Moonlighting s03e09 Episode Script

The Straight Poop

OK, I'M ROLLING.
SPEED.
CAMERA'S READY.
AND, RONA, YOU ARE LIVE! NO NEW EPISODE AGAIN, AND AMERICA WANTS TO KNOW WHY.
SO, I'VE COME HERE TO THE HOME OF THE BLUE MOON DETECTIVE AGENCY TO SPEAK WITH THE PLAYERS THEMSELVES- MADDIE HAYES, DAVID ADDISON, THEIR FRIENDS, THEIR COLLEAGUES, THEIR LOVERS.
WHO ARE THESE TWO PEOPLE? WHAT MAKES THEM TICK? AND WHAT WENT WRONG? WHAT ABOUT THE RUMORS? IS THERE FRICTION? OR ARE TIME MAGAZINE, USA TODAY, THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER, AND STAR JUST MISINFORMED? THIS IS THE FAMOUS BLUE MOON CORRIDOR.
THIS IS THE ELEVATOR FROM WHICH MADDIE HAYES USED TO EMERGE EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT TO DISCOVER DAVID ADDISON LIMBOING OR RUNNING SANTA'S HOT LINE OR OGLING WOMEN IN A SKYSCRAPER ACROSS THE WAY.
BUT THE ELEVATOR IS EMPTY TONIGHT, AND DAVID ISN'T LIMBOING, OGLING, OR DOING ANYTHING ELSE.
THIS IS THE FAMOUS BLUE MOON DOOR, FOREVER OPENING AND CLOSING, BEING SLAMMED BY MADDIE HAYES AND DAVID ADDISON IN FITS OF RAGE AND SPURTS OF PASSION.
TONIGHT, IT SITS SILENT, STILL WAITING TO GET BANGED.
IS THAT RIGHT? WAITING TO GET BANGED? GO, GO, GO, GO, GO! MISS DIPESTO, I'M RONA BARRETT.
I'M HERE TO SEE MADDIE AND DAVID.
THEY'RE NOT IN.
WHAT AM I DOING? I CAN'T LIE TO RONA BARRETT.
THEY'RE IN, BUT THEY WON'T SEE ANYBODY.
THEY WON'T TALK TO ANYBODY.
THEY WON'T EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER! I'M GOING TO GET THEM.
EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN.
EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
DAVID ADDISON.
DAVID.
ARE YOU IN THERE? GO AWAY! DAVID, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
SCRAM! I AIN'T TALKING TO ANYBODY! DAVID, THIS IS RONA BARRETT.
HI, RONA.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU.
DAVID, IT'S 9:00, YOU AND MADDIE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING AND ROMANCING, COURTING AND SPARKING.
YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING US LAUGH, MAKING US CRY.
I KNOW.
SO, WHAT'S THE STORY? HAVE YOU TALKED TO HER YET? NO.
I CAME TO SEE YOU FIRST.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO HER, RONA.
I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO HER.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
WELL, I WILL TALK TO HER.
BAD LADIES, SISTERS, EXCUSE ME.
MADDIE.
MADDIE HAYES.
IT'S RONA BARRETT.
CAN WE COME IN AND SPEAK WITH YOU? WHAT? RONA- RONA BARRETT? MADDIE, CAN WE COME IN? JUST A SECOND.
HI, RONA.
MADDIE.
YOU BROUGHT A CAMERA CREW WITH YOU.
JUST A SECOND.
HI, RONA! CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT * SOME WALK BY NIGHT * * SOME FLY BY DAY * * SOMETHING IS SWEETER * * 'CAUSE WE MET ON THE WAY * * 'CAUSE WE MET ON THE WAY * THIS IS MOONLIGHTING EPISODE, THE STRAIGHT POP- SORRY, STRAIGHT POOP.
WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE TEST.
TEST 1, 2, 3, 4.
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.
GIVE ME A 10, IF YOU GOT ONE UP THERE.
NO 10? ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME AN 8.
OK, 7, 6, WE'RE DOING FINE.
MADDIE, LET'S BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING.
HERE YOU ARE, THE OWNER OF A VERY SUCCESSFUL DETECTIVE AGENCY.
AND THEN, HERE'S THIS GUY- HE'S A LITTLE CRUDE, HE'S A LITTLE BRASH.
HOW DID YOU TWO MEET? I MEAN, WHEN DID IT FIRST BEGIN? WELL, LET'S SAY IT WASN'T THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
HELLO.
HELLO.
WOW.
MY GOODNESS, MISS DIPESTO.
WE'RE LOOKING A LITTLE PALE TODAY, AREN'T WE? AND WHO HAVE WE HERE? I DON'T KNOW.
NOW, NOW, NO REASON TO BE SHY.
LET'S SEE A LITTLE CONFIDENCE, A LITTLE CHARISMA, A LITTLE DALE CARNEGIE.
REMEMBER LESSON ONE.
IMAGINE YOUR ENTIRE AUDIENCE IS COMPLETELY NAKED.
BOGGLES THE MIND, DOESN'T IT? AMSCRAY, WILL YOU? TERRIBLE THING, SHYNESS.
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
WE'RE GONNA GET HER THE BEST HELP THERE IS.
BETTER THAN THE BEST! SHE'S COME A LONG WAY ALREADY.
WHY, WHEN I FIRST FOUND HER, SHE WAS NOTHING BUT A POOR LITTLE URCHIN, OUT IN THE STREET, URCHINING.
BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.
OKSO MY NAME IS DAVID ADDISON, AND YOUR NAME IS MADDIE HAYES.
MADDIE HAYES.
AND- DON'T I KNOW YOU? NO, I DON'T THINK WE'VE MET.
NO, WAIT A SECOND.
CAN'T FOOL ME.
THE EYES DON'T LIE.
NOT THESE BABIES- PHOTOGRAPHIC.
SEE SOMETHING ONCE, IT'S LOCKED IN THERE FOREVER.
REALLY? I DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING LOCKED IN THERE.
