Moonlighting s04e11 Episode Script

Eek! A Spouse!

So Come Walk The Night Come Fly By Day Something Is Sweeter 'cause We Met On The Way Moonlighting Strangers Who Just Met On The Way Who Just Met On The Way Captioning Made Possible By Lions Gate Home Entertainment [Rock Music Playing] When I Took You Out I Knew What You Were All About But When I Did I Didn't Mean To Turn You On Now I Bring You Home You Tell Me Good Night's Not Enough For You I'm Sorry, Baby I Didn't Mean To Turn You On Whoa I Didn't Mean To Turn You On You Read Me Wrong I Wasn't Trying To Lead You On Not Like You Think I Didn't Mean To Turn You-- [Ring] Hello.
Uh, Yes, He's Here.
It's The Doorman.
Yeah? Oh! What?! What? Where Is She? Where Is She? [Metal Clanging] Hope I Didn't Interrupt Your Evening, Dear.
Tony? SoThat's The Whore You've Been Seeing Behind My Back.
What The Hell Did You Do To My Car? What The Hell Are You Doing To Our Marriage? How Stupid Do You Think I Am? Damn You! Damn You! Go To Hell.
[Car Starting] [Tires Squealing] [Ring] Blue Moon Detective Agency.
Your Best Gal Friday's Got Her Hand In The Till, That Faithful Bookkeeper's Been Giving You Swill, Call Blue Moon Pronto.
We'll Sniff Out That Cheat And Get Your Business Back On Its Feet.
Our Fee Ain't Cheap, But We'll Bust Our Chops 'cause Our Team Is Back Together And Everything's Sort Of Ok.
Can You Call Back? Good Morning, Miss Dipesto.
Good Morning, Miss Hayes.
It Certainly Is Nice To Be Back In The Swing Of Things-- The Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling Of My Snooze Alarm, Bumper To Bumper With My Commuter Coffee Mug and My Favorite Solid Gold Deejay.
Ah, Yes.
It's Great To Be Back In The Saddle Again.
Mr.
Addison In Yet? Nope.
Some Things Never Change.
Oh, He's Usually In By Now.
Really? Can't Run An Agency All By Yourself And Sleep Until Noon.
Matter Of Fact, I Can't Remember The Last Time He Was This Late.
Maybe He Got Caught In Traffic.
Maybe.
Probably.
You Don't Think Mr.
Addison's Not Coming In At All, Do You? Why Would He Not Come In? Well, There Have Been Some Changes Since I Was Here Last.
Events Have Taken Place, Milestones Reached.
Oh, You Mean, You Got Married? Uh Yeah, I Heard.
Congratulations, Honestly.
We're All Very Thrilled For You Both.
You're Really Going To Like Him--My Husband.
He's Terrific.
Terrific.
He Makes Me Happy.
Happy's Good.
So You Think Mr.
Addison Should Leave The Agency? No, No, No.
Absolutely A Hundred Percent Not.
I Want Him To Stay, But We Have To Prepare Ourselves For The Possibility That Mr.
Addison May Feel A Little Differently.
I Can't Stop, I Can't Stop Because Lightning Striking Again La Howdy, Boss.
Miss Dipesto, If Anyone Calls, I Will Not Seek, Nor Will I Accept The Nomination Of My Party For President Of These United States.
La Morning.
Morning--That's Why The Sun's Up.
You Certainly Seem In Fine Spirits.
There's Many Things To Be In Fine Spirits About: Woke Up This Morning, Looked In A Mirror, Hadn't Turned Into A Giant Cockroach Yet.
That's 5 Days In A Row.
Let Me Ask You A Question.
Should We Invest Last Quarter's Earnings In A 7.
5% T-Bill Or Buy 23,417 Lottery Tickets? I Half Expected Not To See You Today.
You Leaving Town Again? For A While I Was Worried About You.
I Mean, After The Bombshell I Dropped Yesterday.
Bombshell? What Bomb--Oh, You Mean About Getting Married? That Wasn't No Bombshell.
That Was A Bottle Rocket, A Cap.
A Cap? Yeah.
Not Even A Cap.
I Think It's Great.
You Do? Yeah.
Not Only Me.
The Whole Office Is Thrilled.
Yeah, I Noticed.
They Didn't Say Anything, But I Could Hear Their Pulses Quicken.
It's A Fact Of Life, Babe.
You Grow Up, You Get Married.
Some Of My Best Friends Are Married.
i Was Married.
