Mirzapur (2018) s01e05 Episode Script


Open the door!
What's taking so long, man?
What the
Yes, sir.
What took you so long?
Sir, I'd dropped off.
Didn't you show him the papers?
What's this?
Sir, some idiot left a
jerry can on top of the carpets.
It toppled, wet the carpets,
and they all bled color.
Move it.
If you'd opened up a second later,
that guy would be dead.
Can I use the computer now?
You've been hogging it for ages.
There's work to be done.
Take it, man.
You owe me one.
You can feel the electricity,
can't you?
I'm gonna rip Mirzapur's ass apart.
Guddu, my boy.
Every motherfucker
is gonna shit his pants.
We're not supposed
to wipe out the town,
just scare them into buying more guns.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Is it fixed, mister?
- How much longer
- Sweety!
For you.
What's this?
Open it and see.
Am I late?
Nah, it's fine.
Rajan Mishra?
I'm Bablu Pandit,
this is Guddu Pandit.
Usman the butcher must've called you.
Business has been down
in Mukeri Bazaar for months.
Why's that?
It's just bad luck.
I seem to get all the fraud guns.
They explode or get jammed.
The customers keep returning them.
And then I gotta return their money.
Nothing I can do.
My wife.
Been married two years.
Have some!
we don't have traditional sweets
so she's just served sugar.
Who's in the family?
Mum and dad
No, not yours, your wife's family.
She's from Jaunpur, no?
Your brother-in-law too, right?
We got a hold of your call records.
You must really love chatting
to your brother-in-law.
Nothing wrong with that.
Once a week, he delivers
a trunk and takes one back.
What's in those trunks?
It's just household stuff.
These guns seem perfectly fine.
So, he gets you fraud
guns from Jaunpur
and you sell our good guns to him.
You profit
at Kaaleen bhaiya's expense.
You have to choose n
What have you done?!
Too much banter, too little time.
Kaaleen bhaiya has given us guns
G-Guddu bhaiya, leave them alive.
Wait for me outside.
Please, my baby.
You let them go?
Yeah, and I got this.
What's this?
Breast milk, remember?
Made a deal with her,
she keeps pumping
it and I let them live.
[To, The Chief Minister,
Uttar Pradesh.]
Mail this.
And give me the receipt.
That I will.
But, Mr Pandit, this is Mirzapur.
You can send all the letters you want,
but nothing's going to change.
[ritual chant]
That's the end of the ritual,
here are the offerings.
you too.
Bless you.
Bless you.
Bless you.
Bless you.
Well, what do you think?
Sir, we'll have to upgrade, restructure
the deals with the gun distributors
and update the standard
operating procedures.
It's the only way
the business will grow.
Anything else?
Yes sir, hire women and children.
They don't smoke, less of a hazard.
The women will finish
their work on time too,
they'll want to get home
to their kids and chores.
And we should put up a clock.
Shift changes will be more efficient.
- As salaam alaikum.
- Wa alaikum salaam.
This is Maqbool's nephew, Babar,
keep him with you, show him the ropes.
He's useless,
couldn't even handle school,
dropped out.
Maqbool, family is family,
however disappointing they
may be you must support them.
Listen up, boy.
If you've taken up responsibility
fulfill it faithfully.
Loyalty is all that
matters in this business.
What was your suggestion
for the gun distributors?
We need to throw them a feast.
[chanting a mantra]
Please stand for the hymn.
[singing hymn]
Praise the Gods!
Got them all?
Yes, sir.
Maqbool bhai,
why is Kaaleen bhaiya
seating us separately?
You've been handpicked,
for a special missive from him.
What's that?
In time
enjoy your meal first.
Listen up, fellows.
I've decided to
implement a new system.
From now on no distributor
will get a gun on credit.
Cash only.
But sir, if we pay you in cash
and these guys take
cash from us every week
The police won't be taking
money from you anymore.
Guptaji, finish your meal.
There'll be dessert afterwards,
we'll talk then.
Sir, what about the fraud guns?
Usman bhai, we'll figure
out something for those too.
What a spread.
Hope you had your fill, boys.
Now you see, there's a problem.
All of you have a Jaunpur connection.
Mr Gupta, the dealers won't
pay you protection money anymore.
Kaaleen bhaiya's reputation suffers
if anyone takes money from his men
and is left alive.
But, Kaaleen
Please rest assured,
the men will handle this.
You will get a fair share
of the gun sales.
Now, to celebrate our new deal
let's bring out something sweet.
Shall I leave, sir?
Full steam ahead!
If you can imagine it,
you can achieve it.
Here you go.
Take it!
Take it!
the guns might explode.
You're head of quality assurance,
Mr Upadhyay,
they won't explode
if you've done your job.
Pick up one of the cheaper ones.
You're right-handed, no?
Why're you aiming with your left hand?
How about this -
pick another gun in your right hand.
Let's test two in one go,
much more efficient.
Here, grab another one.
