Magnum, P.I. (1980) s08e10 Episode Script
Legend of the Lost Art
The Hanole prism is ours.
The prism's no good without the map.
The map! Give it up, Higgins.
The legend is well documented! We must find the lost art by any means possible.
Good God, man.
They'll obliterate us! A burial cave? He actually sent me into a burial This isn't it.
What? It has to be! I nearly got killed.
For which I have already expressed regret and explained that I had no idea the task would prove to be so treacherous.
Nevertheless, your misfortune at the cave does not alter the fact that this scroll, while doubtless the same age as the lost art of the ancients, is a phony and therefore worthless.
I don't understand, and why did I have to wear this hat? To keep the sun out of your eyes.
Even without the Hanole prism I can see that these particular petroglyphs are meaningless.
Visual gibberish, if you will.
The Hanole prism? Oh, right, of course.
Well, there's nothing to do but keep searching.
Here, you'll want to wear this once you get back on the trail.
Oh, I don't think so, Higgins.
I don't think there's any trail to go back on.
I beg your pardon? Oh, tell me, Higgins.
Were any of those traps lethal or were they all just illusions? Are you suggesting that I set up some sort of elaborate practical joke? Oh, give it up, Higgins! You went too far with the Hanole prism! You had your fun trying to sell me on that story about pre-historic little people geniuses.
The legend is well documented! The ancients did exist! A highly advanced culture.
Diminutive in stature, gargantuan in intellect.
And the lost art scroll may contain solutions to maladies that have plagued man for centuries.
Like practical jokes.
Goodbye, Higgins.
May I remind you that Mr.
Masters is paying you quite handsomely for your assistance in this venture? Was paying.
And I'll agree with you, you paid me handsomely, Robin.
Thanks.
I won't even dignify that with a response.
Now, will you or will you not help? I said no.
N- O.
No, no! No more traps, no more caves, no more lost ark.
Lart Lost art! And either the joke is on me, Higgins, or it's on you.
But either way, count me out! How perceptive of him, Jonathan.
I do believe the joke is on you, for the moment, anyway.
Oh, incidentally, that jacket and hat were meant for you, not for your lackey.
The great Peter Riddley-Smythe can still elude even the most foolproof security system, I see.
That isn't the scroll you seek.
I know that and you know that, but the people I'm selling it to probably don't.
Oh, by the way, Jonathan, please don't call your friend, Magnum, when I leave.
I should hate to have to execute those two charming and drugged Dobermans of yours.
Till the next time.
And the ultimate prize.
Robin's nest.
Miss Northrup.
Please, I must see you tonight.
I'm prepared to pay whatever you ask.
All night long.
That lady in the blue gown is taking everybody on.
Four men left, only four men left.
And she's been dancing with them all night long.
That girl is dynamite! You'll know dynamite, all right, if Mr.
Higgins finds out you're staging another contest.
How's he gonna know? Just relax.
She's slowing down.
Oh, no, no.
This guy looks like he might have taken her.
Hold on.
That hot ball of fire keeps on going.
Watch out, guys.
Oh, another one bites the dust.
Will it be the lovely lady in blue? I know what you're thinking, and this time you're wrong.
This wasn't a dream or some kind of bizarre fantasy of mine.
No.
It had all the earmarks of the kind practical jokes played by the infamous double agent Peter Riddley-Smythe.
According to countless stories Higgins had told me over the years, Peter Riddley-Smythe was an agent, or actually a double agent, who was known for concocting elaborate scenes out of his favorite movies as part of every assignment.
It was kind of like his calling card.
Of course, I had never believed that there actually was such a man.
I mean, the whole thing sounded like a figment of Higgins' rather active imagination.
But, one way or the other, there was obviously something wrong with Higgins and I had to make sure that he wasn't in any real danger.
That's it, he's had it.
The lovely lady in blue.
Let's have a big hand for her.
Yeah! Thanks for the ride.
Sure.
This one's on the house, sweetheart.
You deserve it.
Oh.
Now is that all I get for winning the dance contest? Well, that remains to be seen.
My name's Rick Wright.
I run this gin joint.
What's your name? Miss Northrup? Higgins! What are you doing here? I was just closing up now.
You said you would meet me out front.
Well, I got bored.
And I figured you would have sense enough to look for me in here.
I thought we agreed to a quiet, private location.
Do you mind? Instead, you meet me in here, wearing a dress like that.
Just get to the point, will you, Mr.
Higgins? An excellent suggestion.
Let's do get to the point.
The prism? The club is closed, gentlemen.
We are not thirsty.
Where is it, Miss Northrup? If I have it, I'm accepting bids.
Oh, ours will be the highest, I assure you.
Please, it would be best if we could have your cooperation.
The Hanole prism, and your help in employing its powers to locate the lost ark.
Art.
What? Art.
The lost art of the ancients.
You said "the lost ark.
" A common mistake and I'm afraid you've made another one.
Miss Northrup does not have the prism.
Wait a minute.
