Mad About You s04e20 Episode Script
The Weed
O.
K.
Is this your card? * tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby ** Look at these brochures.
What do you got? Amish country, the poconos, Hershey, gettysburg.
Gettysburg? Is there an address? So why is everything in pennsylvania? What's wrong with pennsylvania? Pennsylvania's a fine state.
One of the original 13.
The keystone state.
Got quakers.
Got to love the quakers.
Quaker oats.
Quaker furniture.
That's shaker.
Whatever.
How about new york, the empire state? Many fine tourist attractions there.
Massachusetts always reliable.
Why don't we go to canada, Visit our neighbors to the north? Why are they any better than pennsylvania? Do you have a discount from work With pennsylvania tourism? Aren't you so smart? Why don't you say that? I didn't want to prejudice you against pennsylvania.
I'll call the travel agency guy.
When? I can't do it until weed is done.
They don't understand filmmaking as metaphor, Filmmaking as poetry.
As art.
Yes, but not in a mocking tone you just said.
I'm not mocking.
You wanted me to work for the explorer channel.
I did not.
This is the price you pay When you work for the man.
What are you, shaft? I only wanted you to work for the explorer channel If you wanted to work for the explorer channel.
If i didn't want to work there? Then i didn't want you to.
I don't remember that conversation.
It's true.
How do you remember? I eat right.
My memory is just as good eating crap.
O.
K.
, now, where's my pants? That's good.
O.
K.
, who's breathing here? We all are.
Somebody's nose is whistling.
[Everybody sniffing.]
Paul.
Yes, hollis.
You wearing a watch? I am.
Would you look at it? We've been trying to light this weed for two hours.
It's not easy to light a weed.
Right, bobby? I guess.
Thanks for backing me up.
What are you doing? Nothing.
You're casting a shadow on the weed.
I'm trying to light a weed.
Where's the continuity Wasn't this leaning to the south yesterday? Now it's leaning to the west.
Uh-Huh.
What's the difference? It's a weed.
It's the star of the show.
The film is called weed.
Put some string on it and hold it up.
You know what? It's not a puppet.
It's a living thing.
Put a string on this weed And be out of here in five minutes.
You're not ruining my film.
It's a weed.
It's a weed.
You're a weed.
Fine, i'm a weed.
By the way, Who ate all the doughnuts? This is a disaster.
All hell is going to break loose.
Why was brockwell taking money From a reputed crime boss? It was spare change for cab fare.
He left his wallet at home.
You think the grand jury will believe that? Oh, we're screwed.
Months of planning a campaign all up in smoke.
Maybe he won't get indicted.
Don't be so optimistic.
You'll get my hopes up.
There goes my entire weekend.
What were you going to do? I have no plans.
I have no life.
How about you? I used to have a life.
Hey, sorry i'm late.
You're not late.
You're early for tomorrow.
We ate your kung pao.
I had lunch with mark.
Two hours? I chewed slowly.
We have to work all weekend.
We are? What? Mark and i are going to the pennsylvania-Dutch country.
You're what? What made you decide on that? I was looking through your brochures.
Is something wrong? Paul and i were thinking Of going away this weekend.
You were? You were? We talked about it.
Come with us.
You've got to help me prep brockwell For a grand jury testimony on monday.
Our deposit's nonrefundable.
You know how mark is about that.
How? Cheap.
Cheap.
Paul probably couldn't go anyway.
If you want me to stay, i will.
O.
K.
I can't.
I just can't.
Go.
We'll take care of it.
You're not mad.
No.
Don't be mad.
I'm not mad.
Thank you.
Hope the amish wrap her in a quilt And beat her with a hoe.
[Weed film plays.]
If i knew we were going to work These kinds of hours, I'd have taken better care of myself years ago.
[Film rewinding.]
This is the shot they wanted me to use.
It stinks up the whole piece.
Don't you think? I don't care anymore.
It's 2 a.
M.
Don't you have a life? That's a great angle, But they said it makes the weed look too ominous.
Why didn't you put a string on that cockamamie weed? I'd have been home by 8:00.
Arrest me for taking pride in my work.