I Think Everybody Ought To Take A Whack At It.
I Just Read An Article About A Doughnut Tycoon From Arkansas.
Got Married 27 Times.
Couldn't Stand To Be Away From Holy Matrimony.
Do You Want To Talk About This, David? i Am Talking About This.
Personally, I Think We Ought To Go With Lottery Tickets.
Not That, David.
Us, Me, My Marriage.
There Really Isn't That Much More To Talk About, Is There? I Mean, You Wouldn't Have Hauled Off And Got Married If You Were Having My Baby.
You're Not Having My Baby, Are You? No.
I Already Told You.
Then There's Nothing To Talk About.
I Think It's Terrific.
A Little Out Of Left Field, But I Think It's Terrific.
[Knock On Door] Excuse Me For Interrupting, But There's A Woman Here To See You.
Tell Her To Wait.
Nonsense.
The Business Of Blue Moon Is Business.
Show Her In.
Fine.
Show Her In.
Thank You For Seeing Me Without An Appointment.
My Name Is Lauren Baxter.
Hi.
I'm Maddie Hayes.
Nice To Meet You.
Hi.
I'm David Addison.
Please Make Yourself Comfortable.
How Can We Help You, Miss Baxter? mrs.
Baxter.
I'm Still Old-Fashioned About Certain Things.
I Wasn't Sure I Should Come To A Detective Agency, But I Didn't Know Where Else To Go.
I Want You To Save My Marriage.
Well, Shouldn't You Go To Someone More Qualified For That, Say, A Marriage Counselor? No.
I Don't Need That Kind Of Help.
My Husband And I Have No Trouble Communicating.
What We Have Trouble With Is Keeping Our Voices Down.
He Can Be So Damn Stupid.
We've Been Married 15 Years.
Every One Of Them's Been Stormy And Tempestuous, And, I Think, Wonderful.
Maddie: So Your Arguments Are The Problem.
His Mistress Is The Problem.
I Don't Know How Long It's Been Going On, But I Want It To StopNow.
Sounds Like A Reasonable Request From A Wife.
Well, He Doesn't Listen To Reasonable.
He Doesn't Like Other People Making Demands On Him, Especially His Wife.
But I Don't Want To Lose Him.
I Love Him, And I Know He Loves Me.
Does Your Husband Know You Found Out? He Knows.
She Was Different Than I Expected-- Cool, Detached-- Quite The Opposite Of Me, But I Suppose That's What A Man Looks For In A Mistress, Isn't It? The Things He Doesn't Find In A Wife.
What Would You Like Us To Do? Her Name Is Bridget Graves.
I Want You To Take Her The Following Offer: $50,000 Cash Plus Relocation Expenses Anywhere In The World.
In Exchange, I Want Her To Promise Never To See, Correspond, Or In Any Way Communicate With My Husband Ever Again.
What Do You Think, Mrs.
Bishop? Could I Speak To You Outside For A Moment, Please? Me? Be Right Back.
Kind Of Like Deja Vu, Isn't It? You, Me, Out Here Arguing Whether We Should Take A Case.
What Did You Call Me? Maddie, Short For Madalyn, From The Old English, Meaning, "Tall, Beautiful Blonde Woman In A Wet Slinky Nightie.
" No.
I Mean, Before.
You Called Me Mrs.
Bishop.
Yeah.
Got A Nice Ring To It, Doesn't It? Kind Of Ecclesiastical.
I'm Not Mrs.
Bishop.
I'm Maddie Hayes.
Yeah, But You're Married.
So? When A Woman Gets Married, It's Traditional That She Takes The Name Of Her Husband, Like Mamie Eisenhower, Mrs.
T.
Why Are You Doing This? Doing What? Acting This Way? Acting What Way, Mrs.
Bishop? I'm Not Mrs.
Bishop! I'm Not Going By Mrs.
Bishop.
I'm Going By Maddie Hayes.
Aha! Do I Detect A Slight Tinge Of Defensiveness On The Subject Of Your Marriage? I Am Not Defensive.
I Am Not Tinged.
What Did You Drag Me Out Here To Argue For? I Didn't Drag You Out Here.
I Asked You Out Here To Correct You.
I Stand Corrected.
You Don't Stand Too Bad Yourself.
Let's Go Back Inside.
So What Does Your Husband Think About You Turning Your Turned-Up Nose At His Name? David! I'm Not Going To Stand Out Here, Let You Browbeat Me Because I Got Married.
