Moonlighting s05e07 Episode Script

I See England, I See France, I See Maddie's Netherworld

Sorry I'm late.
Good morning, Miss Hayes.
There's a client waiting for you in your office.
-I hear the phone ringing.
-I gotta finish those files.
-Gotta make some coffee.
-I gotta get my papers ready.
-Why can't we get through? -The circuits are busy.
After all, we're not the only coffee clatch dialling 976-WETT.
Talked to two teenage stewardesses yesterday.
-Dial again.
-In a second.
Over 18, of course.
Bambi and Boopsie.
-Twins.
-Yeah.
-With fishnets on.
-I'll dial for you.
They gave me a bath over the telephone.
I'm the only one taking a bath around here.
On the phone bill you scuzzballs are running up calling the slime line.
Slime line? That wasn't a slime line, that was library information.
-Am I right, Mr.
Viola? -Right.
Really? And why were we calling the library information? Well, we called to settle a little debate that Mr.
Addison and I were having.
-Really? -And what was that debate about? It was about-- -Bambi and Boobsie.
-Boopsie.
Librarians.
Well, gentleman, and I use that word advisedly you can kiss your fishnet-fantasy friends goodbye.
Because as of this morning the phone company is putting a 976 block on all our phones at my request.
I'd like to see you alone, Mr.
Addison.
Fishnets.
-Boy, I hope you're happy.
-You expect me to pay your cronies to have group phone sex on company time at company expense? No.
You're right.
No reason the company should pick up the check for something that's purely recreational.
-Thank you for listening.
-I'm a reasonable person.
Just as I know you are a reasonable woman.
I'll make you a deal.
You call Ma Bell, call off the phone block on the 976.
We'll pay for the bill with private contributions.
-No way.
-No way? When has this place become a dictatorship? I don't think it's right for people to sit around polluting their minds.
How do you think it makes the rest of us sex objects feel? -Censorship.
-No.
I'm trying to run a business.
-Denying their constitutional right.
-Don't be ridiculous.
They weren't bothering anybody.
You made them disperse.
Don't they have anything better to do? Wanna tell people what to spend their money on? Communism.
This conversation isn't happening.
Welcome to the People's Republic of Blue Moon.
-Miss Hayes? -Thank God.
Not under godless, atheistic communism.
Did you forget the client? Client.
-Just a second.
-I don't have time.
I have a client.
Okay, I'll make you a deal.
One call once a week.
No conversations below the waist.
Oh, David, Iwanted to build something here.
I wanted this to be something to be proud of.
No matter what I do, you knock it down.
It ain't like we were drowning puppies.
We try to have fun.
I'm not against having fun.
it's gotta be the right fun at the right time.
It was the time, then you came.
I don't wanna wake up and realise all I've done is have fun.
Don't lose any sleep.
Don't you wanna look back on your life and say, "l accomplished something?" I feel that way.
-What've you done? -Everything.
Those weeks, days and years that you can never have back don't you have regrets? No, but I agree with what you're saying.
Carpe diem, seize the day.
I say we blow this client off, go get naked and roll around on the carpet.
-The pile is much deeper in my office.
-Oh, go roll naked yourself.
Well, it's not as much fun, but it beats working.
-Can you come into my office, please? -I knew she couldn't resist me.
David the client is dead.
We can't get the best actors for these small roles.
No, I mean dead, really dead.
Call 911, Agnes, please? Dead? Dead.
Yes, Miss Hayes.
I'll be right in, Miss Hayes.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, please.
Excuse me.
Please go back to your desks, a man isn't feeling well and the paramedics will be here any minute.
Why don't you just tell them the truth, Maddie? -That's why.
-Is he really dead? Don't worry, Agnes, he ain't gonna bite you.
-He don't even look hungry.
-Did he tell you his name? No.
He was very quiet.
"Harry Soffer.
" Lives at 96 Bishop Street.
Or did.
Oh, you didn't take that out of his pocket? Well, it ain't like he's ticklish.
-I wish the paramedics would get here.
-Did he tell you anything? He said, "Morning.
Nice day.
