Lost In Space (1965) s03e14 Episode Script

Castles in Space

Is it cold up there? I wouldn't recommend it for sunbathing.
- Do you have much more to do? - We should be able to give it a try as soon as I get this contact in place.
Well, ready when you are, Mr.
Marconi.
Marconi? We'll have a communications network Marconi never dreamed of once we've got this squared away.
Judy, call your dad at the other camp base and tell him we're setting up now.
All right.
There.
Splendid.
Everything is in order.
Now remember, William, always lead the skeet.
In other words, aim and fire where the skeet is not.
- But where the skeet will be when my shot reaches it.
- Precisely.
Now, then, feet placed well apart.
And firmly placed-- very important, splendid.
Pull! - Huh.
I missed.
- By a mile, to use the vernacular.
Silence, ninny! Your eye was quicker than your hand, William.
Now let me show you.
I have never missed a skeet shot yet.
- Is your dad standing by? - Yes.
He's ready to report anything he hears.
Okay.
Let's give it a try.
- Power, on! - [ Whirring ] - Hey, it's working great! - [ Gasping ] Oh! What glorious memories this brings back to me of my skeet-shooting days on dear old Sea Island.
Picture this, William.
Using my trusty .
410 in the all-around trials - I annihilated the champion-- - Dr.
Smith listening to your memories won't teach me how to shoot skeet.
Indeed, William.
Beginners usually are inspired when I tell them of my legendary performance.
"Legend: A romantic story which is usually not true.
" Mind your manners or you'll lose your friends, you pot-bellied pumpkin! Pull! - [ Explodes ] - [ Screams ] - Are you all right? - [ Groans ] There's nothing broken.
- Don! Are you hurt? - No.
But our radar tower is.
- And not likely to recover.
- What a pity I was not here to supervise the job.
What? Really, William.
You yourself can testify to the fact that I was not even in the area.
- No, but the rock you shot was.
- What rock? Well, Dr.
Smith was teaching me how to shoot skeet.
Smith? Starting now, I want you to stack and tag every single damaged part.
And don't you stop until you finish the job.
Now do you understand that? Major, let me remind you that I am far more proficient at skilled rather than unskilled labor.
- Like skeet shooting, Dr.
Smith? - I'd better help him, Don.
He doesn't know much about technical equipment.
- No, I don't, Major.
- Well, he doesn't know much about anything.
Period.
It's gonna be like putting a jigsaw puzzle together.
How jolly.
Let me tell you something, William.
Despite the major's hasty conclusions, I still maintain that my skeet shooting was in no way responsible for the accident.
It wasn't? Well, then how did this get here? I have no idea.
I shall obey the major's orders but only to keep the peace.
We'll put the antenna together first.
I'll be able to get this free if you'll just move that rock.
- I don't think it's very heavy.
- My delicate back will simply not stand the strain.
William, I have a splendid idea.
It will get much lighter if I employ the principle of leverage.
Now let me see.
What can I use to demonstrate? Ahh! Here we are! Now watch carefully.
By bringing pressure to bear on this lever the boulder will rise in direct ratio to the pressure I exert thereby, freeing the desired object.
Why are you making such a big deal over such a little rock? Spare me the rhetoric, William.
I will prove to you that it does work.
Now then, are we ready? Here we go! Heave! [ Screams ] Oh, dear.
What have we done? Good heavens.
There's something frozen inside.
What sort of monster can it be? I don't know.
But one thing's for sure.
- It's still alive.
- [ Gasps ] William, there's a pulsating light there.
What do you suppose it means? - I don't know.
- I think we should put it back just where we found it and forget its very existence.
This happens to be our most critical radar site, Dr.
Smith.
If we place this object somewhere else, it might still interfere with our reception.
- Analysis, Robot.
- Chemical composition of alien sarcophagus does not fall within the range of material with which I am familiar.
However, its form is cryogenetic which means that an important constituent thereof is frozen fluid.