If You're Trying To Get Even-- I'm Not Trying To Get Even.
Maddie, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
We're Just Having A Little Fun, Trading Barbs, Jabs, Quips, Gibes, A Little Friendly Banter.
It's What We Do.
As Far As Your Marriage Goes, I Told You, I Think It's Terrific.
Terrific? Terrific.
Excuse Me For Interrupting, But Were You Two Going To Take This Case? We'd Be Delighted.
Delighted.
This Is Strange.
Yeah.
Two People Driving In A Car.
Highly Unusual.
No.
I Mean All This Silence.
Me With You In A Car, I'm Just Not Used To All This Silence.
Oh.
Are You Upset? I Mean, It's Ok If You Are.
I Guess You Have A Right To Be.
I Just Wish You'd Tell Me.
I'm Not Upset.
No.
I Mean, It's Ok.
I Understand.
I'm Not Upset.
I Would Be Upset.
I Would Be Very, Very Upset.
May I Ask Why? Why What? Why You're Not Upset.
Not Upset About What? Me, Married? Ohh Ohh Why Am I Not Upset? I Don't Know.
You Don't Know? I Don't Know.
I Really Don't.
Really? I Bet.
I Guess I Just Don't Believe You're Married.
You Don't? No, I Don't.
Really? Really.
Well, Believe It.
If You Say So.
I Say So.
You're Married? I'm Married.
You Really Did It? I Really Did It.
Then I Believe You.
You'd Better.
Ok.
Ok.
You Still Don't Seem Upset.
I'm Not.
May I Ask Why? I Don't Know.
Because You Still Don't Seem Married Yet.
I Am.
You Don't Seem Very Happy.
Well, You Don't Seem Very Unhappy.
Then We're Even.
You're Upset.
Am Not.
You're Upset! Am Not.
You Are Upset! Am Not, Am Not, Am Not.
Why Would I Be Upset? What Is There To Be Upset About? Look, When You Told Me, I Was A Little Upset, But Then When I Started Thinking, I Said, "Wait A Minute--" When You Started What? I Said, "She's Not Really Married.
" I Am! What Kind Of Person Meets A Person On Friday, Marries That Person On Sunday, And Then Shows Up To Work On Monday? this Kind Of Person.
A Person That's Really Not Married But Wants Another Person To Think That She's Married.
That's What Kind Of Person.
You're Wrong.
If I'm Wrong-- You're Wrong.
Then What Kind Of Person Meets A Person On Friday, Marries That Person On Sunday, And Then Shows Up To Work On Monday Just So She Can Tell Another Person That She's Married? Could You Repeat The Question? No.
I'll Tell You The Answer.
I Am Not Upset Because I Refuse To Get Upset Because "A," I Don't Really Know If You Are Married, And "B," If You Are Married, I Know Why You Got Married.
You Do? I Do.
Please Share It With Me.
Make It My Wedding Gift.
To Spite Me.
What?! You Heard Me.
to Spite You? Mm-Hmm.
Are You Suggesting That-- I'm Not Suggesting.
You Egotistical-- Ooh! Nailed It, Didn't I? Uhh! I'll Have You Know That The Only Reason I Got Married-- Oh, Yeah.
I Really Want To Hear This.
Is Love-- L-O-V-E, Love.
Love? Ha Ha! Love! Yeah, Love.
Ever Hear Of Love? Not Me.
Everybody Knows What A Callous Bastard I Am.
I Hate To Break It To You, David, But That's What This Is About, Not You.
Not Me? Not You.
It's About Love, A Great And Extraordinary Love.
Wait A Minute.
Let Me Get My Violin.
I Got Swept Off My Feet, David.
I Did.
I Fell In Love.
It's As Simple As That.
I Know It Hurts You To Hear It.
I'll Admit There's A Bad Odor About It.
I Knew You Wouldn't Understand, But It's True.
I Met Someone, An Extraordinary Someone.
The Minute I Saw Him, I Knew All About Him, And He Knew All About Me.
Just Like That? Just Like That.
You Knew Him? Yes.
He Knew You? Yes.
Just Swept You Off Your Pumps? Fine.
Make Fun.
So This Is It? This Is It.
He's The One? He's The One.
Till Death Do Us Part? Absolutely.
So What Color Are His Eyes? What? What Color Are His Eyes? It's Ok.
You Can Get Back To Me On That One.
I'm Sorry.
I'm Not Much Of A Churchgoer.
Excuse Me? I Don't Want To Buy Whatever You're Selling Or Convert To Your Religion.
