Mad (2010) s01e10 Episode Script
Class of the Titans; Zeke and Lex Luthor
We interrrupt this program with some breaking news.
A man discovers he's been framed.
It was you! You hung this painting crooked.
I did not.
He did.
Actually, you're right.
It was me.
And that's exactly why I hate art.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
[Laughter.]
Hey, yabba, boy, yamma Mad! Hey, yabba, boy, yamma hey, yabba, boy, yamma Mad! It was a time of war, gods with big beards fighting mortals with smaller beards, and in the middle, a guy with no beard who would save them all, and that Is what's on the side of my lunchbox.
Awesome, man.
I have just marmapuke.
Woof.
You're cool for a transfer student.
What's your name? - Curseus.
- Why'd they name you that? [Honk.]
If I know, but I'm half-God, half-mortal, so somebody must have [Honk.]
Up.
[Rock music playing.]
- You're half-God, and you wanna go to our mortal school? Why? [Echoes.]
To show the gods they can be beaten! [Normal.]
Plus my old school doesn't have a pool.
Yeah, but I blame our head cheerleader.
Well, bring the ball home or turn to stone What did she say? [Hisses.]
Sounds like she needs to be taken care of.
- I'm on it.
- I meant a makeover.
Oh, right.
Right.
Of course.
Yeah.
That's what I meant.
I'll, uh I'll go do that.
What do you want, dad? How did you know it was me? No one else has a foot the size of a Pontiac.
I I just wanted to say good luck at school.
I I hope you win the big game on Saturday.
I don't need your help, dad.
You're the enemy.
I know, I know, but I I brought you a few things anyway.
Here's a magic helmet, magic sword, magic marker, magic Johnson, and I packed you a magic lunch.
What makes it magic? I added a cookie.
[Gasps.]
[Honk.]
, yeah.
Ok, keep your eyes closed.
[Hiss.]
Ahh! Maybe you better keep 'em closed.
Ehh.
You gave it a shot.
Actually, she was our ride back to campus.
[Honk.]
.
Get your moussaka, tzatziki! Who wants babohoohas?! I'm really just makin' up words now.
Big day at the coliseum, sports fans.
Can the mortals end the gods' winning streak? Well, this crowd seems to think so.
Whoo-hoo! Immortals! He said, "mortals," not immortals.
Shut up.
You shut up.
Word has it they have a new quarterback named curseus, but is he good enough to go against the Kraken? Dude, turn around.
Your butt is on the Kraken cam.
Really? And put a shirt on, for cryin' out loud.
Ok, Draco, you go left and make a quick right.
Stan, you go up the middle, and the rest of you follow.
That should get us to the stadium.
Looks like the gods are taking the field.
And here come the mortals.
[Groans.]
And just in time, too, because there's the kickoff.
Uhh! Uhh! - Uhh! - Uhh! [Roaring.]
Release it, Kraken! Uhh! Look out, ladies.
Here comes hades.
I think it's time for plan "b.
" Run for the hills and change our names? Maybe it was plan "c.
" V, XI, XXI, IIV, hike! [Roaring.]
[Hisses.]
Uh-oh.
The mortals have done it! They've beaten the gods! In your face! Uh, yeah, I can still feel that.
Finally we bring home the winning ball.
[Hisses.]
Ah, [Honk.]
.
[Grunting.]
Hey, I think you forgot something! [Indistinct chatter.]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Oh! Hang on.
I got another call comin' in.
Hello.
[Garbed chatter.]
Can you speak up? It's all styrofoamy on my end.
Mad.
From the people who think kids will buy anything with a movie tie-in comes Cloudy with a chance of flavor, the cereal with flint on it.
Just open a box, and you'll fill your bowl with anything they could find laying around, including raisins, corn, stickers, socks, gluten-free pasta, cat-claw clippings, even this picture frame.
Forget hoping for a prize.
You'll be hoping for a chance of flavor with cloudy with a chance of flavor.
All of the images.
None of the flavor.
Sold alongside rice Shreks and carshmellows.
[Gong.]
[Gasps.]
Try explaining that.
Dude, did you crack the liberty bell? Uh, eh, uh Yes.
And now it's time for ask the celebrity.