" And I said, "Yes, isn't it?" He asked me if he could talk to someone about hiring a bodyguard.
Then I asked him if he would like a cup of coffee.
And he said, "No thanks, tummy's not feeling too hot today.
" And then I showed him into your office and I told him to make himself comfortable.
-That's it? -I checked.
I thought he was sleeping.
-Maybe if I started CPR .
-Agnes.
I think this guy's been singing with the invisible choir for quite sometime now.
Probably wasn't anything you could do.
Right in here.
-How long's he been like this? -About a half hour.
No vital signs.
Pupils fixed and dilated.
No pulse.
He's gone.
-Okay, let's pronounce him.
-What's the name? -David Addison.
-Harry Soffer.
We'll call downtown.
Somebody be along to make the pickup.
-Aren't you gonna take it with you? -it's a coroner's case.
We gotta roll.
But you can't leave that here.
Look, lady, there are people out there getting mashed up on the freeways.
We can do something for them.
Have a nice day.
-I never saw a dead body before.
-I saw my grandfather.
My mom made me kiss him.
It looks so still.
You see plenty of dead people in this business but somehow this one's different.
He came in here walked in here and just died.
He wasn't part of a case or part of a chase or a plot point that had to be resolved.
He was just a person, only now he's not.
Shou dn't someone stay in here with him? I mean, he died all alone.
No friends, no family.
What if his soul does rise out of the body and there's no one else to look down on except him alone? Wouldn't that be depressing? Who wants to stay with him? Well, busy, busy.
I've gotta catch up on my paperwork on the Anselmo case.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going? Well, Harry looks like it's me and you, buddy.
Agnes.
Tomorrow, would you call the computer company? I'm having trouble formatting the documents on my floppy disk.
Do it yourself, wiener.
Ain't you got fingers? Yeah, and they'd make a real, tasty fist sandwich.
Stop it, both of you.
That's no way to talk with a dead body in Miss Hayes' office.
Sorry.
I'm a little edgy.
Me too.
Sorry.
Where is the coroner, Agnes? I don't know.
I called him again.
Told him it was getting pretty creepy around here.
They said they'd hurry, but it's been a very busy morning.
Maybe I should send everyone home.
You know, out of respect.
That's a good idea.
Miss Hayes.
Why is everyone whispering? Did anybody see--? What's the matter you people? Oh, it's you, but-- Can we help you? Coroner's office, we're here to pick up a body.
No body here.
No body here.
And no body in here.
-David.
-What's the matter, still a little jumpy? I'm not jumpy.
I just don't like people sneaking up on me, that's all.
You hear that? Maybe it's him trying to contact us from the other side.
Harry, is that you? Harry? Delivery for Madelyn Hayes.
Oh, great.
Thank you so much.
It's a perfect match.
-There's the defective one.
-What's the matter with this chair? -It wobbles.
-It looks all right to me.
-It wobbles.
-Nonsense.
There's nothing wrong with this chair.
I know when I feel a wobble and I felt a wobble.
-You hear me arguing? -Oh, it wobbles.
I didn't hear what you said.
It wobbles.
Enjoy your new chair.
Madelyn Hayes, I'm surprised at you.
I had no idea you were so superstitious.
Me, superstitious? You must be kidding.
Irrational, ignorant people are superstitious, not me.
Come on.
You and I know there was nothing wrong with that chair.
-No.
-You were spooked.
It had the Grim Reaper's cooties on it.
-It wobbled.
-Yeah, right.
I understand.
Every time I step on a crack, I get a little nervous myself.
But unlike you, I can admit to being a tad superstitious.
Should've hung on.
Odds of two people buying the farm on the same furniture, very slim.
-For the last time-- -It wobbled, I know.
But why can't you admit to irrationality? How else could we deal with a concept as mind-boggling as permanent sleep-away camp? -Harry? -There's a man here to see you.
-Is he healthy? -Show him in, please.
-Thank you for seeing me.
-Hi.
-I'm Winston Guy.
-I'm Maddie Hayes.
-My associate.
-What happened to partner? -How may we help you? -I'm here about a friend who's missing.
