Love in the Time of Corona (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

1
SADE: Avoid crowded aisles,
stay six feet away from
everyone at all times.
Do not let your mind wander.
Do not touch your face.
Do not forget to wipe your credit
card down with sanitary wipes.
- Got 'em.
- Are you sure you're up for this?
I usually do all the
quarantine shopping.
I know where everything is.
I can get in and out
Just give me the list.
I'll cross everything off.
You're not the only one who
wants to get out of the house.
Okay.
Good luck.
Can I kiss the baby goodbye?
If you don't come back,
I'll tell her how brave her daddy was.
Got this.
Got it.
Shit.
- (SADE LAUGHS)
- Still got it.
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I don't have a good feeling about this.
("SO WOULD I" BY KATELYN TARVER PLAYING)
Moved out to LA,
got a two-bedroom place ♪
What do you think?
I love it.
Great, 'cause I made it for you.
Aw, what would I do without you?
Probably spray your nasty oral droplets
all over vulnerable people.
(CHUCKLES)
- That's very true.
- Hmm.
Beautiful mask for a beautiful girl.
And I've never said it
but I knew you were right ♪
I'd be somebody I'm not ♪
- Foot rub?
- Yes, please.
(LAUGHS)
Uh, what, w-what is happening
with the hairiness on the leg?
Oh, it's called "feminism."
You might wanna look it up.
- Fema-what?
- Femi-nism.
Oh, okay.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh my God.
Hot shower guy.
(SHOWER RUNNING)
(SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Ah, la, la ♪
Ah, la, la ♪
Ah, la, la ♪
(MUSIC ENDS)
- That was a short one.
- They're all too short.
Unfortunately, for me,
I think he's straight.
But that is great for you.
He is not my type.
I doubt he's ever read a
book in his entire life.
Okay, I'm officially bored.
What do you want to do?
I don't know.
What do you wanna do?
What do you wanna do?
BOTH TOGETHER: What do you wanna do?
Ooo-wee ♪
-
- Energy has got me flowing ♪
Freely ♪
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Climb Your Partner Challenge, take one.
-
- (BOTH LAUGH)
I've been flying, yeah ♪
And I'm only goin' up from here ♪
Lah-di-dah-di lah-di-dah-di-dah-di ♪
Lah-di-dah-di lah-di-dah-di ♪
Lah-di-dah-di lah-di-dah-di-dah-di ♪
And I'm only goin' up from here ♪
(LAUGHING)
(SNAPS FINGERS)
JORDAN: (ON LAPTOP)
Online college blows.
I can't believe we're missing
the end of our freshman years.
Yeah, but have you seen the projections?
They're saying, like,
200,000 people could die!
But, like, mostly old people, right?
Why can't everyone over
the age of 65 stay at home
so the rest of us can go out and,
like, stimulate the economy?
Not everything's about money, Jordan.
This thing is disproportionately
affecting
black and brown and poor communities.
You need to check your white privilege!
For your information,
I watched "The Help" last night.
Jordan! That movie is so problematic!
Are you joking?
Why? It made me cry.
Okay, where should I start?
Um, it was written and
directed by a white man,
and it totally promotes
the white savior trope.
How is it that you go to
Berkeley and you don't get this?
You know, I really don't need
a lecture right now.
I'm totally over this.
The problem with Americans
is that they're selfish,
and they're not willing to
make the smallest sacrifices
to keep other people safe.
So are you gonna get tested?
No way. That swab they stick
up your nose really hurts.
Oh! So, I have to make sacrifices,
but you don't?
I'm not leaving my bubble, you are.
Mm. Okay. All right.
Hey.
That's a good look.
Oh, yeah, it's my video call apparel.
Business up top, party on the bottom.
You seem busier than ever.
Ah, it takes a global
pandemic for people to realize
they need life insurance.
Seriously? (CHUCKLES)
You're supposed to wash
and sanitize every hour.
Your hands, not your ear.
What if I touch my ear with my hand
and then I touch my face?
Hey, I've been meaning to tell you
Jordan's gonna come
and quarantine with us.
