Moonbase 8 (2020) s01e06 Episode Script


Good morning, gentlemen.
We are officially beginning
launch sequence for Condor 4
rocket simulator.
How's the weather
out there, Cap?
We are good-- weather is
excellent for launch.
[chuckles] Good thing you
didn't pack your umbrella.
Copy that.
Chris, you want to chime in
on any of this?
It would be great
to have your feedback here.
Confirming it's a beautiful day.
Cap, how's the visuals
out there? Over.
I'll tell you what, we got
one gorgeous Condor 4 rocket
standing by
on the launchpad.
Permission to arm boosters.
And approved.
Rocket booster armed.
Launch sequence beginning
in T-minus nine,
-six, five--
-let's give the same thing--
-five, four
-Stand by. Let's synch up.
-[Skip] Abort. Abort.
-Stand by, Cap.
-We're not doing ten?
I'm gonna count down
"three, two, one,"
and then we go
"nine, eight,
-seven." I'm gonna count--
-Just press it.
No, we are not
gonna just press it.
On my command,
-and then we begin the "ni--"
-V, V, Victor, V, V, zero.
[Cap] Victor-Victor-Victor-
Preflight launch codes
Okay, beginning
from "three, two, one."
-No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
And she's up!
-Oh, oh, ooh
-No, no!
We've lost Condor 4!
It's right here.
-Christopher hit his knee.
-No, I'm fine.
We're gonna have
you looked at.
I'm fine. Seriously.
upbeat music
Look-look here. See that?
Looks like someone forgot
to adjust the left stabilizer.
[groans] So, it looks
like somebody forgot
to adjust the left stabilizer.
-Well, live and learn.
-Exactly. Live and learn.
-That's what Christopher
-is always talking about. Yeah.
-I was just about to say that.
All right, so let's do
an action team.
-Let's figure out what happened.
-Oh, I, um, I got to get going.
They're picking me up in,
like, an hour.
Oh. It's that late? Yeah.
You're shipping out,
-aren't you?
-I know.
-It was great to meet you guys.
-Oh, good to meet you.
Yeah. I would've missed looking
you in the eye, that's for sure.
-Come here.
Oh, all right. Short but sweet,
short but sweet.
-All right.
-Chris. Up here, bud.
-All right.
That guy was just
here for a week.
-We've been up here 535 days.
No, no.
I've been keeping count.
It's 643, including today.
No, no. Definitely over 600,
but we're not that high.
-It's not over 600.
-But we started in June,
and we're in August now.
You're counting two Augusts.
-30 days hath September,
-always remember
-[Rook] It doesn't matter.
The point is, we've been here
way too long.
I mean, look
at all the other people
that have come through here--
Alisha-- how long was she here?
Three days?
Christopher went up.
Andy went up.
The guy from Germany,
uh Ralph?
-What was it, Rowlf? Ralph?
I thought he was n
not a good pick.
I thought he was great.
I mean, everyone's talking
about going to the next level.
When are we gonna go
to the next level?
-Maybe we're never going up.
take a big fat chill pill,
with this kind
of attitude.
Of course
we're going up to the Moon.
Well, I don't think it would be
out of bounds to write to NASA
and request some clarity.
So, you want to poke the bear?
I don't want to poke the bear.
I just want to sort of send
a little reminder--
Ah, you write
an unsolicited letter to NASA,
you're poking the bear, and
if you're gonna poke the bear,
you better be ready to really
get that bear's attention.
Got to jab that bear.
-Dear NASA
-"Dear NASA"?
What is this,
a love letter?
Hit 'em. "To whom it may
concern," exclamation point.
[Rook] You don't need
an explanation point there.
You just you either put
a colon or a comma.
-What are you up to?
That's too soft.
Be direct,
at least.
Uh, okay.
We are
demanding-- and in parenthesis--
-Why do you?
-An update on our status.
-There you go.
-On our status.
-[hooves rumbling]
-Is that, uh You see that
-Looks like
-horses out there.
[hooves rumbling,
automatic gunfire]
Oh, yeah, we got
armed riders out there.
Uh, clean that up
and send it, will you?
-Come on out.
What is it, Halloween?
That's your costume?
You're trick-or-treating
or what?
-Hey, boys.
-What are you doing?
-Easy, Kyle.
-Cool down, boy.
-[laughs] Sorry, boss.
Afternoon, gentlemen.
-We help you?
You're on our land, mister.
-I need you to clear out.
-[Cap] You guys are actually
on federal land right now.
This is a very valuable
NASA research project.
I don't think so,
Moon man.