Dear Jonas Brothers, how do you guys stay so close? Well, we rehearse together We go on vacations together And we're a giant 3-headed monster.
Dear Megan Fox, if you weren't an actress, what would you be? I guess I'd be a dentist, since I can always get the boys to say ahh.
- Ahh! - Ahh! Dear Jake Gyllenhaal, how do you spell your last name? G-y-l-e No.
Wait.
Uh, g-y-l-l No, hang on.
G jille gille Is it is it gyl aah! [Roars.]
First came black and white.
Then came color, then colorization.
Now "Mad" presents madinization, a revolutionary way to make movies less boring.
Think "gone with the wind" is long-winded? So did we until we enhanced it.
Oh, Rhett, what shall I do? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a [Fart.]
.
Feel "Julie and Julia" could use some spice? Look what we added.
[Roars.]
And who can take those British accents? My chills make me cry when [explosions and zapping drown out singing.]
[Baa.]
Aah! Boring movies won't know what hit them with madinization.
I'm sorry.
It's just I need a real man.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
[Crowd cheering.]
[Whistle blows.]
Wow.
This is the greatest moment of my life.
It sure is.
Who are you? I'm you from the future, where time travel is now a reality.
I just came back to relive this, the greatest moment of our life.
You mean, it really doesn't get any better than this? Well, something better could happen in our later years.
Don't count on it.
Everyone has their favorite girl pout cookies, but here are a few rejected ones that won't be getting a badge Lig-a-mints [Girl sobs.]
Eagle pies [Bird chirps.]
Do-si-toes, and gag-alongs.
[Flies buzzing.]
[Gags.]
Check it out.
My new laptop is totally waterproof.
Really? Let me see.
I didn't say it could float.
[Growls.]
[Giggles.]
[Piano playing.]
[Dance music playing.]
Stan, I'm just sayin' I think the man bugs should be called manbugs.
It would sure cut down on the bathroom lines.
You said it.
Since before time began, an enemy has threatened the existence of our worlds.
It is deceptive.
It is all-consuming.
It is Fat.
But faith has yielded its reward, the new transformin' grill.
I am Optimus Prime.
The transformin' grill allows you to enjoy your favorite foods without all that deadly fat.
Try it with meat, poultry, rubber, steel.
It'll even work on the finest cuts of Optimus Prime rib.
You will be amazed.
The transformin' grill helped me lose 9 tons in 2 weeks.
I lowered my cholesterol to 150.
I'm off dairy.
So come on, humans.
What are you waiting for? The transformin' grill, it's lean, and it's mean.
You will die, earthling, unless you change your eating habits.
Mad.
[Whimpers.]
They will always remember the mark of Orland Or or orlan Orlan ah, forget it.
I shall be Zorro.
Skateboarding is my life, which is why I'm stoked for the skate team championship.
Whaa ulh! But if I'm gonna win, I'll need the help of my best bro, Luther.
What up, dork munch? Lex Luthor? But where's my Luther? Well, he, uh, had a dentist appointment.
[Muffled yells.]
Looks like it's me and you, bro.
[Theme music plays.]
Why do you wanna compete in a skate championship? I heard the grand prize is $500.
[Cash register rings.]
But you're a billionaire.
Ehh.
You can never have too much.
Do you even know how to skate? How hard could it be? Ulp! I'm gonna just lie here for a few minutes.
Now, remember what I taught you and try a kickflip.
Uhh! Admit it.
I'm getting better.
If you don't let me skate with you, you'll never see your friend Luther again.
I thought you said he was at the dentist.
I lied, ok? Supervillain.
That's what we do.
Now stop being a poser, and let's win this.
Whoa! Zeke is really ripping it up out there, and Lex Luthor is, well, also out there.
The judges give them 6.
I mean 9.
5? How did we I brought my own cheering squad.
- Aah! - Let me go! Zeke and Lex Luthor are in the lead with only one team to go, Ryan Sheckler and Superman? What up, Luth? Wow.
Sheckler and Superman are dominating the course.
Now that's what I call major airage.
But that's not fair! He can fly! Uh, look, everyone.
That boy needs help.
[Muffled cries.]