I'd like to kill you.
Let's get this over with.
Pick an angle, and let me go home.
I don't even know Just pick an angle! O.
K.
Let's go with that.
Good.
No, no, wait, wait.
Did you see citizen kane? Yeah.
Great movie.
Well, this ain't it.
This is weed.
I know.
But i'm justow! What's the matter? My tooth.
I think i got a cavity.
Why don't you eat more cookies? Leave me alone, would you? You know what? I don't like this.
Oh, boy.
It's no good.
It's no There's something What did that mean, i don't have a life? What? You said i don't have a life? Look at you.
You're young, you're not sleeping, You're never home, all you do is work, And your teeth are falling out.
Pick an angle.
This is what it takes to work for a big company.
Then maybe you shouldn't work for a big company.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Pick an angle.
I should quit? Pick an angle.
I should say, "you guys can't tell me what to do"? Hey, what did you do? I picked you an angle, kurosawa.
I don't like Moving on.
That's great, bobby.
That's great.
Leave it, leave it.
Let's get ready to shoot this thing.
It's 4 a.
M.
What are you doing? I-I'm working.
You're staring at a weed.
It's my job.
Come on, come to bed.
Stare at the weed in the morning.
Wait, wait.
Did you see it move? No.
The weed wafted.
It wafted ever so slightly, But it was a waft.
You need to relax, Get your mind off of work.
Let's see what else is on.
What are you doing? Let's just see.
Look, there we go.
It's your favorite infomercial.
The ab-Flexor.
You always wanted an ab-Flexor.
Look, a women's prison movie.
Very sexy.
Who, The woman on the left in the robe? Her name is mimsy.
And she's innocent.
She's been framed.
There's a big showdown in the shower.
Then there's a lot of bloodshed and tears.
In the end, justice will prevail.
You've seen this before? Part of it.
You know, i came this close to quitting today? You did? Yeah, but i didn't.
I'm going to stick it out.
I'm going to do my time.
Like mimsy.
But if i'm accused of something that i didn't do You may have to make a break for it.
I may.
I understand.
When you're done with weed, we have to go away.
See that angle? That's the angle i should've shot the weed from, From the weed's point of view.
Bye-Bye.
Now you're changing it? Fran and mark went to pennsylvania-Dutch country.
Doesn't that sound nice? I don't know when i can.
Did you call the travel agent? Not yet.
Ooh, gladiator movie.
Come on.
Come to bed.
If the hairstyles in this movie Are historically accurate, The pompadour's been around for 2,000 years.
All right.
You know what? Stare at your weed.
I'm finishing the pie.
O.
K.
, weed, Scene 8, take 47.
All right, thank you.
It took a whole jungle to make coppola go crazy.
For buchman, it's one weed.
Andaction! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
Hey, what's the matter? That was great.
You thought that was great? Yeah, i did.
Paul? Yes, hollis? We've done 47 takes.
Believe me when i say we have it.
Believe when i say we don't.
We don't.
We do.
I think we should take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
Everyone is tired and hungry.
Who's hungry? Here, have some chips.
Little chips, huh? Wasting of chips.
Can't let that one slide.
Get off the set, please.
Excuse me? Get off the set.
You're banned from my set.
You can't ban me.
It's a public street.
Oh, really? Is that your pen? Go get it.
Fetch! Fetch! Uh-Huh.
Oh, you're so clever.
Get off the set! I think you're being a little unreasonable.
Give me my chips.
You turned on me, bobby.
I never saw that coming.
You're kidding me, right? Get off the set.
Join your friend there.
I'll do this myself.
Take me up.
Everybody off the set.
You're all out of here.
You're banned.
Out.
Let's go, let's go.
Everybo Hey, what do you do here? I live here.
I don't care.
Get out.
Off the set.
Watch out for the weed! Jeez! Do you not see the weed? It's a huge weed.
All right.
This is better.
O.
K.
, now we can work.
Excuse me.
Uh Buddy? Pal? Excuse me.
I can't get down now.
O.
K.
, i may have overreacted.
Here we go.