You mean that she's a Hey, hey, hey Oh.
Thank you.
Your beautiful dress.
How clumsy of me.
Let me clean you off.
Ah.
Hi, guys.
Hold it right there.
No, see.
Hi, Connie.
Hello.
Good to see you again.
Could I have a beer? Something with a long neck.
I've been planning to call you, honest.
Thanks.
I really appreciate this, officers.
I'm sorry for any inconvenience.
So, Rick, you don't want to press charges then, right? Oh, no, no.
In fact, you can assure whoever called in the disturbing-the-peace report that everything is a-okay.
I could promise you that the club will definitely be closed for the evening.
Thanks, officers.
Good night.
All right, Higgins.
What's going on? I don't have time for lengthy explanations.
We must find the lost art by any means possible, and that's all I can tell you.
Kenny.
What are you doing? I'm calling the police back.
No! You mustn't involve the police.
Kenny! All right! I was sworn to secrecy, but I'll tell you everything.
The lost art is not just a whim of Mr.
Masters.
International agencies wish to remain officially uninvolved, and Robin Masters provides them with a perfect innocent collector.
How accommodating of you.
I have reason to believe that those three men who were here tonight are foreign operatives.
Working for the eccentric Peter Riddley-Smythe? Double agent and cinema buff? This is no joking matter, Magnum.
We must find Miss Northrup before they do.
Kenny! All right, I lied.
She does have the prism.
It's the key to translating the lost art.
And if we don't get to her before they do You mean she could be Okay, Higgins.
I'll play along with this little scenario.
Long enough to find out that Connie's okay.
You know where she is? Maybe.
I just have to make one little stop first.
I'm coming with you.
If Miss Northrup should return, keep her here until we get back.
Yeah, sure.
How do you know Miss Northrup? It's a long story.
You were engaged? No.
Not exactly.
More like engaged to be engaged.
But that was a long time ago.
And I'd appreciate it if you kept that information between us.
Well, the place hasn't changed much.
Extraordinary.
There's a fortune in rare antiquity here.
But no Connie.
I'm going to check the rest of the house out.
Hi.
Ah! T.
C! Why didn't you say it was you? You found the prism? You didn't give me a chance.
Look at this.
Why are you wearing that weird hat and jacket? Insurance.
I mean, if there really is a Peter Riddley-Smythe Extraordinary.
How did you know to come to this address? It was pretty simple, really.
I saved this old article that Connie Northrup had written for one of the archeological magazines that I subscribe to.
You subscribe to archeology magazines? Yeah, well, a couple.
Anyway, the article had her school address in it, so I called posing as a buyer.
And I got her home address.
I guess I got pretty lucky.
Indeed.
How did you get here? Well, apparently Magnum and Miss Northrup Are old friends.
That's all.
Well, I tried calling you at the club, but no one answered.
Higgins promised you a bundle of money to find the lost art.
I am not in it for the money, T.
M.
I am trying to help to find the lost art for purely humanitarian and historical reasons.
Wait a minute.
What did you say? I said, I'm not in it for the money No.
You said no one answered at the club.
Where's Rick? He was supposed to wait for Miss Northrup.
He'd have a long wait.
Connie.
Miss Northrup.
Miss Connie Northrup.
Hand over the prism, Mr.
Higgins.
An excellent suggestion.
Do hand it over.
In fact, I'll take it now.
I would so have enjoyed taking it from you, as usual, Jonathan.
It isn't over yet, Riddley-Smythe.
Thank you.
You must be the lovely Nyoka Gordon.
What are you saying? My name is Connie Northrup.
What is it this time, Peter? Maltese Falcon? Treasure of Sierra Madre? I'm sorry, Jonathan.
I'm truly sorry that you didn't get a chance to locate the lost ark.
Art.
Well, then.
Shall we go, Miss Northrup? I am sure you would not wish to witness the execution of such wonderful friends.
All right, everybody freeze! That goes for you, too, fat man.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you let the Hanole prism slip from our grasp.
Hey, Higgins.
You're being a little ungrateful, aren't you? I mean, if it weren't for me showing up when I did, you'd be waiting in line right now waiting for your harp and your little wings.
How did you know where to find us? Because I figured that Malcolm lost two of his top shooters and he'd need some local talent.
So I called Ice Pick, got some names, did a little tailing on my own, and got lucky.
The police haven't been able to get anything out of the gunmen.
And Connie's vanished into thin air.
No doubt the tart has run off with Malcolm to activate the prism.
She's not a tart, Higgins, and you could've saved us all a lot of grief by telling us what you were up to from the beginning.
I've told you before about Riddley-Smythe.
You never seemed to believe me.
Who's Riddley-Smythe? Peter Riddley-Smythe, a spy, a counter spy and a master thief who specializes in stealing the exotic.
Who's Malcolm? Malcolm is an Eastern Bloc agent who is trying to steal the prism for the other side.
I am not worried about Riddley-Smythe or Malcolm, I'm worried about Connie! Wait a minute.
