Minder (1979) s01e08 Episode Script

1
I could be so good for you
Love you like you want me to
I could be so good for you
Love you like you want me to ♪
246 Millerton House POB in about
five minutes.
Come on.
(DESPATCHER OVER RADIO)
- Yeah?
- Cab, love.
- What?
- Minicab.
- Well, what about it?
- You called for a cab.
Not me, love.
I don't want a cab.
Is this 246 Millerton House?
- Buddy.
- Tel. Oh, Tel
Listen, what sort of shape
are you in?
Well, could be better, but I'm all
right.
Do you fancy a workout in the ring?
- Yeah, I don't mind. Who?
- Charlie.
Charlie?
On the pavement, yes.
In there, no.
Come on. You're doing me up, aren't you?
The man's a champion, a pro champion.
So, what? You're an ex-pro.
You can handle it.
The thing is his sparring partner
couldn't turn up today.
So, you'd be wearing the head gear and
there'd be a drink in it for you.
What do you say?
Yeah, all right.
It's a bit short, innit, Kevin?
It's worse than last week!
And it'll probably get shorter.
Another one of the drivers
had an accident this morning.
- What happened?
- His motor caught fire.
- Badly?
- Cremated.
- He wasn't in it, was he?
- No, no. Luckily, no.
So, rent's paid for this week, right?
- Yeah.
- Well, that's something, I suppose.
You're all heart, Arthur.
I can't afford to mix sentiment
with business, can I?
It goes on like this, there
won't be any business.
(PHONE RINGS)
Candy Cabs. Yes. So, where to, sir?
And about five minutes, sir. Thank you.
RADIO: Tango 4-8. Cleared
Hammersmith Tube. Roger.
- Rog, 4-8, make 193, The Grampian.
- Roger.
What do you mean, there won't be
any business?
We've lost eight drivers in a
fortnight.
- Eight?!
- That means we're down to 19.
And some of them only come in when
they want to.
Why don't you advertise
in the local papers?
There must be geezers out of work
with motors.
In fact, the only way you can afford a
motor these days is to be on the dole.
I have advertised.
All these accidents
Do you know what I think?
- No.
- Someone's having a pop at us.
Go on, Terry! He's wide open for a
left hook! He's a mug at the game!
If that don't work, give him some
stick in the orchestras!
What are you doing?
What ARE you doing?
Well, don't just lay there!
- You OK, Tel?
- Of course, he's OK. Slipped, didn't he?
Go on, my son! Let him have it!
Hey-hey! What did I tell you?
Do shut up, Arthur, will you?
Go on, do him in the orchestras,
Terry!
Nut him!
What ARE you doing?
I'm embarrassed!
People are watching this, you know.
It's not doing any favours for my image.
- Are you all right, son?
- All right, all right. 'Course he's all right.
He should think himself lucky that my
man has not quite recovered
from a severe attack of pomenanary
pneumonia, complicated by gastroenteritis.
For God's sake, Arthur, give it
a rest, will you?
Come here. Let's have a look at you.
Yes, you'll live. That'll do you
for the day.
Anyway, go and get changed,
son. Go on.
Cor, blimey!
What's the matter?
You drunk or something?
Just leave it out, Arthur.
It's different on the cobbles,
innit?
In here, they've got a thing
called the Queensbury Rules.
Rules. Rules are made
to be broken, my boy.
You could have done him.
- Yeah, of course I could.
- Anyway, I've got you a bit of work.
- Doing what?
- Driving.
Well, minicabbing.
Arthur, if I wanted to do minicabbing,
I could have done it without your help,
and without giving you any of my
hard-earned.
- I'm going to have a shower.
- Hear me out, Terry. Hear me out.
- Accidents?
- Sabotage, more likely, Terry.
I know it's a competitive game,
minicabbing,
but eight drivers we've lost in the last
fortnight, and that is well above the norm.
What sort of accidents?
Motors breaking down. One
even mysteriously caught fire.