Two knee braces, Two ankle braces, and the ace bandage.
Ow! Ow! It hurts, huh? You ever jump off a crane? I can't say i have.
I wouldn't rush to do it.
They driving you nuts over there, huh? I'm so ready to quit.
You don't want to do that.
It's a question of dignity.
It's a question of self-Respect and honor.
What's that on your sweater? Hmm? It's twinkie filling.
Excuse me.
Yes, ma'am.
Do you carry sweat socks? Right over there.
And what about rifles? Aisle 9.
Thank you.
I just think you're not thinking straight.
This isn't the time to be thinking about quitting your job.
Why are you not supporting me? I am supporting you.
Where would i find tetherballs? Those are right around the corner.
Uh-Huh.
How about blowguns? It's aisle 9.
Aisle 9.
Thank you.
You have no idea what it's like.
I'm showing them my movie tomorrow.
I guarantee you, whatever it is i like, They'll want to change.
So what? Sometimes in life, you got to sacrifice.
But to go to work every day and be miserable Where are you sitting right now? Where? Who built this place from a vacant lot? So? Your father.
You think he resented sacrificing for you? I would imagine so.
The answer is no.
Our parents went to work.
They didn't bellyache about it.
So we're not a very hardy generation.
Do you sell windbreakers? Aisle 2.
And hatchets? Aisle 9.
Aisle 9.
Boy, aisle 9 has really changed.
And so, ultimately, The weed survives.
[Man clears throat.]
Well, paul, Congratulations.
It was great.
Great, just great, paul.
Love it.
It's perfect.
Well, thank you.
You hear that, hollis? Wouldn't change a thing.
Wouldn't change a thing.
You hear that? Wouldn't change a thing.
Umahem nothing Sir? Maybe a few small things.
Uh-Huh.
Like what? [Mimicking hollis.]
like what? Frankly, The weed just isn't as sympathetic As we'd hoped it'd be.
Yes! I mentioned this to paul numerous times.
I have it here in my notes.
Be that as it may, Focusing on the weed, Couldn't the weed be nicer? Nicer? Nicer.
Nice-Er.
This is just our opinion.
Do what you think is right.
We'll do what i think is right.
What you just saw, i think it reflects I mean, that's what we want.
That's the essence of the weed's reality.
Uh What if we play up The street-Smart side of the weed? Yes! Yes, that's brilliant.
Make it street-Savvy, Kind of a happening weed.
Oh, and, uh, maybe give him a nemesis.
Yes.
I love that.
Could you shut up for one second? Maybemaybe what we need Is somebody to root against.
Root against? A nemesis for the weed.
What is that, like a cat or something? A cat? What, like a crazed gardener? Crazed gardener? What? This is what i have to work with.
These are the suggestions he makes.
I wasn't making a suggestion.
Yes, you were.
I was Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Please.
I must say i'm very disappointed In both of you.
We sent you out to make a film about a weed, A friendly, upbeat film That'd come in on schedule and on budget.
Will somebody please tell me How did this happen? I have it all right here in my notes.
What do you have? Everything.
You have nothing.
Show me.
Show me All right, all right.
Enough, enough! My notes.
Well I see no constructive solutions forthcoming From the two of you.
I, on the other hand, have a very simple fix.
How can they fire both of us? The place has no idea what it's doing.
It's all screwed up.
Their loss.
Their loss.
We were a great team.
We were the best, man.
Hollis and paul, Paul and hollis.
Forever.
You know, i, uh, I played it all wrong.
No, no, no, i did.
It was me.
I was too eager to give in.
I could've been more compromising.
Well, we couldn't help it.
You know what? That's who we are.
I'm just a straight-Arrow, By-The-Book, buttoned-Down Brown-Nose.
Yes, i am.
I have my faults, too.
I'm a stubborn, single-Minded, Fiercely uncompromising Pain in the ass? Mm-Hmm.
Well, here's to us.
Here's to a great filmmaker.
Aw And here's to Mm-Hmm? Um Mm-Hmm.
Here's to you.
Ohhall right.
I love you, man.
All right.
I really do.
O.
K.
You're right.