Jordan? Sophie's boyfriend?
- He's moving in with us?
- It was either that,
or she was threatening to go
quarantine with his family.
And I have no say in this?
We have no say in this.
That's 'cause you
cater to her every need.
I do not.
How many parents put up
a "Welcome Home to our Quaranteen"
banner for their kids?
I was just trying to soften the blow.
You know how intense
our daughter can be.
How long is that gonna stay up, anyway?
(SCOFFS) Feel free to take it down.
And while you're at it,
why don't you do some dishes
or, I don't know, cook a meal or two,
'cause I've been cooking and cleaning up
after you guys for weeks,
and I'm tired of it.
I just wish you had said no to her.
Why don't you say no to her, Paul?
Watch her head explode?
- Oh, I will.
- Good.
Hey, um, Jordan's
getting tested tomorrow
so he can move in this weekend.
I love you, Dad!
I made you sourdough, sweetheart.
Smells good, thanks.
I'm gonna go text Jordan
to remind him to bring his swimsuit.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Way to say no, Dad.
Oh, what was I supposed to do?
You already said yes.
Maybe we should just tell her.
That we don't like Jordan?
That we're separated and
you don't live here anymore.
I thought you said you didn't
want to see her head explode.
Maybe she's not as dramatic as
we're giving her credit for.
SOPHIE: (CRYING) Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
What's wrong?
Jordan just broke up with me!
In a text!
He did?
I mean, oh no.
What did he say, sweetheart?
He said I'm too intense!
Can you believe that?
BOTH TOGETHER: No!
How can he do this to me?
We're in the middle of a pandemic!
The world could be ending!
- My life is over!
- Oh, sweet
Dad!
He's an asshole.
There, there.
- (SOPHIE CONTINUES CRYING)
- PAUL: I'm sorry.
(PHONE BUZZES)
(MOUTHING): What are you doing?
(MOUTHING)
Okay, so remember the guy
I was virtually dating?
Uh Chris?
- No.
- Jeremy?
No. Niles.
Mmm, you haven't told me about him.
Okay, well, anyways,
he wants me to move in with him
and quarantine together.
That is crazy! You don't even know him.
Just promise me you won't
even think about that.
Ugh, okay, you're right.
Little Charli just put
my face in her hands
and said "Dada,
I'm so happy you're home."
Aww, that makes two of us.
ADEAH: (ON COMPUTER) Hi, James!
- Hey, hey.
- ADEAH: Hey, guys,
by any chance, are y'all pregnant?
JAMES AND SADE: No.
No.
You got peach yogurt.
Charli won't each peach.
She's three.
She'll eat whatever we give her.
Okay, you get her to try it.
All right, I will.
- JAMES: Got the thing?
- The spoon? Here.
Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
Good luck.
Okay, girl, are you sure
you're not pregnant?
Because I had a dream that you were,
and I have the sixth sense, you know.
Remember that one time I dreamt
that Erica and Bow Wow
were gonna get divorced?
Yeah, you didn't need cosmic
powers to see that one coming.
No, we're not even thinking about a baby
for another two years at least.
(CHARLI WAILING)
CHARLI: No! No peaches, Dada, no!
Uh
CHARLI: Daddy, no!
Sounds like a fail for James.
What's that child have against peaches?
That's what I wanna know.
What did peaches ever do to her?
ADEAH: Okay, I'm gonna leave
you two lovebirds alone.
Call me later, girl.
Bye.
Hey, is this everything?
Where are the apples?
And the string cheese? And toothpaste?
- Weren't on the list.
- Yes, they were.
No, they were not.
I crossed everything off.
I take it from the shelf,
put it in the cart,
put a line through it.
From the shelf to
You didn't tell me there
was stuff on the back.
I didn't know there
was stuff on the back!
SADE: It's okay.
I'll just order it tonight.
You know
what if we did talk about
having another baby?
I have been kicked
peed on,
smeared in peanut butter,
called Poop Butt Mama
about 20 times a day,
and it's only 10:30 in the morning.
