Moonbase 8 (2020) s01e04 Episode Script


Clean driveway.
"Long Way Up" by Jailhouse
All right.
[engine starts]
I've got fire and lightning
Flowing through the insides
Of my veins
I'm giving all I can
It's a long way up
When you're coming
from nowhere
Don't stop
-[tires screech]
-[music distorts, fades]
-[ignition sputtering]
-Come on.
Are you kidding me?
Let me guess, it's spark plugs.
Damn it.
Don't have the spark plugs,
can't do the tune-up.
Can't do the tune-up
if I don't have spark plugs.
Come on!
upbeat music
[narrator] If Andy were to step
out on the surface of the Moon
without a space suit,
this is what would happen.
In the near vacuum of space,
the gases within his body
would immediately expand.
[cartoon music plays]
-His blood would
appear to boil from
-[TV clicks, chimes]
-Oh, come on.
[NASA project manager]
Attention, Moonbase 8.
Congress has approved
our budget
for the next fiscal year.
Funds to the Moonbase program
have been cut by 15%.
In order to offset
some of the losses,
we are pleased to announce
a new partnership with Mars.
We're going to Mars.
That's great.
-Well, let's see.
-We'll see.
-connected us with
the Mars candy company
who just signed
a three-year deal to become
-an official NASA partner.
-Well, I mean,
they've got
cool products.
They got M&M's,
obviously Mars,
which isn't as popular
in the United States,
more of a British thing.
-Um, Snickers, they've got
-Can we listen
-to the rest of the report?
-Snickers ice cream.
I-I know what candy they make.
you will participate
in the product testing
of an exclusive new candy:
the Snickers
Honey-Glazed Maple Bar.
Thank you.
Hmm. What do you
think, Cap?
Orders are orders, boys.
All right,
let's check it out.
Eat those things up, I guess.
Got some, uh, comment cards
for you guys to fill out,
"Please complete the
questionnaire by marking X
in the appropriate box."
Let's dig in.
See what we got here.
-Ooh, boy, look at that.
-Oh, it's swimming in honey.
I don't know if I want
to hold this, you know,
if I'm driving or something;
it's very sticky.
[Cap] Got a lot of drips
happening here.
-Feel It's like
-Oh, I can hear it.
-It's that smack to it.
What about, um,
a separate little, uh,
bag that has
the honey in it?
-Like a dipper. Honey dipper.
-Little Yeah.
Well, that's what they did, uh,
with, uh, McDonald's Corp,
-with, uh, Chicken McNuggets.
So it becomes
a sort of family
You-you put the honey
in the middle--
Oh, yeah, write that down.
This would be a nightmare
for long-hair dog owners.
Your hands are
all sticky.
Your cat or your dog comes up,
and you give them a pet.
I'm feeling affectionate
when I see the word "honey."
Like, "Oh, hi, honey."
[Rook] I got to tell you,
it's good to have honey.
-It's been a while.
-[Cap] Yeah.
Guys, what are we doing?
I feel like NASA's
just farming us out.
This has nothing
to do with our skills.
How are we taking this
-This pencil's stuck.
-I went to MIT,
not Hersheypark.
Whatever this is,
I-I feel silly.
I-I'd rather not do this.
Well, write it all down.
"I'd rather
not do this.
Dr. Henai."
Gonna get some nutrition.
Need to eat something
that has some value.
I think this is
important work.
We're helping out NASA, and
we're having a fun time doing it
with these sweet treats.
-[horn honks in distance]
light music
[Skip] Hey, guys?
There's a
There's a new base.
-Just west of here.
It's SpaceX.
Space sex?
No. SpaceX.
-Like your ex-wife.
Or my ex-wife.
-[Skip] Here. You seen this?
-Yeah, this guy.
Huh, looks like
Leon DiCaprio.
No, it's "Alon" Musk,
the guy who owns SpaceX.
Yeah. They're going to Mars.
-Wait. They're going to Mars?
-They think
-they're going to Mars.
-That's pretty cool.
No, it's not cool.
