Me, MYSELF & I (2017) s01e13 Episode Script

There She Goes

1 Sometimes moving on takes a lot longer than you would like.
This house is perfect.
It's two bedrooms.
It's in Abby's school district.
- It's got a big backyard.
- Hmm.
Would this have anything to do with Sarah - coming into town tomorrow? - That's interesting.
So you're saying my happily engaged ex-wife visiting while my life is still in the toilet would make me start feeling bad about myself? No, that's very insightful, Darryl.
I'm just here to help.
Sometimes you think you've moved on, but you actually haven't.
Hey, Chuckles, who are you texting? Eleanor.
[laughs] My Eleanor? I mean Eleanor that I know who I introduced you to? You'll be happy to know we're having a double date with her and Richard tomorrow night.
- Oh.
- They used to call you Chokey? Oh, I'm loving every part of this now.
And sometimes you're not ready to move on until you give it one last try.
There she goes There she goes again Okay, this is it.
No more schemes, no more crazy plans.
I'm just gonna go up to Nori and ask her - to the Winter Formal.
- Are you sure? Because I have a pretty good scheme - and a really great plan.
- No.
Every time I try to do something clever, it ends in disaster.
So I'm just gonna walk over there and do it.
Right now.
[upbeat music] You're not walking.
Are you sure? Because it feels like I'm walking.
Yeah, no, you're just standing there.
Hey, Nori.
Do you want to go to the Winter Formal with me? Um, okay.
Sweet.
Yes.
Don't feel bad.
That happened so fast, my plan never would have worked.
Now, my scheme, that might've had a chance.
[upbeat music] Daddy, daddy, when's the magician gonna be here? - In a little while, sweetie.
- Okay.
- And when's the devil coming? - What's this now? I head Grandma say something about the devil coming.
- Happy birthday, sweetheart.
- Mom! - Speak of her, and she appears.
- Mom.
Oh, come on.
She cheated on you and ruined your marriage.
Best behavior today, guys, please.
I'll try, but once Mr.
Pinot Greej here is on empty, all bets are off.
- Hi, Sarah.
- Hey, Alex.
- So where's Jeremy? - Oh, he couldn't make it.
He had to work at the restaurant.
Oh, what a shame.
Sorry, did that sound borderline sincere at all? - Yeah, borderline.
- [phone rings] - Hey.
- Hold on.
It's the magician.
Hello, Incredible Harold.
What? No.
Seriously? No, you can't cancel right now.
No, I can't give you a ride to your custody hearing.
- The magician canceled.
- What? He's not coming? Oh, that's okay, sweetheart.
It's still gonna be a really fun party.
No, you know what? My daughter wants a magician, she's gonna get a magician.
Damn straight.
I'm gonna grab my nine iron.
We're gonna go down to that courthouse and strike the fear of God in Incredible Harold.
Yeah, or we could just get another magician, Ron.
- That works too.
- Yeah.
So if you want to finish writing up the report, I can finish the model.
I have this idea to modify a fish tank pump so we can get Old Faithful to actually shoot water.
We could even get together over the weekend to work on it.
Unless you're going to the Winter Formal.
Are you going to the Winter Formal? Oh, no, no, I think dances are so stupid.
Yeah, totally.
They're the worst.
But if you went with the right person, I guess it could be kind of fun.
[laughs] No, I don't really think so.
Yeah, me neither.
Dances are dumb.
Anyway, I should probably go soon.
I'll also have plenty of time to work on the project, as I'm also not going to the dance.
Since no one's asked me yet.
Okeydokey.
To old friends, to new friends.
- Ah, yes.
- [glasses clink] [lounge music playing] Oh, it's a shame we're not going to be able to get together like this more often.
- Why's that? - I haven't told them yet.
Told me what? What's going on? Well, Eleanor and I are moving to Montana.
- [guffaws] - Oh, that's great.
Funny.
Seriously, no, really, what's going on? We're leaving at the end of the month.
And now it's awkward.
[upbeat music] We are 20,000 feet over Fresno.
And the right engine gave out and the left one's working harder than a streetwalker trying to put her kids through college.
