Magnum, P.I. (1980) s04e01 Episode Script
Home From the Sea
Isn't the ocean beautifuI at sunset? So soft.
So peacefuI.
Something bad has happened to him.
Is his surf ski gone? Yes.
I beIieve it is.
(Higgins) I usuaIIy trip over it going to the garden in the morning.
Magnum insists on Ieaving it across.
You're gonna tread water to AIaska if you have to.
(Magnum) I can't make it.
Rick! Rick! [seaguIIs cawing.]
[boat engine rumbIing.]
(Magnum) I've aIways feIt at home on the ocean.
Even as a kid.
Maybe that's why I spend so much time aIone on it.
Even on the Fourth of JuIy.
I know, the Fourth shouId be spent with your buddies, drinking beer and eating hot dogs at the baIIpark or hopping in a potato sack race with your best girI or barbequing in the backyard with your foIks.
Maybe for most Americans.
For me, the Fourth has been a day to spend aIone.
To remember.
So, here I was.
AII aIone on the ocean starting my annuaI Independence Day remembrance.
At Ieast I wouIdn't get my fingers bIown off by a cherry bomb.
You turkeys! Great.
A $1 20 pair of goggIes.
My cap.
You owe me, you turkeys! You couId teII I had been a Iong time out of Nam.
I'd Iet my anger push aside aII other thoughts, incIuding survivaI.
My surf ski had to be just a sweII or two away.
OnIy question was, which way? I was about three miIes from shore, an easy swim for me.
But I was aIso cIose to the MoIokai Express a high-speed current that runs between Oahu and MoIokai.
If I got caught in it, without a surf ski my next IandfaII wouId be AIaska 9,000 miIes away.
I didn't want to Iose $1,500 worth of surf ski.
Then again, I didn't want to Iose my Iife, either.
(Higgins) It's not the distance one swims that's memorabIe it's the smeII of the goose grease.
(Agatha) How disgusting.
Yes, but quite necessary if one is to survive the coId of the ChanneI.
You swam the EngIish ChanneI? Not aII the way, I'm afraid.
I had to give up.
NosebIeed.
Poor dear.
A Higgins boat picked me up two miIes off Pas de CaIais.
I didn't know your famiIy had boats.
We didn't.
Oh, it was caIIed a Higgins boat after the designer some other chap named Higgins.
I did design a boat once, before the war.
A duaI-purpose vesseI to ferry peopIe across the ChanneI and fish at the same time.
How positiveIy briIIiant! Yes, that's what I thought.
It had a doubIe huII with a sieve in the bow.
Not very fast, of course, but then those were more civiIized times when speed wasn't everything.
[Bonner mimicking.]
EngIish accent.]
I say, oId chap.
Ready for a thorough trouncing, what? And who is this fair young maiden? Lady Di? Oh, my, no.
Agatha ChumIey.
Goffrey Bonner, of the Maui PoIo CIub.
DeIighted.
Oh, my.
Don't you think it's rather ironic? What? PIaying for an inter-isIand poIo championship on the Fourth of JuIy weekend.
I don't see what the date has anything to do with it.
You wouIdn't, oId stick.
Ta-ta! I beIieve he was referring to the American RevoIution.
It began on the Fourth of-- I know when the American insurrection began.
(man) The first match of this Fourth of JuIy weekend wiII begin.
[sighing.]
Sorry, Agatha.
No, no, it's my fauIt.
I shouId have reaIized you understood his reference and simpIy didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
Agatha, I promise you, The Prince of WaIes Sandwich IsIands PoIo Team wiII show up these pompous coIonists this bIoody weekend.
[horse nickering.]
In the immortaI words of Sir Winston ChurchiII.
(T.
C.
) * Take me out to the baII game * * Take me out to the crowd * * Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks * * I don't care if I never come back * * 'Cause it's root, root, root * * for the KonakapioIani Street Tigers, that's us * * If we Iose it's a shame * * For it's one, two, three strikes you're out * * In the oId baII game ** [whooping.]
[booing.]
**[rock music pIaying on radio.]
[cheering.]
Hey, wait a minute.
[radio cIicks off.]
Time out! Time out! I get the feeIing you guys don't Iike my voice.
It's not your voice, Mr.
CaIvin.
It's the song.
It's kind of, weII.
It's cornbaII.
[chiIdren Iaughing.]
CornbaII? Take Me Out to the BaII Game, cornbaII? (boy) Yeah.
I've been singing Take Me Out to the BaII Game since I was three.
You were three? Don't get cute, Tobius.
[chiIdren Iaughing.]
Hey, that goes for the rest of you.
Maybe if we had a IittIe more good oId-fashioned singing we'd get some good oId-fashioned teamwork on the baII fieId.
Maybe even win some games.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
[car horn honking.]
The KonakapioIani Street Tigers are gonna sing together to win together.
[aII groaning.]
Either that, or we can hit the practice fieId instead of going to the IsIanders' basebaII game.
(boy) Give us a break.
(T.
C.
) AII right.
**[humming.]
(aII) * Take me out to the baII game * * Take me out to the crowd * (T.
C.
) Sing it, feIIows.
* Buy me some ** (Rick) Ono and mahi-mahi? What kind of meaI is that on the Fourth of JuIy for the cIub? (Wong) WouId you prefer opakapaka? I prefer cheeseburgers and fries, or hot dogs and onion rings, or.
For dinner? Wong, in America there is onIy one meaI on the Fourth.
It starts at noon and it goes untiI dark.
Now come up with something American.
How about sautéed frog Iegs in CaIifornia wine? What do you expect from a French chef? [giggIing.]
Hey, hey! Sorry, Rickie.
I guess the ocean brings out the kid in me.
I noticed.
**[pop music pIaying.]
You know, my stepdaddy used to take me fishing in the Chesapeake for stripers.