Here's a map. Read it.
We're gonna have
a cattle run through here
in a couple of days,
and I'm gonna tell you
what's gonna happen.
250,000 head of cattle
gonna come up that road
right there, and they
gonna be whooped up,
and they gonna
start a stampede.
So I suggest
you clear the hell out.
Excuse me, sir.
We've worked very hard,
just recently
-moving the base--
-Well, if you'd left
your dumb base where it was,
we'd have no problem.
-But you're in our way now.
-[Kyle] Yeah!
-We're not armed.
-[Rook] Stop shooting!
-Why is he firing a gun?
-[Cap] Are you hit?
-I'm not hit, no.
-He's firing into the air.
-Am I hit?
No, you're clean.
[T-Boy] If anything
happens to this herd,
you break it,
you bought it.
If you ain't got any cash
to pay for it
we'll figure out
some other method of payment.
What's that supposed to mean?
-This is scientific.
-It was a threat.
Hyah! Clear out, boys!
See you, boys! Hyah!
-[Cap] What do we got?
-These coordinates. Let's see.
Yeah, we moved the base
right onto their land
and the cattle pass.
Shit! [sighs]
I mean, should we tell NASA
about the ranchers?
No! We just sent them a nasty
letter about a status update!
Now we're gonna tell them
we have cow troubles?
They're never gonna let us
go to the Moon.
Well, can we rewrite the letter?
No, we sent it!
Well, maybe we
should move the base.
I mean, we should just go back
to our original location, no?
-No, no, no, we're not moving!
-No way.
That move almost killed me!
And the stupid cattle drive's
in 48 hours!
I think we should just
abandon the base
and just get out of here.
-[exasperated grunt]
-[Rook] You guys,
we are sitting ducks here,
do you understand that?
If we hurt one of their cows
with our equipment out there,
they're gonna come to you with
that M16. [imitates gunfire]
[imitates gunfire]
No, no, no, no!
Calm down!
We got to Just give me
a second to think!
suspenseful music,
growing louder
[insects trilling]
Cap? You okay, man?
Hey, Rook.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Have a seat.
You're not wearing
your helmet.
Yeah, I know.
You can take yours off
if you want.
You sure?
Eh, doesn't matter.
Come up with
any good ideas, Cap?
I'm just sitting here looking up
at what might have been.
I moved us.
That's on me.
Tomorrow, we'll call it in
and pack it up.
Then it's back
to Honolulu for me
and a world of debt.
Back to passing out
airsick bags
to tourists on a chopper.
Well, it's been a pleasure
to get to know you.
We'll keep in touch.
Nah, we won't.
I'm a lone wolf, Rook.
One heck of a ride.
You a crescent man
or a full moon freak?
I guess I'll take her
any way she comes.
-Try to stay away from
the full moon, though, right,
with all the curses and evil?
Yeah, that's, uh
that's make-believe, Rook.
Maybe. We'll see.
Man, I always said
the first place I'd go
when I got up there
was Cribbit's Peak.
-And then Armstrong's Ridge.
But you can't always get
what you want.
-Just like the Beatles said.
Can't always get
what you want, but all
what you need is
all you need is love
or something like that.
I don't know
how the rest of it goes.
somber music
-What's with him?
-Cap's calling it.
We're heading out.
Tomorrow, we pack up
and go home.
Oh, man.
I'm glad my father
isn't alive to see this.
Oh, Skip, you know he's looking
down on us, knowing that we made
the right decision,
even though it was a tough one.
Oh, well. I guess
I'll just go back to JPL,
back to tracking satellites.
Bet you they'll put me
on the graveyard shift,
which I don't mind.
Give me a chance to work
on that screenplay.
-Mm-hmm. About this experience.
Oh, really?
Is this gonna become a movie?
-Hey, make sure my character
doesn't swear, all right?
I was thinking of combining
you and Cap's parts together.
-That's one character.
Well, if you end up
casting somebody for me,
maybe we could think of somebody
a little better-looking than me.
-Brad Pitt or something.
-Dax Shepard.
-We'll see.
-Hey, that's up to someone else.
You know? I just want to write
a screenplay, get it done,
-get it out there.
-Well, you know, uh,
the move is you write the memoir
first, and then you get somebody
to translate that
into a screenplay.
Seems like that's just
an extra step.
Why don't I just write
a screenplay?
Well, you're the expert.
I'll let you make
those decisions.
Either way,
I'll be praying for you, Skip.
I'm gonna hit the sack.
-I'll see you tomorrow.
-See you tomorrow.
