Man Up (2011) s01e03 Episode Script
Digging Deeper
I'm gonna check that control tower, See if there's any ammo.
You would not believe the day I had at work.
Craig, cover my flank! Cover your own flank.
What's the matter with you? Nothing.
I just don't care what happens to your flank.
Guys Are you still mad about the cheese? You left it out for three days.
I wasn't finished with it.
Why put something away if you're not done using it? Because it's cheese, kenny.
Guys, come on.
I'm trying to tell you about my day.
Oh, I'm sorry, william.
What's going on? Because I'm out of ammo, And captain anal is all up in my cheese, So This would be an excellent time to hear about your day.
So dana at work Here we go.
Super sexy.
She's at it again.
Every quarter we have to fill out These horrible tc-57 reports.
Upper management's obsessed with them, And dana's obsessed with upper management.
Hey, will.
How many tc-57 reports have you done so far? Sad.
I've done 36.
You gonna stay late and catch up? Oh, that's right.
You can't.
You've gotta get home to wifey and make more babies.
Yeah, it's horrible.
I have a family who loves me.
Mm.
Family-- the flypaper of life that keeps you from your dreams.
I'm gonna grab a power bar, pound some energy drinks, And work till 11:00.
(whispers) oh, yeah, and get your job.
She's very unpleasant.
She's also very un-ugly without an un-not-great behind.
(gunfire on video game) yeah, that works.
Will, would you relax? There's no way dana's getting your job.
Kenny, get your guy's face out of my butt.
Why don't you get your guy's butt out of my face? I'm serious, dude.
Quit it! I can't hear you.
My ears are surrounded by your guy's tushy! (laughing) (door opens) you like butts in faces? You like butts in faces? (laughs) wait a minute! Come here! No! Look out! Here, here, here.
I'm telling you, t.
Grant is so sweet and so built.
He is just a solid piece of man With solid Man Pieces.
But you like his mind, too, right? And not just because it controls the Man pieces.
Well, of course! I mean, he is thoughtful and kind And all that other crap I'm supposed to care about.
We've been doing all these projects together.
We built bookshelves.
Oh, and we took a pottery class at the learning center.
Guess what he did.
(the righteous brothers) oh, my love my darlin' I hunger (moans) Someone does that in every class I've taught, But this is the first time it's affected me.
Really? He "ghost"ed you? Full-on.
That is so romantic.
I know.
Ohh.
And he's still "ghost"ing me.
oh, my love my darlin' (squirt) I hun Oh, my god.
I know.
You know, when will and I were in college, He used to pick the lock on my bedroom door Mm-hmm.
Break in my room in the middle of the night And crawl into bed with me.
Wow, that sounds incredibly unsettling.
Maybe I didn't describe it well.
Uh-huh.
It-- it was very sexy.
After 15 years of marriage, It's just It's just different.
So Tell will you need him to do more creepy romantic stuff.
It wasn't creepy, and you can't tell a guy To do romantic stuff.
Then you don't know if he's really doing it Or just doing it because you told him to.
Then do a project like us.
You and will can spend time together.
You'll connect, and if you're lucky, By valentine's day, he'll be hiding in your closet With a stocking over his head.
It wasn't creepy.
What the Kenny! Ugh! I know, I know.
I didn't transfer my clothes into the dryer.
I was going to.
I saw the sign you put up.
There is a sword in the washer.
It punctured the drum! (clank) What is this? It's my roman short sword.
It must have fallen into my hamper.
And you didn't hear 5 pounds of sharp metal Going through the spin cycle? (loud clanking and rattling) Eh.
Yeah, I thought it was a nickel or something.
Next time, please do a visual check for swords Before you do laundry.
(clank) Or do I have to put up another sign? I don't think there's wall space left for another sign, craig.
(lisping, british accent) hello, swordius minimus.
Look how clean you are.
(inhales deeply) (laughs evilly) (whispers) shh, quiet.
So I was, uh, talking to brenda.
She and grant are really getting close.
They do all kinds of projects together.
(typing) It might be kind of fun if you and I did a project.
(laughs) I don't know.
Remember when we tried to stain that armoire? I ended up calling your mother a bitch, And she wasn't even there.
Yeah.
She did not have that coming.
Mm.