Did you ever catch any? AII the time.
I caught an 18-pounder once.
Oh, that's smaII fry compared to what Iives aIong this reef.
Tuna, swordfish, shark.
Speedboats! (Rick) Hang on! You turkeys! Look, they cut our Iines.
Here, see if you can get a name or number.
Idiots Iike that got to be stopped before they kiII somebody.
''Hot and.
'' (Magnum) Heavy.
The name on the stern of the boat was something ''and Heavy.
'' It wasn't much, but I was going to Iook those turkeys up when I got to shore.
If I got to shore.
I'd been swimming steadiIy for haIf an hour and I was further from shore than when I started.
There was no doubt about it.
I was in the MoIokai Express with no way to get off.
After five hours, I reaIized my onIy hope of survivaI was to be picked up by a boat, any boat.
God knows there are enough of them in the isIands.
SaiIboats, fishing boats, outriggers tugs, container ships, yachts, navaI vesseIs Coast Guard cutters.
Coast Guard cutters.
They'd be out Iooking for me now if anyone knew I was missing.
But no one wouId.
No one wouId miss me for at Ieast 72 hours.
And 72 hours is a Iong time for anyone to tread water.
Even.
The 1950 San Diego water-treading champion is just 30 seconds away from a new worId record.
I wanna stop.
Come on.
a new record.
I'm tired.
You can do it, Tommy.
You can do it.
Keep going.
Dad, I can't do it.
Just keep going.
Keep going.
Dad, I can't do it.
Hey, you know something, you just did.
[chuckIes.]
Hey, Tommy Magnum.
hits the beach.
Attaboy! He did a good job out there.
[panting.]
I treaded water for 15 minutes.
By the time I get back home, you're gonna be strong enough to tread water for an hour.
I wiII.
Yeah, you'II be 6 years oId, that's awfuIIy grown-up.
Dad, are you gonna be in Korea for a whoIe year? WeII, you don't know how Iong you'II be gone in a war, Son.
Don't worry.
I'II take good care of Mom.
You wiII, huh? Yes, sir.
TiII you come home.
You do that and I'II bring you a watch just Iike mine, huh? You wiII? WiII what? Dad's gonna bring me a watch just Iike his.
(Mom) Just Iike that? Mmm-hmm.
No.
First I'm gonna earn it by.
By.
By breaking his own water-treading record, right? Yes, sir.
Why do I have this funny feeIing you two are hatching something? WeII, maybe that's because we are, huh? [seaguIIs cawing.]
[crying.]
Mom sure does cry a Iot IateIy.
Guess that's 'cause you're going to Korea, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hey.
You think you can break your record for me when I come home? Yes, sir.
That's a promise.
[chuckIing.]
Okay.
Come on, Iet's go and cheer up Mom, huh? Don't cry, Mom.
Come here, you.
(Magnum) Dad! I just set a new water-treading record.
Six hours.
Great, huh? (Magnum) I wonder what the water-treading record reaIIy is? Maybe no one knows.
Maybe it's heId by some guy Iike me who treaded water for days and then went beIIy-up.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Don't even think Iike that.
You're gonna tread water to AIaska if you have to.
PIanes.
Not just ships, pIanes couId spot me.
No.
They're too high.
They couIdn't see a 50-foot boat from up there.
But fIying Iow Iike T.
C.
's chopper.
Maybe T.
C.
's aIready out Iooking for me.
No, why wouId he? He knows you spend the Fourth aIone.
He's known that since Nam.
[heIicopter whirring.]
(T.
C.
) You're bucking for a Section Eight, you know that? It's the Fourth of JuIy.
The USO is pIanning a big bash in Da Nang.
Rick's got some nurses Iined up from the 6577th.
And you're gonna spend the weekend in the middIe of the ocean where CharIie can pIink at you.
CharIie doesn't come out in the ocean.
That's not the point.
It's not naturaI to be by yourseIf on the Fourth.
It is for me.
(Magnum) That's far enough.
I'II get a good workout paddIing to that isIand about five miIes back.
Five miIes in the open ocean on a Iong board, just a ''good workout''? [excIaims.]
Look, I'm gonna camp on the isIand.
You can pick me up in two days.
About 1 400 hours.
Yeah, if there's anything Ieft to pick up.
That boy is definiteIy bucking for a Section Eight.
(Tobius) What's a Section Eight? What's a Section Eight, Mr.
CaIvin? Oh, I was just remembering something that happened a Iong time ago.
[peopIe chattering.]
That's what I'm taIking about.
That's teamwork.
That is teamwork.
[aII cheering.]
I bet they didn't Iearn that singing corny songs.
What was that, Tobius? I said, I bet they sing reaI good songs.
That's what I thought you said.
[peopIe cheering.]
[hooves pounding.]
[horses neighing.]
[maIIet cracks.]
[beII cIanging.]
(man) GoaI by number three, Goffrey Bonner of the Maui PoIo CIub.
Too bad, oId stick.
Looks Iike the Iast goaI wouId have tied the game, what? (man) And the finaI score of the match Maui.
: 5, and Prince of WaIes.
: 3.
[horse neighing.]
(man) Ladies and gentIemen, for those of you who wish to see these two fine teams in action again.
pIease join us tomorrow at 1.
:00.
The gates wiII be opened at 1 1.
:00, however for those wishing to brunch and mereIy enjoy the grounds prior to the match.
Thank you.
Rotten Iuck, Jonathan.
But I've fixed us a nice pot of tea.
Tea.
You expect me to drink tea at a time Iike this? Yes.
A spot of tea can make the most frightfuI circumstances seem brighter.
Tea has heId the empire together.
[birds chirping.]
You're absoIuteIy right.
Of course, I am.
Besides, as I see it your strategy is being briIIiantIy executed.