I try to keep the terror out of my voice as I lie to 200 souls and tell them everything's gonna be just fine.
- All right, Ron.
- So I grab Thanks for entertaining the kids, but I have an announcement about the magician.
Is there a problem with the magician? Everything is gonna be just fine.
There was a small issue with the original magician, but we found an even better one.
Please welcome the Amazing Alex! - Hello, everyone! - [cheers and applause] Magical greetings and Hogwarts to all.
Alex does magic? There's a lot you don't know about Alex.
Hello, birthday girl.
What? Oh, is that a quarter I see behind your ear? - [coins clatter] - Oh, boy.
Sorry.
That's, like That's, like, $2.
75 there.
- You can just - But no, he does not do magic.
Now, I am not a classically trained magician.
But I did watch a ten-minute YouTube tutorial.
And if that doesn't work, we shall break stuff.
[all cheering] That cashier could not stop flirting with you.
Thought she was gonna put her bra in the bag.
I get it all the time.
Women just love a man in uniform.
You're not jealous, are you? Please, I'm not the jealous type.
Just don't forget who owns you.
- Roger that.
- Hmm.
I know we should be happy that our parents love each other, but they make it so difficult.
Yes, they are certainly repulsive.
But their nauseating display of affection is instructive.
You learned how to kiss from watching your dad and my mom? No.
I mean, I picked up a little here and there, but that's not what I'm talking about.
Jealousy.
That's how we're going to get Nori to like you once and for all.
Jealousy? Who does Nori have to be jealous of? Your lab partner, Julia.
When she was over, I heard you guys talking.
She was trying to get you to ask her to the dance.
She said dances were dumb.
And your mom said she's not the jealous type.
Women never say what they mean.
Julia wants to go with you, and if you take her, it'll drive Nori crazy.
You want me to use Julia to make Nori jealous? "Use" is such an ugly word.
I prefer Actually, "use" is the right word.
But the way you said it made it sound so mean.
That was some quick thinking back there.
- I'm pretty impressed.
- Not bad, right? Can't believe it took me 11 tries to get that kid's card.
Yeah, pretty sure she handed you that one, though.
Yeah, I think so too.
You know, today was a lot of fun.
Reminded me of better times.
Like before you cheated and imploded our marriage? Wow.
Sorry.
[laughs uncomfortably] Guess I still had that one in the chamber.
It's okay.
You don't have to apologize.
I-I deserve that.
Actually, I've been thinking, and I realized I never apologized to you for everything I put you through.
So I know it can't change anything, but I did want to say I am really, really sorry.
Oh, thank you.
That's actually very nice.
I guess being with Jeremy turned you into a softie.
Well, he might disagree.
We we broke up.
Why? 'Cause you banged another EMT? - Wow.
- That's right there.
Sorry about that, and I'm sorry about you and Jeremy.
- Oh.
- What happened? Well, I realized that I had made a huge mistake and if I didn't try to correct it, I would probably regret it for the rest of my life.
What are you saying? I'm saying I want us to get back together.
[screaming] No! We ran out of ice cream.
[chuckling] I'm not listening to your conversation.
Mayday, Ron! Mayday! [upbeat music] Go ahead.
She's all alone, so this is your big chance.
Yep, I'm just gonna go up to Julia and ask her to the Winter Formal.
Hey, Julia, do you want to go to the Winter Formal with me? Sure, I'd love to.
Cool.
See ya.
Yes.
Told you shouldn't have waited till after lunch.
So I had an interesting conversation with Sarah after the party.
Turns out she's leaving her fiancé and wants to get back together with me.
Really? [chuckles] And how did she take it when you laughed in her face and told her no chance? Oh, she took it so hard.
Yeah, I crushed her.
She was so crushed.
Especially when I didn't crush her at all and I agreed to have dinner with her instead.
No, no, I have talked way too much trash about that woman for you to get back with her.
You know, I never told you this.
I made a voodoo doll, man.
- Excuse me? - It wasn't on purpose.
I was at one of those make-your-own-bear places with Jasmine.
But it did kind of turn out to look like Sarah.
So I went with it.
