Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e20 Episode Script

Paranoid

[Heimdall.]
Welcome, Guardians.
The Prince of Asgard is eager to see you.
Valkyrie took longer than expected to fetch you.
You know why I'm late, Heimdall.
Or did you shut off your Allsight? We ran into some Darkhawks on Knowhere.
- We had to take care of them first.
- Darkhawks? Can we be certain these are the true Guardians? Sure, long as Gamora kicked the right Quill into the Continuum Cortex.
[music continues.]
- What? - Definitely Quill.
[music stops.]
Why? Who else would I be? According to Rocket, a robot impostor from another dimension.
I ain't saying he is, Drax.
I'm just saying he could be.
Aah! [grunts.]
Even my Allsight cannot pierce the Darkhawks' deception.
After they tried to replace Thor on the Galactic Council, Odin ordered me to seal the Bifrost to ensure that no impostors could enter.
I am Groot! I am Groot? Not now.
The grown-ups are talking.
So, how do we know the Darkhawks didn't pull the switcheroo on Thor? [Thor.]
Let this be your answer! Okay, I'm good.
A souvenir I picked up on my way home from the Galactic Council.
The Darkhawk fiend never stood a chance of infiltrating Asgard.
All due respect, Thor, we should move out of the open before your father discovers any outsiders infiltrating Asgard.
So ol' One-Eye don't know we're here? My father ordered Asgard's borders sealed, while leaving the rest of the galaxy to fend for themselves against the Darkhawks.
I disagree.
Hiding from the Darkhawks is an act of cowardice.
You dare call my father, the ruler of Asgard, a coward?! Absolutely not! I said he was acting like one.
No one is calling anyone a coward.
But we don't need to get involved in yet another family conflict.
Please, my friends.
With your help, I know my father will see reason.
Yeah.
Reason to vaporize us! [Rocket.]
Okay, who called Tall, Dark, And Impervious? My father ordered the Destroyer Armor to patrol Asgard for outsiders.
Well, great.
Let the walking tin can take us to Odin, and we'll convince him to fight the Darkhawks.
Boom! It's a little thing called diplomacy.
Okay, big guy, take me to your All [yelling.]
[groans.]
It is named the Destroyer for a reason, Peter Quill.
- It does not take prisoners.
- Too bad, 'cause I do! [grunts.]
Foolish mortal! Do not antagonize the Destroyer! Wait for it.
And boom! Actually, that was pretty clever.
Yeah.
Too clever for the real Quill.
You believe he is a Darkhawk? [grunts.]
We'll find out when that thing blasts him.
The Destroyer won't use its energy weapons this close to the city.
It'll probably just pound the life out of Quill.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Then Drax will pound the Destroyer! [yelling.]
[grunting.]
Guardians, hold! [grunting.]
[grunts, groans.]
- I am Groot! - Not now! [chuckles.]
I ain't seen nothing this funny since Quill tried to teach Drax to break dance! Cease these attacks! I am Groot! This is a fight you mortals cannot win! Aah! Oh, yeah? Well, this mortal beat that thing once before.
I am Groot! [grunts.]
What part of "cease these attacks" did you not get? Tell that to him! Am I the only one who's noticed old Iron Pants keeps attacking Quill? Almost like he was a Darkhawk spy! [grunts.]
Let us protect you, Guardians.
The Destroyer cannot attack a citizen of Asgard unless a crime has been committed, as I am about to do! Thor Odinson, what have you done? - Father, I - Why, against my decree, are outsiders here in Asgard? The Guardians have come to aid us in fighting the Darkhawks, Father.
Valkyrie and Heimdall brought them at my behest.
Then Valkyrie and Heimdall have disobeyed my order and betrayed my trust! Surrender your weapons of office.
You shall stand watch over the statues outside my chambers until I decide otherwise.
But, Father, they were only following my orders! Indeed! Which is why your punishment will be far more severe than theirs.
[sighs.]
My son, you know only Asgardians can be trusted.
Father, the Guardians were in another dimension when the Darkhawks first arrived.
They exposed impostors on Xandar and fought them on Knowhere.
I'm inclined to agree, Sire.
The Guardians are resourceful and devious.
They once managed to sneak into Asgard while you were sleeping.
Got all the way to the World Tree! - This occurred on your watch? - 'Tis beside the point.
The Guardians possess the necessary skills to sneak into the Darkhawk realm, free the captives, and expose their impostors on the Galactic Council.
Impossible! The Darkhawks serve the Serpent, - and the Serpent cannot be defeated.
- We do not know that.
I do know that, because the Serpent is my brother! After the Destroyer was created in Asgard's forge, my brother became obsessed with its power.
He wanted an invincible army of warriors just like it, so he ordered the Darkhawks to be forged.
The Darkhawks lacked the Destroyer's unique power core.
But a mystical enchantment allowed them to assume the appearance and memories of their enemies.