What kind of fluid? Its elements do not compute.
It does not melt at normal terrestrial temperatures.
Spare us this aimless cackling and tell us about that terrible creature inside.
The terrible creature is a living organism.
Presently in a condition of suspended animation.
[ Screams ] William, I think I saw it move.
It was your shadow, Dr.
Smith.
Don, what are we gonna do about it? I'm not sure.
Obviously, it wasn't meant to be disturbed.
So we have to decide whether to move it or move our radar site.
[ Clicks Tongue ] I'll let that decision wait until morning.
Do you think maybe we should put a watch on it? Yeah.
Good thought, Will.
Smith, you and the Robot take the first watch.
Uh, Major, due to an unusual metabolic malfunction I must tell you that I would be far more alert on the last watch - than I would be on the first.
- Fine.
You and the Robot take the first and last watch.
Someone out there doesn't like me.
- Affirmative, Dr.
Smith.
Affirmative.
- Bah! [ Sighs ] - Will asleep? - Like a baby.
- Good.
- More coffee? Yeah.
Thanks.
I wonder if Mother and Penny are asleep.
[ Sighs ] This is the first time I've been away from them for this long - since we left Earth.
- [ Chuckles ] You know, I kinda miss 'em too.
Don? I'm awfully curious about that sarcophagus and how long it's been here.
Well, if it were made of any known chemical or mineral I might be able to make an aging check on it.
But this way, I can't even guess-- it could be a week, a year hundreds of thousands of years-- I just don't know.
[ Sighs ] And if we try to guess where it came from or why this particular place was chosen-- [ Chuckles ] Well, if you have any trouble sleeping tonight -you try guessing instead of counting sheep.
- [ Laughs ] I'm gonna check in with the others now.
John, do you read me? Loud and clear.
We should be set up by dawn.
How are you doing? We've had a setback.
We're gonna be up here longer than we thought.
- Smith? - Who else? John, we've also come across some sort of alien life-form - in a block of frozen fluid.
- Frozen fluid? - What do you plan on doing with it? - Well, nothing.
It's in a completely dormant state.
I'm gonna have Smith stand guard over it tonight.
- Do you think that's wise? - Whatever it is, it's frozen solid.
Even Smith couldn't goof this one.
- Over and out.
- Over and out.
Well, I guess he knows what he's doing.
[ Harmonizing ] # I want to go home # # So, hoist up the John B.
sails # # See how the mainsail sets # # Call for the captain ashore Let me go home # # Let me go home # # Let me go home # # Well, I feel so break up # # I want to go home # # First mate, he got drunk # # Broke up the people's trunk # # Constable had to come and take him away # # Sheriff John Stone # # Why don't you leave me alone # # This is the worst trip # # Since I have been born # # So, hoist up the John B.
sails # # See how the mainsail sets # # Call for the captain ashore And let me go home # - # Let me go home # - # I want to go home # - # Oh, let me go home # - # Why don't you leave me alone # # Well, I feel so break up I want to go home ## - [ Laughs ] Hey, that's fun! - I did it! I think it said something.
What was it? You are listening to the wind, Dr.
Smith.
I am not programmed to interpret the language of the wind.
Only the language of windbags.
How dare you, you disreputable dunderhead! - Are you suggesting-- - Robots do not suggest.
- They only state facts.
- Hold your tongue, you silly goose.
My feet are cold.
And so are my hands.
There's something wrong with the controls of this blanket.
[ Shivers ] The controls are at maximum heat.
The condition of your extremities indicate that you are nervous.
I'm not at all surprised.
You would be nervous, too, if you were out here standing guard over a block of deadly, frozen fluid.
What do you think I am doing out here, Dr.
Smith? Waiting for a trolley? - Spare me your feeble attempts at humor! - [ Rocks Sliding ] - Something's approaching.
- There is no cause for alarm.
It was a slide of loose gravel.