But you are the cutest Poop Butt Mama
I've ever seen in my whole life.
James, she's finally sleeping
through the night again in her own bed,
and she's not in diapers anymore.
You really wanna go back
to that baby phase again?
Maybe.
I spent three years with Charli at home
while you built your career,
and I was fine with that.
Just feels like it's my turn.
No, you're right.
I was just thinking out loud.
If we are in this
quarantine thing for a year
before things are back
up and running again,
I was just, you know, I'm home.
Just thinking it would
make sense that we
you know, maybe worked
on another little love child.
But you're right. It's, it's your time.
I feel it too. It's all good.
So, you don't have
to worry about that now.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
OSCAR: What if this
is the end of the world
and we both die alone?
We won't, we'll die together.
Mmm.
Yeah, but my therapist was saying
a lot of normal people have been joining
the dating apps
'cause they have
all this time to reflect
and they realize
the one thing missing in their lives
is true love.
You know who else has a lot of time
to go on the dating apps?
Psychopaths.
True. But I was thinking,
since we pick such horrible
people for ourselves
maybe we could pick for each other.
- Mmm.
- Please!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
You know me better
than literally anybody.
Fine. Okay.
- Well, give me yours.
- Okay
I'm going to find you
the love of your life.
(CHUCKLES)
Um your profile says
you're seeking men and women?
- Is that a mistake?
- No.
I don't know.
I just Lately I've been feeling
like my sexuality is evolving.
Like
kinda been interested in
having sex with women.
Um like,
like, anybody that we know?
Mm.
Ooh, kinda like Daenerys
before she burns down King's Landing.
She was really freaking
hot up until the end.
(GIGGLING)
I don't know. I'm
having all these dreams
where I'm having sex with women.
Just seems so
- silky and nice.
- (CHUCKLES)
Like a perfume ad.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, just pick a guy for me for now.
Okaaay!
(CHUCKLES)
SEAN: (ON LAPTOP) So
when did you move to LA?
A couple years ago.
Moved here for work.
I'm a fashion stylist for photo shoots
and then commercials.
- Fashion.
- Whole bunch of stuff.
Fashion is not my forte.
Um, I'm presently wearing cargo shorts.
- Wow.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
Um
So what do you Wha wha
What, um, what do you do?
- Sorry.
- What do you do?
Oh, I work for The Trevor Project.
Get out. I, uh
Actually, sometimes I volunteer
at the LGBTQ Center.
Well, look at us, being good people.
Can I redact the thing that I
said about the cargo shorts?
'Cause now I really want you to like me.
Mm kind of unforgivable.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
DYLAN: (ON LAPTOP) Yeah,
so I grew up in Colorado.
Man, yeah, I miss the hiking.
It doesn't help
that all the trails and parks
are closed down here now.
Yeah. My roommate Oscar
and I used to hike Fryman,
like, every Saturday.
DYLAN: No way! I love Fryman.
And then we always
do bottomless at Firefly.
Yeah. Yeah, that's our spot too.
I love their, um (SNAPS FINGERS)
buckwheat and cactus flour pancakes.
Oh. Have you tried the
jackfruit huevos rancheros?
I have not. (LAUGHS)
SEAN: I feel like
I spend a lot of my time
just staring at the refrigerator
trying to figure out
if I'm hungry or anxious.
Hungxious! Yes, totally.
- Yes.
- Yeah, I mean, this is, this is insane.
Like, I don't even know
what day of the week it is.
Well, I do. It's your lucky day,
because you can't spell virus
without U and I.
I'm sorry, I had to. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah. Queerentine pick-up lines are
- the worst.
- The worst.
Yeah. They're gross.
"If COVID-19 doesn't take you out,
can I?"
"Hey, can I come over?
We could use Purell as lube."
"I like my virus like I like
my men, easy to spread."
Okay, that one's kind of impressive.
- Like, it's better.
- (LAUGHING)
So glad that we found each other.
Um, but that said, are you an N95?
'Cause I really want you on my face.
So, uh, what have you
been watching these days?