NO, NO CHANGING THE SUBJECT.
YOU'RE LOOKING AT A BLOODHOUND.
ONCE I'M ON TO SOMETHING, I'LL GET IT.
I'LL GET IT.
ALL RIGHT, YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN MY PICTURE SOMEWHERE.
I KNEW IT.
NO FLIES ON YOU.
NOPE.
THERE CERTAINLY AREN'T, WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
WHAT ARE WE TALKING, LATE SEVENTIES? THE YEARS ARE A LITTLE FUZZY FOR ME, BUT I WILL BET THE HOUSE THAT YOU WERE A MISS MARCH.
A MISS WHAT? MISS MARCH.
A PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH? WHAT, ABOUT 1976? I CAN SEE THE WHOLE LAYOUT IN MY HEAD.
YOU LIKE JAZZ.
YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE WAS JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL.
YOU WANTED TO HELP UNDER-PRIVILEGED KIDS.
AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? I MEAN, I CAN SEE THE WHOLE LAYOUT IN MY HEAD.
AND IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING SO, YOU ARE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL NOW, HERE, IN MY OFFICE, COMPLETELY DRESSED, ALMOST A DECADE LATER.
WOW.
OK, SO NOW YOU'RE IN BUSINESS TOGETHER.
WHEN DID YOU KNOW? I'M SORRY.
WHEN DID I KNOW WHAT? I MEAN, WHEN DID YOU KNOW THAT MAYBE IT WASN'T A GOOD FIT, THAT MAYBE YOU WERE TWO PEOPLE WHO FUNCTIONED BETTER APART THAN TOGETHER? I KNEW INSTANTLY.
ADDISON, WE DON'T BELONG IN BUSINESS TOGETHER.
WE DON'T THINK ALIKE.
WE DON'T AGREE ON ANYTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WE AGREE ON A LOT OF THINGS.
YOU LIKE MEATBALLS ON YOUR SPAGHETTI, RIGHT? ME, TOO.
HOW ABOUT BOOKS? LET'S TALK ABOUT BOOKS.
ME? I READ LEFT TO RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT YOU? IS THAT AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE, OR WHAT? ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO GET DEEP? LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX.
WHO'D HAVE GUESSED? I LIKE SEX, TOO.
SO IF YOU KNEW RIGHT AWAY, MADDIE I MEAN, HERE WE ARE, AND THE TWO OF YOU CAN'T WORK TOGETHER.
YOU WON'T WORK TOGETHER, CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT? I'M OPTIMISTIC.
ADDISON! I HATE THIS! I HATE NOT KNOWING WHERE THE NEXT CLIENT IS COMING FROM AND IF THE NEXT PHONE CALL'S GONNA BE SOMEBODY ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I HAVEN'T PAID A BILL.
I HATE HAVING TO BALANCE MY CHECKBOOK EVERY WEEK AND GET IT RIGHT.
I HATE HAVING TO STOP AND THINK EVERY TIME I USE MY CREDIT CARD! I HATE SHOPPING FOR THE BEST BARGAINS! I HATE SEEING SOMETHING I LIKE IN A STORE WINDOW AND HAVING TO THINK "SOMEDAY"! I HATE THAT! AND I HATE THIS! CAN YOU JUST TELL ME, WHAT IS IT ABOUT HIM THAT UPSETS YOU SO MUCH? HE EMBARRASSES ME.
HE DELIGHTS IN EMBARRASSING ME.
WOW.
IT'S A WHOLE NEW YOU! I KNOW HOW IT IS.
TIRED OF THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
HAD ENOUGH GLAMOUR FOR ONE LIFETIME.
BETTER TO TAKE A FASHION RISK.
I GOT TO ADMIT, THOUGH, THE PART ABOUT JUMPING IN THE SEPTIC TANK'S GOT ME STUMPED.
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU! NOW, DON'T LOOK BACK UNTIL YOU SEE ME.
JUST KNOW THAT I'M RIGHT IN BACK OF YOU, YES, I AM LOOKING UP YOUR DRESS.
WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU, TOO? SHE MADE ME DO IT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT.
I DIDN'T FEEL WE WERE READY.
WE'RE MOVING! DO WE HAVE TO? ALL MY FRIENDS GO TO THIS SCHOOL! THIS TRAIN IS MOVING! LAND O'GOSHIN, SHE'S RIGHT! ADDISON, YOU BETTER FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET ME OFF THIS TRAIN! OOH, LADY, I WILL GLADLY GET YOU OFF THE TRAIN, I WILL THROW YOU OFF THIS TRAIN, IF NECESSARY.
BUT, KINDLY REFRAIN FROM ANY PHYSICAL ACT THAT IS NOT OF AN EROTIC NATURE.
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.
HA! HA HA HA! I WAS NOT BORN YESTERDAY! IT'S TRUE.
I HAD LUNCH WITH HER YESTERDAY.
IF SHE'D BEEN BORN, I'D HAVE NOTICED.
WHOA! SO IT'S DIFFICULT.
DIFFICULT IS PUTTING IT MILDLY.
IT'S NOT JUST WHAT HE DOES IN PUBLIC, IT'S WHAT HE DOES IN THE OFFICE.
MY OFFICE.
HE HAS NO SENSE OF PROFESSIONALISM.
NO SENSE OF DECORUM.
AAH! OH, MY GOD.
THEY DROPPED THE BOMB.
HE WANTS TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME.
I'VE BEEN CALLING EVERY HOTEL IN THIS- WHO WANTS YOU TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM? PAULIE RYE.
WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU GET THOSE GLASSES? OH, THESE? X- RAY SPECS.
PRETTY COOL, HUH? YOU MUST BE WEARING A LEAD DRESS.
I CAN'T SEE A THING.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! YOU SAYING YOU ALREADY MADE YOUR MIND UP? YOU LIKE THEM? I WAS THINKING OF GETTING A PAIR WITH POCKETS.
MARK MY WORDS.