Call in the Old Bill.
Ah well, no, no. That would
cause a bit of a problem.
- Oh?
- Yeah. You know how it is.
- No.
- Well
In a word, tax.
- Pardon?
- Inland Revenue.
They crucify everybody these days.
Questions like,
"How much do you earn?"
No cabbie wants
that kind of aggro.
They just turn it in and they go
somewhere else.
Yeah, and the authorities taking too
close a look into your
bookkeeping wouldn't be too welcome,
would they?
I don't think I'm getting through
to you, Terry.
Someone is having a pop at me,
and that is not in order.
Not in here.
And you get to keep whatever you take
in fares.
- In that?!
- What's wrong with it?
What's right with it?
I'm not driving around in that.
Des, tell him what a terrific piece
of machinery that is.
Don't be deceived by appearances,
Terry.
That engine is tuned to perfection.
Perfection.
Cut the crap, Des.
Terry, I can tell you this because I
know you're sound,
but that engine was relied on by a
certain little firm
to get them off the scene of some
very heavy tickles.
Lively, you know what I mean?
Oh, so you expect me to drive round
in a motor that's been used?
Not the body, you loon. Not the body.
He's talking about the engine.
The body it came out of has been
er recycled.
What you might call my small
contribution to our ailing steel industry.
Look at those tyres, Terry. 100%.
Is it MOTed?
I'll write one out for you.
What about insurance?
I have a pal who does a nice line in
cover notes.
Look, why can't I have one of them?
Leave off, Terry! They're movable
stock.
Those, I can sell.
Terrific.
Don't mention to Kevin what
you're up to, all right?
- Kevin?
- Yeah. He's my partner,
He's my partner, runs the
office. Just don't mention it.
Why not?
He's a family man, worrier.
You know, good as gold,
but not all that bright.
Lacks a certain vision.
Take my point?
- Not really.
- Come on.
Oh, that's nice, innit? A touch of
the old-world charm.
- We aim to please.
- Lovely.
- You're not serious?
- Course.
We need drivers, don't we?
Arthur, we advertise luxury saloon cars.
Well, so what?
You don't believe people really
drink Martini and fly in balloons, do you?
What's that got to do with it?
See what I mean?
Advertising. It's all a con, innit?
It's an illusion.
People don't expect plush motors to
waft up to their door.
As long as it keeps out
the wind and the wet
and gets them where they want to go,
do they complain?
No, Arthur. We're not that desperate.
I think he's right, Arthur.
As a major shareholder in this little
enterprise, Kevin,
I think I'm entitled to make
a few management suggestions.
You're a silent, non-working
partner.
Very silent.
Nevertheless, I promised the job to
my nephew here,
and my word is my bond.
All right, cabbie, hang a left, and
it's down here on your right.
Look, if you tell me exactly where
you want to go, I'm sure I can find it.
Don't worry, we're nearly there.
I'm not exactly sure myself
till I see it.
Does he know the manor?
- Would I stick him in if he didn't?
- Probably.
Told you what the rent is, has he?
Rent?
You pay 25 quid a week for the use of
the office and facilities,
and it's up front.
- Hold on. No.
- I'll lend it to you.
- Lend?!
- Well
He'll make more than
that in a day, won't he?
And you get a
radio thrown in too.
Can you get Luxembourg on it,
Uncle?
It's only on loan, mind.
Those things are worth 300 quid
apiece,
which is about six times the value
of the wreck it's going into.
- Kevin!
- Talking of wrecks
Hello, love.
Kevin, you old sod.
Who's having the pleasure of taking
old Katie home today, then, eh?
Who?
Where's that nice young man?
What's his name? Barry.
Yeah. I like him.
Just round this next corner and pull
in, cabbie.
- What do we owe you, then?
- Er that'll be £1.60, please.
You'd better pay the man, then,
Greg. Hadn't you?
Oi!
- Come on. Come on.
- Come on, you old pest. On your feet.