What about you and I taking a class together? Brenda left this learning center brochure.
There's ballroom dancing Mm-hmm.
The history of teepees, Human hair.
I don't know what that is.
Oh! Here's one that could be fun.
Improv.
(chuckles) improv? Yeah.
Come on.
I did a little improv in college.
It was great.
And remember doing it at the websters' game night? You were so funny when you pretended To be that shy barmaid arguing with a duck.
It was actually a nightmare.
Oh, you had fun.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I'm just not a project person, And I have a lot going on at work, and What's going on at work? Uh, nothing.
It's-- you know, it's just work stuff.
Well, do you wanna talk about it? No, not really.
(closes laptop) Not even with someone who's guarding the gates Of buckingham palace from a circus monkey Who's trying to break in? (imitates british accent) you naughty monkey.
You're a naughty, naughty monkey, you are! (normal voice) see, this is why I need the class.
Guess what I found in my cereal box this morning? Socks! A sock.
Singular.
Not socks.
And for all we know, it was a promotion For a new animated movie About a grown man's very dirty sock.
Guys, please, I have a lot of work to do.
Let me take you through the history.
After my divorce, craig took me in.
It's very nice of him, and then he became a whiny little douche.
(sighs) and now you're all caught up.
I'm sorry, kenny.
You missed a couple things.
He also left a roman short sword in the washer, Spilled pudding inside my piano, and for some reason, Has stopped flushing the toilet.
I get distracted.
Will, what do I do? Come on, will.
Fix us.
(sighs) I don't know.
Uh Projects are supposed to be good for people.
Do a project.
Are you kidding? We don't agree on anything.
How are we ever gonna decide what project to do? We can dig a pool in the backyard.
I love that idea.
Or you could do something that makes sense.
Think about it.
Pools are expensive because people want them fast, But if you dig a little bit every single day, Then you can build your own for practically nothing! Oh, I've always wanted a pool.
Plus I got that wheelbarrow when my nana died.
And I've done some cement work-- not well, But I've done it, and plumbing-- that's basically Just sticking pipes together with glue or something.
I don't see any way this can go wrong.
Hey, will.
Dopey, sleepy.
Which one's which? You're both both of them.
So, will, how far are you with your tc-57s? I'm up to 48.
It's not a competition, dana, but I'm up to 49, So I'm winning.
That's good.
I like a challenge.
It inspires me.
Dopey.
Smelly.
Skanky.
'cause you're a total skank! God, she's so pretty.
We should invite her over for a swim.
49 tc-57s? Dude, that is impressive.
I lied.
I've only done 29.
I am screwed! How does she do so many of them? I hear she goes to henry trunka on the second floor.
He does 'em for people.
That guy is a tc-57 machine.
I know that because he screamed it Drunk at the christmas party.
We're getting the shovel.
That I do not have.
Ha ha! Yah! This is gonna be great.
Hey, how many feet you think the deep end should be? Well, I did some research.
Guy at the coffee shop said normal pools are 8 feet deep, So I'm thinking 15? Excellent.
(thud) Hey.
Yeah? I'm glad we're doing this together.
Me, too.
Yeah.
Yah! Hey, what are we gonna do with all this dirt? Yeah, I was thinking about that.
You know why dirt removal is so expensive? Because everybody wants it done immediately.
Exactly.
Fools.
(both cackle) Shh! Shh! Ice cream man.
(shovel thuds) Henry, uh, I heard that you fill out Certain forms for certain people.
Yes, I sometimes help people with their tc-57s.
I'm very good at them.
You know why I'm so good? No, but I'm fine keeping some secrets from one another.
Because I find beauty in their complexity and tedium.
Okay, uh, so can you-- can you help me? First, I'd like you to offer me your friendship.
Done.
My friend.
In the form of a gift.
What did dana get you? Uh, she showed me her stomach and let me poke it.
But only once.
Uh, how about if I gave you, uh, $20? Or $50? Or both $20 and $50.
Plus another $50.
And another $20.
Make me 5002-inch by 2-inch rice krispie treats.
500?! That's crazy.
Plus 4 liters of homemade dr pepper.
And it has to be homemade.
I'll know if it's not.
I'm not doing any of that, henry.
Suit yourself.
But know this, will keen Once you leave my cubicle You can always change your mind and come back.
