Loudermilk (2017) s02e08 Episode Script

Iron Man

1 My daughter, Claire, she's a good girl.
My husband passed recently, and since then, she's gotten out of control.
I don't make house calls.
My mom's a bitch, and she won't let me come over and stay there until I've cleaned up, so Why are you here? I need help.
You got a visitor here.
- You were, um - Oh.
Hurting myself is easy, and living is the hard part.
Don't forget, guys, you came here looking for me.
So, somebody.
- I'll go.
- Except Claire.
Mugsy and I have been listening to her shit for a month.
- Are you serious? - I thought you got it all out last week.
Don't you remember? Your mom was cheating on your dad with the neighbor back when you were still a lesbian.
If I'd known you were gonna go shopping before the meeting, I wouldn't have come with you.
If I knew you were gonna complain the whole time, I wouldn't have invited you.
Just try and make the best of it.
It's shoe shopping.
There is no "best" of it.
Come on.
Like you couldn't update your look a little.
What's wrong with what I have on? You might want to think about the message your clothes are sending to the world.
If it's along the lines of "Fuck off and don't talk to me," then I'm okay with that.
Is it really that bad? I'm Oh, where did that come from? Your gut is, like, number five on the list of things you need to improve.
Okay, just sit down, okay? I'm gonna find you some stuff.
- Mommy, I'm hungry.
- I know, honey.
We'll meet Nana for an açai bowl at the juice bar as soon as I'm done, okay? Do you want an açai bowl? - A-sah-ee! A-sah-ee! A-sah-ee! - [LAUGHS.]
Okay, go play with Sonia.
Cute kid.
I think I'll keep him.
How old? Fifty months next week.
- Ah.
- Hey, what about these? No, I'm not fucking playing at Wimbledon.
How 'bout you guys? Any kids? - The two of us? - Ew, gross.
No, we're we're not together.
God, no.
That Uh, mnh I just assumed, since you were shopping together.
My ex and I used to shop together.
But I love kids, you know? They're just such loud, sticky little miracles.
Mommy, I fall down.
Oh, baby! I'm sorry.
Oh, come here.
Well, look at that.
It always soothes him.
Oh, I bet.
It seems like he's having a whale of a time over there.
Excuse me? He's a baby.
That's not a baby.
- Yes, it is.
- Uh, no, no, no.
I'm no expert, okay, but, uh, I think it's pretty much understood that they're babies until about age 1, and they're toddlers till about age 3, and after that, they're just children, which is what you have sitting on your lap there knocking back a boob-uccino.
Hey, what about Oh! Oh, here we go.
Now you're getting judgy, too.
No, no, no.
W-Whatever you choose to do with your you know, is completely up to you.
Thank you.
Your friend here thinks it's inappropriate for me to nourish my baby in public.
It's not a baby.
Again, I'm not Mr.
Spock You mean Dr.
Spock? Whatever, okay? The rule is if a kid can pronounce "açai bowl" and is breast-feeding in between bites of sushi, it's time to maybe start pouring it into a cup.
Fuck you.
Well, I'm just trying to help you out, lady, before you get whisker burns on the twins there.
You know why you're single? Because you're an asshole.
He's not single 'cause he's an asshole.
He's single 'cause he's an asshole who dresses like shit.
What the fuck's going on in there? Is he getting laid? If he is, he's doing it wrong.
Oh, shit.
Buddy, what happened? I was doing some power crunches, and I tweaked my back.
- Dude, no, you need to warm up for at least 10 to 20 minutes before strenuous exercise to avoid injury.
Just help me up.
Okay, just need to warm up first.
- Come on.
- Okay.
All right.
- Just help me up.
Okay, okay.
Lois Lane seems a pretty strong woman The kind of woman that a girl could be What is with these '90s grunge bands? What are these names? Skin Yard? 7 Year Bitch? Afghan Whigs? I mean, do they all get together collectively at a bar and decide on, like, the douchiest names ever? Probably.
Too bad you missed it.
Large black.
Jesus Christ, Quasimodo, what are you doing here? Who's guarding the bell tower? I figured that brown goat urine Felix calls coffee will make me forget about my back.
- Ahh.
Is that you? Sounded like someone sat down in a wicker chair.
Why don't you take some Advil? No, I like pain.
It reminds me how much pain I'm in.
I need you to rack those ASAP.
Felix thinks a time traveler's gonna come in looking for a CD for his Oh, shit.
- What's going on? - Shh.
Claire, is that you? Oh, Mr.
and Mrs.
What're you doing here? Oh, just in the city for the day.
Yep, lunch and shopping.
We were told to check out the coffee here.
Really, here? We were to sorry to hear about your dad, Claire.