MATURITY IS ITS OWN REWARD.
COUPLE OF DAYS OF ACTING LIKE AN ADULT, YOU'LL WONDER WHY YOU DIDN'T DO IT SOONER.
I ALREADY AM.
HOW LOW CAN HE GO? GOOD EXTENSION.
IMPRESSIVE LEG CONTROL.
THE MUSCLES CONTRACT, THE TENSION BUILDS.
THE SMELL OF AN ARMPIT.
THE ROAR OF A CROWD.
IS THIS A GREAT MOMENT IN SPORTS, OR WHAT? HIYA, BOSS! BACK FROM THE DENTIST SO SOON? HAVE YOU TALKED ABOUT IT? HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT IT? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BUSINESS.
YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME.
YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING! OK, ALL RIGHT! CHILL FOR A SECOND, WILL YOU? INAGADDAVIDA, YOU ARE SO SERIOUS.
YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE- I DON'T WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE.
I WANT YOU TO CHANGE.
CHANGE? YES, CHANGE.
DON'T YOU SEE? YOU ENCOURAGE THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE.
YOU SET AN EXAMPLE.
SO, YOU'VE REALLY GIVEN THIS YOUR BEST SHOT? ABSOLUTELY! POSITIVELY! I MEAN, THERE'S A PROBLEM HERE BUT IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
I MEAN, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE HE DOESN'T GET ALONG WITH.
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! BEG TO DIFFER WITH YOU, BRO.
RICHARD, WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING? OH! RICHARD, DAVID! GIVE! YOU GIVE! RICHARD, DAVID- AAH! OH, NO.
MY- GRR! STOP IT! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT! MADDIE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT? I DON'T KNOW.
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT ALL THIS, ABOUT US LETTING EVERYONE DOWN.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I WAS BORN IN THE WRONG TIME.
I GREW UP IN A LITTLE TOWN, PALUKAVILLE.
YOU HEARD OF IT? NO.
YOU'RE LUCKY.
I DON'T WANT YOU REHEARSING WITH MY HUSBAND AND ME.
HELLO TO YOU, TOO.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? I DON'T WANT YOU REHEARSING WITH US.
SURE, I HEARD YOU.
I JUST DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
I DON'T CARE IF YOU BELIEVE ME OR NOT.
I'M TELLING THE TRUTH.
THE TRUTH? THE TRUTH IS, YOU WANT ME THERE, AND NOT TO REHEARSE.
YOU'RE A BARBARIAN, McCOY.
ABSOLUTELY, MRS.
ADDAMS.
JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME.
HAVE YOU LOOKED IN A MIRROR LATELY? YOU'RE LOOKING SETTLED, MARRIED.
IS THAT THE WAY YOU'VE ALWAYS IMAGINED IT, MRS.
ADDAMS? LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT, MR.
McCOY.
I LOVE MY HUSBAND.
AN ADMIRABLE QUALITY IN A WIFE.
AND I DON'T LIKE YOU.
OH, YEAH? THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE TALKING TO ME? HERE I AM, MRS.
ADDAMS.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME? I DON'T.
OH, THEN YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO GO AWAY? I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.
I STILL DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.
CONFUSED, HUH? STILL DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.
* I TOLD YA I LOVE YA * * NOW GET OUT * * I TOLD YA I LOVE YA * * NOW GET OUT * * EVERYTHING'S ROSY * * EVERYTHING'S JAKE * * BUT JUST HOW MUCH * * CAN A GOOD GAL TAKE * * I TOLD YA I LOVE YA * * NOW GET OUT * * BABY * * PLEASE LEAVE ME BE * * YOU WANT A PUPPET, AND THERE'S * * NO STRINGS ON ME * * GET HEP * * YOU CAN LEAVE ON THE 5:18 * * NOW DON'T GO 'WAY SAYIN' * * I'VE BEEN MEAN * * LIKE ANY GAL * * I CAN CHANGE MY WAYS * * ROUND-TRIP TICKET'S GOOD FOR 60 DAYS * * TOLD YA I LOVE YA * * NOW GET OUT * * MAN, GET LOST * * FOR NOW ** OH, YES, YES.
MADDIE HAYES.
HELL OF A WOMAN.
YOU REALIZE, WE ACTUALLY TALKED SERIOUSLY ABOUT GOING INTO BUSINESS TOGETHER AT ONE TIME.
BUT, UH-WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
I WENT IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.
ALL RIGHT, I'VE BEEN TIPPYTOEING AROUND THIS SITUATION.
YOU'VE BEEN TIPPYTOEING AROUND THIS SITUATION.
LET ME ASK YOU THE QUESTION.
SEX.
I'M SORRY? SEX.
I'M SORRY.
SEX? IS THAT THE QUESTION? YES.
SEX.
YOU AND DAVID.
I'LL BE HONEST, MADDIE- AND I THINK AMERICA ALSO BELIEVES THIS- THAT THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEM IS SEX.
SEX? SEX.
CERTAINLY IT'S CROSSED YOUR MIND.
I MEAN, THE TWO OF YOU MUST'VE CONSIDERED IT.
YOU MUST HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT.
PAUL McCANE IS A DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING.
HE'S DEAD.
GOOD.
HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED.
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
GIVEN THE IMMORAL WAY HE LIVED HIS LIFE, HIS VIOLENT DEATH COMES AS NO SURPRISE TO ME.
YOU'RE MAD BECAUSE HE BOINKED A COUPLE HAUSFRAUS? I'M NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.
WE'RE NOT TAKING THIS CASE.
YOU'RE WEIRD.
THIS IS VERY MEANINGFUL.
HUMPTY DUMPTY IS CALLING ME CRACKED! NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE REPRESSED OR OBSESSED OR ONE OF THOSE "ESS" WORDS.
EVERY TIME SOMETHING COMES UP THAT INVOLVES MEN OR SEX- BOINKING.
IS THAT THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR? SEE WHAT I MEAN? THAT'S NOT NORMAL.