As of this moment, I'm turning over a new leaf.
Good for you.
What are you writing now, hollis? Oh Nothing.
I'll be the d.
A.
You be brockwell.
Now, mr.
Brockwell, on march 9th Shouldn't i swear to tell the truth, The whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you god? Yes.
No.
Mr.
Brockwell, on march 9th Aren't you going to ask me to state my name? Would you state your name, please? Lance brockwell.
Now, Mr.
Brockwell, On march 9th, Did you accept $14 From reputed russian mob boss Yuri "potatohead" bulkov? Yes.
Can i ask you something? Yes.
That's your brockwell? Yes.
It's lousy.
Better than yours.
I spoke to my friend Who's head of the massachusetts tourist board.
He'll get you guys a weekend getaway package.
Is that o.
K.
? I don't know when we can do it.
Paul's busy with his film.
Weed.
Weed.
That's very sweet.
O.
K.
, well let's get back to work.
One of us has to be bulkov.
You be bulkov.
I don't want to be bulkov.
I don't want to be bulkov.
Come on, honey.
You'll miss it.
You're going to watch it? How can i not watch it? It's good to see you happy again.
I'm thrilled.
Getting fired Is going to be the best thing That ever happened to me.
You're in such deep, deep denial.
It's not denial.
It's ecstasy.
You'll get something great.
Do i look worried? No.
That's what worries me.
Get fired with me.
We'll stay home happy as clams.
Can't.
Big mommy's got to bring home the bacon.
Hear that? Mama's going to bring home some bacon.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
What did you forget? I love you.
It's going to be fine.
I know.
You could never lose your job.
If you did, you'd find work in a minute 'Cause you're very good.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
How often is there a world premiere? You'll be late.
Doug'll cover for me.
If they left in the crane shot And didn't redo the narration And didn't put in that stupid music, It might not be that terrible.
That's the spirit, honey.
Next on the explorer channel, A weed is terrorized by a cat And a crazed gardener On the world premiere of the weed.
I need pie.
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K.
Is this your card? * tell me why * * i love you like i do * * tell me who * * can stop my heart as much as you * * let's take each other's hand * * as we jump into * * the final frontier * * i'm mad about you, baby ** Look at these brochures.
What do you got? Amish country, the poconos, Hershey, gettysburg.
Gettysburg? Is there an address? So why is everything in pennsylvania? What's wrong with pennsylvania? Pennsylvania's a fine state.
One of the original 13.
The keystone state.
Got quakers.
Got to love the quakers.
Quaker oats.
Quaker furniture.
That's shaker.
Whatever.
How about new york, the empire state? Many fine tourist attractions there.
Massachusetts always reliable.
Why don't we go to canada, Visit our neighbors to the north? Why are they any better than pennsylvania? Do you have a discount from work With pennsylvania tourism? Aren't you so smart? Why don't you say that? I didn't want to prejudice you against pennsylvania.
I'll call the travel agency guy.
When? I can't do it until weed is done.
They don't understand filmmaking as metaphor, Filmmaking as poetry.
As art.
Yes, but not in a mocking tone you just said.
I'm not mocking.
You wanted me to work for the explorer channel.
I did not.
This is the price you pay When you work for the man.
What are you, shaft? I only wanted you to work for the explorer channel If you wanted to work for the explorer channel.
If i didn't want to work there? Then i didn't want you to.
I don't remember that conversation.
It's true.
How do you remember? I eat right.
My memory is just as good eating crap.
O.
K.
, now, where's my pants? That's good.
O.
K.
, who's breathing here? We all are.
Somebody's nose is whistling.
[Everybody sniffing.]
Paul.
Yes, hollis.
You wearing a watch? I am.
Would you look at it? We've been trying to light this weed for two hours.
It's not easy to light a weed.
Right, bobby? I guess.
Thanks for backing me up.
What are you doing? Nothing.
You're casting a shadow on the weed.
I'm trying to light a weed.
Where's the continuity Wasn't this leaning to the south yesterday? Now it's leaning to the west.
Uh-Huh.
What's the difference? It's a weed.
