Mixed-ish (2019) s01e15 Episode Script

This Charming Man

1 BOW: Valentine's Day no matter how you do it, it's a day that tells you a lot about where you are in life.
- [Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams" plays.]
- My siblings were still innocent, with their paper hearts and candy, but I was a sophisticated 13-year-old woman with a boyfriend.
Hey, Rainbow, do you maybe want to do something after school? Thoughts and dreams that scatter Like, as in a date? Yeah, it's going to be Valentine's Day, and we're well, you know.
Well, well, you So, would you like to go on a date with me? You make my dreams come true Yes.
- No.
- Of course.
[Music distorts and fades.]
I-I-In the mix Yaaaaay us! I-I-In the mix-ish Absolutely not.
You don't have time for dates.
Right now, your job is to concentrate on school.
But I'm getting straight A's.
I-I'll be home early.
Dad, can you Oh, don't look at me just because I'm the cool parent.
But can't we talk about this? Bryce's parents said it was okay.
Rainbow, you heard me.
- Good night.
- [Sighs.]
[Crickets chirping, dog barks in distance.]
What's the big deal with her going on a date? She's 13.
No decent bar will let her in.
Here's why it was a big deal.
Allow Dr.
Johnson to explain.
Truth is, black girls have a preciously small window to actually be seen as girls.
This ties back to slavery, when black girls were seen as women so they could work and have children as early as possible.
This might be one of the reasons why a Georgetown study found that adults think black girls as young as 5 need less protection and nurturing than their white peers.
So my mom, like her mom and her mom's mom, had to worry that if I acted like an adult, the world would see me as "fast.
" Rainbow's just too young.
We weren't allowed to date until after we graduated college.
Mm-hmm, that's right.
And since I didn't go to college, I'm technically still not allowed to date.
Come on, it's Valentine's Day.
Oh, we don't celebrate fake holidays.
But for what it's worth, I was her age when I went on my first date.
Yeah, but those were different times.
White picket fences, suburbs.
All I'm saying is, I barely know this Bryce boy.
All right, honey, how about this? We meet Bryce's parents, and if you still feel the same way afterwards, we just call the date off.
Fine, we can meet them.
And for the record, - you are not the cool parent.
- Oh, really? Well, who lets them reach in and touch the hippos at the zoo? But now you're banned from there.
And that's not cool? [Scoffs.]
JOHAN: What happened to your hand? I got a paper cut from opening all my Valentine's Day cards.
Love hurts.
It doesn't hurt when Mom loves me.
What do you think Valentine's Day is all about? It says it right there "Valentine's is fishstick Friday! Couples get double!" Hey, want to sit with me tomorrow so we can get extra fishsticks? No, Valentine's Day is for boyfriends and girlfriends.
You're not getting double fishsticks, because you don't have a girlfriend.
I have a girlfriend.
It's Micaela.
Remember? She asked me to Sadie Hawkins.
I have to go hang out with my boyfriend Tom.
Or Billy.
Or James.
You're lucky you're lying about having a girlfriend.
Micaela is my girlfriend.
You'll see.
My mom had said that I couldn't go, but my friends weren't gonna let a little thing like permission from a parent stop them from getting me ready for a date.
We know you kissed Bryce, but we're talking about making out.
Do you know about the make-out spots? Well, the mouth is one, right? No, we mean, like, the bench by the creek.
That's where my sister says the high school girls go on dates.
Or the movie theater.
You should just go there, because I don't think you can handle the creek, even though you were probably born in one.
Everything starts at the concession stand.
- Mm-hmm.
- If he buys two sodas, he plans to take things slow.
I heard, if he buys one soda with two straws, he's thinking first base.
One soda with only one straw, - he's expecting second base.
- Mm-hmm.
And if he buys chocolate mints, you know he's a super-freak.
You don't know about bases, do you? I know you have to Root, root, root for the home team [Chuckles.]
No, the bases.
Clearly, I have to start from the beginning.
You're gonna want to write this down.
First base is making out.
- With tongues.
- Mm-hmm.
TAMIKA: Okay, tell her what second base is.
I could not believe what I was hearing.
First base had tongue? Why was dating so gross? It's not weird.
Everybody does it.
You all are disgusting.
There is no way this is what Bryce is planning.
I won't need any of this.
- The world is going to eat her alive.
- Mm-hmm.
[Indistinct conversations.]
