Mad About You s04e19 Episode Script
The Procedure
Oh.
You got a call.
Oh, yeah? Who? Andy griffith.
Who? Andy griffith.
Andy griffith? Yeah.
Andy griffith.
Andy griffith.
I don't know andy griffith.
Are you sure? That's what he said.
Andy griffith? You sure it was griffithith? Yes.
Andy griffith.
Ith.
I don't know andy griffith.
Why would he call me? Don't know.
Here's the number.
Andy griffith.
I'll dial it.
No.
No, i'll do it.
Just very strange.
Hello.
Hi.
Is andy griffith there? Randy rifkin.
Had the tv on.
Hey, randy.
* tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby ** Come on.
Don't be shy.
O.
K.
Ready? Ready.
Ahem.
No, no.
No, no.
Why not? Not sexy.
Too sexy.
She's going to the hospital.
What, victoria's secret models don't get sick? He might like it.
Work it, girl.
Try something like this.
This looks good.
Yeah, if i were louisa may alcott.
Excuse me.
Uh, do you carry these In full-Figure sizes? You want that in full-Figured? Yes.
That for your wife? Yes.
She's a full-Figured gal, huh? Yes.
Yeah, right.
Whatever.
It's, uh, back there.
Thank you.
Wife.
Yeah, right.
Try this.
You don't want me to look good for dr.
Griffin.
What? Of course i want you to.
Why wouldn't i want you to look good? But you're his patient.
He's your doctor.
He's going to operate on you.
It's not an operation.
It's a minor procedure.
Five minutes, it's over.
Rest of the time, i'm making an impression.
I got my tooth pulled to meet a dentist It's the one right here.
It's not appropriate.
O.
K.
How about this? Honey Black for surgery? I don't think that's the statement you want to make.
It's surgery, not a date.
It's a date.
She is lying there unconscious.
What, you've never been On a date like that before? Listen, this is my thing To find out why i'm not getting pregnant.
Go make your own appointment.
Ooh.
I might.
I just might.
Oh, god.
You guys are so pathetic.
It's just sad.
Can i come? Well, i never saw the memo.
Paulie, we got to go.
It's not a memo i saw.
Get off the phone already.
Nobody's saying you didn't send it.
Hollis, nobody's calling you a liar.
You insisted on taking james.
I'm going to be with james for this.
So, get off the phone.
Hollisno, don't come down now.
This isn't a good O.
K.
Fine.
Come on down.
This guy is going to suck the life right out of me.
Hey, paulie, you got more of these pens? Why? I really like this one.
It's got terrific action.
Look.
It's a pen.
Can i have it? Take the pen.
Thanks.
Let's get out of here.
I can't.
He's got to yell at me first.
What? Now? Yeah.
I violated some company policy.
What did you do? Remember the commercial for jamie's boss? Was a thing of beauty.
Whatever.
It seems there's a memo That company employees are not allowed To align themselves publicly with political candidates.
Paulie, this guy's an idiot.
To an extent you can't imagine.
So, you're going to stick around for him? You're right.
Let's get out of here.
Yeah.
Let's go.
I really like this pen.
Keep it.
Hey, paul.
Hi, hollis.
Leaving early? Uh what are you writing now? Oh, nothing.
'Cause i'm actually In the middle of a little meeting.
Uh-Huh.
A little meeting.
Is that against the rules? I sent a memo about using company time for personal meetings.
No.
This is not personal.
This is, uh, my agent.
Your agent? Yeah.
Really? Yeah.
I don't believe we've met.
No.
I don't believe we have.
I'm hollis.
Hollis pavelle.
Ira.
Ira Uniball.
Uniball? Yes.
Like the pen? No, no, no.
One "l.
" Unibal.
It's portuguese.
And what agency are you with? What agency? Unibal talent.
I have no record of paul having representation.
Because i just signed.
Yes, indeed he did, And we could not be more excited.
We see mr.
Buchman as a exceptionally talented client.
Ah, please.
Now, please.
There've been lots of agents out there Vying for his signature, as you well know.
Yeah, i didn't.
Well, there has been.
We are excited and feel privileged that he selected us.
