Mad About You s04e12 Episode Script

Dream Weaver

Honey, this is stuck.
Can you help me? No.
* tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby * * yeah ** I can't believe what is on this menu.
When they say "wild game," they're not kidding around.
"Rattlesnake"? It supposedly tastes like chicken.
What tastes like salad? "Hawk.
" Look at this "wild elk.
" Did you ever have wild elk? Yes, on the lewis and clark expedition.
"Gazelle"? Why did she take us here? Whatever one's boss wants one to eat, one eats.
I'm sorry.
That was my office.
Uh-Oh.
We have to recut the entire fiji special First thing in the morning.
Always wanted to go to fiji.
It's wonderful.
I go all the time.
Just like that.
Boom! Fiji.
She goes.
It's easy when you're not tied down.
You've never been? Fiji? No.
Do it while you still can.
My friends with kids can barely get out of the house.
You hear that, honey? Fiji is the best place to unwind.
As soon as i land, i shed my clothes, And, for a week, i just gallivant around the island naked.
We went to jones beach for a day And ran around without sunblock.
We're just crazy that way.
Excuse me.
How is the ostrich prepared? They break it to him gently.
So he's not as scared.
The ostrich.
With an orange sauce.
What are you having, babe? You know what's great? Buffalo.
All right.
I'll have buffalo, rare.
Really? So, the buffalo for madame? Yes.
You know what? I just can't.
Yes, yes, yes, go! No, no, no, i can't.
Plain green salad.
The same.
Salad? What are you guys, a couple of girls? You have something bold.
Perhaps the baby duck.
It's just too sad.
Oh, come on! The, uhostrich? How old is that? It's no baby.
You're going to have ostrich? Go for it.
All right.
Ostrich.
Go strangle me one of those.
So, in fiji, you wear nothing at all? Just a smile.
What a lovely smile it is.
You know, your smile's not so bad yourself.
Why not just throw her on the table and do it? Ah! What? Oh Are you o.
K.
? Yeah.
What happened? Nothing.
Just, uh, go back to sleep.
What happened? I, uh, nothing.
It's nothing.
Nothing? Feel your heart.
What have you got in there? I swallowed buddy rich.
Sweetie, did you have a bad dream? No, no.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
I was justoh, man.
That was weird.
So you're not going to tell me? It was just a dream.
Oh What "oh"? Come on.
Who was she? Why must you assume? If it wasn't one of those, you'd have told me.
No, it wasn't you were in it, too.
Oh, it was one of those? No.
It was basically exactly what happened tonight.
You, me, and allison having dinner At that stupid restaurant.
I ate ostrich, didn't i? Yes, you did.
Why would you let me do that? You were enjoying showing off.
I'm not enjoying this little ostrich after-Kick.
I don't feel so good.
So what spooked you? Hmm? In the dream.
Who remembers? Come on.
You and allison.
Me and allison what? Tell me.
You really want to know? Would you just tell me? I may have kissed her, accidentally.
There it is.
See? Good for you.
Was that so hard? It wasn't like a good kiss.
I didn't particularly enjoy it.
Well, go back to sleep and give it another shot.
From one end of the island to the other, The proud people of fiji enjoy a game of catch Using a conch shell and large gingko nut.
I had a great time getting to know jamie last night.
She's wonderful.
She had a great time, too.
And you? I was good right up to the ostrich.
That's not a gingko nut.
The guy's saying gingko nut, but it's not.
Anybody mind? I don't.
Moving on.
Wait.
Go back two frames, sid.
See if we can get out there.
What's the date? February 12th.
Mmm.
What? Nothing.
What? I probably shouldn't even say this.
I had the wildest dream last night.
About what? Ohah, forget it.
O.
K.
Well, actually, if you want to know, It was about dinner last night And me and jamie and you sitting there, And just asas You know what? This is inappropriate conversation for the workplace.
Ooh! What "ooh"? One of those dreams.
No, no, no, no, no.
It was just a dream.
There's nothing "just" about dreams.
Didn't you see the dream special? Ah, no, i didn't.
I produced it.
With the dreams.
Yes, i did! Well, dreams are always about something What you want, what you fear.
Maybe it's about what you fear you want.
Bunch of hooey.
Well, i don't know.
See, i don't know what this dream with you and me Was actually about.
Well, what do you think it was about? Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Why don't you just throw her down Ah! Ate a rabbit Ate a little rabbit.
Are you up? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Apparently, i am.
Wow.
I just had the oddest dream.
What, is everybody doing this now? Man! Walk me in to get a cracker? We'll talk.
What was it? It was something.
Oh, god.
What? Something with aduck? Sexual? No.
'Cause i got nervous.
Yes, yes! Yes, it was! You were making out with allison in my dream, too.
Glad i shared that.
And sid was there.
Are you dreaming in my office again? I've asked you not to do that.
I can't believe you were making out Right in front of me.
I can't be blamed for things i did in your dreams.
I just want to understand it.
What's to understand? I'm just getting lucky in every dream in town.
Oysterettes.