Who's Connie? I think I recognize this, Higgins.
North by Northwest.
Wait a minute.
Who's Connie? No, Bad Day at Black Rock.
This isn't the time to be playing movie trivia.
We've got to figure out where Miss Northrup is.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do.
King Solomon's Mines, The Stewart Granger version, not the Richard Chamberlain.
Wait a minute.
Who's Connie Northrup? Yes? It's Connie Northrup.
I'm at your gate.
I'm sure Thomas will tell us what she said.
Yeah, give the man a little privacy.
I can't believe she got her hands on the prism and the map.
I had to convince them that I had to be alone with the prism and the map or the incantations wouldn't work.
They bought that? Well, Malcolm isn't exactly a rocket scientist.
But Riddley-Smythe.
I had to make certain romantic promises.
Connie.
Well, what did you expect me to do? I couldn't count on anyone else to rescue me.
I would've rescued you.
You could've counted on me.
Remember what happened the last time I counted on you? I came home to a note! "Dear Connie, I'm very sorry, but I have to leave.
" That's not what I said.
What I said was, "Dear Connie, I'm very sorry, but I have to leave.
" But, yeah, you're right, I should've talked to you in person, I know.
Or at least called, and I've been meaning to.
For seven years? Yes! I even drove by your house a couple of times, but I didn't see your car.
I I just guess I didn't know what to say, except that I made a mistake.
And I'm sorry.
Do you mean that? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Are you doing this again so you can hit me on the head with that? Oh, Connie.
I know.
I know, as usual our timing is awful.
I mean, how can we get reacquainted when people are trying to kill me? Thomas, this is all my fault.
I should never have written those articles on the lost art of the ancients.
It was just another pretty legend until I started publishing those articles about it.
Now everybody wants it, and nobody should have it.
Why? With the prism, I can translate the writings on the scroll.
But what if the writings turn out to be evil? Look, Connie, if you really believe that, it's better that Higgins finds it, than those other guys.
Trust me.
I want to.
The map! The map! The map! Stay here.
Higgins.
Thomas! No need to worry about him, my dear.
Higgins.
You all right? Rick's calling an ambulance.
Where's the map? Connie! Connie No sign of survivors? No sign of anything.
I checked the whole area.
That means that Connie, Miss Northrup, is dead.
I knew it! This is great.
Shock, shock.
He's trying to hide his feelings.
Now how am I supposed to find the lost art? What are you, crazy? You're worried about a stupid scroll when people are croaking around us? But they're not.
They're not! You trying to tell me you didn't see a boat explode? Oh, I saw the boat, all right.
And I thought Connie was on it.
That's exactly what Riddley-Smythe wanted me to think.
But she wasn't.
See, she jumped out of the chariot before it went over the cliff.
What chariot? What cliff? Oh, don't you remember? Nyoka and the Lost Secrets of Hippocrates.
She went over a cliff in a chariot and at the last moment she bailed out.
Of course, everybody in Miss Primmark's fourth-grade class thought she was dead until the next Saturday when It's too hard to explain, but that's exactly the kind of movie that Riddley-Smythe would try and copy.
He wants us to think that Connie is dead, so we'll stop looking for her.
Which we're not going to do.
Exactly! This is the craziest long shot you've ever played.
This terrain doesn't even remotely resemble the terrain in Nyoka and the Lost Secrets of Hippocrates.
Use your imagination, Higgins.
There are some similarities.
T.
C.
The camp.
You were right.
Here, you may need this.
I've got the whip.
I've waited a long time for this.
You little minx! Riddley-Smythe? Magnum? You okay? This is going to hurt a little bit.
I thought I was a goner! How did you figure out where we were? Easy.
Riddley-Smythe left one calling card too many.
What? Well, see, he sets up these elaborate movie Never mind that.
Let's get out of here.
What about the prism? Will you forget the prism? Thomas, can't you see now how dangerous the lost art is? If we don't find it ourselves and destroy it, then someone else will find it and use it for who knows what evil plan? If not Riddley-Smythe, then someone like him.
Could you live with yourself knowing that you saved your own neck but put all of mankind at risk? Yes, I think I could.
T.
C! We have to get out of here.
Higgins has got the whole camp in an uproar.
Magnum, I've got it.
The Hanole prism is ours.
What about the map? The prism's no good without the map.
Where's Rick? There was a slight altercation.
He was covering me while I liberated the prism.
Where's Rick? I wouldn't want to be you when they cut these ropes.
The truck.
Get in.
Can I hold that for you? Get in! Hey! It worked before.
Get the machine gun.
Hey! This is what the world has to look forward to.
They'll never stop coming after the lost art.
I guess you haven't changed after all.
You're not the crusader, Thomas Magnum, I knew seven years ago.
They're escaping! Get him, T.
C! Get the bullets.
They're getting a machine gun.
They never had any of this in Nyoka.
The choice is up to you.
Ow! Sorry.
I must've thought of the wrong movie.
Good God, man.
They'll obliterate us! Nice going, guys.