Oh, dear.
I'm beginning to imagine things.
I'm not at all well.
Oh, dear! This blanket is definitely not operating properly! It's no good! It's no good at all! I shall freeze to death unless I have something hot to drink.
Personnel on guard duty are not permitted to leave their post without exp-- There.
That will teach you you tin-plated tattletale! [ Huffs ] [ Sighs ] The benison of a hot beverage.
Coffee.
So nice.
What a lovely, restful place this is.
I think I'll lie down here.
But just for a moment.
After all there's work to be done.
Yes.
Just for a moment.
[ Grunts, Sighs ] [ Sighs ] [ Hissing ] [ Rustling ] Don, what is it? I don't know.
But I'm gonna find out.
- Smith, get up! - I'm innocent! - What are you doing out here? Get on your feet.
- Oh! Where am I? - I must have walked in my sleep.
- I'll bet.
- Dr.
Smith, what's goin' on? - William.
I'm afraid I'm guilty of deserting my post.
Uh, but temporarily, of course.
And quite unintentionally.
[ Sighs ] It's gone! The whole ice block has melted.
Whatever was in that sarcophagus obviously was smart enough to deactivate the Robot.
Major, I have no idea how it happened but I seem to have the Robot's power pack.
Are you sure you don't know how that happened, Smith? Quite sure.
But I do seem to recall that he was extremely rude to me.
Dr.
Smith called me a tin-plated tattletale.
- You traitor! - I was about to warn him that it was dangerous to place a thermal blanket in close contact with a frozen block of fluid.
I see.
Well, there's one bit of scientific information we can thank you for, Doctor.
The fluid melts at thermal blanket temperature.
And revives the organism it contained.
- Don! Look at that! - [ Don ] That's what wakened me.
I heard something moving past the tent.
Let's see where they lead.
I feel quite shivery.
[ Sneezes ] I do believe I'm coming down with something.
My feet feel like ice.
The reason is obvious, Dr.
Smith.
You are standing in frozen fluid.
Melted, that is.
Well, it goes this far.
- It backs off.
- Afraid of the fire perhaps? Evidently.
We better call the search off until morning, huh? But it might still be in the area.
You are correct, Judy.
An alien organism is in the area.
It may be watching us right now, for all we know.
Well, it's not gonna be watching you, because you're going to bed, right now.
- But, Don, I'm not sleepy! - You will be.
- Once you're safely back in your sleeping bag.
- But-- But, Don! - Hit it, Will.
- How can I sleep when this thing is-- - Come on.
Hit it.
- [ Sighs ] - Good night.
- Good night.
- I think you'd better get some rest too, Judy.
Huh? - Yes, sir.
- Robot and I will stand guard.
- Good night.
Major, if I don't put on a pair of dry socks immediately I shall have chilblains by morning.
[ Screams ] Please don't throw this thing at me.
I just came here for a pair of warm socks, really.
We mean no harm to you.
You mean no harm to us.
Look.
See? Lower your spear.
- Now's your chance to do away with her.
- That won't be necessary, Smith.
Or desirable.
She's just as frightened of us as you are of her.
I'm from the planet Earth.
My name is West.
And I am Dr.
Zachary Smith, my dear.
The alien creature is from a cold and distant planet.
Her vocal cords do not function in temperate climates.
You don't have to be scared.
If you come with me, maybe we can find a way to talk to each other.
We want to help you.
Will.
Judy.
This is the terrible creature that Smith expected to find in the sarcophagus.
- She's beautiful! - Do you know who she is or where she's from? A cold and distant planet, that's all we know.
but we'll learn more, once we gain her confidence.
I'll pour some coffee.
[ Explosion ] There's no need to be frightened.
It was probably just a meteor.
Whatever it was, it represents some sort of danger to her.
Well, at least she knows we don't represent any danger.
Come on.
Come on.
Robot, do you know where it landed? I can give you its position.