- Come on. Upsidaisy.
- Come on, up.
- Disgusting.
- There you go.
Mmm Don't you go making a pass at
me, young man.
I'm a respectable woman.
I'm sorry, love. It's just I find
you totally irresistible.
Well, you can escort madam home,
then.
No thank you, squire.
Oh, all right, then,
just to the car. Come on.
- Just to the car.
- Thank you.
- Memories! ♪
- Come on, Kate.
Then the fresh air gets her.
- I'm drifting back ♪
- This way, love.
You're only a little drunk.
- All right, all right.
- In you go, love. Mind your head.
Might do her a favour to hit it.
All right, you in, love? That's it.
Thanks, mate.
- I'd have told her to get on her bike.
- It's a fare. All part of the game, innit?
Katie's all right. She's not normally
this bad. You want to see some of them.
No, I don't.
Perhaps we ought to try
for a better class clientele?
Yeah, listen, get some
new cards printed.
Embossed, gold lettering, and shove them through the
letterboxes of your Kensington and Chelsea mansions.
- You know, move up-market.
- Oh, yes (!)
I'm sure the average upper-class matron would love
to be picked up by your nephew's pigsty on wheels.
- Arthur
- Candy Cabs.
- come here.
- So, where to, sir?
I've had seconds.
I'm not going to do it.
Look, don't give me any aggro,
Terry. Just give it a chance.
Did you see the state of her?
If you think I'm riding around with
legless old biddies like that
just off the chances, eh?
- RADIO: Kevin
- you've got another thing coming.
- Hang on. Listen.
- Kevin I'm hurt.
Who is that? Use your code. Over.
This is Barry, Tango 14.
- I need someone to help me.
- Roger, T-1-4. What's happened? Over.
Couple of hooligans.
Please send someone.
I'm in Bishop's Lane.
Barry? Tango 1-4?
Come in, Tango 1-4. Over.
- Where'd he says he was?
- Bishop's Lane.
Come on.
- Well, come on!
- Where are you going?
Oh, bloody hell!
Don't worry, son. We'll get you to
hospital.
There you are, Terry. Not nearly as
bad as we first thought.
Couple of days,
he'll be as right as rain.
Luckily, they didn't touch your
motor.
- Phew. Where is it?
- In the car park. Terry here drove it ver.
- He's a relation of mine.
- Thanks, mate.
- That's all right.
- He's joined the firm. You'll get on with him.
Arthur, maybe the man doesn't want
to carry on cabbying.
- Of course, he does. Don't you, son?
- I don't know. I'll think about it.
What's to think about? Anyone can get
assaulted these days.
It's all this urban decay.
- Do what?
- Vandals, muggers.
It's rife, innit?
It's not only the cabbies who cop it,
you know.
While they were cleaning you up,
I phoned the office.
Kevin tells me you picked
the fare up from a pub.
- Yeah.
- How many? One? Two?
Two.
- What did they look like?
- A couple of flash young tearaways.
- Ah, they all look much the same.
- Yeah.
I suppose you don't
want to call in the Old Bill.
- Oh, no!
- No. Of course not!
It's what we pay our taxes for, innit?
Police protection against hooligans.
Take no notice of him, Barry.
He knows ESP.
- He's winding us up.
- (SIGHS)
- Come on. I'll drive you home.
- It's all right. I can manage.
- No. Don't be silly. Sit in.
- OK. Cheers.
You know how to comfort the injured,
don't you?
There's no point losing another
driver till I have to, is there?
- Where are you going?
- Back to the office,
make sure you get a radio stuck
in your motor.
Now, listen, UNCLE,
I haven't decided whether
I'm going to do it or not.
That's funny.
I thought you already were.
(SIREN APPROACHES)
Yeah, right. OK.
- Well?
- I think he's getting a bit bottley.
- Says we're to ease up on the spankings.
- But that's the bit I like most.
Yeah, well, you would.