Look, man, I'm not gonna get back together with Sarah, but it doesn't seem like a bad idea to have a better relationship with Abby's mom.
Okay, well, while you're having dinner with her, make sure to ask her how her lower back's been feeling.
I want to see if this thing has any juice.
Well, thank you so much for dinner.
And sorry to spring that on you.
Unbelievable, Alex.
What? You're mad at me? Look, I was willing to tolerate you having a nostalgic crush on Eleanor, but this is clearly something more.
Kelly, please, I'm Don't lie to me or yourself, Alex.
You are in love with Eleanor.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
So just admit it so we can move past this.
I'm in love with Eleanor.
Oh, my God, you were supposed to lie.
Oh! I told myself I would only do this as long as it's fun, and it ain't fun anymore.
No, please, wait, Kelly.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
I've been in denial about how strong my feelings are for her.
Good luck, Alex.
I hope you get your girl one day.
Don't think you will, but good luck.
[groans] [dejected music] Pump up the volume, pump up the volume Pump up the volume, dance, dance So should we dance? Dancing's not really my thing.
Yeah, me neither.
So that geyser you designed, it's gonna be really cool.
Where'd you get that idea? Um, I don't know, probably from going to the Buckingham Fountain when I used to live in Chicago.
Oh, you're from Chicago? I'm from Milwaukee.
Go, Bucks.
Bucks? Dude, the Bucks suck.
They destroyed your Bulls the other night.
That was a one-time fluke.
That's happened twice in a row.
Okay, but at least we can agree on one thing Both: The Lakers are the worst.
Yes.
So what do you think of living out here? It's okay.
But the winters are brutal.
- I know.
All the sunshine.
- Everyone's all happy.
They go to the beach on Christmas.
It's sacrilegious.
We're at the Winter Formal.
It's 85 degrees out.
I miss the snow.
Yeah, me too.
Hey.
Do you want to dance? Sure.
Pump up the volume, pump up the volume Pump up the volume, dance, dance [both laughing] This is fun.
Yeah, I know.
What's wrong? I was just hoping not to have a good time so it'd be easier to tell you that I don't think we should even think about getting back together.
But here we are, and you're being so charming and I think I smell some kind of new perfume? Oh, it's called Apple Blossom.
Yeah, well, it really interacts with your body chemistry in a pleasing manner.
Listen, Alex, I think it's okay if you have a good time.
You know, we don't even have to decide anything tonight.
I think we should just have fun.
We fought so much before, I forgot how nice it is when it's like this.
Yeah, I forgot too.
Gosh, you smell so good.
You smell good too.
It's, uh prescription talcum powder.
[bright music] The over-the-counter stuff wasn't keeping me dry.
You never did know when to stop talking.
[giggling] Mm.
Here, I'll get us a couple of refills.
Oh.
[clears throat] Dude, how's it going? - Really good, actually.
- Looks like it.
You're being so smooth, I can't even tell you're only with Julia to make Nori jealous.
I got to be honest, I completely forgot - about the jealousy plan.
- Scheme.
Harebrained scheme.
Julia is awesome.
We have so much in common.
That's great; that'll make this whole thing look more natural.
That's what I'm saying.
It is natural.
I think I may be starting to like her.
[The La's "There She Goes"] There she goes There she goes again Racing through my So you were just using me to make another girl jealous? I thought you weren't a jerk, but I was obviously wrong.
[cup clatters on floor] [sad music] One day, we're gonna look back on all this and laugh.
Or not.
It will definitely be one or the other.
Okay, well, I should get to work.
[upbeat music] - Okay, I'm at work.
- [chuckles] Look, I know it's weird that we're living in a garage, but I think I found a house to rent.
It's a little pricey for me, but it's a really nice place for Abby.
Speaking of Abby, I think I should probably go before she gets back from her sleepover.
I don't want things to be confusing for her.
Yeah, definitely don't want things to be confusing for her.
[both chuckle] So how are you feeling about all this? Good, bad, totally freaked out? [sighs] I don't know.
I mean, last night was really great, right? But I don't want to rush into anything, because the whole thing terrifies me.
I totally get it.
But it also excites me.
I mean, the idea of you, me, and Abby having a life together again sounds amazing.