That is all.
south by southeast.
That's pretty close.
Maybe you and I should go investigate, Dr.
Smith.
Certainly not, William.
I'm still officially on guard duty, you know.
I wouldn't dream of abandoning my post.
Besides, only fools step in where angels fear to tread.
I sure would like to know what it is.
The major will give you all the information you need in the morning.
It might be gone by then.
I know.
Robot, go over there and case the area.
Just get close enough to get some information.
But if it looks dangerous, come right back.
Don't take any chances.
I will heed your advice, Will Robinson.
Dr.
Smith, I thought you were supposed to be on guard duty.
According to a recent survey, William, it was discovered that all personnel function much more effectively when allowed a coffee break.
Hey, toro.
[ Speaking Spanish ] Hey, what you do here, huh? I am a robot.
I am here on an investigative mission.
However, I must give you fair warning that I am programmed to defend myself if I am attacked.
You make so much talk, like big city lawyer.
Show how you defend yourself.
[ Electrical Crackling ] Hey! Now I show you how Chavo defend.
[ Gunshots ] It's pretty good, no? Huh? You and me, 50-50 proposition.
You no attack Chavo, Chavo no attack toro.
Huh? It is a deal.
¡Cielos! Is pretty good horns you got here, amigo.
Un momentito.
Un momentito.
Vente, torito.
Ven, torito.
¡Ven, toro! That does not compute.
Hey, maybe-- Maybe I teach you, huh? Would you like that? Negative.
My investigation is now complete.
- I am leaving.
- Hey, torito! Un momentito.
Just a momentito.
Hey.
Have a little drink with Chavo, huh? Chavo feel mucho insult if you don't have a drink.
Is important custom that amigos must drink together.
Mira.
Ahh! Now you.
Gracias.
But I am not programmed to accept fermented beverages.
What? Fermented? Is good for you! Vamos.
Here.
Mira.
[ Hiccups ] - [ Chuckles ] You like, yes? Huh? - [ Hiccups ] Hey.
Take here.
Take some more.
[ Hiccups, Belches ] [ Laughing ] Hey, torito.
Maybe you tell me something, yes? It depends on whether it is contained within my "bemory manks.
" Uh, "memory benks.
" Uh, memory banks.
Listen.
Is perhaps you know there is pretty muchacha here someplace? She is princesa de hielo.
How do you call it? Uh, ice princess.
You know where little muchacha is, huh? I am not at liberty to reveal pilvig-- privelig-- Uh, privileged information.
- ¿Uno más? ¿Uno más? - ¿Uno más? - ¿Uno más.
Ayee! - ¿Uno más? [ Hiccups ] ## [ Robot Singing "Cielito Lindo"] ## [ Continues ] Do you hear that? It sounds like our Robot.
It can't be.
It's someone singing.
We better find out what it is before it wakes up Don and Judy.
William, what about the ice girl? Well, she'll be all right.
[ Dr.
Smith ] She looks frozen.
- Poor child.
- I guess that's her natural look.
- Come on.
Let's go.
- ## [ Robot Resumes ] # Ay, ay, tequila # ## [ Laughing ] ¡Olé! ¡Salud, muchacho! ¡Salud, Dr.
Smith! Good heavens.
Robot, what's happened to you? What took you so long? Did you find anything out? ## [ "Cielito Lindo" ] [ Crashing ] - What's happened to him? - I cannot be certain, William but offhand, I'd say that our roly-poly rowdy has had a drop or two to drink.
[ Groaning ] Why did it have to happen to me? My memory banks will never be the same again.
- Take it easy.
You're gonna be okay.
- I seriously doubt that.
Obviously, he's not fit to be trusted with a responsible mission.
He's no better than a barfly.
- We were amigos.
I trusted Chavo.
- Chavo? - Who is this Chavo? - I wanted to be polite.
I couldn't refuse when he kept pouring fluid into my memory banks.