I'M SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE AND DISCUSS MY MENTAL HEALTH WITH A MAN WHO REFERS TO THE ACT OF HUMAN PROCREATION AS BOINKING? SEE? SEE WHAT I MEAN? RIGHT AWAY YOU GET ALL STIFF AND TENSE.
NO, NO, NO.
NOT RIGHT AWAY! NOT WITH EVERYBODY.
NOT WITH ANYBODY.
JUST YOU.
YOU MAKE ME STIFF AND TENSE.
I MAKE YOU STIFF AND TENSE BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN YOUR LIFE.
HA! WHAT? ARE YOU DENYING IT? ARE YOU SAYING THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR LIFE? ARE YOU DENYING THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NOT IN BED ALONE EVERY NIGHT BY 9:30? THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.
PLENTY! NAME ONE.
I WILL NOT.
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE.
BECAUSE YOU'RE REPRESSED OR OBSESSED OR ONE OF THOSE "ESS" WORDS.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS CASE.
THIS GREAT CASE.
I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU.
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU CRAZY TO THINK THAT ANYBODY OUT THERE IS BOINKING WHEN YOU CAN'T.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU CRAZY THAT THE WHOLE WORLD IS OUT THERE BOINKING.
THE WHOLE WORLD EXCEPT YOU.
BOINK! SHUT UP! BOINK.
BOINK, BOINK, BOINK, BOINK, BOINK, BOINK.
BOINK, BOINK, BOINK, CAN'T YOU HEAR THEM OUT THERE? STOP IT, DAVID! BOINK, BOINK, BOINK GET OUT OF MY CAR! BOINK, BOINK, BOINK, BOINK, BOINK GET OUT OF MY CAR! WHOA! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK THAT UNDERNEATH IT ALL, YOU TWO KIDS ARE CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER.
COME HERE, STUPID.
IT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
I'LL BE JUST FINE.
IT'S NOT THAT.
WHAT, THEN? YOU SMELL AWFUL.
HEY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
COME HERE.
HEY, I WAS ONLY KIDDING.
COME HERE.
CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER? I DON'T KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU'RE CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER.
WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME? IF I COULD GET THE TWO OF YOU IN A ROOM TOGETHER, WOULD YOU AT LEAST TALK? DAVID AND I TOGETHER? I DON'T KNOW.
MADDIE FOR ME? FOR YOU, RONA? YEAH, I GUESS.
FOR YOU, RONA.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE MISS DIPESTO.
YOU'RE THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE.
TALK TO ME.
WHAT'S IT LIKE? WELL, RONA, IT'S HARD.
IT'S REALLY HARD.
I MEAN, THEY COME IN HERE, THEY SLAM THE DOORS THEY YELL AT EACH OTHER.
AAH! AAH! OW! "EASY COME, EASY GO.
" HA! I'M YOUR LIFELINE, HONEY.
WITHOUT ME- WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T BE HERE AT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PROVE A WOMAN WHO SEEMS TO HAVE KILLED A MAN, DIDN'T.
AND A MAN WHO- WHO SEEMS TO NOT HAVE, DID! YOU ARE JEALOUS.
OF WHAT, OF WHO? OF GILLIAN.
BOY, HAVE YOU GOT IT BACKWARDS.
THE ONLY PERSON AROUND HERE WHO HAS AN EMOTIONAL PROBLEM IS YOU, NOT ME.
AND THE EMOTION ISN'T JEALOUSY, IT'S LUST! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THAT IF I HADN'T KNOWN GILLIAN BEFORE, YOU WOULD AT LEAST CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT HER LIFE COULD BE IN DANGER.
LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME, IF IT HAD BEEN ANYONE ELSE YOU WOULD HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO TRY TO FIND A REASON TO STICK SO CLOSE? YOU ARE.
YOU'RE JEALOUS.
STOP REASONING WITH YOUR UNDERWEAR.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HELP ME TAKE THIS CASE? WHAT CASE? THERE IS NO CASE? SHE DIDN'T HIRE US TO GO BY HER HOTEL ROOM EVERY NIGHT.
SHE DIDN'T? NO, SHE DIDN'T.
YOU COULD'VE FOOLED ME.
A GNAT WITH A LOBOTOMY COULD FOOL YOU.
I DON'T GET IT.
KEEP THIS UP AND I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.
I MEAN, IF ANYONE, ANYWHERE, EVER HAD A REASON, NOT ONLY TO BELIEVE, BUT TO BE THANKFUL I MEAN, HE'S GIVEN YOU BEAUTY.
HE'S GIVEN YOU BRAINS.
HE'S GIVEN YOU ME! ADDISON, LET ME OUT OF THIS DOOR! AAH! SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TICK OFF THE BIG GUY? SOMETIMES THEY YELL AT THE SAME TIME.
I'M NOT SAYING THAT AT ALL! I'M AS LOOSEY-GOOSEY AS THE NEXT PERSON.
ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT SPONTANEITY HAS ITS TIME AND PLACE.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN IN A STORE AND SEEN SOMETHING I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF ALL THIS! TIPPLES WAS A FAKE ALL BETS ARE OFF? ALL DEALS ARE NULL AND VOID AND AS FOR OUR DEAL, THE ONLY WAY YOU GET ME TO GO THROUGH WITH IT, WHEN THERE'S PLENTY OF ROPE AND A BOTTLE OF CHLOROFORM! WHY AM I ASKING? HE'LL JUST TELL ME LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE DEPRESSED.
THIS IS NORMAL WHY AM I LIVING THIS LIFE? I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS.
AND THROUGH IT ALL, YOU HAVE TO STAY COOL, DON'T YOU? I'M KIND OF THE GLUE THAT HOLDS IT ALL TOGETHER.
TELL ME HAVE YOU EVER FOUGHT WITH EITHER ONE OF THEM? WELL, I FOUGHT WITH MR.
ADDISON ONCE.
NO CUTE APOLOGIES.