Missing persons are a police matter.
Yes, but I thought maybe he'd been to see you.
He wrote this address on the calendar in his office.
His name is Harry Soffer.
Would you please have a seat, Mr.
Guy? It's extremely important that I find him.
The deadline for collecting our winnings is Thursday noon.
-Winnings? -The lottery.
-He didn't tell you? -He didn't have a lot to say.
He and I bought a lottery ticket and we won.
Twelve million dollars.
Twelve million dollars.
You wanna do this or you want me to do it? Mr.
Guy, I don't know quite how to say this.
You see, Harry Soffer did come in here yesterday.
But he got sick.
-Sick? -Sick? He was very sick and he never got well.
As a matter of fact he's no longer with us.
That's not possible.
He was fine last time I saw him.
Maybe it was the shock at winning all that money.
-Would you like us to leave you alone? -No, that's not necessary.
I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
I just can't believe he's gone.
Some friend I am, huh? Harry's dead and I can't stop thinking about the damn money.
He would have wanted you to enjoy spending it.
I can't.
-We cut the ticket in half.
-Oh, boy.
This much money completely alters your sense of reality.
It pits friend against friend.
It makes scoundrels out of decent, honourable men.
We decided that the best way to trust each other was not to.
So we each kept half.
He came to see us about a bodyguard.
Security.
For both of us.
So we could claim our winnings safely.
Smart move, 12 million clams pays a lot of ransom.
Don't suppose you would know if Harry had the ticket on him when-- I'm afraid we don't.
If I don't claim the prize, it rolls over into next week's jackpot.
I'm not doing this just for myself.
Harry has a sister.
His share should go to her.
But there isn't much time.
Would you help me find other half? I'll make it worth your while.
Would say 10 percent of the jackpot seem fair? All right now, this clown came to our office, dies, probably drove here.
His car is probably down here somewhere.
How are we gonna know which one? By applying our finely-honed investigative skills.
Now, if you were Harry Soffer, which car would drive? That one.
You know, you could turn out to be the next Honey West.
I don't think we're the only ones looking for this lottery ticket.
-We're the Skipsquats.
-We heard there was a vacancy.
Oh, well, I can't show the apartment today.
There was a burglary last night.
Police are up there.
-Looking for fingerprints.
-I'm sorry.
I'm just glad Mr.
Soffer didn't live to see his place turned upside down.
Awful mess.
He was always neat as a pin.
Say, how did you hear about the vacancy? I haven't advertised.
Well, you know how things get around.
Suppose so.
That's what the others said.
Another party is looking? Well, a couple of fellows were by yesterday.
Nice enough, but I don't rent to cigar smokers.
Thank you.
We'll come back some other time.
Oh, please do.
You make such a nice young couple.
-Your name again? -Skipsquat.
Pleased to meet you, Skip.
So far, they've ransacked his car, his apartment his office and the locker at his gym.
-Somebody wants the half of that ticket.
-Can you blame them? Who else besides Winston Guy knew about it? I don't know.
Who ever it was, they were thorough.
It makes you wonder what else they have turned over.
What do you mean? Well, there's only one more place they could have turned over.
-No.
-What's the big deal? We stroll through the bone yard, make sure Harry's resting.
We've no business rooting a graveyard.
-What was Harry doing in our office? -Trying to hire us.
-Right.
As what? -Bodyguards.
To guard his body.
The only decent thing to do is respect our client's last wish.
Attagirl.
-Oh, watch it, will you? -Come on.
David.
-Watch it.
-What? -it's bad luck to step on a grave.
-What am I supposed to do? Hover? Perhaps, that's why ghosts float.
I heard something.
-Here it is.
-Oh, good.
-Lets go.
-Wait a minute.
-What? -We can't leave him here.
-What if those guys come? -I'm not waiting here.
-Me neither.
We get the ticket then go.
-We do what? -I got some shovels in the car.
-David.
I thought I knew the depths to which you could sink but I was wrong.
Well, don't give yourself too hard a time.
You were only about 6 feet off.