So, you went with unibal, did you? It's really a question of Being a little fish in a big pond, Or a big fish in a little pond.
So, you chose Big fish, tiny, little pond.
Actually, it's good that you're here, mr.
Unibal.
No.
Unibál.
Unibál.
One "l.
" 'Cause i came to notify you, paul, Of a meeting we're going to have Over your breech of corporate policy.
That's going to be at 2:30, Upstairs.
Is that today? Yes.
Perhaps i should be there.
Yes, perhaps you should.
Yeah.
So, great.
Terrific.
O.
K.
2:30.
Upstairs.
Where'd you get that pen? What this? Actually, i don't remember.
Why? Oh, nothing.
What are you doing here? What am i doing here? You didn't have to come.
Fran's going to take me.
Honey, i'm taking you.
I want to take you.
Thought you had a ton of work or a meeting.
It's not important.
You're going to the hospital to have an operation.
Not an operation.
A minor procedure.
O.
K.
O.
K.
What is this? What? This.
That? Nothing.
I can see that.
What is it? You like it? Yeah.
But more importantly, I think very handsome doctor boy's going to love this.
Think so? Oh, yes.
Which slippers do you like, My blue ones or these? Sweetie.
What? It's an outpatient procedure.
I know.
Which sweater, the pink or the gold? Am i me or dr.
Griffin? I'll just take both.
Fine.
Nervous? No.
'Cause you can be nervous.
You're allowed.
I'm not.
You're packing like we're going overseas.
I just want options.
Dr.
Griffin will be very impressed.
[Door buzzer.]
That fran? Yeah.
Let her in.
I'm going with you.
I want to be there.
Hey.
O.
K.
Do i got to go put on a tuxedo? What are you doing? What? I can't believe you went home And changed to impress dr.
Griffin.
He's that good looking? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How's my lipstick? It's very straight and even.
How's mine? You're both beautiful and perfect.
So unfair.
You're not coming with me.
Dr.
Griffin.
Dr.
Griffin.
Please report to pediatrics.
Where's pediatrics? Ooh.
That way.
Fran, we still going to lunch? I'll be right back! So, you decided to stay? Yeah.
She says to go.
Ah.
It's just a ruse.
Yeah.
For your benefit.
Exactly.
Putting on a brave face.
How could we miss him? Pediatrics is so small.
You know, jamie Dr.
Griffith shh! Shh! Please report to the cafeteria.
The cafeteria! This way.
See? What you're seeing, very common syndrome.
You learn all about it First year of med school.
What is that? The doctor as god.
As deity.
You see, the patient comes in here With this fragile psyche, And they have to build the doctor up To almost god-Like status, Ascribing to him superhuman qualities So that in their mind They can trust him with the operation.
It's just a minor procedure.
You know what i'm saying.
So, in other words, This hoopla about griffin is a charade.
Oh, no.
I mean, he's a good-Looking fella.
He's not a piece of dog meat.
He's unquestionably very handsome.
Unquestionably.
Although, between you and me, I think he wears a little makeup.
Makeup? A little base, yeah.
Huh? Maybe some eyeliner.
But women go nuts for this guy.
And he's no more attractive than you and me.
That right? In fact, you're looking terrific.
So are you.
Me? Really, you think so? Yeah.
We're both good-Looking.
We are, we are.
Yeah.
Do you blow-Dry your hair? It's fluffy, not flat.
I use a certain cream.
But you lost weight.
No, no.
Know what i do? I do these ab crunches.
They're not sit-Ups.
They're just crunches.
Know what the secret is? Very tiny.
Less is more.
Really? How many do you do? I don't know.
5-6,000.
The thing is, the guy's a surgeon.
You're good-Looking, but if you're a surgeon, Then you're devastating.
Even ugly surgeons seem handsome? Yeah.
It's what kind of doctor you are.
An ugly surgeon is more handsome Than a handsome podiatrist.
How could that be? It's the way it is.
The doors closed so fast.
Mr.
And mrs.
Buchman? Yes.
Yes.
Follow me, please.
Now? Where's dr.
Griffin? He's inside.
Oh.
I can't believe i missed him.
Hey.
I'm not exactly a podiatrist.
You don't have to stay.
It's a minor procedure.