Okay.
Really? Will said he wouldn't do a project with you? Yeah, but I'm not done yet.
I'm pretty good at getting will to do what I want.
Remember will's smooth-chested summer? I don't know, t.
Maybe you should just let it go.
That pottery class grant and I did together-- It's kinda taken a bad turn.
oh, my love my darlin' I hunger for your touch (water running) a long (spits) lonely time Flossing is the least enjoyable thing A man's ever done to me from behind.
Why don't you say something to him? He thinks it's romantic.
I can't tell him to not be romantic.
That's even harder than telling someone to be romantic.
I don't wanna hurt his feelings.
(laughing) hey! Now this one is fair game.
Ah.
(bucket handle clanks) Just one bucket today, kenny? Not very hungry? No, I thought you might need something to put over your head So men will have sex with you.
Wow.
I lost that round.
Yeah.
So, uh, what is with the buckets, guys? We built you a flower mound.
It's like a flower bed, only higher.
And it still needs flowers.
Hmm.
Sounds an awful lot like a pile of dirt.
It's great.
Soon, everybody's gonna want one.
And then you'll ask us to build you another one.
Which we will do.
Perhaps as soon as tomorrow.
Excellent idea, buddy.
(clenches teeth) thank you.
Fellas, where's the dirt coming from? Kenny and I weren't getting along, And will suggested that we do a project together.
We're digging a pool.
(chuckles) (laughs) will suggested you do a project together? My will? I like to think of him as everybody's will.
(forces laugh) Unbelievable.
(whispers) we should go.
Marco Polo.
Marco Polo.
Marco Polo.
Marco Hey, fellas.
Ah! Fish out of water! You're it! Dude, he totally got you.
Craig, I need your timberland- donaldson actuary table.
I think dana stole mine.
It's in the dining room next to the diving board And the chlorine tablets.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You may not wanna rush home.
Theresa was acting a little strange before.
Strange? How? Asking things in that way a cat might question a mouse, And the mouse Us.
Knows that matter what it says, it's never gonna come up With an answer that keeps it or its friend You.
From getting batted around the kitchen.
The kitchen.
Hey, you wanna change it up a little bit And challenge the old couple next door to a chicken fight? Absolutely.
Helen! Gene! You guys awake?! (dog howls in distance) You gotta be louder than that, brother.
Sorry.
Helen, gene, are you guys awake?! (loudly) helen! Gene! (dog barking in distance) You know what? He doesn't have his ears in.
Hi, honey.
Hello.
God, it's good to see you.
I missed my girl.
Ah, I missed you, too.
Mm.
(chuckles) I saw kenny and craig today.
Yeah, can you believe those two, digging a pool? Because you told them to do a project together.
Yeah.
You thought a project was a good idea for your friends, But not for you and your girl, who you miss so much.
Yeah.
You're mad.
I'm not mad.
I could be mad, but you know what? I'm gonna trade in my mad for something That you and I are going to do together tonight.
I- I-I-- tonight's not good.
I- I-I have a lot of work That can wait.
(thud) Because I am excited to do whatever my girl wants.
Welcome to the magical world of improv! (scottish brogue) you have soiled my wedding bed, brother.
(british accent) 'tis a shame That fate has crossed our swords, brother.
We shall celebrate in heaven.
Or fight you to hell! Aah! Aah! Yah! (both yelling) Uhh! (screaming) (groaning) (imitates blood spurting) Aah! Aah! (imitates blood spurting) (makes whooshing sound) (sighs) that was awesome.
(blade whooshing) you wanna see if I can knock Steak knives out of the air with my sword? Indeed, I do.
I love that man.
Yah! (whooshing) Maybe we should start with carrots.
(bottles rattle) (laughs) (refrigerator door closes) hey, kenny! You left your cell phone in the refrigerator! (beep) Son of a Okay, will, theresa, Yes.
You are shipwrecked on a deserted island.
Remember, in improv, we never say "no.
" Be positive.
Go! Um Why don't we collect some coconuts? Here's one.
I'm sorry.
Did you not want to do the coconut project? Not really.
Stay positive.
Not really! What's the deal, will? Why don't you wanna collect coconuts with me? It's not you.
I'm just busy on The-- the other island where I go every day To pay for this island.