It's a terrible thing.
Yeah, it's not the same without your mom and dad at the club.
We miss seeing them there.
Yeah, I bet you do.
Well, good to see you out in the working world.
Are you the manager? Yes.
Well, kind of I'm the assistant manager.
Comes with a lot of responsibility, though You know, putting out fires here and there.
They really lean on me.
Claire, it's bad.
I need you in the bathroom stat.
It's gonna be a two-man job And bring the poop knife.
Uh, coffee's really strong here.
Well, we'll let you get back to it.
Um, it was good to see you, Claire.
If you or your mom need anything, please, don't hesitate to call.
Awfully rude to Mr.
and Mrs.
Cleaver, wouldn't you say? - You don't know anything, Loudermilk.
No, I guess I I don't.
My mom was screwing Mr.
Endersby behind my dad's back.
How how do you know that? Because they played bridge every Saturday at the club, and when I was in high school one night, I was supposed to be at this sleepover, but I ended up coming home late and I saw my mom and Mr.
Endersby on the couch together.
In flagrante delicto? What the fuck does that mean? No, he had his arm around her, and when they saw me, they jumped up, guilty as shit.
Your mom? I'm I'm just having a hard time picturing that.
Oh, no, there it is.
That's my mom.
That's disgusting.
Get me that poop knife! BEN: Okay, hold on.
Back it up.
You're saying it's perfectly legal for you to hit a pedestrian with your car while they're crossing the street.
Is that what you're saying? If if you leave the confines of the crosswalk, yes.
I'm pretty sure that's the law.
Well, I'm pretty sure it's not the law, because I'm 100% sure it's illegal.
It's like It's like a goalie leaving the crease.
You're you're no longer protected.
Actually, there's an area behind the net called the trapezoid, where the goalie is totes protected.
Why why don't you shove the trapezoid up your ass? Okay, as someone who's no longer legally permitted to drive, I'd like to go out on a limb here and suggest to this group, that probably has a couple dozen DUIs between us, let's steer clear of encouraging each other to mow down pedestrians.
Um, hi.
The PTA meeting's later.
This is just the boozers and the druggies.
My people.
Um, thing is, this is a Men's Only meeting.
- Excuse me? - What? - What am I looking at? - What Oh, yeah, okay.
Except for her.
She's considered a guy.
If she wants to sit in, let her.
Have a seat.
All right, cool.
Sit down.
Thank you.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Brooke.
- Hi, Brooke.
- Hi, Brooke.
Hey, Brooke.
Um, do you want to tell us your story, Brooke? Sure.
Happy to talk.
Like I said, I'm Brooke, and I'm an alcoholic.
Sober 3 years, 57 days.
I just moved here last month from Chicago, where I ran a sober-living group for the last two years.
What brings you to Seattle? I own a franchise of wellness clinics and try to split my time between all of them, so here I am.
What kind of wellness do you provide? BROOKE: We specialize in Eastern medicine.
The second time I got sober, acupuncture was my saving grace, so when I finally regained my sanity, I decided to make it my profession.
But, you know, we also offer chiropractic care, Shiatsu massage, Pilates, light therapy, Reiki The whole gamut.
So what happened the first time? The first time? You said you got sober from that acupuncture shit the second time.
What happened the first time? Oh, ha, well, that's a whole story.
Do tell.
Okay, well The night of my wedding, I got black-out drunk, and I fucked the DJ in the bridal suite.
- Ooh.
- No, no, Ed.
The next morning, my husband told me it was him or the booze.
So I found a group and for a while it worked, but he was never really able to forgive me, and I wasn't really able to forgive myself, either.
Can't say that was an easy one, so I started drinking again, and eventually, he left without even a goodbye.
So at your wedding, you had a DJ? Not a band? I can relate to what Brooke is saying.
I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad before he died.
W-W-Wait a minute, now.
You just hijacked her story.
See, I want to know about this DJ.
Did he, like, play your boobs like turntables, you know? Like [IMITATES ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
That's part of the Men's Only component I was referring to, but just, you know Claire, you want to elaborate? Uh, okay, yeah.
The night my dad died, I was at a sorority party, and I missed his final call.
If I wasn't slugging jello shots, maybe I could've talked to him.
Maybe he wouldn't have, um I'm really sorry, Claire.
I'm sure your father, he he knew that you loved him.
Thanks for sharing, Claire.
Thank you, Brooke.
Uh, so, to recap, don't hit pedestrians.
I can't emphasize this enough band, not deejay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
It was really nice to have you in the group today.
BROOKE: Yeah, thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you.
Um, do you think you're gonna come back, or - I'll see how I feel - Oh, God.
Jesus Christ.
- What the fuck? - Here, let me help you.