Absolutely.
I'm going.
O.
K.
Bye.
Bye.
We'll see you afterwards.
You're in good hands.
It'll be over before you know it.
See you when you return.
We'll wait.
Appreciate it.
All right o.
K.
That's enough.
Let's go.
Are we ready? Yeah.
Yeah.
O.
K.
Take everything off, And i do mean everything, And put this on.
Ties go in the back.
Actually, i brought my own.
You did? Well, isn't that sweet? Put this on.
It's not that bad, honey.
Why can't i wear my own? Because this is a hospital, not the playboy channel.
This would actually look very nice on you.
I'd like to talk to dr.
Griffin.
You can talk to him before you go into the o.
R.
Why can't i talk to him now? It's open in back for a nice breeze.
Also you have to take off all your jewelry and makeup.
Why? You look great without makeup.
And we have a nice little pair of shoes for you.
Free shoes.
You like shoes.
Here's a pretty hat.
You're getting a whole outfit.
O.
K.
I'm not wearing this.
Honey, if you want the surgery, You don't have any choice.
It's a minor procedure.
Whatever.
Now, will you cooperate or not? Honey, just play along with them.
Or do whate dodo what you want.
I don't have time for this.
[Knock knock.]
What's the problem? I want to wear my own gown.
Paul, let her wear the gown.
No, no, this one.
Oh, isn't this pretty? Lisa helped me pick it out.
Nurse, let her wear the gown.
But, doctor But what? The woman is my patient, And i'm telling you let her wear the gown.
Is that understood? Yes, dr.
Devenow.
Good.
How about that, huh? [Whistles.]
Paulie, i can handle this.
You're going to go to my meeting? Yes.
And represent me? Yes! You know, don't you, this is not camp? This is like an actual job.
I understand.
Sort of like a livelihood thing for me.
It's me and hollis alone in a room.
How hard can it be? He's an idiot! He actually believed you're my agent.
I rest my case.
All right.
But don't tell him what i'm doing today.
I won't.
We're keeping this private.
Paulie.
If he asks Hey, hey.
Has ira unibal ever let you downever? Not since i signed with him.
O.
K.
So relax.
Kiss your wife.
Talk to you later.
All right.
Vaya con dios.
Yeah.
I'm good and screwed.
Hey.
Ah, mr.
Unibal.
Welcome.
Good to see you again, hollis.
So glad you could join us.
Everyone, this is mr.
Unibal.
Nice to meet you.
Mr.
Unibal.
Mr.
Unibal, allow me to introduce you To the board of directors And majority owners of the explorer channel.
[Telephone rings.]
Nurse's station.
Mr.
Buchman.
Thank you.
Hello? Paulie, it's me.
Splinky, what sayest thou? Listen, man, we are up that bad, bad creek Without that crucial paddle.
Hollis talking tough? Mon frere, It's the entire board of the explorer channel.
The board is there? Yes, and i have seen friendlier parole boards.
Haul thine arse here As swiftly as humanly possible tout de suite.
I can't! Paulie, i'm telling you, as your agent! Juststall s-Stall 'em.
Stall 'em and i'll call you back.
There you go.
Are you starting to feel relaxed? Yesh.
Ha.
I mean yesh.
[Music plays.]
Yesh.
I want to say yesh but i'm saying yesh.
It's just the sedative kicking in.
Hello, jamie.
Hi, dr.
Griffin! So how's my patient? They treating you o.
K.
? Hi, dr.
Griffin! We'll be starting in just a minute.
When? Now don't be nervous.
Everything will be fine.
Mrs.
Buchman, This won't hurt a bit.
O.
K.
Now listen.
I have a very high tolerance.
I need more than the average dosage To put me out.
Really.
O.
K.
Now, ms.
Buchman, Count backwards from 10.
Umhow do i page a doctor? Who do you want to page? Dr.
Devenow.
Dr.
Devenow.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Paul I got a bit of an emergency.
What, what? James? No, she's fine.
I got a thing at the office.
Jamie will be asleep for hours.
You swear.
Iabsolutely.
'Cause i want to be there when she wakes up.
We'll beep you.
We both swear.
You swear? O.
K.
All right.