What's going on on that other island? I'm getting my coconuts handed to me by some Mongoose who's young and ambitious With a perfect stomach.
I like where this is going.
Will is falling in love with a mongoose.
Tell her about your love for the mongoose, will.
I don't love the mongoose.
I can't stand her.
But upper mongoose management loves her, And she's kicking my butt writing these Quarterly Clam reports.
Why didn't you tell me you were having clam problems With your work mongoose? Because it's humiliating! Joe, they're dying up there.
Jump in.
(thud) uhh! (panting) Hello.
I think you and I should find a lagoon and make love.
(whispers) remember, you're not supposed to say "no," Or you'll fail the class.
What are we doing here, theresa? Brenda tells me all this stuff About her new relationship with grant, And I just wanted us to be more connected.
We can be more connected In the lagoon.
Theresa, I'm sorry, hon.
But I always feel connected to you, theresa.
Always.
Let's go home.
I have a different project that we can do together.
(all "oohing" and "aahing") Not That.
(under breath) maybe a little bit of that.
You will marry my daughter.
Hey! (grunts) dude! Dude! Oh.
I thought those were steak knives.
You got a text.
"are you available tomorrow To look at a 2-bedroom, 1-bath in west jefferson?" What, were you just gonna leave me here With a half-dug pool and a 2-man floatie chair? Well, yeah, 'cause I thought you were gonna kick me out! What are you talking about? Three weeks ago, you started riding me About every little thing I did.
Well, maybe that's because three weeks ago, I walked by your computer and saw that you were looking For another place to live.
I thought you liked it here.
I was looking for another place because I thought You didn't wanna live with such a slob.
You freaked out when you put your banana down In my beard trimmings and then ate it.
Yes, it was disgusting that someone would trim their beard In the kitchen and that I would Eat it.
But why would you think that that meant I was gonna kick you out? Because (sighs) that's what brenda did.
(sighs) I wasn't gonna ask you to leave.
I mean, who else would watch "dukes of hazzard" marathons with me? Or dare me to slide down the chimney? Or help me get out of a chimney? You really bought a 2-man floatie chair? We're two men, aren't we? Man, we gotta communicate.
If we're gonna live together And build an awesome pool together You're right.
And I'm gonna communicate one thing to you right now.
I did the math this morning, and we are way off.
This pool's gonna take six to eight years.
Wow.
So I need to know you're in this for the long haul.
We'd better get to work.
Dude, I just told you.
We have six to eight years.
(high-pitched voice) take it easy! Okay, okay.
Yeah, that's it.
I hate being "ghost"ed all the time.
I thought you would stop After that huge misunderstanding at the a.
T.
M.
I see.
How long have you been feeling this way? Just now.
A little while.
So You don't want me to do it anymore? I'm sorry, honey.
No, actually, I'm relieved.
I only kept it up Because I thought you liked it.
(groans) Well, from now on, you should share your feelings with me.
Really? You think you're ready for that? Ready spaghetti.
Okay.
(sighs) Your back rubs are excruciatingly painful.
Your organic deodorant stone does not work, And little phrases like "ready spaghetti" Make you sound like a dork.
Thank you.
My turn.
Your breath smells like tap water.
You need to take a class on grammar, And your resistance to recycling is stunning.
Yeah, this could work.
Don't forget, when you get to 6-a, Make sure all your exemption relatables coincide.
Coincide with what? Exactly.
I'd rather be back at the lagoon, Connecting with joe.
Well, there is another way to get these done.
We only need 400 more.
How you holding up, honey? I think I have something here That vaguely tastes like dr pepper.
oh, my love Oh.
Mmm.
my darlin' I hunger for your touch This actually tastes like dr pepper.
It should.
It's $20 a glass.
Theresa's the one who figured it out, And with her help, I beat dana.
Well, then victories all around, because we had a breakthrough With our new pool design.
We're gonna build a grotto And an underground swim tunnel beneath the shed.
Did you guys pull permits for any of this? Permits? Ignore him.
He's never dug a pool.
He doesn't have what it takes.
You mean the ability to foresee consequences, Like you two floating dead in your swim tunnel? You know what, will? I am not gonna letou take the joy out of this moment.
Okay? In fact, Nothing could take the-- snake! Snake! Snake! Dude, there's a snake! Aah! Aah! Where's my sword?!
