Mad (2010) s02e02 Episode Script

Pokémon Park & WWER

We interrupt this program with some breaking news.
Russell brand tweets a photo of Katy Perry without her makeup.
Woof! Is it Valentine's Day or Halloween? Either way, there will be chocolate.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Mad! Wow! I just got a major shock! Feeling the lightning hit this crate? Hearing Lindsay Lohan still has a career.
I've brought you all to my park because you're the foremost Pokémon experts in the world.
Misty, you've won more Pokémon tournaments than any person alive.
Ash here has written 5 books on the impact of Pokémon games.
Uh, "Pocket Monsters" is actually the, uh, proper, uh, nomenclature.
Finally, we have Jesse and James.
Uh, why are you two here, exactly? Uh, definitely not to steal the secrets of Pokémon Park.
Uh, yeah.
I don't even know why you'd ask that.
Welcome to Pokémon Park.
This charmander may be harmless now, but what happens when it evolves into charizard? Please Pokémon can't evolve on this island.
They stay cute and adorable forever.
Not you.
Everyone hates you.
Well, obviously, that dumb fish will stay stupid and harmless.
But what about the others? Pokémon won't evolve unless they fight.
And Pokémon here don't fight.
Quick! Put him back in the poké ball! Wha? Where are the balls? Yeah.
We got their balls.
Stop laughing.
Just have our money.
Oh! Good.
It's just you, you stupid fish.
Aah! Uh, nice fire-type Pokémon.
Aah! It's ok.
It's ok.
A charizard, uh, definitely can't, uh, open doors.
- We're saved! - Uh, do you think he remembers when I called him stupid? I'm going to say yes.
- It's out of fuel.
- Mine isn't.
Well, I guess Pokémon and man were never meant to walk the earth together.
Just be glad we weren't on Yu-gi-oh! Island.
- Why? What's that like? - Pretty much the same, only more complicated and less fun.
Oh, yes, yes, like Digimon island.
I don't care what you say.
I'm not coming in.
For the millionth time, I won't bite you.
I just want the mail.
Just say you promise you won't bite me.
I promise I won't bite you.
Uhh! Idiot.
Slop n' Shop, your favorite grossery store On sale this week at Slop n' Shop, - Mac & sneeze! - Ah-choo! Fish sticks Troll house cookies Ha ha ha! Goat meal And jiffy poop.
Slop n' Shop, your favorite grossery store The green giant? Who did you think would live at the top of a beanstalk? Well, do you have a goose that lays golden eggs? No, I've got spinach.
You want some spinach? Forget this noise.
Most people are excited when I offer them spinach.
That's a lie! And now the top candy hearts you don't want to get.
"Wanna hug? I'm not contagious anymore.
" "4 ever.
Or at least until senior year.
" "Kiss me.
I already told everyone you did.
" "Hugs and kisses are all I can afford.
" "I love you! Unless that Lisa girl changes her mind.
" We have an attic? Mad, mad, mad, mad.
This fall, the creators of "Lost," "FlashForward," and something else that came and went, bring you the TV show to end all TV shows.
Get ready for "The Thingy.
" Starring Will Smith This is no ordinary thingy.
Angelina Jolie - Who would do such a thingy? - Alec Baldwin - I have some thingy to tell you.
- And Will Smith Hang on.
Wasn't I just down there? Leonardo DiCaprio thinks he knows.
It's some sort of thingy.
Shia LaBeouf thinks he knows.
Dude, this thingy is totally like a thingy.
And Jessica Simpson doesn't know what to think.
Y'all ever eat a book? You'll never believe what the thingy is.
- Can I guess? - You're not allowed to.
I'm not allowed to guess? All I can say is Yes? - Nope, I can't even say that.
- Ohh! Man.
But you do not want to miss "The Thingy.
" When is it on? On a night so mysterious, it'll Hang on a second.
Actually, I can't remember.
Let me check my notes.
Let's see.
Uh, what have we got here? Will Smith, Angelina Jolie, blah, blah, blah, wow.
What is she doing in this mess? Uh, ok.
"The Thingy" Coming soon Ish.
Or someThingy.
I don't think they've written it yet, to be honest.
Mad! I can't breathe! Somebody get me out! It's an emergency! Ha ha ha! Ooh, a package! Who's it from? Uh, Mr.
Frank Retriever.
Frank Retriever? Hmm.
Uhh! Frank Retriever Really? You so deserve this.
Man, I told you this wasn't real.
You're so stupid! Oh, I'm stupid? Says the guy who thought there would be jewels at the bottom of that sunken boat? Sick of being a 90-pound weakling? Introducing "Donkey Strong," the new workout program from Donkey Kong.
I'm Donkey Kong.
And I'm here to help you build muscle by lifting barrels and throwing barrels.
With "Donkey Strong," you'll go from looking like this to this.
So, you promise to follow these simple exercises, I promise I'll make a monkey out of you.
Our 27-DVD series allows you to get in shape in class, at the mall, and even at the pool.
- Uhh! - We'll also throw in this bonus cardio DVD, "Running from Hammers.
" The new "Donkey Strong" exercise video, from me, Donkey Kong.
What a workout.
"Donkey Strong.
" Earl.
Earl! Wake up! B-b-b.
You're tightrope-walking again.
Aah! Marry me, please, maid Marian.
But I don't love you, Robin Hood.
Aah! Oh, man! Are those your arrows? Wow, is my face red.
You really should start using different-looking arrows.
First off, I want to thank you for coming.
Between losing my ball and this new diet they've got me on, I Well, I haven't been myself lately.
And I hope that you'll accept this as my apology.
A new mailbag.
And I had it monogrammed, see? "MM.
" - My name is Alan.
- Oh, really? Heh.
This whole time, I thought it was Mailman.
- Thanks.
- The least I could do.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I gotta hit the hydrant.
Mmm, special dessert for the gentleman.
I didn't order Uhh! Heh heh! I knew your name was Alan.
Grr! What kind of hospital is this? Strap yourself to a gurney and prepare to be misdiagnosed, because this is the WWER.
Now, last week in the WWER, we saw Quadruple H give a quadruple bypass.
Uh, I'm down here.
The feud between Alicia Crocks and Eve-il heated up.
I saw ya makin' out with Dr.
Keep your meat hooks off.
- I'll show you meat hooks.
- Aah! And Coffee Blinkston saved another life.
- Uhh! - Moondrop.
Right now, let's check out the action in room 8476, patient Hector Gonzales.
You have nothing to worry about, Mr.
The doctor performing your appendectomy is a real superstar! Making his way to the E.
, from Dublin, Ireland, weighing in at 272 pounds, Lemus! I'm gonna rip out your appendix! Is that covered under my insurance? Anesthesiologist, knock him out.
Now it's the moment we've all been waiting for, the main event of the night a steel cage operation between old-time rivals the Big Schmo and Jerk Swagger.
I don't know about you, but I'm on the edge of my bedpan.
Jerk Swagger, you don't know the difference between a pancreas and a pancake! Yeah? Well, you couldn't treat a paper cut in a band-aid factory.
Yeah? Well Uh-oh.
Looks like all that time they spent talking smack cost them another patient.
What's this? Who could it be? Oh, my goodness.
It's the blunder taker.
I'm here to take out the trash.
That's all the time we have for tonight on the WWER.
Good night, and Oh! Moondrop.