David, you have devolved into something lower, viler more despicable than I imagined.
You're a ghoul.
All right, it's-- How does he do it? Go home, study? Is he taking a correspondence course in bad taste? Maybe it's glandular.
You were planning this, tricked me into coming here.
-I resemble that.
-Well, how do you like this? -You're a grave robber.
-it's the money.
What if I were poisoned and old Harry down there had the only antidote? Let's say you were poisoned, all right? No way I'm gonna dig up this dead man, you dig? No, you dig.
A cigar.
So you were the ones that tore Harry Soffer's place apart.
Great, Maddie.
I don't know what she's talking about.
We just came out here to smooch.
It was her idea.
My associate and I had resigned ourselves to along and tedious excavation.
But since you're here we're happy to allow you the pleasure of disinterring Mr.
Soffer.
Well, we'd really like to help you, but-- We left the shovels in the pickup truck.
-At the ranch.
-In Utah.
How fortunate, then, that we brought our own.
Look, Maddie, they brought shovels too.
His and hers.
Great.
Yeah, great.
Boy, am I having fun.
I can't remember the last time I had this much fun.
There ought to be a law against this fun.
There is.
We hope Iku and Bicky don't find out how much fun we're having.
-Then they're gonna wanna do this.
-I've read Tom Sawyer.
Figures.
Only two bad guys in the whole graveyard and they read the same classic comics as I do.
This has been a wonderful date, but it's late.
And me and missus are gonna be running along, so thank-- Want us to stay? Beautiful evening just the two of us, alone here in the moonlight.
I am not speaking to you.
You're not made at me, are you? -We could have been killed.
-Yeah, but we weren't.
-You should be jumping for joy.
-What about my silk dress? It's completely ruined.
Any idea how much this costs? -I'll buy you a dress.
-I don't want you to.
I don't wanna ever see you again.
I just wanna get out of here now.
-We'll be out of here pretty soon.
-When? Well, worse case scenario, Memorial Day.
When the boy scouts come around with them little flags.
David.
David.
-For the love of Mike, wake up.
-The capital of Kansas is Topeka.
-The capital of Kentucky is Frankfort.
-How can you sleep at a time like this? How? From the position of the big dipper, I'd say, it's way past my bedtime.
I wish I was at home under the covers, warm and dry.
I don't belong here, buried in a cemetery.
I don't wanna know what this feels like.
Well, pretend you went to the beach and somebody played a joke on you.
Eventually, you and me are gonna bunny hop out of here.
Which is more than I can say for our neighbours.
I'm scared.
Well, I can't say that I blame you.
Let's sing.
It's the best cure for a case of the heebie-jeebies.
-Come on, sing with me.
-I hate that song.
I don't wanna.
Oh, come on don't be a stiff.
Sorry.
-What was that? -I don't know.
-Over here.
-A little help.
-Help.
-Hey.
-Over here.
-Oh, no.
Go away.
Hey, get out of here.
Oh, no.
Go away.
Look, there goes a big, fat juicy steak.
Go fetch it.
-Don't forget behind the ears.
-Will you stop it? Hey, get-- David, I know that look.
-Tell him I'm not a fire hydrant.
-She ain't no fire hydrant.
I guess I can be one scary bitch when I wanna.
Hey, howdy, pops.
Listen, you wanna help us out of here? Me and the missus ain't quite dead yet.
Well, Maddie, look at it this way.
What else could possibly go wrong? Oh, no.
Mr.
Guy, it's Maddie Hayes and David Addison.
Why doesn't he answer? -Maybe he can't.
-David, you don't think-- -Give me a boost.
-I'm freezing.
Before you know it, you' be in a nice, hot steamy shower with me as your host.
As a matter of fact, bring a girlfriend along.
After the three of us are done towelling each other off-- Sorry.
Are you all right? Why do you suppose they put toilets under the window? Better light to read by? David.
-What did you do that for? -What did I do? -You tripped me.
-I didn't trip you.
You put out your leg and tripped me.
For a sight gag to work, people gotta be able to see it.
David, well, if you didn't trip me, who did? Harry.
