Mixed-ish (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

1 [School bell rings.]
[Indistinct conversations.]
- What about one of them? - No.
- What about Rhonda? - Maybe.
What are you losers looking at? Never mind.
Hey, Rainbow.
I love your sweater.
Thank you! My Aunt Dee-Dee found it at her job.
She always says, "You wouldn't believe how many people leave perfectly good clothes just lying around in their suitcases.
" Cool.
So, the Halloween costume contest is coming up.
And we win every year.
Every year.
And this year, we're going as "The Facts of Life," and we want you to be Tootie.
I totally know who that is, and I'm super excited about it.
BOW: "The Facts of Life" was a long-running 1980s TV show starring three white girls and one black girl.
Guess which one was Tootie.
These days, we as a society strive to be more inclusive.
From our workplaces to the media to our friendship groups, there's a lot more diversity.
But what passed for diversity in 1985 today, we'd call tokenism.
Tokenism is a way for people to say, "Hey, look how diverse we are," without really changing anything.
So, you in? Dr.
Rainbow Johnson knows to be skeptical when three white girls approach me in this formation.
Yes! Definitely! [Click.]
But Baby Bow didn't know that yet.
In the mix Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying But they can't stop us 'Cause we got a love That keeps rising up In the mix Life turns around 'Round and 'round it goes Ooh, it's a mixed-up world Ooh, it's a mixed-up And that's for sure Mixed-up In the mix Baby We're gonna get by We're gonna On our own, side by side Love's all we need to be free Lo-o-o-ve is all I got you, you got me Yaaaaay us! I-I-In the mix Yaaaaay us! I-I-In the mix-ish So, you're not gonna use any seasoning? Just heat and fish? A true chef knows that the heat brings out the natural flavors.
So, you're making "hot fish"? This is why I eat before I come.
Hey, guys.
Our school is having a costume contest on Thursday for Halloween.
A costume contest? Very cool.
Man, being a kid at Halloween.
It doesn't get any better than that.
So you liked Halloween as a kid? Did he.
I love Halloween! [Giggles.]
And that was mid-August.
Hey, is it all right if I go watch TV? The popular girls at school asked me to be in their costume group, and we're doing "The Facts of Life.
" Congratulations.
You made it.
Those popular girls just made you a token.
Rainbow is living in the real world now.
This is stuff she needs to know.
But you don't know anything about those girls.
Are the girls white? And they asked you to play Tootie? Ta-da! Token! What's a token? Oh, that's when a white person hires you or makes friends with you because you're black.
So, should I not do the contest? I mean, is being a token a bad thing? Yeah, it's a bad thing! Those girls only want to hang out with you because they think you're safe.
Like a diet black.
Rainbow, don't listen to her.
I'm sure those girls chose you because they like you.
Don't let anyone tell you who you can be friends with.
People are people.
And if you like those girls, you should do the contest with them.
Can I go watch television? - Yes.
- Don't forget dinner.
Don't want to miss out on that hot fish.
As a preteen, I already worried about boys, rumors, and an oily T-zone.
And now, on top of all that, I had to wonder whether or not I was being used as a token.
[Indistinct conversations, video games beeping.]
Do you realize what this means? It means your life is going to be great.
Pretty soon, you're gonna be hanging out with Rebecca and her friends, doing all the things popular girls do using Nair, shoplifting lip gloss.
I don't know if I want to do this.
What are you talking about? I don't want these girls to just see me for my color.
I want them to see me for who I am.
They will, once you put on a costume and pretend to be someone else.
Why does everything have to be so complicated? I mean, all these stupid words "popular," "weird," "black," "white," "token," "safe.
" I wish they'd just go away.
And I wish I could digest cheese.
But what if there was a way where everyone could just be seen for who they are? Oh, no.
You're getting your "change the world" look.
Do you know why white people and black people think they're different? Yep.
Here we go.
Because they never bother to get to know each other.
But if these girls only see me as a token, I can still use that to teach them that white people and black people are the same.
But we still have air left.
All right, guys, it's busy season.
As you know, when it comes to personal injury, Halloween is our Christmas.
And if it's anything like last year, I'll make enough to leave my family.