They set up their base
within eyesight of us?
That's not cool.
That's not cool.
It's cocky.
And I don't like it.
-Where do they get off,
doing that? You know?
I think we should
be good neighbors
and go over there
and say hi.
Oh, that's a cool idea.
[Cap] Well, I'm not
breaking protocol.
And that's a dick move
on their part.
ambient music
All right.
You guys
where are the good bagels?
You know? The canned ones.
We got, like, a big shipment
in last month.
Yeah, we got, like,
a gross of those.
I think they just sent
these dehydrated little ones.
Which I'm not gonna eat.
These budgets cuts
are just killing me.
I'm trying to do experiments;
I can't even eat a bagel?
-Geez, tell me about it.
-It sucks.
Oh, that dishwashing
liquid there,
I've been watering that down
for weeks.
Your dish soap is a problem?
How about my rover
needs three spark plugs?
And those candy bars?
Testing those? What
What does
How does that help us?
Tell you one thing.
All those guys at SpaceX?
You think they're worrying about
money or budgetary concerns?
-Uh, no.
-No, I don't think so.
They just ask their buddy "Alon"
and, boom, it's there.
"'Alon,' hey,
could I have 20 bucks?"
"Yeah, no problem."
[sighs] You know,
I just can't help thinking
of what Christ says,
about turning the other cheek
and loving thy neighbor.
I know you don't want
to hear this, Cap,
but maybe the right move is
to go over there and explain
our situation, hat in hand,
and maybe they can help us out
with our bagel situation.
I don't think
we're allowed to do that.
Wait a minute.
atmospheric music
That is a great idea.
What do you mean?
What I, what I said?
You said we can't
break protocol.
[Cap] I did say that.
But that is a great idea.
We don't just ask them
for bagels, though.
We make conta Oh, my gosh.
This idea.
Why didn't we think
of this before?
We propose a merger
of NASA and SpaceX!
Hmm. That sounds
pretty complicated.
No, no, no, it's a grassroots,
bottom-up idea.
-This is a good idea.
-[chuckles] It's a good idea,
but they're private,
we're public.
-We can't just wa
So what? My cable company
and my phone company merged.
Like Blockbuster Video, they
just went from a store thing
to a what-whatever
happened to them.
-They-they changed.
-A chain.
Yeah. Yeah, well,
they-they changed.
-They morphed into something.
-[Rook] That's a great point.
Calberry Cross took Lutheran
United, just scooped them up,
made for a bigger,
better church.
-[chuckles] All right.
-[Cap] NASA.
SpaceX. Boom. Problem solved.
Hmm. I wonder if Billy Goat
is over there
-at the Mars simulator.
-Who's Billy Goat?
He worked under me at JPL.
He was like my protégé.
-[Rook] [gasps] Look at him.
-[Cap] Whoa.
[Skip] That's him right there
in the middle.
-[Cap] With that beard.
Yeah, he's so cool. He looks
like he's in System of a Down
or 3 Doors Down,
one of those groups.
That is the coolest person
I've ever seen in a lab.
We put this picture up
in the NASA Twitter feed
and everyone went crazy.
They were just like,
"Who's that guy?
No, not her. Him."
And he ended up being
a judge on BattleBots.
Wait, are you telling me
he worked for JPL under you?
Oh, he used to get me coffee.
Come on! He was your peon.
-He'll do whatever you say.
-[Rook chuckles]
Listen. All right,
here-here's what's happening.
I'm suspending protocol,
-We're gonna make
this merger happen.
[air horn blowing]
bright music
[birds chirping]
-[Skip] Whoa.
-[Rook] What the heck?
"At SpaceX, we value the
emotions of our fellow man.
We would love to have you over
to see our facility,
but we're afraid
that is not a possibility
based on our strict adherence
to a class 100 clean room."
"Please plan on receiving us
at 3 p.m. tomorrow."
"Receiving us"? They-they
want to come over here?
-All right, looks like
-we got some guests.
upbeat music
-I could do beef-style stew.
-You're good at that.
-Hey, guys.