You would not believe the day I had at work.
Craig, cover my flank! Cover your own flank.
What's the matter with you? Nothing.
I just don't care what happens to your flank.
Guys Are you still mad about the cheese? You left it out for three days.
I wasn't finished with it.
Why put something away if you're not done using it? Because it's cheese, kenny.
Guys, come on.
I'm trying to tell you about my day.
Oh, I'm sorry, william.
What's going on? Because I'm out of ammo, And captain anal is all up in my cheese, So This would be an excellent time to hear about your day.
So dana at work Here we go.
Super sexy.
She's at it again.
Every quarter we have to fill out These horrible tc-57 reports.
Upper management's obsessed with them, And dana's obsessed with upper management.
Hey, will.
How many tc-57 reports have you done so far? Sad.
I've done 36.
You gonna stay late and catch up? Oh, that's right.
You can't.
You've gotta get home to wifey and make more babies.
Yeah, it's horrible.
I have a family who loves me.
Mm.
Family-- the flypaper of life that keeps you from your dreams.
I'm gonna grab a power bar, pound some energy drinks, And work till 11:00.
(whispers) oh, yeah, and get your job.
She's very unpleasant.
She's also very un-ugly without an un-not-great behind.
(gunfire on video game) yeah, that works.
Will, would you relax? There's no way dana's getting your job.
Kenny, get your guy's face out of my butt.
Why don't you get your guy's butt out of my face? I'm serious, dude.
Quit it! I can't hear you.
My ears are surrounded by your guy's tushy! (laughing) (door opens) you like butts in faces? You like butts in faces? (laughs) wait a minute! Come here! No! Look out! Here, here, here.
I'm telling you, t.
Grant is so sweet and so built.
He is just a solid piece of man With solid Man Pieces.
But you like his mind, too, right? And not just because it controls the Man pieces.
Well, of course! I mean, he is thoughtful and kind And all that other crap I'm supposed to care about.
We've been doing all these projects together.
We built bookshelves.
Oh, and we took a pottery class at the learning center.
Guess what he did.
(the righteous brothers) oh, my love my darlin' I hunger (moans) Someone does that in every class I've taught, But this is the first time it's affected me.
Really? He "ghost"ed you? Full-on.
That is so romantic.
I know.
Ohh.
And he's still "ghost"ing me.
oh, my love my darlin' (squirt) I hun Oh, my god.
I know.
You know, when will and I were in college, He used to pick the lock on my bedroom door Mm-hmm.
Break in my room in the middle of the night And crawl into bed with me.
Wow, that sounds incredibly unsettling.
Maybe I didn't describe it well.
Uh-huh.
It-- it was very sexy.
After 15 years of marriage, It's just It's just different.
So Tell will you need him to do more creepy romantic stuff.
It wasn't creepy, and you can't tell a guy To do romantic stuff.
Then you don't know if he's really doing it Or just doing it because you told him to.
Then do a project like us.
You and will can spend time together.
You'll connect, and if you're lucky, By valentine's day, he'll be hiding in your closet With a stocking over his head.
It wasn't creepy.
What the Kenny! Ugh! I know, I know.
I didn't transfer my clothes into the dryer.
I was going to.
I saw the sign you put up.
There is a sword in the washer.
It punctured the drum! (clank) What is this? It's my roman short sword.
It must have fallen into my hamper.
And you didn't hear 5 pounds of sharp metal Going through the spin cycle? (loud clanking and rattling) Eh.
Yeah, I thought it was a nickel or something.
Next time, please do a visual check for swords Before you do laundry.
(clank) Or do I have to put up another sign? I don't think there's wall space left for another sign, craig.
(lisping, british accent) hello, swordius minimus.
Look how clean you are.
(inhales deeply) (laughs evilly) (whispers) shh, quiet.
So I was, uh, talking to brenda.
She and grant are really getting close.
They do all kinds of projects together.
(typing) It might be kind of fun if you and I did a project.
(laughs) I don't know.
Remember when we tried to stain that armoire? I ended up calling your mother a bitch, And she wasn't even there.
Yeah.
She did not have that coming.
Mm.
What about you and I taking a class together? Brenda left this learning center brochure.
