Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e18 Episode Script

Blame It On the Boss of Nova

"In honor of the brave heroes who gave their lives to save the galaxy" Uh, guys, how long have we been gone? If I had to guess, Rocket, long enough for everyone to think we're gone for good.
And construct statues in our honor.
- I am Groot! - What do you mean, "not just statues"? ["Guardians of the Galaxy" theme on speaker device.]
This is awesome! Oh! We are finally getting the recognition we deserve.
Oh, sure, Quill.
So would it kill them to get a few details right? I am Groot.
Seriously? You're griping that they made you too big? In case you ain't noticed, they made me your pet! How dare they use my visage to sell shirts! Drax does not wear shirts.
At least your face is on something that's not pink.
I am Groot? An ode to bosom companions: Of Fandral and Star-Lad I do sing.
Uh, wait, wait.
Did "Star-Lad"? Did he say "Star-Lad"? How could he get that wrong? As Nova Prime, I solemnly swear this galaxy will never see another senseless tragedy like the one that befell its Guardians, led by the legendary Star-Lad.
Seriously? Do I look like a "lad" to you? Don't answer that.
Security throughout the galaxy will be enforced with extreme measures to ensure law and order, in honor of the late, great Guardians.
- That's unsettling.
- I know.
It's the first time I ever heard "law and order" and "Guardians" in the same sentence.
Okay, is anyone else bothered that every sign in here says "Star-Lad"? Okay, you know what? Fine.
I'll just change 'em all myself.
[alarm blaring.]
Good one, Quill.
You just set off the alarm.
Oh, relax.
No one's gonna mess with us in our own museum.
[thudding footsteps approaching.]
[knuckles crack.]
- Intruders! - No one except Thanos! [alarm blaring.]
Back off, Thanos! This museum is for Guardians, not crazy, wannabe universe-conquerors.
Everyone take cover! [Rocket.]
You take cover.
I'm taking down prune-puss.
[Thanos grunts.]
Rocket, you just gave away our position! We could've surrounded Thanos in the dark! [Rocket.]
Who has time for all that sneaking? Besides, my way's more fun.
[ascending whirring.]
I am Groot! Uh, guys? Thanos is on some crazy weight-loss program.
- That's not Thanos.
- Rhomann Dey?! What? No, it's not.
How do you know my name? - Do you not recognize us? - Yeah.
You're a bunch of thieves wearing lousy Guardians disguises.
Hey, we're real, which is more than I can say for your lousy Thanos getup.
I am an interactive walk-around character and museum security professional.
And the real Guardians were blasted to atoms months ago.
No, but we weren't, because there was a mirror and this other dimension, and All right, yeah, forget it.
It's just too weird.
No imposter could come up with a story that lame.
- It is the real you! - Yes! Thank you.
Wait You guys got some nerve showing up alive now.
Everything's gone to krutack since you left.
Nova Prime's turned the whole galaxy into a police state.
She's demoted or arrested everyone in the corps who opposes her.
Even my trainee, Sam Alexander! And then there's the real tragedy: this whole thing with my name.
Why? Did they misspell "Star-Lad"? Maybe we should focus on the bigger issues for the moment.
I am Groot.
All right, fine.
Look, we'll just show Nova Prime we're alive and clear Sam's name.
Boom! Everything's back to normal.
Uh, it may be a bit harder than that.
Attention, citizens of Xandar.
Curfew is now in effect.
Return to your homes immediately.
Violators will be punished swiftly, harshly, and painfully, in memory of the late, great Guardians.
These guys make the Kree look like the Smooth Jazz Appreciation Society.
Am I right? You know, 'cause smooth jazz is kinda it's, like, wimpy, and the Kree are bigger guy Never mind.
After we thought you were gone, the whole galaxy got scared.
Nova Prime used that fear to seize power.
What do you think she'll do if you suddenly show up alive and threaten that power? I'm guessing it won't involve a parade and lots of reward units.
She will punish us swiftly, harshly, and painfully, as promised.
Still, we can't just leave Sam rotting in a Nova prison.
- Why not? It's nicer than the Milano.
- Anywhere is nicer than the Milano.
Attention, citizens of Xandar.
Enemy of the galaxy Sam Alexander, having been found guilty of his crimes, is sentenced to be executed by vaporization pit, tonight.