The Serpent vowed to seize the throne of Asgard or destroy it.
We battled for centuries, but I was unable to defeat him, so I banished him to the edge of the galaxy itself.
But if his Darkhawk minions have returned, then the Serpent will be watching, waiting for any opportunity to return to Asgard.
That is why we cannot risk opening the Bifrost, even for a moment.
And why I cannot allow outsiders to freely roam the halls of Asgard.
That's ridiculous.
I'm no more a Darkhawk than you are.
I escorted the Guardians myself, All-Father.
No Darkhawk came through the Bifrost.
Huh! That we know of.
- Thor, take them to the dungeon.
- Dude, trust me, you can't let family loyalty stop you from doing the right thing.
No, Father.
We cannot sit idly by while a dark power threatens the galaxy.
The Guardians and I are in agreement.
We must fight back against the Darkhawk invasion.
And if you would imprison them, then you must imprison me as well.
Awesome speech, bro.
Yeah, it's a bummer it didn't work.
Oh, my, my.
How could the favored son of the All-Father have fallen so far? How do you like being on the wrong side of the law, brother? I may be on the wrong side of the law, and our father, Loki, but I am still on the side of right.
I will find a way out of this, as long as I have loyal and steadfast friends like the Guardians of the Galaxy.
- [Quill.]
Am not a Darkhawk! - Are too a Darkhawk! I picked the right Quill.
No robot could possibly act that Quillish.
Quill, if you are a Darkhawk, you would tell me if I were one, too, would you not? Pardon me, brother, while I amuse myself with your "loyal and steadfast.
" But, Drax, if you are a Darkhawk now, how did you know you weren't a Darkhawk before? I am not sure.
Perhaps I was always a Darkhawk.
[sighs.]
For all we know, you're all Darkhawks.
Well, except for the shrub.
He's far too tiny.
[laughing.]
I am Groot! I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot! Well, now that we've established that you are Groot, I have one burning question: Who cares? [mocking Loki.]
I am Groot, I am Groot [unintelligible.]
Oh, yes, very mature.
Perhaps you can perform that when I throw you on the hearth for kindling.
You would be wise to hold your tongue if you would speak ill of my friends.
[Quill.]
Okay, look, if anybody is a Darkhawk spy, we can't do anything about it until we find a way outta here.
- Right? - [Rocket.]
That is the one smart thing that's come out of your probably Darkhawk robot mouth.
Eh, force fields always have a weak spot somewhere along the bottom.
If there is a weak spot, the Prince of Asgard will find it! [thud.]
[body thuds.]
Yeah, probably shouldn't do that.
[growling.]
[thud.]
[grunts, groans.]
[growls.]
Aah! - Please, rodent, don't spoil the fun.
- I am Groot? I think I think I can feel it weakening! [thud.]
[cries out.]
[groaning.]
- I am Groot! - Hey, ya mind? I'm workin' here.
[grunts.]
We are free! Well done, my friend! - Show-off.
- [Thor.]
Our time is short.
We must send you on your secret mission to the Darkhawk realm before my father discovers you are gone.
Cool.
Just open our cell, and we're outta here.
Ah-ah-ah! To open the Bifrost, you'll need Heimdall's sword, which is now in the armory, guarded by the Destroyer.
And I'm afraid only one person is cunning enough to sneak past the Destroyer.
I'm afraid he's right.
Groot, free my brother.
I am Groot? [grunts.]
- [Thor.]
I will be watching you.
- Good.
Hopefully you'll learn something.
Hold up there, bud.
I still ain't sure about these guys.
But you trust Loki? To not secretly be a killer robot? Uh, yeah.
Besides, the fewer people we got sneaking into a high-security armory, the better.
- He does have a point.
- Rocket has a point?! You know something, I'm starting to think you're a Darkhawk.
Yeah, you kids sort that out.
We'll come back for you once we have the sword.
I mean, we'd know if we were Darkhawks, right? That is exactly what I have been trying to discern.
I will wrestle the Destroyer to the ground while you rob the armory.
What? We're trying not to be seen, Goldilocks.
We're doing sneaky-sneaky.
That's what we're doing here! [scoffs.]
You're wasting your time.
I've been trying to get him to sneak since we were infants.
But don't worry.
I have a plan.
Ugh! That krutacker! And you were supposed to be watching him! [thudding.]
I am Groot! [gasps.]
Oh, flarg.
For Asgard! [grunting.]
[yells, groans.]
If I could just get my hands on whatever powers that flargin' thing.
[thud.]
[yells, grunts.]
[groaning.]
Now, that hurt.
[yells, grunts.]
[groaning.]
[grunting.]
There's gotta be a way inside this thing! [grunts.]
I am Groooot! [grunting.]
[cries out.]
Oh, fine.
Maybe one more.
[blow lands.]
[grunts, groans.]
Huh? [grunts.]
Where ya been, ya krutacker? [scoffs.]