Fluid indeed! Do you think I will recover, Will Robinson? I hope so.
You're gonna have to be dried out in the sun though.
That's for sure.
Robot.
One of your reserve computers is gone! - Did Chavo take it? - ¿Quien sabe? I am sorry, Will Robinson.
I am afraid I goofed.
And that is not all.
- What else happened? - I may have talked too much.
You always do, you garrulous gargoyle! Obviously this Chavo is a dreadful villain.
And our lives are not worth a moment's purchase.
We must do something at once.
Maybe you and I should go talk to him, Dr.
Smith.
Splendid idea, William! Why don't you go over there and have a nice little chat with him-- while I stay here and nurse our poor, dear, sick friend.
He needs constant attention.
Dr.
Smith, why do you always have an alibi when something important has to be done? He also serves who stands and nurses.
All right.
I'll go talk to him.
But I'm only going to get the Robot's computer back.
If his first-line computer assembly should blow out he'd be nothing but a bunch of junk.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Be careful, William.
Well, what have you got to say for yourself? - Will this dizzy feeling ever leave me? - I hope not! Is pretty good soldados, muchacho.
No? If you're the one who took our Robot's computer well, I'd like it back, please.
¡Olé, muchacho! You have mucho valor.
You're not afraid of Chavo and his army? Sure, I'm afraid.
But I don't see why you'd want to hurt me.
I don't even know what you're doing here.
Well, I tell you.
There was once upon a time una hermosa muchacha de hielo.
You mean the ice princess, I guess.
Sí, ice princess.
Ice princess is very much loved by madre and padre.
They do not wish her to die.
Or to be stolen.
That's why they hide her away until it's time for her to be queen.
I have had a very hard time trying to find her.
- Why do you want to find her? - To take her back to her madre and padre.
Is it time for her to become queen? Little inocente, you do not understand.
- I tell you when you're older.
- You want to hold her for ransom, don't you? So much talk from one so young.
- Well, I don't think you're gonna get away with it.
- ## [ Strums ] - Is that your opinion? - And Don's.
I'm gonna go tell him what you're doing.
You want Chavo to turn loose his soldados, muchacho? Don's not afraid of your old soldados either.
Oh.
Hey, muchacho.
I think I like you to stay a while with Chavo.
- Smith.
Everything under control? - Oh, yes, Major.
Everything is under control.
Except for the fact that this sentry nonsense is wreaking havoc with my bunions.
- Where's Will? - William decided to take a short constitutional before breakfast.
His appetite has been very poor lately.
Well, I hope for your sake he hasn't gone too far.
- Good morning.
- Ah, good morning, my dear.
I was just telling the major that William is taking a short constitutional.
That's unusual.
And how's our visitor this morning? Don? Why are you afraid? There's nothing to be afraid of.
Look.
Come out here and see for yourself.
I don't understand it.
She seems more scared now than she did last night.
Smith? Are you positive you were wide awake all the time? - Oh, absolutely, Major.
- Cómo están, amigos? Is it with gun you make visitors welcome? - [ Don ] Who are you, and what do you want? - My name is Chavo.
Good heavens.
Chavo.
It's the villain himself.
- What villain? Do you know him? - Not personally, Major.
Just by hearsay.
I do believe I shall join William for his constitutional.
- Smith! - So, you heard about Chavo.
Muy bueno.
I have good publicity all over galaxy.
- Well, I for one have never heard of you.
- [ Chuckles ] And I'm still waiting to find out what you're doing here.
[ Chuckles ] Ustedes hombres-- Always want to know everything right away.
It's better when you take a little time to talk.
- Have a nice drink.
- There's some coffee, if you'd like some of that.
- Have a nice drink.
- There's some coffee, if you'd like some of that.
[ Chuckles ] It can wait.
Ha! Nice camp you got here.
When did you get here, huh? Where are you from? I thought I was asking the questions.
[ Chuckles ] You ask questions.