They'll be better off.
Now, what did you mean by "Halloween is our Christmas"? Oh, well, things have changed big time since you were off living in the woods, bathing in the crick.
Now Halloween's all about razor blades in apples, razor blades in candy bars, teeny, tiny razor blades in bubble gum.
Oh, I get it.
A little locker-room hazing.
Scare the working mom.
No, no, no, no.
Not at all.
Halloween is truly dangerous.
Think about it dark costumes, masks with tiny, little eyeholes.
It's hard not to hit a kid with your car.
And parents still let their children go out? Oh, yes, they do.
Cha-ching! [Laughs.]
Whoo! If it's killable, it's billable.
[Indistinct conversations.]
Oh, good.
You're here.
I have something for you.
[Locker door opens.]
Thank you for these wheel shoes.
You'll make the perfect Tootie.
And just like that, I had become a real-life '80s black sitcom character.
Which meant it was my job to provide comic relief and teach white people lessons.
So, you like juice boxes, huh? You know who else likes juice boxes? Black people.
My mom packed it for me, so Cool.
Do you know who else has moms? Black people.
You know a lot of random black facts.
Okay, I was still getting the hang of being a magical half-Negro.
But I wanted the girls to see that we are all the same.
You know, my aunt really likes Madonna, too.
Oh, that makes sense because you're half-white, right? Actually, my Aunt Dee-Dee's black.
Black people like all kinds of music.
Oh, cool.
I'll make you a mixtape.
See you later.
What a rush! It felt like I was a secret agent in foreign territory, changing hearts and minds.
But like any secret agent your cover can be blown.
All right, this is the best part of Halloween figuring out what you want to be.
When I was a kid, we used to go as characters from the movies.
So what's your favorite movie? "Cocoon.
" "Cocoon.
" Anything else? Nope.
I'll figure this out.
["Star Wars" theme plays.]
- That's Luke Skywalker! - Aah! - Oh! Get 'em, Luke! - Get 'em! It's Jabba! - Ooh.
- Ooh! - Ohh! - Aah! - [Giggles.]
- No! Go right! It was our first Halloween off the commune, and Dad wanted Johan and Santamonica to have the greatest trick-or-treating experience ever.
So he pulled out all the stops to build the greatest costumes the neighborhood had ever seen.
And the only thing that stood in his way was - Mommy! - Mommy! Wow! Look at you guys! You're gonna look amazing at school.
I can't wait to go trick-or-treating.
Slow down.
I mean, who said anything about trick-or-treating? What do you mean? Is that Is that a problem? It's a huge problem.
But it's the kids' first Halloween.
Why wouldn't they go trick-or-treating? Mm.
[Click, tape rewinding.]
teeny, tiny razor blades in bubble gum.
If it's killable, it's billable.
[Static crackles, click.]
Halloween isn't the same anymore.
There's just way too many bad things that can happen.
Oh, sweetheart, it's the same harmless fun we had when we were their age.
It's not.
So no Halloween? Look, I'm not saying we can't celebrate Halloween.
In fact, we can have a great one right here.
We can throw a Halloween party if you want.
We could carve pumpkins and bob for apples and play "Pin the Hat on the Witch.
" Nobody's gonna come to a Halloween party on Halloween.
They'll all be trick-or-treating.
Well, we'll figure it out.
You need to do something about your wife.
[Both giggle.]
So, we'll see you later for practice? Not if I see you first.
But even if I see you first, I'll still see you at practice.
I was making progress with the white girls, but the black girls? Well, you see how Tamika was looking at me.
Why do you keep looking at me like I smell bad? Why do you keep hanging out with them? I'm getting to know them.
Because, you know, we all have so much in common.
They have moms, they like juice.
What are you talking about? I'm saying you should come hang out with us sometime and get to know them.
My mom said white girls have head lice.
When you're trying to fix racism, there are many approaches marches, protests, a cleverly worded hashtag.
But in the heat of the moment, I chose bribery.
But they have awesome things in their lunches.
What, like hot fish? [Scoffs.]
I wish.
But no.
I'm talking Twinkies.
Every single day.
And if you ask nicely, they'll give you one.
Just come sit with us at lunch.