I DON'T WANT A CUTE APOLOGY.
YOU WERE MEAN TO ME, MR.
ADDISON, FOR NO GOOD REASON, OTHER THAN YOU WERE IN A BAD MOOD, AND THAT STINKS! LOTS OF TIMES, I'M IN A BAD MOOD, LOTS OF TIMES! BUT I'M NOT MEAN TO YOU.
YOU THINK BECAUSE YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THAN I DO THAT YOU CAN JUST BE MEAN TO ME? NO- THAT'S ALL! AND SOMETIMES I THINK I MAKE MISS HAYES UPSET.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MISS HAYES.
GRR! THAT MAN BELONGS IN A POUND.
A POUND OF WHAT? DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I KNOW THAT THEY BOTH KNOW THAT I REALLY LOVE THEM.
YOU REMEMBER HOW GREAT THINGS WERE BEFORE WHAT'S HER NAME SHOWED UP? MISS HAYES? I MEAN, WAS THIS A GREAT JOB, OR WHAT? IT WAS! GOOD PEOPLE, GOOD TIMES, A GREAT GIG.
NO DEADLINES, NO ARGUMENTS, NO PRESSURE NO CASES BUT IT WAS GREAT.
YEAH, IT WAS.
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH I MISS HER, TOO.
ARE YOU SURE? I'M SURE.
ACCORDING TO DONAHUE, I'M AT MY PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL PEAK RIGHT NOW.
WELL, DONAHUE OUGHT TO KNOW.
ANYWAY, YOU KNOW THE MAN WHO COMES BY TO SELL SANDWICHES IN THE MORNING? MR.
SANDWICH? HIS NAME IS NEIL.
HE ASKED ME TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM.
NOT JUST SANDWICHES, EITHER-HOT FOOD.
HOT FOOD? WE'RE CLOSE.
WE'RE VERY, VERY CLOSE.
AND WE'RE HONEST.
WE'RE VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.
ALL RIGHT.
SO, WHY DO YOU THINK THEY'RE FIGHTING? ARE THEY GONNA SEE THIS? SURE.
THEY MIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T ANSWER THAT.
MR.
VIOLA, AS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE FAMILY, WHAT DO YOU THINK'S GOING ON HERE? WELL CANDIDLY? IT'S A LITTLE STRANGE.
BUT THEN THIS WHOLE PLACE IS A LITTLE STRANGE.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
YES, SHE IS.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
YES, SHE IS.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
LET'S ASK THEM- IS SHE OUT THERE? WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN WITH A MOLE ON HIS NOSE.
MOLE ON HIS NOSE? A MOLE ON HIS NOSE! WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES? WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES? WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES, DO YOU SUPPOSE? WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES DO I SUPPOSE WOULD BE WORN BY A MAN WITH A MOLE ON HIS NOSE? WHO KNOWS? DID I HAPPEN TO MENTION? DID I BOTHER TO DISCLOSE, THIS MAN THAT WE'RE SEEKING WITH A MOLE ON HIS NOSE? I'M NOT SURE OF HIS CLOTHES OR ANYTHING ELSE, EXCEPT HE'S CHINESE.
A BIG CLUE BY ITSELF.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT? YOU GOTTA READ A LOT OF DR.
SEUSS.
I'M SORRY TO SAY.
I'M SAD TO REPORT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE AT ALL OF THAT SORT, NOT A MAN WHO'S CHINESE WITH A MOLE ON HIS NOSE.
WITH SOME KIND OF CLOTHES THAT YOU CAN'T SUPPOSE.
SO, GET AWAY FROM THIS DOOR AND GET OUT OF THIS PLACE, OR I'LL HAVE TO HURT YOU, PUT MY FOOT IN YOUR FACE.
OH.
TIME TO GO.
TIME TO GO! LET'S JUST HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SHALL WE? MY CLIENT ISN'T ANSWERING ANY MORE OF YOUR QUESTIONS.
YOU JUST CAN'T BURST IN HERE LIKE THAT.
OH, NO? TELL THAT TO THE WRITERS.
THEN UNDERSTAND THIS, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FIG ABOUT THE LINES IN MY FACE, THE CROW'S FEET BY MY EYES, OR THE ALTITUDE OF MY CABOOSE.
HEY, THAT'S OK.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT ME FOR.
AND I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FIG ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DO.
WELL, I'M AT A LOSS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT A FLYING FIG IS.
THAT'S OK.
THEY DO.
WELL, NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THIS.
YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T WRITTEN ABOUT AT THE TIME OR TALKED ABOUT, BUT MADDIE HAYES AND I USED TO GO OUT TOGETHER.
IT DIDN'T LAST TOO LONG BECAUSE, UH IT WASN'T MADDIE'S FAULT, IT WAS MY FAULT.
IIWAS COMING TO HER ON THE REBOUND.
UH, YOU SEE, I USED TO GO WITH ANOTHER MODEL FROM MEMPHIS.
BECAME AN ACTRESS IN A COUPLE OF PICTURES WE DID.
WELL, WHEN THAT ENDED, THERE WAS MADDIE.
WE WENT AROUND TOGETHER FOR A WHILE.
I MUST SAY, I'M NOT SURPRISED THAT DAVID AND SHE ARE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, MADDIE IS VERY BRIGHT, VERY INTELLIGENT, AND SELF-ASSURED AND STRONG TOUGH.
HE'S GOING TO LOSE.
ALL RIGHT, I'VE SPOKEN WITH HER.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE SAID? SHE SAYS YOU EMBARRASS HER.
SHE SAYS YOU TAKE GREAT DELIGHT IN EMBARRASSING HER.
I EMBARRASS HER? IS THAT WHAT SHE TOLD YOU? I EMBARRASS HER? GREAT.
I TAKE IT, YOU DON'T AGREE? NO, I DON'T AGREE.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME, GIVEN THE HISTORY OF DISAGREEMENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
THERE'S NO TALKING TO YOU.