We just watched "Love Actually."
It's our favorite movie.
What about you?
Uh, actually I just watched
"Justice League" again.
Isn't that the one where
you inexplicably see
up Wonder Woman's skirt
or something like that?
Yeah. Oh, it's pretty epic.
Hey, You know what? We should watch
"Batman V. Superman" on our next date.
It's like a cinematic masterpiece.
Seriously.
And then we can make our way
through the entire DC Universe!
MAN: (ON TV) evidence that
our collective sacrifice is working
this time, as Dr. Fauci said
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Now is the time not to let up.
We gotta keep washing our hands
Hello!
JAMES: (ON PHONE) Hey,
Ma, how you doing?
I'm doing just fine, sweetie.
How's my grand-baby?
JAMES: She is the most adorable
holy terror I've ever known.
At first I was like, are you crazy?
You want to have a baby right now?
- NANDA: (ON PHONE) How's Sade?
- She's good, Mom.
But then I started thinking.
What if this quarantine
lasts for a whole year?
- Oh God.
- SADE: I mean, I could
get pregnant, then have the baby.
Do the whole postpartum thing,
and then get my body back in time
for when everything
starts back up again.
You know, now that you're
not off producing movies,
might be a good time to think
about having another baby.
No, this is Sade's year
to focus on her career.
- Time's not right.
- Is James onboard?
- It was his idea.
- JAMES: Yeah, I don't know
if we even have the mental head
space to have another baby.
What are we doing with this
time on our hands, anyway?
It just (SIGHS)
feels like it's wasted.
Yeah, see, I'm all for this.
Okay, look, no one wants to be
sitting at home doing nothing,
especially during this
government-mandated
celibacy for us single folks.
- Which is why I moved in with Niles.
- What?
You better not have mumbled
what I think you just did.
What about Dedrick?
Have you heard from him?
Not since before the quarantine.
- How 'bout you?
- No, but you know,
he was socially distancing from
this family for a while now.
Just promise me you'll let
me know if you hear from him.
I don't want him taking advantage
of you and Daddy at this time.
I moved in with Niles, okay.
Don't blame me.
Blame my libido.
Which, I mean, is thanking me
because the sex is amazing!
Ooh, say less.
Girl, I'm about to be saying
very few words,
because it's sex o'clock,
so I need to go get another round in.
- Okay.
- I'll see you later.
- Have fun.
- (ADEAH CHUCKLES)
- ADEAH: Bye, girl.
- Bye.
And also promise me
you're gonna take this really seriously
- and stay in the house
- NANDA: Don't worry.
Thanks for calling. I love you!
I love you too.
(SIGHS)
Okay
- let's do this!
- Let's do what?
Let's make a baby.
- Hey, I thought you said
- Hmm?
When did you change your mind? Mmm.
- Where's Charli?
- She's napping.
- Just take a shower real quick
- No, no,
she's gonna be up in 20 minutes.
- Twenty minutes, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
We can do it twice in 20 minutes.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(KISSING)
SEAN: (ON LAPTOP) I don't know,
my, my early 20s
I feel like were probably when
I was just I was exploring.
I was definitely exploring. Um
I used to be into the
whole random hook-up thing.
When you were in New York,
did you ever go to those parties
in that big loft on 13th Street?
You know the one. It was like
Well, they didn't call it the
meat-packing district for nothin'.
So Batman is totally kicking Supe's ass.
But then Clark says his adopted
mom's name, which is Martha.
But that's Bruce's mom's name too! Phoo!
It's insane. Okay, so Bruce stops
Hello.
Are you still there?
I think you're frozen.
Elle?
Hello? Elle?
You just blinked!
Wait, are you pretending
to freeze right now?
Oh, what? No!
Oh my God!
- DYLAN: Okay.
- Well, I don't think it would work.
- So
- DYLAN: Uh,
so, do you want to take
a quiz and find out
- which superhero you are?
- Oh, actually, I, I probably should go.
Okay.
Well, can I at least see
your boobs first?
What?
No. Ew. Oh my God!
What?