You must be Rainbow's parents.
"You must be Rainbow's parents" why do you think he made that assumption? Like we're the only mixed couple in this town.
Babe, we are.
Just try to keep an open mind.
- Hi.
How are you? - Hey.
- Hi.
- Nancy.
- Hey.
- Yeah.
Nice to meet you.
- Nancy.
- Great to meet you, Ken.
It's great to finally meet you.
We've heard so much about Rainbow.
Ah, and Bryce has such great hair.
Oh, this is so cute.
I remember my first date.
As you can imagine, it was hard for my mom to explain to white people that she didn't want her daughter to date because of slavery.
So, as they talked about how great this date was gonna be, Mom ended up getting peer-pressured.
What do you think, honey? Should we just try it? [Sighs.]
Okay, well, I guess it wouldn't hurt - if we let her go on one date.
- One date.
- Ah, we did it.
- And I'll take this.
- ALICIA: Thank you.
- Oh, really? It's my pleasure.
Plus, I'm feeling flush.
Thank God for trickle-down economics.
Am I right? As far as Dad was concerned, Mr.
Olsen just said he loved Ronald Reagan.
It's getting late.
I got to tuck the kids in.
Thanks for this lovely dinner.
- You know - No.
Thank you for a wonderful evening.
Just keep going.
Hey, what's up, buddy? Granddad, is this card good? - [Door closes.]
- I need it to get extra fishsticks.
Okay, I'm gonna need more information on this one.
Couples get double fishsticks tomorrow at lunch, and I want Micaela to know that she's my girlfriend.
You're talking to the wrong guy, buddy.
I make sure all my girlfriends know they're not my girlfriend.
But if you're really set on this, you're gonna have to do better than a homemade card.
Really? But Dad says it's the thought that counts.
Yeah, that's what all women want a big bouquet of thoughts.
Look, if you want to win this girl, you need to go big.
I can do that.
I told Rainbow she can go on her date.
It'll be okay, right? Hmm.
Yeah, it'll be okay.
Right? Uh, yeah, yeah, uh, it's gonna be fine.
I just wish she'd picked a boy from a better family.
There it is.
You thought I was overreacting.
Look who I had to hold back from going "Full Paul.
" "Full Paul"? Yeah, you always overreact.
Like, if people's politics don't line up exactly with yours, you hate them.
Yeah, well, why do you hate people? Paul, you can't write people off before you have the full picture.
Ken made one comment about trickle-down economics, and you're barking about how he's such a bad person.
Yeah, because he is a bad person.
And it's not like I do this all the time.
Okay, babe.
I'm serious.
And I did not overreact with Ken tonight.
And I said, "Okay, babe.
" [Sighs.]
My friends might have known about the bases, but they didn't know Bryce.
He wouldn't want to go to some nasty baseball make-out spot.
BRYCE: Hello? Hello, Mrs.
Is Bryce there? Hey, Rainbow, it's me.
Oh my God, I keep doing that.
Anyways, my mom says I can go on a date.
So, what do you want to do? We could go to the movies.
[Organ plays baseball pep music.]
Uh, well, I've already seen all of them "Pretty in Pink," "Highlander," "Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation.
" What about the arcade? The arcade is so boring.
What do you think about the creek? - Never mind.
The movies is good.
- Great.
I'll pick you up at 6:00.
I guess it's a date.
[Bat smacks baseball, crowd cheers.]
BOW: Root, root, root for the home team You know what? I don't know if I'm ready to go to the movies.
Don't worry, Rainbow.
- You're just nervous.
- Yeah.
When you see how good you look after we finish getting you ready, you're gonna be just fine.
I brought you something to wear tonight.
My dad cried when I wore it to the mall, so I know it's perfect.
Are you joking? I can't wear that.
TAMIKA: Yes, you can.
Everyone's doing it.
You don't want to be the only one not doing it.
Teenage girl peer pressure.
Nothing quite like it.
- So, you think I'm ready? - Almost.
White Diamonds perfume.
My grandma says it's an "intriguing fragrance by Elizabeth Taylor.
" I think that's enough.
I tell you when it's enough.
[Indistinct conversations.]
As much as I want to see this, are you sure you want to do it? Do what? Talk to my girlfriend? Watch out, Santi.
Happy Valentine's Day, Micaela.
Oh, hi, Johan.
- What's all this? - These are for you.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
Thank you, but you're just a kid.