I ask questions.
Same difference.
All good, friendly talk.
Something is special inside you don't want Chavo to see, amigo? Why don't you try asking permission before you start nosing around - other people's property? - [ Chavo ] Okay.
Está bien.
- So I ask for permission-- - And it's denied.
- You're not too friendly, amigo.
- That's right.
I'm not.
As a matter of fact, I think it's time you left here.
- That's an insult! - Take it for what it is.
[ Chuckles ] Está bien.
So, what is the good to fight, amigo? All I come is to-- to ask you, maybe you can help Chavo with mercy mission.
- Mercy mission? - Sí.
Mercy mission.
On other planet there is padre and madre wringing their hands, crying, praying for the return of little, lost muchacha.
So, I, Chavo promise to find her for them.
Did the parents give you the authority to make this search? Ciertamente.
You think I make such a search without authority? Thank you, Chavo.
That's all I needed to know.
The sooner you get out of here, the better.
You know something, amigo? I think you help Chavo with mercy mission.
- And what makes you think that? - By tonight I think you deliver poor little princesa to Chavo.
What's that supposed to be? Some kind of an ultimatum? Such hard, angry word.
The boy is like you.
He also uses angry, hard word.
- What do you know about my brother? - Oh, the boy.
[ Chuckles ] El muchacho.
We are very, very good friends.
I take excelente care of the muchacho.
Until tonight.
When you deliver the poor, little lost princesa to Chavo.
Major! Major? - Oh, William and I had a lovely constitutional.
- Is that so, Smith? - Yes, Major.
Lovely.
- Dr.
Smith - Chavo's got Will.
- You know? I'm afraid I'm partly to blame for that.
- Okay, let's have it.
- It's a long story.
You see, William was so curious about the flare we saw in the sky last night that he insisted upon going out to investigate it.
- And you let him go.
- The Robot had just returned from a similar expedition in a rather, well, inebriated condition.
I thought it was quite innocent.
Naturally, I voiced my strongest objections.
Judy, you get a gun and keep watching the girl.
- Smith and I are going after Will.
- Major-- I'm afraid my bunions might prove a serious impediment.
If they do, you can get on your hands and knees and crawl.
Come on! Major, I'm completely exhausted.
Perhaps you'd better go on without me.
I can only be a hindrance to you.
Not this time, Smith.
You're gonna be a decoy.
But decoys are usually shot at, aren't they? Look! Come on.
Get down.
Eat, muchacho, eat.
It build up your strength.
I'm not very hungry.
How you gonna be big and strong like Chavo if you don't eat? - Hey, where are you going? - I figured your soldiers would be hungry.
- I was gonna give it to them.
- Huh? I give.
Hey, soldados.
You want food? They ate already.
For good muchachos, I have candy.
- Come on! - Thanks.
Well, at least he's not mistreating Will.
- He seems quite paternal.
- Oh, yeah.
Like a father alligator.
Well, I guess we're gonna have to wait until night before we can do anything.
Then surely you will not require my services as decoy any longer, will you? To the contrary, Smith.
I'll need 'em even more.
[ Panting ] Will's all right.
For now, anyway.
- You did see him? - Yeah.
From a distance.
Chavo was very nice to William.
He gave him candy.
- If it wasn't poisoned.
- Now look, Judy.
We've got until midnight to talk to that girl and find out how much of what Chavo told us is true.
- If she'll talk to us.
- Well, let's find out.
- She's gone! - What? It's all your fault, you irresponsible wine dibber.
If you had been in any decent condition that ice girl would still be here to make the exchange with William.
Poor, dear boy.
There's no hope for him now.
The major will never find that girl.
And who, may I ask, is responsible for letting Will Robinson go in the first place? Surely you didn't expect me to go.
I was busy playing nursemaid to you.
A likely story.
You should be ashamed of yourself, Dr.
Smith.
Sending a boy to do a man's job.