It's the star of the show.
The film is called weed.
Put some string on it and hold it up.
You know what? It's not a puppet.
It's a living thing.
Put a string on this weed And be out of here in five minutes.
You're not ruining my film.
It's a weed.
It's a weed.
You're a weed.
Fine, i'm a weed.
By the way, Who ate all the doughnuts? This is a disaster.
All hell is going to break loose.
Why was brockwell taking money From a reputed crime boss? It was spare change for cab fare.
He left his wallet at home.
You think the grand jury will believe that? Oh, we're screwed.
Months of planning a campaign all up in smoke.
Maybe he won't get indicted.
Don't be so optimistic.
You'll get my hopes up.
There goes my entire weekend.
What were you going to do? I have no plans.
I have no life.
How about you? I used to have a life.
Hey, sorry i'm late.
You're not late.
You're early for tomorrow.
We ate your kung pao.
I had lunch with mark.
Two hours? I chewed slowly.
We have to work all weekend.
We are? What? Mark and i are going to the pennsylvania-Dutch country.
You're what? What made you decide on that? I was looking through your brochures.
Is something wrong? Paul and i were thinking Of going away this weekend.
You were? You were? We talked about it.
Come with us.
You've got to help me prep brockwell For a grand jury testimony on monday.
Our deposit's nonrefundable.
You know how mark is about that.
How? Cheap.
Cheap.
Paul probably couldn't go anyway.
If you want me to stay, i will.
O.
K.
I can't.
I just can't.
Go.
We'll take care of it.
You're not mad.
No.
Don't be mad.
I'm not mad.
Thank you.
Hope the amish wrap her in a quilt And beat her with a hoe.
[Weed film plays.]
If i knew we were going to work These kinds of hours, I'd have taken better care of myself years ago.
[Film rewinding.]
This is the shot they wanted me to use.
It stinks up the whole piece.
Don't you think? I don't care anymore.
It's 2 a.
M.
Don't you have a life? That's a great angle, But they said it makes the weed look too ominous.
Why didn't you put a string on that cockamamie weed? I'd have been home by 8:00.
Arrest me for taking pride in my work.
I'd like to kill you.
Let's get this over with.
Pick an angle, and let me go home.
I don't even know Just pick an angle! O.
K.
Let's go with that.
Good.
No, no, wait, wait.
Did you see citizen kane? Yeah.
Great movie.
Well, this ain't it.
This is weed.
I know.
But i'm justow! What's the matter? My tooth.
I think i got a cavity.
Why don't you eat more cookies? Leave me alone, would you? You know what? I don't like this.
Oh, boy.
It's no good.
It's no There's something What did that mean, i don't have a life? What? You said i don't have a life? Look at you.
You're young, you're not sleeping, You're never home, all you do is work, And your teeth are falling out.
Pick an angle.
This is what it takes to work for a big company.
Then maybe you shouldn't work for a big company.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Pick an angle.
I should quit? Pick an angle.
I should say, "you guys can't tell me what to do"? Hey, what did you do? I picked you an angle, kurosawa.
I don't like Moving on.
That's great, bobby.
That's great.
Leave it, leave it.
Let's get ready to shoot this thing.
It's 4 a.
M.
What are you doing? I-I'm working.
You're staring at a weed.
It's my job.
Come on, come to bed.
Stare at the weed in the morning.
Wait, wait.
Did you see it move? No.
The weed wafted.
It wafted ever so slightly, But it was a waft.
You need to relax, Get your mind off of work.
Let's see what else is on.
What are you doing? Let's just see.
Look, there we go.
It's your favorite infomercial.
The ab-Flexor.
You always wanted an ab-Flexor.
Look, a women's prison movie.
Very sexy.
Who, The woman on the left in the robe? Her name is mimsy.
And she's innocent.
She's been framed.
There's a big showdown in the shower.
Then there's a lot of bloodshed and tears.
In the end, justice will prevail.
You've seen this before? Part of it.
You know, i came this close to quitting today? You did? Yeah, but i didn't.
I'm going to stick it out.
I'm going to do my time.
Like mimsy.