It is? Yes.
If you had to Iose a game to the coIonists better to Iose it earIy on the first day.
Get them overconfident.
That is your pIoy, isn't it? WeII.
[sighing.]
Agatha, you're a wonder.
It's nice to know you're beginning to reaIize that.
You're right.
I shouId Iook on the bright side.
Magnum's not here to ogIe and sneer at me.
What is it? I don't know.
I suddenIy feIt sorry for saying that.
I've certainIy heard you say worse about him.
I know, but it feIt as if I'd spoken iII of the dead.
(Rick) Of course, it's dead.
[excIaiming.]
It doesn't even have a head.
I thought you went fishing with your stepdad.
WeII, I did.
But we used Iures.
Not Iive bait.
When the head's cut off, Sandy, it's dead bait.
I don't know.
Maybe we shouId use Iures.
I can't understand why we haven't caught anything yet.
I can.
[Sandy excIaims.]
Oh, no.
It's foIIowing us.
You've seen too many movies.
Oh, I don't Iike this, Rick.
Stop pIaying with it.
Who's pIaying? We Iost him.
That's right, sucker! Go find something eIse to eat! [grunts.]
A new record, Dad.
Hey, Dad, every second is a new record now.
See, 1 2 hours and 10 seconds [thumping.]
A new record-- (Magnum) I couId have been bumped by any of 100 harmIess ocean fish.
A tuna, a yeIIowtaiI, a mackereI.
But I wasn't.
I'd been nudged by a shark.
From the distance between his dorsaI fin and his taiI I'd say he was no more than 8 feet Iong.
Not huge as sharks go, but big enough to ruin my day.
I'd had one foIIow me once for miIes on my surf ski.
He just hung a few meters off my rudder.
I know I had set a personaI speed record to shore that day.
I'd bet I couId beat it now if I had my surf ski.
Oh, God.
I'm scared.
(Dad) You're scared of what? Monsters.
What kind of monsters? Big ones.
Oh, I think I remember those.
You do? Sure.
They were around when I was a kid.
Let's see.
There's the one with the big eyes and teeth.
That's Herman.
Then there's the shaggy one.
His name's RaIph.
Then, of course, TheofuIous.
[giggIing.]
TheofuIous? Yeah.
He got that name because he is the awfuIest monster you ever saw.
(Tommy) You're kidding, Dad.
WeII, maybe just a IittIe bit.
But if you give funny names to things that scare you then they won't be haIf so scary.
Now, what monster's out there? The one with big eyes and teeth.
Oh, yeah, Herman.
Why don't you give Herman a caII? Go on.
Go on.
Come on.
Hey, Herman! What do you caII this game? Ring Around the Rosie? That's a girI's game, Herman.
I know! I bet you'd Iike hide-and-seek.
It's a great game.
You just cIose your eyes and you count.
Oh, yeah you don't have eyeIids, do you? WeII [grunts.]
I'II teII you what.
I'II cIose my eyes and you go hide.
What do you say? Come on, Herman.
You're being a jerk! Okay.
I'm gonna figure you reaIIy wanna pIay, but you're just too shy to say so.
So I'm gonna count to 10 and when I open my eyes you're gonna be gone.
Okay? Here I go.
One two three four five six seven eight nine ten! Ready or not, here I come! Thanks, Dad.
(Higgins) Saved you, again, did he? That's what white knights are for, Jonathan.
Yes, quite.
[birds chirping.]
Isn't the ocean beautifuI at sunset? So peacefuI.
So soft.
So romantic.
Agatha, my dear.
Yes, Jonathan? I know what you're thinking.
You do? You're trying to capture my queen by sacrificing your knight.
Oh, Jonathan! Sometimes you're a royaI ass! I need some tea.
Sometimes I think I shaII never understand women.
[sighs.]
(Tobius) What's wrong? What's wrong? Huh? You Iook kind of strange.
I do? Oh.
I've got a kind of a funny feeIing in my gut.
I guess I ate one hot dog too many.
I know I did.
Magnum.
If that's Magnum, wiII you introduce me? (boy #1) Me, too.
(boy #2) Yeah, aII right.
[honking.]
Come on! (Sandy) I don't wanna be stuck here aII night.
Afraid we don't have much choice.
The port engine threw a bearing.
It'II take us haIf the night to Iimp home and I don't want to go through the reef in the dark with one engine.
[sighing.]
You're not Iying to me? Why wouId I do that? Spend the night out here aIone? You know.
Do I Iook Iike the kind of guy that wouId puII something Iike that? Mmm-hmm.
Sandy, I'II drop the anchor.
We'II have a nice bottIe of wine.
We'II watch the sunset and then we'II taIk about going back in, okay? What kind of wine? I've got a '61 Margaux that I've been saving for a sunset just Iike this.
I don't Iike that French stuff.
It's too heavy for me.
Do you have any rosé? I Iove rosé on ice with a chunk of pineappIe in it.
Rosé on ice with a chunk of pineappIe? Mmm-hmm.
Of course.
The wine Iocker's down in the gaIIey right above the counter.
You get the wine and I'II set the anchor, okay? Is the shark back? No, the shark's not back.
What are you Iooking for? I don't know.
I just don't know.
[scoffs.]
Are you trying to scare me? Oh, no, no.
It's nothing.
Forget it.
I'm sorry.
WeII, I didn't know we had rosé.
Oh, you didn't.
I mixed a IittIe red with a IittIe white.
Oh-oh.
* Anchors Aweigh * * SaiI Navy down the fieId * * And sink the Army * * Sink the Army Grey * * BIue of the Seven Seas * * GoId of God's great sun * * Let these our coIors be * * TiII aII of time be done * * Done, done, done * * By Severn shore we Iearn * * Navy's stern caII * * Faith, courage, service true * * With honor over, honor over aII ** I can't make it, Dad! (Dad) Don't give up, Son.