There's ballroom dancing Mm-hmm.
The history of teepees, Human hair.
I don't know what that is.
Oh! Here's one that could be fun.
Improv.
(chuckles) improv? Yeah.
Come on.
I did a little improv in college.
It was great.
And remember doing it at the websters' game night? You were so funny when you pretended To be that shy barmaid arguing with a duck.
It was actually a nightmare.
Oh, you had fun.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I'm just not a project person, And I have a lot going on at work, and What's going on at work? Uh, nothing.
It's-- you know, it's just work stuff.
Well, do you wanna talk about it? No, not really.
(closes laptop) Not even with someone who's guarding the gates Of buckingham palace from a circus monkey Who's trying to break in? (imitates british accent) you naughty monkey.
You're a naughty, naughty monkey, you are! (normal voice) see, this is why I need the class.
Guess what I found in my cereal box this morning? Socks! A sock.
Singular.
Not socks.
And for all we know, it was a promotion For a new animated movie About a grown man's very dirty sock.
Guys, please, I have a lot of work to do.
Let me take you through the history.
After my divorce, craig took me in.
It's very nice of him, and then he became a whiny little douche.
(sighs) and now you're all caught up.
I'm sorry, kenny.
You missed a couple things.
He also left a roman short sword in the washer, Spilled pudding inside my piano, and for some reason, Has stopped flushing the toilet.
I get distracted.
Will, what do I do? Come on, will.
Fix us.
(sighs) I don't know.
Uh Projects are supposed to be good for people.
Do a project.
Are you kidding? We don't agree on anything.
How are we ever gonna decide what project to do? We can dig a pool in the backyard.
I love that idea.
Or you could do something that makes sense.
Think about it.
Pools are expensive because people want them fast, But if you dig a little bit every single day, Then you can build your own for practically nothing! Oh, I've always wanted a pool.
Plus I got that wheelbarrow when my nana died.
And I've done some cement work-- not well, But I've done it, and plumbing-- that's basically Just sticking pipes together with glue or something.
I don't see any way this can go wrong.
Hey, will.
Dopey, sleepy.
Which one's which? You're both both of them.
So, will, how far are you with your tc-57s? I'm up to 48.
It's not a competition, dana, but I'm up to 49, So I'm winning.
That's good.
I like a challenge.
It inspires me.
Dopey.
Smelly.
Skanky.
'cause you're a total skank! God, she's so pretty.
We should invite her over for a swim.
49 tc-57s? Dude, that is impressive.
I lied.
I've only done 29.
I am screwed! How does she do so many of them? I hear she goes to henry trunka on the second floor.
He does 'em for people.
That guy is a tc-57 machine.
I know that because he screamed it Drunk at the christmas party.
We're getting the shovel.
That I do not have.
Ha ha! Yah! This is gonna be great.
Hey, how many feet you think the deep end should be? Well, I did some research.
Guy at the coffee shop said normal pools are 8 feet deep, So I'm thinking 15? Excellent.
(thud) Hey.
Yeah? I'm glad we're doing this together.
Me, too.
Yeah.
Yah! Hey, what are we gonna do with all this dirt? Yeah, I was thinking about that.
You know why dirt removal is so expensive? Because everybody wants it done immediately.
Exactly.
Fools.
(both cackle) Shh! Shh! Ice cream man.
(shovel thuds) Henry, uh, I heard that you fill out Certain forms for certain people.
Yes, I sometimes help people with their tc-57s.
I'm very good at them.
You know why I'm so good? No, but I'm fine keeping some secrets from one another.
Because I find beauty in their complexity and tedium.
Okay, uh, so can you-- can you help me? First, I'd like you to offer me your friendship.
Done.
My friend.
In the form of a gift.
What did dana get you? Uh, she showed me her stomach and let me poke it.
But only once.
Uh, how about if I gave you, uh, $20? Or $50? Or both $20 and $50.
Plus another $50.
And another $20.
Make me 5002-inch by 2-inch rice krispie treats.
500?! That's crazy.
Plus 4 liters of homemade dr pepper.
And it has to be homemade.
I'll know if it's not.
I'm not doing any of that, henry.
Suit yourself.
But know this, will keen Once you leave my cubicle You can always change your mind and come back.
Okay.
