Mad (2010) s01e12 Episode Script

DaGrinchy Code; Duck

We interrupt this program with some breaking news.
A monkey celebrates the holidays.
[Playing "Jingle Bells"] Looks like all this guy wants for Christmas is his 2 front teeth.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Hey, yabba, boy, yamma Mad! T'was the morning of Christmas when the Whos had awakened to find that their stockings and gifts had been taken.
And though you'd think a Who Christmas could survive just on joy - [Grunts] - Turns out, those old Whos really wanted those toys.
But the town came together.
They stood shoe to shoe.
No one needed to speak, 'cause they already knew that the way to save Christmas, or so it was told, was simply to solve the Da Grinchy Code Which was lucky for them, 'cause of the air came a man who looked just like Tom Hanks with bad hair.
And he brought along friends like Nicolas Cage - and old Dr.
Jones, who was also his age.
- Ohh! The town pointed with pride.
Their hearts started to swell.
- I know.
- Said Nic Cage.
I have bad hair as well.
- His friend interrupted - We're looking for clues, and this Dr.
Seuss book is the thing that we'll use.
If I stare at this page for a small length of time, I'm pretty darn sure of what we will find.
- The culprit? - The thief who pulled off this heist? No, the fact that these books are way overpriced.
The Whos question his answer, but had no replies.
I guess that's why they're known as the Whos, not the Whys.
- Jones said - I'll take this stick here, my staff of Ra, and shove it on up your tiny who-kah.
- [Gulps] - Then the rays of the sun will melt all the snow and show us the place where your presents did go.
He positioned the stick just as he had planned, but it did little more than to give them all tans.
Then, Nicolas Cage said to the Mayor Can I look at your desk.
It may shed a new layer.
And under the seal, he found an inscription, then closed both his eyes, acting out his description.
I'm led to believe that the man called the Grinch stole all your things, then took off in a pinch.
He cracked his whip from an antique sleigh, and knew the right codes to get out the same way.
You found all that out from the desk in his room? - Not really - Said Cage.
I just watched the cartoon.
When all of a sudden, a blanket of snow covered the men from their head to their toes.
It was the Grinch himself who arrived with the stuff.
- You're lying.
- He said.
And I'm calling your bluff.
From that story you told, one's sure to surmise that the bandits you seek are really you guys.
See, I found that old sled that I supposedly used to steal all the gifts from all of the Whos.
But if memory serves, and the truth might just sting, it's you who has access to antique things.
And that whipping you heard came from old Dr.
Jones while the codemeister here broke into your homes.
The men blinked and reacted the way guilty men do with a tug of their shirt and not one gulp, but two.
Ohh! Then Betty Lou Who, who was no more than 2, and whose name we had changed so that no one will sue, said Why are you trying to frame Mr.
G? Clearly, he's not as well-off as you 3.
He's got a bad rep from here to Who-bados, and his movie did poorly on Rotten Potatoes.
But everything changed when he solved the Whos' crime, and the Grinch now had friends for an awful long time.
But not 'cause he'd learned the true meaning of things.
But for simply reuniting the Whos with their bling.
And as for the men Well, in Whoville they say that their movie appeal Shrank 3 times that day.
Honey, have you seen my nose? [Gasps] Uh Nope.
Mad Can't fit enough lunch into that tiny lunchbox? Then you need the all-new Narnia lunchbox.
Every Narnia lunchbox is an actual portal to Narnia itself, which means you can throw as much junk in there as you want.
There's room for your lunch, your textbooks, your gym clothes, your bike, your bunk beds, your pets, - your friends' pets - Where's Baxter? And a thermos! Plus, the Narnia lunchbox contains all the characters you know and love.
I want to swap lunches.
[Roars] Aah! If you misplace something, just climb right in and look around.
One of our Narnia specialists will be happy to assist you.
Excuse me.
Have you seen my ham sandwich? Sandwiches are over in aisle 47, right next to the bowties.
There goes my Friday.
[Roaring] Aah! No, no! No! Aah! The Narnia lunchbox It's in there somewhere! Look, up in the sky! It'sRejected superheroes! The incredible growing boy A boy with the power to grow about an inch a year until his mid-twenties.