This guy makes more appearances than Bob Hope.
David, can't you close his eyes? -How's that look? -What's he doing here? Losing at strip poker.
This is getting sicker and sicker.
Here, put this on.
-I'm sure Harry won't mind.
-You can't be serious.
You don't wanna catch your death of cold, do you? And I do mean death.
There we go.
Very nice.
Now you'll be toasty.
Perfect fit.
I may get a tattoo like that.
What do you think, Harry? David, I think this is the other half of the lottery ticket.
That is the other half of the lottery ticket.
-We found it.
-Thirty-eight, 14, nine, hike.
Maddie, we are rich.
We're rich.
Gold, yachts, and a little French babe to fold my socks for me.
Permanent vacation.
Yeah, I'd give every nickel of it not to end up like that.
I wish dead bodies just disappeared when they died.
You know what else doesn't make sense? If we found this ticket, how come Iku and Bicky didn't find it? You're right.
If they searched him, why didn't they find that ticket? -They were looking for something else.
-Mr.
Guy was lying to us? Oh, I never win anything.
Iku and Bicky.
-Let's get out of here.
-Let me lock the door.
-Come on, will you? -I'm coming.
-Get his feet-- -What are you doing? -We can't leave Harry.
-Sure we can.
Leave him to the mercy of those fiends, werewolves.
We are duty bound to deliver Harry-- There's no way I'm gonna touch this body.
Well, then maybe we can Ievitate him out of here, huh? Or maybe you wanna get planted again.
Friday night, big city, fast car.
Maybe we ought to dig up a date for Harry.
-Wonder if there's sex after death.
-Don't think so.
I'm not wild about Harry, David.
But it must have been sad dying alone in that office.
-He's in a better place now.
-I never cared for that.
-How about, he croaked? -I like that better.
It makes more sense.
I mean, going to your reward, crossing over to the other side.
Those euphemisms sound so made up, make it sound like it means something.
-It doesn't mean anything.
-Means in a better place.
-When you die, you die.
-Then? That's it.
Nothing.
-Nothing? -Yes.
That's exactly all that death is is nothing.
-Forever and ever.
-Amen.
You get creeped up about anything having to do with the big sleep.
l'd be a nutball too if I believed that was all.
The end of the line.
Believe it, because this is it.
What, the phone ring and a voice say, "Maddie.
Yeah, almighty here.
Wanna clear the air about the mystery of life"? It's damn decent of you to set me straight.
I don't make fun of you for made-up things you believe.
That's what they are, to make you feel better.
I feel better that there's something on the other side of the mountain.
-You're wrong.
-I'm not wrong.
You can't be.
You haven't distinguished yourself in this incarnation.
That's what this uptight, over- achieving, neurotic behaviour is about.
I wanna do something, make something of my life.
This is the only life I'm going to have.
You got a choice.
Believe one of two things.
Something or nothing.
I'm gonna go for the special, comes with dessert.
Why doesn't someone who's died, someone who loved you why don't they come back and tell you what to expect? -My grandfather did.
He did.
-David.
He came back to me in a dream.
He said that life after death was okay.
He said Cubs were gonna win the World Series.
-No one's appeared to me.
-Not yet, but if I go first-- Don't talk like that.
I'm coming back to prove you're wrong.
I'll haunt you gentle, rough.
I'll make you sweat.
I'll make you moan.
I'll haunt you all over again.
And I won't stop haunting you, until we're both drenched in ectoplasm.
I don't know what I'd do if you were the first one to go.
I'll keep your side of the cloud warm.
No you won't, you'll be chasing some little angel in a French maid's outfit.
Well, maybe, but we'd stay in touch, you and me.
-It wouldn't be a heaven without you.
-Oh, David.
David, this isn't the way to the police station.
We ain't going to the police station.
The coroners' office is downtown.
Where are we going? -Your house.
-My house? What about Harry? He could stay in the freezer in the garage.
I've had it, that's it.
People are going to trouble to get this guy and we've got him.
-Not for long.
-He could be just as valuable to us.
-How? -I don't know yet.