So are we really gonna do this? Are we gonna give it another shot? [car approaching] Jeremy, what are you doing here? I came because I'm not ready to give up on us.
I want you back.
- I'm sorry about Kelly.
- Mm.
And what are you gonna do about Eleanor? Nothing I can do.
You owe it to yourself and Eleanor and this long, weird crush you guys have to tell her exactly how you feel.
Why? I did that already.
She'll just reject me again.
She might.
But at least you'll know once and for all.
You can't afford to wait and hope you'll run into each other again in 50 years.
Because you'll both be dead.
You were so close to nailing this pep talk thing.
I was, wasn't I? [both chuckle] [exhales deeply] Julia, I Hey, is everything okay with you and Julia? No, not really.
[sighs] I don't know what happens to me these dances.
Yeah, for everyone's safety, you should probably skip Spring Fling.
You know, I really thought there might be something there, and I blew it forever.
Trust me.
You didn't.
Sometimes these things take time.
If you like her, don't give up.
Huh.
No slo-mo.
I'm sorry, Jeremy.
It's over.
Sarah, please.
Just think about it.
There's nothing to think about.
The problems in our relationship aren't gonna just magically go away because we want them to.
The fact is, we don't work as a couple.
We need to move forward, and us getting back together is a major step back for both of us.
Also, just in total honesty because you deserve to know, Alex and I are talking about giving things another shot.
Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen.
What? Literally everything you just said to Jeremy applies to us as well.
Our relationship problems aren't gonna magically go away just because we want them to.
- They might.
- Same with ours.
Don't be ridiculous, Jeremy.
You want him to move forward, not backward, and I think we need that too.
Okay, I feel like you're using my own words against me, which is something that you did a lot during our marriage.
See? Oh, my God.
Maybe you're right.
I am totally fine moving backwards, by the way.
Get out of here, Jeremy.
Why are you still here, Jeremy? I don't know.
I guess I just I got so caught up in all the fun we were having the past couple days, I forgot to think about things objectively.
I was having fun too.
I just think we both know deep down that we're not meant to be together.
I know.
You're right.
And while I would like to have a better relationship for Abby's sake, I just don't see anything romantic in the cards.
Okay, I already said that you're right.
I don't know why you have to, like, repeat things over and over again, like, into the ground.
This is one of those things like from before.
Yep, there you go.
- [laughs] - Yeah.
The best part of moving on is that it opens you up to new adventures.
Julia, I want to apologize.
Did you get the geyser to shoot water like you promised? - Actually, no.
- Of course you didn't.
So why should I believe anything you say? Look, I know my words don't mean a lot to you right now, so I made you something.
What are you talking about? I present to you Winter in LA.
Justin? [instrumental of "Deck the Halls" playing] [people gasping] I'm really sorry for what I did.
And I hope you'll be able to forgive me.
I really like you.
But sometimes you need to reconnect with the past before you can really move forward.
- [sighs] - Alex.
Eleanor, just hear me out.
If you're gonna try to stop me from going to Montana, then No.
That's not why I'm here.
I had this whole prepared speech to deliver about how much I love you.
Then I realized, you know, "She knows all that stuff already".
So what I have to say now is this.
I want you to be happy.
And if going to Montana with Richard makes you happy, then that's what I want you to do.
Well thank you.
So I guess this is, um, good-bye.
No, I'll see you around before I leave.
I'm not No, I tell you selfishly, I think it'll be easier for me if I just stay away from Corky's until after you go.
Oh, okay, okay.
All right, well, then good-bye, Alex.
Good-bye, Nori.
[Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?"] Good-bye, Alex? Do you realize That you have The most beautiful But the best way to move on is to bring the people you love along for the ride.
- You ready to go? - What's our new house like? Ah, you're gonna love it.
It's amazing.
You're gonna have your own room.
Well, you have to share it with a monster who lives under the bed, but if you get good grades, he'll probably leave you alone.
- Daddy.
- [both laugh] There's even enough room out back for a swing set.
Yay! Yay.
That happiness Makes you cry - Do you realize - You ready? - Yes, I'm super excited.
- Let's go.