Marvel's Avengers Assemble (2013) s04e08 Episode Script

Why I Hate Halloween

1 [WEAPONS FIRING] [HAWKEYE] What kind of morons try to hide a secret base underneath Manhattan? [GRUNTS] [GRUNTING] Hydra really needs to get a new playbook.
[GROANS] Seriously.
Aah! [GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] [GROANS] You're slipping, Avenger! Hail Hydra! Hail [YELLS] - Man, they love to talk.
- [CAPTAIN AMERICA] Stay focused, Hawkeye.
Overconfidence loses battles.
[GRUNTING] [CRYING OUT] [ALL SHOUTING] [HULK GRUNTS] [ROARS] [EXCLAIMING] If this lousy base makes me miss Halloween tonight, I'm gonna take it out on every Hydra goon here.
The base isn't the mission, Hulk.
We're here for the scientist.
Fan out and find her.
Well, well, well.
One evil Hydra scientist, one awesome superhero and oh, look a bunch of arrows.
Looks like I got you outnumbered.
Count again.
I never was that good at math.
[GRUNTS] Okay, that is not good.
On the contrary.
These are the Mark II prototypes, designed with the Avengers in mind.
You and your little bow are outmatched.
Prototypes, huh? As in, not quite ready for prime time? I can work with that.
And it's not about the bow, lady.
The name's not Hawk-bow, it's Hawk-eye! [GRUNTS] As in, eyes always on the prize.
You are caught, evil genius lady.
Okay, team.
Our Hydra scientist's name is Whitney Frost.
Dr.
Frost, why don't you tell us what you've been doing here? I do many things, Captain America.
You have to be more specific.
Your experiments with vampires specifically.
[SCOFFS] Vampires? As if I didn't already hate Halloween.
Hydra soldiers aren't able to do what we need them to.
But with vampire powers strength, vision, speed Once I stabilize the serum, we will have an army of super-soldiers.
That's not going to happen.
Iron Man, wipe Hydra's computers.
Delete everything they know.
Consider it done.
[BEEPS] The formula's not in the computers, it's in my head.
If you were all that smart, Frost, then you'd know vampires really don't like humans messing with their stuff.
[VAMPIRES HISSING] [GRUNTING] [HULK GRUNTS] The vampires are after me? Hey, ya think? The team and I will hold them off.
Hawkeye, get her out of here and take her to the Beach House.
What? No.
I hate the Beach House.
It's the safest place.
The Beach House, Hawkeye.
Go! Now! [GRUNTS] Let's go.
This is your idea of keeping me safe? [CHUCKLING] Oh, no.
None of this was my idea.
And I'll keep you safe, but I ain't promising comfortable.
Hey, guess who I stole the web arrow idea from.
Come on.
Guess.
That's not gonna stop them.
[HISSING, SNARLING] Doesn't need to stop 'em.
Just needs to slow 'em down.
Ha-ha! Hydra cycles.
I am great at Hydra cycles.
Of all the Avengers to get stuck with, I get you.
- Not Iron Man, not Hulk - Whoa.
The Hulk? Really? You'd choose him over me? Wow.
That is That is just harsh.
[VAMPIRES HISSING, SNARLING] Frost, think fast.
[GRUNTS] Listen up, one: the other Avengers are busy holding off the vampires for you.
Two: you don't get a vote because wait for it you're evil.
And three: there's a good reason Cap picked me.
- And that is? - I know where the Beach House is.
[HISSING, SNARLING CONTINUE] [TIRES SCREECHING] [BIRDS TWITTERING] This is the Beach House? Um, hi.
It's a code name.
All our safe houses have code names, because no one would think to look for a beach house here in Rutland, Vermont.
Don't worry.
This place has everything.
Perimeter defense array, canons, cameras, shielding.
Even one of those fancy single-serving coffee machines.
Yeah.
Keeps trick-or-treaters out.
Keeps wacky evil geniuses in.
Enough security to hold off the Hulk.
It's not the Hulk who worries me.
It's what comes after dark.
House, get me a location on Captain America.
And give me my backup quiver.
This is so unfair.
The Avengers have all this but don't do anything with it.
At least Hydra tries to change the world.
No.
Hydra wants to own the world.
The Avengers save the world.
You're a genius, Frost.
You know I'm right.
No response from Cap? House, try him again.
[BEEPS] [SOFT ELECTRICAL BUZZING] [BEEPING] [BUZZING STOPS] The vampires got him.
It's the only answer.
The vampires didn't get him.
House, give me a location on Black Widow.
[BEEPING] That's impossible.
According to this, Black Widow's here.