You Might, Depending On What You Worship, Miss Graves.
Who Are You? I'm David Addison, And This Is Maddie-- Hayes! We're Here To Talk To You About Anthony Baxter.
Anthony? Is Something Wrong? There Is If You're Mrs.
Baxter.
This Is Just Amazing.
I'm Simply This Other Woman Who Can Be Bought Off Just Like That? I Know Why She's Doing This.
I Understand.
I Don't Have Any Illusions About My Relationship With Anthony.
i Mean, I Am The Other Woman, Aren't I? I've Always Known I Can Never Really Have Him.
He's Been Honest About That.
If He Divorces Her, He's Got To Give Her Everything.
But There's Something She Doesn't Understand.
she's The Problem Here, Not Me.
Her Troubles Won't Magically Disappear If I Do.
Do You Think Anthony's Cheating On His Wife Because He's Happy At Home? He Comes Here For That.
He Comes To Me Because It's Relaxed With Us.
It's Easy.
we Can Talk.
We Can Just Be Together.
Every Conversation Doesn't Have To Turn Into An Argument.
Every Issue Doesn't Have To Be Black Or White.
Every Moment Between Us Doesn't Have To Be Hot Or Cold.
We Just Accept Each Other For Who We Are.
So I Don't Get To See Him At Christmas Or His Birthday.
We Make The Most Of The Days In Between.
I Get The Best Of Him.
I Get Someone Who Wants To Be With Me When He Is With Me No Pressures.
It's Just Comfortable.
How Many People Can Say They Had That? I Think You Better Leave.
Brown? Your Eyes Are Brown? No, I'm Not Disappointed.
Right.
There Are Always Tinted Contact Lenses.
Of Course I'm Kidding.
I'm Kidding, And You're Kidding.
No.
No Regrets.
I Love You, Too.
Bye.
[Knocking On Door] Come In.
This Ought To Catch You Up On Everything, Miss Hayes.
Thank You, Agnes.
Anything Else I Can Get You, Miss Hayes? No.
That Should Do It.
Agnes? Why Are You Angry? I Wish Someone Would Tell Me Why Everyone Is Angry.
You Don't Know? I Don't Know, Miss Hayes.
I Guess We All Feel Let Down.
I Mean, We Get Up Every Morning, Jump In The Shower, Fight The Traffic And Come To Work, Put In Our Time, Leave And Try To Find The Energy To Do It All Again The Next Morning.
Why Do We Do That? I Don't Know.
But It Sure Isn't About Money, And I Don't Think It Has Much To Do With Being Detectives.
I Mean, If You Listen To Those People Out There, They're Almost Never Talking About Who They Really Think Murdered Thus-And-So, You Know? Mostly What They're Talking About Is You And Him.
David And I? I Mean, There Isn't A Whole Lot Left In This World That's Real.
You Buy A Cup Of Coffee, And They Give You This White Stuff To Put In It That Isn't Really Milk.
You Order Something Through A Catalog, And When It Gets To Your House, It Almost Never Looks Like The Picture.
You Talk To Someone On The Phone, And Then When You Meet Them, They Almost Never Seem Like You Imagined.
But You Two I Don't Know.
I Loved It When You Fought.
I Loved It When You Made Up.
I Loved Being Around You, And, I Mean, I Didn't Necessarily Think You'd Get Married.
I Just Never Figured You'd Marry Anyone Else.
I Just Thought It Was Realer Than That.
And I Feel Let Down And I Guess We All Feel That Way.
Agnes You've Got To Know That When I Got On That Train, I Had Every Intention That's Not True.
When I Got On That Train, I Didn't Know What I Was Going To Do.
I Didn't Know What Was Going To Happen.
All I Knew Was That I Belonged Here And That You Cared And That He Really Cared.
Getting The Baby Books And The Phone Messages, I Mean.
I Was Determined To Work It Out.
But As I Got Closer To Los Angeles I Mean, As I Got Closer And Closer To Home I Got More And More Frightened.
Then I Met This Man, Very Nice Man.
He Listened To Me.
He Comforted Me.
He Seemed To Understand Me.
Is That Love? I Don't Know.
Maybe It's Just Two People Who Figure They'll Never See Each Other Again So Why Not Be Honest With Each Other.
So We Were.
I Told Him Everything.
He Listened, And He Cared.
I Was A Blithering Idiot.
It Was Like I Was Rushing Back To School To Take An Exam I Hadn't Studied For-- Me And David The Baby Being Sam's And Not David's.