Please? I'd eat a Twinkie.
Then, once we've filled the barrel with water and we add the apples, the bobbing is gonna be off-the-charts crazy fun! You know I can't swim.
Is that the barrel I was born in? No.
Dad, why can't we just go trick-or-treating? Yes! Guys, come on.
Your mom feels strongly about this.
And And I support her.
It's very important for a husband to support his wife.
I'm telling you, it's gonna be awesome.
Just like pumpkin carving we can carve smiling faces and scary faces.
The possibilities are endless! It sounds like the possibilities are two.
Can you carve this face? Uh, yeah.
Not with the eye roll.
Also, I think your mom's "Pin the Hat on the Witch" game is a great idea.
- No, you don't! - Is that even a thing? - I think it's a thing.
- It's not a thing.
It could be a thing.
[Sighs heavily.]
Look at you.
Admit it, Dad.
Your heart's just not in this, is it? No.
No, it is not! I love Halloween! I love trick-or-treating.
Then you have to make this happen for us.
I know.
So, what does that mean? I got to do something about my wife.
- [Dramatic music playing.]
- [Denise laughs.]
MAN: Will Brock and Angelina reach Christina before it's too late? Never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad you're here.
You're lucky it's a commercial.
You got 2 1/2 minutes.
I need your help with Alicia.
She is adamant about not letting Johan and Santi go trick-or-treating.
- So? They'll live.
- No, I-I-I know, but I want them to experience Halloween.
It's the one time of the year where kids just get to be kids.
Is this the kind of nonsense you people worry about? What other problems do you have that I would kill for? Denise, come on.
I'm serious.
You know, when I was a kid, Halloween was the one night where we were all the same.
White, black, rich, poor we all looked alike.
I remember putting on a face full of makeup so I could blend in with anyone, anywhere.
No one knew that I was the rich, white kid from up the street.
It sound like you did blackface.
No! No, no, no.
I was a chimney sweep.
The point is, I need to help Alicia change her mind for the kids.
Did she always hate Halloween? She loved Halloween.
We used to get a kick out of scaring each other.
In fact, the bigger the scare, the better.
So you're saying to help her get over her fear of Halloween, I should scare her? Yes.
And the most important thing to remember - when you scare her is - We now return to Oop! Time's up! Will Christina marry Emmanuel? Or will Brock and Angelina [Dog barks in distance.]
Hello? Anybody home? [Eerie music plays.]
Hello? Hello?! [Floorboards creak.]
Aaaaah! Ohhh! [Grunting.]
- Kick him! - That's Dad! Kick him till he's dead! BOW: Sound familiar? You may have heard me say this before.
[Tape fast-forwarding.]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! - Kick him! Kick him till he's dead! - No! Now you know where I got it.
Nobody's putting razor blades - Mom, that's Dad! Mom! - That's Dad! Stop! - It's Dad! - What? - Dad! - Mom! Mom! - Stop! - [Paul gasping.]
Paul? What - Ohh, God.
- Get up! What are you doing?! You knew it was me! I can't resist kicking a white man when he's down.
- Ohh! - What were you thinking?! Honey, I was trying to remind you how much fun Halloween could be so you'd let the kids go trick-or-treating.
There is nothing fun about any of this! Halloween just got you hurt! No.
You just got me hurt.
And so did I.
That settles it no trick-or-treating.
Everybody else is going! Sorry.
Why can't we ever do one thing like a normal family? Do you have any idea what it's like being known as the freaks? [Sighs.]
[Breathing heavily.]
Really? The bigger the scare, the better? Okay.
That was Dee-Dee's bad.
So, the next day, I was ready to make headway for race relations.
If being a token meant I was their first black friend, then maybe they were ready for their second.
You guys know Tamika? I heard you guys have Twinkies.
Yeah, I was telling Tamika how much you guys like Twinkies, and she was like, "I like Twinkies.
" And it hit me why don't we all like Twinkies together? I just heard you guys were passing out Twinkies.
Have you ever heard of "please"? Look, I'm not gonna beg you.
Oh, I also forgot to mention how much we all love our moms and juice! You guys are weirdos.
I'm out.