Really? Will said he wouldn't do a project with you? Yeah, but I'm not done yet.
I'm pretty good at getting will to do what I want.
Remember will's smooth-chested summer? I don't know, t.
Maybe you should just let it go.
That pottery class grant and I did together-- It's kinda taken a bad turn.
oh, my love my darlin' I hunger for your touch (water running) a long (spits) lonely time Flossing is the least enjoyable thing A man's ever done to me from behind.
Why don't you say something to him? He thinks it's romantic.
I can't tell him to not be romantic.
That's even harder than telling someone to be romantic.
I don't wanna hurt his feelings.
(laughing) hey! Now this one is fair game.
Ah.
(bucket handle clanks) Just one bucket today, kenny? Not very hungry? No, I thought you might need something to put over your head So men will have sex with you.
Wow.
I lost that round.
Yeah.
So, uh, what is with the buckets, guys? We built you a flower mound.
It's like a flower bed, only higher.
And it still needs flowers.
Hmm.
Sounds an awful lot like a pile of dirt.
It's great.
Soon, everybody's gonna want one.
And then you'll ask us to build you another one.
Which we will do.
Perhaps as soon as tomorrow.
Excellent idea, buddy.
(clenches teeth) thank you.
Fellas, where's the dirt coming from? Kenny and I weren't getting along, And will suggested that we do a project together.
We're digging a pool.
(chuckles) (laughs) will suggested you do a project together? My will? I like to think of him as everybody's will.
(forces laugh) Unbelievable.
(whispers) we should go.
Marco Polo.
Marco Polo.
Marco Polo.
Marco Hey, fellas.
Ah! Fish out of water! You're it! Dude, he totally got you.
Craig, I need your timberland- donaldson actuary table.
I think dana stole mine.
It's in the dining room next to the diving board And the chlorine tablets.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You may not wanna rush home.
Theresa was acting a little strange before.
Strange? How? Asking things in that way a cat might question a mouse, And the mouse Us.
Knows that matter what it says, it's never gonna come up With an answer that keeps it or its friend You.
From getting batted around the kitchen.
The kitchen.
Hey, you wanna change it up a little bit And challenge the old couple next door to a chicken fight? Absolutely.
Helen! Gene! You guys awake?! (dog howls in distance) You gotta be louder than that, brother.
Sorry.
Helen, gene, are you guys awake?! (loudly) helen! Gene! (dog barking in distance) You know what? He doesn't have his ears in.
Hi, honey.
Hello.
God, it's good to see you.
I missed my girl.
Ah, I missed you, too.
Mm.
(chuckles) I saw kenny and craig today.
Yeah, can you believe those two, digging a pool? Because you told them to do a project together.
Yeah.
You thought a project was a good idea for your friends, But not for you and your girl, who you miss so much.
Yeah.
You're mad.
I'm not mad.
I could be mad, but you know what? I'm gonna trade in my mad for something That you and I are going to do together tonight.
I- I-I-- tonight's not good.
I- I-I have a lot of work That can wait.
(thud) Because I am excited to do whatever my girl wants.
Welcome to the magical world of improv! (scottish brogue) you have soiled my wedding bed, brother.
(british accent) 'tis a shame That fate has crossed our swords, brother.
We shall celebrate in heaven.
Or fight you to hell! Aah! Aah! Yah! (both yelling) Uhh! (screaming) (groaning) (imitates blood spurting) Aah! Aah! (imitates blood spurting) (makes whooshing sound) (sighs) that was awesome.
(blade whooshing) you wanna see if I can knock Steak knives out of the air with my sword? Indeed, I do.
I love that man.
Yah! (whooshing) Maybe we should start with carrots.
(bottles rattle) (laughs) (refrigerator door closes) hey, kenny! You left your cell phone in the refrigerator! (beep) Son of a Okay, will, theresa, Yes.
You are shipwrecked on a deserted island.
Remember, in improv, we never say "no.
" Be positive.
Go! Um Why don't we collect some coconuts? Here's one.
I'm sorry.
Did you not want to do the coconut project? Not really.
Stay positive.
Not really! What's the deal, will? Why don't you wanna collect coconuts with me? It's not you.
I'm just busy on The-- the other island where I go every day To pay for this island.
What's going on on that other island? I'm getting my coconuts handed to me by some Mongoose who's young and ambitious With a perfect stomach.