Thank you.
Got my new golf clubs yesterday.
Want to hit a few after our 2:30 gall bladder? Mm-Hmm.
Did you see er last night? Yeah.
See chicago hope? That show hasn't worked for me Since mandy patinkin left.
I bought Excuse me.
Yeah.
Could you pay a little more attention to me? Don't worry.
I am.
Well, you're talking about your golf game, Your stock markets, and what you watched on tv.
You have a problem with that? Yeah.
You're operating on me.
It's not really an operation.
It's just a minor procedure.
Would you watch what you're doing? Don't worry.
I'm very good at this.
How am i doing, doc? I don't want to get sued or anything.
You won't.
I need to know.
You won't quote me when you're awake? I won't quote you.
Everything seems to be in working order.
Really? So far.
So you're saying i'm all right? I can have children? I'm saying there don't seem to be any medical problems.
What does that mean? It means when the time is right, one way or another, You'll have children.
Can you do me one more little favor? Would you take off the mask? Oh, come on.
No, i can't.
I'm all scrubbed up and everything.
Do me one big favor and take off the mask.
All right.
Go ahead.
* ah, ah ** Wow, you're gorgeous.
The broker said it was the way to go.
But this morning it dropped 4 points.
If i could just find a broker As good as my golf instructor.
Hi.
Hi, sorry.
I got here as soon as i could.
Well, well, here we are.
O.
K.
Paul, tell them.
Yeah, o.
K.
Um Tell them why you violated company policy To shoot that political endorsement.
O.
K.
Umyou see Tell them why, paul, Why.
Because Gentlemen, My client was led astray.
Yes.
By who? You ask.
By who? By me.
I led him astray, Iira unibal.
You know what? I No, paul.
Better to let them know the truth Than let them live in a shroud of deception.
Well, i suppose that is true.
Yes, i told him that i had been given clearance By everybody in the company, And, folks, it humbles me to admit this, But i lied.
Yes, i lied to my client.
[Sobs.]
i lied to my friend.
But most of all, i lied to you.
It's unibal.
One "l.
" One "l.
" You lied? Yes.
You never spoke to them? Never.
I never had clearance? Never.
I'm out there shooting, i had no clearance? None.
I'm horrified.
Believe me, i'mi'm mortified.
I am horrified.
I am just mortified and horrified both.
Horrified.
I'm mortif i'm ossified.
Isn't that a word? Well, i'm mortified and horrified for sure that That i let myself be duped, That i was represented by this man Whose ways and tactics were not fully known to me, And then i let him represent me And damaged my reputation and your reputation? And the bond that we've all worked so hard here At the explorer channel to achievemismis Unibal unibal.
Let me say that you are hereby summarily dismissed.
No buts.
Butbut I am no longer represented by unibal talent.
What did i say? Just get out as if we'd never met! I can onli Iwhat can i do? I apologize.
I apologize to you.
We had no idea.
Believe me, i, you know, myself, uh We Should apologize to you.
Well, i don't know if that's If i may just say a few Hollis! Sorry.
That's all right.
No apology.
You know, i'm certainly glad we've settled this issue.
I have some previous commitments, So i must bid you all a very good afternoon.
You were very good.
Ossified? Hey, james.
Hey.
Oh, it's you, it's you, it's you.
How you doing? You o.
K.
? I think so.
Did you talk to dr.
Griffin? Talked to him in the hall, And he said everything seems to be perfect.
Really? He didn't find anything? Nothing.
Yay! Yay.
So there's nothing wrong with me? No.
Yay.
Mmm Muah.
So how come we're not pregnant? Oh, don't go there.
If nothing's wrong with you Sweetie, we have good news.
Let it be for five minutes.
Sorry.
Come on.
Just Think about something nice.
What do you think of dr.
Griffin? Could you look up the number for unibal talent agency? That's unibal.
Bal.
One "l".
It's portuguese.
Right.
Interesting.
No listing.
How about in queens? So there is no unibal listing in new york.
Interesting.
How about new jersey? O.
K.
All right.
Would you look? O.
K.
Nothing.
So what you're saying Is there's no unibal talent agency listing in the country.
Well, o.
K.
Thank you.