Weakness will most likely die somewhere in his mid-to late eighties.
Sketch! A woman who can duplicate anyone's likeness! Weakness must be in caricature form.
What? Oh, come on.
I don't even like dune buggies.
Altidude A man with the power to fly at incredible speeds.
Weakness is still subject to commercial airline regulations.
Yes, I know he has a death laser, but there's some serious fog in Atlanta.
- I don't know.
An hour? - At least two.
He says at least two.
Rejected superheroes! I want a bike, and I want a princess outfit and a game station and pink roller skate shoes.
Your total is $927.
Cash or credit? And she just peed herself.
"Mad" presents celebrities without their makeup.
Santa's ho, ho, hos are g-g-g-gone without his makeup.
Russell brand comes off a little wooden without some touch-up.
Lady Gaga is flash with makeup and without.
Cameron Diaz can be pretty grumpy when photographed au naturel.
And everyone loves Spongebob, except when he's without his makeup.
This has been celebrities without their makeup.
This week on "Judge Mantis" He owes me 2 months back rent.
You lie! [Screeching] Judge Mantis makes a tough decision.
[Screeches] [Screaming] I'm very happy with the judge's ruling Partially because I need the money, but also 'cause I really don't want to be eaten today.
[Screeching] But but I won! I thought so, too.
I thought so, too.
And later, when it comes to paying the wedding photographer, this bride says "I don't.
" Don't miss one second of an all-new "Judge Mantis.
" She's judge, jury, and mantis.
Mad! [Wolf howls] [Hoots] [Snarls] [Gasps] - Jacob! - Excuse me? [All screaming] Jacob! Jacob! No, no, wait! You've got it all wrong! Man, I hate those movies.
[Whimpers] [Giggles] [Shutter clicks] [Screams] [Giggles] [Grunts] [Growls] [Elevator music playing] [Whirs and clanks] Ugh.
[Beeps] Ahh, come on.
[Scoffs] Yeah.
Global warming.
You sent the intersect program full of government secrets into the mind of a guy named Chuck? What? I did no such thing.
Here's your problem.
It's a typo.
I actually sent it to a duck.
[Gunfire] [Quacks] All right, team.
The ring is planning something big.
- Any leads? - Nothing.
It's like they're always one step ahead of us.
- Aah! - [Quacks] He just had a flash! Oh, sorry.
I just spilled bread crumbs on the keyboard.
Q-h-t-i-8? Wait.
The Quentin Hotel is having a holiday event at 8 PM tonight.
That must be where the ring's going to strike.
Looks like duck's going undercover.
[Quacks] Ok.
Is everyone in position? [Quacks] Can the one-liners, duck.
This is serious business.
Don't get any ideas, duck.
We're only pretending to date.
Duck? [Quacks] Duck! What are you doing? You'll blow our cover! [Quacks] Unless Of course.
The ring snuck in with the caterers.
Duck, you did it! [Quacks] [Flatulence] [Quacks] Look, duck.
A really, really pretty girl like me and a water fowl like you? It would never work out.
[Quacks] Oh, duck.
You're right.
I can't take this will they or won't they tension any longer.
[Quacks] Of course.
The mission.
I'm sorry.
Now, how are we going to get into the ring's control room? [Quacks] [Gasps] Nice work, duck.
[Quacks] Ok, duck.
You know what to do.
[Gasps] General Beckman! You're working for the ring? Now, tell me, where is the intersect? Far away from here.
[Quacks] Duck! Ugh! Come on! We went over this.
Get out of here, duck! It's too dangerous! No, wait.
He has a plan.
[Quacks] Duck! You're a Double agent? Oh, I'm sorry.
There's no more.
See? [Quacks] Aah! [Grunts] [Growls] [Quacks] Nice work, duck.
I guess you are more than just an aquatic bird.
[Quacks] Ooh, hey.
Turns out I was wrong after all.
Intersect went to my old roommate Chuck.
That's a That's just a regular duck.
[Quacks] Ptooy! I can't believe I just kissed a duck! Hey, it could have been worse.
You could have been kissing a nerd.
Still, definitely, see a doctor.
Those things carry, like, tons of diseases.