No, I'm good.
I'm fine.
Okay, let's just take a few deep breathes.
Breathe in the pain [INHALES DEEPLY.]
And exhale it out.
What? Am I crowning? Thank you for the Lamaze coaching.
I'm I'm I'm really good.
Thank you.
Let me just take a look.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Don't touch.
I get it.
You don't believe in this shit.
Claire, here's my card.
Have him call me if it gets worse.
Hi, Mike.
- Everything okay? - Yeah.
You? You need something? Actually, I'm here for Claire.
Thanks, but I'm all caught up on my confessions for the week.
I was hoping we could speak privately in my office.
Oh, come on! This is bullshit.
Language, Claire.
I'm sorry, dear, but you don't answer my calls, you you don't return my messages Yeah, because I don't want to talk to you.
Have a seat, Claire.
Let's make this quick.
It's nice to see you, Claire.
From what I gather, you've been doing much better.
Yeah, well, I am.
You look great.
Right, well, um The reason I've been trying to contact you is to tell you I've decided to sell the house.
Are you fucking kidding me? Claire, please.
You're in a house of worship, and this isn't a decision your mother takes lightly.
It's too big for one, and I can't take care of it on my own.
And, frankly, I think it's time for us to move on.
Of course you do.
What is that supposed to mean? I'm not doing this here.
You want to sell the house, fine.
It's just a house, not a home.
It hasn't been for a long time, so just go for it.
Are we finished? - Yes.
- Great.
No, no.
There's one more thing.
I've been going through your father's belongings, and I've set aside a few items for you.
I was hoping you could stop by sometime soon to get them.
If I say yes, can I leave? Sure.
- CLAIRE: You're okay.
Oh, thank God you're home.
What's your Netflix password again? My fucking back.
- All one word? - No.
It's BOTH: Dianne-underscore-Wiest-zero-three.
- Jesus.
- Oh, not again.
Yeah, my fucking back is fucking killing me.
Ah, ah.
Is there anything I can do? Yeah, just sit there on your ass like you're doing and don't lift a finger.
You got it.
It's her fault.
My fault? Yeah, you told me I had a gut.
What? When? - At the shoe store.
- No, I didn't.
Well, you implied it when you said, "You have a gut.
" Told you, dude.
You should've warmed up first.
Stop it.
It hurts when you talk.
Is that a candle? Yeah, it was a bit stale in here, and besides, I always enjoy a little pumpkin spice whenever I masturb watch television.
Thanks a lot.
You just ruined Thanksgiving forever.
And candles.
I'll be in my room.
Wasted I always get wasted on love I tasted it But one fix is never close to enough Then I'm spinning and I'm flying - - Then I'm cumming and I'm dying Oh, yes Oh, yes Oh, yes I get wasted on love I get wasted on love Yes, it does [DOOR CLOSES.]
Yes, it does What in the hell? Hey, sunshine.
You're up early.
Did you sleep out here? Not sure "sleep" is the right word.
I'll get you a coffee.
You're a saint.
Hey, what'd Father Mike want last night? Nothing important.
You know, you look like shit.
Are you sure you can't take anything? No, it's just the morning creaks.
I'll shake it off with some caffeine.
You used my frozen mangoes as ice packs? These are organic, asshole.
I use them for smoothies.
Okay, I'm done with them.
I'd love a smoothie, too, now that you mention it.
Mm, mm.
See, good as new.
- What's this? - Brooke's card.
Yeah, no thanks.
- Call her.
- [SIGHS.]
You look like you need some wellness.
The only thing I need is a way to get to the toilet.
I got you, buddy.
Here we go 1, 2, 3.
Wait, no Ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! An ocean away Staring at the sea bed She wonders why it can be so hard To find a reason Not sure if you want any of it.
But maybe you'll find something meaningful in there.
Of course I want it.
It's all I have left.
I'm still here, Claire.
I never left.
You left a long time ago.
Enough with the innuendos, Claire.
You've been angry with me for long enough now.
If there's something you need to say, then grow up and just say it.
What did I do to you that was so awful? You really want me to say it out loud? Tell me.
You fucked around on Dad, and when he found out, he killed himself.
What? I saw you and Mr.
Endersby on the couch.
I'm not a fucking idiot, okay? Claire, you don't really know everything that went on back then.
Oh, I know a lot more than you think I know.
- I know everything.
- No, you don't.
- Open the middle drawer.
- What? - Why? - Claire, just do it.
What? Look in the envelope.
"My Dearest One, it's late, but I had to write and tell you just how beautiful you looked tonight, how much my heart soared when I saw you walk into the room.
" So Dad loved you.
Look who it's addressed to.
Linda Endersby.