I needed my scepter to stop the Destroyer, and I needed a distraction to get my scepter.
My plan worked perfectly.
- I am Groot! - Was that supposed to hurt? [yells.]
Insolent twig! [Gamora.]
You know, I'm starting to think you really are a Darkhawk.
If anyone here is a Darkhawk, it's you! You probably kicked the wrong me into the Continuum Cortex on purpose! Then that would mean that you're a Darkhawk too! Oh, ye Oh, yeah.
Right.
But that's just what a Darkhawk would want me to think! Ugh! How can such a large sword be so hard to find? I warn you, Loki, touch nothing! [object clangs on ground.]
- [clattering.]
I am Groot? - Not now, bud.
- I am Groot?! - I said, "Not now"! Lo! I have found it! I am Groot! I am Groot! You, rodent, what is your pet shrub prattling on about? Beats me.
I can't understand a word of it.
Probably got something to do with this! I figure between the Destroyer's power core and my own Darkhawk tech, I oughta be able to blow up all of Asgard.
[beeping.]
[gasps.]
I am Groot! [beeping.]
[laughing.]
I know, right? I was the killer robot the whole time! - Is that hilarious, or what? - Deceiver! I, Thor Odinson, challenge you to battle! Mark me, impostor, you shall pay for your treachery! [beeping continues.]
Eh, no.
- That was unexpected.
- I am Groot! Loki! [groans.]
That was more expected.
Come on, guys.
Guys! Drax, hold the impostor down while I beat the disguise off of him.
Do not struggle, Darkhawk.
It will only make this more painful.
- [Darkhawk Rocket.]
So long, suckers! - I am Groot! Okay, what did we just see? Rocket is a Darkhawk, with a bomb - that could destroy all of Asgard! - That little krutacker! His betrayal makes me very angry as well.
Which proves we're not Darkhawks.
Then I am Drax! I am so relieved! Well, great.
Now can we stop the real Darkhawk from blowing up Asgard? [beeping continues.]
This way! [stammering.]
I am Groot.
There he goes! Found him! [beeping.]
- Then I shall pummel him.
- No, you can't pummel him.
- Rocket is a bomb! - Aah! Oh, come on.
He's not that great.
I am Groot! I am Groooot! [sighs.]
I once carried the valiant to their eternal reward in Valhalla.
Now I spend all day staring at an empty hallway.
- I stood watch over all the Cosmos.
- Point taken.
- I am Groot! - A Darkhawk? [Quill.]
Rocket's a Darkhawk, and he's gonna blow up the city! - Gotta run! - After them! [clanging.]
- Get off of me, ya weed! - I am Groot! [grunts.]
Hey! What are ya doin'? That was my arm, ya little krutacker! No! No! No, no, no! Quit messin' with my circuits! I am Groooot! [yells.]
[crash.]
By my beard! [groans.]
I am Groot [groaning.]
By Odin's beard, the small one has defeated the impostor! All hail the mighty Groot! - [Thor, Heimdall, Valkyrie.]
Huzzah! - [Drax.]
Yay! [bomb beeping.]
I am Groot.
I am Groot! [beeping continues.]
- Guys, the bomb is still ticking! - Fear not.
I shall destroy it.
Nay, Father! The Darkhawk said it would destroy all of Asgard! We have to defuse the bomb.
Where's Rocket? Oh, right.
That's That's actually why we're here.
Is anybody here good with explosives? I am Groot.
I-I [beeping continues.]
I am Groot! [beeping stops.]
And Loki heroically saves the day yet again.
Instead of running around like a fool, I located the Darkhawk's likely target our dear father.
And, of course, I can still deactivate the Destroyer's power core, even when it's not in the Destroyer.
- And now, Father, I humbly accept your - Forgive me, Father.
In disobeying your orders, I brought a deadly enemy within the walls of Asgard.
I should never have questioned your wisdom.
It's true, you disobeyed my orders, but you did so to save innocent lives.
Your noble instincts do you credit, my son.
And they have reminded me that Asgard has a responsibility to guide and protect the lesser realms.
- I approve of your plan.
- Are you joking? He brought a Darkhawk to your very doorstep! [Odin.]
He also brought the Guardians, who saved my life - and my realm.
- With my rather significant help! Do not push your luck, son.
I see now that Asgard cannot stand idle while the Serpent plots our destruction.
I will allow the Guardians of the Galaxy - to venture into the Darkhawk realm.
- Uh, that's good, 'cause we're gonna go there and rescue the real Rocket anyway.
[grunts.]
What? Hey, if this baby could destroy all of Asgard, I bet it would do a real number on Darkhawk headquarters.
So, we sneak into evil-robot land, rescue the real versions of everyone they've replaced, set the bomb, and run like flarg.
- Simple.
- Simple, but not easy.
Whether you succeed or not, Asgard shall prepare for war.
Are you certain your team is ready for the task before you? We are Groot!