Go on, aim.
Go for it!
If you use genuine truck parts
they shouldn't explode.
And yet they do, why?
Investigate thoroughly,
you'll find the problem.
And until you do, this is
how we'll do our "quality assurance".
Later, then.
do you guys wanna have a go?
Get out, beat it!
I can't sell you
the truck parts anymore.
Can't grease my palm
if I don't have fucking hands!
The cuntflaps,
they were making me test the guns.
Thank you.
Mr Pandit,
how many more letters will you write?
The violence is getting worse,
the town will implode at this rate.
Well, who'd know better than you?
I hear it's your boys who're
causing this whole ruckus.
You're my friend,
I've watched your kids grow up.
I hope you can stop them.
You know what I mean, right?
Back again, Munna bhaiya?
Do the honors then.
Nice, come on, bro.
You're gonna love this snack.
Do you want something to eat?
Your friends must be hungry.
No, Grandma, we're fine.
We're discussing some business.
You should sleep.
Your grandma's really fucking cute.
That's why I love her so much.
They look expensive, Golu.
Return them if it
makes you uncomfortable.
I'm not uncomfortable, I just
you won't get it
until it happens to you.
Guddu seems serious.
I hope you are too.
Otherwise he'll be heartbroken.
I want to be serious,
but what about Papa?
If you are serious
I'll talk to Papa.
Whatever happens
you know I have your back.
Golu, duck.
Two cream sorbets.
So pretty.
The earrings or I?
The earrings, because of you.
I'm a straightforward guy, Sweety.
I gave you a gift,
you accepted it.
This is getting serious.
So, I wanted to
be honest with you.
I'm a gangster.
I have my own reasons for that,
but if you wish to return
the earrings do so now.
I'll understand.
I'm fairly straightforward too, Guddu.
Why should I return the earrings?
They suit me, you said so yourself.
Guns don't scare me.
Been around them since I was a kid.
you'll be careful, won't you?
With myself, and you.
So, you're saying I can wear the
clothes right out of the machine?
You need to dry them a bit,
but this is the top-end model.
Where's Dimpy?
She's gone to a
friend's for some notes.
You know it's not safe
here at night and you still
Don't worry, papa.
I'd like to see someone
lay a finger on Dimpy.
Oh, yes, I'd forgotten
she's protected by
Michael and Sunny Corleone.
Papa, please stop.
we're just starting
to enjoy the fruits of
And what will you do
with all these "fruits"?
At the end of day,
you'll still be eating bread.
Yes, but at least we
can have it with chicken.
I'm done here, sir.
Have some please.
You have it,
should I pass you the chicken?
Gonna hit 200 today.
I feel strong. Pumped.
Oh man, don't start again.
142, 143, 144, 145,146, 147,
These are Mirzapur's
history-sheeters -
chain snatchers,
Mirzapur's most notorious.
Tell them.
is there a problem?
We make sure to give
Kaaleen bhaiya the money
along with our loyalty.
You're loyal,
that's why we've called you here.
our job is to make homespun guns
and yours is to fire them.
If we stop making the guns,
what will you fire?
Fuck all?
And if we don't fire them then
what will you do after making them?
Fuck all.
So, in order to survive
we need each other.
We want to increase
the homespun gun production
so you'll have to fire them more.
We can only fire the guns we have
and many of us don't even have guns.
And if we solve this problem of yours?
Well, then
Take your pick.
But how do we pay for these?
They're free.
Take whatever you want.
If this is not enough,
there's always more.
Earn what you can with these.
But remember,
keep the guns firing.
Yes, sir.
Also, it's possible that
the police might apprehend you.
But you won't be hassled,
I promise you.
Yes, sir.
Later, then.
Mirzapur is quiet these days
go and make some noise.
Just watch, sir
we'll be celebrating Diwali soon.
Let's go.
Guns for free,
something you just decided?
What if it doesn't work out?
Shouldn't you have
checked with me first?
Kaaleen bhaiya was in the loop,
Munna bhaiya.
Just be patient,
I'm sure we'll get results.
Right now,
we've just increased the supply.
Once they've tasted blood,
their demands will increase,
and so will our prices.
You just tell the factory workers
to get ready for overtime.
Sir, these boys are
ruining everything.
I'm well aware, Usman.
It's Papa's call
so be patient.
Yes, sir.
I'll think of something.
We'll speak later.
Hey, Compounder.
The whole town is
running amok with guns
and you're still
using that damn razor.
Munna bhaiya,
there is poetry in the razor's blade.
The "khchh" when it
pierces skin and flesh
that's what makes
the kill visceral; real.
You're talking like a bloody lover.
Just one, neat slice
and the magic unfolds -
spitting blood from his throat,
his mouth frozen, unable to scream,
the blood spattering
in beautiful patterns,
death becomes poetry;
poetry becomes death.
I need to piss.
I'll be back.
I'll come too.
This is true friendship,
we even piss together.
