Metalocalypse (2006) s03e09 Episode Script

Dethzazz

I do cocaine! ohhhh yeah running down a dirty street boys in blue are after me the moon is full, and they Won't sleep till they get a piece of me you can never chase me down I'm the one the atomic clown can't catch me can't sniff me out I'm the one the atomic clo-o-o-o-o-o-wn bop bop a be bop rockstein! Leonard rockstein! Ah-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka- Ahk-ka-ka-ka hey, rockso! [bleep.]
you! Ugh! Toki! Oh, thank god! You got to get dr.
Rockso out of Here.
I can't tell you what they're Doing to me in the joint.
Shuts up, rockso.
You have beens a constant source Of disappoinksaments.
Enoughs! Evers since I knows you, you Acts likes a dildos, and you Used to be a greats Rock 'n 'roll clown.
You used to bes a star! But looks at you now.
You're like a dogs what's Bloateds and rottings on the Sides of the roads, likes a Turds in a toilet ins an Abandoned buildings what's no Ones even flushed, likes a dead Whore what's the police won't Even investigate 'cause no ones Cares.
Okay, baby, I get the idea.
Buts thens I Realized that's it.
You ams ons tops, and that's why You have slumps to the bottoms Of garbage.
You needs to be backs on tops, Rockso.
I'ms gonna bails you out and Helps you reforms your old band Zazz blammymatazz! tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! I'mTicking ForThe dethklok, dethklok skwisgaar skwigelf, Taller than a tree toki wartooth, Not a bumblebee william murderface Murderface murderface pickles the drummer Doodily doo ding dong doodily nathan explosion I am prouds to announce The officials reunions of Zazz blammymatazz, the firsts in Overs 20 years.
How do you plan on paying for The concert? Oh, uh, um I don't knows, actually.
Hows did I pays for dis? You, uh, used the dethklok Vacation fund.
That's how you funded rockso's Reunion.
I dids? Oh, I means, I dids.
Yeah.
Wait.
Wait.
Toki used his portion of The vacation fund, right? Uh, all of it.
Your vacation is gone.
Right, right.
I hear you.
So, uh, what about our vacation? Yeah, what about Our vacation? Uh, talk to toki.
Hey, toki, what About our vacation? Pickles, it's gone.
That's what I'm trying to tell You.
What about the trip, Though? I mean, disneyland, then Euro disney, and then Asia disney? It's a Complicated, multifaceted trip With our big-eared pal, mickey! Well, it's not happening.
You're gonna have to stay here.
Toki! Why'd you spend our vacation Money? Guys, looks don't Worries! Alls we gots to do is sells a Bunch of tickets, make sure Dr.
Rockso performs and thens We makes our money backs and Thens we goes on vacations Easy! You think this is the First time that group of [bleep.]
Clowns has tried to reunite? Whats do you Means? There was that one Time they almost reunited, but Rockso drank a whole bunch of Acid right before he went Onstage and just spent the whole Night spraying some lady with Huge tits in the front row with A big spraying thing and they Didn't even play one song.
Cancelled.
Then there was that one time They were supposed to reunite, But rockso, the night before, Smuggled like twenty condoms Worth of cocaine into his Intestines.
Then he ate some super-spicy Mexican food and the condoms Melted and he o.
D.
'd and he Couldn't perform.
Cancelled.
There was that one time they Were about to reunite and like Rockso borrowed $20 million From the ecuadorian drug cartel And they were like, "give us Our money back," and he's like, "no, I'm not gonna give you Your money back," and they're Like, "well, we're gonna shoot You," and he's like, "well, Fine, shoot me.
" And they shot him.
And now he pees out the side of His dick.
And, uhThey cancelled the Show.
So, that's what I heard.
Yeah, heard that.
Guys, don'ts worries.
I knows rockso.
This times, its gonna be Different.
Toki, there is Something wrong with you.
You're right.
You're [bleep.]
in the head to Continue helping that [bleep.]
Clown.
My god in heaven, I hate that clown.
He is [bleep.]
Personified.
Toki, we should have a Professional look at you.
Fines with me, but Mentallys, I'm as healthy as a Horse.
Aah! Ohh, gods! Ohh! Ohh, god! Why is toki Screaming? Oh, well, that ams A bicentennials quarters on the Ground right there, isn't it? Toki has an unnatural fear of Bicentennial quarters no Other currency.
He just [bleep.]
freaks out.
I mean so I've prescribed Him some medical calm-down juice To help him rest, catch some Hanging out now.
Anyway, uh, we need To find out what's wrong with Him.
What the [bleep.]
is it with him And that clown? For that, I will need total Concentration.
I'm going to attempt to rock Talk into toki's mind.
Now, toki, I know that you can Hear me.
It's dr.
Twinkletits.
That's it.
That's it.
Hear me, toki.
I hears you.
Take me back.
Take me away from all this, into Your childhood.