-Sorry, I'm dyslexic.
-Caputo on deck.
-Yes, sir.
-You look great, man.
Yeah, I clean up all right
when I make an effort.
We got to razzle-dazzle
these guys.
I never saw that hat before.
You were on the Hancock?
No, I wear this so I look cool.
Come on.
-[both chuckle]
-Were you, were you on--
-Did you serve time on the--
-What are we doing here?
Are we getting ready
for this party or what?
[Cap] All right, so I'll handle
the introduction, okay?
-[Skip] Okay.
-[clears throat]
Uh, greetings, Martians.
Welcome to Moonbase 8.
My name is
Commander Robert Caputo.
Oh, hey. Cooper.
Billy, hey.
Hi, I'm Alix.
Uh, these are
my associates.
This is
Professor Scott Sloan.
This is Dr. Michael Henai.
-[laughs] Hey.
-Dr. Henai!
-Good to see you.
-It's been forever.
Thanks for stopping by. Hello.
-[Alix] Hey.
-Hey, uh, Billy.
I-I don't know
if I can tell,
but, u-uh, d-do you
still have the beard?
Ah, man, that was
a long time ago.
Oh, yeah? What kind of beard
did you have? [laughs]
He had a long green beard.
It was so cool-looking and, uh,
I hope you guys get to see
pictures of it someday.
Didn't fit in the helmet.
[laughs] So
Well, we wanted to thank you
so much for inviting us here.
-Do you guys want to go
get the thing? Uh, and as
a token of our appreciation
for inviting us,
Elon wanted you guys to have
a very special gift.
-[Rook] Oh, look at that!
-[Alix] Yeah.
-[Skip] Thank you.
-[Rook] What the heck is that?
-[Alix] It's the new
Tesla Powerwall.
That's very cool. We have
an air-conditioning system
in place, but I'm sure
we could use that--
No, it's a battery.
It's amazing battery tech.
It'll totally up
your efficiency game.
Ah, wow. It's almost like
we're on the same team already.
Well, thank you very much.
That's very kind.
-Yeah, of course.
-Without further ado,
let's get started on our tour.
Right through here,
and watch your head.
-We wrote it out.
-Watch your head.
So these are
our sleeping quarters.
Watch your head.
Cap's bunk. Rook's bunk.
-I'm in here.
-[Cap] I call it a pod.
Oh, yeah.
This is graphite.
We've got, uh, internal
temperature controls.
So, sort of warm and cool
at the same time,
so we don't have to futz with
some kind of a little device
or whatever;
it sort of self-regulates.
There's a restroom
right over there.
We used to not have
a shower curtain. Now we do.
-Hooray. And, um
-[soft chuckling]
How thick is our carpet about?
-It's a half a millimeter or so.
-This is just standard stuff.
It's an indoor-outdoor.
-Got a good nap to it.
-[Skip] Yeah.
[Rook] Easy to clean;
we just get one of those
little tiny duster--
what do you call it?
The DustBuster.
-It's awesome.
-Just [whirs]
-But we told NASA,
we're just like,
"We need good carpet."
-We don't want to--
you know, we're not--
-[Alix] Yeah.
We don't want that,
that balling up to happen.
[Skip] No.
Especially on the Moon.
How does this measure up
to your pods?
-[Alix] It's kind of similar.
-[Cooper] Similar.
Ours is a different color.
-[Cap] Mm-hmm.
And it's a little
s-- more spread out.
-Yeah. Yeah.
There's only so many ways
to skin a cat, right?
Let's show them the rest
of the hab.
-[Skip] Come on.
-Show you where we hang out
and stuff.
[Rook] Yeah, yeah,
you lead this one, Cap.
We got all our movies here.
We got all the best
science-fiction movies.
We got Logan's Run.
We got Silent Running.
We got 2010. Working on 2001.
-Yeah, if you know anybody
-Don't have that yet.
We've got research footage,
too, from previous missions
-that we can access, by year.
[Cap] And then,
on Thursday nights,
it's actually our official
movie night, and
Can we invite?