But You Know What Else? I Couldn't Marry David Addison, And It's Not What You Think.
I Know He Would Try To Reinvent Himself Into This Perfect Husband And Perfect Father, But He'd Be Miserable And So Would I.
Anyway, Walter-- The Man On The Train--And I Were Sitting In This Restaurant In Las Vegas, One Of Those God-Awful Casinos, Laughing And Talking, And All Of A Sudden, He Said To Me, "Hey, You Know, I Have A Crazy Idea.
Why Don't We Get Married?" And I Thought At First He Was Joking, And I Laughed.
And Then It All Fell Into Place.
We'd Get Married, Not That I Needed To, not That I Had To.
It Wasn't That I Was Husband-Hunting Or Anything.
I Mean, I Had Made The Decision To Have This Baby By Myself, And I Was Absolutely Prepared To Do That.
But Here Was This Nice Man, And It All Seemed To Make Sense.
I Knew David Would Be Hurt.
I Knew He'd Probably Leave, And That Would Hurt Me, Too.
But At Least He'd Still Be David.
Being David Is A Wonderful Thing.
Being David Is Like, I Don't Know, A First Kiss All The Time.
You Know What I Mean? That's A Wonderful Thing, But It's Also Scary-- Always Being Nervous, Always Being Unsure.
And Walter? Walter's He Understands Me.
He Cares.
No.
No, He's Not Like A First Kiss.
He's More Like That White Stuff You Put In The Coffee.
But You Know What? I Like That Stuff.
You Can Depend On It, Hot Or Cold.
It's Always There For You.
But That Doesn't Mean You Ever Stop Loving Real Milk, Either.
Oh, Miss Hayes! That's The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Heard.
Agnes.
Oh, Miss Hayes.
And You Won't Say Anything? David: Well, What Makes You Think I Don't Want To Go See Chamber Music? Scarlotti? Yeah, I Heard Of Him.
He Owns A Clam Joint On The Hudson River, Doesn't He? Ha Ha Ha! It's Almost Show Time, Kiddo.
Terry, You Got To Stop Being So Nervous About This.
Yes, I Have My Beeper.
Yes, It's Working.
Yeah, It's Right In My Pocket.
Just Relax.
Listen-- Stop.
Will You Stop? Just Do What They Told You To Do In Lamaze Class.
Put On Some More Chamber Music.
Ok.
All Right.
Good.
I'll Call You Later.
Ok.
Get Some Sleep.
Bye-Bye.
[Telephone Rings] Blue Moon.
David Addison Speaking.
Yo, Blondie! Up And At 'em! Bridget Went For The Gold.
She's Flying The Love Nest, And We Got To Go See Her.
Yo! I Guess Hubby Likes His Dinner On The Table.
How Are You Feeling, Sir? About A Minute Older Than The Last Time You Asked Me, Bert.
Could I Pull Off The Road And Get You Anything-- A Cup Of Coffee? An Egg Salad Sandwich? Some Antidepressants Of Any Kind? No, Thanks.
Not That I Was Implying That You Were Poised-- No Implication Taken, Bert.
And Thank You For Seeking My Assistance On This Case.
I Just Want You To Know That Day Or Night, Rain Or Shine, Come Hell Or High Water, I Will Always Be There-- Bert, Bert.
If This Is About Miss Hayes Getting Married, You Can Just Cool Your Jets, All Right? I Can, Sir? Yeah, Man.
I'm Fine.
You're Fine? I'm Fine.
I'm Real Fine.
i'm So Fine.
So Just Relax, All Right? Oh, Ok.
You Don't Have To Be Brave With Me, Mr.
Addison! I Know What You're Feeling: The Emptiness, The Desperation, The Pain, The Gnarled Fingers Of Betrayal Reaching Down Your Throat And Crushing Your Heart Within You Like An Overripe Pomegranate.
Come On, Sir! Say It With Me.
"They Are Not Long, These Days Of Wine And Roses--" Bert, Bert! Take 3 Deep Breaths Right Now.
Thank You, Sir.
Listen, I've Got A Proposal.
I'm Just Going To Mention This Once, And I Will Never Bring It Up Again.
But Now Is The Prime Opportunity For You To Take Advantage Of The Many Skills You've Inculcated In Me And Dig Into The Hopefully Checkered Past Of This Mystery Man, This Mr.
Walter Bishop.
I Appreciate The Offer, Bert, But I Really Don't Think-- Mr.