You know what? Could you just check portugal? Really?
You got a call.
Oh, yeah? Who? Andy griffith.
Who? Andy griffith.
Andy griffith? Yeah.
Andy griffith.
Andy griffith.
I don't know andy griffith.
Are you sure? That's what he said.
Andy griffith? You sure it was griffithith? Yes.
Andy griffith.
Ith.
I don't know andy griffith.
Why would he call me? Don't know.
Here's the number.
Andy griffith.
I'll dial it.
No.
No, i'll do it.
Just very strange.
Hello.
Hi.
Is andy griffith there? Randy rifkin.
Had the tv on.
Hey, randy.
* tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby ** Come on.
Don't be shy.
O.
K.
Ready? Ready.
Ahem.
No, no.
No, no.
Why not? Not sexy.
Too sexy.
She's going to the hospital.
What, victoria's secret models don't get sick? He might like it.
Work it, girl.
Try something like this.
This looks good.
Yeah, if i were louisa may alcott.
Excuse me.
Uh, do you carry these In full-Figure sizes? You want that in full-Figured? Yes.
That for your wife? Yes.
She's a full-Figured gal, huh? Yes.
Yeah, right.
Whatever.
It's, uh, back there.
Thank you.
Wife.
Yeah, right.
Try this.
You don't want me to look good for dr.
Griffin.
What? Of course i want you to.
Why wouldn't i want you to look good? But you're his patient.
He's your doctor.
He's going to operate on you.
It's not an operation.
It's a minor procedure.
Five minutes, it's over.
Rest of the time, i'm making an impression.
I got my tooth pulled to meet a dentist It's the one right here.
It's not appropriate.
O.
K.
How about this? Honey Black for surgery? I don't think that's the statement you want to make.
It's surgery, not a date.
It's a date.
She is lying there unconscious.
What, you've never been On a date like that before? Listen, this is my thing To find out why i'm not getting pregnant.
Go make your own appointment.
Ooh.
I might.
I just might.
Oh, god.
You guys are so pathetic.
It's just sad.
Can i come? Well, i never saw the memo.
Paulie, we got to go.
It's not a memo i saw.
Get off the phone already.
Nobody's saying you didn't send it.
Hollis, nobody's calling you a liar.
You insisted on taking james.
I'm going to be with james for this.
So, get off the phone.
Hollisno, don't come down now.
This isn't a good O.
K.
Fine.
Come on down.
This guy is going to suck the life right out of me.
Hey, paulie, you got more of these pens? Why? I really like this one.
It's got terrific action.
Look.
It's a pen.
Can i have it? Take the pen.
Thanks.
Let's get out of here.
I can't.
He's got to yell at me first.
What? Now? Yeah.
I violated some company policy.
What did you do? Remember the commercial for jamie's boss? Was a thing of beauty.
Whatever.
It seems there's a memo That company employees are not allowed To align themselves publicly with political candidates.
Paulie, this guy's an idiot.
To an extent you can't imagine.
So, you're going to stick around for him? You're right.
Let's get out of here.
Yeah.
Let's go.
I really like this pen.
Keep it.
Hey, paul.
Hi, hollis.
Leaving early? Uh what are you writing now? Oh, nothing.
'Cause i'm actually In the middle of a little meeting.
Uh-Huh.
A little meeting.
Is that against the rules? I sent a memo about using company time for personal meetings.
No.
This is not personal.
This is, uh, my agent.
Your agent? Yeah.
Really? Yeah.
I don't believe we've met.
No.
I don't believe we have.
I'm hollis.
Hollis pavelle.
Ira.
Ira Uniball.
Uniball? Yes.
Like the pen? No, no, no.
One "l.
" Unibal.
It's portuguese.
And what agency are you with? What agency? Unibal talent.
I have no record of paul having representation.
Because i just signed.
Yes, indeed he did, And we could not be more excited.
We see mr.
Buchman as a exceptionally talented client.
Ah, please.
Now, please.
There've been lots of agents out there Vying for his signature, as you well know.
Yeah, i didn't.
Well, there has been.
We are excited and feel privileged that he selected us.
So, you went with unibal, did you? It's really a question of Being a little fish in a big pond, Or a big fish in a little pond.