Yeah. You're invited.
-Hang out?
[Cap] You guys
want to see the kitchen?
[Rook] Oh, yeah,
the kitchen's awesome.
Oh, it's state of the art.
Hey, um, Billy, want to show me
that Powerwall setup?
-Yes. Yes. Yeah.
-Let's go take a look.
-It's good to see you, man.
-You, too. It's been ages.
-I know.
That should up your efficiency,
like, 40%.
Wow. Thank you so much.
This is great.
Yeah, man, my pleasure.
-It's great to see you,
you know?
-[laughs] Yeah.
-You, too, man.
-You're exactly the same.
-Well, except for [laughs]
-Except for that,
but it's just like
no time has passed.
-Oh, man.
-And you're happy?
-Things are good over there?
-It's amazing.
-I mean, how could it not be?
-You know? [laughs]
Yeah. Hey, how's, uh,
how's NASA treating you?
-it's okay.
You know, they don't really
use me to my full potential.
They've got us testing out
candy bars.
-Which seems fun on paper,
but then it is just-- I'm like,
"What am I doing here?"
Yeah, I've heard about
the setbacks.
-It-it sucks.
We have actually been
talking about this idea
where-- and maybe you could
mention this to Elon--
a merger between SpaceX
and NASA.
I mean, can you imagine
the brainpower?
The energy?
Yeah, I mean, I-I-I think
Elon's got, you know,
all the top equipment
and people already.
-You know?
-Oh, he's-- yeah.
That is a dumb idea.
Why would he--
-Well, it's not dumb,
but, you know--
-It's dumb.
You know, we're always looking
for top-tier science talent.
I Why don't you
come over to us?
-I mean, just you.
Not the other guys.
And you could secure
a position like that for me?
I mean, look,
NASA was your dad's thing.
Maybe it's time for you
to step into the future.
It's a lot to consider.
And, uh, yeah, I'll
yeah, I'll give it,
I'll give it some thought.
[Rook] This is starting to
heat up over here. It's cooking.
[Cap] Yeah, what do you got?
What do you got?
-You almost done?
-Yeah, this is
the beef-style stew
I was raving about.
He's crazy for
that beef-style stew.
Yeah, it stinks,
but it tastes great.
What else?
And I'm gonna serve
some dehydrated pizza pies
with a pepperoni
So you guys are still eating,
uh, dehydrated food?
-Yeah. Space food.
-[Alix chuckles]
Why? What are you guys
eating over there?
Um, well, we just have
different kinds of food.
-Yeah, um,
mainly a lot
of street food.
Our catering is, um,
is pretty amazing, actually.
So it's like, Wednesday,
we have Vietnamese street food.
Thursday, we got
Thai street food.
We got Sicilian street food.
Well, if you want
street food here,
I'm happy to go out and try
to find a dead pigeon for you
-or something.
-That's good, Cap.
-Yeah. Street food, our food.
"Oh, this is a porcupine quill?"
-[snickers] Yeah.
-[Alix] Yeah, we just found
that dehydrated food is actually
very bad for your system,
and that eating
fresh food
actually keeps the mood elevated
and keeps the brain
a lot sharper.
You know, if I have too much
fresh fruit and vegetables,
it goes whoosh!
Just straight through me.
-He's the king of diarrhea.
-[Cap] Yeah.
-Something smells good.
There they are.
Let's eat, guys!
-[Billy] Interesting texture.
-Want some more, uh,
powder for your drink?
Uh, I'm okay.
No, thank you.
Oh, shoot.
Guys, I'm sorry.
I should've done this earlier.
I would like to say
a quick little grace,
and welcome our new guests
to the table here.
Dear Lord, I just
want to thank you
for providing this bounty
for us.
And continue to watch over us
and our new friends.
Rook, you don't
have to do that now.
We can
-We're okay.
-You sure?
-They understand.
-Wait, so--
-It might not be for everybody.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry to offend,
-if I offended you guys.
-No, no, y-you're religious?