Are you not ashamed? Indeed I am not! I did what I had to do.
- You are a coward, Dr.
Smith.
- A coward? I? I'll have you know I'm famous for me bravery.
Then it is up to you to rescue Will Robinson.
It is? How? By acting as a decoy.
I have a complete plan.
I'm sure I won't like it, but let me hear it.
[ Softly ] First of all, we are going to-- [ Indistinct ] Time is a-wasting, Dr.
Smith.
Be still, ninny.
I'm doing the best I can with your preposterous plan.
It is not preposterous.
It is brilliant.
Wow.
Indeed! This is the final ignominy.
A man of my quality reduced to this deceit.
- It will never work.
- It will work, Dr.
Smith.
For a moment, I thought it was her.
Hold her up, Dr.
Smith.
Hold her up.
Very well.
I shall do it.
But only under the strongest protests! And only with the condition that the moment I lure Chavo in my direction -you will finish him off.
- Affirmative, Dr.
Smith.
Now, remember.
Your firing batteries must be charged for maximum firing power.
- Will you remember that? - Affirmative.
Now, follow me.
On second thought this senorita and I will follow you.
That is what you usually do.
Spare me the saucy sallies, John Barleycorn.
Proceed! Now, you, madam.
Come along with me.
And we shall see what we shall see.
## [ Strums ] Your friend the major loses valuable time.
He better come soon with the princesa, or I get very furious.
¡Colérico! [ Dr.
Smith Imitating Female ] Hello there! Hey! Hey, muchacho, she's here! Hello, there! [ Chuckles ] Come, princesita, show yourself.
Your friend the major is wise.
Princesa, Chavo waits for you.
When you let the boy go I will come to you.
[ Softly ] Keep her up, Dr.
Smith.
Keep her up.
How do I know you keep your promise, princesa? A princesa never lies.
Here is my bond! [ Gasps ] Go, muchacho, go.
You are free.
Tell your friends, ¡hasta la vista! I don't understand.
Don would never-- Ah, your major is a wise man.
He knows when he's licked.
Go, now.
Go.
¡Princesa! ¡Princesa! Chavo waits for you.
Come and get me, honey! Yeah! Right away! [ Female Voice ] Fire-- [ Regular Voice ] Fire when he comes within range.
- Affirmative.
- ¡Princesita! [ Female Voice ] Over here, honey.
Ah, there you are, princesa.
It is mucho dark.
I cannot see you very well.
- Show yourself, princesa, huh? - Fire, stupid.
Fire! My firing batteries appear to be dead, Dr.
Smith.
Then recharge them, you dumb-headed dolt! Ah, princesa? Oh, toro, mi amigo! You are duenna-- chaperona for princesa.
You may go now.
I take care of princesa.
Ay, princesita.
Is not necesario struggle, princesa.
Chavo take very, very good care of you.
We go to my estancia.
I send message to your padre and madre.
Then, pretty soon, I ship you in a royal ship - to your planet.
- [ Female Voice ] Oh, no! You're making - [ Male Voice ] a terrible mistake.
- Huh? What is? Your voice is changing like boy? Huh? [ Chuckles ] Ahh, you are shy.
Come on.
Show your pretty face to Chavo.
And a smile for Chavo, huh? Come on, princesita.
Come on! Huh? [ Speaking Spanish ] You are not young princesa.
You are a waxwork "dommy"! - Huh? - [ Shrieks ] I'm not a "dommy.
" Uh, dummy.
Well, you made voice like dummy.
You make dummy talk like dummy and walk like dummy - so you must be dummy too, huh? - What are you going to do to me? Oh, shut your face, you princesa.
- [ Female Voice ] Yes, honey.