So, you chose Big fish, tiny, little pond.
Actually, it's good that you're here, mr.
Unibal.
No.
Unibál.
Unibál.
One "l.
" 'Cause i came to notify you, paul, Of a meeting we're going to have Over your breech of corporate policy.
That's going to be at 2:30, Upstairs.
Is that today? Yes.
Perhaps i should be there.
Yes, perhaps you should.
Yeah.
So, great.
Terrific.
O.
K.
2:30.
Upstairs.
Where'd you get that pen? What this? Actually, i don't remember.
Why? Oh, nothing.
What are you doing here? What am i doing here? You didn't have to come.
Fran's going to take me.
Honey, i'm taking you.
I want to take you.
Thought you had a ton of work or a meeting.
It's not important.
You're going to the hospital to have an operation.
Not an operation.
A minor procedure.
O.
K.
O.
K.
What is this? What? This.
That? Nothing.
I can see that.
What is it? You like it? Yeah.
But more importantly, I think very handsome doctor boy's going to love this.
Think so? Oh, yes.
Which slippers do you like, My blue ones or these? Sweetie.
What? It's an outpatient procedure.
I know.
Which sweater, the pink or the gold? Am i me or dr.
Griffin? I'll just take both.
Fine.
Nervous? No.
'Cause you can be nervous.
You're allowed.
I'm not.
You're packing like we're going overseas.
I just want options.
Dr.
Griffin will be very impressed.
[Door buzzer.]
That fran? Yeah.
Let her in.
I'm going with you.
I want to be there.
Hey.
O.
K.
Do i got to go put on a tuxedo? What are you doing? What? I can't believe you went home And changed to impress dr.
Griffin.
He's that good looking? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How's my lipstick? It's very straight and even.
How's mine? You're both beautiful and perfect.
So unfair.
You're not coming with me.
Dr.
Griffin.
Dr.
Griffin.
Please report to pediatrics.
Where's pediatrics? Ooh.
That way.
Fran, we still going to lunch? I'll be right back! So, you decided to stay? Yeah.
She says to go.
Ah.
It's just a ruse.
Yeah.
For your benefit.
Exactly.
Putting on a brave face.
How could we miss him? Pediatrics is so small.
You know, jamie Dr.
Griffith shh! Shh! Please report to the cafeteria.
The cafeteria! This way.
See? What you're seeing, very common syndrome.
You learn all about it First year of med school.
What is that? The doctor as god.
As deity.
You see, the patient comes in here With this fragile psyche, And they have to build the doctor up To almost god-Like status, Ascribing to him superhuman qualities So that in their mind They can trust him with the operation.
It's just a minor procedure.
You know what i'm saying.
So, in other words, This hoopla about griffin is a charade.
Oh, no.
I mean, he's a good-Looking fella.
He's not a piece of dog meat.
He's unquestionably very handsome.
Unquestionably.
Although, between you and me, I think he wears a little makeup.
Makeup? A little base, yeah.
Huh? Maybe some eyeliner.
But women go nuts for this guy.
And he's no more attractive than you and me.
That right? In fact, you're looking terrific.
So are you.
Me? Really, you think so? Yeah.
We're both good-Looking.
We are, we are.
Yeah.
Do you blow-Dry your hair? It's fluffy, not flat.
I use a certain cream.
But you lost weight.
No, no.
Know what i do? I do these ab crunches.
They're not sit-Ups.
They're just crunches.
Know what the secret is? Very tiny.
Less is more.
Really? How many do you do? I don't know.
5-6,000.
The thing is, the guy's a surgeon.
You're good-Looking, but if you're a surgeon, Then you're devastating.
Even ugly surgeons seem handsome? Yeah.
It's what kind of doctor you are.
An ugly surgeon is more handsome Than a handsome podiatrist.
How could that be? It's the way it is.
The doors closed so fast.
Mr.
And mrs.
Buchman? Yes.
Yes.
Follow me, please.
Now? Where's dr.
Griffin? He's inside.
Oh.
I can't believe i missed him.
Hey.
I'm not exactly a podiatrist.
You don't have to stay.
It's a minor procedure.
Absolutely.
I'm going.