Uh, it's too bad
your brains
couldn't get us
out of this mess.
Would've made a good ending
for your movie.
somber music
[bull bellowing]
Hey, Skip.
What's up?
Hey. Have a seat.
We're not gonna give up.
Look, Skip,
we're out of options.
It's over.
I've got another idea.
I have a question for you.
Just off the top of your head.
-You know bulls, right?
They're mean animals.
But like anything, they're
afraid of something, right?
-Don't you think?
What might they be afraid of?
A bull?
Oh. Well, butchers.
Butchers, yes. Why?
-Because they cut them up
-They don't want Yeah.
and they kill them and stuff.
Like, they don't want
people killing them. Cap.
Children who are noisy.
Noisy children?
Noisy children, sure.
Well, let's just say "noises."
-Leather manufacturers.
All right, so do you think
How would a bull recognize,
uh, a leather plant
or a leather factory?
You remember the cartoon where
you have the tailor come out
to the-the farm with and-and
put out the measuring tape?
I never in my life
have seen a cartoon
where they were measuring
for a leather jacket.
What-what cartoon was that?
I don't know.
Uh, it was in the comics.
I'm not gonna write down
"a leather manufacturer." Yes.
Uh, shoe manufacturers?
-Shoes-shoes are leather, so
-Right. But, Cap,
now you're kind of
just going with Rook, right?
You're just adding to his idea.
Cap. You can put
your arm down.
Um, red. The color red.
Red. Why? You're thinking
of a matador, right?
-In Spain?
Here's a little fact.
Bulls don't see
the color red.
It's not the color.
It's the movement of the cape.
hypnotic music
We've got this herd
of cattle, right?
What we want to do
is what a matador does.
Do we have anything
that creates noise and movement?
A big noise?
Our Condor model rockets.
-[Cap] Hmm.
-Explosions. Noise.
-Creating a diver
-We are creating a diversion.
If we explode one
right here,
they go around.
Then what?
Launch number two right here.
It scares them, they keep going
down around the base.
How are we gonna know
the herd is coming our way?
It has to be timed perfectly
if it's gonna work.
The drone.
Cap, you think you can fly it?
If it's got a propeller,
I can get her airborne.
I'm not saying
it's gonna be pretty,
but I can get her up there.
[Rook] Drone provides
a bird's-eye view.
-[Skip] Right.
We are not damaged,
and the cattle are safe.
I think this is gonna work.
Let's get those rockets set up.
upbeat music
Hey, Cap, you get
the hang of that drone?
Well, she's no Twin Huey,
but she'll do.
Okay. We're all set.
Now what?
-[Cap grunts]
-Now we wait.
Here you go.
-[Skip] Cheers.
-Got to be honest,
I'm feeling a little nervous.
[Cap] You know what we do in
the military when we're nervous?
We listen to psych-up music.
And I think that's
something we should start
thinking about
right now.
[Rook] You mean, like,
a little soundtrack
-for the big mission tomorrow.
What kind of music are we gonna
want to be listening to
during the mission
that's gonna give us the courage
and the blind fury
to get this done?
We should do something
kind of orchestral, you know?
Like a film score,
like a Wagner or Beethoven.
[Cap] The best thing
for me is urgent,
driving music.
-You know?
-Like what? Wh-What's--
[mimicking heavy drumbeat]
You know, you'd be surprised
how kind of heavy
some of the Christian rock gets.
What about, like, just
some squanky free jazz?
You know? Just
[high-pitched scatting]
That music makes me
feel uncomfortable. The--
What about Spanish rock?
-You know?
-Spanish rock?
[mimicking upbeat guitar riff]
[singing in Spanish]
Well, as long as
it doesn't distract
-from the mission, right?
Yeah. And the mission is,
get those cows
away from our base.
somber, suspenseful music
[insects chirping]
[wind whistling]
[clears throat]
[low rumble]
[rumbling continues]
The cows! The cows!
They're coming!
-What's he saying?
He said something
about the cows.
Oh, they're too early.
No, they're not early.
They're here!
They can't be here already.
-Are you kidding?
-Get your comms on, guys.
Let's go.
It's go time.
Whoever promised you
a rose garden was lying.
All right, starting
music playlist now.
-[heavy music playing]
-Turn it up, please.
-Turning up.
-[volume increases]
All right, let's get
that drone up.
Yep, on it.
And we are up, uh
Where are my cows?
Where are my cow?
There you are.
All right, I've got visual
confirmation of the herd
500 meters out.
Stand by.
Can we skip
this track? Confirm.
