Monsters vs. Aliens (2013) s01e03 Episode Script

The Toy From Another World

MVA MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens It's us vs.
them Foe vs.
friend Brain vs.
It's a super-freaky job Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens Monsters vs.
Aliens [cackles] Monsters vs.
Aliens MVA 1x04 - The Bath Effect The game's five-card hogwash, boys.
Jacks are fours, and bushy eyebrows are wild.
Dealer bats first.
Play cards! Uh, buddy, so why you all stretched out? [tires screech] [screams] Whoa, my butt's gone.
Where'd it go? It would seem this is a case for The Monstery Mystery Club! Whoo-whoounit! Nice logo.
I dig the colors.
[ominous music] Ahh! [vulture screeches] [grunting] Ah, mystery solved.
Susan's the culprit.
So, it's always the giant ones.
[grunting] I'm trying to get B.
B into the bath! Oh, now I remember.
Yeah, I totally ran away from her.
[sighs] Good times.
Save me! [all yelling] Oof! Feel free to jump in here, guys.
Give it up, Suze.
is not a bath guy.
Persistence is futile.
Seriously? Come on! Wait, where did he [sneezes] Hi! Hey, you know, you're sinuses are immaculate, Suze.
Ahh! [laughs] [wheezes] Oh, how I enjoy displays of utter incompetence.
Whatevs, Coverton.
You're just cranky 'cause your head smells like rotten gym shorts.
Burn! Foolish Earth dweller.
That aroma controls my telekinesis.
Whoo Ahh! Without it, my mind would create a hurricane of psionic force that would be the end of us all, so go kiss a floognarg! [blows raspberry] - Better burn! - It was.
[blows raspberry] Come on, B.
If you don't take a bath, you'll wind up like Coverton.
Whoa, like Coverton? You don't mean I'll become cranky? - Cranky? - Cranky! Being cranky is my worst fear in the world, Susan! Wait.
Are you saying baths cure crankiness? Well, if it'll get you to take a bath, sure Don't say another word! I'm a believer! Out of the way, people! Incoming! [machine beeps] [machine squeaking] [bell rings] - Ooh, looking sharp, big blue.
- Oh, thanks, Susan.
- You really saved me back there.
- Aw, don't mention [giggles] B.
! You were looking kind of cranky earlier, Susan, but don't worry.
A bath will cure you in no time! [yelling] In a world filthy with cranky people [western music] one B.
knows how to cure them.
[imitates machinery] His weapon? Bath time.
Hold tight, you miserable cranks.
Old B.
's coming to save you.
Onwards! [clang!] Backwards! [foreboding western music] Ahh! [laughs] Whoa! Oh! There's soap in my eyes! [rubber duck squeaks] [people screaming] Not the loofah! [people groaning] Huh? What? What in Sam hill? B.
, why are you hogwashing my troops? [tense melodic whistle] - Cranky.
- Holster that scrubber, solider! That's an order! [laughs] [screams] [laughs] Uh-oh.
See you! Ow! Walk it off.
Walk it off! A-ha, I'm already in the shower! You can't get me! [rubber duck squeaks] "A shower is not a bath.
" [laughs] Mama Monger! [laughs] [acute string music] [ominous music] [bubbles blipping] Monsters, I am not a happy General! B.
's little soaker stunts have cost joe taxpayer millions in damages! On top of all that, my fingers are so pruney, I can't even pilot my jetpack properly! Ahh! If you're so mad, then why you still wearing the cap? This is leave-in conditioner, son.
Soldiers follow instructions! Back to work! Thank you, sir! Anti-cranky mission nearly complete.
- All: Cranky? - What now? Yeah, Susan told me baths cure crankiness.
Ah, floognarg.
[chuckles] General, forgive the intrusion, but I heard you were having a Monster problem.
May I suggest relocating the blob? The center of the sun is delightful this time of year.
[laughs] [gasps] Cranky.
Loofah! Wait, this is about baths? [splutters] Overreact much? [quivering] Get a hold of yourself, Coverton.
A bath never killed anyone.
Besides, that smelly comb-over of yours could use one.
Fools, you have no idea of the danger! What to your limited senses is foul stench is precisely what keeps my powers in check.
Without it, a telekinetic hurricane will destroy us all! All: Oof! Basically, if the idiot gives me a bath, we're all doomed.
General, this calls for drastic action! - Give me the nuke codes.
- Unacceptable! I am not in the mood for doom today, teleki-whatsis or otherwise.
Coverton, I'm putting my best men in charge of protecting you: Team Monster! All: Us? - Them? - Me? All: B.
? [laughing] [shouting] Monsters, protect Covert [gags] Gosh, I can't even say it without feeling throw-uppie.
[clears throat] - Monsters, protect Coverton! - Listen to Susan.