YOU CAN TALK TO ME.
NO, I CAN'T.
YES, YOU CAN! ONE BULLET, ALIVE.
DEAD.
ONE BULLET, ALIVE.
ALIVE.
DEAD.
ALIVE! DEAD! GOTCHA.
DID NOT.
GOTCHA.
DID NOT.
GOTCHA.
GOTCHA.
DID NOT.
I AM NOT A SEXIST.
OH, YOU'RE A SEXIST.
I AM NOT A SEXIST! I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU! ARE, TOO.
ARE, TOO! I'M NOT! I'M NOT! YOU'RE UPSET, AREN'T YOU? YOU LOOK UPSET.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE IRONY IS, RONA? THE IRONY OF THE SITUATION IS THAT I MIGHT LOOK UPSET, BUT SHE'S THE ONE.
SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S GOT THE TEMPER, NOT ME.
REALLY? REALLY.
WHOA! BOY, THERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF UNAMUSED PEOPLE DOWN THERE.
YO, MADDIE! GOT ANY RAW MEAT? ALL RIGHT, THEN, YOU DON'T AGREE ON ANYTHING.
SHE'S GOT A BAD TEMPER.
SHE'S CONCEITED, SHE'S RUDE, SHE'S COLD, SHE'S ALOOF.
IF I'D HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE COMING, I'D HAVE TYPED UP A LIST.
SO, WHY DO YOU STAY TOGETHER? I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S REMARKABLE.
DO YOU TWO- STRICTLY BUSINESS.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK SHE'S HUNG UP ON THIS OTHER GUY.
THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
NOT THAT I CARE.
I DON'T CARE.
I'M JUST HURT, THAT'S ALL.
I MEAN, I THINK, IF SHE'S GOING TO GO FOR SOMEBODY, SHE SHOULD GO FOR ME, THAT'S ALL.
NOT THAT SHE HAS TO GO FOR ME.
I DON'T-I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.
OK.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I'M INSECURE.
THERE.
I ADMIT IT.
IT'S OUT, ALL RIGHT? IT'S NORMAL, RIGHT? DID I HAPPEN TO MENTION THIS OTHER GUY'S DEAD? IT SURE HAS GONE DOWN HERE.
I MUST HAVE HAD MY LIMIT.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO GET TOGETHER AND DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME, STINKY.
WE THINK ALIKE.
YOU KNOW A LOT OF TIMES, WE THINK ALIKE.
STOP THAT, DAVID! STOP THAT, DAVID! I'M CALLING THE POLICE, DAVID! I'M CALLING THE POLICE, DAVID! HELLO.
POLICE? HELLO.
POLICE? I HATE YOU! YOU LOVE ME! I GUESS THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN ORIGINAL IDEA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT AM I DOING HERE?WHAT ARE YOU DOINGHERE? AND A LOT OF TIMES, WE DON'T.
BOOK ME ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO BUENOS AIRES.
LISTEN, DO YOU MIND IF I JUST TALK SOME SENSE TO YOU? THAT WILL BE A FIRST.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING DOWN THERE FOR? TO GET BACK WHAT'S MINE.
WHAT WAS YOURS! IT'S GONE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? KISS IT BYE-BYE, WILL YA? THANKS FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT.
I'M JUST TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
ISN'T IT ENOUGH, THE GUY BAMBOOZLED YOU? NOW YOU GOT TO GO DOWN THERE SO HE CAN LAUGH AT YOU? HE'S NOT GOING TO LAUGH.
OH, YES, HE IS.
HE'S NOT GOING TO LAUGH! OH, YES, HE IS.
HE'S NOT GOING TO LAUGH! YOU'RE RIGHT, HE'S GOING TO ROAR! WHY ARE WE STILL TOGETHER? I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A MYSTERY TO ME.
I YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING CRAZY? I THINK SHE THINKS I'M STUPID.
NO, I'M SKIPPING LUNCH.
I'M GOING TO THE MUSEUM.
THEY'RE EXHIBITING A NEW GAUGUIN.
GAUGUIN? OH, I HEARD OF HIM.
THAT'S THE GUY THAT DUKED IT OUT WITH GODZILLA, RIGHT? I KNOW WHO IT IS.
HE PAINTS NAKED GIRLS.
NUDES.
NUDES, RIGHT.
NAKEDS HAVE STAPLES IN THEM.
I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
THERE ARE NO CLIENTS.
THERE NEVER HAVE BEEN ANY CLIENTS.
THERE AREN'T GOING TO BE ANY CLIENTS, ARE THERE? I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CLIENT? WHAT? YOU MEAN, AT THIS PARTICULAR LOCATION? THE IRONY OF IT IS I TAUGHT HER EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS.
YOU STICK THE STICKPIN IN.
AND PULL THE STICKPIN OUT.
YOU STICK THE STICKPIN IN, * AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT * * YOU DO THE HOKEY-POKEY * * AND YOU TURN YOURSELF ABOUT * * THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ** WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.
CLEARLY, THERE'S NO ONE AT HOME.
LET'S JUST BE SURE.
ANY IDEA WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR? A CLUE.
OK, GIVE ME ONE.
GIVE ME ONE, WHAT? GIVE ME A CLUE WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR.
A CLUE! I'M WAITING.
FOR WHAT? TO FIND OUT WHAT THE MAN IS LOOKING FOR! THE MAN IS LOOKING FOR A CLUE! A CLUE, A CLUE, A CLUE! GESUNDHEIT.
AND SHE CALLS ME STUPID.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE NOT STUPID.
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN.
CERTAINLY THERE HAVE BEEN OTHER WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE.
* HARD TO HIDE * * MY HURT INSIDE * * THIS OLD HEART OF MINE * * ALWAYS KEEPS ME CRYING * * THE WAY YOU'RE TREATING ME * * LEAVES ME INCOMPLETE * * YOU'RE HERE FOR THE DAY * COME HERE.