Hey, where did See you later, losers! Uhh! Oh, yeah.
That's gonna hurt in the morning.
A man discovers he's been framed.
It was you! You hung this painting crooked.
I did not.
He did.
Actually, you're right.
It was me.
And that's exactly why I hate art.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
[Laughter.]
Hey, yabba, boy, yamma Mad! Hey, yabba, boy, yamma hey, yabba, boy, yamma Mad! It was a time of war, gods with big beards fighting mortals with smaller beards, and in the middle, a guy with no beard who would save them all, and that Is what's on the side of my lunchbox.
Awesome, man.
I have just marmapuke.
Woof.
You're cool for a transfer student.
What's your name? - Curseus.
- Why'd they name you that? [Honk.]
If I know, but I'm half-God, half-mortal, so somebody must have [Honk.]
Up.
[Rock music playing.]
- You're half-God, and you wanna go to our mortal school? Why? [Echoes.]
To show the gods they can be beaten! [Normal.]
Plus my old school doesn't have a pool.
Yeah, but I blame our head cheerleader.
Well, bring the ball home or turn to stone What did she say? [Hisses.]
Sounds like she needs to be taken care of.
- I'm on it.
- I meant a makeover.
Oh, right.
Right.
Of course.
Yeah.
That's what I meant.
I'll, uh I'll go do that.
What do you want, dad? How did you know it was me? No one else has a foot the size of a Pontiac.
I I just wanted to say good luck at school.
I I hope you win the big game on Saturday.
I don't need your help, dad.
You're the enemy.
I know, I know, but I I brought you a few things anyway.
Here's a magic helmet, magic sword, magic marker, magic Johnson, and I packed you a magic lunch.
What makes it magic? I added a cookie.
[Gasps.]
[Honk.]
, yeah.
Ok, keep your eyes closed.
[Hiss.]
Ahh! Maybe you better keep 'em closed.
Ehh.
You gave it a shot.
Actually, she was our ride back to campus.
[Honk.]
.
Get your moussaka, tzatziki! Who wants babohoohas?! I'm really just makin' up words now.
Big day at the coliseum, sports fans.
Can the mortals end the gods' winning streak? Well, this crowd seems to think so.
Whoo-hoo! Immortals! He said, "mortals," not immortals.
Shut up.
You shut up.
Word has it they have a new quarterback named curseus, but is he good enough to go against the Kraken? Dude, turn around.
Your butt is on the Kraken cam.
Really? And put a shirt on, for cryin' out loud.
Ok, Draco, you go left and make a quick right.
Stan, you go up the middle, and the rest of you follow.
That should get us to the stadium.
Looks like the gods are taking the field.
And here come the mortals.
[Groans.]
And just in time, too, because there's the kickoff.
Uhh! Uhh! - Uhh! - Uhh! [Roaring.]
Release it, Kraken! Uhh! Look out, ladies.
Here comes hades.
I think it's time for plan "b.
" Run for the hills and change our names? Maybe it was plan "c.
" V, XI, XXI, IIV, hike! [Roaring.]
[Hisses.]
Uh-oh.
The mortals have done it! They've beaten the gods! In your face! Uh, yeah, I can still feel that.
Finally we bring home the winning ball.
[Hisses.]
Ah, [Honk.]
.
[Grunting.]
Hey, I think you forgot something! [Indistinct chatter.]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Oh! Hang on.
I got another call comin' in.
Hello.
[Garbed chatter.]
Can you speak up? It's all styrofoamy on my end.
Mad.
From the people who think kids will buy anything with a movie tie-in comes Cloudy with a chance of flavor, the cereal with flint on it.
Just open a box, and you'll fill your bowl with anything they could find laying around, including raisins, corn, stickers, socks, gluten-free pasta, cat-claw clippings, even this picture frame.
Forget hoping for a prize.
You'll be hoping for a chance of flavor with cloudy with a chance of flavor.
All of the images.
None of the flavor.
Sold alongside rice Shreks and carshmellows.
[Gong.]
[Gasps.]
Try explaining that.
Dude, did you crack the liberty bell? Uh, eh, uh Yes.
And now it's time for ask the celebrity.