O.
K.
Bye.
Bye.
We'll see you afterwards.
You're in good hands.
It'll be over before you know it.
See you when you return.
We'll wait.
Appreciate it.
All right o.
K.
That's enough.
Let's go.
Are we ready? Yeah.
Yeah.
O.
K.
Take everything off, And i do mean everything, And put this on.
Ties go in the back.
Actually, i brought my own.
You did? Well, isn't that sweet? Put this on.
It's not that bad, honey.
Why can't i wear my own? Because this is a hospital, not the playboy channel.
This would actually look very nice on you.
I'd like to talk to dr.
Griffin.
You can talk to him before you go into the o.
R.
Why can't i talk to him now? It's open in back for a nice breeze.
Also you have to take off all your jewelry and makeup.
Why? You look great without makeup.
And we have a nice little pair of shoes for you.
Free shoes.
You like shoes.
Here's a pretty hat.
You're getting a whole outfit.
O.
K.
I'm not wearing this.
Honey, if you want the surgery, You don't have any choice.
It's a minor procedure.
Whatever.
Now, will you cooperate or not? Honey, just play along with them.
Or do whate dodo what you want.
I don't have time for this.
[Knock knock.]
What's the problem? I want to wear my own gown.
Paul, let her wear the gown.
No, no, this one.
Oh, isn't this pretty? Lisa helped me pick it out.
Nurse, let her wear the gown.
But, doctor But what? The woman is my patient, And i'm telling you let her wear the gown.
Is that understood? Yes, dr.
Devenow.
Good.
How about that, huh? [Whistles.]
Paulie, i can handle this.
You're going to go to my meeting? Yes.
And represent me? Yes! You know, don't you, this is not camp? This is like an actual job.
I understand.
Sort of like a livelihood thing for me.
It's me and hollis alone in a room.
How hard can it be? He's an idiot! He actually believed you're my agent.
I rest my case.
All right.
But don't tell him what i'm doing today.
I won't.
We're keeping this private.
Paulie.
If he asks Hey, hey.
Has ira unibal ever let you downever? Not since i signed with him.
O.
K.
So relax.
Kiss your wife.
Talk to you later.
All right.
Vaya con dios.
Yeah.
I'm good and screwed.
Hey.
Ah, mr.
Unibal.
Welcome.
Good to see you again, hollis.
So glad you could join us.
Everyone, this is mr.
Unibal.
Nice to meet you.
Mr.
Unibal.
Mr.
Unibal, allow me to introduce you To the board of directors And majority owners of the explorer channel.
[Telephone rings.]
Nurse's station.
Mr.
Buchman.
Thank you.
Hello? Paulie, it's me.
Splinky, what sayest thou? Listen, man, we are up that bad, bad creek Without that crucial paddle.
Hollis talking tough? Mon frere, It's the entire board of the explorer channel.
The board is there? Yes, and i have seen friendlier parole boards.
Haul thine arse here As swiftly as humanly possible tout de suite.
I can't! Paulie, i'm telling you, as your agent! Juststall s-Stall 'em.
Stall 'em and i'll call you back.
There you go.
Are you starting to feel relaxed? Yesh.
Ha.
I mean yesh.
[Music plays.]
Yesh.
I want to say yesh but i'm saying yesh.
It's just the sedative kicking in.
Hello, jamie.
Hi, dr.
Griffin! So how's my patient? They treating you o.
K.
? Hi, dr.
Griffin! We'll be starting in just a minute.
When? Now don't be nervous.
Everything will be fine.
Mrs.
Buchman, This won't hurt a bit.
O.
K.
Now listen.
I have a very high tolerance.
I need more than the average dosage To put me out.
Really.
O.
K.
Now, ms.
Buchman, Count backwards from 10.
Umhow do i page a doctor? Who do you want to page? Dr.
Devenow.
Dr.
Devenow.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Paul I got a bit of an emergency.
What, what? James? No, she's fine.
I got a thing at the office.
Jamie will be asleep for hours.
You swear.
Iabsolutely.
'Cause i want to be there when she wakes up.
We'll beep you.
We both swear.
You swear? O.
K.
All right.
Thank you.
Got my new golf clubs yesterday.