Anyway, the message is
leave it out, and the motors for now.
- Why?
- I don't know.
He'll bell us when he wants us to
perform again.
Well, there must be something you
remember.
The colour of their hair, clothes
boils on the end of their nose.
- Boils?
- Well, yeah
- Distinguishing marks.
- Why are you so interested?
If I know who they are,
I can avoid them, right?
I'm new to this game. I don't want
to cop for what you got.
Oh, it happens now and then.
- I've had a few runners.
- Oh, yeah, runners?
Who pay you with a knuckle sandwich
before they have it on their toes?
- They They know where I live.
- How's that?
I don't know, but they said
well, if I tried to get them nicked,
they'd pay me another visit.
They say anything else?
Something about maybe I should stop
driving a cab.
They didn't specify Candy Cabs
though?
No. Why should they?
I don't know, but maybe you should
take their advice.
If I give up cab driving, how else am I
supposed to get my family out of this dump?
Yeah, I see your point. Oh, come on.
There are lots of other driving jobs.
Yeah, but on them
you have to pay tax.
I pay enough tax as
it is on my regular job.
You mean to say you've got
a kosher job as well?
I work nights in the bakery. I sleep in the mornings
and do this in the afternoon and evenings.
You must lead a really exciting
social life.
I got married when I was 19.
Got two kids and three rooms
in that kharzi.
I'm not eligible for a council
place, so we've got to buy.
First-time buyers, and I don't have
to tell you the price of property.
My wife's on the edge of a nervous
breakdown living round here.
You tell me how else I'm supposed
to get the money.
Dunno. Could rob a bank.
Or get yourself a job in the
mornings.
No. Hold on. Listen.
You sure you don't remember
anything about those two geezers?
Well, one of them did mention the
other's first name.
- Greg?
- Yeah, that's what he said.
All right?
No, no juice.
Try the battery connections.
Perhaps you'd better pop into that
pub where he picked them up.
- It's not open yet.
- Well, later.
OK, try that.
(BLEEPING)
Yeah, that's it.
- All right?
- Well, the radio is.
Dave will tell you what it's all
about. Show him the ropes, Dave.
- Can I have a word, Arthur?
- Yeah, sure. See you in a minute, Terry.
Do you know,
I've been thinking, Arthur.
- Keep practicing. It'll get easier.
- No, seriously.
The more I think about it, the more
I'm beginning to think it isn't worth it.
- What isn't?
- This.
Well, let's face it, it's only giving
one of us a living.
This is the on/off switch.
This is the squelch knob.
It cuts out static
and interference.
This is for volume. This is for
channel one and two.
This is to receive
and this is to send.
It's as simple as that.
Could you go over it once more
for us, please?
I don't understand you, Kevin.
Here you are, your own boss,
men under your command.
An independent spirit in this
increasingly bolshie country of ours.
Oh, don't talk garbage, Arthur.
I'm a bleeding slave to this business
for 16 hours a day.
A dustman takes home more than I do,
puts in half the time.
Bleedin' drivers earn more than me.
Yeah Maybe we ought to raise the
rent.
But we already charge more than most firms.
That's why we have trouble getting drivers.
(PHONE RINGS)
Candy Cabs. Yes. What's the address,
sir?
Very good, sir. On its way.
Thank you.
Charlie, 12 Hall Road,
going to Oxford Street.
Look, Kevin, I can understand
you getting depressed.
I'm depressed, but things are going
to get better.
- I'm working on it. Have a cigar.
- No, thanks.
See, the thing is, Kev,
I don't see how you can quit.
I mean, all your capital's tied up in the
business. If you leave, you lose the lot.
Yeah, but I wasn't thinking of leaving.
I'm suggesting you pull out.
Me? Why should I pull out?
For one thing, you've got plenty of income
from all your other interests.
This is all I've got.
And you wouldn't have this if I
hadn't stuck up 60% of the capital.
Yeah, and I do 100% of the work.