I'll meet you at the helicopter.
Hang on, man.
Can you get us back to the chopper through this mess? Yes, just as soon as we find the lost art.
I knew it! Oh, I knew you would come through! I knew you wouldn't let the whole world down! This is the cave I sent you to in the first place.
I know.
But this is where you got the wrong scroll before.
What makes you think the right one is here? The movie.
You've thought of the right movie.
What? No.
This doesn't have anything to do with any movie, Higgins.
I just got to thinking maybe the wrong scroll was just a decoy, protecting the right scroll.
Besides, Higgins, if your research led you to believe this was the right cave, you're usually not completely wrong.
Thank you.
But how did you figure out where the new entrance was? Simple mathematical calculation based on the angle of the falling debris when I was inside the cave.
Raiders of Ghost City? No, that's too western.
Besides, there are no trains in Hawaii.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's it.
We've found it! The ark Art.
Don't you mean art, Higgins? The lost art? Of course, I do.
The lost art is in the ark.
According to the legend.
Come on! Connie! I'm counting on you, Thomas! This is it, Thomas, the lost art of the ancients.
The prism will turn the petroglyphs into English.
Do you hear something? Here it comes, Mr.
Higgins.
Thank you, Miss Northrup.
Thank you both so much for acting out your part so faithfully.
I wouldn't have gone down into that pit, considering what's down there.
But I knew that Jonathan could be counted on to find somebody gullible enough.
Well, I suppose this is adieu.
By the time you've sorted out this movie, you'll both be dead.
Thomas.
Before we die, truth.
Are you sorry now that we didn't get married? Take off your skirt.
This is hardly the time or the place.
I need some cloth for a torch.
I have to find out what that hissing sound is.
It can't be snakes.
There's no snakes in Hawaii.
Even Riddley-Smythe couldn't arrange that.
But I still want to find out what that sound is.
Snakes.
Connie, please, you're not helping.
Well, neither are you! Just do something! Take off your clothes.
Thomas, I have feelings for you, too Connie.
but this is just not the time or the place Connie.
Whatever you can do without.
We need more torches.
Why don't you take off some of your clothes? Because I saw the movie.
Which movie? That's not important right now.
The Perils of Pauline? That's it.
I'm turning back.
No, no.
We can't give up.
After Thomas just drove off and left us with those maniacs with machine guns? You give me one good reason why I should go back to try to find him.
The lost art.
We're not rescuing Thomas.
We're rescuing the lost art for posterity.
T.
C.
, look! The truck! Don't worry, Thomas! We'll save you.
Help's on the way! There's gotta be a way out of here.
There was in the movie, there's gotta be one here.
Well, you better hurry up and find it.
I'm running out of clothes.
That's it! I don't know why I didn't see it before! No! Connie, we're out of here.
All we got to do is push this giant facade, a block will fall away, and we'll climb our way out of here.
Well, then, push it, for heaven's sake.
I am pushing.
I don't know how to tell you this, Connie.
But I think we're going to die.
I just wanted you to know that I've thought a lot about you over the last seven years And just because I never called doesn't mean Let's get out of here.
Verify the lost ark.
Art.
And I'll see you in Hades, first.
You already have the scroll.
Why don't we just terminate him and leave? I have to be sure that the scroll is authentic.
Do you know what my comrades Colleagues would do to me if I brought them the wrong art? Verify it.
Verify it.
Never! Oh, go ahead, Higgins.
Verify it.
Magnum.
It won't do you any good, anyway.
Kill him! If they shoot me, I shoot you.
Hold it! Hey, you! Come back with that scroll! I'll take that.
Never.
It's mine! Thomas! I thought I told you to wait until I came back for you.
The last time you told me I'll be right back I had to wait seven years.
I didn't say I'd be right back, I said I'll call you.
And I meant to.
I just lost track of time.
Right and you drove by the house a couple of times.
Well, Thomas, it's just not good enough.
Oh, Connie.
Riddley-Smythe is Well, do something! I He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.
I have a canoe.
Adieu! Done in by his own elaborate scheme.
Somebody should have told him.
In the movies the good guys always win.
Thomas, I'm going to be late for my plane and will not miss my worldwide lecture tour on the lost art.
What are you going to tell people about the scroll? It's a myth.
And so is the legendary Peter Riddley-Smythe.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
This is it.
This is the good part.
This is where Riddley-Smythe got the idea.
Thomas, I am very sorry, but I have to leave.
Connie! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Connie, I'm sorry.
Come on, I just got a little carried away.
No, I'm sorry I just kind of got carried away.
And after seven years is that all you can say to me, "Thomas, I'm very sorry, but I have to leave"? It's not what I said.
I said, "Thomas I'm very sorry, but I have to leave.
" Do you mean that? Yes, I do.
Aww.
Connie.
Magnum, I just realized how we can get back into cave.
Cave? To get the lost art.
Art? Goodbye, Thomas.
Connie.
Here, put these on and come with me.
I have a plan.