Addison, Don't You Want To Expose This Casanova, This Seducer, This Premise Wrecker? I Am Sure Walter Bishop Is A Square Guy.
Otherwise Maddie Wouldn't Have Married Him.
Well, That Is Very Generous Of You, Sir, But Something Tells Me That This "Square Guy" Is Giving Miss Hayes A Raw Deal.
Maybe He's Some Kind Of Philanderer Looking For A Soft Job As A Househusband.
Maybe He Just Pulled The Steel Wool Over Miss Hayes' Eyes.
Ohh Oh, I Don't Know.
The Whole Thing Is Criminal.
Bert, He Married Her.
He Didn't Tie Her To A Log In A Sawmill.
exactly! He Married Her.
why Did She Marry Him? Why Did She Marry Him? He's Not You.
That Would Make It A Little Crowded In The Bathroom In The Morning.
I Don't Know.
It's Just There's No Explanation.
There's No Reason.
It's Like Saying Or Day Is Night Or We Don't Really Exist.
Do We Really Exist, Sir? Can You Really Prove That We-- Bert! Can You Feel Your Underwear? Yes.
Then You Really Exist.
And I'm Sure Walter Bishop, Whatever Kind Of Guy He Is, Feels His Underwear, And He Really Exists, Too.
Let's Attend To The Mistress At Hand, Shall We? [Knock Knock] bert: Boy, She Really Is A Home Wrecker.
Ok.
We'll Go In, But If Her Head Rotates More Than Once, Let's Get Out Of Here.
[Sobbing] He Took My Gun.
I've Been Trying To Warn Her.
What Gun?Warn Who? I Thought We Were Just Going To Drop Off Some Money.
Who Took Your Gun? Anthony! Bert: The Husband? Oh, Still Busy.
I've Got To Warn Her Before Something Happens.
Warn Who? Mrs.
Baxter? I'm Afraid Something Terrible Might Happen To Her.
Let's Try The Police.
"Something Terrible" Is Their Business.
Yeah, We've Got An Emergency.
Don't Put Me On Hold! Hey! Must Be A Lot Of "Something Terribles" Going On.
Here.
Hold My Hold, Will You? Are You Ok? I Always Knew He Had A Temper.
I've Just Never Been On This End Of It Before.
He Came Over Just After I Called You.
He Found Me Packing.
He Got So Upset.
It Scared Me.
I Told Him About His Wife, Her Offer, And He Just Snapped.
Can You Believe I Envied This, This Thing They Have? Anthony Never Felt For Me What He Feels For Her.
I Was This Escape, A Place He Could Come To Cool Off.
That's Why I Decided To Accept Mrs.
Baxter's Offer, So I Could Go Someplace New, Start Over Try To Find What I Thought They Had--All This Emotion.
Yeah.
I've Got An Emergency Here.
Something Terrible.
[Men Talking] Man: Stand Back There.
Stand Back.
What's All The Hubbub? Someone's Dead.
Man: Go Home Now, Folks.
David: Hi.
I'm Frank Billings.
This Is My Associate Clive.
We're From The Organ Bank.
We Hear There's A Perfectly Good Gall Bladder On The Premises.
Man: Back Off.
No One's Allowed In.
What Happened? Officer: She Shot Him.
Says He Came Home In A Rage Waving A Gun.
They Fought.
Looks Like Self-Defense.
David: Well, That's What We Get For Coming Fashionably Late.
[Ring] [Ring] [Ring] [Ring] [Ring] I Don't Know, Mr.
Addison.
I Think Something Smells Funny.
Don't Cast Dispersions, Bert.
If You'd Been Up All Night At A Police Interrogation Being Barbecued, You Wouldn't Smell Too Good, Either.
I Didn't Mean You, Sir.
I Meant The Case.
It's Just Too Easy-- Bad Marriage, Suddenly He's Dead.
[Telephone Rings] [Ring] Blue Moon.
David.
Maddie? I Can't Believe You're There.
Yeah, Well, Mr.
Baxter Fell Off A Curb Last Night.
I Figured There's No Use Bothering You.
Since When Did You Become Such An Early Bird? I Don't Know.
Worrywart, I Guess.
Well, Don't Worry.
Everything's Under Control.
I'll Fill You In Later.
Go Back To Sleep.
Ok.
Don't Hang Up, David.
What Do You Mean, "Don't Hang Up, David?" Maddie, It's 5:30 In The Morning.
Maddie: I Don't Know.