No, I'm a man.
I even wash my hands after I go pee-pee.
This is really sweet, but I don't like you that way.
That's a pretty mean thing to say to your boyfriend.
Johan, you are not my boyfriend.
Oh, cool, our first fight.
You'll feel better once you open your locker.
What? [Pop.]
I am not his girlfriend.
I am not your girlfriend! [Laughter continues.]
Told ya.
You should have listened to me, dummy.
I know.
Would you guys say that I overreact when people disagree with me? You mean go "Full Paul"? You do it all the time.
Yeah, one time, you walked 54 miles just 'cause some friends couldn't "sit at a lunch counter.
" What? How good could the food have been? That might be the worst possible example, but that doesn't mean you don't overreact and write people off.
You guys don't know what you're talking about.
Hey, Harrison, isn't that the soap from the news? HARRISON: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Shine is in bed with the oil companies so that when they have a spill, they only use Shine to clean it up.
They're basically rooting for oil spills.
Seriously? - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
This family will not support corporate greed at the expense of our web-footed friends.
- [Laughs.]
- [Laughs.]
Fool, we made up that soap story.
Yeah, now you're literally standing on a soapbox.
Okay, maybe I went a little too far here, but I definitely didn't do that with Ken.
He's a bad guy.
You know what? I'm gonna grab a beer and prove what he's really like.
[Box thuds, cabinet closes.]
Oh, Rainbow.
That's an outfit.
A high school boy said he liked it, too.
Hold on one second.
[Chuckles nervously.]
Put this on.
You want me to wear a blanket? Yeah, honey, it's it's it's - cold in the movies.
- Babe, babe.
- Hmm? - She's gonna be okay.
- But, um - [Horn honks.]
That's Bryce.
I should go.
It's really R You don't - No? - All right.
- [Door opens.]
- Uh Gosh.
- Hmm.
- [Door closes.]
[Indistinct conversations.]
Hold on.
This is what went on at the movies? What on Earth happened at the creek? When I looked in the mirror, I didn't know who that was.
I was starting to wish I'd taken the dusty couch blanket from my mom.
I got us a soda to share.
One soda, one straw? That meant Bryce was ready to get serious.
You know what? I'll get my own straw.
Why? It's not like I have cooties.
Two straws might just be better.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever you're more comfortable with.
That was easy.
What had I been so worried about? Oh, I almost forgot.
[Rick James' "Super Freak" plays.]
She's a super freak, super freak All my dad had to do to prove that he was justified in going "Full Paul" was to show that Mr.
Olsen was a bad guy.
- Hey, did you hear he news? - Mm.
Shine you know, the, uh, the dish soap they're in bed with the oil companies.
They're basically rooting for oil spills.
That doesn't make any sense at all.
I mean, I hate to criticize journalists, but that news sounds fake.
Like fake news.
Well, the way I heard it made it sound real.
Anyway Ken, tell me about yourself.
My dad proceeded to use his semester and a half of law-school training to try and trap Bryce's dad into morally incriminating himself.
My God would never judge people like that.
Of course slavery was wrong.
Why wouldn't I let a woman drive? It turned out, this was harder than it seemed.
Ah, we've had such a great time here tonight, right? - [Chuckles.]
- W-W-What do you say we both just blurt out our favorite slurs? Uh, Paul, I think I know what you're trying to do.
What, bond with another white guy about our favorite slurs? [Sighs.]
The other night, when I mentioned trickle-down, I could tell you didn't like it.
And ever since then, you've been pretty hostile.
I mean, do you always decide who someone is based on one comment? Okay, I'll I'll admit it.
I made a snap judgment about you, but that's why I'm here to get to know you.
Well, if you were actually trying to get to know me, you might have learned that I have three sisters and grew up in Cleveland, and I've volunteered at a homeless shelter for the last 10 years.
But you didn't ask about any of that.
You really volunteer? Every week.
[Soft music plays.]
Thanks for the beer.
I can't believe I let Rainbow go on that date.
Mama would have snatched me up if I tried to walk out of the house dressed like that.
Yeah, but when Mama would do that to me, it just made me want to do it even more.
That's just how teenagers are.
So, what are you saying? I should do nothing? I'm saying you don't need to worry about Rainbow.
She's a big nerd, just like you were.
I wasn't that big of a nerd.
[Chuckles, snorts.]
Anyway, e-everyone else seems okay about her going on this date.