Magnum? Magnum? Magnum! Open this door immediately! Magnum! Magnum!
The prism's no good without the map.
The map! Give it up, Higgins.
The legend is well documented! We must find the lost art by any means possible.
Good God, man.
They'll obliterate us! A burial cave? He actually sent me into a burial This isn't it.
What? It has to be! I nearly got killed.
For which I have already expressed regret and explained that I had no idea the task would prove to be so treacherous.
Nevertheless, your misfortune at the cave does not alter the fact that this scroll, while doubtless the same age as the lost art of the ancients, is a phony and therefore worthless.
I don't understand, and why did I have to wear this hat? To keep the sun out of your eyes.
Even without the Hanole prism I can see that these particular petroglyphs are meaningless.
Visual gibberish, if you will.
The Hanole prism? Oh, right, of course.
Well, there's nothing to do but keep searching.
Here, you'll want to wear this once you get back on the trail.
Oh, I don't think so, Higgins.
I don't think there's any trail to go back on.
I beg your pardon? Oh, tell me, Higgins.
Were any of those traps lethal or were they all just illusions? Are you suggesting that I set up some sort of elaborate practical joke? Oh, give it up, Higgins! You went too far with the Hanole prism! You had your fun trying to sell me on that story about pre-historic little people geniuses.
The legend is well documented! The ancients did exist! A highly advanced culture.
Diminutive in stature, gargantuan in intellect.
And the lost art scroll may contain solutions to maladies that have plagued man for centuries.
Like practical jokes.
Goodbye, Higgins.
May I remind you that Mr.
Masters is paying you quite handsomely for your assistance in this venture? Was paying.
And I'll agree with you, you paid me handsomely, Robin.
Thanks.
I won't even dignify that with a response.
Now, will you or will you not help? I said no.
N- O.
No, no! No more traps, no more caves, no more lost ark.
Lart Lost art! And either the joke is on me, Higgins, or it's on you.
But either way, count me out! How perceptive of him, Jonathan.
I do believe the joke is on you, for the moment, anyway.
Oh, incidentally, that jacket and hat were meant for you, not for your lackey.
The great Peter Riddley-Smythe can still elude even the most foolproof security system, I see.
That isn't the scroll you seek.
I know that and you know that, but the people I'm selling it to probably don't.
Oh, by the way, Jonathan, please don't call your friend, Magnum, when I leave.
I should hate to have to execute those two charming and drugged Dobermans of yours.
Till the next time.
And the ultimate prize.
Robin's nest.
Miss Northrup.
Please, I must see you tonight.
I'm prepared to pay whatever you ask.
All night long.
That lady in the blue gown is taking everybody on.
Four men left, only four men left.
And she's been dancing with them all night long.
That girl is dynamite! You'll know dynamite, all right, if Mr.
Higgins finds out you're staging another contest.
How's he gonna know? Just relax.
She's slowing down.
Oh, no, no.
This guy looks like he might have taken her.
Hold on.
That hot ball of fire keeps on going.
Watch out, guys.
Oh, another one bites the dust.
Will it be the lovely lady in blue? I know what you're thinking, and this time you're wrong.
This wasn't a dream or some kind of bizarre fantasy of mine.
No.
It had all the earmarks of the kind practical jokes played by the infamous double agent Peter Riddley-Smythe.
According to countless stories Higgins had told me over the years, Peter Riddley-Smythe was an agent, or actually a double agent, who was known for concocting elaborate scenes out of his favorite movies as part of every assignment.
It was kind of like his calling card.
Of course, I had never believed that there actually was such a man.
I mean, the whole thing sounded like a figment of Higgins' rather active imagination.
But, one way or the other, there was obviously something wrong with Higgins and I had to make sure that he wasn't in any real danger.
That's it, he's had it.
The lovely lady in blue.
Let's have a big hand for her.
Yeah! Thanks for the ride.
Sure.
This one's on the house, sweetheart.
You deserve it.
Oh.
Now is that all I get for winning the dance contest? Well, that remains to be seen.
My name's Rick Wright.
I run this gin joint.
What's your name? Miss Northrup? Higgins! What are you doing here? I was just closing up now.
You said you would meet me out front.
Well, I got bored.
And I figured you would have sense enough to look for me in here.
I thought we agreed to a quiet, private location.
Do you mind? Instead, you meet me in here, wearing a dress like that.
Just get to the point, will you, Mr.
Higgins? An excellent suggestion.
Let's do get to the point.
The prism? The club is closed, gentlemen.
We are not thirsty.
Where is it, Miss Northrup? If I have it, I'm accepting bids.
Oh, ours will be the highest, I assure you.
Please, it would be best if we could have your cooperation.
The Hanole prism, and your help in employing its powers to locate the lost ark.
Art.
What? Art.
The lost art of the ancients.
You said "the lost ark.
" A common mistake and I'm afraid you've made another one.
Miss Northrup does not have the prism.
Wait a minute.
You mean that she's a Hey, hey, hey Oh.
Thank you.