We'd better get you back inside if you don't wanna be next.
Okay, maybe the kid could use a little help.
Fortunately, you happen to be looking at the best breakout artist in the business.
- So how do we get him off Xandar? - I am Groot! Ah, great idea.
Oh, except our ship blew up, dummy.
I am Groot! The Milano! Hey, it it's been rebuilt! Again.
Groot, fire up the thrusters, and let's go spring that kid.
[male announcer.]
Welcome to the Milano Experience, a realistic flight simulation brought to you by the Timely Corporation.
- Probably should've mentioned that.
- No problem.
Me and Groot can get anything space-worthy, even this krutackin' fake.
While you're doing that, I'll sneak into Nova prison with Quill and rescue Sam.
Flarg that.
By the time you're done sneaking, there won't be any Sam left to rescue.
I'm going with you and blastin' the kid outta there.
How can you break into prison and fix the Milano at the same time? - I am Groot.
- You can't fix it by yourself, bud.
You ain't exactly in full bloom.
Drax will help Groot.
Drax is an excellent fixer of things.
Uh, hey, Dey, can you make sure to relay us Sam's location, mm-kay? He's all yours, bud.
- [shakily.]
I am Groot.
- I got this.
[object rattling.]
I have a job for you.
This is the most important job.
- An ode to bosom companions: - Every time this recording ends, [Fandral continues.]
you must push this button and start it again.
You understand? Drax is an excellent button-pusher.
They even wedgied Corvus Glaive Huh.
Looks like they patched up the last gaping hole I blew into that prison wall.
Good times.
Do you wanna risk blowing up Sam? This is a stealth job.
There's no higher art than getting what you want without your enemy ever knowing you were there.
Blowing stuff up is quicker.
Plus it makes cooler noises! Children, didn't we learn anything about teamwork from our experience with the Black Vortex? We're only gonna go with a plan we can all agree on.
Let me know how that goes.
[frustrated groan.]
Intruder! [grunts.]
Freeze! [sighs.]
I just know Rocket's gonna gloat about this.
On the ground! Hands behind your head! [knocking.]
Wha [all grunt.]
So, how's that whole stealth thing working out for ya? [alarm blaring.]
Fine, until you tripped the alarm.
[alarm stops.]
Anything else you're worried about? How about the fact that doesn't actually turn the alarm off? Here's an idea.
Let's keep moving and argue about alarms after we've rescued Sam.
If you're looking for young Samuel Alexander, I'm afraid you just missed him.
Oh, dude, you look like a grapefruit in that suit.
- Aah! - Thanos! What? I was just making sure he wasn't a hologram.
Your friend is on his way to the vaporization pit.
Not that it matters.
The end of everything approaches, and nothing you can do will prevent it.
It's the end of what now? Flarg him.
He's just playing games.
I've told you before, Thanos doesn't play games.
One day, you will beg for my help.
When that day comes, I will be right here.
Don't hold your breath, Thanos.
No, please! Hold it till you turn purple! Oh, wait.
Too late.
And so did Star-Lad call for aid 'gainst Ronan the Accuser and I was quick to help him so that none would call him "loser" here the ode doth end.
Yield, button.
Yield before Drax! An ode to bosom companions: Of Fandral and Star-Lad I do sing.
I am Groot! [grunting.]
I am Groooot! [thud.]
I am Groot [knocking on door.]
Yeah? - Nice costume, Dey.
- What do you want? We picked up a break-in signal.
Oh, that was a false alarm.
Better let a real corpsman investigate, just to be sure.
You can't go in there! We're fumigating.
I don't take orders from ex-corpsmen in lame costumes, Dey.
But you still gotta follow the law, which means you can't go in there unless you show me a warrant, which will require written authorization from your commanding officer, - who you do take orders from.
- Ugh! We'll be back, with a warrant.
We need to leave, now.
- No! Drax must push the button! - Not anymore.
We got 20 minutes before I'm thrown in jail for this, so let's get moving! [grunting.]
I am Groot.
[growls, grunts.]
Ugh! [buzzing continues.]
[male voice on P.
Vaporization is activated.
[gulps, yells.]
Prepare the prisoner for execution.
We need to knock out those guards, steal their uniforms, and sneak onto a Starblaster.
By which time Sam will have already died of boredom.
One well-placed blast will take out those energy restraints.