Oh, be fair, Kevin. I handle the
promotional side.
You pay for the cards to be printed.
I find this ingratitude
very hard to bear, Kevin.
You're incredible.
Well, I suppose we could come to some
arrangement,
depending on what you're offering.
Well, I was thinking of giving you
back your original five grand.
Where would you dig five grand up
from?
Borrow it, or the wife's parents
have got a few quid tucked away.
I'd just have to pay it back
best I could.
Nah, sorry. I couldn't begin to consider
releasing my share at under, say, eight grand.
- Eight?!
- Well, ten would be more realistic,
but then, I always err on the side
of generosity.
(HATCH OPENS)
Anyone want a cab?
Your code is Tango 6-4.
Tango 6-4.
Always use it when communicating with base,
which is here, which is Control One.
Roger, or Rog for short, means
"message understood". Rog?
Roger.
No swearing or foul language over the air.
We can get done for that.
POB means "passenger on board",
so, when you pick up a punter, you
call in "Tango 6-4, POB". Rog?
Er POB. Rog.
If you get lost, call in, ask for a
direct or use your book.
- Book?
- A to Z.
- I ain't got one.
- Well, buy one.
(SMASH)
Here we are.
- Could you just put them in there for me, please?
- Certainly.
That's er£2.80.
- Thank you very much. Bye.
- Ta-ra.
One, two
50 80
(SIGHS)
Your car, sir?
Er no. It's not actually mine. It
belongs to Candy Cabs, Arthur Daley.
Tango 64's RTB.
How's it going, then, Tel?
Getting used to it?
- I'll never get used to this.
- You will.
You know, that bleeding motor of mine
uses more oil than petrol.
The state of it, I thought it ran on
steam.
Yeah, mine.
You should have seen some of the
punters I had today.
Dave here was telling me
about Barry.
- The driver who got beaten up.
- Oh, yeah.
- Bad, was he?
- Well, he didn't look too clever.
No, he'll be all right.
Just lumps and bruises.
There's too much of that sort of thing
going on.
- What, round here, you mean?
- Well, everywhere.
I mean, he's the third in this firm
in the last couple of weeks.
- Did they know who did it?
- No.
They just rang in, said they
weren't coming back to work.
You been done?
A couple of dummy runs,
that's all,
but Dave here had a pound of sugar
put in his tank a few days back.
Sweet, innit? (LAUGHS)
Luckily enough, I managed to borrow
a motor, or I'd be out of work.
Perhaps some one of the drivers
stitched somebody up
and they got the hump
with the firm.
How do you mean?
I don't know, overcharged
them or something.
Come off it, man.
What can you overcharge?
A pound? 30 bob?
They've got to be nutters to go to
that length.
Dave, 2 Rigby Road.
Usual destination.
Eah. Me and John were just about
to go and have something to eat.
- Eah. Let Terry take it.
- Yeah, let Terry take it.
Candy Cabs? One minute.
You're new, ain't you?
No. I've been around
for a few years.
Oh, I can see that.
No, I meant with Candy Cabs.
Oh, yeah. With them, I'm as fresh
as a wilted daisy.
Right, where to, love?
Oh, didn't they tell you?
I do this trip every day, bar Sunday.
Go to confession then, do you?
Hardly. I work at the Lotus Club, up
west.
- What, the strip joint?
- I do artistic poses.
I'll bet you do.
So, that's where we're
going, is it, the Lotus Club?
Oh, back entrance, course.
Of course, the back entrance.
Tango 64. POB.
Rog, Tango 64. Message for you.
Arthur rang. Said can you meet him
in the pub. Confirm and run.
- What pub?
- He said you'd know which one.
Roger Rog.
Right, that's er£2.40.
- Call me Debbie.
- All right, Debbie. That's £2.40.
Here?
Disgusting!
What's disgusting about it?
You mean you obliged
it? In broad daylight?
In the car? In the street?
No, not in the street. In the courtyard
round the back of the club.