Maybe I'm Crazy.
Do You Want Me To Disagree With You About That? I Don't Know.
I Had This Crazy Thought That We Could Talk, That I Could Talk To You, Work Things Out, Explain Things, Instead Of Lying Awake All Night Worrying About How You Feel.
I Feel Fine.
Go To Sleep.
I Don't Want To Go To Sleep.
I Want To Talk.
Well, I Don't.
If You Could Just Park Your Ego For A Minute.
My Ego? Your Poor, Spited Ego.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
Look, I Got News For You, Babe.
this Has Nothing To Do With My Ego.
this Is All About Your Ego.
What? Yeah.
Your Ego, Your Pride.
You Can't Stand The Fact That You Got Married, That You Dropped Some Big A-Bomb On Me, But I'm Not Standing On A Chair With My Head In A Noose About It.
The Razor's Still In The Medicine Cabinet, Maddie, And The Oven Is Off, And That Is Why You Can't Sleep.
Ha! Ha Ha Ha.
That's Ridiculous.
You Only Want Me To Believe You Feel Fine.
You'd Love It If I'd Believe You Feel Fine.
But, David, Singing In The Elevator Doesn't Convince Me.
Your Ego's In The Trash Heap, Addison! Let Me Tell You A Little Story.
[Slam] That's It.
You Cracked It! We Can Get Another Phone, Bert.
Not The Phone, The Case! You Cracked The Case! What Are You Talking About? You Were Angry, Hollering.
When You Tossed The Phone, I Suddenly Realized, When We Drove Up To The Baxters' Place, Hard On The Heels Of The Furious Mr.
Baxter, Do You Recall Where His Car Was? In The Garage.
Exactly.
Backed In Carefully Calmly Not The Way A Frenzied Person, Gun In Hand, Rushes Over To Have It Out With His Wife.
Good Job, Bert.
Yeah, Maddie, It's David.
I Didn't Wake You, Did I? No.
You Ought To Come Down Here And Pick Me Up.
We Just Cracked The Case.
Can I Ask You Something? Mind If I Turn The Radio On First? You Know, I've Spent The Last Few Days Wondering How You Feel And Constantly Asking You How You Feel.
Then This Morning It Dawned On Me That If Only I Would Stop Asking You, Then You Could Stop Denying, And Maybe We Could Stop Fighting.
Because I Know How You Feel, David.
I Know.
David, What You And I Have Is Like Nothing I've Ever Heard Of.
Maybe I'm Afraid Of It.
Maybe I'm Not Strong Enough.
But If The Day They Close The Book On Us, It Says: "We Never Got Married, And We Never Had A Child," Well, That's Ok Because What We Have, What We Are, What We're Going To Be Goes Beyond Licenses And Vows.
It's In Our Hearts And In Our Minds.
Only You Know, And Only I Know.
So As Long As It Doesn't Mean I Got To Quit Trying.
[Knock Knock] What Is It? What Are You Two Doing Here? We Need To Talk To You.
Now? Can It Wait? Then We'd Have To Come Back.
I Don't Feel Much Like Entertaining At This Hour.
We Just Need You To Answer A Question.
You Said Earlier That Mr.
Baxter Left Here In A Big Rage? Yes.
I Have Never Seen Him So Upset.
Well, Now, You See, That's What We Don't Understand.
Why Would A Man Who Was This Upset, In A Big Rage, Out Of Control To The Point Of Trying To Kill His Wife, Why Would He Take The Time To Back His Car Into The Garage? Bridget: Is That What You Came Over Here To Ask Me? Look, You Saw This Place And What He Did.
Yeah, We Saw, But Maybe That's The Point.
Maybe We Were Supposed To See It.
I Also Have Some More News On The Bruise.
It Takes A Little Longer Than A Few Minutes To Go From Whack To Black-And-Blue.
Just What Are You Trying To Accomplish With All This Ridiculous Innuendo? I Thought You Weren't In The Mood For Entertaining? Who Are You Calling? Police.
Got To Give Them An Update On A Homicide Report.
Lauren: I'm Sorry.
I Took The Liberty Of Cutting The Line.
You Two Are Friends? The Mistress And The Wife? The Lion And The Lamb? Lay Down Together? David.
I Thought You Hated Each Other.
Bridget: Oh, We Did.
We Spent Years Hating Each Other, Blaming Each Other Never Blaming Him.
Years? So All This Malarkey About This Being A New Gig For Mr.