But if i'm accused of something that i didn't do You may have to make a break for it.
I may.
I understand.
When you're done with weed, we have to go away.
See that angle? That's the angle i should've shot the weed from, From the weed's point of view.
Bye-Bye.
Now you're changing it? Fran and mark went to pennsylvania-Dutch country.
Doesn't that sound nice? I don't know when i can.
Did you call the travel agent? Not yet.
Ooh, gladiator movie.
Come on.
Come to bed.
If the hairstyles in this movie Are historically accurate, The pompadour's been around for 2,000 years.
All right.
You know what? Stare at your weed.
I'm finishing the pie.
O.
K.
, weed, Scene 8, take 47.
All right, thank you.
It took a whole jungle to make coppola go crazy.
For buchman, it's one weed.
Andaction! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
Hey, what's the matter? That was great.
You thought that was great? Yeah, i did.
Paul? Yes, hollis? We've done 47 takes.
Believe me when i say we have it.
Believe when i say we don't.
We don't.
We do.
I think we should take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
Everyone is tired and hungry.
Who's hungry? Here, have some chips.
Little chips, huh? Wasting of chips.
Can't let that one slide.
Get off the set, please.
Excuse me? Get off the set.
You're banned from my set.
You can't ban me.
It's a public street.
Oh, really? Is that your pen? Go get it.
Fetch! Fetch! Uh-Huh.
Oh, you're so clever.
Get off the set! I think you're being a little unreasonable.
Give me my chips.
You turned on me, bobby.
I never saw that coming.
You're kidding me, right? Get off the set.
Join your friend there.
I'll do this myself.
Take me up.
Everybody off the set.
You're all out of here.
You're banned.
Out.
Let's go, let's go.
Everybo Hey, what do you do here? I live here.
I don't care.
Get out.
Off the set.
Watch out for the weed! Jeez! Do you not see the weed? It's a huge weed.
All right.
This is better.
O.
K.
, now we can work.
Excuse me.
Uh Buddy? Pal? Excuse me.
I can't get down now.
O.
K.
, i may have overreacted.
Here we go.
Two knee braces, Two ankle braces, and the ace bandage.
Ow! Ow! It hurts, huh? You ever jump off a crane? I can't say i have.
I wouldn't rush to do it.
They driving you nuts over there, huh? I'm so ready to quit.
You don't want to do that.
It's a question of dignity.
It's a question of self-Respect and honor.
What's that on your sweater? Hmm? It's twinkie filling.
Excuse me.
Yes, ma'am.
Do you carry sweat socks? Right over there.
And what about rifles? Aisle 9.
Thank you.
I just think you're not thinking straight.
This isn't the time to be thinking about quitting your job.
Why are you not supporting me? I am supporting you.
Where would i find tetherballs? Those are right around the corner.
Uh-Huh.
How about blowguns? It's aisle 9.
Aisle 9.
Thank you.
You have no idea what it's like.
I'm showing them my movie tomorrow.
I guarantee you, whatever it is i like, They'll want to change.
So what? Sometimes in life, you got to sacrifice.
But to go to work every day and be miserable Where are you sitting right now? Where? Who built this place from a vacant lot? So? Your father.
You think he resented sacrificing for you? I would imagine so.
The answer is no.
Our parents went to work.
They didn't bellyache about it.
So we're not a very hardy generation.
Do you sell windbreakers? Aisle 2.
And hatchets? Aisle 9.
Aisle 9.
Boy, aisle 9 has really changed.
And so, ultimately, The weed survives.
[Man clears throat.]
Well, paul, Congratulations.
It was great.
Great, just great, paul.
Love it.
It's perfect.
Well, thank you.
You hear that, hollis? Wouldn't change a thing.
Wouldn't change a thing.
You hear that? Wouldn't change a thing.
Umahem nothing Sir? Maybe a few small things.
Uh-Huh.
Like what? [Mimicking hollis.]
like what? Frankly, The weed just isn't as sympathetic As we'd hoped it'd be.
Yes! I mentioned this to paul numerous times.
I have it here in my notes.
