heaven.
What? - Scat.
- Scat.
- Shoo! - [ Together ] Shoo! - Scat, shoo! - [ Together ] Scat, shoo! - Oh, dear! - [ Giggling ] - [ Screams ] - [ Screams ] [ Moans ] Three gloves? [ Thor ] Yo-ho! To-ho! Yo-ho! To-ho! Ho there! Elves and trolls and dragon's lice cast not upon me fire or ice.
You're supposed to disappear! I am? [ Growls ] I suppose it doesn't work on an alien elf.
An elf? I don't understand-- Oh, no, you don't! None of your tricks.
I've got more important matters to attend to than the teasin' magic of an alien elf.
I figure you be elf to Smitty.
- Elf to Smitty? - Speak up! - You belong to that Dr.
Smith? - Dr.
Smith? Where is he? What have you done to him? Never mind.
I am here on straight business and I don't want any troublesome answers.
- Where's the other one? - Other one? I'm lookin' for one glove, and I guess you know it.
One glove? Ah, you know it! Give it to me.
I'm not gonna give you anything until you tell me where Dr.
Smith is.
Oh! Well, now-- He is bein' entertained by dear and close friends of mine.
- You give it to me, or I'll-- - What do you mean, "entertained"? I'll slash you into a fine elf stew! I'll, I'll-- Oh, mystifyin' and mortifyin'! [ Sighs ] I guess I just don't know how to handle an alien elf.
[ Grunts ] But if you was a warrior-- [ Gasps ] Will! I know how to get my gloves back.
I'll take you to Dr.
Smith.
Okay.
Three gloves? I'll have my own elves deal with you.
March.
Oops-a-daisy, little elf.
You may take one giant step.
- # Yo # - Will! To-ho Will! - Dr.
Smith.
- I'm innocent! Oh, William, my dear boy, what a welcome sight you are.
We're in dreadful danger.
- How did all this happen? - Shh! There are demons down here.
Ugly, vile creatures inhabit this dank and dreary pit.
Elves and trolls and dragon's lice blow the snow and crack the ice.
There is also untold wealth within our grasp, but we are helpless to retrieve it.
- Please, Dr.
Smith.
We've gotta find some way to get outta here.
- Aah! [ Laughing ] - What are they? - I'm not sure.
My sojourn in this demonic deep has been completely unenlightening and extremely terrifying.
- Go away.
- [ Giggling ] No, William.
Observe.
- Scat! - [ Together ] Scat.
- Shoo! - Shoo! - Scat, shoo! - Scat, shoo! - Scat.
- Scat.
- Shoo.
- Shoo.
- Scat, shoo.
- Scat, shoo.
Get outta here! - I taught you well.
- [ Giggling ] [ Both Yelling ] - Elves.
- Are you sure? - I'm sure.
- Oh, dear.
Aha! That proves you've got some human in ya.
So get up here, both of ya, and bring them gloves.
- One of them belongs to me.
- Better do as he says.
That goes for you too! You and me got some fightin' to do.
Fighting? Me? - Dr.
Smith doesn't believe in fighting, sir.
- Indeed, I do not.
You took my place as the hero of Valhalla.
You made me a fool in front of Hildy! Oh, my dear sir, surely as men of the world we understand that Hildy is a mere woman.
Don't you call Hildy a mere woman! And don't you call Hildy Hildy! I beg your pardon, sir.
I'm sure that Madame Brynhilda is a most remarkable person but I must tell you actually that I am not the kind of man who engages in fisticuffs.
- Fisti-what? - Uh, "cuffs.
" Fistfighting, sir.
Fistfighting? Well, now I've just heard everything.
Fisti-- [ Laughing ] Why, Smitty, I'm gonna slay you dead.
So get up here and bring them gloves! [ Roaring ] - En garde! - Don't you dare point that thing at me! My directive instructs me never to indulge in any activity that could be harmful to humans.
I cannot continue.
It's for his own good, Robot.
He needs the practice.
Very well.
It is for your own good that we must continue, Dr.
Smith.
En garde! - [ Screams ] - Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! - May I assist you, Dr.
Smith? - Certainly not.
[ Robot ] In physical combat, you must inevitably be defeated.
Therefore, in order to survive -you must use the weapons you command best.
- And what would they be? Cunning and chicanery.
According to my computations Thor depends on the alleged magical powers of his hammer and gloves.
But if he were to become convinced that without them he is helpless-- I see.
Mind over matter.
Brain over brawn.
Of course.
How clever of me to think of it.
Come along, sir.
And have a care with that instrument of the devil.
[ Snaps Fingers ] Well, speak! It's about the fight between Mr.
Thor and Dr.