I like where this is going.
Will is falling in love with a mongoose.
Tell her about your love for the mongoose, will.
I don't love the mongoose.
I can't stand her.
But upper mongoose management loves her, And she's kicking my butt writing these Quarterly Clam reports.
Why didn't you tell me you were having clam problems With your work mongoose? Because it's humiliating! Joe, they're dying up there.
Jump in.
(thud) uhh! (panting) Hello.
I think you and I should find a lagoon and make love.
(whispers) remember, you're not supposed to say "no," Or you'll fail the class.
What are we doing here, theresa? Brenda tells me all this stuff About her new relationship with grant, And I just wanted us to be more connected.
We can be more connected In the lagoon.
Theresa, I'm sorry, hon.
But I always feel connected to you, theresa.
Always.
Let's go home.
I have a different project that we can do together.
(all "oohing" and "aahing") Not That.
(under breath) maybe a little bit of that.
You will marry my daughter.
Hey! (grunts) dude! Dude! Oh.
I thought those were steak knives.
You got a text.
"are you available tomorrow To look at a 2-bedroom, 1-bath in west jefferson?" What, were you just gonna leave me here With a half-dug pool and a 2-man floatie chair? Well, yeah, 'cause I thought you were gonna kick me out! What are you talking about? Three weeks ago, you started riding me About every little thing I did.
Well, maybe that's because three weeks ago, I walked by your computer and saw that you were looking For another place to live.
I thought you liked it here.
I was looking for another place because I thought You didn't wanna live with such a slob.
You freaked out when you put your banana down In my beard trimmings and then ate it.
Yes, it was disgusting that someone would trim their beard In the kitchen and that I would Eat it.
But why would you think that that meant I was gonna kick you out? Because (sighs) that's what brenda did.
(sighs) I wasn't gonna ask you to leave.
I mean, who else would watch "dukes of hazzard" marathons with me? Or dare me to slide down the chimney? Or help me get out of a chimney? You really bought a 2-man floatie chair? We're two men, aren't we? Man, we gotta communicate.
If we're gonna live together And build an awesome pool together You're right.
And I'm gonna communicate one thing to you right now.
I did the math this morning, and we are way off.
This pool's gonna take six to eight years.
Wow.
So I need to know you're in this for the long haul.
We'd better get to work.
Dude, I just told you.
We have six to eight years.
(high-pitched voice) take it easy! Okay, okay.
Yeah, that's it.
I hate being "ghost"ed all the time.
I thought you would stop After that huge misunderstanding at the a.
T.
M.
I see.
How long have you been feeling this way? Just now.
A little while.
So You don't want me to do it anymore? I'm sorry, honey.
No, actually, I'm relieved.
I only kept it up Because I thought you liked it.
(groans) Well, from now on, you should share your feelings with me.
Really? You think you're ready for that? Ready spaghetti.
Okay.
(sighs) Your back rubs are excruciatingly painful.
Your organic deodorant stone does not work, And little phrases like "ready spaghetti" Make you sound like a dork.
Thank you.
My turn.
Your breath smells like tap water.
You need to take a class on grammar, And your resistance to recycling is stunning.
Yeah, this could work.
Don't forget, when you get to 6-a, Make sure all your exemption relatables coincide.
Coincide with what? Exactly.
I'd rather be back at the lagoon, Connecting with joe.
Well, there is another way to get these done.
We only need 400 more.
How you holding up, honey? I think I have something here That vaguely tastes like dr pepper.
oh, my love Oh.
Mmm.
my darlin' I hunger for your touch This actually tastes like dr pepper.
It should.
It's $20 a glass.
Theresa's the one who figured it out, And with her help, I beat dana.
Well, then victories all around, because we had a breakthrough With our new pool design.
We're gonna build a grotto And an underground swim tunnel beneath the shed.
Did you guys pull permits for any of this? Permits? Ignore him.
He's never dug a pool.
He doesn't have what it takes.
You mean the ability to foresee consequences, Like you two floating dead in your swim tunnel? You know what, will? I am not gonna letou take the joy out of this moment.
Okay? In fact, Nothing could take the-- snake! Snake! Snake! Dude, there's a snake! Aah! Aah! Where's my sword?!