Outrageous!
It would have been if I had.
Oh. You didn't, then?
I will. I got its number.
Here, look, Terry, I don't pay you
good money to take up with slags?
You don't pay me, period, Arthur.
Ingratitude! Let's have it right.
You are copping a nice few quid in fares.
Copping what? Do you know how much
I've earned,
driving that bleeding cab in the traffic,
sweating, carrying bags about?
18 quid.
Yeah, and seven quid went out on
petrol and oil!
That wreck drinks it!
And I got a parking ticket.
Well, look, just give it time,
Terry.
Look, you've only been doing it for eight hours,
not even that, and you're 11 sovs in pocket.
Only another 14 and you'll be able to repay
the rent money I paid out on your behalf.
Do what?
(CHUCKLES) Only joking.
No, no. That can That can wait.
- Wait?
- Oh, no. Don't Don't worry about it.
I've been a bit busy myself.
Banking other people's money?
I've been making a few enquiries
about our two hooligans.
Discreet conversation with the
barman.
And?
See those two over there?
The one on the right's name is Greg.
They were laughing and joking the other night,
having a drink, talking about a car that caught fire.
Barman reckons he hear the word
minicab mentioned.
Ain't Ain't you going to ask them
to help you with your enquiries?
No, Arthur. Not in here.
Don't want to upset the barman after
he's been so nice to you, do you?
Perhaps I'd better wait in the car.
What for?
Ehm Well, then I'd be ready to follow
them if they jump into a motor.
- Oh, I see, Arthur. Yeah.
- We've got to be prepared, ain't we?
- Of course, we have.
- Right, then.
And if they start performing, don't worry.
I'll be out of the motor in a flash.
Of course, you will, Arthur.
- See you later.
- Bay.
Come on.
Excuse me, gents. Can I have a word?
- You're Greg, aren't you?
- That's right.
- What's your name?
- Who's asking?
- You met a friend of mine.
- Oh, yeah? Who's that?
He drives a minicab.
He drives for Candy Cabs.
You see, this morning two gutless bastards
gave him a good ID.
So, I thought, I would talk
to you two about it.
I think you ought to be
careful what you saying, mate,
as a kick in the cobblers often
offends. Know what I mean?
Arthur, you look after this one.
(BABY CRIES)
- Is this one of them?
- No.
I've never seen him before.
- About bloody time, too.
- Good morning to you an' all.
Have you had a look out your window?
Well, no. I've er been a bit busy.
- What with?
- Wi
Er yeah. Debbie, this is Arthur.
- Hello, Arthur.
- Charming (!)
No wonder you didn't notice my property
being dismantled in the street.
What are you on about?
Take a look.
Someone's nicked the wheels!
Well, obviously.
Oh, my good God!
She does artistic poses.
(CLANG)
Hold on. Hold on.
- That's one of my wheels!
- Oh, I wouldn't know a thing about that.
You're going to try and sell me
my own wheels?
I don't know what you're talking
about.
I freely admit I bought them only
this morning,
but I know you'll believe me, Terry, when I tell you
I have no idea where they came from.
He's only trying to sell me my own
wheels.
You should have kept your eye on the motor.
This is a rough neighborhood round here.
Now, look, the main thing is
to get you back on the road.
Now, look, Barry didn't recognize
that kid, eh?
- Who?
- Barry.
Barry? I don't
Oh, no. No, he didn't.
No. I think he was a bit frightened
of the comebacks.
Can't blame him, really. Can you?
I phoned the other two drivers who got done.
They didn't want to know either.
- They probably got the same message.
- Yeah.
What I don't understand is how they
know their home addresses.
They probably follow them home
as a sort of insurance.
- So, what now?
- Keep punting. Keep punting.
With any luck, those two hooligans
will try a comeback on you.
- Oh, thanks, Arthur (!)
- And if they do,
you'll be at liberty to use all your natural talents
to make them divulge what it's all about, won't you?