Be that as it may, Focusing on the weed, Couldn't the weed be nicer? Nicer? Nicer.
Nice-Er.
This is just our opinion.
Do what you think is right.
We'll do what i think is right.
What you just saw, i think it reflects I mean, that's what we want.
That's the essence of the weed's reality.
Uh What if we play up The street-Smart side of the weed? Yes! Yes, that's brilliant.
Make it street-Savvy, Kind of a happening weed.
Oh, and, uh, maybe give him a nemesis.
Yes.
I love that.
Could you shut up for one second? Maybemaybe what we need Is somebody to root against.
Root against? A nemesis for the weed.
What is that, like a cat or something? A cat? What, like a crazed gardener? Crazed gardener? What? This is what i have to work with.
These are the suggestions he makes.
I wasn't making a suggestion.
Yes, you were.
I was Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Please.
I must say i'm very disappointed In both of you.
We sent you out to make a film about a weed, A friendly, upbeat film That'd come in on schedule and on budget.
Will somebody please tell me How did this happen? I have it all right here in my notes.
What do you have? Everything.
You have nothing.
Show me.
Show me All right, all right.
Enough, enough! My notes.
Well I see no constructive solutions forthcoming From the two of you.
I, on the other hand, have a very simple fix.
How can they fire both of us? The place has no idea what it's doing.
It's all screwed up.
Their loss.
Their loss.
We were a great team.
We were the best, man.
Hollis and paul, Paul and hollis.
Forever.
You know, i, uh, I played it all wrong.
No, no, no, i did.
It was me.
I was too eager to give in.
I could've been more compromising.
Well, we couldn't help it.
You know what? That's who we are.
I'm just a straight-Arrow, By-The-Book, buttoned-Down Brown-Nose.
Yes, i am.
I have my faults, too.
I'm a stubborn, single-Minded, Fiercely uncompromising Pain in the ass? Mm-Hmm.
Well, here's to us.
Here's to a great filmmaker.
Aw And here's to Mm-Hmm? Um Mm-Hmm.
Here's to you.
Ohhall right.
I love you, man.
All right.
I really do.
O.
K.
You're right.
As of this moment, I'm turning over a new leaf.
Good for you.
What are you writing now, hollis? Oh Nothing.
I'll be the d.
A.
You be brockwell.
Now, mr.
Brockwell, on march 9th Shouldn't i swear to tell the truth, The whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you god? Yes.
No.
Mr.
Brockwell, on march 9th Aren't you going to ask me to state my name? Would you state your name, please? Lance brockwell.
Now, Mr.
Brockwell, On march 9th, Did you accept $14 From reputed russian mob boss Yuri "potatohead" bulkov? Yes.
Can i ask you something? Yes.
That's your brockwell? Yes.
It's lousy.
Better than yours.
I spoke to my friend Who's head of the massachusetts tourist board.
He'll get you guys a weekend getaway package.
Is that o.
K.
? I don't know when we can do it.
Paul's busy with his film.
Weed.
Weed.
That's very sweet.
O.
K.
, well let's get back to work.
One of us has to be bulkov.
You be bulkov.
I don't want to be bulkov.
I don't want to be bulkov.
Come on, honey.
You'll miss it.
You're going to watch it? How can i not watch it? It's good to see you happy again.
I'm thrilled.
Getting fired Is going to be the best thing That ever happened to me.
You're in such deep, deep denial.
It's not denial.
It's ecstasy.
You'll get something great.
Do i look worried? No.
That's what worries me.
Get fired with me.
We'll stay home happy as clams.
Can't.
Big mommy's got to bring home the bacon.
Hear that? Mama's going to bring home some bacon.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
What did you forget? I love you.
It's going to be fine.
I know.
You could never lose your job.
If you did, you'd find work in a minute 'Cause you're very good.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
How often is there a world premiere? You'll be late.
Doug'll cover for me.
If they left in the crane shot And didn't redo the narration And didn't put in that stupid music, It might not be that terrible.
That's the spirit, honey.
Next on the explorer channel, A weed is terrorized by a cat And a crazed gardener On the world premiere of the weed.
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