We ought to hold on until we find out what's going on.
You're demented, disturbed.
You should be taken into custody for your protection.
-You should be institutionalized.
-I'm just looking out for his welfare.
-Get the thing.
-I'm doing it, all right? Looks cosy enough.
Get him over here between the handles.
David, what am I gonna do with all this food? Well, I'm not doing anything for dinner.
Oh, how can you think of about eating after today? I didn't want his chair in my office.
Now I'm setting up housekeeping.
It's not like you're sharing a bathroom with him.
Every time I want ice for margaritas, I have to confront my mortality.
Well, you're not gonna need these anymore.
Light goes out when you close the lid.
All right.
-David, I can't do this.
-Give me some help.
David.
I can't do this.
You don't want old Harry to spoil, do you? I don't want a man in my icebox.
Well, I can't help it if you're an old-fashioned girl.
Hey.
-What? -Look at this.
-What is it? -Take a look.
Oh, is that some sort of plan? Is this the third act? it's some sort of plan.
-ls this what all the hubbub's about? -For a dead guy, you're one sly dog.
David, do you smell something? That hole burning in my pocket from the money this is worth.
My spider sense tells me we are in the money.
No.
You're in a jam.
Relax, Harry.
-How did you find us? -Followed you from Mr.
Guy's place.
-Good answer.
-Hold it right there.
Would you mind not smoking that thing in my house? Put it out.
Turn around, hands on the wall.
But I just painted it.
The maid comes tomorrow.
You wouldn't happen to know where Winston Guy is right now, would you? Thought you could tell us.
Last we saw him was when he relieved us of Mr.
Soffer at the cemetery.
So that's how Harry got to Guy's place.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm ticklish down there.
Why can't you just leave that little guy alone and let him rest in peace? Because that little old man was an extremely accomplished thief.
-Harry? Don't you touch me.
-She's a little standoffish at first.
-Let me frisk her.
-Upstairs.
-Up these stairs here.
All right.
-Come on.
Old Harry was light-fingered? He stole sophisticated marine designs from a company he used to work for.
Some schematics for a low-noise submarine propeller.
The tattoo.
Yeah, highly ingenious, don't you think? And extremely valuable.
So where does Guy fit into all this? Guy is what you might call an opponent competing with us to sell Mr.
Soffer's designs to an interested third party.
Does the U.
S.
Navy know about this? Well, we didn't exactly ask their permission.
Yeah, we got the plans.
Right, they're on the body.
Been a while since I've been invited up here.
David, these people are spies.
Bed's a little smaller than I remember.
Whatever Guy wants, we'll beat it.
Margin call from your broker? Winston Guy is a dead man.
A lot of that going on in this episode.
Guy's meeting with him in an hour, he's got photographs of the plans.
That explains why Harry was getting his senior picture taken.
Hey, by any chance, were your mother and father brother and sister? We'll have to be going now.
-What' happen to us? -Yeah, what' happen to us? You're really quite grimy.
Did you have to slobber so much? -it's off already.
-Well, get mine out.
Would you hold still I can do it, all right? I thought chewing your pantyhose off was gonna be a lot more fun than this.
Let me start down here.
Hurry, David.
I'll be done in, probably, two, three hour.
Stop, David.
Stop.
Look, this is a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.
I have an idea.
Turn the shower on.
The pantyhose'll get wet, loosen up, we'll be out.
-All right, good.
Move over there.
-Let me just get my shoulder there.
Watch my face on this.
I liked my idea a little better.
We need some lubrication.
Very nice.
Very nice, now.
-All right, are you ready? Squeeze.
-You can't be serious.
You don't think I'm enjoying this? -You pay people to do this.
-This is no time to think of pleasure.
There's a tattoo that could shut down the shipping lanes of the free world.
All right, you ready? One, two, three, squeeze.
Eureka, there she blows.
-Okay.
-Okay, what? -All right, jump.
-Jump? -We gotta work up the Iather.
-I won't.
it's dangerous in the shower.
Trust me.
If anybody can work you into a Iather, it's me.
It's working.
Want a cigarette? -He's gone.