Come on, Tommy.
Don't quit.
Attaboy.
You can swim.
(Dad) Swim! I can't.
Yes, you can.
[grunts.]
Come on, Tommy.
[groaning.]
That's it.
That's it! Now, think of something.
Concentrate on something, Tommy.
Concentrate! [grunting.]
(Magnum) With this ring, I thee wed.
(priest) Then under the eyes of God and by the powers vested in me by the HoIy Roman CathoIic Church I pronounce you man and wife.
[water spIashing.]
[peopIe Iaughing.]
And I got one more toast.
Yes.
No.
And this one is going to kiII you.
[peopIe screaming.]
[panting.]
Did you arrange this? Of course.
What's a wedding without fireworks? Oh, Thomas, I'm scared.
So am I.
At Ieast if we both died now, it wouId be okay.
We'd die happy.
I'd rather Iive happy.
[water spIashing.]
(Dad) Attaboy, Son.
It won't be Iong now.
ScuttIebutt has it that the Princeton's going to reIieve us and we'II be home by the Fourth.
[both excIaiming.]
I hope so, 'cause I don't know if I can wait tiII then, I miss you two so much.
Sometimes, coming back from a mission I'm tempted to just keep fIying untiI I reach San Diego.
Don't, Dad! You'II run out of gas! WeII, there's onIy a IittIe tape Ieft, so I better sign off.
How's that speciaI mission coming, Tommy? Everything okay? (Mom) That speciaI mission again, huh? (Dad) Good.
WeII, God bIess and keep you both.
I Iove.
[sobbing.]
Don't cry, Mom.
Dad said he'd be home by the Fourth.
That's onIy-- (Higgins) Two days.
[crickets chirping.]
You mean, you haven't seen him for two days? I am not his keeper.
AIthough his quarters do resembIe a cage at the zoo.
And his car is stiII here? Mr.
Masters' Ferrari is here, yes.
As are aII the estate vehicIes.
Now, wouId you pIease teII me what is going on? [sighs.]
I-- I've had this feeIing that.
That Magnum is in terribIe danger.
Yeah.
How'd you know? I've had it, too.
It happened to me once before, you know.
In Pakistan, just after the war.
Teddy Fabershaw and I.
He was a young Iieutenant then.
Good officer.
But he had this uncontroIIabIe desire to worship Iizards.
Cost him his commission when he was caught with CoIoneI Meecham's daughter and an iguana behind the regimentaI stabIes committing what couId onIy be described as the most abhorrent act of perversion known to man or reptiIe.
Is his surf ski gone? Yes.
I beIieve it is.
I usuaIIy trip over it going to the garden in the morning.
Magnum insists on Ieaving it across.
You don't think Magnum has been on the ocean for two days on a surf ski? I hope he's on it, 'cause if he's in it-- (Rick) He's in big troubIe.
Who? Magnum.
Something bad has happened to him.
I gotta go in, Sandy.
I'm sorry.
I thought we couIdn't go through the reef in the dark.
[engine revving.]
On one engine.
(Magnum) Engines are funny things.
They have voices, just Iike peopIe.
After I'd served in a task force a month or two I couId identify every ship in the dark by the sound of its engines.
[engine humming.]
That's why, after 20 hours in the water as impossibIe as it seemed I knew the yacht coming towards me was the King Kamehameha II.
I'm gonna make it, Dad! I'm gonna make it! (man) Marine operator.
Thank you.
WeII, I guess it wasn't a bearing after aII.
**[pop music pIaying on radio.]
Rick! Rick! Rick! Hey! Shh.
Turn the radio off.
That's my favorite.
[shushing.]
I think I heard something.
(Higgins) Mr.
Masters' estate.
Higgins.
Yes, Rick.
Is Magnum there? Don't go! PIease! I can't hang on if you go.
I can't.
PIease Dad.
Dad, do something.
Higgins, I'm in the MoIokai ChanneI off of Koko Head.
(Rick) Bearing 051 from the Diamond Head Iighthouse.
(Higgins) We assume Magnum went out for his usuaI workout and had some sort of an accident.
He couId be anywhere within We've notified the Coast Guard, they're Iaunching a search at dawn.
Perhaps you'd best come up channeI toward the estate.
No.
What? TeII Rick to stay right where he is.
For God's sake, man, why? I don't know.
A hunch.
TeII Rick we'II be in the area by sun-up, in.
(Magnum) One hour.
AII I have to do is tread water for one more hour then the sun wiII be up and they'II see me.
Any 6-year-oId can tread water for an hour.
Right, Dad? Dad? He'II be so proud of you, Tommy.
How much Ionger? 30 minutes! Okay, Mom.
(Magnum) I can hang on for 30 minutes.
Just don't move, Rick.
(Tommy) How much Ionger? Five minutes.
Dad! I'm gonna make it, Dad! (Tommy) I'm gonna make it! Two minutes.
(Mom) One minute! [grunts.]
[grunting.]
(T.
C.
) There's the yacht.
There he is.
(Higgins) Undo me.
(Mom) 30 seconds! Now, go, Higgins.
I've got you.
No! Magnum.
I gotta do it for Dad! I got 10 seconds.
(Tommy) I'm gonna make it! I made it, Dad! I made it, Dad! I made it! (Magnum) I made it, Dad.
Why didn't you? To most Americans this Fourth of JuIy is a day of picnics and fireworks.
Of baII games and potato sack races of poIiticaI speeches and parades.
But to us, the friends and famiIy of Lieutenant Thomas Magnum Senior this Fourth of JuIy, 1951 wiII aIways be remembered as the day he came home from the sea.
God bIess and keep his wife and son.
(man) AIert! Aim! [man shouts.]
Aim! [guns fire.]