Your beautiful dress.
How clumsy of me.
Let me clean you off.
Ah.
Hi, guys.
Hold it right there.
No, see.
Hi, Connie.
Hello.
Good to see you again.
Could I have a beer? Something with a long neck.
I've been planning to call you, honest.
Thanks.
I really appreciate this, officers.
I'm sorry for any inconvenience.
So, Rick, you don't want to press charges then, right? Oh, no, no.
In fact, you can assure whoever called in the disturbing-the-peace report that everything is a-okay.
I could promise you that the club will definitely be closed for the evening.
Thanks, officers.
Good night.
All right, Higgins.
What's going on? I don't have time for lengthy explanations.
We must find the lost art by any means possible, and that's all I can tell you.
Kenny.
What are you doing? I'm calling the police back.
No! You mustn't involve the police.
Kenny! All right! I was sworn to secrecy, but I'll tell you everything.
The lost art is not just a whim of Mr.
Masters.
International agencies wish to remain officially uninvolved, and Robin Masters provides them with a perfect innocent collector.
How accommodating of you.
I have reason to believe that those three men who were here tonight are foreign operatives.
Working for the eccentric Peter Riddley-Smythe? Double agent and cinema buff? This is no joking matter, Magnum.
We must find Miss Northrup before they do.
Kenny! All right, I lied.
She does have the prism.
It's the key to translating the lost art.
And if we don't get to her before they do You mean she could be Okay, Higgins.
I'll play along with this little scenario.
Long enough to find out that Connie's okay.
You know where she is? Maybe.
I just have to make one little stop first.
I'm coming with you.
If Miss Northrup should return, keep her here until we get back.
Yeah, sure.
How do you know Miss Northrup? It's a long story.
You were engaged? No.
Not exactly.
More like engaged to be engaged.
But that was a long time ago.
And I'd appreciate it if you kept that information between us.
Well, the place hasn't changed much.
Extraordinary.
There's a fortune in rare antiquity here.
But no Connie.
I'm going to check the rest of the house out.
Hi.
Ah! T.
C! Why didn't you say it was you? You found the prism? You didn't give me a chance.
Look at this.
Why are you wearing that weird hat and jacket? Insurance.
I mean, if there really is a Peter Riddley-Smythe Extraordinary.
How did you know to come to this address? It was pretty simple, really.
I saved this old article that Connie Northrup had written for one of the archeological magazines that I subscribe to.
You subscribe to archeology magazines? Yeah, well, a couple.
Anyway, the article had her school address in it, so I called posing as a buyer.
And I got her home address.
I guess I got pretty lucky.
Indeed.
How did you get here? Well, apparently Magnum and Miss Northrup Are old friends.
That's all.
Well, I tried calling you at the club, but no one answered.
Higgins promised you a bundle of money to find the lost art.
I am not in it for the money, T.
M.
I am trying to help to find the lost art for purely humanitarian and historical reasons.
Wait a minute.
What did you say? I said, I'm not in it for the money No.
You said no one answered at the club.
Where's Rick? He was supposed to wait for Miss Northrup.
He'd have a long wait.
Connie.
Miss Northrup.
Miss Connie Northrup.
Hand over the prism, Mr.
Higgins.
An excellent suggestion.
Do hand it over.
In fact, I'll take it now.
I would so have enjoyed taking it from you, as usual, Jonathan.
It isn't over yet, Riddley-Smythe.
Thank you.
You must be the lovely Nyoka Gordon.
What are you saying? My name is Connie Northrup.
What is it this time, Peter? Maltese Falcon? Treasure of Sierra Madre? I'm sorry, Jonathan.
I'm truly sorry that you didn't get a chance to locate the lost ark.
Art.
Well, then.
Shall we go, Miss Northrup? I am sure you would not wish to witness the execution of such wonderful friends.
All right, everybody freeze! That goes for you, too, fat man.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you let the Hanole prism slip from our grasp.
Hey, Higgins.
You're being a little ungrateful, aren't you? I mean, if it weren't for me showing up when I did, you'd be waiting in line right now waiting for your harp and your little wings.
How did you know where to find us? Because I figured that Malcolm lost two of his top shooters and he'd need some local talent.
So I called Ice Pick, got some names, did a little tailing on my own, and got lucky.
The police haven't been able to get anything out of the gunmen.
And Connie's vanished into thin air.
No doubt the tart has run off with Malcolm to activate the prism.
She's not a tart, Higgins, and you could've saved us all a lot of grief by telling us what you were up to from the beginning.
I've told you before about Riddley-Smythe.
You never seemed to believe me.
Who's Riddley-Smythe? Peter Riddley-Smythe, a spy, a counter spy and a master thief who specializes in stealing the exotic.
Who's Malcolm? Malcolm is an Eastern Bloc agent who is trying to steal the prism for the other side.
I am not worried about Riddley-Smythe or Malcolm, I'm worried about Connie! Wait a minute.
Who's Connie? I think I recognize this, Higgins.
North by Northwest.