Are you seriously talking
about all your random hook-ups
20 minutes into our first date?
Well, they weren't random?
They were very intentional.
- Oh.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Oh no, it was a
I'm sorry, are you texting
your friend about
what a massive loser you think I am?
No.
Okay, maybe.
Okay, well, just be sure to tell her
that you're slut-shaming me.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Hi, Nanda.
Hi. Maggie, how are you?
We're good.
Let me get him set up.
NANDA: Thank you.
Oh, there's my handsome man.
Oh, look at you.
You better tell those nurses
you are a happily married man.
Well, I do, but they keep
throwing themselves at me.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Uh, so, uh
what's for dinner tonight, huh?
Lasagna with spinach and sausage.
- The one you like.
- Oh, that sounds so good.
- Mm, mm.
- What are you having?
Uh, the the what?
W-what is this?
MAGGIE: Turkey meatloaf.
- Mystery meatloaf.
- Oh, stop it.
You said you like the food there.
Oh, not as much as yours. Mmm.
Good answer.
You know, I,
I sent out the last of the invites
to our anniversary party today.
Oh, that's good.
So, uh what about
this virus business?
Well, you know, they're saying
we're gonna be out of this quarantine
in time to get you better and home
- before May 10th.
- Oh good.
I just wish I could come to
visit you in the meantime.
Me too, my love. But
- Better safe than sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, I talked to James today.
He said he left you a message.
Who?
James.
Hmm.
Our son.
Oh. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, James, yeah.
Um
I've got a lot of work to do in
the yard before the party.
CHARLES: Oh.
You got the invitations out yet?
Yeah.
CHARLES: That's good.
I wish I was there to help.
Well, your only job
is to get better.
Well
I'm doing my best.
I know you are.
(CHUCKLES)
- Cheers.
- That's the way to do it.
I've got my water.
Oh, cheers to you, my dear.
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
- Hey.
- Hey.
You think Sophie's okay?
She spent most of the day
in her room again today.
Yeah.
She'll be okay. She's
just brokenhearted.
I could kill that
asshole for hurting her.
Though I got to say, not unhappy
he's not quarantining with us.
Me neither.
You think she's gonna find out
I'm sleeping in the guest room?
No.
No, we're always up way before she is.
How do you feel about telling her?
Oh! I don't know. I think that
she's devastated with
her own break-up now,
I don't know that she
can cope with ours.
Yeah.
And I'm not sure that
I can cope with the drama.
Agreed.
Okay. Goodnight.
Goodnight.
I don't wanna sleep alone.
Can I sleep with you guys?
Yeah, of course.
Scoot over.
No, no, scoot over.
I'm not gonna sleep between you guys.
Scoot.
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ON TV)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Hello!
- MAN: Hey, Mama.
It's Dedrick.
- Dedrick!
- How are you?
Uh, uh, I'm fine, baby.
Uh, how, how are you?
I'm okay.
Well, uh sorta.
I got laid off 'cause of the shutdown.
And, uh I don't have my rent.
And I was wondering
if I could stay in the back guest house
until I can figure out work
and get back on my feet again?
I promise I will keep my distance.
I don't want to risk getting you sick.
Oh. Of-of course you can stay
as long as you need to.
Don't even worry about it.
DEDRICK: Thanks, Mama. I love you.
I love you too.
(VOCALIZING)
That might feel ♪
Ooh ♪
What are you waiting for? ♪
Ooh ♪
What are you waiting for? ♪
(SIGHS)
(DOOR OPENS)
- (SIGHS)
- (DOOR CLOSES)
I, I love you.
I love you too.
Oh! Sean is amazing!
I thought it wasn't going that great.
Well, it started out great,
and then things got weird
'cause he started telling me
about all these guys he
used to hook up with.
But then he called me
out for slut-shaming him,
and things took a turn.
And he's just he's
so funny and honest.
He has a pet cat named Whiskers!
He, he sounds amazing.
And you found him for me!
(SIGHS)
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
Hey, do you, um,
do you want some popcorn?
Uh
Sure, yeah.