Take it from me,
they are only the labourers.
Who's paying for these wheels?
You pay for them, out of your tips.
Yeah. Yeah. OK, bye.
Well?
It turns out this geezer's
working on the firm.
He's only been with
them a couple of days.
- And?
- He wants us to sort him out.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you can count me out.
That geezer's a bit too useful.
Yeah. Still, we could have a bit of a
giggle with his motor, eh?
No, sorry, madam. There's nothing
available for at least 20 minutes.
OK.
- Terry about?
- No, no. Out on a job.
- He tells you about his wheels?
- Yeah.
Best thing on the car
and they get nicked.
Anything else been happening?
No, apart from the fact only nine
drivers have turned up so far
and I'm turning away customers.
Tango 28 to Old Kent Road. Roger.
Rog 28, mate. 14 Napier Street
going to Barnes.
Roger that.
(PHONE RINGS)
Candy Cabs.
No, sorry, sir. Nothing here at the
moment.
But it shouldn't be more
than a few - Ignorant sod!
Been like this all morning.
- I've got a blinding headache.
- I'll make you a nice cup of tea.
Arthur, you thought any more about
my offer?
Five grand?
Sorry, couldn't begin to consider it.
Well, I suppose I could go to six.
No, I'm sorry. I'm not interested.
(PHONE RINGS)
Piss off!
Pi
- Was that a punter?
- Probably.
What the matter with you?
Aren't things bad enough
without you insulting the punters?
I told you, I've got this blinding
headache!
And, quite frankly, Arthur,
I'm sick and tired of working 16 hours a day
to line your bloody pocket.
Yeah, I tell you what,
you have a taste of it.
I'm going home.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hey, Kevin!
Who is that? What?
- T Tango who?
- Tango 1-2.
Heathrow. POB.
POB? What does that mean?
(PHONE RINGS)
Candy Cabs.
(PHONE RINGS)
- Candy Cabs.
- Tango 1-8 mobile. Shepherd's Bush Green.
What?
No, not what you. What?
Oh, you want to go to Acton? Oh,
you're in Acton.
Hang on a minute, would you, please?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Not all at once!
- Oh, bloody hell!
- Arthur, it's me, Terry.
Arthur?
(PHONE RINGS)
Candy Candy Cabs.
- Tango 1-4. Can you give me a direction to
- Shut up!
No, not you, madam. Of course not.
Obviously.
Look, you couldn't ring back a bit
later, could you?
- Up yours too!
- You can't say that on the air, Kevin!
I'm sorry about that. Hello? Hello?
Tango 1-8 mobile. Holland Park
Avenue.
What What the bloody hell does
that mean?!
(ALL PHONES RING)
Tango 1-4. Direct, please, to
Cressington Mews.
(ALL PHONES RING, ALL RADIO SPEAKS)
- Arthur, what's happening?
- I don't want to discuss it.
It has a disturbing, nightmare
quality.
Yeah? Why are all the phones
off the hook?
Because they keep ringing, Terry.
They keep ringing.
Er that's the idea, innit?
- Where's Kevin?
- Don't ask me to talk about that ingrate.
After all I've done for him,
helping to set him up in business,
letting him run the place, giving him more
than his fair share of the profits
- Where's he gone?
- He's gone home.
He claimed a headache.
Left me with one.
- What about all the other drivers?
- I don't know. I suppose they've gone home too.
- I want to go home.
- Oh, gawd
I want a cigarette.
You got a cigarette, young man?
Sorry, I don't smoke.
I want a cigarette.
Stop the car!
Look, I tell you, there's a shop round
the corner. We'll stop there, all right?
Here.
But you stay in the car.
Thank you, young man.
You're very kind.
Very kind.
Oi! Wally!
Oi! Wally!
Oi!
- Are you all right, love?
- All right?
All right? I should bloody well say
I'm not all right!
- Yeah, but you're not hurt, are you?
- Where's my cigarettes?