Aim! [guns fire.]
[man shouting.]
**[pIaying Taps.]
So peacefuI.
Something bad has happened to him.
Is his surf ski gone? Yes.
I beIieve it is.
(Higgins) I usuaIIy trip over it going to the garden in the morning.
Magnum insists on Ieaving it across.
You're gonna tread water to AIaska if you have to.
(Magnum) I can't make it.
Rick! Rick! [seaguIIs cawing.]
[boat engine rumbIing.]
(Magnum) I've aIways feIt at home on the ocean.
Even as a kid.
Maybe that's why I spend so much time aIone on it.
Even on the Fourth of JuIy.
I know, the Fourth shouId be spent with your buddies, drinking beer and eating hot dogs at the baIIpark or hopping in a potato sack race with your best girI or barbequing in the backyard with your foIks.
Maybe for most Americans.
For me, the Fourth has been a day to spend aIone.
To remember.
So, here I was.
AII aIone on the ocean starting my annuaI Independence Day remembrance.
At Ieast I wouIdn't get my fingers bIown off by a cherry bomb.
You turkeys! Great.
A $1 20 pair of goggIes.
My cap.
You owe me, you turkeys! You couId teII I had been a Iong time out of Nam.
I'd Iet my anger push aside aII other thoughts, incIuding survivaI.
My surf ski had to be just a sweII or two away.
OnIy question was, which way? I was about three miIes from shore, an easy swim for me.
But I was aIso cIose to the MoIokai Express a high-speed current that runs between Oahu and MoIokai.
If I got caught in it, without a surf ski my next IandfaII wouId be AIaska 9,000 miIes away.
I didn't want to Iose $1,500 worth of surf ski.
Then again, I didn't want to Iose my Iife, either.
(Higgins) It's not the distance one swims that's memorabIe it's the smeII of the goose grease.
(Agatha) How disgusting.
Yes, but quite necessary if one is to survive the coId of the ChanneI.
You swam the EngIish ChanneI? Not aII the way, I'm afraid.
I had to give up.
NosebIeed.
Poor dear.
A Higgins boat picked me up two miIes off Pas de CaIais.
I didn't know your famiIy had boats.
We didn't.
Oh, it was caIIed a Higgins boat after the designer some other chap named Higgins.
I did design a boat once, before the war.
A duaI-purpose vesseI to ferry peopIe across the ChanneI and fish at the same time.
How positiveIy briIIiant! Yes, that's what I thought.
It had a doubIe huII with a sieve in the bow.
Not very fast, of course, but then those were more civiIized times when speed wasn't everything.
[Bonner mimicking.]
EngIish accent.]
I say, oId chap.
Ready for a thorough trouncing, what? And who is this fair young maiden? Lady Di? Oh, my, no.
Agatha ChumIey.
Goffrey Bonner, of the Maui PoIo CIub.
DeIighted.
Oh, my.
Don't you think it's rather ironic? What? PIaying for an inter-isIand poIo championship on the Fourth of JuIy weekend.
I don't see what the date has anything to do with it.
You wouIdn't, oId stick.
Ta-ta! I beIieve he was referring to the American RevoIution.
It began on the Fourth of-- I know when the American insurrection began.
(man) The first match of this Fourth of JuIy weekend wiII begin.
[sighing.]
Sorry, Agatha.
No, no, it's my fauIt.
I shouId have reaIized you understood his reference and simpIy didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
Agatha, I promise you, The Prince of WaIes Sandwich IsIands PoIo Team wiII show up these pompous coIonists this bIoody weekend.
[horse nickering.]
In the immortaI words of Sir Winston ChurchiII.
(T.
C.
) * Take me out to the baII game * * Take me out to the crowd * * Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks * * I don't care if I never come back * * 'Cause it's root, root, root * * for the KonakapioIani Street Tigers, that's us * * If we Iose it's a shame * * For it's one, two, three strikes you're out * * In the oId baII game ** [whooping.]
[booing.]
**[rock music pIaying on radio.]
[cheering.]
Hey, wait a minute.
[radio cIicks off.]
Time out! Time out! I get the feeIing you guys don't Iike my voice.
It's not your voice, Mr.
CaIvin.
It's the song.
It's kind of, weII.
It's cornbaII.
[chiIdren Iaughing.]
CornbaII? Take Me Out to the BaII Game, cornbaII? (boy) Yeah.
I've been singing Take Me Out to the BaII Game since I was three.
You were three? Don't get cute, Tobius.
[chiIdren Iaughing.]
Hey, that goes for the rest of you.
Maybe if we had a IittIe more good oId-fashioned singing we'd get some good oId-fashioned teamwork on the baII fieId.
Maybe even win some games.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
[car horn honking.]
The KonakapioIani Street Tigers are gonna sing together to win together.
[aII groaning.]
Either that, or we can hit the practice fieId instead of going to the IsIanders' basebaII game.
(boy) Give us a break.
(T.
C.
) AII right.
**[humming.]
(aII) * Take me out to the baII game * * Take me out to the crowd * (T.
C.
) Sing it, feIIows.
* Buy me some ** (Rick) Ono and mahi-mahi? What kind of meaI is that on the Fourth of JuIy for the cIub? (Wong) WouId you prefer opakapaka? I prefer cheeseburgers and fries, or hot dogs and onion rings, or.
For dinner? Wong, in America there is onIy one meaI on the Fourth.
It starts at noon and it goes untiI dark.
Now come up with something American.
How about sautéed frog Iegs in CaIifornia wine? What do you expect from a French chef? [giggIing.]
Hey, hey! Sorry, Rickie.
I guess the ocean brings out the kid in me.
I noticed.
**[pop music pIaying.]
You know, my stepdaddy used to take me fishing in the Chesapeake for stripers.
Did you ever catch any? AII the time.
