Mad (2010) s01e11 Episode Script

S'up, Mouse M.D.

With some breaking news.
Canine research continues.
4 out of 5 doctors agree Chihuahuas really, really annoying.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
We did it, Ellie.
We're finally free of all those idiots.
Sup? Yo, you got a situation here.
And here.
We saw balloons and thought it was a party.
Now, we're really high.
Balloons! What, what, what's that I assure you, there is no party here.
Now get out.
Too late, yo.
But if this isn't a house party, let's take this house to the party.
What are you doing? We're taking this baby to South Beach.
Mike, take me home.
I feel air sick.
Yo, I'm not ready to leave yet.
I said take me home! Sure, I messed up, but that's how flying houses go.
People go a little nuts sometimes.
Why are you talking so close to me? I miss the cameras! This place stinks.
He doesn't even have any pickles.
Yo, pass me a haterade.
He doesn't have any.
All he has are hater-tots.
Ugh.
I hate this refrigehater.
Hey, has anyone seen Pauly D? Yo, who needs a tanning bed when you're this close to the sun? Mmm.
Smells like sausages.
You kids had better not Oh, no.
Oh, Ellie.
What have they done? They've turned our house into an Italian-American meat factory.
Look, everyone! A hot tub! No, wait! We're 30,000 feet in the air.
Ha! All I see are 2 feet in the air.
Yo, fool.
She can't swim! And you can't slide, poser! Sup! You ready to go home now? Shut up! Man, that is one stupid situation.
Yo, your phone is ringing.
I'll get it.
This house is atrot-ious! Ellie, we're in luck.
These kids are dropping like flies.
What are you doing? - Blow-drying my hair.
Plus, I like to yell when I get ready.
We're coming up on South Beach.
Maybe you should throw your chains overboard to act as an anchor.
Whatever you say.
I didn't mean with you in 'em! This is way better than blow-drying my hair.
We did it, Ellie.
It's back to you and me.
Hey, Carl, want to make out? We're about the same size.
Uhh Have you tried the jacuzzi yet? Oh, you're going to have to be smarter than that to get rid of me.
Aah! Maybe Florida isn't such a bad idea after all.
'Sup, folks? Let's party.
Ugh! Bad idea number 771 Unicorn on the cob.
Mad! For years, they walked the earth with only one thing on their minds.
Blood for dinner again? Luckily, there's new vampire helper, the new flavor mix that turns any dinner into a winner.
Vampire helper turns your plain panicked victim into a savory, tangy, cheddar cheese and macaroni supper your family will love.
I sound delicious! Oh, no, you don't.
That neck is mine.
No, seriously.
Vampire helper! Now in new sesame chicken.
Uh-oh! Ok.
I've got the loafers you wanted in a size 3.
Excellent.
And I found another pair I thought you might like.
What type of shoes are those? They're alli uh crocodile.
They're they're croc crocodile! Yeah.
Crocodile.
And now, it's time for "where is Kristen Stewart wishing she'd rather be?" Kristen Stewart always looks like she'd rather be anywhere but where she is.
Can you guess where she's wishing she was? Is it "a," in a gingerbread house, "b," on the moon, "c," in an aquarium, or "d," in another movie? And the answer is nowhere! Kristen Stewart looks unhappy wherever she goes.
You can relax now, sir.
I'll have your picture ready in 5 minutes.
Thanks a lot.
- Mad! - Mad! - Mad! - Every year - Ooh! Marshmallow chirps! - They return - That's weird.
Just in time For Easter! What? I have to restock the shelves.
"The chirps!" - They're gooey - I can't get them out! They're sticky Easter bunny? And they never, ever go away.
"The chirps!" Bad idea number 267 strobe lighthouse.
Uh-oh.
Looks like rain.
Wah! Watch it, kid! The penguin! Better not let the cops see you with that.
My umbrella? An umbrella can be a dangerous weapon with those pointy ends.
Gee.
I didn't think of that.
Better give it to me so no one mistakes you for a supervillain.
Thanks, Mr.
Penguin.
No problem Jerk.
Wait.
What just happened? Don't play sports but want to seem like you do? Then try Shax body spray.
Shaquille O'Neal? If there's one thing I know how to do, it's sweat.
I also know how to bottle it and how to replace the "q" in my name so it looks like that other body spray.
- Is that legal? - Shax! Just spray it on once in the morning And you'll reek for a week.
They won't just think you've run up and down the courts all day They'll think something crawled up your shorts and died.
You'll be an MPV on the court I pick him.
With that smell, he must be good.
- And off.
- Wow.
Do you work out? - Never.
- Shax! Shax body spray.
- It's gonna knock 'em out.
- Shax! Mad.
Aah.
Thank goodness, a bottle.
At last! Free me from this bottle, and I'll grant your every wish! Wait! What are you doing? What are you doing? Ugh! I wish I hadn't drank that.
You and me both.
I've never seen a case like this before in my life.
Me, either.
I mean, look at it.
It's both stylish and functional.
Hey! So, can you help me or what? No, but we know someone who can.
A mouse doctor? Are you crazy? Shut up and say "ahh.
" Mouse, this patient has been sick for weeks.
Ohh.
Stomach hurt.
How many times has he tossed his cookies? I will count the times.
One! One puke! Two! Two pukes! Ahah, ah! Three! If you don't can it, you'll be counting - the number of stitches I put in your face.
- Ah, yes.
It must be the cookies.
He eats 700 of them a day.
- That's a solid diagnosis.
- Thank you.
If you got your medical degree at the university of I don't know what I'm talking about.
Well, if it isn't Bob the baby.
He smashed his thumb with a hammer.
Can we fix it? Aah! Uh, actually, no.
We're going to have to amputate.
Patient's name is Miley Cyrus, but she insists she's Hannah Montana.
I am Hannah Montana, and everyone loves me! She's clearly delusional.
I'm Hannah, Hannah Montana There's only one way to deal with this pull the plug.
La la la Ohh! Ugh.
I'm going to sue you for mousepractice.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
He's getting worse, and these x-rays are baffling.
I still think it's all the cookies he's eating.
Me like cookies.
He's lying, and I'll prove it by inducing him to vomit.
How will you do that? Mouse, are you crazy? You'll lose your license.
Not before he loses his lunch.
Oh! Me so sick of Spencer Pratt.
One puke! Two pukes! Ah! Ah Three pukes! Just as I suspected broccoli.
You've been eating vegetables, and your body is rejecting them.
Ok, ok.
Me try to eat healthier without anyone knowing.
I mean, me cookie monster, not veggie monster.
Mouse, another impossible case solved.
You're a real miracle worker.
Shh.
No.
I'm just a mouse.