I dropped them, I'm afraid,
while I was chasing this.
Who's this, then?
This is one of the gentlemen
responsible for your little joyride.
Joyride?!
Yeah, him and
another big, brave thing.
Took the handbrake off, didn't they?
Where were you, then?
I was getting your cigarettes.
I gave you a pound.
One pound.
That's the last
time I use this firm.
- Good.
- Little hooligan!
Oi!
Drunken old bat!
Yeah, but later on, she'll be sober,
and you'll still be in trouble.
Now, sit down. I want a chat.
Didn't think you'd still be here.
- Why's that, Kevin?
- Well, I thought you'd have had enough yesterday.
Hah Yeah, I must admit, it did get a bit
hectic.
Yeah, well, now you know what it's
like. Not easy, is it?
No. No, I think you made your point.
Yeah?
I'm going to reconsider your offer.
You are? Oh, well, that's great,
Arthur.
I think we can come to some arrangement
in view of recent developments.
I think developments,
that's the key word, don't you?
Oh, it's got to be. Got to be.
What's all this, then?
Oh, we're not open for business
today.
In view of these developments, I thought
I'd call a meeting of the board.
I.E., you and me
Oh, Terry's here in what you might
call a supportive role.
Oh, yeah?
Before we go into the details,
I think, it might be instructive for you
to have a look at something.
Terrence
I got this from the planning
department in the town hall.
- Interesting, innit?
- What is it?
Well, this is what they
call in the trade a blueprint.
It's a blueprint
of a new shopping precinct.
Yeah, well, it's all very interesting,
but what's it got to do with this meeting?
- Lovely, ain't he?
- Terrific.
Come here. I'll show you.
See that? That's a car park.
There's your bank. Shops, various.
And here, where Candy Cabs now
stands, a supermarket.
- No. I'm not with you.
- You're bloody right you're not with me!
You thought you could cheat me
by hiring those hooligans to put
the frighteners on the drivers,
run the business into the ground
and buy me out cheap,
then, bingo, make a bundle out of
selling the freehold of this place.
But you forgot to take into account
my deep-rooted instinct
for knowing when
I'm getting turned over.
Yeah, all right, so you found out,
but it's you that's been
turning me over all this time.
Anyway, you're forgetting something.
I still own 40% of the business.
True, and in view
of your legal position,
that is incitement to GBH, arson,
conspiracy to defraud
I have decided to make you a very
generous offer for your share.
£2,000.
£2,000?!
Now, wait a minute, Arthur!
£1,000, then.
You can't do this. It's robbery.
No, Kevin. Hitting old ladies over the head
and taking their handbags is robbery.
Everything else is business.
But, Arthur, I haven't got anything
out of this!
- Yes, you have, my boy.
- What?
Yours to keep.
That?!
22, 23, 24,
25 quid? It's worth more than that
for scrap!
Terry, it IS scrap.
You're lucky to have a mate like me
to take it off your hands.
But we bought it off you in the
first place!
Yeah, but it's been used as a minicab
since then, and been in a pile-up.
You ought to be paying me to take it
away.
Yeah, well, thanks a bunch, pal (!)
For a friend, any time.
You're making a wonderful investment
here, Mr. King.
You see, under government law,
the government insists you have to buy
the car in order to get the number,
so, you're not just getting your own
personalized number plate,
with your own exact initials,
you're also getting a wonderful little
runabout for the wife as well.
- Not bad for 250 quid.
- Not bad at all, Des.
£125 each, eh?
Mm-hm.
Have you met my partner?
discolor, some resync and a few lines
If you want to, I'll change the
situation
Right people, right time, just the
wrong location
I've got a good idea
Just you keep me near
I'll be so good for you
I could be so good for you
I'm gonna help you
Love you like you want me to
I'd do anything for you
I'll be so good for you
I could be so good for you
I'll do it like you want me to
Love you like you want me to
There ain't nothing I can't go
through
I'll be so good for you ♪