Let's go.
we'll each hold our own, eh?
Ey, motherfucker.
What the fuck, huh?
Clean this.
It's just some piss, man.
You trying to tell me what it is?
No, no, you're overreacting.
What did you say, cuntlicker?
Munna bhaiya is overreacting?
No, I
Go on, lick it.
Hang on
can't just piss on me and leave.
Munna bhaiya, let's fuck him up. Here.
Do it, do it.
Be still.
Be still, it's my first time.
Hold him.
Give it to me.
I'll show you how
on his throat, and
You were right, Compounder
about the poetry razor shit.
Just give me the word and
I'll give you another
demo whenever you want it.
I'm your friend
a friend in deed.
Time to piss.
come here.
You know what, Compounder?
In all of Mirzapur,
no one knows me better than you.
Well, there was my mum
just you now.
Don't ever fuck me over, man.
you lead the tranny gang, yeah?
That's why I'm asking you.
Take it, sir, I'm not stopping you.
Dip your hand in here
and take the money.
Don't you know begging is illegal?
Are we the only people doing
illegal things in this town, sir?
What about the rest, huh?
- Wait, sir! - Why are you leaving?
Hire me as a constable,
I won't beg then,
my pride matters to me too.
Where are you going, motherfuckers?
Oh look here, Sakina, Jasmine
Ah ha!
Hello, Bablu bhaiya, Guddu bhaiya.
You know us?
Anything that happens in this town,
we get to hear of it first,
our network is solid.
Of course we know you.
May God bless you.
Come Jasmine, let's go.
Here's 500.
People recognize us now, eh
What the
we got you a washing machine
and you're not using it?
I'm washing your father's clothes.
Because I told her to.
My clothes will not
go in that machine.
Why are you behaving like this, Papa?
No, no.
This town might be yours
but this house is still mine.
Papa, we can't get
into this every day.
Just tell us what
you want and we'll do it.
You know what I want.
That's impossible.
At first we didn't have a choice
but now we're enjoying it.
Okay, listen
those curtains you liked?
Go buy them
and tell Dimpy to buy some new jeans.
I'll tell her I got them
otherwise she won't take them.
I wanted to talk
to you about something.
You know, the grocer
we go to for our rations?
I don't like the way he talks to me,
there's a certain lack of respect.
Shall we straighten him out?
Do you have your gun?
I'll get ready.
I'll wear that saree.
What are you doing, bro?
She's Guddu and Bablu's mother, man.
She has to be treated with respect.
Yes, but you can just chat,
why the gun?
Because I can.
This is the good life.
Well, if it isn't
my favorite priestess
How's everything going for you, Guddu?
I'm doing great.
As for you, we'll know soon enough.
Guddu! Guddu!
Guddu, no!
I'll smash all your fingers
and put a bullet
in your skull. Got it?
I'm not that young,
lanky Guddu anymore.
My mother warrants respect.
What the fuck is this
"priestess" nonsense?
You could've just told me, Mrs Pandit.
I understand!
I understand, Guddu bhaiya
and your groceries
for this month are free!
For the entire year, free!
Free for life!
Hey, listen!
Even after I die the Pandit household
won't pay for groceries, understood?
Anything else I can do, Mrs Pandit?
How much for this?
Guddu Pandit.
Bablu Pandit.
If you want to live in this town
remember these names, arseholes.
I'm telling you right now.
Mirzapur will run
at our command.
Sir, you're bleeding us dry while
handing out free guns to those goons.
Just be patient, Usman.
Your profits will multiply tenfold.
My child!
Get out.
file an FIR for your measly
stolen belongings?
It's your life, and property, right?
Be fucking responsible for it.
Once fear grips this town
it won't be just the goons who'll need
guns. The innocent will need guns too.
Guns for attack,
guns for defence.
We'll turn Mirzapur into America.
Come on, give me the money.
This month's crime rate
has fallen, right?
Since we don't report any crimes.
I've been thinking,
we should get Guddu and
Bablu into the "carpet" business.
They've done good work,
the balance of brains
and brawn is productive.
May I say something, Kaaleen bhaiya?
Guddu and Bablu have shot up quickly.
I think
Munna is feeling sidelined.
Munna is an idiot, to feel like that.
After all,
eventually the business will be his.
[Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh]
Easy on the chillies
next time, please.
The government will ask us
to account for every ounce of spice.
Ah, you remembered, sir.
Well, to get you to do something
I know it won't happen
without some ice-cream first.
Ugh, strawberry.
Step up from vanilla, my man.
Try it.
How is it?
Mindblowing, sir.
So, Maurya
there's bloodshed in Mirzapur
and with elections around the corner,
Lucknow is panicked.
The bosses have commanded
you be sent to Mirzapur.
Yes, sir.
If you've got a cold, don't have it.
Sir, we're policemen.
What's a little
sweetener here and there?
Right then.
Go, clean up the city.
[By Government Order]
Off you go.
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