Can we skip this track?
I like the bass, but
-No, skip it. Skip it. Skip it.
-Okay. Skipping.
[upbeat, Spanish-language
music plays]
Look at them charging.
Holy cow.
No pun intended.
[Rook] Can I get a tally?
I would like to officially
skip this song.
It's driving me nuts.
If you're not inspired
by the song, skip it.
-Advancing track.
-[horns play chaotic riff]
No. That sucks.
[Wagner's "Ride of
the Valkyries" plays]
Stay frosty, boys.
300 meters and closing.
-Arm those rockets.
-Arming rockets.
They're coming in hot, guys.
Here we go.
[Cap] Five meters out.
Take the shot!
-Not yet!
-I'm telling you,
we're within five meters!
Now! Launch!
-Rocket One, fire away!
Visual confirmation.
Rocket One away.
-[Rook whoops]
-[Cap] Yeah, they are reacting.
Oh, they did not like that.
Turning to the right.
Fire Rocket Two.
Rocket Two, fire away.
Rocket Two away!
They are continuing
their turn.
-Yes! [claps]
-You see that curve?
Don't celebrate just yet.
-Advancing track.
-[pop rock plays]
Do we like this track?
I need a quick vote.
I like I like the beat.
It's a great melody. Hold on.
She's My Disney princess
What is this song?
I don't know it.
I don't I didn't put this on.
You put this on.
Yeah, not my favorite.
You got any rockabilly?
-I'm hitting "shuffle"!
-[classical music plays]
All right, couple more.
Uh, fire rocket again.
Rocket Three, fire!
No. No Rocket Three.
-Resetting trigger!
-Rook, please fire.
-I'm firing!
I'm hitting the fire!
-Rook, fire it!
-I'm firing!
-It's not working!
-They're turning back!
-Check the Come on!
-Let's go!
lively, suspenseful music
Fire? Fire!
-Yeah, Three's away.
-Is it holding?
-It's working, it's working.
-They're diverting.
-Come on!
-They're diverting.
-One more to go. Whoa.
Oh, wow, they are
right outside the base.
-Whoa, we are in the eye.
-Oh-oh, my goodness.
-We are in the eye!
-I know that.
-We're in it!
It's like an earthquake.
Do not change
your mind, cows.
-All right, guys!
-Keep going!
All right,
we need that last rocket.
We need that tap on the ass.
Last rocket standing by.
Give me the order, Skip.
[rumbling, mooing]
No, whenever you want.
Firing at will!
[beep, whoosh]
-And there's a tap on the ass!
[mooing, rumbling continue]
-Cap, visuals.
-We're good.
-We're good. They're gone!
They're gone!
-[Skip] We're fine?
-We're clear!
-Skip! Cap, you saved the base!
-We did it!
Skip, you beautiful bastard!
[loud clattering]
What the heck was that?
-Oh, man.
-Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
-He broke the whole wall.
-[Rook] Shoot!
-Is that one of their cows?
-Yes, it's one of their cows.
It's not one of our cows.
-You got to get out of here.
-Got to get out of here. Shoo!
-Come on, girl.
-They come back and find
that we've been harboring
a cow, we're in deep trouble.
-Will you please leave?
Tsh, tsh!
-Ooh, git, ooh.
Tsh, tsh!
Tsh, tsh, tsh, tsh, tsh.
[Cap] Should I just try
to push her out?
You can try.
Are those ranchers
That's about two tons
you're trying
to move there, Cap.
-Let me double up on you.
-She's just a heavy cow.
-Yeah, yeah.
Can't get her.
Can't get her to turn.
-Look at this. It's a mess.
-[Rook] Listen, I don't see
any cowboys right now,
so for now we're safe.
We have a cow now.
I guess. Yeah.
Let's fix up that wall.
Yeah, we got to repair
all of that.
atmospheric music
[birds chirping]
Any sign of those ranchers?
[grunts, exhales]
Is that cow still
in the greenhouse?
Yeah. You should hear what
Rook wants to do with it, too.
-Where's Cap?
Cap? Hey! Cap.
I know what to do with that cow.
Okay, calm down.
I'm right here.
That out there is a milk cow,
a real heifer.
-It's got an udder full of milk.
How can you tell?
She's got the-the little
nipples, the little teats.
You just got to
squeeze on the nips,
and you get some
fresh, hot milk.
-I think this is a blessing.
I think the Lord sent that cow.
Wait a second.
You're saying
we keep this cow?
-Yes, and milk her. For milk.
-[Skip] It seems crazy.
I mean, if those cowboys come
back, they're going to kill us.