Wait a minute.
Who's Connie? No, Bad Day at Black Rock.
This isn't the time to be playing movie trivia.
We've got to figure out where Miss Northrup is.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do.
King Solomon's Mines, The Stewart Granger version, not the Richard Chamberlain.
Wait a minute.
Who's Connie Northrup? Yes? It's Connie Northrup.
I'm at your gate.
I'm sure Thomas will tell us what she said.
Yeah, give the man a little privacy.
I can't believe she got her hands on the prism and the map.
I had to convince them that I had to be alone with the prism and the map or the incantations wouldn't work.
They bought that? Well, Malcolm isn't exactly a rocket scientist.
But Riddley-Smythe.
I had to make certain romantic promises.
Connie.
Well, what did you expect me to do? I couldn't count on anyone else to rescue me.
I would've rescued you.
You could've counted on me.
Remember what happened the last time I counted on you? I came home to a note! "Dear Connie, I'm very sorry, but I have to leave.
" That's not what I said.
What I said was, "Dear Connie, I'm very sorry, but I have to leave.
" But, yeah, you're right, I should've talked to you in person, I know.
Or at least called, and I've been meaning to.
For seven years? Yes! I even drove by your house a couple of times, but I didn't see your car.
I I just guess I didn't know what to say, except that I made a mistake.
And I'm sorry.
Do you mean that? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Are you doing this again so you can hit me on the head with that? Oh, Connie.
I know.
I know, as usual our timing is awful.
I mean, how can we get reacquainted when people are trying to kill me? Thomas, this is all my fault.
I should never have written those articles on the lost art of the ancients.
It was just another pretty legend until I started publishing those articles about it.
Now everybody wants it, and nobody should have it.
Why? With the prism, I can translate the writings on the scroll.
But what if the writings turn out to be evil? Look, Connie, if you really believe that, it's better that Higgins finds it, than those other guys.
Trust me.
I want to.
The map! The map! The map! Stay here.
Higgins.
Thomas! No need to worry about him, my dear.
Higgins.
You all right? Rick's calling an ambulance.
Where's the map? Connie! Connie No sign of survivors? No sign of anything.
I checked the whole area.
That means that Connie, Miss Northrup, is dead.
I knew it! This is great.
Shock, shock.
He's trying to hide his feelings.
Now how am I supposed to find the lost art? What are you, crazy? You're worried about a stupid scroll when people are croaking around us? But they're not.
They're not! You trying to tell me you didn't see a boat explode? Oh, I saw the boat, all right.
And I thought Connie was on it.
That's exactly what Riddley-Smythe wanted me to think.
But she wasn't.
See, she jumped out of the chariot before it went over the cliff.
What chariot? What cliff? Oh, don't you remember? Nyoka and the Lost Secrets of Hippocrates.
She went over a cliff in a chariot and at the last moment she bailed out.
Of course, everybody in Miss Primmark's fourth-grade class thought she was dead until the next Saturday when It's too hard to explain, but that's exactly the kind of movie that Riddley-Smythe would try and copy.
He wants us to think that Connie is dead, so we'll stop looking for her.
Which we're not going to do.
Exactly! This is the craziest long shot you've ever played.
This terrain doesn't even remotely resemble the terrain in Nyoka and the Lost Secrets of Hippocrates.
Use your imagination, Higgins.
There are some similarities.
T.
C.
The camp.
You were right.
Here, you may need this.
I've got the whip.
I've waited a long time for this.
You little minx! Riddley-Smythe? Magnum? You okay? This is going to hurt a little bit.
I thought I was a goner! How did you figure out where we were? Easy.
Riddley-Smythe left one calling card too many.
What? Well, see, he sets up these elaborate movie Never mind that.
Let's get out of here.
What about the prism? Will you forget the prism? Thomas, can't you see now how dangerous the lost art is? If we don't find it ourselves and destroy it, then someone else will find it and use it for who knows what evil plan? If not Riddley-Smythe, then someone like him.
Could you live with yourself knowing that you saved your own neck but put all of mankind at risk? Yes, I think I could.
T.
C! We have to get out of here.
Higgins has got the whole camp in an uproar.
Magnum, I've got it.
The Hanole prism is ours.
What about the map? The prism's no good without the map.
Where's Rick? There was a slight altercation.
He was covering me while I liberated the prism.
Where's Rick? I wouldn't want to be you when they cut these ropes.
The truck.
Get in.
Can I hold that for you? Get in! Hey! It worked before.
Get the machine gun.
Hey! This is what the world has to look forward to.
They'll never stop coming after the lost art.
I guess you haven't changed after all.
You're not the crusader, Thomas Magnum, I knew seven years ago.
They're escaping! Get him, T.
C! Get the bullets.
They're getting a machine gun.
They never had any of this in Nyoka.
The choice is up to you.
Ow! Sorry.
I must've thought of the wrong movie.
Good God, man.
They'll obliterate us! Nice going, guys.
I'll meet you at the helicopter.
Hang on, man.