Hey, Hawkeye, wanna come out and play? Crossbones and the Crimson Widow.
Look at this.
They sent us to fetch Frost, but looks like we get to hurt Hawkeye.
- Bonus.
- Barely half an Avenger.
So dull.
I wanted Romanov.
Aw, you're not getting what you want.
But you'll get the butt-kicking you deserve.
[GRUNTS] [GROANING] House, emergency lockdown! [YELENA] So careless, Hawkeye, forgetting to disable to bike's tracker.
Frost, make yourself useful and open the doors.
[BEEPING] [YELLS] [CHUCKLING] [GRUNTING] [HAWKEYE] What, leaving so soon? Uh-oh.
[CRIES OUT] [GRUNTS] [STRAINING] [GRUNTS] You waste your time, Hawkeye.
[GRUNTS] I disabled your defensive weapons systems.
Yeah.
And I just reset 'em.
House, target hostiles.
[WHIRRING] [KNOCKING ON DOOR] You expecting somebody? Frost, open the shields.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] [HAWKEYE] Nobody's there.
[VAMPIRES SNARLING] [GASPS] Dracula.
Good evening.
What is that quaint Western expression? Oh, yes.
Trick or treat.
[DRACULA] Dracula is not here for you, Avenger, and not for these Hydra fools, either.
I have come for her.
[GASPS] She has meddled in the affairs of the vampires.
She must be chastised.
[VAMPIRES SNARLING] Hand her over to me now, and perhaps I will allow you to live.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, that's not happening.
No chastising tonight, tooth boy.
"Tooth boy"? Have you just called the immortal Dracula, lord of all vampires, "tooth boy"? I know the rules, Drac.
This is my house.
You and the bite brigade can't set one toe in here unless I invite you.
And guess what.
[CHUCKLING] You are so not invited.
And what will you say when there is no house in which to invite me? What Dracula desires, Dracula will have.
Tear the house down! The woman will suffer our wrath! The others will suffer death! [SNARLING CONTINUES] I thought you said this place could hold off the Hulk.
Well, yeah.
It can see the Hulk.
But vampires are invisible to tech.
House can't fight what it can't see.
We're stuck in here.
What are we supposed to do? Get to the middle of the cabin.
It's our best bet.
We have to hold them off as long as we can.
"We"? What makes you think we'd work with the likes of you? Because your lives are on the line here too.
We team up and eventually walk out of here alive.
Or do you wanna do your own thing, and we all get wiped out? [SNARLING] Ugh! Fine.
We team up.
[GRUNTS] Then let's do this.
It's like whack-a-mole with vampires.
Still fighting? It will only make our victory sweeter when I hold your lifeless Huh? [GRUNTS] [GROWLS] I thought you knew the rules, bowman.
Your metal arrows can do nothing to So be it, bowman.
[VAMPIRES SNARLING] [SIRENS WAILING] [HULK ROARING] [GRUNTING] [CAPTAIN AMERICA] Hulk, watch your six! [HISSING] I'm gonna miss trick or treat because of vampires wrecking my Halloween! [SNARLING] [ROARS] [GRUNTING] Well, maybe we can start a new tradition.
Smashoween.
What do you think, big guy? "Smashoween"? I like it.
Hee-hee-hee.
- That didn't feel like a retreat.
- Then what was it? That felt like they got new orders.
Boo.
One more surge, and the cabin will fall.
I thought you said the house couldn't see vampires.
It can't.
So I set the firing pattern to "random.
" I'm a genius, remember? The house defense system just went down.
Someone must've tampered with it.
It was Crimson Widow.
She sabotaged the systems earlier.
And you helped me do it.
[SIGHS] This is pointless.
- We can't hold out forever.
- The vamps don't even want us.
Maybe we could just finish these two off and bail.
Hydra sent you to rescue me! You're not an asset anymore.
You're a liability.
Hydra cuts its losses when necessary.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] [HAWKEYE] Who wants to answer that? Anyone? [SIGHS] Man, I do everything around here.
Dracula's patience is at an end, bowman.
I should slay each of you, but I'm not going to.
You're not? I'm offering you a deal.
You three are free to go and will not be harmed.
As lord of all vampires, you have my word.
All I want is the Frost woman.
Nothing's changed, Drac.
You're out there, and we're in here.
The four of us can take anything you got.
The four of you? [CHUCKLES] Cutting losses.
You know, kind of saw that coming.
You should have taken my offer.
My forces are replenished now, while yours are at low ebb.
Breathe your last among the living, and then join the undead.
[HISSING, SNARLING] This was Captain America's plan all along.
Sacrifice me and the weakest Avenger to save Manhattan.