-Chilling champagne at some shindig.
-Celebrating the downfall of democracy.
-What're we gonna do? Listen, while we're thinking can we put our clothes in the dryer? -Good idea, will you unzip me? -Will you unzip me? First thing we have to do is call the CIA and the FBI.
Yeah, and the BBC and BB King.
-Hold it right there.
-Standards and Practises.
Where's Harry? Just missed him.
He just left with Iku and Bicky.
-How'd you find us? -Wasn't too hard.
I called your office and the answering service put me to a cooperative nitwit.
You've gotta talk to Agnes.
Hear the one about the moron who the lottery? -A dollar a year for million years.
-The lottery ticket.
A little white lie, I confess.
Mr.
Soffer and I never actually met.
I sent him half a lottery ticket as identification.
Why did you need Harry? You photographed the plans.
Rather badly.
I left the lens cap on.
It happens, but listen, I gotta give you a little bit of a warning.
Iku and Bicky are gunning for you right now.
They're very competitive.
I thank you and I appreciate the warning.
-And now get into the freezer.
-You're not gonna get away with this.
I'll be honest with you, this is all being filmed.
-Get in.
-In our wet clothes? -You can take them off if you like.
-Never mind.
Maddie, I got it.
Frozen T-shirt contest.
It'll be the wave of the future.
We'll get rich.
All right then, let's have it your way.
Maddie.
Maddie.
Maddie.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Good morning, Miss Hayes.
David.
Hi, boys, you've reached 976-BONE.
-Come on.
-Hello, Maddie.
We've been waiting for you.
-Nice grave we've been digging for you.
-Nice and special.
-Die.
-Die.
-Come on.
Come with us.
-We'll take you over to your plot.
Yeah, come on now.
-You should stay here.
-It will be nice.
All right.
No.
No.
No.
Come on, Maddie.
No.
No.
No.
No, David.
No.
-Oh, David.
No.
-it's okay.
-No.
-it's okay.
I'm right here.
-What happened? -You got whacked on the head.
Ruined a perfectly good revolver.
I had this terrible dream.
I thought I was dead, only I was at the office.
Agnes was missing her head.
And you were the Grim Reaper.
It was frightening.
Doctor, medication.
Well, how's the little lady with the big headache? Well, she's conscious, sort of.
How about we take a trip to X-ray and shine a light through your head and count your marbles, see if they're all there? David, look.
-All right.
-Just bring them right in here.
It's Iku.
-And Bicky.
-Mr.
Lucky.
And Harry.
-What is this, the last act of Hamlet? -What have we got? Three DOAs.
Gunshot wounds.
Must have been quite a firefight.
Real old-fashioned shoot-'em-up.
And this guy's already embalmed.
Nurse, you wanna get someone to take these gentlemen down to pathology? Vaya con Dios, Harry.
Come in.
Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be home resting? You took a whack yesterday.
-I'm fine, really.
-I don't know.
-What day is it? -Tuesday.
-Follow my finger with your eye.
-I'm busy.
Come on.
I'm perfectly all right, David.
All right, good.
Now, touch your finger to your nose.
Good.
Touch your tongue to my tongue.
It's okay.
Just came in to ask you a favour, that's all.
I've been-- I've been-- Well, I've been thinking a lot the past few days about the inevitable.
Last few days, how can you help but think about the inevitable.
Well, I was thinking, you know-- I'm thinking that you really are the closest person to me.
And being such, you would be the logical choice to take care of things for me when I'm-- David, I don't even wanna think of that.
Well, I know, I know, but we have to, right? -Right.
-So here are my instructions.
This is what I would like you to do.
Oh, David.
It means a lot to me that you think this much of me to have me do this for you.
I know you'll do a good job.
-You can count on me.
-I know.
I'll follow these instructions to the letter.
Thank you.
You might wanna take a gander at them you know, make sure everything's clear.
Oh, David.
I'm glad we're doing this now.
I mean, I-- I wanna be prepared.
I want you to be prepared.
So there's no question about what my last wishes are.
Well, what? You want me to die with a smile on my face, don't you?