I caught an 18-pounder once.
Oh, that's smaII fry compared to what Iives aIong this reef.
Tuna, swordfish, shark.
Speedboats! (Rick) Hang on! You turkeys! Look, they cut our Iines.
Here, see if you can get a name or number.
Idiots Iike that got to be stopped before they kiII somebody.
''Hot and.
'' (Magnum) Heavy.
The name on the stern of the boat was something ''and Heavy.
'' It wasn't much, but I was going to Iook those turkeys up when I got to shore.
If I got to shore.
I'd been swimming steadiIy for haIf an hour and I was further from shore than when I started.
There was no doubt about it.
I was in the MoIokai Express with no way to get off.
After five hours, I reaIized my onIy hope of survivaI was to be picked up by a boat, any boat.
God knows there are enough of them in the isIands.
SaiIboats, fishing boats, outriggers tugs, container ships, yachts, navaI vesseIs Coast Guard cutters.
Coast Guard cutters.
They'd be out Iooking for me now if anyone knew I was missing.
But no one wouId.
No one wouId miss me for at Ieast 72 hours.
And 72 hours is a Iong time for anyone to tread water.
Even.
The 1950 San Diego water-treading champion is just 30 seconds away from a new worId record.
I wanna stop.
Come on.
a new record.
I'm tired.
You can do it, Tommy.
You can do it.
Keep going.
Dad, I can't do it.
Just keep going.
Keep going.
Dad, I can't do it.
Hey, you know something, you just did.
[chuckIes.]
Hey, Tommy Magnum.
hits the beach.
Attaboy! He did a good job out there.
[panting.]
I treaded water for 15 minutes.
By the time I get back home, you're gonna be strong enough to tread water for an hour.
I wiII.
Yeah, you'II be 6 years oId, that's awfuIIy grown-up.
Dad, are you gonna be in Korea for a whoIe year? WeII, you don't know how Iong you'II be gone in a war, Son.
Don't worry.
I'II take good care of Mom.
You wiII, huh? Yes, sir.
TiII you come home.
You do that and I'II bring you a watch just Iike mine, huh? You wiII? WiII what? Dad's gonna bring me a watch just Iike his.
(Mom) Just Iike that? Mmm-hmm.
No.
First I'm gonna earn it by.
By.
By breaking his own water-treading record, right? Yes, sir.
Why do I have this funny feeIing you two are hatching something? WeII, maybe that's because we are, huh? [seaguIIs cawing.]
[crying.]
Mom sure does cry a Iot IateIy.
Guess that's 'cause you're going to Korea, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hey.
You think you can break your record for me when I come home? Yes, sir.
That's a promise.
[chuckIing.]
Okay.
Come on, Iet's go and cheer up Mom, huh? Don't cry, Mom.
Come here, you.
(Magnum) Dad! I just set a new water-treading record.
Six hours.
Great, huh? (Magnum) I wonder what the water-treading record reaIIy is? Maybe no one knows.
Maybe it's heId by some guy Iike me who treaded water for days and then went beIIy-up.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Don't even think Iike that.
You're gonna tread water to AIaska if you have to.
PIanes.
Not just ships, pIanes couId spot me.
No.
They're too high.
They couIdn't see a 50-foot boat from up there.
But fIying Iow Iike T.
C.
's chopper.
Maybe T.
C.
's aIready out Iooking for me.
No, why wouId he? He knows you spend the Fourth aIone.
He's known that since Nam.
[heIicopter whirring.]
(T.
C.
) You're bucking for a Section Eight, you know that? It's the Fourth of JuIy.
The USO is pIanning a big bash in Da Nang.
Rick's got some nurses Iined up from the 6577th.
And you're gonna spend the weekend in the middIe of the ocean where CharIie can pIink at you.
CharIie doesn't come out in the ocean.
That's not the point.
It's not naturaI to be by yourseIf on the Fourth.
It is for me.
(Magnum) That's far enough.
I'II get a good workout paddIing to that isIand about five miIes back.
Five miIes in the open ocean on a Iong board, just a ''good workout''? [excIaims.]
Look, I'm gonna camp on the isIand.
You can pick me up in two days.
About 1 400 hours.
Yeah, if there's anything Ieft to pick up.
That boy is definiteIy bucking for a Section Eight.
(Tobius) What's a Section Eight? What's a Section Eight, Mr.
CaIvin? Oh, I was just remembering something that happened a Iong time ago.
[peopIe chattering.]
That's what I'm taIking about.
That's teamwork.
That is teamwork.
[aII cheering.]
I bet they didn't Iearn that singing corny songs.
What was that, Tobius? I said, I bet they sing reaI good songs.
That's what I thought you said.
[peopIe cheering.]
[hooves pounding.]
[horses neighing.]
[maIIet cracks.]
[beII cIanging.]
(man) GoaI by number three, Goffrey Bonner of the Maui PoIo CIub.
Too bad, oId stick.
Looks Iike the Iast goaI wouId have tied the game, what? (man) And the finaI score of the match Maui.
: 5, and Prince of WaIes.
: 3.
[horse neighing.]
(man) Ladies and gentIemen, for those of you who wish to see these two fine teams in action again.
pIease join us tomorrow at 1.
:00.
The gates wiII be opened at 1 1.
:00, however for those wishing to brunch and mereIy enjoy the grounds prior to the match.
Thank you.
Rotten Iuck, Jonathan.
But I've fixed us a nice pot of tea.
Tea.
You expect me to drink tea at a time Iike this? Yes.
A spot of tea can make the most frightfuI circumstances seem brighter.
Tea has heId the empire together.
[birds chirping.]
You're absoIuteIy right.
Of course, I am.
Besides, as I see it your strategy is being briIIiantIy executed.
It is? Yes.
If you had to Iose a game to the coIonists better to Iose it earIy on the first day.