I don't know.
Finders keepers.
That's the law of the land.
Yeah, and she's
in the greenhouse.
You can't even see her
from the road.
And once she's done
giving us milk,
we use her for meat.
Get some nice,
juicy steaks
-out of that cow.
-I don't know about that.
You think you can get some milk
out of those teats?
-I can try.
-Go on.
I'm gonna go squirt her.
Do we have any A.1.?
Can't have steak
without A.1.
I'm trying to work out.
- gentle piano music
-[Cap] Wow!
-Hey, guys.
-Look at that!
-Look at you!
-[Rook chuckles]
-Farmer Rook!
Look at this old girl.
Your friends
just left you here, huh?
Forgot all about you,
just like NASA forgot about us.
Well, I'm getting a full gallon
out of her today, guys.
-[Cap] Yeah?
-Yeah, I'm thinking
about calling her Queenie.
What do you think of that?
-Queenie. Nice.
-I like it.
Just don't get too attached,
'cause once she dries up,
we're getting
some good meat out of her.
-I wouldn't get too attached
to that idea, Cap.
She's a milk cow, and
I think she's gonna be giving us
milk for years to come.
gentle orchestral music
I got to say, Rook,
that is definitely better
than the powdered stuff.
[chuckles] Just nothing
quite like the real thing.
And next week,
steak and eggs!
Well, I don't know
about that.
-[automatic gunfire]
-[Rook yells]
[gunfire stops]
[horse whinnies]
Oh. There they are.
Come on.
It looks like you boys
survived the stampede.
-Yeah, we just got lucky.
-I guess so.
Only trouble, though, is
we seem to be missing
one of our cows.
We did our inventory,
and, uh,
seems we came up
one short.
Do they sometimes eat their own?
'Cause the herd
could have consumed one.
Well, let me pull out
my computer tablet
and see where CC-3897-B is.
-Let me see that.
-[T-Boy chuckles]
-[T-Boy] Our cows are chipped.
[computer beeping]
-Look at that red beeping light.
-[Cap] Oh.
It looks like
we're standing on it.
Well, maybe the chip fell out.
Why don't we, uh, spread out
-and see if we can find it.
-[Skip] Might have you
put the chip on the horse
by mistake,
-'cause it's an animal?
-[T-Boy whistling]
Why are you whistling?
[crashing nearby]
I don't
Why is he whistling, Cap?
Well, well.
-There she is right there.
-[Rook] Oh, shoot.
-There she is. You got her.
-[T-Boy] You boys
don't have no chip, do you?
-[Rook] No, sir.
-[Skip] No.
I mean, if you got lost,
wouldn't nobody be able
to find you.
Um, could we have
just one second? Uh
-J.T., shoot 'em.
-[Cap] No, no, no!
-No, no, no, no!
-Please, please, please, please!
-Please don't-don't shoot!
-I don't want to die!
-I don't want to die!
It was his idea
to move the base!
It was your idea
to take the damn cow!
-No, it wasn't!
-Don't you even!
-Don't you even!
All right, all right,
I'm not gonna shoot you.
But get your playpen
off of our land.
You got one week.
Yes, sir. Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, you heard the man!
Get this playpen out of here.
Let's get to work!
lively music
All right, that's the last
of the light fixtures.
Yeah, putting everything back
to its original spot.
Guys, we just got
a supply pod from NASA
marked "high priority."
Ooh, that could be
what we're waiting for, Cap.
[computer beeps]
[project manager]
Attention, Moonbase 8.
We received your inquiry, and
it's clear you have concerns.
See? I told you,
you poke the bear,
the bear pays attention.
While we can't provide
a timetable
for your arrival on the Moon,
we are proud to announce
you have been awarded NASA's
highest uniform classification:
-Stratus Class Red.
Please find enclosed
in the latest delivery.
-Hey! Wow!
-Look at these!
-That's you right there.
-That's you.
-There's my name!
-[Cap] Wow.
-Geez, these are great.
-Guys, we're Stratus Class.
This is real satin.
Is it reversible?
I think it's not.
Look at this zipper.
I can just see myself
strutting through Waikiki.
This and a pair of shorts?
Feel like I want to do a little
doo-wop dance
or something with it.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Whoa, oh, oh
For the longest
If you said goodbye
To me tonight
Ooh, ooh, ooh
There would still be
Music left to write
Ah, ah, ah
What else could I do
[radio static, beeping]
Inspired by you
That hasn't happened
For the longest time
-[music stops]
[wind whistling over speaker]
atmospheric music
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