I was just a boy, Helpings his familys with the Daily chores, lifting the rocks And arrangings thems, makings Sures the firewoods am stacked Symmetricals, sweepings the Snow.
Lots went into a day's works.
I was happy.
I loved my lifes.
But occasionallys, I woulds Makes mistakes and has to be Punisheds.
I spent so manys days in my Childhoods years in the Punishments hole.
But whats my parents didn't Knows thats I hads a friends With me, a friends that listens To me and kepts me safe.
As long as my friends was there, Nobodys could hurts me.
Ka-ka, I love you! I loves you, too, Clowns.
Yick.
Ticket sales are slumping for The zazz blammymatazz reunion Show, and paying the price is Financial backer dethklok.
How do you sell tickets to a Show that no one believes will Ever happen? I don't know.
Good luck, fellas.
Here's what I know Toki's not using his brain.
He's making decisions with his Dumb gay heart, so we got to Step up and take over this Stupid [bleep.]
zazz blammymatazz Project.
But nobody's gonna Buy any tickets 'cause the world Doesn't believe they're actually Gonna reunite.
Maybe I can help.
If you like, I can book a press Junket that will generate so Much heat, it'll make your head Spin.
But it's up to all of you.
Look there's Nothing I hate more than that clown, but there isn't Anything I won't do to hang out With mickey mouse! Now, listens, rockso We needs to takes this seriously And sells these people on the Ideas that this concerts reallys Gonna happens.
Now, gets in there and do a Greats job.
I think dr.
Rockso knows what He's doing when it comes to Promoting rock-ka-ka roll, baby! Later.
I'm sitting here with Leonard rockstein, a.
K.
A.
Dr.
Rockso, the rock 'n' roll Clown.
Thank you, dr.
Rockso, for being With us.
Cocaine! Thanks for your bravery, Considering what we're about to Discuss.
Dr.
Rockso, what you don't know Is that we've uncovered the Never-before-told story of your Horrible demise, a story of Loss, a story of a broken heart.
Let's go back to 1981.
Zazz blammymatazz is on top of The world, on a huge u.
S.
Tour.
But you made a little pit stop In texas.
Guys, texas doesn't take any all right? They do not like rock 'n' roll Clowns.
Oh, man, rockso's gonna be On his best b-b-behavior! You met a girl there, a girl Named dory mclean.
Dory mclean.
The love of your life.
In fact, you wrote this song About her "dory mclean, and She only 14.
She gonna suck it all night.
"She a sweet sucking queen.
" And that was no joke.
Dory mclean was indeed 14 years Old.
You had sexual encounters with a Word got out.
You became the chief target for Local police, and they wanted Your blood.
Your only way out was to Disappear.
You gave up everything you had.
You gave up your music, the Band.
You gave up the girl that you Loved.
You gave up your Soul.
You gave up your soul.
And now you sit before us, a Worthless piece of [bleep.]
Folks, we'll be right back with More dr.
Rockso, the Rock 'n' roll clown.
And we're out.
Great job, everybody.
Thanks so much.
Great work.
Can I get a water? Dory mclean.
Rockso can't do this! It's too much! I ka-ka-ka-ka-quit! Noooooooo! Decade is happening.
The tickets have been sold.
Dethklok put their necks out on The line for an old has-been Rock 'n' roll clown, but will He show? Where is dr.
Rockso? Will he pull it together after His breakdown during his Emotional in-depth interview? Where the [bleep.]
is That stupid clown? I mean, he just [bleep.]
Disappeared! He ams gones, Dissappeareds, likes a white Falcons in a snowstorms.
But, guys, he's got To do the show, or we won't get To go on vacation.
Oh, we're [bleep.]
I knew it! We just want to Relax! Yeah, tokis! Has you gots anythings to says Abouts this? This ams yours fault.
Hellos? Ams there anybodys In theres? Aah! Aah! Aw, looks like we Got to scalp tickets.
It's the only way we're gonna Make our vacation money back.
Oh, uh, I mean uh, what I Mean is nothing.
Scalping tickets? [ scoffs .]
nope.
Are you planning on scalping Tickets? No [bleep.]
off.
I mean, uh, how's it going? What's up? I mean, is that a new suit? Guys, scalping tickets is Illegal, and it's stealing from Yourself.
It might be in your best Interest to watch this short, Uh, subject on, uh, the Ramifications of ticket Scalping.
Please, uh please watch.
Hi, folks! It's me facebones! And I'm here today to talk about Ticket scalping! What's ticket scalping, anyhow? It's when you take tickets and Buy 'em or steal 'em and horde 'em and sell 'em at the last Second and hike up the price for Your own personal profit.
Who is a scalper? A scalper could be a big guy, A lady, mom or dad, or a Homeless guy just trying to make Enough money to get a sandwich.
But here's what we say to Scalpers at dethklok shows.
Aah! That's scalping! I'm facebones! [bleep.]
that I'm scalping my ass off.
Scalping's awesome! So, uh, there you go.
But I know you guys are worried About rockso, so We're not "worried" About him.