Can you get us back to the chopper through this mess? Yes, just as soon as we find the lost art.
I knew it! Oh, I knew you would come through! I knew you wouldn't let the whole world down! This is the cave I sent you to in the first place.
I know.
But this is where you got the wrong scroll before.
What makes you think the right one is here? The movie.
You've thought of the right movie.
What? No.
This doesn't have anything to do with any movie, Higgins.
I just got to thinking maybe the wrong scroll was just a decoy, protecting the right scroll.
Besides, Higgins, if your research led you to believe this was the right cave, you're usually not completely wrong.
Thank you.
But how did you figure out where the new entrance was? Simple mathematical calculation based on the angle of the falling debris when I was inside the cave.
Raiders of Ghost City? No, that's too western.
Besides, there are no trains in Hawaii.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's it.
We've found it! The ark Art.
Don't you mean art, Higgins? The lost art? Of course, I do.
The lost art is in the ark.
According to the legend.
Come on! Connie! I'm counting on you, Thomas! This is it, Thomas, the lost art of the ancients.
The prism will turn the petroglyphs into English.
Do you hear something? Here it comes, Mr.
Higgins.
Thank you, Miss Northrup.
Thank you both so much for acting out your part so faithfully.
I wouldn't have gone down into that pit, considering what's down there.
But I knew that Jonathan could be counted on to find somebody gullible enough.
Well, I suppose this is adieu.
By the time you've sorted out this movie, you'll both be dead.
Thomas.
Before we die, truth.
Are you sorry now that we didn't get married? Take off your skirt.
This is hardly the time or the place.
I need some cloth for a torch.
I have to find out what that hissing sound is.
It can't be snakes.
There's no snakes in Hawaii.
Even Riddley-Smythe couldn't arrange that.
But I still want to find out what that sound is.
Snakes.
Connie, please, you're not helping.
Well, neither are you! Just do something! Take off your clothes.
Thomas, I have feelings for you, too Connie.
but this is just not the time or the place Connie.
Whatever you can do without.
We need more torches.
Why don't you take off some of your clothes? Because I saw the movie.
Which movie? That's not important right now.
The Perils of Pauline? That's it.
I'm turning back.
No, no.
We can't give up.
After Thomas just drove off and left us with those maniacs with machine guns? You give me one good reason why I should go back to try to find him.
The lost art.
We're not rescuing Thomas.
We're rescuing the lost art for posterity.
T.
C.
, look! The truck! Don't worry, Thomas! We'll save you.
Help's on the way! There's gotta be a way out of here.
There was in the movie, there's gotta be one here.
Well, you better hurry up and find it.
I'm running out of clothes.
That's it! I don't know why I didn't see it before! No! Connie, we're out of here.
All we got to do is push this giant facade, a block will fall away, and we'll climb our way out of here.
Well, then, push it, for heaven's sake.
I am pushing.
I don't know how to tell you this, Connie.
But I think we're going to die.
I just wanted you to know that I've thought a lot about you over the last seven years And just because I never called doesn't mean Let's get out of here.
Verify the lost ark.
Art.
And I'll see you in Hades, first.
You already have the scroll.
Why don't we just terminate him and leave? I have to be sure that the scroll is authentic.
Do you know what my comrades Colleagues would do to me if I brought them the wrong art? Verify it.
Verify it.
Never! Oh, go ahead, Higgins.
Verify it.
Magnum.
It won't do you any good, anyway.
Kill him! If they shoot me, I shoot you.
Hold it! Hey, you! Come back with that scroll! I'll take that.
Never.
It's mine! Thomas! I thought I told you to wait until I came back for you.
The last time you told me I'll be right back I had to wait seven years.
I didn't say I'd be right back, I said I'll call you.
And I meant to.
I just lost track of time.
Right and you drove by the house a couple of times.
Well, Thomas, it's just not good enough.
Oh, Connie.
Riddley-Smythe is Well, do something! I He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.
I have a canoe.
Adieu! Done in by his own elaborate scheme.
Somebody should have told him.
In the movies the good guys always win.
Thomas, I'm going to be late for my plane and will not miss my worldwide lecture tour on the lost art.
What are you going to tell people about the scroll? It's a myth.
And so is the legendary Peter Riddley-Smythe.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
This is it.
This is the good part.
This is where Riddley-Smythe got the idea.
Thomas, I am very sorry, but I have to leave.
Connie! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Connie, I'm sorry.
Come on, I just got a little carried away.
No, I'm sorry I just kind of got carried away.
And after seven years is that all you can say to me, "Thomas, I'm very sorry, but I have to leave"? It's not what I said.
I said, "Thomas I'm very sorry, but I have to leave.
" Do you mean that? Yes, I do.
Aww.
Connie.
Magnum, I just realized how we can get back into cave.
Cave? To get the lost art.
Art? Goodbye, Thomas.
Connie.
Here, put these on and come with me.
I have a plan.
Magnum? Magnum? Magnum! Open this door immediately! Magnum! Magnum!