Monsters vs. Aliens (2013) s01e02 Episode Script

Danger Wears a Diaper

MVA MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens It's us vs.
them Foe vs.
friend Brain vs.
It's a super-freaky job Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens [cackles] # Monsters vs.
Aliens # Monsters vs.
Aliens MVA 1x02 - Danger Wears a Diaper [alarm buzzing] We've got us a situation that requires 100% of your attention and 110% of your ability! Failure is not an option! And yet you fail by demanding the mathematically impossible 110%.
So I will [growls] quiet now.
[device beeps] Hey, kids.
Great news.
I'll be in your neighborhood today, so I thought I'd pop by.
And, oh, I almost forgot.
I checked my day planner, and guess what.
It's my birthday.
Birthday? Oh, boy, oh, boy.
We can have cake and streamers and a clown named Gary who smells like Bologna and [screaming] Balloons.
But please, no birthday gifts, 'cause that would embarrass me on my birthday, especially high-tech gadgety gifts on my birthday.
Birthday! That is the situation.
Operation get the best high-tech gadgety gift ever for the President is a go! - We're gonna have balloons, right? - The helium tank's in the corner, B.
, but I don't have any balloons.
- We'll have to improvise.
- Impro-vo-mo-zize? That requires a quick mind, which I do not have.
I'll just have to come up with something on the fly.
Okay, spotlight's on you, Dr.
Coverton's gift for the President will no doubt be awesome.
So many awesome choices.
Should I go with amazingly awesome or step it up to tremendously awesome? Hmm.
Probably some cool space tech like an intergalactic waffle iron.
- Do they make those? - No, no, no, no.
No, that would blow his primitive earth mind.
Oh, decisions, decisions.
So it's up to you to score us a win.
Bring it! - Susan, consider it brought.
- Whoo-hoo! I impro-vo-mo-zized! [chuckles] Only one way to decide this.
Eeny, meeny, miny, melon, catch a floogsnark by the talon.
[electrical whirring] [bell dings] The President touches down in five.
Doc, we need something now.
- Link, one cannot rush genius.
- I'm not.
I'm rushing you.
- I found balloons with fingers.
- Fantastic, B.
But, you know, the cake's kind of a problem.
I found one in the men's room, but it was small, and I really, really, really did not like the taste.
Doc, now! [electrical sizzling] [explosion] [laughs] Success! Okay, what is that? And, perhaps more important, is it safe? Safe? We haven't time for such trivial concerns.
Follow me.
- A tie? - I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a tie within this tie box.
Well, we know you can't top my gift, so why bother? - Are we late? - Did we miss the President? And Gary the clown who smells like Bologna? You got in just under the wire, Monsters.
Oh, guys! Who told you it was my birthday? You told us.
[chuckles] Don't you remember? Gosh, with your big old [shouts] Mr.
President, on behalf of the hard-working men and women of area 50-something - What is that? - A gift of good will from the stars.
I wish you a joyous birth anniversary.
This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! I've always wanted one.
- It's it's - It's just the box.
A watch? Yeah, I was expecting something a little more good.
President, this is more than a watch.
It is the Defensinator, the most advanced personal defense system in the universe.
Try it on.
[device beeping] Greetings.
Would you like a demonstration of my capabilities? Absolutely.
Particle weapon.
[all grunting] Whoa! Antigravity.
[device beeps] [laughs] Laser cannon.
Force field.
[laughs] End demonstration.
The time is 2:54.
- And it tells time? Amazing.
- Mr.
President, the Defensinator will completely protect you from any and all harm.
Best gift ever! [clears throat] Your turn.
Didn't have time to wrap it - What is it? - Or name it.
President, meet the, uh, Skin-o'matic-atronic- derma spa-rejuvenalizer.
[electric zapping] It's incredible! I look ten years younger! My poll numbers will go through the roof.
This is better than the best gift ever.
Let me do the calculations.
That makes I um Yes, oh, oh, let's see.
The best gift ever! [groans] In your squishy little face! And I don't like your toes! There's always next year, Coverton.
[growls] Something happened.
I don't understand, but that's not unusual, Coverton! [grunts] [chuckles] Come on, Monsters.
I got a birthday cake, - and it ain't gonna eat itself.
- I can make you one that does.
This is nice.
Hanging out with old Team Monster.
- Why don't we do this more often? - Well, sir, we'd like Anyhoo, I'm supposed to give a speech at 5:00, so one more blast for the HD cameras couldn't hurt.
President, I wouldn't Uh No! Not full strength! [electric zapping] [all gasping] [babbling] - Oh, no! - Cool! When did we get a baby on our team? No, B.
, the rejuvenalizer turned the President into a baby.
No! There's got to be a more possible explanation, like it made the President so young he's now baby-shaped.
- Which is what I said, B.
- That's not what I heard.