What was that all about? I know, right? I told you we picked the right one.
Wait, what do you mean you picked the right one? I mean you're awesome.
It would be so cool if all the black girls at this school were as nice as you.
And there it was.
I had failed at my mission to unify the school.
When they said I was nice, that meant I was more white or diet black and that wasn't a compliment.
I need to go.
[Knock on door.]
You okay? You barely ate dinner.
I wasn't in the mood for Dad's hot fish.
Honestly, he's made hotter.
Do you want to tell me what happened? Is it your new friends? They're not my friends.
They only chose me for my color.
I thought I could show them that everyone was the same, but then they said that they wish all black girls were like me.
Sweetie, I know what that's like.
I go through something like that almost every day at work.
What do you do? I make sure they know that they're just talking out of ignorance or fear.
Look, anytime something like that happens, it's because people are afraid of what they don't know.
People feel safer around other people who are like them.
But you know what? I am so proud that you tried to show them we're all the same.
But I didn't say anything.
I just stood there.
I didn't always have the confidence to say something.
That comes with time.
And when the time is right, you'll know what to say.
I hope so.
I know so.
Go to bed! I love you.
- Love you.
- [Door closes.]
I hear gurgling when I breathe.
You're not hurt that badly.
I don't think I should fall asleep tonight.
How important is your spleen? I talked to Rainbow tonight.
She all right? She's good.
Thanks to me.
I gave her some great advice about ignorance and irrational fear and not letting them determine how you live your life.
Brilliant, really.
That does sound brilliant.
It's kind of weird that you don't take your own advice.
What are you talking about? Letting fear control your life? Isn't that what you're doing with the kids and trick-or-treating? No! It's totally different.
It's a little different.
Honey, I totally get wanting to keep the kids safe, but we let Santi drive a tractor.
I think this is one of those times we just have to let go a little and let them be kids.
Like their friends, you know, so no one thinks that they're freaks.
[Inhales deeply.]
Johan! Santi! We're going trick-or-treating! - Yeah! - Mommy, you're the best! - I love you! I love you! Yay! - Yeah! You're awesome! Yeah, this seems fair.
[Indistinct conversations.]
You look amazing! We're so gonna win.
Are you ready to go? Yeah.
Actually, I can't be Tootie.
What are you talking about? [Click.]
It's hard to explain what courage feels like, but Mom was right.
When I was ready, the words were right there waiting for me.
- [Click.]
- I was so excited to hang with you guys.
But yesterday, when you said you wished all the black girls at school were like me? Not cool.
You only think I'm different because you never even talk to the rest of them.
So if you don't think it's worth the time to get to know them, then you'll have to find another Tootie.
There it was my first time demanding to be seen as a person, not a color.
It may have been my proudest moment.
Now excuse me.
But it was also my first time on roller skates.
- [Ray Parker Jr.
's "Ghostbusters" plays.]
- But what I ultimately learned was to not let myself be defined by labels and instead just be true to myself every part of myself.
Sorry if I ruined our chances of fitting in.
It's fine.
We'll have plenty more chances.
We're gonna have boobs soon.
If there's something strange in your neighborhood When it comes down to it, people pick tokens because they don't want to step outside their comfort zones.
They fear the unfamiliar.
And it don't look good Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters But that year, I realized people's assumptions about you are just that assumptions.
I ain't afraid of no ghost The family in the neighborhood you think is weird? They actually might be pretty cool.
BOTH: Trick or treat! Hey! I'm a woman with a new attitude.
You know I'm Patti LaBelle.
Aah! [Girls scream.]
The girl you chose for her color might actually be a friend if you give her a chance.
running through your head Who can you call? Halloween 1985 will always stand out as the first time I tried to change how others saw me.
But I realized that year that the most important thing was how I saw myself.
Hey, I've been thinking a lot about that whole token, safe black person thing, and I-I think I get what you're saying.
I'm not sure you do.
No, no, I'm a great judge of character.
Um, Ike Turner safe.
Mike Tyson safe.
Bobby Brown safe.
Yes, I can talk now.
Last one Bill Cosby safe.
Oh, oh.
Can't forget "The Juice," O.
Simpson safe as you get.