Smith.
- I thought that you might stop it.
- What? And spoil Thor's fun? What are you, anyway? Troll? Elf? Or dragon dire? - I'm a boy.
- A boy? Good heavens! A boy? I must think about that.
Oh, so much to think about, so much to do.
I have all those leftover dead warriors from last night's battle games.
I haven't even put them back together yet.
- I'm afraid I don't understand.
- Did you say "boy"? Boys don't understand much, do they? Well, if Thor wants you for a pet I guess I'll have to explain how we operate.
- Please do, ma'am.
- Well, now, harken to this.
I shall require a sponge.
No, I think two sponges the ones that resemble rocks.
[ Whirring ] Two rock-like sponges coming up, sir.
- Spare me your feeble attempt at humor.
- [ Thor Grumbling ] [ Groans ] [ Grunting ] Dr.
Smith, the items are ready.
Good.
- [ Grumbling Continues ] - [ Gasps ] Lovely.
Exactly right.
No thanks to you.
[ Grumbling Continues ] [ Growling ] [ Grunting ] - Is there any water? - What's wrong with mead? I prefer water.
And also, do you happen to have a medium-size stone? Lots of stones.
[ Grunts ] [ Grunts ] Allow me.
Your mug, please.
So sorry.
You got water out of a stone? Well, of course.
Stones contain a great deal of water.
Didn't you know that? This fight's gonna be a bigger challenge than I thought.
- For you, perhaps.
- For me? Why, I'll slash and hash and-- A man who can't even squeeze water out of a stone? Of course, had you been wearing your magic gloves-- What's gloves got to do with anything? We both know the secret of your gloves, don't we? Gloves got nothin' to do with me bein' stronger and braver and-- You really think so? Shall we see? Oh! Now, don't let your basic insecurities manifest themselves.
No tremulous self-doubts no repressions.
Hmm? My dear child, you don't really understand your own problem, do you? I would like to help you, my dear child.
I would like to help you.
I would indeed like to help you.
[ Gasps ] Now, why do you want me to stop this fight, boy? Well, it wouldn't be much of an honor for Mr.
Thor to beat Dr.
Smith.
Dr.
Smith's not much of a fighting man.
Oh, yes, but that's not the point.
You see Thor is going through a difficult phase-- losing his hammer and gloves, you know.
I honestly believe he thinks that's where his courage comes from.
- Doesn't it? - Certainly not! Why, Thor is the bravest of all warriors! But I have to keep finding new challenges for him to keep him hero-sharp.
After all, Thor is the only one who can handle the Frost Giants.
Who are they? Terrible creatures, boy.
Terrible! What do boys do? Hmm, let's see.
Well, grow up mostly.
- Into men? - Uh-huh.
Oh! Tsk! What a pity! Tell me-- I seem to have a faint memory.
Don't little boys like to play and pretend? - Uh-huh.
- Then welcome! [ Sniffling ] [ Sniffling ] Oh, dear, dear, dear.
Very serious case.
Very serious, indeed.
You see, my child, what you have been relying upon as your own innate ability was actually false courage.
- Then I'm not a great warrior? - No, you are not.
And, what's more, you never were.
You, my erstwhile dreamer, have been living a lie.
And you say it all goes back to an unhappy childhood? - Indubitably.
- I see.
[ Sobs ] But I didn't have any childhood.
Oh, come, come, my poor child.
Self-pity is not the answer.
I'm thinking of Hildy.
This is just about gonna break that little heart.
There is, however, a possible means of saving face.
There is? Tell me, Doctor.
Tell me.
Well, here is my solution.
We shall tell Brynhilda that we have already engaged in the duel and that you trounced me solidly.
Do you understand? The result: You will retain your title and I shall leave here with a few chests of, uh, trinkets from Nifflheim to salve my wounded pride.
That hardly seems good enough for all the help you've been to me.
It will be.
It will be.
Well, I'm sure mixed up.
I thought that was the cowardly way.
What is courage and what is cowardice? My dear boy, is it courage to break poor, dear, sweet, little Brynhilda's heart? And I thought I could slay you dead.
My dear boy, you are incapable of squashing-- [ Sobbing ] - A dragonfly.
- Oh! - [ Sobbing Loudly ] - There, there, there, there, there, there, there.
Warning! Warning! Alien approaching! [ Man's Voice ] Harken and hear ye this! Prepare for attack! Repeat: Prepare for attack! Attack from Geirrod, Vafthrudnir Bergelmir, Bolthorn-- - The Frost Giants! - Giants? - What can I do, Doctor? - You can protect us, you idiot! Who, me? Summon the warriors! Prepare for the attack! To-ho, to-ho To-ho, to-- Ho.