[giggling] Anybody else freaked that he's already wearing a diaper? You have to change him back.
He's supposed to give a speech on tv! I'm not changing it.
[knocking at door] Mr.
President? - It's Monger.
- Yes, I know.
Quick, someone act like the President.
President, they want you in makeup.
Be right there.
Just, um, vetoing some bills and launching some missiles.
Give me a minute.
- Do something! - If I reverse the polarity, it should quickly age the President back into an adult.
What are we waiting for? [giggling] Antigrity activated.
[babbling] Oh, no.
Force field.
[grunting] Got him! [electrical zapping] Monsters, what's going on in there? Open this door! One second.
Just appointing some ambassadors to East Slimelinia.
[shouts] [electrical zapping] [all shouting] Escape protocol initiated.
[giggling] Great.
Now what? [shouts] Monsters, in the name of national security, - I order you to open up! - Oh, General Monger, we were giving the President a rejuvenating spa facial.
I am the President.
Oh, yeah, he's cuckoo for clean pores, this guy.
[chuckles] Anyhoo, we're just gonna go ahead and take him into makeup and hair and all that and get him ready for his big speech.
Okay? Bye-bye.
[groans] Monsters.
[babbling] [all shouting] [explosion] [babbling] Hey, there he goes! Ah, Monsters, is the President still with you? Go! This is the President.
I'm having a private lunch with the Monsters, who I'm falling in love with all over again.
It's ow! Yes, Mr.
President, but the Defensinator was just one of several gifts I have for you.
[chuckles] I'm sure you'll like these even better.
One grows luscious, thick hair.
Ooh! Forget it, Coverton.
The Monsters pantsed you.
It's done.
Let it go.
I hate your feet.
[babbling] - Is there a baby in there with you? - No, that's, uh, B.
You know how he gets on taco Tuesdays.
- Got to go.
- It's taco Tuesday? [shouts] [munching loudly] Pollo.
[device beeping] Laser canon.
Okay, we need to improvise.
I believe the word is impro-vo-mo-zize.
What have I got to work with? This won't be enough.
Perhaps if we get to the cutlery, I can fashion a weapon.
You can't use weapons against a baby and/or the President.
- He's using weapons against us.
- Baby President, you turn off that thing right now, or you're going to get a time-out.
[shouting] [giggles] That's showing him, Link.
[babbling] [all gasping] We have to motivate him to shut down the Defensinator.
- Think.
What do babies like? - What do baby Presidents like? This one likes destroying things.
Not sure what that buys us.
Hi, guys.
I impro-vo-mo-zized, just like Susan said.
[babbling] [in slow motion] Oh, no! [device beeping] All right, don't tell gross-toes I said this, but you got to admire the craftsmanship.
It's almost The time is now 5:00.
All: The speech! Where is he? We're live in five, four, three, two, one.
[electric zapping] My fellow Americans, it's my birthday.
And I'm in my birthday suit! [screaming] 1x03 - The Toy From Antoher World [laughing evilly] - There it is again, the evil chuckle.
- And those shifty eyes.
Why doesn't he want anyone to see what he's doing? - Creeps me out.
- Wait, guys.
I got this.
Doesn't want anyone to see.
- Okay, I think he might be naked! - Just saw him wearing clothes, B.
Have you checked under those clothes? Naked.
He's gone.
Time to find out what our alien guest is hiding.
- B.
? - Eye, Dr.
Seriously, you got to hold my eye.
Won't fit through.
[chuckles] [laughs] Guy kind of loves himself, huh? Hey, gorgeous.
- What exactly are we looking for? - Plots, schemes, perhaps some anti-earth propaganda.
Anything suspicious.
You guys, look at this.
I love him! Who's a plushy alien? [chuckles] [laughs] Coverton has a teddy alien? Does'ums have a binky and a "night-wight" too? It appears to be some sort of advanced interactive animatronic toy.
- May I, B.
? - Yeah, go for it.
Try the hug.
It's awesome! Check it out.
Secret disguise hood.
It's kind of suspicious, right? "Sure fit self-snugging underwear.
Just say, 'snug me.
'" Snug me? [screaming] Get it off my face! Adaptable alien undergarment technology.
Call me intrigued.
Ready for action.
Record your shutdown code now.
Hi, there.
My name is B.
, and we're going to be best friends now because you're an alien teddy bear and I love you and [both grunting] [gasping] Tell me that was a fresh pair.
Doc? Link? What are you guys doing over here? Certainly not [gasping] snooping on Coverton without telling you.
That was good.
Really slick.
- Gah! - But cupcakes are kind of funny, because nobody ever serves them in a cup.
I mean, am I supposed to drink it? That's weird, right? Shutdown code recorded! Where is the leader? Where is the leader? Oh, you mean Susan! Aww.
[beeping] Leader identified! [shouts] Bad alien teddy bear.