That's like crackers, right? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? God! It was on my birthday! You dream on specific dates? Yes.
She was just about to pour milk in her coffee.
She asked you what the date was.
The date was my birthday, and the milk was bad.
Something was bad on my birthday.
What does that mean? Your parents no damn good.
I'm serious.
They were always nice to me.
What does that mean? It means you shouldn't ask me about my dreams 'Cause they get stuck in your head, And we don't fall asleep till we're 60.
You don't think that has significance.
You are making love to another woman on my birthday.
In your dreams, baby! In your dreams! Granted, but it's so malicious! Are you angry at me about something? I don't know, dopey.
It's your dream.
You tell me.
Am i angry at you about something? Yes! O.
K.
What? I don't know.
When you got something, you'll let me know.
Kid all you want, i know you're upset about something.
I'm not upset.
There's something.
There's nothing.
Dreams are never just nothing.
They're what you want, what you fear, What you fear you want.
I almost minored in psychology.
Can we talk about this in the morning? I'd rather talk about it now.
O.
K.
Just give me six hours.
That's fine.
Can we just talk about it now? Good night.
Good night.
[Clunk.]
[Paul.]
ow! Are you o.
K.
? No! I'm not o.
K.
! What happened? I just dropped a bottle Of grapefruit astringent on my foot.
Oh, sweetie.
It didn't break.
My pinkie toe broke the fall.
You ever drop grapefruit astringent on your pinkie toe? No.
It hurts a lot.
Astringent on foot? Yeah, that hurts.
Well, let me just take a look.
You can't see my foot.
And i can't see alka seltzer, maalox.
O.
K.
Let me look.
Because there is none.
There's 15,000 bottles there, But not one thing i can use! Explain that to me! O.
K.
If you're upset I'm not upset, honey.
I'm in pain, and i'm sickwhoa.
What? Get out.
Why? If you're sick, i'd rather be Sweetie? Sweetie? [Retches.]
Sweetie? [Retches.]
Paul, are you o.
K.
? [Retches.]
Aah! What? God! Are you o.
K.
? I'm not well at all.
[Retches.]
"Memories, dreams, and insight.
" "Sigmund freud it's not just a cigar.
" Why do we have two copies Of"the judy carne story"? Who's judy carne? Judy carne from laugh-In.
Rowan & martin's laugh-In? I know rowan & martin's laugh-In.
Oh! You're so young.
She was in the party scenes, doing the frug.
I know the frug.
You don't know the frug.
The frug! The frug! I know.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hi.
Dr.
Hazelkorn.
Oh, this is the service.
O.
K.
Umi have made a horrible mistake.
Bingo! I, um, i have eaten something, And i don't know i'll hold.
Yeah.
Your stomach is not killing you? I had a salad.
Yeah, hi.
Can you have him call me, please.
I'm a patient of his, And i don't know if it's food poisoning, exactly.
Here we go "dreams, interpretation.
" What did i have? O.
K.
Here's the thing.
I may have had Some bad baby duck and a piece of ostrich.
Hello? She hung up.
I remember it was toward the end of the semester.
Mmm! It starts in my stomach, Shoots up my neck, And flicks me in the back of the eyes.
"Repression of emotions can surface as patients act out their rage In dream states.
" What, you just don't care at all? We are going to get to the bottom of this.
There is no bottom.
That's just a rumor.
There's always a bottom.
O.
K.
Can we go back to bed, please? Not yet.
I have to sit down.
O.
K.
Now, in your dream, We were in the restaurant If this is like the united states, I'm nauseous from missouri to utah.
And you were kissing her on the table While i watched? Let's talk about your dream.
In my dream, you kissed her in your office While i watched? See? That's better.
O.
K.
Watched, watched, watched, Like theclock.
Mm-Hmm.
Time.
There's thyme the herb.
Also, herb tyme played second base for st.
Louis.
You'll feel better when we figure this out.
Remember when i had those recurring dreams about my father? I wondered, "why is he in an astronaut suit?" And then i realized, when i was 6 years old, I saw the moon landing with my father.
Sweetie? Sweetie? Are you sleeping? No.
One second, maybe.
I heard everything.
Your father It's not important.
It's not I heard everything.
I was resting my eyes.
O.
K.
Here we go.
I'll say a word.
You say whatever comes into your mind.
Oh, just shoot me now.
It will give us a clue to our dreams.
Horse.
Sweetie Horse.
Shoe.
Horseshoe.
Shoe.
Tree.
Tree.
Dog.
Dog.
Pants.
A dog pants.
Pants.
Hat.
Hat.
Alabama.
What is the matter with you? Who says alabama? What is the right answer? Fine.
Hat, alabama.
In the index, there is a list Of every possible interpretation.
I haven't cracked this yet.
I'm not in the mood for cracking.
If hazelkorn calls back, tell him i've died, But thank you for getting back so promptly.
This stuff makes so much sense.
It's like i got kicked in the stomach By big guys wearing fat slippers.
I can't believe i got a "c" in this class.