Thor, the Frost Giants! - Don't just lie there on your bearskin.
- Get up, you big oaf! Oh! My sword! My sword! Mr.
Thor, what's wrong? What's the matter with him? I think he's suffered a seizure of some sort.
Dr.
Smith, you've gotta help me with him, or we'll all be killed.
Mr.
Thor, you've gotta snap out of this! You've gotta fight the Frost Giants! Giants? The end is near! How can a warrior war when he's not a warrior? - Dr.
Smith, what have you been doing to him? - Nothing at all.
We were just having a little talk about the weather.
It's no use.
It's because of a childhood I didn't have.
Now you've done it.
You've really done it! To-ho, to-ho Hai-a-ho-oh, hai-a-ho-oh - Brynhilda! - Hai-a-ho-oh - Brynhilda! - Hai-a-ho-oh [ Loud Rumbling ] Hildy, honey! I'll slay 'em dead! - Mr.
Thor, wait! The hammer and the gloves! - Oh! - By the star tides, which are the right two gloves? - Try this one.
- Help me, Dr.
Smith.
- It's on the wrong hand! Put it on the other one! No, no, no! This is the right glove! I'll be there in a minute, Hildy! Don't go away! [ Loud Banging ] - [ Growling ] - It's this one! - Hildy! - I'm all right! On with the fray! - I'll slay 'em dead! - Yo-ho, to-ho Dr.
Smith, look! [ Explosion ] - Are you all right? - Probably not.
Speak to me, Thor! Listen.
[ Crashing ] He did it! Thor drove them off with his hammer! A most remarkable achievement, of course.
But let me remind you, Thor, you never could have done it without the gloves! - He didn't even have them on.
- What? Well, what do you know? - How about that, Hildy? - My hero! [ Together ] Yo-ho, to-ho Yo-ho, to-ho [ Together ] To-ho [ Sighs ] Good-bye, boy.
I honor you by allowing you to return upon my great steed Slythia.
I'll bring the horse back on a star phase.
- He really is a homing horse.
- Thank you, Mrs.
Brynhilda.
[ Hissing ] - Hurry up, Dr.
Smith! The horse is leaving! - Dr.
Smith! - Wait for me! Wait! - # To-ho # To-ho Wait! Oh, dear.
Pounds and pounds of treasure and not an ounce of joy.
Ah, well.
Mom, Dad, we're back! Will! John, Will's back! Oh, Will! Where have you been? We were so worried.
- Where's Dr.
Smith? - He's still back there.
- Back where? - We were sent off before we could get him.
[ Explosion ] Dr.
Smith, what happened? Well, I don't quite know.
I was sitting on this chest when suddenly-- Chest? Oh, my! They did send treasure, after all.
Oh, I'm so ashamed of the dreadful things I was thinking about those delightful creatures.
Wealth untold-- diamonds, rubies, emeralds! Well? What did they give you? Dried dragonflies.
Oh, the pain.
The pain.
- Strike! - Attagirl, Penny! Right down the old pike.
Strike, indeed! Anyone could see that pitch was at least a foot outside.
The umpire's decision cannot be questioned.
- Play ball! - Ridiculous.
Now, then, observe the stance.
Babe Ruth, Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio and Dr.
Zachary Smith all wrapped up into one.
- Ha! - Proceed.
Strike! How dare you! That ball was practically in the dirt! One more display of temper, and I shall be forced to eject you from the game.
You will eject me? - Why you monstrous, mechanized, misguided moron! - Out! You are out of the game! Go to the showers! Very well.
You have hurt me to the quick.
I shall take my ball my glove and my bat and return to the spaceship.
Really, Dr.
Smith.
The Robot was only doing his job.
He's not an umpire.
He's a hopeless heap of tainted tin! If you stay, we'll let you pitch.
- Now I'm not sure I want to.
- I say, who needs him? He'll take his ball and bat and leave.
- What a sport! Sheesh! - Silence, ninny! Please don't quit, Dr.
Smith.
You can show us the pitch you taught Sandy Koufax, the dipsy-doodle.
Very well, but only on one condition: This astigmatic automaton watches the ball carefully and reports accurately.
I call them like I see them.
That remains to be seen.
Very well.
Give me the ball.
Oh, I've got the ball.
Give me the glove, my glove.
Is this your glove? Give me my glove.
This is my glove.
Now, then, I have my glove and my ball.
Now we shall see.
Now, then, observe and learn.
- Pitch it over the plate.
- I will pitch it exactly in the right attitude.
Now, then, observe.
This trick was taught to me by the famous Satchel Paige.
Now, then, here we are.