[laughing] Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster! Come on, I just want to make you happy! Target sighted.
Intercepting with freeze ray in three, two one! Ahh! Targets headed west.
Also, ow! General, can you see them on surveillance cameras? Negatory! B.
, gave them all baths! Just leave it to the fish man.
Easy, little buddy.
You don't want to tussle with all this muscle.
[grunts] Tiny duckies.
Seriously? You're gonna need something a lot bigger than [squeak!] I made that one for Susan! Give it back when you're done borrowing! [laughs] [splutters] [screams] [gasps] Oof! [screams] [loofah brush crackles] [imitates lightsaber] The cranky is strong in you.
Me, cranky? Of course not.
See, I am as cheerful as a fluffy bunny in a meadow Oh, I'll just blast you! Back away, or you're vapor.
[snickers] Sure.
I already had my bath today anyway.
[babbles] [machine beeping] Ahh! B.
, you can't do this! It will destroy us! Sorry, Susan.
There's a cranky alien who needs my help.
[both grunting] But all that stuff I said wasn't true! - A bath won't help him! - But you said I know, but I was just joking.
- Joking? - Baths don't really cure crankiness.
I guess I just have a weird sense of humor.
Oh, well, that clears a lot up.
[sighs] Wait, how do I know this isn't a joke too? You, with your self-described "weird" sense of humor.
Everybody needs a bath! No! [beeps] [screams] - What's with her? - Waiting for the doom.
Um, why aren't we doomed yet? Hmm, it's a pickle.
According to Coverton, we should be suffering unimaginable pain - inside a psionic firestorm by now.
- Then why aren't we? [bell dings] [laughter] He's just [laughter] Yes, hysterical.
Coverton, what the blazes is going on? - You said we'd be wiped off the map! - Oh, uh, did I? [chuckles] Silly me.
What I meant to say was this happens.
Oof! [laughter] In that case, at ease, men! I'm off to find a new jetpack.
Do the sounds [men imitating jetpack rumble] I should have known Coverton's a big, stinky liar.
Well at least you were right about baths curing crankiness, Susan.
Would you look how happy Coverton is? His frown turned upside down! 1x05 - The Fuit of All Evil TV: It's third and seven with 14 seconds left.
Driscoll drops in the pocket, throws deep and Interception! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Taylor's at the 20! The 10! Touchdown! The Thunderbolts beat the Vipers 21 to 17! Whoo! An exciting conclusion to your sporting contest, Link? Oh, yeah, Doc.
I cannot wait to rub Monger's face in this.
His Vipers went down like - [gasps] Link! - [spits] What? - You're eating Diane! - Diane? - B.
's girlfriend! - What? No, I checked.
's girlfriend Diane is clearly marked with Ahh! I ate Diane! [groans and spits] B.
will be crushed when he finds out I ate Well, actually, he'll be confused, cause, let's face it, that's his comfort zone.
But then, when he finally gets it crushed! What do I do? I could drop the brain of a capuchin monkey - into the skull of a wombat.
- And that will help how? In this situation, not at all, but it is something I could do, so I thought it should be noted.
Link, just tell B.
the truth.
Yeah, no.
I'm gonna make a new Diane.
will never know the diff.
Except I don't know how to do that.
Suze, help me make a new Diane! The truth is like ripping a bandage off: Do it fast.
it'll hurt a little, but you'll feel better in the long run.
Hey, guys, anybody seen Diane? I got to tell her something.
Diane! B.
, buddy, you know about bandages? Oh, right, she's chilling in the fridge.
[laughs] Wait! A gentle-blob such as yourself shouldn't just barge in like some kind of Barger guy.
Diane might be getting dress ing? - [laughs] What? - Dressing? What about - Also, Link has a thing to show you.
- I do? Yes, that really, really cool thing? Remember? The one that took an hour to an hour and a half for a firm mold.
Oh, yeah.
That really, really cool thing.
Gosh, I really should talk to Diane.
On the other hand, I love really, really cool things.
What are we waiting for? Let's go, Link! Uh, okay.
What happened to the bandage of truth? Stickier than expected.
I can't wait to see this really, really cool thing! - Where is it? - In a really, really cool place? And we need to take a car to get there! Whoo! Road trip! I just couldn't bear to see B.
crushed, okay? - I panicked.
- Obviously.
Add boiling water to gelatin mix, add pineapple, stir, chill.
That's it? So mundane.
Okay, where's the pineapple? - There are some leftovers in here.
- Ew! We can't use that.
Not in its current state.
But with the help of science? [cackles] - You mean mad science? - Ooh, busted! So how much longer till we get to the really, really cool thing? 'Cause we have been gone for what seems like, yeah, a pretty ridiculous amount of time here.
Oh, you'll know it when you see it, B.
[laughs] - Hopefully I will too.
- Okay.