Want to hit a few after our 2:30 gall bladder? Mm-Hmm.
Did you see er last night? Yeah.
See chicago hope? That show hasn't worked for me Since mandy patinkin left.
I bought Excuse me.
Yeah.
Could you pay a little more attention to me? Don't worry.
I am.
Well, you're talking about your golf game, Your stock markets, and what you watched on tv.
You have a problem with that? Yeah.
You're operating on me.
It's not really an operation.
It's just a minor procedure.
Would you watch what you're doing? Don't worry.
I'm very good at this.
How am i doing, doc? I don't want to get sued or anything.
You won't.
I need to know.
You won't quote me when you're awake? I won't quote you.
Everything seems to be in working order.
Really? So far.
So you're saying i'm all right? I can have children? I'm saying there don't seem to be any medical problems.
What does that mean? It means when the time is right, one way or another, You'll have children.
Can you do me one more little favor? Would you take off the mask? Oh, come on.
No, i can't.
I'm all scrubbed up and everything.
Do me one big favor and take off the mask.
All right.
Go ahead.
* ah, ah ** Wow, you're gorgeous.
The broker said it was the way to go.
But this morning it dropped 4 points.
If i could just find a broker As good as my golf instructor.
Hi.
Hi, sorry.
I got here as soon as i could.
Well, well, here we are.
O.
K.
Paul, tell them.
Yeah, o.
K.
Um Tell them why you violated company policy To shoot that political endorsement.
O.
K.
Umyou see Tell them why, paul, Why.
Because Gentlemen, My client was led astray.
Yes.
By who? You ask.
By who? By me.
I led him astray, Iira unibal.
You know what? I No, paul.
Better to let them know the truth Than let them live in a shroud of deception.
Well, i suppose that is true.
Yes, i told him that i had been given clearance By everybody in the company, And, folks, it humbles me to admit this, But i lied.
Yes, i lied to my client.
[Sobs.]
i lied to my friend.
But most of all, i lied to you.
It's unibal.
One "l.
" One "l.
" You lied? Yes.
You never spoke to them? Never.
I never had clearance? Never.
I'm out there shooting, i had no clearance? None.
I'm horrified.
Believe me, i'mi'm mortified.
I am horrified.
I am just mortified and horrified both.
Horrified.
I'm mortif i'm ossified.
Isn't that a word? Well, i'm mortified and horrified for sure that That i let myself be duped, That i was represented by this man Whose ways and tactics were not fully known to me, And then i let him represent me And damaged my reputation and your reputation? And the bond that we've all worked so hard here At the explorer channel to achievemismis Unibal unibal.
Let me say that you are hereby summarily dismissed.
No buts.
Butbut I am no longer represented by unibal talent.
What did i say? Just get out as if we'd never met! I can onli Iwhat can i do? I apologize.
I apologize to you.
We had no idea.
Believe me, i, you know, myself, uh We Should apologize to you.
Well, i don't know if that's If i may just say a few Hollis! Sorry.
That's all right.
No apology.
You know, i'm certainly glad we've settled this issue.
I have some previous commitments, So i must bid you all a very good afternoon.
You were very good.
Ossified? Hey, james.
Hey.
Oh, it's you, it's you, it's you.
How you doing? You o.
K.
? I think so.
Did you talk to dr.
Griffin? Talked to him in the hall, And he said everything seems to be perfect.
Really? He didn't find anything? Nothing.
Yay! Yay.
So there's nothing wrong with me? No.
Yay.
Mmm Muah.
So how come we're not pregnant? Oh, don't go there.
If nothing's wrong with you Sweetie, we have good news.
Let it be for five minutes.
Sorry.
Come on.
Just Think about something nice.
What do you think of dr.
Griffin? Could you look up the number for unibal talent agency? That's unibal.
Bal.
One "l".
It's portuguese.
Right.
Interesting.
No listing.
How about in queens? So there is no unibal listing in new york.
Interesting.
How about new jersey? O.
K.
All right.
Would you look? O.
K.
Nothing.
So what you're saying Is there's no unibal talent agency listing in the country.
Well, o.
K.
Thank you.
You know what? Could you just check portugal? Really?