-That's-that's so, um
Yeah, it is pretty cool,
How do you rationalize,
you know,
scientific concepts
such as, you know,
string theory, big bang,
you know, evolution, with
something like Christianity?
Actually, there's this book
by Dr. Peter Tinkleton.
I don't know if you're
familiar with him.
Uh, he's posing this
incredible theory that
when the Lord
talks about days,
they're actually referring
to decades.
-Who cares? You know?
No one gives a shit
-Anything's possible.
about any
of that stuff.
I'd like to propose a toast.
-Cheers to our new neighbors.
-Here we go.
-Cheers to you.
And while I have
the floor, um
I got kind of a cool idea
I want to present to you guys.
Um, you've probably heard
that NASA's getting pinched
by old Uncle Sam the miser,
uh, financially.
And so, what I want
to propose to you guys
that, hopefully,
you'll take straight up
back to the top,
is that we do a merger,
where we take NASA
and SpaceX,
and we mix them
And we could call it NASA-X,
or Space NASA, or
if you want to go fun,
we go SNASA.
-Has a ring to it.
-That is awesome, Cap.
-That's an awesome idea.
-[Alix] Yeah, I don't
I don't know. I don't know
if that's feasible.
Yeah, but it-it could
be feasible.
Mm. Yeah, just,
I don't, I don't,
I don't think
it's-it's possible.
[Billy] Uh, Skip actually
mentioned that merger, and
-[Cap] What?
-Yeah, well--
Yeah, we talked about it
a little bit already.
You already talked about
the idea with him?
-Yeah, yeah. We've known
each other a while, so
What did he tell you
about the idea?
-Funding from Elon to--
-No. No.
-[Cap] No, that's not
what I said, Skip. Sorry.
-[Skip] In-in essence.
I'm not after your money, okay?
This is not a holdup.
It was just, I'm talking about
a-a partnership.
Like, what she said, I-I don't
think it's gonna happen.
They also might not have
the authority to-to do that.
Yes, I'm aware of that.
That's why I said
bring it up to "Alon."
-Anyway, I thought it was
worth considering,
and Skip disagrees.
-I'll note that down
in my notes.
-I-I don't disagree.
Okay, Skip, gotcha.
Uh, if you're interested in
the Dr. Tinkleton stuff
I was talking about,
there's actually a DVD series
that he put out.
You can check out
the cartoons and stuff.
I spoiled the mood.
I get it, all right.
I'm not a dummy.
-[Billy] No, it's okay.
-No, I spoiled the mood.
I lost my temper in a way.
Um, it's fine.
Sorry if I--
You know, I'm sorry.
-No, no.
-If I--
I just
We like you guys.
-[laughs] Okay?
-[Rook] We really do.
We think you're cool.
And hopefully you think
we're pretty cool.
And I just didn't
want you to leave
before I got a chance
to know you, you know?
What about you, Cooper?
You're just sitting over there
pretty quiet.
W-What's your deal?
Let me guess. Harvard.
Um, Stanford, actually.
-Ah. A good choice.
-Good choice. Mm-hmm.
-Thank you.
What do they do at Stanford?
You play any sports or--
Um, yeah, I actually
used to run track.
-Ah, track.
-There's that.
A little spring
in your step, huh?
-Yeah, you could say that.
-You think you're pretty fast?
tense music
I did all right.
Won some competitions.
That's good.
Yeah. Well
A real Speedy Gonzales.
[both chuckle weakly]
You think you're faster than me?
I-I don't know--
I wouldn't know.
I know how to find out.
Have a good old-fashioned
footrace right now.
You want to do that?
-Yeah. Let's suit up.
-You really want to do this?
Let's have a footrace.
-[Skip] No, no, no.
Let's just eat--
Come on. Go with it,
go with it, go with it.
[Rook] If Cap wants to race,
we're suiting up. Let's go!
[Cap] Okay, we're gonna go
from here to the rover
and back.
This is so stupid.
I don't care who wins.
If I win,
you guys set me up
with a one-on-one
with "Alon" Musk.
-If you win,
I will give you
that NASA rover.
You will take it
home with you.