Oh! - Ha! - [ Spanish ] - Whoa! What is it? What are you going to do? - [ Spanish ] - Oh! You wouldn't! [ Screams, Shrieks ] Don't harm me! [ Yelps ] Oh, dear! - [ Indistinct ] - [ Muttering In Spanish ] [ Laughing, Speaking Spanish ] - [ Indistinct ] - [ Laughing ] [ Shrieks ] Oh! [ Indistinct ] Stop! You can take this too, eh? Huh? Hey.
¡Soldados! - [ Spanish ] - [ Screams ] Oh, dear.
My end is near.
Where are you going? Will! You all right? - I guess so.
- How'd you get away? Don't you know? You sent the ice princess to him.
Hey now, wait a minute.
Ice princess? - Oh-ho, no.
She disappeared this morning.
- She did? - Yeah.
- But a girl showed up there.
You know, when I really think about it, she didn't sound much like a girl.
- Must have been Smith.
- Dr.
Smith? - Yeah.
He and the Robot are missing.
- We better go get 'em.
No, no, no.
Not so fast.
We don't want to jump in-- Hey, amigos.
You have plenty tricks, señor, ha? You send an old fool to make monkey of Chavo.
Well, that is not permitted! It is an insult! Throw away your gun.
We fight with knives.
Will, get back.
Way back.
Look, Chavo.
That girl you were looking for-- she was with us.
- But she disappeared.
- [ Chuckles ] Liar.
Fight for her.
- [ Robot ] Chavo! - Now, you come to make corrida with Chavo, huh? - Affirmative.
- It is irresistible, señor.
First, I take care of toro.
Then, I take care of you.
¡Toro! ¡Toro! Toro, you die soon.
Your moment of truth is very close.
Come on, toro.
¡Toro! Hey, why don't you shout "olé"? Toro.
Ha.
Hah-hah! Come to the muleta, toro.
Come! [ Lasers Firing ] Mr.
Chavo, are you hurt? [ Moans ] I'm destroyed.
[ Gasps ] Never I lose a fight with bulls-- never! I never again show my face to my friends.
Well, it can't be that bad.
Maybe I'm getting a little too old for bullfighting.
Maybe I go back to ranch.
And watch the young ones like you grow bold and brave and follow the bulls.
Thank you, muchacho.
[ Grunts ] Is a fine, brave boy.
It makes proud to have a friend like that.
What you said about princesa de hielo, I believe.
But I don't look for her anymore.
[ Chuckles ] I go back to rancho.
[ Chuckles ] Hey, toro.
Do not be too proud.
The braver the bull the harder he falls.
[ All Chuckling ] Adios, señor.
- Hasta luego, muchacho.
- Adios.
Oh! Thank heavens I'm in time to warn you.
That terrible Chavo may be here at any moment.
- He's been here and gone, no thanks to you.
- Don, look! [ Speaking In Alien Language ] - [ Will ] She's gone! - Good riddance.
She has had herself summoned back to her own planet.
- And not a moment too soon.
- Why didn't she just do that in the first place instead of letting us get into all that trouble with Chavo? - Yeah, why? - With alien life-forms, ours is not to reason why.
Ours is but to do or become permanently deactivated.
I don't think that's quite right.
But I guess it turned out for the best.
- Did you have any trouble setting up the antenna? - Oh, just the usual.
[ Don ] Yeah, once the bounty hunter left, and the ice princess disappeared - it was a cinch.
- A bounty hunter and an ice princess? - Tell you all about that later.
- Where's Dr.
Smith? I don't know.
Last time I saw him, he and the Robot were fighting over a senorita.
A senorita? There! Take her, she's yours.
I created her for you.
She is yours.
- [ Screams ] - [ John ] What's going on? [ Don ] Oh, John, just one of those usual old-fashioned love triangles.
Love triangles indeed.
The base of this triangle very nearly cost me my life.
- Correction: I gave your life meaning.
- Bah, booby! [ Don ] Come on, Smith! Get in this Chariot, or you'll be left behind.
- What shall we do with her? - Why don't you try serenading her? I think she needs it.
- [ Chuckling ] - Come on, madam.