Baxter Was Just A Bunch Of Hoo-Ha, Huh? Try 7 Years.
Together: He Saw Both Of You For 7 Years? He Was Good In Bed, But It Was Nothing Compared To What He Could Do To Your Head.
He'd Convince You To Trust Him, Give You Security, Make You Feel Safe, Then Use That Trust Against You.
He Loved Playing Us Off Each Other, Always Making Each Of Us Feel It Was Our Fault He Couldn't Leave The Other Woman.
So While He Was Doing All This Head Hopping, You Two Decided To Throw A Tea Party.
But Why Did You Kill Him? Why Not Just Leave? I Figured After 7 Years Of Being A Devoted Abusee, I Deserved More Than The Best Lawyer Anthony Could Buy, Leaving Me With Some Insignificant Settlement.
So You Planted Bridget's Gun On Mr.
Baxter Set Up A Fight And Made It Look Like Self-Defense.
And Once You Were Out From Under Mr.
Baxter, You Split The Profits, Split The Scene.
Not A Bad Scam.
You Should Get Dressed.
I Hear It Can Get Pretty Drafty In The County Jail.
Whoa, Maddie! [David Groans] [Groaning] David, Are You All Right? Forget About Me.
Are You Ok? I'm Fine.
Come On.
Let's Go! What About The Bambino? How's The Bambino? Fine.
I'm Fine.
They're Getting Away! Let Them Go.
Let Them Go? Let Them Go.
Let Them Go.
Who Says We Got To Catch Them? where Does It Say We Got To Catch Them? We Solved The Crime.
The Guilty Parties Know Who They Are.
Let Them Get Caught On Some Other Detective Show.
Let Magnum Catch Them Or Jake And That Big, Fat, Chubby Guy.
Or How About That Old Dame, The One That Won All The Emmys? Let Her Get A Collar Once In A While.
How Many Times Have We Done This? And Always The Same Thing.
i Say This Time, This One Time, We Bow Out.
Better Us Take A Powder Than Jeopardize The Future Of Sam Junior.
Leave Sam Out Of This.
Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, You're Having A Baby.
You Know How These Chase Scenes Are-- Always Something Stupid, A Lot Of Running, Hopping, Bopping Around.
I Refuse To Let You Do This Chase Scene With Me.
Fine.
I'll Do It Myself! [Chuckles] [Door Closes] That's All Right.
You Know I'll Be There With Her.
ok, Ok, Ok, But Let Me Drive! Seat Belt Fastened? Yes.
Let's Go Already.
I Got A Lot Of Responsibility Here, You Know? David, You're Going Slow And Steady Wins The Race.
Come On! [Horn Honks] Ok, Maddie, This Is Where You Get Off.
Out.
But, David! We Can't Let These Two Women Get Away With Murder.
I'll Take Care Of Them.
You Just Stay Right Here, All Right? Knit Some Booties Or Something.
Man: Watch Out! [Women Scream] I Can Hear The Ocean! Ha Ha Ha! [Whistling] Lovely Morning.
Yeah, I Guess, It Is.
Yeah.
One Of Those Mornings When You Just Can't Help But Whistle-- [Horns Honking] Hey! Mailman: What The Hell Are You Doing? Aah! Way To Go, Maddie! Ha Ha Ha Ha! Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! Missed Me! Aah! Oh! Ooh! Together: Aah! Oh! Oh! Oh, For Pete's Sake! David, Be Careful! What? I Said, Be Careful! David: Aah! [Women Screaming] I Always Knew Hopping From Bed To Bed Was Dangerous! Come Here.
Let Me Go! Ok, Fantasy's Over! I'm Making A Citizen's Arrest! Come On, David.
You And I Both Know You're Letting These Women Do This To You.
Oh, Sorry.
That Was The Long Arm Of The Law.
Well, Maddie, I Guess We Can Put This Case To Bed.
Well You, Me, A Bed.
Nice Way To End An Episode.
It Was Fun.
Seems Like Old Times.
Yeah.
I Want You To Put Your Ring On, Maddie.
My Ring? Yeah.
Your Ring.
Probably In Here Somewhere, Isn't It? You Know That Walter Bishop Is A Pretty Lucky Guy.
Thanks.
Captioning Made Possible By Lions Gate Home Entertainment Captioned By The National Captioning Institute --TC6 WAS HERE-- So Come Walk The Night Come Fly By Day Something Is Sweeter 'cause We Met On The Way Moonlighting Strangers Who Just Met On The Way Who Just Met On The Way