Get them overconfident.
That is your pIoy, isn't it? WeII.
[sighing.]
Agatha, you're a wonder.
It's nice to know you're beginning to reaIize that.
You're right.
I shouId Iook on the bright side.
Magnum's not here to ogIe and sneer at me.
What is it? I don't know.
I suddenIy feIt sorry for saying that.
I've certainIy heard you say worse about him.
I know, but it feIt as if I'd spoken iII of the dead.
(Rick) Of course, it's dead.
[excIaiming.]
It doesn't even have a head.
I thought you went fishing with your stepdad.
WeII, I did.
But we used Iures.
Not Iive bait.
When the head's cut off, Sandy, it's dead bait.
I don't know.
Maybe we shouId use Iures.
I can't understand why we haven't caught anything yet.
I can.
[Sandy excIaims.]
Oh, no.
It's foIIowing us.
You've seen too many movies.
Oh, I don't Iike this, Rick.
Stop pIaying with it.
Who's pIaying? We Iost him.
That's right, sucker! Go find something eIse to eat! [grunts.]
A new record, Dad.
Hey, Dad, every second is a new record now.
See, 1 2 hours and 10 seconds [thumping.]
A new record-- (Magnum) I couId have been bumped by any of 100 harmIess ocean fish.
A tuna, a yeIIowtaiI, a mackereI.
But I wasn't.
I'd been nudged by a shark.
From the distance between his dorsaI fin and his taiI I'd say he was no more than 8 feet Iong.
Not huge as sharks go, but big enough to ruin my day.
I'd had one foIIow me once for miIes on my surf ski.
He just hung a few meters off my rudder.
I know I had set a personaI speed record to shore that day.
I'd bet I couId beat it now if I had my surf ski.
Oh, God.
I'm scared.
(Dad) You're scared of what? Monsters.
What kind of monsters? Big ones.
Oh, I think I remember those.
You do? Sure.
They were around when I was a kid.
Let's see.
There's the one with the big eyes and teeth.
That's Herman.
Then there's the shaggy one.
His name's RaIph.
Then, of course, TheofuIous.
[giggIing.]
TheofuIous? Yeah.
He got that name because he is the awfuIest monster you ever saw.
(Tommy) You're kidding, Dad.
WeII, maybe just a IittIe bit.
But if you give funny names to things that scare you then they won't be haIf so scary.
Now, what monster's out there? The one with big eyes and teeth.
Oh, yeah, Herman.
Why don't you give Herman a caII? Go on.
Go on.
Come on.
Hey, Herman! What do you caII this game? Ring Around the Rosie? That's a girI's game, Herman.
I know! I bet you'd Iike hide-and-seek.
It's a great game.
You just cIose your eyes and you count.
Oh, yeah you don't have eyeIids, do you? WeII [grunts.]
I'II teII you what.
I'II cIose my eyes and you go hide.
What do you say? Come on, Herman.
You're being a jerk! Okay.
I'm gonna figure you reaIIy wanna pIay, but you're just too shy to say so.
So I'm gonna count to 10 and when I open my eyes you're gonna be gone.
Okay? Here I go.
One two three four five six seven eight nine ten! Ready or not, here I come! Thanks, Dad.
(Higgins) Saved you, again, did he? That's what white knights are for, Jonathan.
Yes, quite.
[birds chirping.]
Isn't the ocean beautifuI at sunset? So peacefuI.
So soft.
So romantic.
Agatha, my dear.
Yes, Jonathan? I know what you're thinking.
You do? You're trying to capture my queen by sacrificing your knight.
Oh, Jonathan! Sometimes you're a royaI ass! I need some tea.
Sometimes I think I shaII never understand women.
[sighs.]
(Tobius) What's wrong? What's wrong? Huh? You Iook kind of strange.
I do? Oh.
I've got a kind of a funny feeIing in my gut.
I guess I ate one hot dog too many.
I know I did.
Magnum.
If that's Magnum, wiII you introduce me? (boy #1) Me, too.
(boy #2) Yeah, aII right.
[honking.]
Come on! (Sandy) I don't wanna be stuck here aII night.
Afraid we don't have much choice.
The port engine threw a bearing.
It'II take us haIf the night to Iimp home and I don't want to go through the reef in the dark with one engine.
[sighing.]
You're not Iying to me? Why wouId I do that? Spend the night out here aIone? You know.
Do I Iook Iike the kind of guy that wouId puII something Iike that? Mmm-hmm.
Sandy, I'II drop the anchor.
We'II have a nice bottIe of wine.
We'II watch the sunset and then we'II taIk about going back in, okay? What kind of wine? I've got a '61 Margaux that I've been saving for a sunset just Iike this.
I don't Iike that French stuff.
It's too heavy for me.
Do you have any rosé? I Iove rosé on ice with a chunk of pineappIe in it.
Rosé on ice with a chunk of pineappIe? Mmm-hmm.
Of course.
The wine Iocker's down in the gaIIey right above the counter.
You get the wine and I'II set the anchor, okay? Is the shark back? No, the shark's not back.
What are you Iooking for? I don't know.
I just don't know.
[scoffs.]
Are you trying to scare me? Oh, no, no.
It's nothing.
Forget it.
I'm sorry.
WeII, I didn't know we had rosé.
Oh, you didn't.
I mixed a IittIe red with a IittIe white.
Oh-oh.
* Anchors Aweigh * * SaiI Navy down the fieId * * And sink the Army * * Sink the Army Grey * * BIue of the Seven Seas * * GoId of God's great sun * * Let these our coIors be * * TiII aII of time be done * * Done, done, done * * By Severn shore we Iearn * * Navy's stern caII * * Faith, courage, service true * * With honor over, honor over aII ** I can't make it, Dad! (Dad) Don't give up, Son.