* AND GONE FOR THE WEEK * * BUT IF YOU LEAVE ME A HUNDRED TIMES * * A HUNDRED TIMES I'LL TAKE YOU BACK * * I'M YOURS WHENEVER YOU WANT ME * * I'M NOT TOO PROUD TO SHOUT IT * * TELL THE WORLD ABOUT IT * * CAUSE I * * I LOVE YOU * * YES, I DO * * I LOVE YOU * * THIS OLD HEART OF MINE * * BEEN BROKE A THOUSAND TIMES * * EACH TIME YOU BREAK AWAY * * I THINK YOU'RE GONNA STAY ** OBVIOUSLY, THERE'VE BEEN OTHER MEN IN HER LIFE.
MEN? HA HA HA! THAT'S A JUDGMENT CALL, RONA.
MADDIE, JUST AWFUL NEWS.
THERE'S BEEN A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.
AND I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO- DOCTOR? DAVID ADDISON.
I'M A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE OF MISS HAYES.
SMALL WORLD, ISN'T IT? I'M HERE WITH THE WIFE AND KIDS, CELEBRATING PATTY GETTING HER BRACES REMOVED.
AND I WAS GONNA SAY, HEY, "LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T PULL A COUPLE OF TABLES TOGETHER AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
" BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT TO GO, HUH, DOC? I'M AFRAID SO.
I FEEL JUST TERRIBLE ABOUT LEAVING YOU LIKE THIS.
LET ME COME WITH YOU.
YOU SEEM TO BE IN VERY GOOD HANDS.
THE BEST.
PLEASE! I KNOW, WE WERE STARTING TO HIT IT OFF, WEREN'T WE? LISTEN, I'VE ALREADY PAID THE CAPTAIN.
WHY DON'T YOU STAY WITH YOUR FRIEND AND GO AHEAD AND ENJOY YOUR DINNER? CARL! I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.
I'M SURE YOU WILL.
ALLOW ME, MA'AM.
WHERE WERE WE? YOU WERE FIRED, AND I WAS LEAVING! NOW, I AM REALLY SORRY TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
I THINK WE WOULD HAVE MADE A TERRIFIC TEAM.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK ALL THIS "TOUGH GUY, "SHE'S GOT A BAD TEMPER, YOU CAN'T WORK TOGETHER" GIBBERISH IS JUST A COVER FOR SOMEONE WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT SOMEBODY.
* OH, BABY WHAT YOU DONE TO ME * * WHAT YOU DONE TO ME * * YOU MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD INSIDE * * GOOD INSIDE * * AND I JUST WANT TO BE * * WANT TO BE * * CLOSE TO YOU, YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO ALIVE * * YOU MAKE ME FEEL * * YOU MAKE ME FEEL * * YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN * * YOU MAKE ME FEEL * * YOU MAKE ME FEEL ** IT'S OK.
MMM! OH, I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA SAY THAT.
OK, ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT IT.
I RAN INTO SOME TROUBLE.
GOING UNDERGROUND IS NOT AS EASY AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN ASK ANYBODY DIRECTIONS.
I'M GETTING THE HANG OF IT, THOUGH.
LIKE YESTERDAY, HITCHED A BACK ROAD TO THE EDGE OF TOWN.
MMM.
HAD A CONVERSATION WITH A SKINNY DOG.
MMM.
OPENED A CAN OF BEANS WITH MY TEETH.
MMM? ALL RIGHT, IT WAS A BAG OF BEANS.
MMM.
AFTER DINNER, I WENT DOWN TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS TO HOP A FREIGHT TRAIN.
MMM IT WAS OK.
NONE OF THE OTHER VAGABONDS WOULD TALK TO ME, THOUGH.
FOUND OUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT YOUR BEANS BEFORE YOU HOP THE FREIGHT TRAIN.
THERE SIMPLY ARE THINGS THAT DEFY EXPLANATION.
I MEAN, GOD- WELL NOW, THERE YOU GO.
THERE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE.
GOD'S A GOOD EXAMPLE.
GOD DEFIES EXPLANATION.
YOU BELIEVE IN HIM.
EVERYBODY BELIEVES IN HIM.
HELLO? DON'T TELL ME.
THEN, DON'T ASK ME.
YOU DON'T- I WARNED YOU.
HOW CAN YOU NOT? DAVID, I DON'T THINK WE WANT TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION.
OH OK, I GET IT.
THIS IS JUST SOMETHING YOU'RE SAYING, RIGHT? JUST SOMETHING YOU SAY TO PEOPLE, RIGHT? I MEAN, DEEP DOWN, DEEP, DEEP, DEEP DOWN I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
WHAT CAN I SAY? I DON'T BELIEVE IN- DON'T SAY THAT! DAVID! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY THAT FOR? HE MIGHT HEAR YOU.
YOU DO REALLY CARE ABOUT HER, DON'T YOU? WE'VE HAD SOME PRETTY WILD TIMES.
AAH! HANG ON TIGHT, MADDIE! NOW, LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO TURN AROUND, AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LOOK DOWN.
AAH! THEY'RE FOLLOWING US! OF COURSE THEY'RE FOLLOWING US.
NATURALLY, THEY'RE FOLLOWING US.
IT'S A CHASE.
WELL, GUESS THAT'S THAT.
CHASE IS OVER.
HE'S CAUGHT UP WITH US.
AAH! AAH, DAVID! WHY IS HE DOING THAT? BECAUSE YOU'RE LETTING HIM DO IT! PUNCH THIS COW, WILL YA? OK, I WILL.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? STEP ON THE PEDAL, CREDAL.
WHAT DO I DO NOW? GET IN THE FAR RIGHT LANE AND MAKE A SHARP LEFT.
YOU DON'T MAKE A LEFT TURN FROM THE FAR RIGHT LANE! WE DO! LEFT INTO THIS ALLEY! WE DID IT! WE DID IT? WE DID IT! WE LOST THEM.
OOPS, THEY DID IT.
THEY FOUND US.