Maybe things are different here.
[Paper rustling.]
What in the Goddess' name? I'll say things are different.
"The Bases"? You know what Mama would've done.
Go get the keys, and I'll get the wooden spoon.
You should've seen it! And Johan was crying all hard like that lady was the time I went to court with you.
[Imitating sobbing.]
Why me? Ugh.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
So, everybody was laughing at him? - Even you? - Of course! Granddad, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Santamonica, it's one thing laughing at a stranger's misfortune, or even some acquaintances or even friends, but this is family.
You don't laugh at your own flesh and blood.
Bryce still hadn't opened his chocolate mints.
Was something supposed to happen after he ate one? Or did he have to finish the whole box before things got weird? I'm glad your mom let you come out.
Me too.
Or maybe I just let my friends get in my head.
Bryce was a nice boy.
What was I so afraid of? Do you see them anywhere? Dag, give me a second for my eyes to adjust.
Oh! Rae Dawn Chong is in this movie? I got to come back and see the whole thing.
- [Sighs.]
- WOMAN: Shh! [Soft music plays.]
Rainbow Sojourner Johnson! Stop it! Hey! Get your hands off of her! - Oh! - Ow! - Ohh! Oh.
- [Gasps.]
Sis, we got to go.
I just hit a white girl.
ALICIA: Sorry.
Mom? Aunt Denise? [Girl sobbing.]
- [Mid-tempo music plays.]
- [Water running.]
Oh, oh, [Chuckling.]
There she is.
- Did you have a nice Never mind.
- [Door closes.]
- What was that about? - I just caught Rainbow about to make out with that boy Bryce.
About to make out? S-So, that means they were just sitting there? Attempted murder is still a crime, Paul.
Babe, you know, you were right about me and Ken.
I, um I overreacted, and I ended up jumping to conclusions.
Do you think maybe you're doing the same thing with Rainbow? You think I like being the overprotective mom barging into a movie theater and ruining Rainbow's first date like that? Then why'd you do it? Because, Paul, black girls don't get to be kids.
I was younger than Bowdie when I learned that.
I was in a store, looking at dolls, and before I knew it, a clerk was dragging me away, saying I was shoplifting.
They called the cops and everything.
I'm sorry.
And you're scared the same thing is gonna happen to Rainbow? That or something worse.
And I know I should warn her about how people see her.
But I want her to be, uh, young for as long as possible.
Is there anything I can do? Not this time.
I'm gonna go talk to her.
[Inhales deeply.]
Hey, Paul, were you washing dishes with a bar of soap? - No.
- [Knock on door.]
You here to hit me with a spoon? [Sighs.]
Bowdie, I'm sorry for embarrassing you tonight.
I might have overreacted a little.
A little? You treated me like a child.
I know I did.
And that's what I need to talk to you about.
[Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All" plays.]
However you do it, Valentine's Day is a day that highlights where you are in life.
I believe the children And if you're lucky, it can help you take a step forward.
Teach them well and let them lead the way Whether it's learning that there are more important things than winning Granddad, look what my secret admirer gave me.
She finds me "beary beautiful.
" HARRISON: Nice sentiment.
Terrible pun.
But still a win! Yeah.
I needed it.
Let the children's laughter You know, you're always gonna have to look out for your brother.
Remind us how we used to be It's gonna be a long life.
- I decided long ago - [Doorbell rings.]
Or learning not to let someone push you into being the worst version of yourself.
If I fail Hey, you busy? I got a minute.
Come on in.
Or seeing how you can't let the world push you into being someone that you aren't.
They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest Thanks for coming over.
I don't know if I was ready for the movie theater.
I'm really glad you said that.
All the boys at school kept telling me to get chocolate mints.
I don't even like chocolate mints.
I'm starting to think no one at school knows what they're talking about.
greatest love of all inside of me ALICIA: What? - Happy Valentine's Day, honey.
- [Chuckles.]
Oh! Even though it's a capitalist celebration of gender roles? - Yeah, but it's still kind of fun.
- Mm-hmm.
Does this mean, uh Ha ha, ha ha.
- [Chuckles.]
- Come on.
Heeeeeey Yeah, yeah I'm just a happy Not the hair.
- I would never, babe.
- Mm-hmm.
- Shampoo? - No, thank you.
- Oh, you said no shampoo.
Yeah, all right.
- No, I said no.

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