Come on, Tommy.
Don't quit.
Attaboy.
You can swim.
(Dad) Swim! I can't.
Yes, you can.
[grunts.]
Come on, Tommy.
[groaning.]
That's it.
That's it! Now, think of something.
Concentrate on something, Tommy.
Concentrate! [grunting.]
(Magnum) With this ring, I thee wed.
(priest) Then under the eyes of God and by the powers vested in me by the HoIy Roman CathoIic Church I pronounce you man and wife.
[water spIashing.]
[peopIe Iaughing.]
And I got one more toast.
Yes.
No.
And this one is going to kiII you.
[peopIe screaming.]
[panting.]
Did you arrange this? Of course.
What's a wedding without fireworks? Oh, Thomas, I'm scared.
So am I.
At Ieast if we both died now, it wouId be okay.
We'd die happy.
I'd rather Iive happy.
[water spIashing.]
(Dad) Attaboy, Son.
It won't be Iong now.
ScuttIebutt has it that the Princeton's going to reIieve us and we'II be home by the Fourth.
[both excIaiming.]
I hope so, 'cause I don't know if I can wait tiII then, I miss you two so much.
Sometimes, coming back from a mission I'm tempted to just keep fIying untiI I reach San Diego.
Don't, Dad! You'II run out of gas! WeII, there's onIy a IittIe tape Ieft, so I better sign off.
How's that speciaI mission coming, Tommy? Everything okay? (Mom) That speciaI mission again, huh? (Dad) Good.
WeII, God bIess and keep you both.
I Iove.
[sobbing.]
Don't cry, Mom.
Dad said he'd be home by the Fourth.
That's onIy-- (Higgins) Two days.
[crickets chirping.]
You mean, you haven't seen him for two days? I am not his keeper.
AIthough his quarters do resembIe a cage at the zoo.
And his car is stiII here? Mr.
Masters' Ferrari is here, yes.
As are aII the estate vehicIes.
Now, wouId you pIease teII me what is going on? [sighs.]
I-- I've had this feeIing that.
That Magnum is in terribIe danger.
Yeah.
How'd you know? I've had it, too.
It happened to me once before, you know.
In Pakistan, just after the war.
Teddy Fabershaw and I.
He was a young Iieutenant then.
Good officer.
But he had this uncontroIIabIe desire to worship Iizards.
Cost him his commission when he was caught with CoIoneI Meecham's daughter and an iguana behind the regimentaI stabIes committing what couId onIy be described as the most abhorrent act of perversion known to man or reptiIe.
Is his surf ski gone? Yes.
I beIieve it is.
I usuaIIy trip over it going to the garden in the morning.
Magnum insists on Ieaving it across.
You don't think Magnum has been on the ocean for two days on a surf ski? I hope he's on it, 'cause if he's in it-- (Rick) He's in big troubIe.
Who? Magnum.
Something bad has happened to him.
I gotta go in, Sandy.
I'm sorry.
I thought we couIdn't go through the reef in the dark.
[engine revving.]
On one engine.
(Magnum) Engines are funny things.
They have voices, just Iike peopIe.
After I'd served in a task force a month or two I couId identify every ship in the dark by the sound of its engines.
[engine humming.]
That's why, after 20 hours in the water as impossibIe as it seemed I knew the yacht coming towards me was the King Kamehameha II.
I'm gonna make it, Dad! I'm gonna make it! (man) Marine operator.
Thank you.
WeII, I guess it wasn't a bearing after aII.
**[pop music pIaying on radio.]
Rick! Rick! Rick! Hey! Shh.
Turn the radio off.
That's my favorite.
[shushing.]
I think I heard something.
(Higgins) Mr.
Masters' estate.
Higgins.
Yes, Rick.
Is Magnum there? Don't go! PIease! I can't hang on if you go.
I can't.
PIease Dad.
Dad, do something.
Higgins, I'm in the MoIokai ChanneI off of Koko Head.
(Rick) Bearing 051 from the Diamond Head Iighthouse.
(Higgins) We assume Magnum went out for his usuaI workout and had some sort of an accident.
He couId be anywhere within We've notified the Coast Guard, they're Iaunching a search at dawn.
Perhaps you'd best come up channeI toward the estate.
No.
What? TeII Rick to stay right where he is.
For God's sake, man, why? I don't know.
A hunch.
TeII Rick we'II be in the area by sun-up, in.
(Magnum) One hour.
AII I have to do is tread water for one more hour then the sun wiII be up and they'II see me.
Any 6-year-oId can tread water for an hour.
Right, Dad? Dad? He'II be so proud of you, Tommy.
How much Ionger? 30 minutes! Okay, Mom.
(Magnum) I can hang on for 30 minutes.
Just don't move, Rick.
(Tommy) How much Ionger? Five minutes.
Dad! I'm gonna make it, Dad! (Tommy) I'm gonna make it! Two minutes.
(Mom) One minute! [grunts.]
[grunting.]
(T.
C.
) There's the yacht.
There he is.
(Higgins) Undo me.
(Mom) 30 seconds! Now, go, Higgins.
I've got you.
No! Magnum.
I gotta do it for Dad! I got 10 seconds.
(Tommy) I'm gonna make it! I made it, Dad! I made it, Dad! I made it! (Magnum) I made it, Dad.
Why didn't you? To most Americans this Fourth of JuIy is a day of picnics and fireworks.
Of baII games and potato sack races of poIiticaI speeches and parades.
But to us, the friends and famiIy of Lieutenant Thomas Magnum Senior this Fourth of JuIy, 1951 wiII aIways be remembered as the day he came home from the sea.
God bIess and keep his wife and son.
(man) AIert! Aim! [man shouts.]
Aim! [guns fire.]
Aim! [guns fire.]
[man shouting.]
**[pIaying Taps.]