Dear Jonas Brothers, how do you guys stay so close? Well, we rehearse together We go on vacations together And we're a giant 3-headed monster.
Dear Megan Fox, if you weren't an actress, what would you be? I guess I'd be a dentist, since I can always get the boys to say ahh.
- Ahh! - Ahh! Dear Jake Gyllenhaal, how do you spell your last name? G-y-l-e No.
Wait.
Uh, g-y-l-l No, hang on.
G jille gille Is it is it gyl aah! [Roars.]
First came black and white.
Then came color, then colorization.
Now "Mad" presents madinization, a revolutionary way to make movies less boring.
Think "gone with the wind" is long-winded? So did we until we enhanced it.
Oh, Rhett, what shall I do? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a [Fart.]
.
Feel "Julie and Julia" could use some spice? Look what we added.
[Roars.]
And who can take those British accents? My chills make me cry when [explosions and zapping drown out singing.]
[Baa.]
Aah! Boring movies won't know what hit them with madinization.
I'm sorry.
It's just I need a real man.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
[Crowd cheering.]
[Whistle blows.]
Wow.
This is the greatest moment of my life.
It sure is.
Who are you? I'm you from the future, where time travel is now a reality.
I just came back to relive this, the greatest moment of our life.
You mean, it really doesn't get any better than this? Well, something better could happen in our later years.
Don't count on it.
Everyone has their favorite girl pout cookies, but here are a few rejected ones that won't be getting a badge Lig-a-mints [Girl sobs.]
Eagle pies [Bird chirps.]
Do-si-toes, and gag-alongs.
[Flies buzzing.]
[Gags.]
Check it out.
My new laptop is totally waterproof.
Really? Let me see.
I didn't say it could float.
[Growls.]
[Giggles.]
[Piano playing.]
[Dance music playing.]
Stan, I'm just sayin' I think the man bugs should be called manbugs.
It would sure cut down on the bathroom lines.
You said it.
Since before time began, an enemy has threatened the existence of our worlds.
It is deceptive.
It is all-consuming.
It is Fat.
But faith has yielded its reward, the new transformin' grill.
I am Optimus Prime.
The transformin' grill allows you to enjoy your favorite foods without all that deadly fat.
Try it with meat, poultry, rubber, steel.
It'll even work on the finest cuts of Optimus Prime rib.
You will be amazed.
The transformin' grill helped me lose 9 tons in 2 weeks.
I lowered my cholesterol to 150.
I'm off dairy.
So come on, humans.
What are you waiting for? The transformin' grill, it's lean, and it's mean.
You will die, earthling, unless you change your eating habits.
Mad.
[Whimpers.]
They will always remember the mark of Orland Or or orlan Orlan ah, forget it.
I shall be Zorro.
Skateboarding is my life, which is why I'm stoked for the skate team championship.
Whaa ulh! But if I'm gonna win, I'll need the help of my best bro, Luther.
What up, dork munch? Lex Luthor? But where's my Luther? Well, he, uh, had a dentist appointment.
[Muffled yells.]
Looks like it's me and you, bro.
[Theme music plays.]
Why do you wanna compete in a skate championship? I heard the grand prize is $500.
[Cash register rings.]
But you're a billionaire.
Ehh.
You can never have too much.
Do you even know how to skate? How hard could it be? Ulp! I'm gonna just lie here for a few minutes.
Now, remember what I taught you and try a kickflip.
Uhh! Admit it.
I'm getting better.
If you don't let me skate with you, you'll never see your friend Luther again.
I thought you said he was at the dentist.
I lied, ok? Supervillain.
That's what we do.
Now stop being a poser, and let's win this.
Whoa! Zeke is really ripping it up out there, and Lex Luthor is, well, also out there.
The judges give them 6.
I mean 9.
5? How did we I brought my own cheering squad.
- Aah! - Let me go! Zeke and Lex Luthor are in the lead with only one team to go, Ryan Sheckler and Superman? What up, Luth? Wow.
Sheckler and Superman are dominating the course.
Now that's what I call major airage.
But that's not fair! He can fly! Uh, look, everyone.
That boy needs help.
[Muffled cries.]
Hey, where did See you later, losers! Uhh! Oh, yeah.
That's gonna hurt in the morning.