-Cap, no. Come on.
-No, no, no.
We're doing this for pink slips.
I mean it.
Let's do this.
All right, I want a clean
and fair race. You hear me?
On my mark.
intense music
set go!
-[glass breaks]
All right,
where are those keys at?
Cap, you okay?
Oh, man.
Rook I lost the rover.
I-I don't know what happened.
I just, my feet got caught up
It's all right. Take it easy.
I guess I'll just
lay here for a bit longer,
maybe get some sympathy
out of it.
Maybe it's a do-over?
We can ask.
We can always ask.
Just-just take
a minute, okay?
Just catch
your breath.
Hey, you know what, Cap?
You got a little crack
in your helmet there.
-See that?
-There's a crack in the helmet?
Yeah. See that?
Well, that's a helmet breach.
You're right,
that's a helmet breach.
It's helmet-breach
protocol, then.
Yeah. Initiate
helmet-breach protocol?
You know all the dialogue
and everything, right?
I got it all down pat.
You ready?
-Okay, I'm gonna go into it.
Three, two, one.
Ah, helmet breach!
-We have a helmet breach!
-Helmet breach!
Initiate Protocol 92!
Don't you leave
my body on the Moon.
[Rook] I'm not
losing you, damn it!
[Cap] You listen to me,
you get me off this rock!
Man, they're really going
for the Oscar over there, huh?
[Cooper] All you need is
Stanley Kubrick directing.
[Alix] I know. Don't they know
we're not on the moon?
-What was that joke?
Oh, I was saying, you know
how a lot of people think
that NASA faked
the Moon landings,
and that Stanley Kubrick
directed it.
All right. Well, you know that
my father pretty much created
the Apollo program.
So you're saying that
he faked that?
-No. Not at all, not at all.
-No, no.
-I'm just saying
-[Alix] They're faking it.
He's like, "Breach! Breach!"
but, like, it's air.
-The air's fine.
-[Cooper] It's oxygen.
[Rook] We need to get him
in the base!
[Cap groaning loudly]
[Rook] Stay with me,
you son of a bitch.
You know what?
Why don't you go on ahead
and, uh, tell Elon Musk
that I'm gonna rescind
the job offer.
I represent the National
Aeronautics and Space Agency.
And I'm gonna follow
my father's footsteps
and continue the mission
for science.
I know that NASA isn't
the fanciest agency,
but, you know, it's got
some integrity to it.
It's my father's NASA.
That's our NASA.
And, uh, Billy,
you should grow the beard back.
That's what made you special.
All right, guys, wait up.
[Cap crying out]
[Rook] I got to stop
the air from getting out!
We should leave this, right?
[Alix] I mean, it's a piece
of shit anyways.
ambient music
You know, Cap, uh,
I think that guy
got the jump on you.
Wish we had
an instant replay camera.
[Cap] [scoffs]
Don't you get it?
We did win.
I'm proud of you guys.
You showed up today.
You made this place look like
a dazzling wonder.
And those kids
those kids are sweet.
They're dreamers, right?
They think they're
going to Mars.
Really? Really?
That program's prepared
to go to Mars in their lifetime?
I don't think so. Uh-uh.
Maybe in their grandchildren's
lifetime they're going to Mars,
but those people are not
going to Mars.
We're going to the Moon.
-Yeah, we are!
We are going to the Moon.
-You get it?
-You get it?
-And when I get up there
-Yeah, Cap.
I'm gonna look down at them,
and I'm gonna
flip them the bird.
-Hell yeah!
-I'm gonna flip them the bird
so bad,
their heads will spin!
-Heck yeah!
-'Cause we're Moon men!
-We're going there!
Three cheers for Robert Caputo!
-Hip, hip, hooray!
-[Skip] Hooray!
-Hip, hip, hooray!
Hip, hip, hooray!
-Hooray! Hooray!
Take your boots off before
you go up on the table though.
[Rook] Well, can he just
have his moment here?
-Give me a hand down.
-[Skip] You can go back up,
-just take your boots off.
electronic vocalizing
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