Worrying is [bleep.]
gay, and It's gross.
We're concerned about what he Represents to us, financially.
Well, uh, either way, it's in Your best interest to find the Clown.
Guys, do you think It's okay that we left toki at Home while we go out looking for Rockso? Yeah, he'll be fine.
Guys, what if toki Never comes out of his Punishment hole? What, you means Musically? We'll be fines.
Look he's in our Band, and we've got to help him.
Well, if we get Rockso back, then we'll get toki Back.
If you want to get the clown Back, then you've got to get the Girl back dory mclean.
We can't go around Chasing after a 14-year-old Girl.
It will not look good.
We could get arrested.
Pickles, it's been over 20 Years.
She's a grown-up now.
Listen if you get the girl Back, you get the clown back.
If you get the clown back, you Get to put on a show.
You put on a show, you get your Money back, and then you get to Go on vacation! Wait a minute.
How is she not 14 years old, Again? Ah-ka-ka, hello? Hmm.
Ka-ka, anybody home? Ka-ka? Got a tank of jet fuel, ready to Trade for some kaah! Wa-aah! Ya-kmm! Yee-ohh! Ya-waah! They must have all died from Snorting this c-c-crap.
Dr.
Rockso can't have your Loving.
No more throbbing clown bone In your wet oven.
No more.
No more.
G-g-goodbye, dory mclean.
Oh, ba-ga-ba, ba-ba-ba.
Come and get a little bit of This.
Check it out, now I'm an Elephant face, sucking on a big Old one of these now.
Oh, look out! Ga-ba-da, ga-ba-da, ga-ba-da, Ga-ba-da, ga-ba-da! Ohh, I just made a mess all Over.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
He gonna kill you.
He gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
He gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
Aah! He gonna kill you.
He gonna kill you.
He gonna I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
Cocaine! I'm alive! Booyah! Yeah! Rockso, get your [bleep.]
Together.
You're coming with us, and I'll Tell you why we found her.
Dory mclean is coming to your Show, and she want's to see you.
She want to see dr.
Rockso? After you perform.
Hey, you guys, pack Up this [bleep.]
clown.
We got a show to go to.
Okay, rockso, we got You to the show, we tracked down The girl of your dreams, but now You got to help us out by Helping out our friend toki.
He needs the clown.
Needs that clowns.
Yeah.
Do it [bleep.]
Now let's get to That scalping.
Who needs a ticket? Got two.
Got two.
Hey, you, you need tickets to The show? Why don't you [bleep.]
off, Dickface? Dickface? Do I look like a dickface? No comment.
I can't sell any Of these [bleep.]
tickets.
Hmm.
Franklin mint? The monster is coming.
The monster is coming.
The monster is coming.
The monster is coming.
The monster is coming.
It's me, your old pal Dr.
Rockso! I could never leave you alone.
We're best friends.
We're best friends forever! Oh, rockso, you back! That's right, ka-ka-ka baby.
What's about the show? Oh, you don't think I'd do That show without toki? Oh, dr rockso! Ladies and gentlesmens, tonights It ams my honors to gives to Yous the ultimates in Rocks 'n' rolls survivors.
For the first times in over take a snowy flight up to China up two tunnels to wonderland two eyes staring right at You shooting white lightning from Her mammary glands oh, baby caught my eye I want to snort those thighs ow, ohh want to sniff your soul ooh dory mclean and she's only fourteen gonna suck it all night she's a sweet sucking queen you got to suck it through the Top and stay with me dory Oh, we dids it! Great work, pal! Toki, I never thought I'd say this, but dr.
Rockso is amazing! Thanks! Hey, murderface, did you ends Up scalpings them tickets? Aw [bleep.]
yeah! I sold every one! Awesome! How much did you makes? [bleep.]
dude, I'll show you! Look at all these quarters! Ohh, nooooooo! Ohh, no, no! Aah! Fire! There's a fire! Let's get out of here! Oh, sorry.
I guess I [bleep.]
up your whole Stupids comesbacks.
Oh, well.
He's on drugs right now, so Just take everything he says With a grain of [bleep.]
you.
Guys, uh, you know, an act of God clause fire protection, Uh, saved our asses again.
Rockso, I'm so sorry That this went down like this But, uh, we're going on vacation Now.
Guys, maybe we Should do it now.
Rockso? Ka, what? You may have Forgotten, but we haven't.
Say hello to dory mclean.
Leonard, it's me dory, Dory mclean.
Damn! You got ka-ka-ka old! Well, it happens to the best Of us.
Eee.
Yeah, I-I grew up.
Ka-ka-ka ew.
I'm married to a lawyer.
You're fat.
Well, leonard, it's really, Really nice to see you again.
Yeah.
Uh, you old.
Well, I'm I'm glad I got To say hi.
So, I'm going to get going.
Come on, chastity! Huh? Chastity?! Oh.
She's my daughter.
Ka-ka-ka! Hellooooo!
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