And send Sam plummeting into the vaporization pit.
He can't fly without his helmet, remember? [growling.]
Well, then, maybe we should get his helmet to him so he can rescue himself.
Or, to put it another way, Gamora, we're not using Rocket's plan.
Rocket, we're not using Gamora's plan.
Now let's go.
All right, it shouldn't be too hard to break in.
There's probably only a billion possible combinations.
I got the combination, and it's called "go big.
" Okay, so remember how that set off alarms the last time? What? You're taking Gammy's side? I'm not taking anyone's side! [grunts.]
Including your side! [Rocket grumbling.]
Let go, Quill! You're sucking the joy out of everything! - As per flargin' usual! - I am not! - [grunts.]
I am not! - [grumbling.]
[door unlocks.]
This stasis field's going kaboom! Unless you wanna sneak up on it.
[Nova Prime.]
As I have snuck up on you? Nova Prime! Hi! How are Great news! We're alive! You look awesome, by the way.
Have you been working out? [Quill, Gamora grunt.]
[both yell.]
No one'll gripe if I blow you up.
Hey! [grunts.]
[cries out.]
[chuckles sheepishly.]
You have been working out.
Trespassing on Nova property is a violation of Xandar's laws.
Prepare for your punishment.
[grunts, yells.]
[both grunt.]
Call off Sam Alexander's execution.
You need to listen to reason! No, Star-Lad, I just need to thank you for your contribution to the safety of the galaxy and bid you farewell.
[grunts, groans.]
Hey! No one calls me "Star-Lad"! [yells.]
Oh! Ow! [groans.]
Nice to see you have your priorities in order.
Now, then, let's relax with a little entertainment, shall we? [male voice on P.
Samuel Alexander, for crimes against the galaxy, and by the authority of Nova Prime, you are now to be vaporized.
Going big.
Only one way to get that helmet sneakiness.
Not bad.
[male voice on P.
Release the energy tethers.
[weapons continue firing.]
[Quill, Gamora grunt.]
Ha! Score! [screaming.]
[Nova Prime.]
No! Ha! Huh? Sam! No! One galactic enemy has fallen.
And now you shall join him.
[grunts, groans.]
Oh, hey, guys.
Long time no see.
Sam! You're alive! Well, I wouldn't be if my helmet had shown up one second later.
You're welcome.
How the krutack did you find us? My helmet picked up your comm signals.
Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be They will be.
I didn't do that.
[both grunting.]
[yells, grunts.]
That's new.
On the other hand, it would explain the super strength.
And the ruling with an iron fist, as in an actual fist made out of iron! Okay, so if she's a robot imposter, where's the real Nova Prime? Somewhere not even the infamous Star-Lad can hope to find her.
Blastin' ain't workin'.
Got any sneaky suggestions, Gammy? [yells.]
[all grunt.]
Eliminating four of the galaxy's staunchest defenders at once.
An auspicious start to our campaign.
Ha! Drax is an excellent button-pusher.
I am Groot.
Go! I'll cover you! [Rocket.]
Nice one, bud.
You got her flying.
Now get her to fly faster! [Groot yells.]
We'll be safe here.
These islands are deserted, so Nova Corps doesn't patrol them.
Which makes it a perfect place for us to mount a resistance against that phony robot Nova Prime.
They can remove me from the Nova Corps, but they can't remove the Nova Corps from me! Nor your uniform, apparently.
Nova Prime called it "an auspicious start to our campaign.
" - I am Groot! - Eh, you're right, bud.
That means more of them robo-fakes could've weaseled their way into power.
Then we must un-weasel them, wherever they are.
That may not be so easy.
Nova Corps has tabs on every living being in the galaxy.
Fortunately, most of the galaxy thinks we're no longer among the living.
I liked how you freed Sam's helmet.
Very stealthy.
Eh, well, being sneaky wasn't so bad, I guess.
Nice job with the blaster, by the way.
Yes! Stealth and explosions, working together! Like ketchup and French fries! - What? - Huh? It's Earth foods.
Never mind.
The point is, teamwork! Am I right? Although, next time, squeeze the trigger.
- Don't crush it.
- Oh, I'll show you crushing! [growling.]
No! No, no, no! [blows landing, grunting.]
We're past this, remember? Oh, come on, guys! Use your words! [Rocket yells.]