Are you going to talk a lot now? No.
You just go to sleep.
I am.
Just go to sleep.
I'm going to read.
All right.
I'll sleep.
You read.
Ah! Listen to this.
"In a study conducted in a university research lab, participants" Ah! Honey? Honey, wake up.
What? What's the matter? You all right there, mrs.
Buchman? Nat, we've been married for four years.
You've got to stop calling me that.
Right, right.
I'm sorry.
I'll try.
A bad dream there, mrs.
Buchuh, honey? Honey? It was awful.
I dreamt i was married to this guy, And he was nice, But he just wouldn't stop.
Stop what? Everything.
He just wouldn't stop.
He was sweet, But always with the picking, picking, picking.
Huh.
Well, dreams are funny that way I mean, not ha-Ha funny, But what they reveal about ourselves And others and what have you.
Nat, you're so sweet.
Well, you know, you got a sweet tooth, And i'm your candy bar, i guess.
You always know just exactly the right thing to say.
Well, i got to chase the bad dreams Away from my gal, don't i? Huh? You know what the worst thing About the dream was? Uhno.
I wanted to talk to him about my dream, But he wouldn't listen, he just wouldn't listen.
I feel sorry for that man and what he's missing.
I'd rather hear all about The very worst dream you ever had Than the best dream i ever had.
Know why? Why? 'Cause i love you.
I justi just love you so much.
All due respect and everything, but I love you very, very, Very, very, very, very much, mrs.
Buchman.
I love you, too, nat.
Wow.
Yeah, i'm something, huh? I'm going to sing you a little lullaby.
This is a little ditty that my mom, Who also loved me very, very much, Used to sing to me.
* non dementicar * * means don't forget you are * * my darling ** ** [nat humming.]
Honey? Honey, wake up.
Huh? Will you hold me? What's the matter? You o.
K.
? I got to be up in, like, four minutes.
I know.
You o.
K.
? Yeah.
Are you? Yeah, sure.
Good night.
Good night.
What the hell's the matter with you? Oh, all right.
See? That's why new york's the greatest city.
At 3:00 a.
M.
You can still get mylanta.
Albeit for $11.
It's money well-Spent.
We'll make tea, you'll sit nicely, it'll be a party.
And no more dreams.
Believe me.
[Frug music plays.]
Oh, no.
Is this what i think it is? You bet your sweet bippy.
I don't want to be in the laugh-In party scene.
Honey, i think it's a little too late.
Come on.
Let's frug.
What's the difference Between paul buchman and a chicken? What? Ha ha! Paul buchman only "balks" at responsibility.
I'm chicken about having a baby? Aren't you? Very interesting.
But foul.
Get it? Fowl! Bok bok-Bok! Bok bok bok! Since when are you scared To tell me what you feel? Since what i'm scared about has changed.
Balk! Bok-Bok bok-Bok-Bok! Bok! Bok! It's a chicken joke! Eww! This portion of paul and jamie's dream Is brought to you by fear The new fragrance by calvin klein.
Fearyou can almost smell it.
Ostriches are not clumsy By henry gibson.
Ostriches, when they mate and such, Frolic with a gentle touch.
They're cautious when it comes to sex.
One false move, they'll break their necks.
Imagine.
If i told you part of me doesn't want to have a baby Part of me is scared stiff you would flip.
[Woman's voice.]
knock! Knock! [Everybody.]
who's there? Sock it! Sock it who? Sock it to me! Very interesting.
But very freudian.
I once saw a freudian slip.
He fell down and broke his hohohenschwangau! O.
K.
What about you? What about me? You never have any doubts about any of this stuff.
What are you, nuts? * it's a facade * Wake up! Of course she has doubts.
Will she be a good mother, or will she suck? Maybe she doesn't want to go to motherland.
What if i tell you how afraid i am And that justifies your fear, And then there's no more baby? Of course i'm scared to death! So do we still try and have a baby? Of course! But you have to promise if you get scared, We'll tell each other.
Otherwise Otherwise, nightmares.
Big nightmares.
Deal? Deal.
Deal! Deal! Deal! This dream is worth three credits Towards an associate's degree in psychology At beautiful downtown burbank community college.
For more information, dial your local krelman.
Enough with the baby.
Ah! Ah! What? Nah.
Nothing.
You o.
K.
? Yeah.
Are you o.
K.
? Yeah.
You sure? Yeah.
O.
K.
Let's go back to sleep.
O.
K.
Say good night, paul.
Good night, paul.
Bye.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks for coming.
Whoa.
Wait a second.
Whoa.
Do that again.
That's our ashtray.
I'll just keep that.
Oh, very interesting, but not too hospitable, you pigs.
Thanks very much.
Bye-Bye.
Come along, niece.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for the party by henry gibson.
Thank you for the party O.
K.
All right.
I loved its every moment We had a wonderful time! And thanks for the one for the road.
Come on, honey.
Wonderful dream.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Oh, uh, i forgot my krelman.
We'll get it.
Send it right out to you.
Bye-Bye.

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