Endersby? What? But Dad Dad wouldn't do something like this.
It's true, Claire.
The night you saw Jon here, he'd come over to tell me about the affair.
I didn't want to believe it, either, until he showed me those pictures.
What photos? [BREATHES SHAKILY.]
What? I don't understand.
Why why didn't you just ask for a divorce? I don't know.
Maybe because I'm Catholic to a fault, and maybe because I knew how much it would hurt you, but in the end, it wasn't needed.
Once Linda found out your dad's company was going under, she left him.
Two weeks later, he was gone.
He was a complete fraud.
He lied about everything.
No, he wasn't a fraud, honey.
He was a good man, and, like a lot of good men, he had flaws.
But he loved you more than anything in the world.
That part was always true.
But so do I.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Look at you.
Where you been? Ya know.
Hey, we miss you.
Can I get you anything? My treat.
Get whatever you want.
I'm glad you finally came in.
Well, it was either that or euthanasia, and the coin came up heads.
You know, a lot of lower back pain is rooted in anxiety and unresolved anger.
You don't say.
Lucky for me, this is just a pulled muscle.
All I'm suggesting is letting go of the anger.
I'm not angry! Hold out your arm.
You're angry.
Look, I I appreciate the concern, okay, but I'm not here for a reading.
I'm just here to let you crack my back.
Fair enough.
Okay, now let's take a deep breath in - and out.
Okay, that was a crack! That that that was definitely a crack.
Wow, that I think that worked.
How did you do that? You know, just a little voodoo.
Okay, let's try that again.
I need you to roll onto your back.
This might be a bit uncomfortable.
- Deep breath - [INHALES DEEPLY.]
- and - [NECK CRACKS.]
Yeah, uh-huh.
Good, other side.
- Deep breath - [INHALES DEEPLY.]
- and - [NECK CRACKS.]
Ooh, wow.
- That feels pretty good.
Little lightheaded, but My "was-band" used to throw out his back, and this always helped.
And bourbon.
For him.
Not for you.
Or me.
Um By the way, you should try Reiki.
It's a real game-changer.
- You went.
- He did.
- Ah.
- Hm.
I already got 75% more mobility.
Easy there, tiger.
There's still more work to do.
I'll see you inside.
Well, you two are sure hitting it off.
I am going back next week to have her balance my chakras.
- Really? - Fuck, no.
What are chakras? LOUDERMILK: You got to be fucking kidding me.
Who you gonna network with at 1:00 a.
? Hey, come on, dude.
The kid finally got a job.
- Take it easy.
- As a bartender.
He's an alcoholic.
That's a recipe for disaster.
Well, it worked out for Sam Malone, didn't it? And quite successfully, I might add.
- Who's Sam Malone? - Fuck off.
Okay, Cisco, let me give you some unsolicited advice.
Okay, this bartending gig is a bad, bad, bad idea.
Anybody else have something before we wrap this shit up? - I'll share.
- Go ahead, Claire.
Have you ever felt so pissed at someone that you forget what it's like not to be pissed anymore? Pretty much everybody I know.
Well, that's how I felt about my mom ever since my dad died.
But I had it all backwards.
Turns out my dad He wasn't really the perfect person I'd built him up to be.
You know when my dad died, [CRYING.]
it was so painful, and I just I couldn't even think about what life would be like without him.
And so I numbed myself with booze and drugs and pretty much anything I could get my hands on.
And it worked for a while.
Then it didn't.
Now I'm sober [SNIFFLES.]
and it's better.
Way better I know that.
But for some reason, I still feel like I haven't moved forward.
It's like I'm standing still, scared to move on, scared to take the next step.
Join the club, kid.
Um, so, I replaced your mangoes, but I'm not Oh, is that, uh that's your dad's stuff? Yeah.
Anything good in there? Zeppelin.
Oh, shit.
Houses of the Holy.
- Right on.
- Want it? No, I can't take that.
No, you should have it.
Isn't that weird? Me taking your dead dad's vinyl? Only when you refer to it as "my dead dad's vinyl.
" What's that? This is a snow globe.
You can't have it.
No, that On the University of Washington.
Yeah, I got in.
Really? Yeah, I'm officially a Husky.
Yeah, you're carrying a couple extra pounds, but it looks good on you.
I'm gonna go listen to this.
See if the song does remain the same.
Seems so long you've been gone I've been singing such a sad, sad song I'm glad I found you Glad my world's around you Dinah, I've been lonely for you Never knew how I cared for you Glad you're back Take you back in my arms Dinah Flo, love you so Take me down way down slow My Dinah Flo Love you more each day I'll be long, I'll be true But I can't say what Dinah might do I'm glad she's back Take you back in my arms