We do not try to blast Susan! Stop that! Command received.
Repeat your shutdown code to confirm.
- Shutdown code? - Uh, what? [laughs] That is not your shutdown code, silly.
[shouting] - What is that thing? - B.
found it in Coverton's room.
- We thought it was a toy.
- But, in fact, it is not a toy.
Yeah, I got that.
[laughing] [muzak playing] [whimpering] [all shouting] Shutdown code.
Of course! You spoke to the teddy alien when it activated? Yeah, I guess.
Well, whatever you said, it took as a verbal password.
To shut it back down, you'll have to repeat your exact words.
- All of them? - How much did you say to that toy? [all gasping] [tires screeching] Seriously.
Best hugs ever.
[explosion] [tires screeching] Hmm? [grunts] Oh.
Mustn't play in Coverton's toy box, hmm? Contents may be unsafe for children.
[laughs] [slurps] [shouts] [people screaming] [grunting] [shouting] [crash!] [grunting] Ow! You fuzzy little [grunts] B.
, it would really help if you could remember that shutdown code.
Yeah, I could totally see how that would help.
Go, Susan! [laughs] I got it.
[shouting] [grunts] - Eureka! - What is it? A voice print of the shutdown code.
Each time B.
repeats one of the words he used, that section will light up green.
Get all the words, and we can turn that abomination off.
Hi, there.
[device beeps] [on device] Hi, there.
Yes! "Hi, there" was the first thing you told the plushy.
Keep going, B.
! [loud crashing] I'm thinking you two could work better without a rampaging alien psycho toy.
Link, come on.
We'll lead it somewhere else.
Just hurry up with that code! Bye, Susan! Have fun not getting exploded! - Love you! - Right, B.
Time to jog your memory.
Start reciting the alphabet, and when you get to the right letter, it should trigger the words - that you're looking for.
- Oh, got it.
"A," "B," Triangle "F," backwards "R" Smiley face, rainbow, "M" Wait! "M"! I think I said something about cupcakes.
[device beeps] [on device] Cupcakes.
Cupcakes actually does not start with the letter "M.
" Uh, pretty sure it does, doc.
See? Slight change of plans, oh, Grand Coverlord.
My zed-7-epsilon attack plushy was triggered prematurely.
but you'll love this part.
The cretins turned it on themselves, and they can't remember their own shutdown code.
[laughing] All I have to do is sit back and - There you are! - Occupied! [grunts] [toilet flushing] [people screaming] [grunting] Your machine.
You turn it off.
And, by the way, killer plush hidden in your bedroom, a little suspicious.
Told you he was up to something.
[shouting] So sorry, Susan, but the zed-7-epsilon is beyond my control.
Once activated, it won't stop until it's taken down the local leader.
[laughs] Tragic.
[screams] Then why would it attack me? You're the leader.
Well, of course what? [shouting] Leader identified.
[giggles] [screams] [on device] Alien teddy bear and I love you and this one time the Sasquatch pretty pony We are halfway to the code, B.
[electronic whirring] Oh, she is definitely the leader.
Oh, he's the leader.
I await your orders, commander.
[grunts] Totally not the leader.
[slurps] What in Odin's thunder are you doing to my mess hall? - Sir! - Boss! General Monger! Sir.
Leader identified.
[chuckles] Yes, I'm the leader.
Who are Oh, poop.
[explosion] So close, B.
Look around.
Try and recreate the moment you first spoke to that devilish dolly.
Then just shout whatever comes to mind.
Go! Intercontinental tooth fairy disco conspiracy! [on device] Intercontinental tooth fairy disco conspiracy! Why on Earth would you have said that to a plush toy? Somebody's got to warn the people.
[explosion] General Monger! [groaning] Good thing I always wear a standard-issue missile-proof uniform.
Oh, and that protects your soft, plushy head too? No, it does not.
[both grunting] Yes.
Stop him.
We must save Really need that shutdown code.
One last word, B.
You have to remember.
Dig deep into that gelatinous mass of head goo.
Talking out loud while I do it.
I remember! That's where Link left the self-snugging undies! B.
, you mindless genius! [both grunt] [grunts] Snug me.
[explosion] Those are some quality underpants.
- You did it! - Right on! Outstanding, Monsters! [sarcastically] Whoo-hoo.
Well done, B.
You may not remember much, but you really nailed the important bits.
Oh, yippity-dingle-doo! [device beeps] [on device] Dingle-doo! Code complete.
Oh, shut up.
Coverton, am I to understand you brought an unauthorized killer robotic fuzzball onto my base? [stammering] It was but an innocent toy.
On my planet, all playthings are packed with lasers and missiles that hunt down the local leader.
[laughs] Children and their games.
Sir, if there's nothing else [chuckles] Actually, just one more thing here.
Extra snug me.