Um, words hurt.
Besides, that's Hydra thinking.
Avengers find a way.
There's always a way.
[SNARLING CONTINUES] The house is no more.
Leave the woman to me, and dispose of the bowman.
[HISSING, SNARLING] Do something.
Use your arrows or something.
Frost, you are a genius.
House, cozy fire.
Have you lost your mind? Yeah, probably.
[HISSING, SNARLING CONTINUE] Hawkeye! [SCREECHING] [DRACULA] Unexpected.
[HISSES] I had not thought to see an Avenger show such steel.
If your spirit yet lingers here, bowman, know that you have the respect of Bowman! [ECHOING] I mean, why is it so hard for these people to remember my name? This is no time for jokes.
Well, actually, it's the perfect time for jokes.
[VAMPIRES SNARLING] You ever hear the one about the Ugh! How can you be so flip? We're in the middle of a forest.
You're only as good as your arrows, which you blew up! Yeah, when you put it that way, it sounds pretty bad.
[HISSING] Move! [GRUNTS] There are more coming.
[GRUNTING] [VAMPIRES HISSING, SNARLING] [SCREECHING] Ha-ha! See? Wood.
It's the one thing vampires really can't stand, and we are in the middle of a forest.
I told you, I know the rules.
I have a plan.
But you won't be able to stop them all.
Man, did Hydra just give you a big ol' bag of "I give up" when they recruited you? Come on.
I am coming for you, bowman! [VAMPIRES HISSING, SNARLING] [GASPS] Ca Can we call for help? [HAWKEYE] Tried that.
No signal.
What are you doing up there? They'll catch us if we don't keep moving.
Hawkeye, they found me! [GRUNTS] [SNARLING CONTINUES] [GRUNTS] [GRUNTING] Hawkeye! [PANTING] What took you so long? I had it under control.
Anyway, I had to finish collecting these.
What's the use? Hydra abandoned us out here, and so did your Avengers.
Whoa.
Avengers never abandon anyone.
Even you.
Now, you can keep being Queen Snarky, or you can help me find something to make a string for this bow.
Is it all right to say that I'm scared? Be stupid if you weren't.
Last I heard, you're a genius.
We're getting out of this.
I promise.
That, I'm afraid, is not true.
A wooden bow and arrow? [LAUGHING] Wooden stakes.
Through the heart.
I know the rules.
[GRUNTS] No.
Wood may hurt my minions, but I am the immortal Dracula.
You cannot hurt me.
[GRUNTING] [GRUNTS] Get them! [HISSING, SNARLING] Duck! [GRUNTS] Tell me you have enough arrows.
I could tell you that, but I'd be lying.
I am trusting that you have a plan here.
[HISSING] [GRUNTS] [GASPS] [LAUGHING] [HISSING] [YELLS] [GRUNTING] [YELLS] [PANTS] Thanks, Hawkeye.
[SIGHS] Finally, somebody gets my name right.
[WIND WHOOSHING] No more arrows.
No more running.
What will you do now? Perhaps you think you have one last effort in you, [HISSING] some way you can still save yourself.
I think not.
Your life ends here, alone in the dark.
It's not about me.
It was about her.
Keeping her safe, and running out the clock.
Dawn around here is about 7:00 a.
m.
, which is just about [GASPS] The sun! [FLESH SIZZLING] [SCREECHING] Right on time.
Told you I know the rules.
You have made an enemy today, bowman.
Mark my words.
Dracula will have his vengeance! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I had a nickel for every vampire who said that.
[WHOOSHING] What is it? More vampires? Huh.
Not quite.
Hey, Hawkeye, lose these? Looks like Hawkeye had quite the night.
You did okay back there.
For an evil Hydra genius.
[CHUCKLES] Well, yeah.
That too.
Listen, Frost You're going to point out that Hydra was gonna let Dracula take me.
But you, the weakest Avenger Watch it.
You protected me until the end.
All I'm saying is, just make sure you're on the right side.
Change the world or break it.
Thanks, Hawkeye.
You've given me a lot to think about.
[GRUNTS] Only five targets with three arrows? Never seen you so off.
Something on your mind? Oh, Whitney Frost just got in my head a little.
You didn't send us to the Beach House because I'm the weak link, did ya? Like the expendable Avenger? Clint, you're the most resourceful man I've ever met.
I sent you with that Hydra scientist because I knew if there was a way to keep her safe, you would find it.
[SNARLING] You always find a way.
- Blood! Blood! - Aah! Vampire! No, Hawkeye, wait! Hawkeye, that was my favorite costume! [ROARS] You see? This is why I hate Halloween!