That comment confuses me, but I'm going to disregard it 'cause confusion's kind of my comfort zone, right? Yeah, right.
You know, you really understand me, Link.
Just like Diane.
- I mean, there is a lot of Diane in you.
- You have no idea.
[burps] Rise, tropical rubbish.
Rise to your full-fruited glory through mad science! [cackles] [electricity crackling] [cackles] [dramatic organ music] [cackles] Hey Dr.
C, I found a can of chunks way in the back of the cupboard.
[cackles] But fresh is better than canned.
[growls] Ahh! Unless it tries to eat me! [growling and snapping] [screeching] [high-pitched snarling] - Is that your stomach? - No.
Why? Are you saying I ate something I shouldn't have? 'Cause I didn't.
I totally did not! Whoa that was kind of a disproportionately defensive - response there, buddy.
- Uh, yeah, I guess it was.
[snarling] I mean, you do eat some things that maybe you shouldn't.
But you work out too, so it's a healthy lifestyle.
[tires screech] B.
, I have to tell you something.
It won't be easy for you to hear, but I owe you the truth.
Link, buddy, I already know.
- You do? - Yep! We're here! And you're totally right! That is one really, really cool rock! [growling and screeching] [roars] I mean, I like how it's pretty much like every other rock you've ever seen, so it's not all in your face about coolness.
Yeah, that's it.
That's the reason I dragged you all the way out here.
Totally worth it.
[snarling] [sighs] No, B.
, the truth is [loud crash] [roars] A mutant pineapple is eating my car! Wow, this place is chock-full of cool things! [snarls] [roars] No, B.
, it isn't.
Run! [screeches] - And what exactly are we doing now? - Waiting for water to boil.
Boring, but it's the next step, so please don't say Mad science can solve that! Eep! [kettle whistles] Ha, my microwave blaster [boom!] [camera shutter clicks] May have been a little more robust than the situation called for.
- Doctor, your mad science - Is making you mad? - Little bit, yeah.
- Understood.
[roaring] [grunting] Ooh? [screeches] That's a tough pineapple! [both screaming] Now we wait for the gelatin to set.
Wait? Ha! Who needs to wait when we have mad Dr.
Cockroach, you go mad science, I go ginormic! - Are we clear? - Very clear.
Ixnay on admay iencesay.
Clear as ice.
Or is it? - I know what you're thinking.
- Doubt it.
A monkey-brained wombat could tunnel through this and get help.
Shame nobody listened to me earlier.
Aw, Link, I got it.
We just become puddles and hide! - Um, B.
, I can't become a puddle.
- Not with that attitude, you can't! Come on buddy, just put a little effort into it! B.
, seriously! It's physically impossible! I cannot become a puddle! Strange.
You never mentioned this before.
I wonder what other secrets you're keeping from me.
Well, okay, now that you mention it [screeching roar] - We'll talk later! - Yeah! [roars] [both screaming] [gasps] B.
, buddy, this is the end, so I've got a few things to say.
[roars] Look, you've been a tight pal, B.
, the best this prehistoric fish-man ever had, and that's why I need to come clean about Diane.
- Diane! - Yeah, Diane.
- I ate - No, Diane's part pineapple! - Hey, I bet if I tell this guy - No, I don't think that's Hey, guy, crazy coincidence.
You're a pineapple, and I happen to know a [chomps] B.
! No! So you're gonna eat me? Go on.
I don't care.
I deserve it.
[burps] Huh? I ate my best buddy's gelatin girlfriend, and then he got eaten! And now I'm gonna get eaten! I think there's some poetic justice in there somewhere maybe.
[rumbles] Anyway, the worst part is, I never even told him how sorry I was.
It was an accident.
I never meant to [rumbles] Uh so are you gonna do this or [grunts] [rumbles] [screeches] [boom!] - Aw, B.
- Yeah? B.
, you're alive! Yeah, I guess I don't digest very well.
So you didn't hear anything that might have sounded a little like a confession? Like a what Whoa, Link, look at me! - I look just like Diane! - Yeah, Diane.
See, what I - Whoa! - Come on.
I got to show her this.
- Know what? Looks good.
- Agreed.
will never know the difference.
Diane! Diane! Where's Diane? Oh, there! Check me out! Pineapple chunks! - We're twinsies! - He's buying it! - Thank goodness.
- The great gelatin romance continues.
Oh, and I almost forgot.
I'm breaking up with you.
All: What? Guys, please.
Kind of a private moment.
I was gonna tell you earlier, but Link had this really, really cool thing he needed to show me.
Don't be like that.
I think we've both known for a while this wasn't working.
Plus, I've met someone.
She's a banana pudding cup.
I hope we can still be friends.
Come on, Evelyn.
You got to see this rock.
It will change your life.
So we went through all that for nothing? I guess.
Oh, well.
Anybody want some [slurping] What?