REVERSE! FASTER! FASTER? I DON'T LIKE DRIVING FAST IN FORWARD.
AND I DON'T LIKE DRIVING FAST IN BACKWARD.
FREEZE! FREEZE! FREEZE! FREEZE! ANYBODY WANT TO PLAY TWISTER? DAVID, LOOK OUT! SAY, AREN'T YOU BILLY BARTY? AND AREN'T YOU, UH HIT ON SOMEBODY YOUR OWN SIZE.
LOOK OUT! DAVID, THERE'S A COFFIN BACK THERE.
YOU'RE KIDDING? A COFFIN IN A HEARSE? CALL MIKE WALLACE! YOU THINK THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN IT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DO I THINK THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN IT? OF COURSE THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN IT! WHAT DO YOU THINK? THESE GUYS CARRY SPARES? DAVID! HE'S SAFE! WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME, DAVID? IF I COULD GET THE TWO OF YOU IN A ROOM TOGETHER- WAIT A MINUTE.
WOULD YOU AT LEAST JUST TALK? MADDIE AND ME? DAVID.
FOR ME? FOR YOU, RONA? YEAH.
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
FOR YOU, RONA.
MADDIE? DAVID? AHEM.
WHAT DO WE SAY? I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
NOW SAY IT TO THEM.
WE'RE SORRY.
WE'RE SORRY.
DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY? NEW EPISODE NEXT TUESDAY! NEW EPISODE NEXT TUESDAY! NOW KISS AND MAKE UP.
WELL, AMERICA, SO MUCH FOR MADDIE AND DAVID.
AND SO MUCH FOR ME.
I'M RONA BARRETT.
SLEEP TIGHT.
NOT YOU TWO.
* SOME WALK- * I WANT YOU TO SAY HI.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? JOHNNY.
HI, JOHNNY.
SAY HI.
AND HE'S A LITTLE CONFUSED AS TO WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE SHOW OVER HERE ON MOONLIGHTING THIS YEAR.
AND WE'RE HAVING FUN, AREN'T WE, KIDS? YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! *BY NIGHT * PHIL, I KNOW WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER, BUT YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN EXTORTIONIST TO ME.
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A NICE MAN WHO'S A LITTLE DISTRAUGHT, WHO OUGHT TO TAKE A MINUTE AND COOL DOWN.
SHE'S RIGHT, PHIL.
COME WITH US.
WE'LL TELL WELMA WE WESCUED- RESCUED YOU AND THE YOU JUST SEEM LIKE A VERY NICE MAN WHO'S A LITTLE DISTRAUGHT, WHO OUGHT TO TAKE A MINUTE AND COOL DOWN.
SHE'S RIGHT, PHIL.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
I GOT IT! I GOT IT! OH! SHE'S RIGHT, PHIL.
COME WITH US.
WE'LL TELL WILMA AND WE WESCUE- STAY THERE.
STAY THERE.
SHE'S RIGHT.
DON'T SMILE.
I'M SORRY.
* SOME FLY BY- * I'M SORRY TO SAY I'M SAD TO REPORT THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE AT ALL OF THAT SORT.
NOT A MAN WHO'S CHINESE WITH A MOLE ON HIS NOSE WITH SOME SORT OF CLOTHES THAT I'M SORRY TO SAY I'M SAD TO REPORT * DAY- * HELLO.
WHERE'S THE FIRE ESCAPE? OH, FORGET I SAID THAT.
IS THIS YOURS? NO, IT COULDN'T BE.
IT'S PROBABLY GLENN'S.
* NOTHING COULD CHANGE- * I'M SORRY TO SAY I'M SAD TO REPORT THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE AT ALL OF THAT SORT.
NOT A MAN OH, GOD.
* YOU, SET AND- * THE ONLY REASON HE KEEPS ME AROUND IS BECAUSE OF YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEEPS BRINGING THEM INTO THE CLUB.
ALL THOSE BOYS HOME FROM THE WAR, THEY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU.
THAT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT THAT YOU COULDN'T GO TO WAR.
HA HA HA! * SURE OF THE WAY * I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND, RICHARD.
RICHARD? WAIT A MINUTE, EDDIE! MY NAME IS NAVARONE! AND THE $100,000 YOU FOUND AND SO BLABLEEP BLADABLAPOO! * WAY- * I'M SORRY TO SAY I'M SAD TO REPORT THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY * THERE IS THE- * ACTION! I'M SORRY.
ACTION! I'M * SUN AND MOON * WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES DO I SUPPOSE- THAT A MAN WITH A MOLE ON HIS NOSE WOULD WEAR *THEY SING THEIR OWN- * HOO-HOO! WAH! * SWEET TUNE, WATCH THEM WHEN DAWN- * HA HA HA HA HA HA.
* IS DUE, SHARING ONE- * WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES DO I SUPPOSE WOULD BE WORN BY A MAN- * SPACE * DO YOU HAVE THE MIAMI VICE LOOK HERE? HA HA HA! * WE'LL WALK BY NIGHT * * I'M POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN * * POOP POOP ** HA HA HA! * WE'LL FLY BY DAY * ACTION.
HEY.
YO, YOU, KNUCKLEHEAD.
TURN AROUND.
READY? YEAH, READY.
QUIET, PLEASE! KEEP ROLLING.
ACTION.
HEY.
I OWE YOU.
YEAH, WELL, NEXT TIME, NEXT TIME I HAVE, UH, SOMEBODY I USED TO SLEEP WITH, I'M GONNA TELL THEM TO HAVE YOU GIVE THEM THE ONCE-OVER.
BY THE GIRL- THE OLD LADY, TOO.
HA HA HA! * MOONLIGHTING STRA- * ACTION! LET'S JUST TAKE THE $20,000- LET'S JUST TAKE THE $20,000, GET ON A PLANE- AND WHAT? AND GET DOWN WITH THAT FUNKY- DAVID, I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
PLEASE BE HONEST.
NO EVASIVENESS, OK? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR? CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL